To address my fellow ADHD sufferers, I do apologize if the story seems all over the place. It's not intentional, and I just ask you to consider rereading through chapters if you feel lost. Trust me, it's what I do and I wrote the fucking thing.
To the readers that despise Prince Sergeius…fucking GOOD. I didn't write him to be loved, guys. He is an entitled, rich, maniac.
ghust95, dear Christ. You magnificent basztitch. Have a cyber cookie. Sergius was in fact based on Kraven the Hunter. Wish I'd gone with Skulker though. Fuck that'd be so much better. Maybe next time.
I'm so sorry everyone but, Bruce is NOT from Finding Nemo. That Bruce is vegetarian, this Bruce is not. They share the same namesake.
Sorry iloveM.A.D.B., no cookie this time. Also - holy shit. The paragraphs…Read the PM in the app if you can. If not, I'll send you a note through the site.
Disclaimer: Bonesboy15 doesn't own Helluva Boss or Naruto. The following is a written work of fan-fiction. It contains adult language and situations. Reader discretion is advised.
One Knuckleheaded Glutton
Smooth
"Someone tried to do what?" The Champion narrowed his eyes at the informant on the other end of the call. A low tier analyst at one of Greed's news stations. One of his supposed offspring, so they claimed.
"Reports are still coming in, but there was a busted Carmine-Crafter rifle found at the scene. The footage shows, um, The Duke taking a hit. A good portion of his ear was lost." They pressed a button in their end and their call screen shrank to play an angle of CCTV footage. The Duke and his bitch argued on the sidewalk, then the Duke whipped away and people screamed. He clutched his ear and pulled his bitch with him, leaving a splattered chunk of flesh on the ground as he did.
"Find out who did this." He snorted and slammed his fist onto the arm of his throne. "Who thought they could damage my Duke? I want a name. I want a body."
"Y-yes, grandfather–"
"That's Champion to you, Calf."
"Y-Yes Champion." The call ended as he swiped his hand across the air. He glared down at the servant servicing him.
"That is not distracting enough, Zabuza." He grabbed the Oni's head and shoved him down. Strangled grunts echoed up into his ears, and then came the wet schlop-schlop-schlop as he assisted the servant. It wasn't enough. He rose from his throne and began to thrust. "Fucking motherfucker! They damaged my Duke, my prize! They best hope I do not learn their name...Nng, swallow my essence, Lzebub. Take me...Inside you!"
He held the Oni flush to his groin before he started to thrust again. The end of the week could not come fast enough!
One of the priority lifts to Envy was down for maintenance, because of fucking course it was, and the next one wasn't for two fucking hours. They had to keep their heads down, and they couldn't get back into Greed so soon after the phone theft - it was already on the fucking news; no suspects yet, and word on the shooting was surprisingly quiet. Weird, you'd fucking think a House Demon being attacked in another Ring would make the news - so they ducked into a small in-station bar that wasn't too crowded. A small band in the corner played a light jazz fusion tune.
A small corner booth that was half-bussed is what they decided on sitting at, she made sure to have him sit on the inside and used him as a cushion to lean against.
They sat in silence, him likely unsure what to say while she proceeded to enjoy his continued silent presence. The longer he was quiet, the more time she had to calm down and sort through her metaphorical shit. She loved him, that much she understood, or at least accepted. Did he feel the same way?
She really wanted to think he did, but he didn't even consider telling her when he went to not get shot, and still 'get shot'. Just bang, and he had a fucking hole in his chest! He took things too lightly, he could have fucking died–!
"Well," he said, breaking her train of thought. "Today was fun."
"Shut up." Loona grumbled. She wasn't in the mood for his stupid jokes.
"Would saying I'm sorry help at all?"
She pursed her lips. Would it help? If he meant it, truly meant it and wasn't just saying it. Maybe. If it was just to get her to stop being a bitch, then he had a whole fucking mountain to climb.
"It won't fucking hurt."
"...I'm sorry." He muttered into her ear. One of his arms slipped around her side and she let him pull her into a hug. His cool nose pressed to her head, and his lips pressed against it after. "I'm sorry, Loon. I just...I had an idea."
Well, he was on the right track up until that point.
"An idea." She huffed and closed her eyes. She grit her teeth and growled. She wanted to yell at him for how stupid it was, but yelling right now was not going to help and she was so fucking sick of yelling. They'd been back together for not even two days and they'd had three fucking arguments already. Shit, they still had to finish one of them, but this was more important. "Naruto...I saw you fucking die."
"But I–"
"I. Saw. You. Die." She cracked an eye open to glare at him and he went quiet. She huffed, leaned forward out of his embrace on the table with crossed arms and closed her eyes again. "It wasn't - I know you didn't fucking actually die, but I can't forget that. I have to live with that. I have to live with the fucking memory of you dead in front of me. Not you."
"...I...Loon, I'm...I don't know what you want me to say." His arm fell away and it felt like an ocean suddenly sprouted between them. She was alone again, despite him being right there, despite his scent mingled with hers so close.
"Figure it out." She felt her eyes burn, but refused to let the tears fall. Not here. She wouldn't. Can't. "A relationship is like teamwork: there needs to be communication. Your words, Naruto, not mine."
He remained quiet and Loona couldn't take it.
"I've gotta hit the can. Don't go anywhere." She growled before she slid out of the booth and stormed to the restroom. She wiped at her eyes as she pushed through the drunks and tipsy assholes alike. It wasn't until she was safe in the sanctuary of a fucking bathroom stall that she let the tears fall.
Fuck me for falling in love with that stupid bastard. She thought as she sat on the fucking toilet. She whined and wrapped her arms around herself and pulled her legs up onto the seat with her. Her tail wound around her feet and her face buried in her knees. Her shoulders trembled as she saw that damn sight over and over again.
CRACK – Naruto dropped, a hole in his chest.
CRACK – Naruto dropped, a hole in his chest.
CRACK – Naruto dropped, a hole in his chest.
"Just fucking stop, fuck." Loona whimpered. A bang on the door made her jump.
"C'mon, bitch, if you're not using it for anything other than a drunk cry, then get the fuck out! Some of us gotta shit!"
"Fuck off and die of dysentery, you washed up skank!" She snarled. A hypocritically outraged gasp came from the – red legs into hooved shoes – Imp on the other side before she ran off. The Hellhound huffed and buried her face in her knees again.
CRACK – Naruto dropped, a hole in his chest.
"Goddammit." She whined and squeezed her eyes shut. He's fine. He's waiting for her at the booth. He's alive. She grit her teeth and brushed the wet tracks from her muzzle as she growled. "He's just a fucking idiot."
"Pfft, ain't they all?" The bitch in the stall beside her scoffed. The band stopped playing outside and customers grumbled. A lit doobie popped down by the stall, a bright golden band with Mammon's seal emblazoned on it around the smoker's wrist marked the occupant as a Sinner. "Wanna puff? It'll ease the stress!"
"...Fuck, whatever." Loona took the blunt in her claws and inhaled – fuck, that's awful! She coughed and retched, but managed proper etiquette to hand it back as the Sinner on the other end cackled.
"Oh, foist toime with Mimzy-juana? I'd thought this stuff would spread further through the rings by now!" The Sinner huffed and audibly took a drag.
"The fuck is ...is that shit?!" Loona gagged. She stepped off of the toilet and whirled around to puke the nasty taste in. Ugh! It's so disgusting! And now her makeup was definitely ruined. Fuck.
"Whaddya talkin' about? It's Mimzy-juana! A pinch of the good kush, wrapped within a delicious healthy serving of my minge!"
Oh, well. That explained a whole fucking lot. At least she wasn't crying anymore.
"So, boy trouble got you down, huh?"
"It's none of – fuck, that's so gross – none of your fucking business." Loona gagged and whimpered. Great, now she was curled up on the floor by a fucking bar's toilet and she wasn't even drunk. She could be curled up by her boyfriend right now, her living, breathing, stupid ass boyfriend.
"Right, so you ran in here to get away from Belez' shitty take on good music?" The Sinner chuckled. "Try again, doll."
"It's none of your fucking business." Loona growled before it tapered into a whimper.
"Foine, be a bitch. Ya try an' help another girl out and this is the thanks you get, Mims. Shit, my fifteen's almost up. You want another hit of this bad boy, or should I enjoy it myself?"
"Fuck no! Your shit is awful." Loona growled as she got back to her feet and stumbled out of the stall. She whined and hugged herself as she left the women's restroom.
The Sinner called after her as she left: "Ah, you don't know what you're missin'!"
Yeah, because Loona was all about being rushed to Sloth to get her stomach pumped after huffing on some Sinner's rank, unwashed, hemp-infected pubic hair. She coughed again and peered through the crowd – perfect, he was still there, sitting in the booth. Alone, his gaze forward and locked on nothing in particular, one arm draped across the back of the booth with his hand hidden behind it and the other in front of him–Was that a bottle of Beelzejuice in his claws? She subtly licked her lips. When was the last time she had any of that?
She made her way back to the booth and sat beside him again. As she scooted back in to lean on him again, he lifted his arm from the booth - was he rejecting her plans to keep close? To lean on him? - and revealed a second bottle he'd hidden from view. It was offered to her and she took it. A mite too eagerly, but anything to get that awful joint taste out of her mouth. His arm moved back to lay along the back of the booth and she leaned against him again.
He brought his bottle up to his lips and took a swig. Three gulps and it dropped by a third of the content. She'd be impressed if she didn't know she could drink him under a counter.
"...If I say something, will you listen?" He asked. Hoo, shit, she had a feeling this was going to get heavy. Although, to be honest, the alcohol kind of tipped her off. She drank some of her own Beelzejuice - wow, strong stuff - before she closed her eyes and hummed.
"Yeah."
"Even if it's about my 'ninja shit'?"
"I guess."
"...I was an orphan–"
"Naruto, fucking-" She'd known he believed this, but it was too coincidental.
"Let me finish." His voice remained steady and, though his breath had a hint of alcohol on it, he sounded serious. Loona rolled her eyes and took a drink from her bottle of Beelzejuice, but let him continue. "On the day I was born, I don't know why, I don't know how, but a giant Nine-Tailed Demon Fox attacked my village. Now this wasn't like the run of the mill Kyūbi no Kitsu-ne we have today. This fucker...it was on par with a fucking titan. It was a walking, talking natural disaster. It leveled mountains and split oceans with a fucking flick of its tail. It killed...It killed a lot of people." He ran his thumb over the lip of the bottle and The Wriggler snapped against the wall as he growled. "Including my parents. And the Hero of the Village: The Fourth Hokage...He gave his life to defeat the Fox."
She furrowed her brow. She'd never gotten this part out of him. She'd gotten basic rundown before - sad orphan backstory, because sure he was, and a few mixed up adventures here or there; how he and his people were betrayed by his best friend that killed him, and how that best friend is some-fucking-how a Fallen Angel now. Honestly, it sounded like a terrible cartoon's plot. Then again, Loona had never really liked cartoons, so she was biased - on what a Hokage was, and what the word meant to her boyfriend. He always went quiet after talking about them. Was this why?
"He sealed the Fox into a baby. Three guesses to who that lucky bastard was." He took another swig. "And you know how fucking awesome humans are whenever tragedy happens. Their hero was dead, people were dead and the Fox was gone. All that remained on a fucking bloody stone was a crying baby."
"Are you saying they blamed you?" She asked. Annoying and stupid Naruto could be, but causing so much death and destruction?
"Got it in one." He huffed, a sardonic smirk on his face as he stared at the bottle in his hand. "Either blamed me for the whole thing or hated me for what I represented. What I reminded them of. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't like they came after me with pitchforks and torches. Most of the time they ignored me." His grip tightened on the bottle. "But I fucking hated that more than anything. I wanted them to know what I fucking felt. How fucking lonely it was to be seen as nothing more than a waste of space and ushered away from others, given rumors and told I was always going to be worthless."
...Okay, either he's a fucking phenomenal actor or maybe he was an orphan in a past life. Because that? Loona got that. Loona had felt that. So many fucking times...And then Blitzø came along.
"Then, I don't remember how exactly, I got the brilliant idea into my head that if I was the next Hokage, they'd have to notice me. They'd have to fucking recognize me." He took another drink and nearly emptied the bottle. "But I wasn't just going to be the next Hokage. I was going to be the strongest and the greatest. No one would forget Uz-Naruto." Um, what was that name he skipped over? She opened her mouth and caught the look in his eye. Maybe best to just drop that part. "No one would ignore me, ever again."
"Wait...You decided to get back at the people that ignored you, that abused you by inaction, by becoming their political leader?" Loona snorted as she glanced up at him. His now pink ears folded back - the left one was nearly back to full length - and he didn't meet her eyes. "One they'd write about in history books?"
"Look, I was like four when I came up with it. I didn't say it was a great plan. ...Sides, a year later my fallback was to become the ultimate prankster ninja." Despite herself, she huffed a laugh when he grinned. His smile fell and he played with his bottle. "And the reason I'm telling you this, Loon, even if you don't believe me–" He called her out with a look and well what the fuck did he expect? It was hard enough to accept she was dating a fucking Duke of Hell; him being some reincarnated ninja was a little harder to swallow. "– is to help you understand why I did what I did. Why I might do it again."
He better fucking not. She turned to growl at him and he caught her off guard with a sudden Boop. Bastard, he was lucky it felt good and the music started to sound nice. His lips teased hers before he pulled back and cupped her face with his free hand. His thumb brushed over her cheek and his stupid pretty blue eyes looked so fucking ... sad? No, wait, they were more...yeah, guilty. Those were guilty eyes.
"I really am sorry that I scared you, Loona." His voice was soft and gentle and so fucking sincere she could practically taste it. "I don't need to taste your Vibes - which is what Bee and I do, for the record - to tell that I did. I'm so sorry you went through that. I don't like scaring people. Startling and surprising for a laugh, sure, but not outright scaring people." And with the story he dropped, that made way more sense. He brought his muzzle down to rub against hers and rumbled. "I tend to act before thinking, it's something I've never managed to improve on...but I'll try to do better at keeping you in the loop next time."
"...Next time?" Loona scowled. And he was so fucking close to getting the apology right, dammit. She didn't want to be mad at him forever. He sighed and pulled back as his hand fell away. She almost wanted to drag him back down.
"Clone memories are processing. Part of why I got Beelzejuice." He topped off his bottle...and then ate it.
Duke of Gluttony. She reminded herself with another swig of her drink. You're in love with and dating the stupid cute idiot that is also the fucking Duke of Gluttony. Who is now making a face like he ate something unpleasant.
"Does it taste bad?" She asked around a snort.
"Meh, I've had better quality bottles. Mammon's just cheap, so we ship him crappy ones and overcharge him for them." He shrugged and leaned back against the leather booth they sat in. "What was I saying?"
"Clone memories were 'processing'."
"Yeah, right." He rubbed his forehead with a finger. "I've got three thousand different memories of the same fifty-ish minutes going through my head. A few met the Fucker that shot at us–"
"He shot you, not at you." Loona corrected him firmly. She was kissing the fuck out of that ear once it was back, she's pretty sure it was the one she liked to nibble on. Then she'd have to take him somewhere to get another piercing put in. "So, you killed him?"
"No. Not even sure if I can yet."
"Not sure–He fucking shot you, Doof!" Loona snarled as she dug a claw into his chest. He winced at the jab and then scowled at her. She scowled back. "Don't make that face at me!"
"He's a fucking noble, Loon." He growled. Her snarl stopped and she felt her tail curl around her legs as her ears folded back. A noble? Fuck, why did things have to be so fucking complicated with this idiot? The idiot in question closed his eyes and huffed. "Brother of a Sin or not, regardless if I can kill him or not, that's a big crime down Here. I know that you know that."
"What about him trying to kill you?"
"Half the fucking Nobility thinks I'm just some Hound that Bee took pity on." Naruto scoffed. He said as if his fucking sister wouldn't kill for him. Loona had seen otherwise: Queen Bee might've claimed it was a joke, but she was certain that Blitzø was going to get permanently eaten that day. She wouldn't write off any future attempts either. "In their eyes, if I bit the dust, no one really gives a shit, but some entitled shitter who's born of a Goetian King? The Rings would be ripped apart looking for the perpetrator."
"Fucking politics...What do we do?"
"We get to Envy and hunker down for the night. Then tomorrow...I dunno," he shrugged, opened his eyes and smiled at her. "We take a walk down one of the beaches."
"Naruto-!" Was he not taking this seriously?!
"Loon, I don't like it either, but the best thing we can do is stay on the defensive." Ugh, she hated that mentality. It was nerve-wracking and irritating and, ugh, just so fucking annoying. Her boyfriend put his hand back on her cheek and brought his nose down to tap hers.
Another Boop, and she was just tipsy enough for her to forget she was mad at him for thirty seconds, she could enjoy it. Enjoy him, them, their euphoria. She climbed onto his lap, straddled his legs, as the Boop continued. She was just lucid enough to remember she was mad at him, so he wouldn't get more than the Boop unless she wanted to.
"If it makes you feel better, I sent Bee a text before I got the drinks," his lips ghosted over hers and sent a spark up her spine. Her tail wagged into the booth and The Wriggler slapped into the wall. Don't kiss him, he hasn't earned it. "If she gives us the go ahead when that sonovabitch shows up again–"
"We can deal with him?" She growled. He growled back and fuck the temptation to kiss him was so strong. His claws kneaded into her hips as her arms wrapped around his neck.
"If Bee gives us the go ahead, you can help me bury him in the fucking dirt." Naruto growled, his half-closed eyes flashed white. Loona hummed at the thought of some well-deserved payback and finally pushed her lips to his.
That sounded like a great way to cement an apology to her.
"Okay. You can do this. It's Bee, she'll listen." Vortex muttered to himself, psyching himself up as he walked toward Verosika's hotel room. He'd spent most of the day working off his irritation and anger in the Hotel Gym, and once he had a clear head, he realized what he had to do. He needed to talk to Bee about what he'd agreed to. To let her...to be okay with...He needed to talk to her. Wallowing in his anger wasn't going to help him any more than just letting it happen would.
He needed to get across how...different this was. It was one thing to wave off a rando hound that caught her eye. Usually she'd find a way to include him in the fun with that. Partner swaps, devil's threesomes, orgies, they'd done a lot together. Bee had never really asked him to sit out on a tryst, and while he had guessed it was coming, actually being asked felt like a punch to the gut. Turning down the potential threesome or one-on-one time with Verosika in turn was probably for the best on his end. He was too hot – figuratively, anyway – and, shit, he got mean when he was hot.
Like, bloodsport levels of mean.
Maybe Bee just wanted a few rough nights like that? …No, she didn't take the role of a sub well. At least, not from him or any of the other partners they'd had. Or she'd had before him.
And now I'm getting fucking horny. Shit. Vortex groaned as he stopped outside the door to the room his boss and girlfriend were in. Focus, just knock and tell her what you need to tell her: I'm not sure I'm okay with letting you have a threesome with your brother and his girlfriend. ...Fuck, I have to phrase that better.
He squared his shoulders and used the card key to open the door. Verosika was lounging on the suite's couch, watching some news on television. Bee was scrolling through something on her phone, an uncharacteristic frown on her face. He'd ask about it in a second.
"Bee, we need to talk."
"I'm a little busy with something-"
"It's important." He frowned. She looked up at him, back at her phone, and then back up at him with a sigh. She flew off of the bed and landed at his side.
"Alright. Five minutes, I'm not kidding, this is important shit." She gestured at her phone and he saw Baby Bro on the top of the screen. He scowled.
"Since when is he more important than us?"
"Excuse me?" Bee arched a brow. She tucked her phone away as she crossed her arms. "What is that supposed to mean?"
"Look, I don't know what happened or what I did wrong," Tex said, he stopped and closed his eyes. "No, I'm certain I didn't do anything wrong. I came here to tell you I'm not okay with you having that threesome-"
"That's it?"
"…We had a fucking fight about it last night," Tex growled. A tiny voice in his head suggested maybe this wasn't the time for it, but he was too hyped up. "I only conceded because I didn't want to fight anymore, now that I'm standing my fucking ground and telling you I'm not okay with it, all you can say is that's it?"
"Babe, I've got serious shit going on-!"
"Are you saying our relationship isn't serious?!"
"No! Fuck-Goddammit, Vortex–!"
"They're playing the vid again, Bee!" Verosika called. Bee growled and rubbed her face. She put her hands together in front of her in an effort to calm down and her eyes snapped open to glare at him.
"Look, I don't know what your beef with Baby Bro is about – frankly, I don't give a shit. If you just don't like him or he just doesn't like you or whatever, fine! At least you both fucking play nice, that's enough for me! And if you really don't want me to fuck him and Pretty Pup? Fucking fine! That tanks, but I'll either fucking get over it or fuck him later down the fucking line," Bee growled as she got spicy. Tex winced at the last bit; lifespan differences was a taboo subject for most Sin partners. Maybe that tiny voice had a point and he was unlucky enough to pick a bad time for this. Two of Bee's arms pointed at the couch. "Right now, I'm too pissed off to fucking deal with your horny, so go sit the fuck down and fucking watch the news with Verosika, and for fuck's sake let her give you a fucking blow job! I'd handle it, but I have to play Queen Bitch with the fucking Goetia because one of those fucking asswipes decided to take a Carmine-Crafted rifle to Greed and fucking shot my Baby Bro!"
Yep, Tex picked a bad fucking time to have this conversation. Fuck his life. He held his hands up and tilted his head to expose his neck. The submission seemed to appease his girl as she huffed and puffed.
"Okay, alright, grand scheme, not important. Let's table the threesome talk for now, then." He placated. Bee huffed in his face a few more times before she shrank and squeezed his ribs with a hug, her face buried in his chest and her ears folded back. He put his arms around her when he felt his shirt start to dampen. His ears flattened, shit he felt like such a heel. "Baby, it's okay. I'm sorry."
"S'not your fault." Bee huffed. She used his shirt to dry her face before she looked up at him again. "I blame Luci, he always lets the entitled fuckers get away with everything because they like to suck his dick."
He didn't know, nor did he want to know, if that was actually the reason behind why the Ars Goetia got away with so much heinous shit. He didn't really care either. His girl was not in a good place, and regardless of their fight, he needed to take her back to that place.
"The little bastard's okay, right?"
"Yeah, he and Pretty Pup are fine. It's just..fuck, this has never happened before. Fuck…Tex, I-I'm sorry about what I said. The span thing." He nodded and she scratched his cheek the way he liked it to be. "And about the threesome thing, Vortex. You know I love you, right?" She frowned at him. "I swear I do. It's just a fuck, that's all it is. I swear that's it, and if I didn't think Baby Bro wouldn't go for a swap or a orgy or–"
"Bee," he cut her off and smiled at her. He cupped her face, kissed her cheek and then her nose. "I love you, too, Baby. We can talk about the threesome after you get this shit sorted out. And I mean talk, no shouting."
"Mm, I dunno. The shouting kind of did it for me."
"Babe, focus on what you need to do."
"Fine." She planted a kiss on his lips and he returned it. When they parted she patted his chest and smirked at him. "For real though, let Verosika give you head. I got to experience it last night, only fair if you get to, too."
"You…uh, you sure?"
"It'll be something for me to diddle to later." Bee shrugged. That was..huh, that was an image that really turned Tex on. She shoved him toward the couch and smacked his ass. "Now get to it, I have a few calls to make and you smell distracting!"
Well, with an order like that. He walked over to a grinning Verosika. He gave her a flat stare.
"Just...Just don't make it weird, boss."
"Oh, Tex." The succubus tittered as her tail swayed and she eyed his crotch with a grin. "You know I promise nothing."
After the elevator to Envy finally arrived, it was another hour-long ride down to the Ring in question. They loaded in close to the back where, throughout the whole ride, Naruto kept his arms around Loona and a constant rumble reverberated through him into her. His tail would periodically wriggle and the urge to pant was high. Why would this be the case, one would wonder? Because she had him pinned against the fucking wall and kept scratching his Spots.
"Thish...thish ish torture!" He grumbled into a whine as her claws caught him on his left Spot.
"No, this is punishment, Doof." Loona cooed, a cruel smirk on her face as she scratched him. He whined again. It really was, and it was of her own design, the clever bitch. She was tired of being mad, had admitted as much to him, and he wasn't happy that she wasn't happy.
Granted, when she suggested she scratch his spot throughout the ride, he expected a consistent scratch, something like Bee would do if she was getting back at him for being extra annoying. No, not Loona; she only had two hands after all. One had to hold her phone so she could take pictures of his face, and the other would scratch. Or wouldn't. It was sporadic and alternating torture – He couldn't even recede into the happy blissful empty mindspace a constant assault would send him to!
The alternative was more time with a pissed-off girlfriend, which, no thanks. Naruto might be stupid, but he wasn't brain dead. So, he suffered the absolute downside to his new biology, just so his girlfriend wouldn't be pissed when they got to the oceanic realm that the Envy Ring was.
"Shnot... a thing." Naruto huffed and hawed as the scratches stopped for a moment. He let his head roll back and rest on the wall. Fuck. This was worse than the time he experimented with edging ejaculation.
Side note: Do NOT try edging with a knot. The knot doesn't like it and will not recede until something is tied. Preferably a tube sock or fleshlight, whichever has more space.
"Of course it is." She was having way too much fun at his expense. The scratches stopped and his muzzle was guided down so she could press her lips into the side of it. "Mwah. You are Doof because –" she dragged the word out as she started to scratch him again. "– You are my doofy orange fuchs with the doofiest widdle shmile."
"Not...doofy!" He whimpered and whined and leaned into her scratches. Shit, this one was going longer than the last one. The elevator had to be near Envy soon, right? Right?! He cracked his eyes open and – Oh, fuck, his girlfriend looked so fucking happy right now. With her half-lidded pretty eyes and little smile and the way her tail wagged into his leg.
Fuck, she was so fucking cute.
Her Vibes have to taste so fucking go–!
Don't! Don't do it. She doesn't want you to do that anymore! You risk extending the torture!
Thank you, survival instincts. You save me yet again. Now, if you'll excuse me, the Spot is being scratched. I must–
"Finally!" Naruto whined as the elevator came to a stop. He slumped over her and – not intentionally, but he wasn't complaining – panted into his girlfriend's covered cleavage. He tightened his arms around her as she stroked his head and kissed the base of his fully healed left ear. "You...are so evil."
"Thank you." She was smirking, he could hear it. Dammit, he wanted to taste her Vibes so fucking bad. A gentle pat on his head had him look up. "Look alive, Doof. We're moving."
"Legs are jello." He brought his head up to nuzzle her chin. "Carry me."
"Fuck that. I'd sooner drop you on your ass."
"So mean." He huffed around a smirk. He righted himself from where he draped over her and let Loona move from her place as his support pillar. She grabbed his wrist before the mob of demons dismounting the elevator got too crazy and pulled him up to walk beside her. He twined their claws and inwardly cheered when it didn't get rejected. They stepped out to the Envy Ring and both immediately recoiled as the smell of an old rotted pier slammed into their noses.
"...I forgot how strong the smell of dead fish is here." Naruto muttered. He gulped and then grimaced – not even Loona's F.B.N. Vibe would overpower this sniffer-destroying ring. They shared a look. He threw a thumb towards the Sloth Ring's elevator. "Skip this place and go to Sloth?"
"Yep." Loona nodded and led him over to the line where they would get their seats reserved. Her tail wagged and he felt a sense of dread wash over him. "Maybe we can get the same seat location. I don't think you've been punished enough."
"You...are vile." He deadpanned at her, which caused her to laugh.
Two Hours Later…
"That ride was not worth its wait." Prince Sergius grumbled as he stepped out of the private elevator and took a sniff. He grinned. "Ah, I love the smell of decay. It means were are on the right track–"
"Uh, Boss?"
"What Bruce?"
"I...First, know that I just got a signal back." Bruce held his phone up. "The message was sent ten minutes ago."
"...It left immediately...and went to Sloth…?" Sergius cupped his chin and rubbed it. "Unless one of them is pregnant – and I don't think either is – it must be trying to hide in the tundra. Humph, little does the Prey know we know it is there already. This is fine. Let us board the next–"
"Last call for Sloth...Last call for Sloth. Maintenance on Sloth will last twenty-four hours."
Sergius looked up as the last lift to Sloth for the next day closed. He pursed his lips and closed his eyes. This was fine, he could deal with this. He could make this work.
"...Boss?"
"Do not. Talk. Or think. Don't even fucking breathe." He took a deep breath. "Okay. Get a hotel. We will give it a sporting head start. Thursday...The Prey dies."
AN: This chapter was brought to you by the Ring Transmission Service's Maintenance Department! Thank your maintenance department, it's the only reason that your office buildings still function as well as they do.
...Yeah, the whole "and money" bit is kind of implied, Steve.
Remember, it's just Fan-Fiction.