Often what allows a person to open his eyes and finally remove the slices of ham from his front are the most unexpected things. It doesn't necessarily have to be positive events or sensations, indeed, very often they are not at all; what is certain, however, is that these are always circumstances that we could never have imagined.

In Sasuke's case, the event capable of making him drop his blinders had been an immense feeling of emptiness, a lack so vast and devastating as to appear almost dense. The gigantic gap of all the years lost in the relationship with his family, especially with Itachi, caused by a long chain of misunderstandings from which he had not been able to free himself. All because of his fiery character and his grit, which yes, still characterized him and would continue to do so for the rest of his life. However, the sides of the personality that in themselves are qualities, he had been able to transform them into defects.

I was so stupid that I didn't even know how to use the gifts mother nature gave me!

Now that he realized that he had created this trap with his own hands, he was making a will to fill this chasm of emptiness that had the new purpose of his life behind it. The only way he managed to do this was by an intense compensation for previous shortcomings, motivated by an intense desire to make up for it, rather like when one overeats following several days of fasting. Sasuke was consumed by the fear that if things aren't done at the right time they can never have the same value, intensity and results that they would have had if they were done when they were supposed to.

After all, a child learns to walk within a year and would never fully learn this ability if he were kept still until the age of ten, he would never achieve optimal results.

Sasuke was firmly convinced of the existence of this sort of time windows in every aspect of life and that the ones he should have used to consolidate the relationship with his older brother were now closed for some time.

As he fell inexorably into the precipice of emptiness that he perceived to have opened in the middle of his chest, Sasuke was reached by all those images that he had passed and repassed in front of every day but being completely blind. Only now were his eyes able to register the extreme thinness of his older brother and that cry of pain that silently arose from him, his eyes having however the impetus of a river that breaks through the dam.

Nii -san, you were only a child at the time, it was a mistake you made to show me how life was to be approached. Know that I learned perfectly what you wanted to teach me that day, now it's time for me to do something for you.

Sasuke had wanted to go away alone with his brother by taking the bus, he didn't know if he could hold up to the looks that Itachi and Shisui would have exchanged going with them in the car. If there was still an understanding between the two, he didn't feel like discovering that he was still the weakest element.

Now should have been his chance, he couldn't forgive himself for not acting again now that he could finally see.

His moment was now, the time had come to give Itachi all the love that he himself had bestowed without ever asking for anything in return. Now Sasuke saw all the sacrifices the eldest had made throughout his life so that he didn't lack for anything. He also had clear the reason for Itachi's apparent estrangement: he was giving him time to understand putting aside himself and his feelings as always.

Sasuke now intended to direct all of his abundant energy into this, to shower his older brother with nothing but the affection he deserved. The emptiness that he felt opening under his feet was immense, so boundless that Sasuke felt his heart beating and moving at random in that space, it was so boundless that it made his head spin making him feel light. But he finally opened his eyes and managed to see.

He had well in mind Itachi's thin and icy hand as he grabbed it to lead him along the road, he saw his resignation in the way he had followed him without offering the slightest resistance and greeting everyone quickly.

By now Sasuke no longer escaped the melancholy that was hidden behind that smile with which his brother answered his, which instead was full of energy and firmness.

He had clearly felt Itachi's protruding side while he had put an arm around his waist walking in that lightness that only nothingness can have anymore.

Oh yes, the vacuum is light.

Sasuke had the impression of hearing distorted sounds, including his own voice as he sat across from his brother on the bus.

"Now let's go home." Sasuke had used a reassuring tone as he leaned forward to grab his brother's hands.

Realizing that Itachi momentarily possessed nothing but the clothes he was wearing, he would give him whatever he needed without forcing him to speak. This thought accentuated even more the sympathetic smile that now adorned his splendid face, now that he was perfect.

He was aware that Itachi would have to clarify in depth with Nagato, but Sasuke would make sure that this could only happen after his Nii-san was certain that their bond would be strong. As if all that empty space never existed.

I created this void. I have made your face so pale and your eyes so hollow, I no one else. I'm both your and myself's worst enemy, forgive me Nii – san.

Despite the bitterness, Sasuke smiled. He knew Itachi needed this, his smiles should erase all those years of pain, as well as the light strokes he made on his hands.

That's why Sasuke kept smiling while he put the keys in the front door and they crossed the threshold together without ceasing to hold hands.

"Welcome back, Nii – san."

Sasuke had always thought that the house had itself been an abyss of emptiness without the jovial greetings, loving looks and smiles of the parents. He had always been convinced that those walls had no more value if there was no one to welcome him while he returned confident and smiling with his school backpack on his shoulder. Itachi, seeing him, always made fun of him because of the protruding drawing line risking demolishing his much loved mother's porcelain figurines with every movement, for this reason Itachi always ran to calm him by embracing him affectionately.

Is your skin always so warm and welcoming, Nii – san?

Sasuke had always thought that nothing made more sense if he could no longer rejoice in smelling dinner while everyone was just waiting for him to come back from the gym with his cheeks flushed and full of life. Now, for the first time, he was able to see that maybe the two of them could be enough to be able to return to those nostalgic memories and fill the void that seemed to reverberate both outside and inside him.

He watched Itachi cross that threshold, his new eyes made him realize how slow he walked and with slightly hunched shoulders. The silence that invaded the house gave Sasuke the opportunity to amplify all the sensations he was perceiving.

"Nii-san?" his tone seemed worried, however he immediately realized that he had spoken mostly for himself, as if it had been a sort of test to understand if this was reality or simply a dream.

"Forgive me Otouto, but I've had quite a busy day. I'd better go and rest."

Sasuke had taken a breath to say at least a part of all those things that had been waiting for years, however he stopped himself aware of the risk of shouting them all at once and incoherently. He let Itachi go watching him as he started up the wide wooden stairs that had witnessed one of the worst days of their lives after the accident. Sasuke thought he heard his uncle's cries again as he dragged Itachi and Shisui down from there bruised and dripping with blood. He followed his brother with his eyes until he disappeared behind the wooden wall that formed the beginning of the small corridor that led to the rooms, Sasuke was enchanted by the major's way of moving, as if he were dancing.

A dancer…

Sasuke sat down on the low dull white sofa on which he had spent most of the lonely evenings of his youth, in the same pose, with his immaculate white socks on and his legs crossed with right over left. Same location as always but infinitely changed.

Usually when he sat there it was to watch some of his favorite combat or war movies, never had he started zapping absolutely meaningless like today. His mind registered nothing but guilt. On that New Year's Eve he had come to know that Itachi hadn't been well since birth but the whole family had decided not to tell him anything in order not to jeopardize their relationship and their activities. Sasuke sighed as he remembered his confession from that night. Since the day of the accident Itachi had tried to cancel himself and his emotions exclusively to avoid involving the minor still in some mistake, in doing so he had further worsened his health. Also for this reason he ended up breaking his shoulder and ending up working who knows where.

It's all my fault, Nii – san, if you had really been forced to do that inhuman job that I've suspected for a long time, I'm nobody to blame you for anything. And you did it all for me.

That Nagato had serious problems had always been evident, however now Sasuke was wondering what could have happened to bring him to do such a gesture, most likely Shisui was aware of it. If he had once again been kept in the dark about everything, it wasn't a betrayal, but the umpteenth gesture of protection from Itachi towards him.

Sasuke felt an infinite tenderness descend throughout his body, it occurred to him that he hadn't given Itachi even something comfortable to rest on.

As he walked up the stairs himself, memories of him flashed before his eyes. Not the ones related to the accident or unpleasant for any other reason, but Itachi's eyes that looked at him with infinite love, the caresses of the mother, the proud compliments of the father when he brought home his school reports. The laughter on Sunday in the villa in the countryside, as if everyone at that moment had been there with him to confirm that he was doing the right thing. Sasuke walked completely silent, his movements so smooth he seemed to fly, just some slight creak of the parquet. He reconsidered at that very moment how much he'd loved that little noise as a baby.

As he had imagined, Itachi had gone into what had been his old room leaving the door ajar, Sasuke knocked softly noting that everything inside was completely silent and dark. Getting no response, he pushed the door softly.

"Nii-san?" he whispered softly.

Once again he sensed a slight concern, patiently pausing to allow his eyes to adjust to the darkness. The first image he glimpsed was of Itachi's clothes neatly folded on the chair that stood by the window of the very simply furnished room. It was as if Itachi had always considered purely aesthetic and decorative elements as distractions, which is why in his room there had always been only the wardrobe, a desk and two bedside tables, all in a rigorously minimal style and in a lighter brown tone than the to the floor. He had never even had anything to listen to music or to relax, these were activities that Itachi had always preferred to do in the living room to share them with the family. He retired to his room only to read or study.

Nii – san, I should have only admired you for that, but I was only able to despise you.

After a few seconds Sasuke began to see the shapes more clearly, his brother was curled up under the covers with his hair almost completely hiding his face.

"Nii-san?" he tried once more.

Itachi seemed to be sleeping motionless and silent, Sasuke slowly approached until he sat on the bed. He stroked his hair uncovering his face, he had loosened it, his red elastic was placed on the bedside table. That gesture, which he had seen his mother do so many times for both of them, Sasuke had avoided all his life so as not to have to face the pain that he inevitably brought with him. Until that evening he had always done without even thinking about it. But now his hands were moving delicately on his brother's silky hair as if all that nothingness that had divided them had never existed.

Itachi had put on one of his old sweatshirts that had been in his very simple wardrobe for ages. Sasuke felt further reprehensible when he remembered how many times he'd felt the desire, overcome with resentment, to throw away any object that had belonged to Itachi.

We've found each other now, I won't let us get lost again.

No, he definitely couldn't lose him and he had a duty to apologize to him. He couldn't talk to him now even though his impetuous instinct was commanding him to shake him awake so he could finally spill the beans. He had decided to caress him for the last time before finally letting him rest enjoying his white but very warm skin, when Itachi began to toss in his sleep.

"Sasuke…" he murmured in anguish.

The smile had suddenly disappeared from the minor's face, during the New Year Itachi had confessed to him how that accursed May day tormented him every time he closed his eyes.

"Don't worry, I'm here, it's all right" Sasuke had grabbed him by the shoulders with delicacy and firmness at the same time.

The tears that unknowingly furrowed Itachi's sunken cheeks turned into two razor-sharp swords that sliced through the heart of his younger brother in one fell swoop. He felt like crying too as he massaged the major's chest to relieve his shortness of breath. Sasuke noticed that he was still wearing the necklace that he had given him for his tenth birthday, although it was only costume jewelry it was probably the most precious jewel Itachi owned.

Sasuke realized that he had always been his first thought and the most important person in his life. He understood for the first time how distressing it must have been to bear the pain of being the cause of the loss of his parents and how hiding it had made the situation even worse. Despite this Itachi had lived for him. Sasuke leaned down to kiss his forehead, gave him a few more strokes until he calmed down.

Our life begins now. I promise you that I will never look back to contemplate the mistakes I've made, but I will focus on the future by fighting with all my strength to make it the way we deserve it.

It was getting dark outside now, it was the first time that an entirely natural event like this had the ability to unleash intense unease in Sasuke. He felt the already immense sensation of emptiness that he had in his chest widening, this made him tremble with what he would have called naively cold until a few days before.
Maybe I've never really been cold in my life, these were feelings I was too proud to listen to so they tried to push their way as best they could.

Sasuke had to admit that being alone in the throes of those shivers scared him, he had never admitted to being intimidated by anything even with himself. However this time it was different, the solution to this unpleasant feeling was itself part of the change that he had decided to undertake. He carefully took off his denim shorts to avoid making too much noise now that Itachi seemed to have a peaceful sleep, to slip under the covers with him. Snuggling next to his warm body had the power to instantly calm his shivering. He embraced at first slowly and then more and more decisively his brother's body reaching the limit that he could afford not to wake him up.

"I'm here, my brother" he whispered placing a kiss on his forehead.

Itachi had emitted a slight moan making the younger one smile with tenderness. Sasuke's thin lips descended gently on Itachi's long closed lashes, brushed both of his eyes.

"I will never let you go again."

Now the smaller one's head was resting on the other's chest while his hands followed the line of his thin waist and hips, although Itachi was too thin lately, his body hadn't lost its natural harmony. It was easy for Sasuke to understand that he could never maintain himself by eating practically nothing and only being a guardian.

Whatever job you were forced to do, I know it was the fruit of the love you feel. You don't have to ask anyone's forgiveness, neither me nor Nagato.

The admiration that Sasuke had always felt towards his brother had never disappeared even though he had believed so for many years, now, as a child, he adored both Itachi's personality and his body.

Sasuke had always wanted aspects of Itachi's character for himself, such as the ability to give everything possible, receiving in return only the happiness of the person he did good to; this person very often didn't even notice him.

Sasuke had always revered the refinement of those hands and their movements, that marked intelligence that seemed to be transmitted in every action Itachi made but without ever making him arrogant.

Sasuke remembered the warmth he felt as a child whenever Itachi hugged him, the shivers he felt when he took his hand. He remembered how his heart beat and how his little cheeks reddened upon meeting that look so similar to his but also profoundly different from him.