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Souls of the Night – Vol 3

4.

Even with a nanny, I loved flying patrol with my vitreous prince. Now he knew that the rest of us had always been right. Gliding was easy. If you had the courage to go for it. Sometimes - with sudden changes in the currents between the buildings - he was still thrown off course a little, but he was fast, graceful and agile thanks to his slim build.

He had learned to navigate his way through up and down winds better and even though his landings were more successful on four "legs" than on two, this was much more than I had assumed in the first week that he would ever achieve in three months. In general, Nate had developed wonderfully since the burden of his impending permanent petrification had fallen off him and he had his fire mostly under control. Just in case, I had equipped every gargoyle and especially myself and Nate with fire extinguisher chips that we had both developed together. They looked like wide silver gambling chips, were filled with highly compressed extinguishing foam and if Nate got too hot where they were in his trouser pockets, they would blow up and cover him in ice-cold foam. Not completely - you'd need more than one chip for that, but it was cold enough to bring him out of a burning frenzy. If only part of his body was burning - his arms, his head or his wings - it was a sign that he still had things well under control and nothing would blow up. That gave security. For everyone. Especially for him.

He was now showing more and more character traits that I had never assumed he would have. But perhaps they must have always been there. Hidden under the shame of being gay, under the fear of Jussuf and under his depression. And now that he was no longer a man - no longer had to be Nathaniel Sharif - he always seemed to spend whole hours feeling liberated. Or ... at least minutes by now, because time was racing and he kept making it clear that he wanted to become human again. For whatever reason he wanted that.

It was all the more important to me that he enjoyed his last days. That he enjoyed his freedom and his body. He was still often insecure and hesitant, blushed easily and was easily controlled by others. But in a strange way he became aware of his new body and its effect on me. There were small changes. The way he looked at me after we had spent hours poring over a machine or playing computer games, I had said something completely irrelevant - and it triggered him for some reason. It was mostly just his eyes - but they were an invitation. And if I moved even an inch towards this invitation, he would approach the rest. Which usually ended with us ending up on top of each other. He got downright playful and in some cases, when he felt really safe (or was just sex-drunk) it went way beyond eye contact. Just last week he had surprised me with the unusual control he had over his fifth limb when he had suddenly touched my foot with his tail, moved up my leg and wrapped it around my waist. He had pulled me into a lying position and lay on top of me to get what he wanted. I gladly took over the even more crude make-out attempts (although it was rarely just an attempt because I also knew what effect I had on him) and loved the way he got worked up and quickly played along. I was glad that Nathaniel was only now discovering this physical side of himself. And that he was doing it with me.

If Jussuf Masoud had been a different person ... if he had "trained" Nate differently, more gently and not with the sole focus on his own desires - and if Nate had enjoyed it - he would have been the perfect lover. A naughty little Sub from the picture book. Jussuf was a monster but an even bigger idiot. He had possessed a treasure without knowing it. He had let a plant wither that could have borne such rich and tasty fruit. Even though I would never have been able to admit it - and still found it disgusting - I was glad that all this had brought Nate to me. And that he was now living out his sexuality with me. Lived it out with pleasure. And only held back a little when we were alone. I had learned what he responded well to. He liked being kissed and caressed, which is probably how most people feel. But he reacted particularly well to being touched on parts of his body that he didn't have as a human. Where his wings grew out of his back - typical backwing-gargoyle. At the base of his tail. When I caressed his horns and licked the transitions to his skin, he came almost too quickly - I only rarely took advantage of this when I wanted to tease him or when the sunrise was too close.

And yes - even teasing him a little seemed to fuel his fire - literally. He always acted a little bashful or complained in a pouty childish way- but his eyes got that fuck-me expression right after or during that- and so I couldn't help but give him what he, maybe only subconsciously, asked for (like earlier in the week when my clan surprised us in the locker room). So he suited my teasing, slightly sadistic traits well. Sadistic not in the way most people understood it. Not - never in a physically painful way. Always just in a way that made me realize Nate still liked it. Like when I pulled out of him a little just before his orgasm, which always left him perplexed and somehow offended at the sudden emptiness inside him and the delay in his climax. Then we would look at each other and without having to say it I would ask him to take a little initiative himself and get what he wanted (usually a body part of me). Or he begged and pleaded a little. I loved that. All in all, Nate seemed to be completely absorbed in his role as Bottom, even blossoming. No more than I wanted, he didn't want to leave me unsatisfied or hurt me - my polite glass prince.

Nathaniel had also thawed towards the clan. They had had to teach him to stop being the reserved guest. And now... as his time as a Gargoyle was coming to an end and I was honestly getting a bit of a last-minute panic, maybe what Brooklyn had said was true... that maybe (just maybe) I was getting a little too carried away with teasing and turning Nate on. I just couldn't help it - he was so sweet and sensual and every move he made was arousing even though he didn't do anything special most of the time and I knew it was MY view of him. And now the clan leader was forcing Nash on me as a governess and Nate and I were being forced on Nashville. I had only myself to blame for that. But I refused to apologize for my displays of affection. And I and everyone else knew that even without Nathaniel and me, Nashville was going to start up again. The fact that he volunteered more often to take one of the beasts on patrols just to keep his distance from the more sentient Gargoyles capable of speech (and especially from Nathaniel and me) was a pretty clear sign. That he became so touchy and spiteful behavior whenever Nate mentioned his upcoming humanization was somehow understandable in that context. Considering his previous experiences.

But ... especially in view of NATHANIEL's earlier experiences, I noticed how increasingly insecure he became around Nashville due to his behavior. The usual pointed comments, which were not meant to be malicious and which served to amuse everyone and, in my estimation, had also trained Nathaniel's backbone a little, had now given way to looks and tones that were clearly disapproving. And Nathaniel - always shy of conflict, always eager to please but also fearful of further rejection - was now tiptoeing around Nashville, constantly watching him in an effort to get back on his good side and trying to make him mild and merciful.

Gosh, I'd even heard Nate chirp sadly two or three times - the communicative behavior of little disillusioned hatchlings - which made me all the more tempted to shower him with caresses and consolations, which in turn made Nate and Nash and EVERYONE uncomfortable because it was just too much (from the others' point of view). When Nashville was like that, even though I knew why he was like that, I felt called to stand up to Nate. Nash could cause Nathaniel's recently built up self-confidence to crack again. I wouldn't let that happen. I loved Nashville and, like everyone else after more than 25 years, I understood his almost unique condition - but Nate was too fragile for these mind games. He just didn't get it. How could he? And how could I explain it to him? Most humans didn't understand true love. How was I supposed to explain a bond to him? One that had been so often torn, reknotted, chafed and sullied that it now consisted only of pain and longing and guilt and agony for all parties, without being able to get away from each other without ending up dead.

I would have to explain it to Nate soon, because even if Brooklyn established a rotation schedule for anti-melancholy Nash-sitting and anti-lecherous Lexington-sitting in the clan, the demands for clarification would soon be bursting out of my beloved like candy from an open piñata.

.

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After I had given Lex his tea, I handed Nashville an iced macchiato. Unfortunately, mainly Mac Donald's and Dunkin Donuts were open around the clock, but it was okay between patrols.

"Nate, you don't have to serve us. Especially not him," Lex grumbled, dunking his tea bag in his paper cup as we strolled down the street.

Nashville chortled that sinister sonorous laugh that had become increasingly rancorous of late.

"Oh, why not. If we're soon not going to be able to enjoy his obliging nature so often anyway. Or maybe you're jealous because he's not just fawning over you."

Lex glared at him as I hurried up the fire escape of a two-storey building (a paper cup with hot liquid in it wasn't made to be held by my tail forever - although I was pretty proud of myself for how well I kept it under control at times.) The two brawlers came after me without interrupting their hushed argument even as we crouched on the edge of the roof.

"Nathaniel is doing this out of anxiety and you know it. Just because you're frustrated doesn't mean you can let him constantly feel it. He's not used to your summertime moods."

"My summer moods! Now give it a rest!"

"I'd love to - really. Why are you making his last nights so difficult?"

"I'm making his last nights difficult? Get a grip on yourself, Loverboy."

"Guys ... I - please. You're family - you love each other. Please don't fight over something like this," I said, distressed and scared. I didn't like it when they spoke as if I would cease to exist after I became human again. I had already noticed that with others when they didn't pay attention to their choice of words. I would still exist - or not? I could still be Lexington's friend. Things would change but ... I would still be here.

"We don't fight. You don't know what a fight between Gargoyles looks like," Nash muttered in annoyance, taking a sip of his coffee as Lex took a deep breath and moved a little closer to me. I tried to keep my displays of affection in front of Nash even lower than they already were, but my wing instinctively moved around my friend. Last week, Nash didn't have to play cockblocker for Lex and me every night. No, it was Katana once too. Then Angela. Then Brooklyn himself. Tonight was the second night with just Nash and ... we did our jobs and had stopped an ATM from being blown up and two break-ins but ... everything was kind of tense.

Lex refused to patrol with anyone other than me and I totally understood - he wanted to spend every hour I could glide with me and I loved gliding too.

Being airborne quickly became second nature and I already knew I would miss it terribly. But I wouldn't miss being the cause of such a strained atmosphere (even if no one let me notice it like Nashville did). I had overstayed my welcome among the gargoyles. Even though I petrified among them and now tried to make myself useful everywhere as an ironing assistant for Tachi, hair braiding volunteer for Heather, tech support for Lexington, or within the limits of my "combat" skills on patrols, I was nothing like Elisa. I wasn't mental strong, I wasn't a vital part of the clan structure. I was an outsider.

They all liked me - more or less. I really believed that. But I wasn't going to break the delicate bonds of tolerance by continuing to enjoy myself on Lexington's back even after Alex was back and putting a strain on everyone else.

I moved cautiously to Nash, who was looking into his cup as if he could read something from the ice cubes like a seer from tea leaves.

"It's not even two weeks, Nashville," I tried to placate the pale blue gargoyle man.

"What's only two more weeks?" he asked with an edgy undertone.

"Um, until I get turned back. Then I won't get on your nerves anymore." Lexington and Nashville turned their heads and as Lexington's expression looked bitter, Nashville stared at me with that killer look he'd inherited from his father.

I smiled encouragingly even though I wanted to shiver. "Two weeks goes by really fast," I said softly, raising my hand to press my knuckles against his brow ridge. But he slapped my hand away.

"Excellent. I can't hardly wait!" Nash snarled, thrusting his empty coffee mug into my clutches and - disregarding Lexington's indignant "Hey" - dropped off the edge of the roof and spread his wings to soar away. I looked after him and blinked several times to keep the tears from escaping. I wouldn't cry. That was no reason to cry. Just because other kids on the playground didn't like me didn't mean I was going to blackmail them with my squeamish emotions.

Lexington growled and the paper cup in his hand crumpled.

"Please, Lex. It's okay. I-I just meant that he won't have me in his face all the time. And I won't distract you so much anymore. When I- when I'm human again and live in the Flatlands again, it won't put so much pressure on the others."

"You're not putting pressure on anyone, Nathaniel," Lex said, letting me hand him a tissue so he could wipe off the lukewarm tea on his hand.

"Alex will be back soon. I've turned a blind eye to it long enough and let it go. I know you want to keep protecting me, but you can't wrap me up in absorbent cotton forever," I said sensitively.

"Can't I at least try to wrap you in absorbent cotton?" Lex joked, making me laugh as he pulled out his cell phone to check the mission coordination app that showed Nashville's location. He wouldn't fly too far away. He just needed to cool down a bit.

"I just don't like it - I mean ... those three months went by so fast."

His helpless tone hurt me and was so endearing at the same time. He really did love me. But there were more important things than him and me.

"Lex. Just because I will be human again and can walk in the daylight doesn't mean I'm out of the world. We can still spend time together. We can have dinner together in the evening, I can visit you and you can visit me. We can play video games together, go to the movies, chat, talk on the phone and - and do other things," I added quietly and his mischievous smile made me blush.

"Like what?" he asked teasingly.

"Kissing and - and you know. So ... unless you don't want to do that with a human."

"Not with a human per se - just with you. I'll have to be very careful with you when you're out of your gargoyle skin," Lexington said reflectively.

"I know you can handle it. You're the gentlest person in the whole world. Elisa and Goliath can do it too."

Lexington rested his head against the crook of my neck and I automatically wrapped my wings around my frog prince - I'd miss that too.

"Well..." he thought aloud. "Goliath had a mate before Elisa. He was able to practice with a gargoyle for years and let out everything he could. And because of this knowledge, he was able to slowly approach a human body and learn what was okay and what felt good for such a body. At the beginning of their relationship, Elisa sometimes had a scratch from his claws or a bruise, but now everything is okay."

"And it's not like I wasn't used to scratches and bruises as a human. I don't think you'd hurt me on your worst nights like ... he did on his best," I said, biting my lip immediately afterwards. Just thinking about Jussuf Masoud made me nauseous. Because I wasn't just thinking about rape, I was thinking about my family, who were still under his toxic influence and I had no idea how I - the well-known morally rotten black sheep of the family - was going to convince them what he was really like. On my first night as a gargoyle, I had wanted to tell them what had happened (or at least tell them a version that didn't involve Jussuf breaking my neck and a magical emergency rescue metamorphosis into a gargoyle). But they wouldn't have believed me and I knew that. Lex had convinced me with good arguments to let the matter rest for the time being. That suited me because it scared the shit out of me to face them or Jussuf again. I knew that my beloved had made my family believe that he (they only knew his human version) and I were in Switzerland for a long "spa stay" with Handy Detox. Heck, he'd even sent them expensive cheese platters and assorted pralines twice via his LeXa ltd. branch in Switzerland to keep them quiet although he emphasized that they didn't deserve the stuff the way they'd treated me.

"I don't like that you're already planning injuries into our future relationship," he grumbled, rubbing his head against my throat as if he wanted to scentmark me. "You won't be able to stop me from spoiling my boyfriend a little," he threatened further.

I sighed. "I know you'll get me a job. Just don't make it so ... that it looks so extremely like nepotism - please. You have a tendency to overshoot the mark."

"Me?" he said in feigned surprise, his voice croaking like a teenager's as he said it. He looked up at me, blinking. "So not a personal assistant to the technical director with a desk right next to mine?"

"That I'll have your tail on my butt all the time? I don't think so, Mr. Wywern. Besides, you said LeXa ltd has chronically changing and overworked accountants."

"Well- if you work as an accountant, no one on this planet will accuse us of favoring nepotism even if I bang you right on my desk. Most people consider accounting a terrible punishment and would think it's a sick S&M game between us." Lexington's cell phone made a buzzing noise and with a dissatisfied sigh, he pulled out his phone.

He looked at the screen and put it away again. "Nashville's going to take off if we don't get our tails back to work. Yet it's so nice here right now," he grumbled defiantly into the darkness of my wing cocoon. "I'm going to miss your wings," he admitted quietly and I stroked his head, glad that he wasn't looking at me right now but had his ear to my chest, making me wish I wasn't wearing a tightly woven vest. I didn't want to say that I would also miss my wings terribly because that would only have given him a hope that I couldn't even let arise but instead said;

"I'm going to get myself a whole dozen soft, cozy ponchos to wear, with sleeves so fluttery I can flap the fabric around you. How would you like to get one of those web-wing hugs from me?"

"Oh, that sounds ... stimulating," he said, raising his head with a grin. "Are you ever going to wear just one of those promised ponchos, Mr. Sharif? Just that?"

I grinned back. "If you're very good, Mr. Wywern, I will."

Another impatient buzz - now from MY cell phone, which he had got for me (and in which I hadn't inserted my old chip even after three months). I could tell it was Nashville just by the demanding sound of the buzzing. Because the sound when my dissatisfied, always disappointed mother texted me sounded exactly the same.

I took a deep breath.

"Lex?"

"Yes?"

"Why... are summer nights so difficult for Nash? What did Brooklyn mean by that?"

Lex cleared his throat - he was clearly uncomfortable talking about it.

"He ... doesn't have good memories of summer nights. They remind him of experiences he'd rather forget. Of people he would rather forget."

"Did he ... talk to Doctor Davis about it?"

"Believe me - what he's suffering from - no therapist can help him with that. Even if he would accept help."

"But in the clan they could-"

"No one in the clan can help him either. If he ... talks about it, it only hurts him more. We've tried that. We all just have to ... fill his nights with other things. We have to keep him busy as much as we can. Patrols, learning. Combat training. Games. And sometimes run him over the mouth if he gets too moody. He even responds well to cuddles with us, although he resists with all his might at first because he thinks he's too old for Gargoyle-Puppy Piles."

I laughed softly. "Gargoyle-Puppy Piles? That sounds like something I'd be up for."

"You can join in as a human too. It's good for everyone - mentally. It's often worked well in recent years. But ... things have been getting worse with Nash since 2019 and we're all worried. Don't take it personally if he's bitchy, please Nate."

"I ... is there really nothing I can do?"

"It's not initially because of you. It's not up to me either," Lexington assured me, breaking away from me with a sad smile.

"Anything we would do would make it worse. Remember when I removed from your entire apartment, the things I thought you might hurt yourself with? ... It wasn't the first time I'd done something like that. And the castle is MUCH bigger than your apartment."

"Oh, Lex," I whispered. I hadn't known that real gargoyles (born gargoyles) could get depressed the way humans do. Why, when they had a loving clan?

"But ... Nashville has claws. He could have just..." I didn't have to finish the sentence.

"We bandaged his hands on the worst nights. We had to feed him and dress him like a newborn. Please ... don't treat him any differently. Think about how you felt when everyone around you was walking on broken glass." I nodded eagerly. I knew how it felt. It hurt. It didn't make anything better and it didn't give the ill person any strength just because he unwillingly drained all the energy from his surroundings. And I knew how painful it was when the relatives' fear and worry slowly gave way to frustrated powerlessness and an "I don't care" attitude. Even though I didn't think this would happen in Nashville's family. At that point ... it was probably really good to involve the person concerned in many activities, even if he didn't feel like it.

Lexington sighed heavily and his face was pained at the next words."You came to us in the winter. That was his good season. The closer we get to summer, the more he will withdraw. In June or August we will try to be with him every waking hour - but it is difficult. Every year it gets stronger. And every year it starts earlier. For a long time we managed to distract him from his melancholy by sending him on student exchanges. But after the 2019 thing, we're no longer allowed to participate."

"Because Nashville burned down Notre Dame?" I asked, whispering as if we could be bugged. The thought that one of his cigarettes was responsible for the fire and the almost complete destruction of this French national treasure (and he still smoked when he was sure he could get rid of the stench before any of the other adults got wind of it) was terrifying.

"Yes - that's the reason - mostly."

"But what were his experiences that bothered him so much?"

"It's ... old traumas. Just like all of us have old traumas. And with him ... it's something particularly sensitive. Even Gargoyles have a hard time understanding it," my friend said, stepping to the edge of the roof-apparently to check the airflow and look at his phone to type a message to Nash. I nodded without him seeing.

Yes - I shouldn't stick my nose into gargoyle or clan business like that. I wasn't like the others. And I soon wouldn't be a Gargoyle anymore, and I probably wasn't capable of understanding what was bothering Nash - even if my beloved had put it nicer. And even now ... I wasn't a real gargoyle. What kind of gargoyle could stand ablaze and control fire and even wind to a limited extent? I was ... not real. I was unnatural. All the more reason to turn myself back into a human as soon as possible.

Thanks for reading, Q.T.