CHAPTER 36

And I hope it's shitty in The Black Dog

When someone plays "The Starting Line"

And you jump up but she's too young to know this song

That was intertwined in the tragic fabric of our dreaming

'Cause tail between your legs you're leaving

~ Taylor Swift, The Black Dog

AidenPOV

"Does anybody want to talk about it?" Maggie asked, taking a delicate sip of her wine.

It was a modified weekly meet up between all of us. Back in Chicago at our usual table at one of Alec's bars, Adeline and I sat surrounded by Maggie and her husband, Connor, Alec, Jared, and Delilah.

"About what?" Jared asked around a mouth full of pretzels.

I took a swig of my beer, hand absentmindedly drawing lines on Adeline's thigh where she sat beside me. Once again punched in the gut when I realized we were my parents. Twenty… thirty years ago, they were us. Newly married, Dad suddenly the head of the family. Hell, Adeline was older than Mom was when she went on trial.

I wasn't sure how either of them survived this shit. All those years, the constant betrayals and trials…Christ.

"About watching someone we all love and care about go through an incredibly traumatic and disturbing event," Maggie clarified, as if it were the most obvious answer.

It was. But we were all still in a bit of a daze from the whole thing.

And none of us had done shit.

Alec rolled his eyes. "No thanks, Doc."

Maggie shot him a glare but Jared cut in before she could. "Bella's the one who went through it all, and she's fine."

Delilah scoffed into her drink. "She's not fine."

Jared nodded solemnly. "Okay, maybe she's not fine. But she's the one that probably needs to talk about it, not us."

"And she probably is," Delilah added. Jumping in to clarify when all of us looked at her as if she had four heads. "Edward. She talks to Edward."

I shook my head. My parents… they made quite the pair. My father being anyone's emotional sounding board was a terrifying idea, but Del was right. There were things about my mother and her life that only my father would ever know, and as many questions as I had, it was nice. That they found each other.

Because I wasn't sure who the hell would have been able to put up with the shit we went through.

"Exactly," Maggie nodded.

"We didn't do anything Mags. Nothing to chat about," Alec insisted.

Even I saw the shadows in his eyes.

That night… it replayed in my head over and over. Seeing her sitting in a hair and makeup chair, covered in bruises with fresh stitches in her neck… listening to her do her vocal warm ups with a lump in her throat as she held back tears… seeing the way she turned herself into who she needed to be for exactly three and a half hours for that crowd… watching her collapse into my father as soon as she was out of the crowds sight.

There were so many things they probably would have hid from me in a normal circumstance. Ma was excellent at putting on a smile for me and telling me everything would be okay so I didn't worry, so I wasn't scared. So I knew it was bad. Really fucking bad if she was just barely holding herself together, barely able to fucking talk without crying.

Hell, she was in such a daze she probably didn't even know I saw half of what I did. She sure as hell wouldn't have let me be one of the people constantly tailing her for the entire show more than willing to take a bullet for her if needed.

But I saw it all. The moment she forced a smile on her face right before she was on the lift to stage. Every time her eyes darted around the stage, like she was scared someone was going to just fucking grab her, only calming when her eyes found Dad.

Who mirrored her every fucking movement for three and a half hours. Somehow knew every time she would need an unplanned sip of water. Who caught her the instant her legs gave out once she was backstage.

I still had no fucking idea what had happened in the hours she had been missing.

The whole thing was fucked. Anyone feeling the need to work themselves that hard after being kidnapped…

"It just makes you wonder," I mumbled, surprising myself. Maybe I did need to talk about it. "How many other times has she done that? Put herself through that."

Delilah nodded. "I could tell she was feeling it just half an hour in. She was a few counts off for a few things, out of breath when she shouldn't have been… I've never seen her like that before. Frazzled. Unsteady. The whole thing was… scary. What if…"

Everyone around the table nodded. They all loved their respective parents, I loved their parents, but Mom was different.

She was the aunt that would lie to your parents for you if you needed a ride home at three in the morning from a party. She would pull us all out of school a few times a year and take us on little adventures around the city, bribing the school to keep everyone else's parents oblivious. As long as we weren't doing something that would hurt ourselves or others, she would cover for you.

It was the first time I realized it. Dad had told me over and over… but losing Ma really would have decimated the entire Cullen family.

Dad would have been inconsolable. I probably would have been right along with him. Emmett and Jasper wouldn't be able to handle the family on their own. Alice and Rose would flounder as they tried to take her place. All of us would be lost without her.

Everyone took too-long sips of their drinks. Thoughts probably as fucking dark as my own.

"Well, if it isn't the Cullen Clan," Peter Clarks voice floated through the bar. He gave a few girls up front a smirk before pulling a chair up from an empty table. He twisted it backwards, leaning his forearms across the back rest as he grinned at us.

"We're Whitlocks," Jared argued at the same time Maggie and Connor said the same, but with their married name.

"Christ," Peter sighed. "And none of you have any of Bella's blood in you."

At the mention of Mom, all of us looked down at our drinks.

Peter cleared his throat. "Bella is fine."

"She was lying in a hospital bed with seven stitches in her neck the last time we saw her," Jared snapped. Apparently ditching his idea that she was fine as he glared at Peter.

Peter took a deep breath, eying all of us around the table for a few moments before leaning forward. "I've known Bella for a long time," he said quietly. "We've been through a lot of shit together—"

"She's never been kidnapped before," I blurted out.

Peter pointed to me. "He, at least, has the excuse of being her son to act like a mini-Bella. But, no, she hasn't been kidnapped. But she was brought up by a society and industry that taught her to sit still, look pretty, and put on a good show. It doesn't make it right. Doesn't make it easy. But it is quite literally what she has trained her entire life to do."

"But—"

He pointed to Maggie and her husband. "How many years did you two spend in school to become therapists? Adeline, how long was law school? Del, how often do you take dance classes? Everyone makes sacrifices for their career. Bella has a habit of going to the extreme, but it's no different. She has been training for this her whole life. She knows her limits. And she would rather drop dead than let someone else get the last word. You guys don't need to worry about her. She'll be fine. She always is."

"This seemed different. Worse," Delilah admitted.

Everyone–myself included–nodded.

Peter sighed. Dug his phone out of his pocket, swiped a few times, before turning it toward everyone else.

A message from Mom flashed on the screen.

Now I'm dancin' in my dress in the sun and

Even my daddy just loves him

I'm his lady

And, oh my God, you should see your faces

Time, doesn't it give some perspective?

And, no, you can't come to the wedding

I know it's crazy, but he's the one I want

We all stared at him. Not sure what a few lyrics meant beyond that Mom was writing. And she was always writing.

"I've been making music with Bella for a long time. She writes to process things, and if she's already back to writing a love song, she's already back to her usual self."

"But… her daddy didn't love Edward. I mean, few people do. But–"

Peter shrugged. "She just likes to throw in a few patricide jokes every album or two."

–Love|Power–

BPOV

The bar was empty. Well, technically. Every person in the bar was a highly trained personal protection agent hired by Edward. They were all instructed to blend in, though. As much as someone who could kill you with half a thought could blend.

It was probably a stupid thing to do, but I needed it. The closure. The last word, as Edward sighed when I told him what I wanted.

I realized it was stupid. That I had been saying I had been getting my closure for months. That I was still that stupid, naive, scared little girl who latched onto Lawrence to teach me and show me the way and be there for me when my own parents shipped me off and cashed my checks.

But it would stick. This time, it would fucking stick.

Because the man I knew for the last thirty-five years was not the man walking across the bar.

He was gone. Probably never existed. And I needed to get over it.

Being an actress had its benefits, because I could spot an act a mile away. And the way Lawrence carried himself, the lack of confidence, the messy hair, the downcast eyes, they were all real. Not an ounce of that superiority he had been flaunting these days.

He sat down across from me.

I wanted to cry.

"Bella–"

"No," I snapped, ordering the tears burning behind my eyes to go away. "There's a big fucking difference between wanting to use me for a few million in streams and helping a psychotic man hold me at knife point."

"I know," he said sincerely. "I know. I didn't think it would go that far. He said it–"

"I don't give a fuck who said what."

"I know," he repeated. Solemnly. Completely out of character of who he had become.

I swallowed back a lump in my throat before I spoke. "Was it just the money? The accolades?"

Lawrence was quiet, eyes on me. Soft, paternal eyes that I had trusted more than my own father. Either of them. "It was the realization, a few years ago when you got that lifetime achievement academy award… it was the realization that you had everything I ever wanted."

I blinked at him.

This entire fucking mess because he was a jealous, insecure, man.

Fucking figured.

"When I was a kid, I–"

"I don't care," I sighed, exhaustion settling into my bones. "I don't care. All you had to do was stay in your fucking lane. You–"

I shook my head.

Logic would do no good. Get us nowhere.

Because we were done.

Looking across the table at him, there was no longer that longing I had been fighting the last eight months. The desperate pull for his attention and friendship and approval.

I had always thought he was different. But categorizing him with every other man I had ever met in this industry, every small, insecure, petty little man who couldn't take it when a woman was more successful than them, that was all it took.

"Goodbye, Lawrence," I said firmly, standing from my seat.

Every single person in the bar mirrored my movement. Lawrence's eyes snapped up, darting around the bar.

"So this is it? You're going to let him–"

I smiled. In spite of myself, my lips twitched with a smirk. Because there it was. That cocky asshole that had been hidden underneath him the entire time.

"No," I shrugged. Waited until his shoulders relaxed and I felt Edward materialized at my side. "Not yet."

It was still my turn.

–Love|Power–

Once you had been in enough luxury hotel suites, they all blurred together. This one, settled in the middle of downtown London, was nice. Fancy. Expensive.

Whatever.

I sat on the plush couch, to-go container in my hand as I picked through the salad for all of the best parts before I discarded it. I heard the door open and close but didn't think anything of it until I heard a hoard of footsteps follow.

"Bitch," Kate snapped.

I frowned, looking up at the crowd.

Kate, Heidi, and Claire all frowned at me. Concern was hidden behind their anger, but they preferred to be mad than sad. I understood. Aiden, Adeline, Jared, Alec, Maggie, Connor, and Delilah were clustered beside them. They all stared wide eyed at Kate after her outburst.

"Rude," I grumbled, taking a bite of my salad.

"You nearly die, then disappear for two weeks, then show up on time for a film festival like nothing happened?"

I frowned. "You're… mad I'm on time?"

"Yes!"

"Oh. Sorry. I could leave if you–"

"Bitch," she sighed again.

I smiled over at her. At all of them. It was quite the crowd. "I get why those three are here," I said, pointing to my team. "But what are all of you doing here?"

"Okay, look," Maggie started. "Just because you grew up with no support system, doesn't mean you have to keep it that way."

I frowned. "What?"

"You don't have to be all intense and secretive all the time. Not with us," Alec explained.

My head cocked to the side.

"The only person you ever talk to is Dad. Which, fine, whatever. But don't treat us like you do everyone else. Even Aunt Alice and Rose, we're not them. We get it. You. Respect you and love you and have your back and you don't have to pretend you're fine if you're not. You can talk to us. Because you've always been there for us. So don't think that we won't be there for you."

I eyed my son with surprise. Everyone around him nodded with a stern frown on their face.

"Well consider me scolded," I muttered to myself.

Edward snorted from the armchair where he scrolled through a tablet.

I stared at the crowd. All of the concerned eyes of my son and daughter-in-law and nieces and nephews.

It was easy to let the world convince me I was a fuck up. No amount of awards or streams or money would ever make that insecure little girl I grew up as feel like she was accepted. But as I looked at the group of them, I got that closure I had been so desperate for.

Because no matter what I did with my life, I did right by them. By my husband and son and the rest of my family.

Jared is so far from that angry delinquent I first met so long ago and Maggie is no longer that shy little girl in the backyard. Aiden is married, a father, and a damn good one. The world might hate me again tomorrow, but they never would.

And that was more than enough.

I was still me, though.

I still needed to get the last word.

A/N: I'm really sorry for the lack of updates lately. As some of you might know, my dad has been dealing with some serious health issues the last few years. Long story short, we're now in the process of trying to get him approved for a lung transplant. So it's a pretty stressful, intense time for me right now.

I can't promise how constant updates will be, but you guys know I'll never leave you hanging too long.

Any prayers or good vibes you'd like to send my family's way would be much appreciated.

Love you guys, and I'll see you next time!

Lyrics from the middle of the chapter are from But Daddy I Love Him by Taylor Swift.