After my terrible fever had finally subsided, I was able to wake up and think lucidly. As I expected, Athos was right there beside me, sat in his chair with his head rolled into his chest, slumped in sleep but still holding onto my hand. After a moment of smiling to myself, I squeezed my fingers firmly around his. He woke with a start, sucking in a deep breath and blinking before his glazed eyes rested upon me. Upon realising that I was looking back at him, Athos suddenly surged forwards with alarming momentum.
He all but swept me up into his arms, pulling me into him so that I became nestled in his lap where he held me swaying, holding me so tightly I almost had no room to breathe. "Thank god…thank god…thank god you're awake…" I felt his tears, warm and sweet as they appeared, revealing the depths of his despair and the height of his relief to finally see me awake.
"Athos, I am so sorry, I was wrong I was so very wrong…I should never had said those things to you, please forgive me, I cannot bear to think you angry with me." My own tears merged with his, sniffled pathetically as Athos began to smooth his fingers through my hair.
"Angry with you?" A faint laugh appeared, my brother tossing back his head before he began to thumb my cheeks to smooth away my own tears as I used my sleeve to remove his, both of us trying to console and apologise to the other rather clumsily at the same time. "No Madeleine, I was never angry with you, only myself. I should never have struck you. I allowed my rage to get the better of me. Little sister, you have no idea how much I worried for you. Thank you for coming back, I promise to make amends."
"You should be angry with me, I deserve it," mumbling against his chest, I buried myself within Athos's embrace to hide from my own shame. Still he continued to sway, rocking me gently as he began to hush me, chasing away my sorrows and fears with the soft crooning of his voice. Despite still feeling ashamed of myself, I was grateful that my brother was gracious enough to forgive me. He had always possessed the kindest heart, perhaps too kind at times. With the air cleared between us, Athos insisted that I returned to sleep and rested well, wanting nothing more than for me to be well again.
Thankfully I was blessed with a resilient body and it was not long before I was on my feet once more. Captain Treville visited the morning I determined to return to my duties and persuaded me to take a leave of absence, promising me half a day's wages for each day I had missed in an effort to entice me to continue resting. He too only wanted me well and was quite insistent on giving me my wages even without earning a single penny. "You are too precious to us to lose, Madeleine. I would rather you rest well and return at full strength instead of working yourself into the ground. You will have fair settlement, it is only right considering one of my men caused your distress and unfortunate illness." At this, Treville had glowered at Athos who quickly dropped his gaze. "Even if he is your brother, he is my responsibility. I shall make amends for his disgrace."
"You need not do so much, captain. You are too good to us already," I attempted to argue, but Treville would hear none of it. Instead, he left me fresh flowers in the vase at my bedside, kissed me atop my head and wished me well before leaving. My cheeks were aglow with warmth and I immediately turned my head towards the flower so that I might catch their subtle scent. "Captain Treville is too lenient with me,"
"You are undoubtedly his favourite of us all," my brother noted with a hint of amusement, returning to the chair at my side as I remained in bed. "How do you feel?" Touching my brow, Athos searched for any sign of a residual fever, his own brow furrowed in fretting concentration until I chuckled and moved his hand away.
"I am quite well, Athos. A little sniffle will not see me off so easily."
"It was more than a little sniffle," perhaps, but I found it best to minimise the danger for my brother's sake. It seemed he had suffered far more than I had by torturing himself all these long nights staying beside me. "I also meant, how are you feeling in regards to…the house?" Ah, so the dreaded moment was here. The thought of the ruined house made me sigh mournfully, but now that I had time to come to terms with the fact that it was no more, it did not seem so great and terrible a thing.
"A house is only a building, you and I still exist and that is all that matters. Family," I took his hand in mine. "I understand now that the house itself is not important so long as I still have you, my brother." At this Athos seemed relieved, relaxing as his hand sought out mine once more.
"I thought you would blame me for its loss and resent me for never going back."
"You were not the one who started that fire, and if that place is dead and buried in your mind then I shall bury it too. I will not think of it again." For a moment Athos studied me closely, leaning forwards which caused his chair to creak quietly as our gazes remained focused upon one another.
"Madeleine…" something weighed heavily upon his mind, "why did you leave that place if you cherished it so much?" Part of me did not want to answer my brother's question, because it did not have a happy answer, and I knew it would cause him guilt. However, I did not wish to lie to him and he would know if I withheld something from him and he would assume the guilt regardless.
"Because I knew that if I allowed you to leave without me, then you would never come back." It was a simple truth. Athos blinked unexpectedly. "You were so eager to leave, to forget that place and all the memories it evoked, forget that woman and all that had happened…to forget your grief and your pain, that I knew if you left me behind there, then I would have been forgotten too." As difficult as this was to say, I found a weight seemingly lifting itself from my shoulders which I had not realised I had carried all this while. I tightened my grip upon his hand. "I would have become nothing more than a ghost, a faded memory you did not wish to relive. I did not want to become part of that you wished to forget." For the longest time, Athos was silent.
He brooded over my words and suffered their painful honesty, allowing them to sink deeply into his skin as my brother came to realise that I was right. Had he left me behind, it was likely I would never have seen him again. Despite his love for me, his grief and anguish was so powerful that it would have overshadowed any fondness my presence might have settled upon that place where so many terrible things had happened. Anything beautiful and good had been twisted and poisoned by that woman and what she had done. Athos had been right to leave, and I was right to go with him.
Drawing in a deep, shaking in breath, my brother retrieved his hand so that he could take hold of my face and hold me tenderly. "I vow to you," he began solemnly, looking with such an intense gaze that I forgot how to breathe, lingering upon his every word. "You shall never be alone, Madeleine, and I shall never forget you. From this moment on, you are the most important aspect of my life. I shall become a better man for you, a better brother. I shall be there to protect you and provide as I should have all this time. I swear upon my honour I shall make amends." Tears rose at these sweet words and I sniffled, lips trembling into a smile.
"You are already the greatest man I know, and the most wonderful brother I could have ever asked for. There is no need for change, Athos, just remain as you are." After speaking, Athos moved to sit beside me and draw me into his arms once more, holding me against his chest where I could hear his heart beating solidly against my cheek. I smiled further. "Though perhaps you should drink a little less from now on."
"Agreed," it was a happy ending to such a terrible trial, but our kinship proved stronger than our woes and I was grateful to have more of the brother I remembered returned to me. After our long embrace, then began the debate on whether or not I should at least be permitted to rise. Athos at first would not hear of it, but eventually I convinced him that fresh air and sunlight would do me good, and at the very least I wanted to stretch my legs. Finally, my brother conceded defeat. I was allowed to rise from my bed but under the agreement that I would remain upon my brother's arm where he could keep me close to him and ensure that I did not suddenly tire. It was a simple enough request, and so once I was dressed and had a thick shawl drawn across my shoulders, I slipped my hand through the crook of my brother's arm and together we ventured outside.
The familiar sight, sounds and smells of the barracks brought a deep and satisfying comfort to my soul as Athos brought me into the yard. The moment I was taken notice of, numerous soldiers called out their well wishes and welcomed me back heartily, several pausing their work or training in order to take off their hats, bow, and some even came to kiss my hand. I thanked them all by name, knowing each and every face until finally I was brought to the table where I could sit myself down. "She's alive! Told you she'd be just fine, didn't I?" The broad and abrasive voice of Porthos suddenly boomed into existence, drawing my gaze to where he, Aramis and d'Artagnan approached.
Rising to greet them, Porthos did not hesitate to sweep me up into his burly arms, having stooped down to swallow me up off the ground. I shrieked at the sensation of suddenly losing my footing, jumping to catch hold of his shoulders as Porthos squeezed me with his enthusiastic embrace and settled me quite effortlessly in the crook of his left arm even as Athos scolded him for being too rough. "Porthos! Be gentle with my sister, she is still recovering." But the rush of exhilaration left me beaming and breathless, a jolt of energy bursting through me as I recovered my senses and began to giggle.
"Oh hush Athos, Porthos would never drop me, would you Porthos?" Waving my brother's concerns away, I sat neatly like a little bird upon his arm as we beamed at one another. Thankfully he was not using the side which was injured. I had best remember to have him show me his wound later so that I can inspect it. He had better not ripped my stitches in my absence.
"Never, sweetheart." Patting my leg playfully, Porthos held my hand up above his head to help me balance myself, offering me an excellent view of the yard from my elevated vantage point. "Glad you're feeling better, had us worried for a while there."
"Indeed, Porthos was weeping at your side throughout the night at one point," Aramis teased which swiftly erased the cheer upon Porthos's face and replaced it with irritated denial.
"No I wasn't!"
"Well, close enough. I'm quite certain I heard a few sniffles," having teased Porthos, Aramis became a little more solemn as he took my hand and reached up to place a tickling kiss upon the back of my fingers, the bristles of his beard grazing my skin as I blushed heavily. "We are all glad for your returned health, Madeleine, it was not the same around here without you here to bring us cheer."
"Indeed, I cannot be bedbound for too long, otherwise you scoundrels will only cause havoc in my absence," I managed to return chirpily, though perhaps a few tones too high compared to my usual voice. I coughed to clear my throat, pretending that I was not quite yet returned to sorts. "I hope you have not caused too much trouble?"
"None at all, which I think must be a new record for us," d'Artagnan assured me as he too kissed my hand to follow with a word to wish me good health. I was glad to be in their company once more. It is as I thought. Right here was where I felt safest and happiest. As Porthos carefully lowered me down with Athos supporting my waist to ensure I did not fall, I could not hide my smile as the four gathered around me, I came to realise that here was where I felt at home. Spreading my arms, I did my best to embrace them all at once, which was a difficult feat, but somehow I managed to press them all together. At first they were surprised by my affection, seemingly uncomfortable to be so close to one another, but gradually I felt their bodies soften. "What's this for?" D'Artagnan chuckled as he freed his arm to place it around me, drawing me in as Athos did the same, folding me into their own embrace as I continued to try and stretch my arms as far as they would go around them.
"I could not say," I answered simply, "I only wished to hold you all." Yes. Home was not stone or wood, a building or a memory. Home was where your heart felt at peace, and your soul was at ease. Here was my home, in the presence of these wonderful men, whom I loved and cherished dearly. Wherever they were, I would find my peace.