The next morning, Leah awoke still in wolf form. She was so pleased with how Bella was comfortable with her, but she wasn't sure how Bella would feel waking up with the wolf. She decided to be bold and lick Bella's face.
Bella giggled. "Morning Wolf-Leah," she said.
Leah slowly edged away from her and got off the bed. She shifted back to human and got back into bed, grabbing Bella into a firm hug. She had so much affection for this girl who held on to her wolf's fur all night long.
"Thank you, baby, that was so wonderful."
"I liked it a lot, too. It was different than with human you, still soft and warm, and I still felt like we were communicating with our bodies, just differently, ya know?"
"Yeah, so you'll be willing to do that again sometimes?"
"Absolutely. Not every night because I need you like this." Bella kissed Leah, opening her mouth and letting their tongues embrace after the long night apart.
"Mmmmm." Leah agreed, not letting go of her lips.
Leah drove Bella to La Push, to the library. They had each packed a lunch of sandwiches, a little bag of chips, an apple and a water. Bella was in the middle seat in the truck, clutching Leah's middle.
"When we get a new car, there won't be a middle seat, will there?" Bella asked.
"No, baby, we'll just have to hold hands during our drives."
"Ok," Bella said sadly.
"I know how you feel, baby. This is my favorite part of every drive."
They got to the library at 8:55. They knocked on the door and Old Quil let them in. "Isabella, Leah, come in."
"I'm just dropping her off," she gave Bella a quick kiss, then she was jogging back to the truck.
Old Quil walked Bella inside. "Bella, each day here is eight hours. The way I see it, there are three main tasks for you at this point. 1) You need to learn the Quileute language. 2) You need to read and understand all of the texts in the pack room so that you can help guide others through them. 3) You need to work as a librarian. So, with eight hours in a day, I'd like you to spend two hours on each task, then the remaining time on whichever of those three you think is the most pressing or desirable that day. Make sense?"
Bella nodded.
"Ok, let's dive right into learning Quileute. Now, you don't have to learn how to speak or hear it for this position, just read and translate it. However, speaking and hearing it will be beneficial for your role in the community, so I'm going to teach you it all eventually."
Old Quil walked Bella into the children's section of the library. "This shelf has children's books on learning Quileute. This shelf is the complete course to learn Quileute. What I would recommend is going through the course work, then when you need a break, browse the children's books. When you've learned the basics of the structure and sounds, we will work together. I'd like you to do this until 11:00, then we'll switch tasks."
"For now, this will be an independent study. You'll be doing a lot of rote memorization early on and you don't need me for that. As your Quiletute gets more advanced, we will do translation work together and eventually converse in Quileute."
Bella started with the Quileute course and made it about half an hour before her brain needed a change. So she thumbed through children's books with Quileute words next to large colorful pictures. The change of pace helped.
At 10:00, the bell attached to the door rang indicating a visitor. Jared and Kim walked in. Kim waved to Bella on the way to talk to Old Quil. "Jared, Kim, welcome, can I show you the pack room?"
Old Quil brought them out of ear shot and sat with them for a full hour while Bella kept trudging through the coursebook, learning the basics of the alphabet, grammar and some new vocabulary words to practice with. She had grabbed a pen and paper to try the exercises at the end of each lesson. She checked her work against the answers in the back of the book and truly felt like she was making progress. Then Kim sat at the table with her.
"Hey there, whore, whatcha doin'?" Kim asked.
"I'm learning Quileute."
"Oh… I had to do that when I was in, like, fifth grade. I didn't learn much. I bet you'll know more than me in a week or two."
"Maybe. Leah doesn't seem to know much, either."
"Huh. That surprises me. I thought those families spent more time teaching their kids Quileute. I think Jared knows more than me."
"Knows more what than you, baby?" Jared asked, jogging in to see what they were doing. "You generally know more than me about everything."
"You know more Quileute."
"Yeah, only because of my family."
"So Leah knows a lot too?" Bella asked.
"She knows more than me, I'm sure." Jared confirmed.
"But she only knew a little of Old Quil's blessing." Bella protested.
"Those blessings are ancient. If she knows a few words of ancient Quileute, she's probably pretty fluent in modern Quileute." Jared explained.
"Oh," Bella felt pretty humbled then.
Old Quil popped in, "She is the perfect mate for you, Isabella, and will be a great partner for you to speak Quileute to. We will be able to speak Quileute a little here in the library, but you two can practice it for years together, mastering it as few do. You two are truly blessed to have each other."
"Yeah." Bella agreed, feeling a little melancholy. There was still so much about Leah that was a mystery to her.
"Well, we're going to get out of your hair, Bella, and let you get back to work."
"Thanks for coming. I'll tell Leah you stopped by."
Shortly after they left, Old Quil started her on the next task. "Now, on to library business. I knwo you're looking forward to youth outreach but I'd rather you got settled into the position before we start that, ok?" Bella nodded.
Old Quil went on, "We've been working with the Dewey decimal system for a long time, and that works well for this library. However, we need to modernize at least a little. A few times a year, some kid will wander in and shuffle the cards here. It takes me days to get them sorted again. I'd love to have the whole thing digitized. Now, I've got the software and the computer."
Old Quil looked a little embarrassed. "This was the task that I was annoying Young Quil to do. So I was thinking you could do two hours of this every day, just inputting the cards from these drawers into the software. Then we'll have to put in all the member data into the software as well before it can be used. So it will probably take a few months. What do you think? Is this too menial?"
"No! This is wonderful! And I'll get to familiarize myself with the titles in the catalog. This is a great way to start with my library duties. Can you show me the software and I'll get started."
There was a computer set up in the small office with the photocopier. Bella brought a drawer of cards in with her. She used a bookmark to keep track of where she was with the cards. She got a chunk done when she heard the front door's jingling bell.
Jake and Seth were walking in, shooting the shit. She ducked her head out of the small room and smiled at Seth, "Hi Seth, Jake," she greeted.
Just then, Old Quil walked out of the pack room. "Isabella, why don't you go have lunch with Seth. Jake, I'll see you in the pack room, right this way." Old Quil shut the door behind himself and Jake.
Seth shrugged, and beckoned Bella to follow him. She grabbed her lunch sack and they went to the picnic table. Seth had his own lunch cooler out there. He had a bunch of food.
"I've been practicing cooking." Seth announced.
"Oh yeah?" Bella was so proud of him.
"Yeah, my dad was the best cook in the family. My mom worked a lot, so she wasn't around for dinner usually. Leah did her best but she mostly made food from a box, mac and cheese or pasta with jarred sauce. I want more. I decided it's time for me to man up and learn how to cook." Seth announced.
"Like Paul?" Bella suggested.
"Yeah, actually, he's kind of my role model."
"Well, he's a good pick."
"I think so too. So I made you some things for lunch, Bella. I made chocolate chip cookies because I know that they're your favorite and I brought paninis because I figured if Leah could do them, I could too."
"That's the spirit! But you didn't have to do that at all. I brought my own lunch." Bella pulled out her unimpressive lunch.
"Fine, I'll trade you the sandwich and chips for a panini and some cookies." Set offered.
"Deal!" Bella happily agreed. "This is amazing!" Bella said, biting down into her still warm panini. "How is it still warm?"
"I made a deal with Jared. If he could come this morning, I'd go home and make the paninis so they'd be fresh for your lunch."
"You two are cunning." Bella said, "Not that I'm complaining. I'm so glad that you're my new brother." Seth's face was radiant with the complement. "So tell me, Seth, did you and Leah learn Quileute as children?"
"Sure, we still had lessons with our dad up until he passed. We did a few hours each weekend when he wasn't fishing. So Leah's is better than mine by several years. Why?"
"She's so reserved, Seth. Like most of the time, I feel like I know her, truly know her with the depth of my soul, and then I'll learn something about her that is huge and kind of shocking and she's just never mentioned it."
"That's Leah, though. She doesn't know what's important to you and she probably feels that she has shared all of the important stuff. What has she told you about dad?"
"Not much at all, mostly guilt about his death, and a little bit about his work."
"Oh," Seth said, "that's a huge omission, then. They were very close. I'm the classic momma's boy and she was the quintessential daddy's girl. Very close. It's probably still so sensitive for her. For a long time, he was the only one she cared about, after Sam and everything, and just as she was pulling out of that, he died."
"Oh." Bella had tears on her cheeks.
"Please don't cry, Bella, I don't want her to be mad at me for upsetting you. Please."
"You didn't upset me, Seth. I'm just sad for her. It's not fair, the things she's had to go through."
"Well, the same could be said for you."
Bella scoffed. "No comparison. I still have my dad."
"I don't think she sees it like that now, though. I think she sees herself as blessed beyond measure. You've got to believe that you've made her so happy."
"Yeah, but why doesn't she trust me with this stuff then?" Bella asked, perplexed.
"I know that she trusts you. She just doesn't want to think about things that make her sad, and she doesn't want to make you sad either."
"Yeah… I should get back to work."
"Uh, no, not until Jake comes out. That's what Old Quil told me. Your break lasts as long as Jake is in there."
"Oh." Together they ate cookies and Bella was quietly sad.
o.~*~.o
At work, Leah was feeling a little antsy. She had finished all of the work that had accumulated for her and double checked everything. She ate her lunch early and then looked around to see if any new reports had been filed. None had. Charlie came to check on her.
"Are there any other tasks I should be working on?"
"Naw, did you finish the pile we gave you?"
"Yes, and I double checked all of my work."
"Well, Leah, this is contracted as 20 hours per week, but if you finish all of your work, I can be flexible and let you go early. I care more about the work getting done than the hours in the chair. If there are problems with the work, I'll need you to stay the full 20 hours, but I don't want to punish you for a job well done, ya know?"
Leah was astonished. "So I'll still get paid for the full 20 hours as long as I stay on top of everything?"
"Yeah, you shouldn't be punished just because the other girls were slower than you. You worked through that backlog like a pro and I haven't found any errors with your work. Just make sure the quality stays high, ok?"
"Ok, thank you, Charlie." Leah was in disbelief. She didn't think this kind of boss existed in the world. "I'll be back on Wednesday to get through whatever you've piled up for me."
"All right, Leah, and I'll see you at home before then, right?"
"Yes, tomorrow night."
Leah went to the store to get cleaning supplies: a vacuum, a broom and dustpan, a bucket and mop, all purpose cleaner, window cleaner, floor cleaner, dish soap, microfiber rags, paper towels, and sponges. She got into the truck and headed back to La Push. She was looking forward to getting a headstart on cleaning the apartment.
Suddenly, Leah felt a deep sadness in the pit of her stomach. She did not know where it came from or why she was feeling it right then. Bella. Bella was sad, she realized. She looked at the clock. It was half past noon. Jacob Black was coming to the library at noon. What was he saying to her? She made the truck go as fast as it could, which wasn't very fast. She was tempted to park it and run but she didn't know if that would even save time since she'd have to go the long way through the woods.
She saw the library as she entered downtown La Push. Seth was coming around the side of the building, then Bella came out beside him. Leah parked and ran to her. She scooped Bella up. Bella wrapped her legs around Leah in a tight embrace.
"Bella, baby, you were so sad."
Bella was kissing her face, her eyes, her cheeks, her lips. "Leah, Leah, I'm sorry, I didn't mean for you to leave work because I was sad. I was just talking about… well, it doesn't matter right now."
"No baby, I didn't leave early because you were sad." Leah said, also kissing Bella's face all over. "I finished my work so Charlie let me go early and then you were sad so I came as fast as I could. Was it Jacob? Did he say anything to you?"
"No, baby, it wasn't Jacob, I didn't talk to him at all. I was asking Seth about what Quileute you knew and we started talking about your dad and I was sad for you, but don't be mad at Seth. I made him tell me about it."
"Oh honey, you were so sad. You were that sad for me, for my dad? I don't want you to be sad, especially not for me."
"But that's life, that's partnership," Bella started to slow down and her speech, her kisses, were getting less frantic now, "we've got to share our joys and our sorrows, baby." Bella pulled back and looked her in the eye. "I need to know everything about you, even your darkness."
"Ok, Bella, maybe it's time to start to share our darkness tonight." Leah kissed her mouth. "Why do you taste like cookies?"
"Seth made cookies! And paninis! I traded my sandwich and chips for a panini and cookies."
"I made you that sandwich, baby," Leah protested.
"And it was delicious." Seth declared. "Want a panini and some cookies?"
"Yes," so the three sat down and shared Seth's food until Jake came out of the library almost an hour after he went in.
"You don't have to stick around, Seth, unless you want to help me clean the apartment."
"I was actually going to go and figure out what to make for supper from what's in the kitchen."
"Put stuff on the list if you need it, Seth."
"Will do." Seth agreed. "I can help you bring stuff up, though. I'd like to take a look around."
"Yeah, ok."
o.~*~.o
"Isabella," Old Quil started as she entered the library. "I've invited Jacob back for noon tomorrow. I hope you don't mind such a long lunch break. It is a paid break. He just needs a lot of one-on-one attention."
"I understand."
"And if it rains while he's here, you can go upstairs and have lunch there. Your guard dog can hang out there if it rains this week as well."
"Thank you," Bella smiled, "Everything go okay with Jacob?"
"Yeah, progress is slow and steady, so I expect I'll need him back quite a bit. So, back to work. I'd like you to keep working on the software until two. Then two hours of reading from the pack room. Then the final hour can be your choice."
"Ok, Quil, I have a question."
"Ask me anything."
"Where do you get the ingredients for your mom's recipe? The grocery store has a limited selection."
"Oh, well, hunting is best, but other than that," Quil wrote down a name on a sticky note. "There is this gas station just to the north of Forks. It's an old gas station, small grocery store, and butcher combination. Sometimes there is offal in the freezer, but not always the stuff you want. But you can just talk to the butcher, George. He'll like you. Just tell him what you need. He'll have it pretty fresh. But if there is not a market for certain items, he doesn't bother packaging it and shelving it. He'll package it for you, though, and it's cheap. He has to throw away a lot since there is not a huge demand for offal, so he'll like you, like I said."
"Thank you! I'll pass this on to the rest of the pack, too." Bella returned to the office to work on the software. She already knew she'd spend her last hour working on the software again. She liked seeing the visual progress as her bookmark moved through the drawer of the dewey decimal cards.
o.~*~.o
"This place is great!" Seth said, plopping down on the couch. A huge dust cloud rose up. "Sorry," he said, coughing.
"It's fine, but you owe me supper now. I won't be able to clean these rooms until the dust settles."
"Hey, I was going to make you supper anyway!" When Seth saw the smaller, second bedroom, he suggested, "you could adopt me!"
Leah pulled him into a hug. "Mom needs you, but we want you to come over all the time, okay? Bella never had any siblings so you're very important to her."
"I plan on it, especially once you've got the xbox set up." Seth grinned. "In all seriousness, as your brother and your pack mate, I'll do anything for you, just let me know, ok?"
"Thanks, kid." Leah pulled him in for a second hug.
Leah started cleaning by sweeping the ceilings, then she worked her way down the walls, room by room. She didn't want to mop yet because she knew she'd just stir up more dust. She did look under the couch covers. The couch and loveseat were a 70's brown pattern. The couches themselves were in decent enough shape and comfortable. She'd look into couch covers that would fit.
At 4:45, Leah went downstairs to wait for Bella. She sat in the children's section and looked over the Quileute books. Bella must be learning Quileute if she was asking Seth about it, she guessed.
"Leah, are you ready?" Bella asked.
"Yeah, baby, I'm always ready for you." Bella smiled, but Leah knew that she was still sad, just not as sad as before.
When they got back to the Clearwater's. Seth had made homemade garlic bread, with freshly baked bread. He made a tomato and meat sauce with sausage and mince. He made spaghetti and salad.
"Wow, you really outdid yourself today." Leah said to her baby brother. "You made all of this?"
"I'm going to miss you guys!" Seth declared.
"No you're not, brother. You're going to come to our place all the time, you hear? We're going to be right down the street and you will not miss us, ok?"
"Ok," Seth says, but he knew he would miss Leah.
Seth and Bella were both sad but for different reasons. Leah felt so torn. She didn't know who to comfort. After dinner, Leah and Bella started cleaning up, then Bella told Seth, "Seth, pick out a board game for the three of us to play."
"Really?" Seth looked so excited.
"Really?" Leah was in disbelief. She was sure that Bella had some serious stuff to talk about.
"Really." Bella answered.
"Catan!" Seth announced.
So they spent two hours hanging out with Seth, reassuring him that he would still be a big part of their lives. Bella knew how important this was to Leah, even if Leah didn't want to admit it. When the game was over, they all picked up and Bella yawned.
"I need to be up early for work tomorrow. So we should get to bed." She declared.
"Yeah, goodnight girls, thanks for hanging out."
Leah again pulled Seth into a hug. "We'll see you all the time!"
When Leah shut the door, she was surprised to see Bella stripping naked and climbing into bed. She followed suit, silently. They lay in bed facing each other.
"So, how's your Quileute?" Bella started.
"My Quileute? A little rusty, but pretty good."
"Hmmm, and why don't you ever tell me about your dad?"
"I guess because, I feel like, well, you knew him. You knew him pretty well. I guess I just figured you knew all about him."
"I didn't know that he taught you Quileute and I didn't know that you were a daddy's girl."
"No, I guess you wouldn't know those things." Leah's eyes were watering. "I just, I don't know how to talk about him." She paused, thinking slowly between each sentence. "He was a lot like Seth, funny and good and thoughtful and full of love. It felt like he was the only one who loved me no matter how bitchy I was. And then when he died, I maxed out my bitchiness and he wasn't here for me. I felt like no one was. And I just didn't want to be alive anymore. And all of the memories of my dad are now tied to his death and those memories are tied to my suicidal fantasies and I just didn't want to put all of that on you." Leah was actually crying now, but Bella found her vulnerability so beautiful. "I mean you got so sad to learn that my dad taught me Quileute. This all is just too much."
Bella was softly crying too. "Leah, I need to know all of this, even if it makes me sad."
"Why?"
"Because it's you and I need to know you. We're soul mates. You can't hide things to protect me. You've gotta trust me with your sadness. Trust the spirits that they choose right for you, that I am strong enough to handle this, ok? I did know Harry, but not the same Harry that you knew. I want to know everything."
So Leah shared her memories. She told Bella about Harry walking her to school while pushing Seth in a stroller. She talked about going to the library with him, the park, going fishing, learning to gut a fish. She told Bella how Harry jump scared her friends at her first sleepover and how he threatened Sam when Sam took her on her first date. She told Bella about Sunday mornings with pancakes, waffles, muffins, French toast, popovers, scones and fresh bagels.
Leah told Bella about the look on Harry's face when Leah phased, a look of horror and heartbreak mangled with pain. She told about how Seth came out when he heard Sue screaming and how he phased instantly when he saw Harry lifeless on the floor. Then she told about the waves of emotion from Seth in the pack mind, fear of Leah, rage that she had killed his dad, not recognizing that she was his sister at all but thinking somehow a wolf had wandered into the house. She told about how her mom was trying to revive Harry while on the phone with Sam, how her mom couldn't even call 911 until Sam had gotten her and Seth out of the house. Finally, she told Bella how much she missed Harry every day, and how much she loves seeing Charlie and Billy because they feel like an echo of her father.
They were both crying, their sadness reverberating off of each other creating a sadness spiral.
Leah switched tracks, "While we are despairing, tell me about when you were suicidal, when you jumped off a cliff.
"It wasn't as serious as yours, except that I was doing dangerous things. I didn't really want to die."
Leah listened patiently as Bella told about the depression after Edward, about the scary guys on bikes in Port Angeles, about fixing bikes with Jake so she could drive something unsafe, about Laurant's attack when she was alone in the meadow, and about cliff diving alone, almost drowning but Jake got there in time… all to see glimpses of Edward in her mind.
"Bella."
"I told you it wasn't the same."
"Bella."
"I know, it was stupid."
"Bella."
"I'm sorry, ok, I'm sorry that I was so reckless with your happiness."
"Bella, this is why I don't feel like I can trust you with your safety. Because you never put yourself first. In fact you put yourself last, over and over. It scares me so much because you're everything to me. Everything! You know the marked imprint deaths go both ways, right? If you die, I die. So even if you don't care about yourself, maybe care on my behalf, and on behalf of the pack who finally has their alpha."
Leah was mad, but also tears were flowing freely again.
"I can do that, Leah, I swear." Leah was searching all over her face, trying to figure out if she could trust Bella to be safe. "I'm sorry."
"Please don't protest when I station guard dogs around you."
"But I'm not that same person now. I do care about my life and yours, so much."
"But you still centered yourself during the battle with Victoria and you got hurt. Why weren't you wearing your seatbelt?"
"So that I could jump out quickly in case you were injured!"
"That's exactly what I mean! Your safety was at the bottom of the list for you. Maybe you need time with Old Quil to work through this."
"He's not a therapist." Bella snarked.
"Well, he kind of is. He's the pack sage. Talk to him, please."
"I will, baby. How do I fix this, between us?"
"I'm not mad at you, Bella. I'm just mad. Okay?"
Bella nodded.
Leah pulled Bella to her, roughly. They had rough, angry sex for the first time ever and they both needed it, to feel the full range of each other's emotions while connecting, not just bliss. Then they had angry sex for the second time, and third, until eventually their anger subsided and they were clinging to each other in bed, trying to maximize their skin contact to show the fullness of their love for one another.