Bucky waits for the sound of the elevator leaving before he can finally sag against the door of his bedroom, muscles still tense. He appreciates Steve getting Nick Fury away from the apartment but it still isn't enough to make Bucky feel... Bucky doesn't know what would be the correct word to define his senses right now or his emotions. It's like he's in the eye of a hurricane and knows things will get ugly in a matter of time. His muscles are like taut rope; he can hear his breath and tries to control it; his eyes dash over every corner even though he knows there is nothing dangerous in the room, but still his eyes won't stop darting from the bed to the shelves to the windows...

Bucky's stump starts burning and that's enough to make his breathing sharp and rapid again. His chest rises and falls erratically while he tries to understand what is happening. Did someone poison him? His heart beats against his chest and his throat feels like it just caught on fire. Bucky drags his knees to his chest and rests his forehead on them.

I think he's glitching.

His head snaps up but he's still alone in the room; he knows this even when the edges of his vision blur, turn dark.

Shit, you think we broke him? Bucky takes another look, searching for the owner of the amused voice. No one. The edges of his vision close on him and his chest feels like there is a candle burning under his shirt.

One more time on the Chair and what we'll have to wipe is his drool.

You're the worst, Evelyn, Bucky hears the female voice clear as if she's less than a foot from him. He covers his right ear with his hand and presses the left ear to his knee. He hears the two women laugh and his skin ripples.

I wouldn't mind wiping some other stuff, says the same voice.

Damn, Karin, I don't think he can even get it up.

"Shut up," the words exit his mouth even with his painfully clenched jaw. But he hears the laughs that follow and they keep talking. About him. Like he hadn't been in front of them. He had been covered in blood, with three broken fingers, three bruised ribs, one broken cheekbone, and somehow he had ended with the hook of a fishing rod stuck on his back. He had finished his mission which meant he wasn't to be meddled with so they only joked and didn't wander too near to his corner.

Bucky's hand threads through his hair and he pulls—he feels the pain just fleetingly, at least until a new voice speaks in his ear.

How long do you think he can stand like that?

Bucky thumps his forehead against his knees.

You want to bet on it?

I want you to know you have a problem. Last week you bet on how long it would take you to take a dump, Alex.

Bucky remembers that the left corner of his mouth had ticked up. He had felt like he was almost part of something.

Hmm. How about if we make him keep one leg on the air?

The back of Bucky's head connects with the door behind him but he doesn't feel the hit.

I'm not getting close to that until Pierce is here.

Bucky tries to get words through his lips but instead a whimper bubbles out—doesn't even sound human.

Bucky's lightheaded when he hears his name being called. His vision is blurry when he comes to it and finds himself backed into a corner. His mouth is dry and his eyelids feel heavy and irritated. He lifts his head from his knees and looks around, brain sluggish.

"Bucky?" There's a light knock on the door. "You in there?"

He tries to speak but his voice is too gruff and no intelligible words come from his throat. There's a short silence. "Can I come in?" Steve's tone sounds too flat for it to be natural.

Bucky shouldn't let Steve see him like this... this... mess—not anymore. He realizes he's shaking at the same time as he touches his cheek and feels dampness. He tries to make the words come out but they just won't. He tries to move from the floor but his muscles won't unlock.

Another minute passes and when Bucky thinks Steve must be about to leave, the knob turns and the door starts opening inch by slow inch. Bucky looks up as Steve appears, still in his uniform as he quickly sweeps the room until he spots Bucky. Steve's face falls and he gives a tentative step towards Bucky after closing the door. His hand is outstretched but he freezes on his feet. He looks closely at Bucky and he must find whatever he's looking for because the next second he's kneeling before him.

"What do you need me to do?"

A pained sound is punched out of Bucky and he turns his head away when his lips tremble.

What is happening to me?

Where has all his training gone, all his control? He's turned into a shaking mess, unable to get to his feet, unable to answer when he's asked to.

I need the Chair, a frantic and scared part of him thinks. What if this gets worse? Everyone has their limit and Steve must be reaching his. Bucky can imagine it, Steve getting fed up with taking care of a man like he's a child.

"You have to put me on the Chair," Bucky finally gets the words out, sounding breathy.

He doesn't see the Steve before him because he's still focused on the one from his imagination, staring at Bucky the same way so many HYDRA agents stared at the Soldier when they had to feed him or hose him down, or cut his hair, something most of the time done while he was unconscious. That's why it comes like a shock when he feels something encase his head. Bucky freezes, thinking it's the Chair; they're finally going to fix him. Bucky keeps his eyes tightly shut, waiting for the wave of pain, and doesn't dare breathe.

"Buck."

He keeps his eyes closed and his body clenched as if one single muscle. But pain doesn't come—there's still something touching his face but there is no pain.

Something brushes his cheekbone and Bucky blinks his eyes open. He finds a pair of concerned blue eyes looking closely at him, brows pulled together and wrinkles of preoccupation adorning his face.

"You with me, pal?"

Bucky prods his brain to remember where he is, who he is. It takes him less time to remember who Steve is and his heart jumps inside his chest after the realization, a different kind of panic taking over him.

Steve's hands are nothing like a vice. They're not cold, they're not ungiving. They're not made of metal and they don't erase him from his own mind. Steve's fingers are gentle, almost feather-like when they touch his neck; when his thumb brushes his jaw and cheek. Bucky's muscles gradually unclench and he's able to breathe without fright. He leans into the touch like a flower reaching out for the sunlight.

HYDRA has never done it so he cannot be sure, but Bucky has the feeling that this must be what positive reinforcement really feels like—getting rewarded for your behavior. Bucky reminds himself he's not with HYDRA and he isn't getting rewarded for anything. Part of him points out how he hasn't done anything to deserve the positive reinforcement, especially not Steve's brand.

Steve's hands remain kind even when Bucky's thoughts turn sharp against him. He hears Steve droning on about where they are, who he is, that Bucky's safe. Bucky lets Steve talk, his voice doing more for Bucky's nerves than the meaning of the words.

"Let's get you off the floor," Steve says but doesn't move until Bucky nods his consent. Steve gets an arm under Bucky's shoulder and lifts him up. He helps Bucky to the bed with slow steps and lowers him with extreme care. Bucky wants to thank him but shame clogs his throat. He peeks at Steve through his hair but only finds the concern from a moment ago.

"How are you feeling?" Steve asks after he sits on his right. There's too much space between them and Bucky's body chooses that moment to remind him how cold he is. A shiver runs through him. Bucky almost jumps when Steve gets an arm around his shoulders and slides until their sides are flush together. He lets out a sigh.

"Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah, sorry about... that," Bucky says morosely but Steve only shakes his head.

"I only care that you're feeling better now."

Bucky lets out an irritated breath. He's better equipped to deal with people who don't care about him so right now Steve is making things more difficult for him even when he means the opposite. Luckily, Steve doesn't comment on the outburst and just lets Bucky lean on him. Bucky's head ends up slipping to Steve's shoulder after a few minutes but he doesn't pull away and Bucky feels like it's a safe place to be. The material of Steve's uniform is coarse but it's not enough reason for Bucky to pull away.

"We'll be leaving in less than an hour," Steve says and it's then that Bucky notices voices behind the door. Steve must feel him tensing up again because his arm tightens around him and his hand brushes carefully his shoulder. "J.A.R.V.I.S. can tell them to leave."

That would be perfect, Bucky thinks, to get rid of what his brain is identifying as a threat right now.

"No." But he doesn't believe that to be the best solution, especially if it will show him as weak. He sits up but doesn't pull away from Steve. Bucky looks at the door, face muscles pulling into something resembling resolve. His skin is vibrating and his legs feel like jelly but he can fake a lot more with far less.

Steve seems to already know what is it that Bucky's brain is going through and he's helping him to his feet before Bucky has said anything.

"Have you eaten?"

"No," Bucky answers before opening the door, his voice still gruff. He looks down at the doorknob; Steve doesn't rush him. Bucky runs a palm over his face, skin feeling irritated, and opens the door before he can overthink the possible outcomes. The bright light gives him pause and it's then that he realizes that J.A.R.V.I.S. must have slightly dimmed the windows in his room when he was in the process of turning a bit crazier.

Steve's teammates are in their uniforms as well and they stop their whispered conversations when they see Bucky and Steve turn the corner. Tony Stark gives a wave of his armored hand, his face sporting a grin, and the other two acknowledge Bucky with a nod and a word of greeting.

(If they really knew what I've done—)

(Bucky's eyes stray from Tony Stark.)

Bucky feels his senses sharpen when he sees them but it's nothing like the feeling he gets when he sees Nick Fury and the woman by his side—it's like his whole body is whipped by an electric current. The two look at Bucky like they're seeing him for the first time; considering but still mistrustful.

"We tried to explain the situation as best as we could," Steve says in his ear, one hand touching lightly his elbow. "But they're still being… cautious."

"Guess it comes with the job." Bucky himself is wary of them; not only because they see him as an enemy and a danger but because there's still a part of Bucky that sees Nick Fury as an enemy of HYDRA.

"Anyone hungry?" Steve asks, heading for the kitchen as if the atmosphere isn't tense enough to be cut with a blunt knife.

"Oh!" Stark exclaims as his metal armor opens up and he shoots for the kitchen. "Pepper said to eat something or J.A.R.V.I.S. wouldn't let me leave the Tower."

Bucky had followed Steve closely and that's why Stark gets to see his eyes widen.

"What is it, Terminator?" Stark asks while he chews and rummages through a cupboard, looking Bucky over.

"Tony," Steve grumbles but he turns to Bucky, too, eyebrows pulled down.

"Didn't you make J.A.R.V.I.S.?" Bucky asks in a voice filled with uncertainty.

"Yes," Stark answers with a tone that lets Bucky know he doesn't understand where Bucky is going to with that question.

"He was joking, Buck," Steve says, giving a step closer and leaving the fridge open behind him. "Pepper's his… partner." Stark snorts but doesn't interrupt Steve's hurried explanation. "She wants him to take care of himself," Bucky sees Stark's face flush at the words, "and she threatens him but it's… like a joke."

Bucky lifts a brow at that. He remembers a HYDRA agent that would threaten with shooting the Soldier if he dared get near him, even though the agent knew no one was to damage the Winter Soldier. Bucky has the feeling it's not the same with Stark and this Pepper lady.

"If you will let me clarify, sirs," J.A.R.V.I.S. says and Bucky feels a faint smile pull at the corners of his mouth. "Mr. Stark is my creator and thus he can override any of Ms. Potts' commands if he really wants to. That said, I won't let the Iron Man amour out of the Tower unless Mr. Stark is well fed." Bucky believes he's about to witness a case of spontaneous human combustion. "Or he remembers Ms. Potts' override code."

Stark snorts derisively. He's just opened his mouth when a female voice cuts him off. "I'm recording this audio file because I know you will forget you changed the override code, Tony. It's my dad's birthday. I'm also reminding you it was your idea because you wanted to prove you could remember it. Love you, Tony. Eat something and J.A.R.V.I.S. will let you play out. Do not call me, Tony, I have too much work."

The recording ends and Bucky hears Clint Barton murmur, "That one is always true no matter when you listen to the audio."

The silence stretches until it borders on awkward.

"I'm divorcing her," Stark grumbles.

"You're not married," the Widow says after a snort.

"I don't care, I will marry her just to get a divorce," Stark continues with feeling and Bucky catches Fury rolling his eye.

"You're not fooling anyone," Barton says with a smile.

Steve puts a hand on Stark's shoulder and sits him on one of the chairs at the table. "Just eat, Tony, we have time," Steve says, almost chiding but with a fond smile. "I'll make you something."

The four Avengers suddenly fall in complete synchrony as Barton takes a seat at the table in front of Stark while the Widow joins Steve at the stove. He passes her ingredients and she puts them on the counter. Neither of them pay any attention to Fury and the woman who is with him, Maria. Bucky takes a step back, feeling like he's intruding.

He doesn't have time to take another step before Barton is looking right at him.

"Hey, man, take a seat." He gestures with a hand for Bucky to get to the table. Bucky falters but he sits by Stark's side so as not to turn his back to Fury and Maria. He still feels like ants are crawling all over his skin and there's a tingling sensation at the back of his skull, like he's being watched through the scope of a rifle.

He listens to the Avengers chat while Steve and the Widow cook. They're deliberately acting like Fury and Maria aren't present and Bucky sees Fury roll his eye again when he too realizes this. The woman's expression doesn't change but she heads for the table, too. Just when she's about to take the seat in front of Bucky, Barton swiftly slides into it. Maria huffs but sits on the vacated chair while Barton acts like nothing has happened and Stark's shoulders shake with contained laughter.

Bucky looks at Barton and when he catches the man's eye, he can only give a little nod of gratitude with a stiff neck—he wishes to do something more. Barton gives a slight smile making Bucky's stomach settle and his hand unclench from the fist it had turned into.

He sits with his shoulders turned into one tense line and listens to Steve and Natasha converse—they've just come from visiting Sam Wilson. Nick Fury doesn't speak but he keeps a close eye on Bucky, arms crossed and shoulder leaning against the wall. Bucky regards him and the woman with the same distrust.

A bowl of soup is placed in front of him and Bucky finally looks away and up to see Steve giving him an easy smile. Stark gets up from his seat by Bucky's right and it's replaced by Steve. He catches Maria arching a brow but the Avengers act as if nothing unusual has happened. Stark takes his plate of eggs and toast and eats on his feet while the Widow sits at the head of the table, having a perfect view of Nick Fury. Bucky can see the tension between those two and it's making him feel on edge—more so—not knowing what can happen between them.

Bucky's train of thought is derailed when a hand lands on his thigh, just over his knee. He looks in confusion at Steve who is giving him a faint smile. Steve must see something in Bucky's face because his smile falls and his fingers tense. He's about to remove his hand when Bucky covers it with his own. Steve's smile returns, broad and bright, and he turns his hand to entwine their fingers. Bucky looks at their hands in wonder—Steve's palm is so warm, just like his smile, like his words when he directs them at Bucky…

Bucky feels a wave of chills run over him, rapidly replaced by warmth. He lifts his head to see if anyone has noticed what Steve is doing and what the action has done to Bucky. No one is paying them any attention, still eating and chatting. Bucky's eyes get dragged to their hands once again and he doesn't know how long he spends frozen like that, just marveling at the image of Steve holding him even if in such a small way.

"Oh, sorry," Steve says and suddenly Bucky's hand is cold again. Bucky would prefer not to eat if it will mean holding Steve's hand again. Either way, he takes the spoon and tries not to shiver when Steve's fingers return to his leg. Bucky looks through his strands of hair, making sure once again that no one is looking at them, no one is misinterpreting Steve's touch for something that it's not. Maybe Bucky should warn Steve about what people do to people like Bucky and that Steve ought to be more careful.

But there are too many ears here that could hear. So he eats a soup that this morning tastes of Steve's touch and a fast-beating and guilty heart.

They all finish their breakfast but no one moves from the kitchen area. The Avengers keep talking, Nick Fury and Maria have their attention on their phones, and Bucky stays still and attentive; to the hand on his leg, to the shadows in the room shifting as the sun rises, to being part of whatever this is.

Some more time passes and Nick Fury finally moves from his corner. "We gotta leave."

Barton and the Widow get up without a word and get to the door that leads to the elevator. Tony groans so everyone will know he doesn't feel like accompanying them. Steve is the last to follow. He drags his hands to his lap, eyes distant but for once there isn't a frown marring his face. Bucky observes him for a minute but Steve seems to have sunk deep in thought.

Bucky can see Fury's frustration and knows he's about to snap. He gets up and Steve finally looks up and follows suit with a faint smile.

"You going to need help with the shoulder?" Steve asks in a low tone, only for Bucky to hear. There's enough space between the two of them and the rest so they won't be overheard. Bucky almost smirks at Fury's expression of annoyance. "Also, we'll have to go to the medic wing soon so they can get your stitches removed."

"Don't worry," he says with the same tone. Bucky catches some furtive anxiety in Steve's words. "I'll ask J.A.R.V.I.S. to call Dum-E if I need help with the bandages. And we'll go when you're back," he hurries to add when Steve opens his mouth. Bucky feels his mouth go dry when he remembers the medic wing; he knows he won't be able to go there without turning catatonic—especially if he goes alone.

Steve nods but doesn't move. He looks at Bucky's face with an absent expression.

"Steve?"

Steve blinks his eyes. "Sorry, I—" He makes a pause and runs a hand over his stubble, but then his face gives way to a genuine smile that borders on bashful. It leaves Bucky feeling unsteady. "I just really don't want to leave, you know?"

Bucky doesn't know why Steve keeps looking at him like that, why he's smiling at him, eyes crinkling at the corners and skin turning pink.

Bucky sees Steve's hands move but he feels rooted to the spot. Steve holds his face between his gloved palms, and still with that one smile that rivals sunlight itself he presses his lips to Bucky's cheek. It's gentle, it's slow, it's warm. Then Steve pulls away and looks at Bucky with a serene expression while Bucky can only stare wide-eyed. He glances behind Steve, insides frozen with dread.

"Steve…" He swallows.

Steve's hands are holding Bucky's shoulders now and he waits for Bucky to speak. But he can't because everyone saw. Bucky can't even stop and think about what this means for him—that maybe Steve reciprocates his feelings—because all these people just saw what Steve did.

An old, almost ancient fear is gripping Bucky and doesn't let him think with clarity. He tries to reason that Steve isn't a normal human being, that he can bend metal with his own hands; hurting him won't be easy, maybe not even permanent. But Bucky's fear brings forward a memory that eclipses any logic.

He remembers Dustin O'Halloran's face—before and after he was beaten to death in 1932. He remembers Nina and Lisa and how everyone stopped talking about them after their husbands found out about their affair but no one saw the two women again. He remembers when Arnold Roth and Tommy Glover had to leave the neighborhood when they couldn't walk down the street without receiving some kind of threat. His ma had let the two young men sleep in their living room when someone threatened to burn their house with the two of them inside the day before they moved out.

There are more names and right now Bucky's fried brain fears Steve turning into one of them.

He doesn't have time to say or do anything when Steve is saying, "Wait here a sec," and brushing past him.

He chances another glance at the group of people. Barton and Stark are whispering with faces as excited as the ones of kids on Christmas morning; the Widow is… smiling, oddly enough; Fury seems annoyed, about to burst a vein; and Maria is looking at Steve's retreating back with an arched brow. Bucky isn't finding any of the emotions he was expecting but that's not enough to put a stop to the cold sweat rolling down his back.

"I want you to have this," Steve says and Bucky focuses on the man's face; Steve's holding something for him. Bucky takes the dog tags and traces the name and numbers with his thumb. His mind is suddenly emptied of all the turmoil from seconds before.

"Is it stupid?" Steve asks with a short laugh but the self-doubt is there for everyone to see. Bucky looks at him in wonder, palm closing around the tags. "No," he rasps.

"I'm not leaving you, Buck; I want you to know that." Steve's smile has been replaced with that earnestness that used to confuse Bucky. Right now it makes his back straighten and the fog of fear clears.

"I know, Steve."

"I'm not leaving you and I don't want to." Steve stares at him like he wants Bucky to understand something that lies beyond his words. Bucky thinks he understands. He gives a nod, the fist inside where the tags are, pressed against his chest.

It all ends with a hug and when they separate Bucky can see in Steve's face that he wants to stay—with Bucky.

"Don't do anything stupid," Bucky warns. Steve opens his mouth to say something but seems to think twice about it.

"I'm coming back whole." It sounds like a promise, one Bucky's going to cling to.