Three days had passed since Severus understood that he really-really mucked it up with Harry, and had been spending a lot of time figuring out how to fix things with the teenager, who was his bonded husband now. It wasn't an ideal situation, but Severus did agree to go through with it. And yes, while they had agreed to keep the act of teacher and student at Hogwarts, Severus stupidly went back on what he told Harry, which had been that the boy could come see him in his room as long as it was discreet and not all the time. Harry didn't even start trying to visit Severus until the beginning of October, when it had been two months since they were married and had sex.
Harry had seemed a little nervous the first couple of times, asking for relief couldn't have been easy. How did you ask your husband, who was also your teacher, if you could have sex with them? It was awkward even leaving out the teacher factor. Regardless, Severus knew he had to make this right. When Severus returned home that night after being told by Narcissa, Lucius, and his own godson that he'd screwed up big time with Harry, the first thing Severus did was go check on Harry, who had fallen back asleep. Severus carefully checked over the boy for fever, finding that he thankfully didn't have one, and then left potions on his nightstand with a note to what they were.
One for pain, another for nausea, a pepper-up, a nutrient potion as Severus learned from Draco that Harry hadn't eaten since breakfast that day and also barely ate at the morning meal, and then the last was a sleeping draught. Yes, Harry was sleeping on his own, but if nightmares or things were keeping him from sleeping peacefully; the potion would help. The note only mentioned that if Harry needed anything to let him know. Severus never saw Harry much the past three days, but always left the potions outside Harry's door for him to see if he left the room for the bathroom.
Severus spent the last three days figuring out how he was going to fix things; Harry hadn't seemed much into talking to him and avoided his presence as much as possible. Severus felt like it had something to do with their bond; he agreed to be more open to things to himself and since he had felt more coming through the bond and suspected a lot of it was Harry's heartbreak, as Lucius described the feeling would be. Perhaps they were not in love, but someone could still have their heart broken when rejected. Still, nothing could happen until Harry came out of his room and potentially that would be when Severus could talk to him.
It was now December 24th as Severus was in the sitting room and setting up a small table in the corner with a small Christmas tree. When the tree was set up, and a few other small things for décor, Severus sat down in his chair by the fire to read. The hours passed until it was nearing lunch time as Severus headed into the kitchen to take a seat at the table. His house elf, Winky, appeared with a pop.
"Master Snape is wanting lunch?" Winky asked.
"Yes, please," Severus replied. Winky had worked for the Crouch family, but got fired and ended up working in the Hogwarts kitchens. However, she was sad and drank a lot until Severus called on her for some wine one night and he ended up asking her if she wanted to work for him personally. That helped Winky recover from drinking and make her happy. Winky brought Severus a plate of food, then a drink and made sure to bring utensils. "Thank you." Winky bowed her head to him and was about to leave when Harry walked into the kitchen slowly. "Harry," Severus said with some surprise. "How do you feel?"
"Not as bad, I guess…" Harry replied.
"I'm pleased to hear such. I've been worried," Severus informed.
"I told you that you didn't have to worry about me…" Harry responded softly.
"It is my job, Harry. Have you come to eat finally? The nutrient potions work to an extent, but not as good as food itself." Severus told him.
"I came to ask if you had any potions for energy boosts. I don't feel sick anymore, but I'm drained from all the sleeping…" Harry mentioned.
"I do," Severus nodded. "But you need to eat something, Harry. Come sit down. Winky, could you please get one vial of Invigoration Draught from my store room? And another plate for Harry?"
"Yes, Master Snape. Winky would be happy to do that for Harry Potter. Dobby says many good things about you, sir," Winky informed.
"Dobby is a good friend of mine. You used to work at Hogwarts, didn't you?" Harry recalled.
"Winky did, sir. But then Winky began to serve the Snape family last year and Winky is a happy elf now." Winky told Harry.
"I'm glad to hear that, Winky." Harry smiled. "Do you like it here?"
"Winky loves it, sir. Winky does miss Dobby, though." Winky admitted.
"If you ever want to see him, I can call him here." Harry offered.
"Harry Potter is a good and kind master. Dobby has said so. Winky will go get Harry Potter a plate, and the potion now." Winky popped from the room as Harry took a seat across from Severus. It wasn't long until Winky returned with the plate, which she set down, and then gave Harry the potion. "Winky be returning to her duties."
"Thank you, Winky," Severus told her and she nodded, then vanished again.
Harry downed the potion and then slowly worked at the food he'd been given. The meal was silent as Severus noticed that Harry wouldn't look at him. This was his chance to talk to the boy and attempt to fix things. It might not happen right away, but Severus could try. However, when the meal was over, Harry was up first and heading to leave the room. Severus followed and saw that Harry was going towards the stairs.
"Thank you for lunch and the potion, Professor. I'll be going back to my room now…See you for dinner." Harry closed his eyes and started up the first step.
Severus knew this was the chance to talk to Harry, but yet he couldn't find the words to stop the boy from walking away. Why did he feel so afraid after all the years of never missing a beat to give Harry a hard time? In all the time he spent wondering how to go about this, Harry was already back upstairs and turned into his room. The door closed as Severus sighed.
'Severus Snape-Prince, you get yourself together and go talk to Harry right now. You can sit in a room with the dark lord and death eaters and keep a straight face the entire time while lying through your teeth. You can talk to a teenager…Who you happen to be bonded to. Merlin, when did my life get so complicated…' He paused.
'That's a dumb question, you damn well know when. You decided to join the dark lord and things went downhill from there.' The potions master walked up the stairs and reached Harry's room then took a breath as Lucius suggested days ago when approaching Harry.
'Just talk to him like you would any other year in the past. Nothing has changed.' The man halted his hand from knocking on the door. 'Everything has changed.' He argued with himself. 'And talk to him gently. Don't call him Potter, keep a light tone…' He could almost hear Lucius's voice tell him. 'And for the love of Merlin, apologize to him before anything else.' That time he heard Draco and Narcissa remind. Severus finally made contact with the door, knocked three times on the old wood then waited.
The door opened as Severus saw Harry standing there. "Yes, Professor Snape?" Harry greeted. "Do you need something, sir?"
"Yes, Harry…" Severus replied. "I…Would like to talk to you, if that's alright. Do you mind if I come in and we sit down?" He asked.
Harry was surprised by the question, but opened the door fully and stepped out of the way to let the man enter. "It's your room, technically; you could have just come in…" Harry told him as Severus passed by.
"It is your room, Harry. I allowed you to pick it and claim it for the time you're here." Severus informed. "I'm not going to just barge in without asking first."
"I see…" Harry said. "What did you want to talk about? Have I done something to upset you?"
"No, no, Harry. You're not in any trouble," Severus assured. "Please, let's sit?" Harry took a seat on the edge of his bed and Severus sat next to the teenager. They were somewhat facing one another as Severus felt that would be the best way for them to talk. 'Apologize first.' Severus reminded himself. "I'm sorry." Severus finally spoke.
"Sir? Whatever for? You've done not-," Harry began.
"I have, Harry." Severus put a hand up so Harry would allow him to finish. "I wronged you many times since you came to Hogwarts, and none more so than after we got married. I realized how awful I've been to you over the years; it wasn't right nor fair to you just because I couldn't let go of the past. Things I said in our fight last month…I'm furious with myself for even uttering them. I did not mean those words. I'm sorry, Harry, and I ask for your forgiveness though I do not deserve to even request such and I will understand if you do not grant it."
"Professor-," Harry started.
"Severus." The potions master insisted. "Call me Severus, please?"
"Okay, Severus…Thank you for the apology, but there is no need to ask for my forgiveness." Harry informed.
"Harry, there is. What I said was cruel and low, I know it hurt you and I hadn't wanted to do that. I had no right to yell at you the way I did. I told you that you could come to my room any time you wanted as long as it was discreet and not interrupting normal classes. Every time you came, I denied you what you wanted. I went back on what I said, you were right to call me a liar." Severus stated.
"You don't need to ask my forgiveness because you didn't do anything wrong. I'm the one who trapped you in this marriage for my own selfish reasons…You have every right to be upset with me for dragging you into this. You more than saved my life over the years, despite hating me…I should be asking you for your forgiveness." Harry looked down.
"Harry, I've done many things wrong in my life and I regret all of them more than you'll ever know." Severus told him. "I don't have the right to be upset about the marriage because you didn't trap me in it. You didn't hold me at wand point and demand that I marry you and you didn't even call in the life debt to make me. No, Harry…I won't have you believing you have done me wrong in this arrangement." He stated.
"You asked me, with good reason, to marry you. You wanted to get away from your godfather, who is clearly unwell from his time in Azkaban and didn't want to return to your muggle relatives because they abused and starved you. You didn't have a choice and you chose to come to me and ask a favor. Harry, I agreed of my own free will. You didn't trap me."
"But you still hate it. Hate me because of it…You even said so in the fight last month, that you never should have done this…" Harry reminded.
"I was angry and said things in the heat of the moment. I didn't mean any of the things I said to you, Harry. And I don't believe them either…" Severus informed. "I don't hate you, Harry. I truly do not. And I don't…Hate this marriage."
"Yes you do, you don't have to lie to my face…" Harry turned his head away, arms folded lightly over one another.
"Harry…Look in my eyes." Severus asked as Harry faced the man again, looking into his eyes. "I don't hate you, or the marriage. Okay? I don't. The marriage makes things complicated, but I don't hate it. I worry about my job, I worry about the ministry taking action, and I worry for my very life." Severus expressed.
"I told you not to worry about any of those things…" Harry muttered. "I know I'm just a kid, but I'm pretty resourceful, cunning, and whatever other Slytherin traits you wanna toss into the pot. I also still share Gryffindor ones…I'm stronger than your average sixth year, Severus…Dumbledore, the ministry can't do anything because it's legal and we're not doing anything against the rules. And the dark lord…If he gives you any trouble, tell me…I'd be grateful to kick his ass to blow off some steam…"
Severus chuckled a little. "Let's not purposely engage the dark lord…You do very well against him for still being a student, but you're not invincible, Harry." He stated. "As for Dumbledore and the ministry, I know everything is legal. As long as our relationship isn't interfering with my job or your schooling and it's kept private; there's nothing to say a married couple can't have their relationship in school." He added. "But that there lies where I was wrong, Harry. I kept denying you when you came to me…And I'm sorry for that."
"I wasn't always looking for sex, you know…" Harry told him.
"What?" Severus asked.
"The nights I came to you, most of them weren't even for sex…" Harry repeated.
"Then…Why were you coming?" Severus questioned.
Harry shrugged. "Just to hang out, I guess. I know I've got my friends, but I know them…I don't know you and we said we'd get to know each other. So a lot of times I was visiting you was just to talk. Actually, except for that last time I came and we fought, I didn't want sex. Just wanted to sit and talk with you." Harry informed.
Now, Severus felt like an ass more than before. He shouldn't have assumed. "Harry, I'm truly sorry for that fight. I didn't mean the things I said…I still ask your forgiveness, or willing to earn it."
"You don't have to ask, Severus…But if it makes you feel better to have it, then I forgive you…" Harry told him.
"Our bond, Harry…It's not like other ones. It allows us to feel each other's emotions, know when the other is in trouble or in pain. I consulted Lucius a couple days ago about the bond and he told me that the reason behind you being sick might be because I rejected you, rejected the bond in my anger last month. And ever since, our bond was trying to pull us back together. I don't know if you felt it, but for me…Ever since you walked out the door of my room when we fought; I'd been feeling a pull to go to you. Like I felt you trying to call me to you."
"I felt it…The moment I walked out the door I felt something telling me to go back and fix things…But I knew how angry you were with me, so I ignored it…" Harry admitted.
"Lucius told me something else too, but I'm not sure you're ready to hear it." Severus said.
"Tell me," Harry invited.
"You remember how our bonding ritual went, with the glowing circle…Lucius informed me that it's rumored to mean the gods and goddesses, as well as Lady Magic have smiled upon and blessed the union because it was meant to happen and a soul found who they belong with." Severus said.
"So…Soulmates?" Harry asked.
"Yes. But…It doesn't mean we have to love one another. Just that…We belong together in some way. It could be friendship. I've been an ass to you, but I have always been here for you too. There's always been a feeling for me: know what you're up to, protect you. Of course I promised Albus I would protect you years ago after your parents died. As a show of good faith that I want to fix this with you, mend things…I may have hated your father and his friends, Harry…"
"But I loved your mother. She was my best friend and I was in love with her. When she died, I was devastated." Harry stared at him. "I pulled away from you because of my work with the dark lord. Everyone knew he wasn't gone and would come back one day. But Harry, even without the promise to Dumbledore…I'd promised your mother that I'd keep you safe. Imagine that difficulty while having to make the dark lord think I'm not involved as your protector."
"I imagine that's very hard, lying to his face when he calls you. I've always respected it about you, in fact…I know you risk your life every day for me…" Harry looked down. "I'm sorry you can't live in peace because of me."
"Harry, no. I protect you by choice. I…Disliked how similar you were to your father because you look like him. Him and his friends bullied me during our Hogwarts years…But more than that, Harry…You have his knack for trouble. You made reckless choices that endangered your life. It's hard to protect you when you welcome the danger you find with open arms…" Severus stated.
"Listen…All that aside. I chose to marry you, Harry…You didn't make me do this, I agreed to your request. Our bond suffered because of me rejecting you, and it can only be broken by us…What I did was cause strain and tension, inadvertently broke your heart with how I acted."
"It still didn't hurt as much as knowing that no one sees me for me, except a few. No one just sees a sixteen-year-old student trying to learn all he can about magic and then go out into the world to live his life." Harry informed. "I was a slave to my aunt and uncle, a punching bag to my cousin. Dumbledore only sees me as a weapon to defeat the dark lord. Most people who knew my parents never let me forget that I look like my father, and undoubtedly have my mother's eyes. Remus says I have her kind and understanding heart too. And everyone else…" He paused.
"They just see me as the boy who lived, the boy who defeated the dark lord as a baby…And that's wrong." Harry continued as Severus listened. "I…Didn't destroy him. He did it to himself when his curse rebounded because of my mother's sacrifice. It…Was nothing to do with me except the fact I was being protected." Harry sighed. "You don't know how much I hate it, Severus…Never being just…Just Harry." He looked down. "I just want…Normal. I've been saying it for years. I just want to be normal and what hurts the most is knowing that will never happen."
"You're just Harry to your friends. To Lucius and Narcissa…To me." Severus told him. "I can't imagine what it's like to live the life you do, Harry. I assume it's annoying." He went on. "I'm sorry for the times I've compared you to your father all these years. Treating you with the disdain I had for him. It was my hate of the past with your father and his friends that fogged my judgment of you…"
"But I promise that it will never get in the way again. I see now that you may look like James, and sometimes get yourself into trouble…But you're your mother. You do have her eyes, her kindness and understanding. Even without that…I know that you are their son and being that doesn't make you them. And from now on, I vow to you that I will only see you as their son. As Harry."
Harry smiled a little. "Thank you."
"I don't know where the future will take us, Harry, but I'd like to take that journey with you. I want to get to know you. Forgoing the plans we had to break the bond when you turn seventeen…Let's see what happens. We're a pretty rare case, according to Lucius. If you're accepting, I'd like to give this a chance and see where it goes if we…Don't fight it."
"You…Really want to try and make this marriage work? You want to stay married after I turn seventeen and see what happens?" Harry inquired.
"I do…Do you?" Severus questioned.
"I do…" Harry agreed. "We still have to act as teacher and student in school, don't we?"
"Yes, but only during hours," Severus smiled.
"I think I can live with that…" Harry grinned.
"Then so can I," Severus nodded and held out his hand. "To see where it goes?"
Harry shook the man's hand. "To see where it goes." Then Harry yanked the man forward and claimed his lips in a deep kiss. While it surprised Severus, he melted right into it.