Chapter 15 - Part Two

Conrad:

It takes everything in me to walk away from her.

But there was nothing else I could say or do. I had told her how I felt. She knew what I wanted. It was all up to her now. Belly had to say what she wants. She was right about one thing: we can't keep going like this. I couldn't be the only one fighting for us anymore.

I kept waiting for her to fight for us though. To say the words. To stop lying to herself. But she never did. She let me walk away without a fight. She threw us away like we were nothing and that's what hurt the most. I thought we could make it through anything. I had been so sure of us. So sure that this summer was it. The summer we find our way back to each other and never let go but the look on her face said otherwise. After tonight I wasn't sure about anything. I kept waiting for her to run after me. To fight for us like I had fought for her but she let me go.

I feel lost as I make my way back to the hotel like my heart had lost its one and only home. Is this the way all first loves die? Slowly with a whimper then just like that gone?

Was this my answer? Had she changed her mind? Maybe it just wasn't me.

It wasn't me.

I feel one building in my chest as I reach the doors of the hotel lobby.

Hold it, I tell myself. Hold it. We're not doing this here.

I make it to the elevator and luckily no one is inside. The panic attack hits me like a truck and I slide down to my knees. And when I can't hold it in anymore, I let myself feel it. All of it. Our conversation plays on a loop in my head and I feel like a prisoner bound by my own heart. It felt like it was the death of us. The death of our love. The end of our story.

"Exile" by Taylor Swift ft. Bon Iver plays in the background:

We always walked a very thin line

You didn't even hear me out (you didn't even hear me out)

You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)

All this time

I never learned to read your mind (never learned to read my mind)

I couldn't turn things around (you never turned things around)

'Cause you never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)

So many signs, so many signs

You didn't even see the signs

I think I've seen this film before

And I didn't like the ending

You're not my homeland anymore

So what am I defending now?

You were my town

Now I'm in exile, seein' you out

Suddenly a voice pulls me out of my thoughts and back into reality. "Conrad?"

I hadn't even heard the elevator doors open. I take my face out of my hands and look up.

"Conrad, talk to me man." Steven kneels down beside me. "What's going on?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine." I wave him off with my eyes closed. My voice sounds like I'm choking.

"No, you're not." He shakes his head. "You don't look fine at all."

I avoid eye contact with him as my head rests against the wall and I ride out the worst of it. Steven stays with me through all of it. When it's over, Steven tries to help me.

"Here. Let's get you up." He puts a hand on my shoulder.

I shake my head. "Just leave me here." I whisper.

"Hey, everything's okay man." Steven starts to sound really concerned. "Let me help you-"

"No, it's not." I sound like I'm choking again. "Nothing is ever going to be okay again."

Steven is quiet for a moment. He had never seen me this low and I felt guilty for being a burden.

Then Steven says, "I'm not leaving you, Conrad."

He starts to lift me to my feet.

"You're coming with me whether you like it or not."

And for some reason I don't argue. I let him help me.

I find myself at Steven and Taylor's door after taking my time walking back to the hotel. I didn't know where else to go. All I knew was I could really use a friend right now.

Taylor answers the door after the first knock then she scans my face. "Belly?"

I was sure my face had seen better days. I had cried off all of Taylor's makeup on the walk back to the hotel. My hair was a mess. I abruptly hug her and she holds me as I cry.

She brings me inside with her and that's when I break down to her on the couch. I tell her everything. I don't hold back. As I relay the conversation to her, I realize how nasty I had been to Conrad and it only makes me feel worse. I had taken out all of my frustrations and my pain over what was happening to Susannah on him. I hated myself for it. I was more so mad at myself.

"Woah. This is a lot." Taylor takes a deep breath after I finish telling her everything.

Then she narrows her eyes. "Do you know what you are going to do?"

I shake my head through the tears.

Taylor holds my hand. "What is your heart telling you to do?"

"I don't know." I start to sob and Taylor just holds me through it.

My mom was right about best friends. It's the closest thing you'll ever have to a sister. Best friends are the ones that sit with you in the depths of despair. The ones who let you cry over the same boy over and over again without making you feel like shit for it. Taylor had been that friend for me. She had seen the worst of me yet loved me through all of it anyways. And I felt unworthy of her kindness right now. I knew I didn't deserve it. I felt like the most selfish person in the world. The most selfish girlfriend. The most selfish best friend. I pull away to collect myself.

"I'm sorry." I shake my head. "You just got engaged. I shouldn't be talking to you about my problems. I don't want to ruin the last day of the trip-"

"Hey, don't worry about that right now." Taylor moves some hair out of my face. "I'm glad you came to me, Belly. We promised each other no secrets, remember?"

"Yeah." I nod. She had said that to me earlier this summer.

I put my face in my hands as I cry to her for help. "I just don't know what to do."

Taylor takes a moment.

Then she says, "I think you do."

I take my face out of my hands to look at her.

"You love him."

She doesn't break eye contact with me as she says it.

"You wouldn't have come here crying to me if you didn't."

I am at a loss for words. What was there to say? It was the truth.

She knew it. I knew it. Even my heart knew it. I had loved Conrad Beck Fisher for as long as I could remember. And that kind of love doesn't just go away because you want it to. It's the kind of love that grabs a hold of you and never lets you go. First loves are like that.

"Even when you were engaged to Jere, you knew it. I think you've always known it." Taylor looks down at our hands. "And the thing is I'm not going to talk you out of it this time, Belly. You have to say what you want. You have to follow your heart."

"What if I don't know what I want?" I whisper.

"You do." Taylor nods. "It's always been him, Belly, and it will always be him."

There is a long moment of silence as her words sink in.

"It doesn't matter." I look down. "It'll never work."

"You're doing it again."

"Doing what?"

"Deflecting." Taylor sighs.

"We've tried, Tay. We tried all summer. And it always ends the same."

"So what?" Taylor almost laughs. "That's life, Belly. Relationships take work. You're going to hurt each other. You're going to say stupid things sometimes. You're going to fight. But you don't just throw away something as special as you and Conrad because life gets hard. You keep trying. You don't just give up."

"I'm not giving up." I avoid eye contact.

"You are." Taylor replies. "You're scared so you're taking the easy way out."

I start to cry more and Taylor just holds my hand.

"Look, babe. I get it. It's scary to give your heart to someone who hurt you. And what's happening to Susannah is awful. But if you want someone to be mad at, be mad at Adam. Don't punish Conrad over this. This isn't his fault and I know deep down you know that too. In fact, I don't think this is about Adam or Conrad at all. I think this is about you not wanting to confront your own heart. What you feel for him. I think you're mad at yourself."

"That-that's not true." My voice shakes.

"Yeah." Taylor leans forward to wipe my tears. "It is true, babe. I know you. You can lie to yourself. You can lie to Conrad but you can't lie to your best friend."

I look at her. The best friend I didn't deserve. She was right about everything and it hurts. It really hurts because I had done this to myself. I had been so preoccupied with protecting my heart and not getting hurt by Conrad that I had caused the hurt myself. And what was worse was I had really hurt him. This wasn't his fault yet I let my anger get the best of me. I let him walk away. I let him believe I didn't want him. That he wasn't worth fighting for. This was all my doing. This was all me. I did this.

Had I really done it this time? Lost him forever?

"I-I think you're making a huge mistake right now, Belly." Taylor looks me in the eye. "You're going to lose him if you don't tell him how you feel. You need to be honest with yourself and with him. What are you so afraid of?"

"This." I claw at my heart. I sounded like I was choking. "It hurts, Tay Tay. It really really hurts."

"I know." Taylor squeezes my hand. "It hurts because you care, babe. You love him."

She hugs me tight and I cry into her shoulder.

"Even if you're right." I say through the tears. "I don't think he wants me anymore after tonight. I was so awful to him, Tay. It was like Susannah's funeral all over again."

"Then do something about it." Taylor pulls away and holds me by the shoulders. She forces me to look at her. "While there is still time to make things right. Fight for him, Belly."

"But I don't even know where he is or what to say-" I shake my head.

Then Taylor interrupts, "What would Susannah do?"

She squeezes my hand. "What would she say?"

I knew exactly what Susannah would tell me to do. She would tell me to be brave. She would tell me to go after him even if his last name wasn't Fisher. She would tell me to not hold back and to say what's on my heart. She would tell me to fight for what I want. To live with no regrets.

"She-she would tell me to go after him." I say what I'm thinking out loud and the words hang in the air between us.

Taylor smiles as she wipes away my tears. She cups my cheek like Susannah would have done and I love her for it. I would never forget the way she was there for me tonight.

Then she says, "Then I think you have your answer. What are you waiting for?"

Conrad:

Steven takes me to a rooftop bar a couple blocks down from the hotel. He orders us drinks and I find a table in the corner under the night sky. I don't look up when he brings the drinks to our table. He takes a seat. Neither of us touch the drinks.

"Are you going to tell me why Belly isn't with you?" He asks me after some time passes.

I keep my eyes on the table. "We had a fight."

Steven takes a moment.

"Do you want to talk about it or would you rather be bros and pretend like this never happened?"

"It's over." My eyes twitch. "We're over."

Steven's expression changes, "What?"

When I don't say anything, Steven leans forward. "What do you mean it's over? My sister is crazy about you. You'd have to be blind to not see that."

"I don't know." My voice breaks as I keep my eyes on the table. "I think she's done with me."

"She's not." Steven shakes his head. "Trust me. I know my sister."

"I don't know, man. This time feels different, you know?" I wipe the tears away. "Like this it."

"What makes you say that?"

"It's complicated."

"Try me."

"I lied to her." l look him in the eye. "And I lied to you and Jere."

Steven touches his drink for the first time tonight and takes a long sip. He doesn't seem disappointed or the least bit surprised. He leans back in his chair with crossed arms.

"I know." He finally says. "I already know about it." He sighs.

He knew about Adam?

"How-how did you-" I look at him.

"Let's just say Cleveland and my mom aren't as discreet as they think they are." Steven takes another sip of his drink. "Regardless, I'm sad to hear it. I'm sorry, man."

He had known this whole time? Guilt washes over me. "The only reason we didn't tell you is we didn't want it to take away from the proposal-" I start but he interrupts me, waving me off.

"I know, I know. I'm not mad. Don't worry." Steven says. "I'm honestly more worried about how you and Jere are doing with all of this."

I lean back. "I'm getting through it. Jere doesn't know." Then I correct myself. "Well, he didn't know until today."

Steven raises his brows. "Oh."

"That's how Belly found out. She saw his texts on my phone at dinner tonight."

"Fuck." Steven exhales. "So Adam must have told him?"

I shrug and Steven takes another sip of his drink. He shakes his head at Adam.

"Why didn't you say anything?" I look at him curious. "Why did you ask me to be your best man if you knew I was lying to you?"

"I just didn't want to believe it I guess. I thought Adam had changed but some people never do." Steven shrugs. "And I figured it's your family business anyways. You'd tell me when you're ready."

I nod at his words then I hesitate, "If you don't want me to your best man I understand-"

"Conrad, shut up." Steven laughs. "It's not your fault Adam is a dick, okay? I mean, you've been dealing with all of this shit pretty much alone yet you still came out here for the proposal."

"You didn't give me much of a choice." I shrug.

Cleveland and Steven had gotten me the plane tickets. It wasn't like I was some hero or anything.

Steven laughs. "Well, you're not getting out of being my best man. Sorry not sorry. You're actually pretty fucking good at this best man shit if you ask me."

"Thanks, Steve." He almost gets a laugh out of me. "I wish I deserved your kindness right now."

"You deserve a lot more than this, I'll tell you that much." Steven says and I look at him. "We're family, Con. I'll always have your back just like you've always had mine."

"Thank you." I say as he sips on his drink.

Steven had always been way too good to me. The brother I never had. One of my closest and truest friends. And it hurt to admit I used to think of him as my future brother in-law before today.

Steven changes the subject. "So what did Belly say when she found out about Adam?"

"She is pretty hurt. So is Jere. I guess I can't blame them. It's all so fucked up."

"Yeah, well. They'll get over it. This isn't about them. It's about Susannah." Steven says then he looks at me. "Don't beat yourself up over this. This is all Adam."

"Yeah" is all I can say but Steven doesn't buy it.

"I'm serious, man." Steven laughs to lighten up the mood. "Everything is going to work out. Find your Zen, remember?"

When I don't laugh or reply, Steven leans forward and sighs. "Hey. Whatever you and Belly said to each other tonight, you'll figure it out. You always do. You're endgame."

His words sting because they no longer felt true. I look out at the city of Seville over the rooftop. It was beautiful but pointless without her. The world felt so empty without her hand in mine.

"I don't know." I whisper. "We've never had a fight like that before."

"Every couple fights man." Steven laughs. "You'll get through it. Belly has been planning your guy's wedding in her head since she was like 12 years old."

"I'm not so sure that's what she wants anymore."

Steven is quiet for a moment.

"So that's it?" He looks at me. "You're just going to give up when things get hard?"

"It's not just about what I want." I look at him. "It's what Belly wants too."

"Conrad, I know you're all about doing the right thing but-"

"I'm not going to force her to be with me if that's not what she wants."

"Okay." Steven takes another sip of his drink. "So what now? What are you going to do?"

It was a good question. I hadn't gotten that far. I look back out at the Seville over the rooftop. I knew what Belly wanted and I was finally coming to terms with the fact that it just wasn't me.

But how do you let go of the love of your life? How do you cut the cord to an invisible string that defies time? Maybe you do it in the only way you can. By forcing yourself to let go too.

"The only thing I can do." I say as I stand up from the table.

I throw money on the table so Steven doesn't have to pay for the drink I never touched.

Steven watches me closely. "And what's that?"

"I'm going to give her what she wants."

Steven blinks. "Con?"

"Make sure she gets home safe, okay?" I say before I walk away.

I told her if it wasn't me, I'd finally let her go and this was me keeping good on that promise. I may have been a fuck up and a failure for most of our story but I wasn't a liar. I would keep my promise to her even if it was the last thing I would do for her.

I would do it in the only way I knew how. By leaving.

Taylor's phone buzzes next to her and she looks down at it. "It's Steven." She sighs.

"You can answer it."

I hear Steven's stressed voice on the other end when she answers his call: "Hey, have you seen Belly!?"

"Uhh, what do you mean?" Taylor looks at me. "Belly is with me right now."

"What!?" I hear Steven yell on the other end. "Tell her to look at her phone! I'll be right there."

I reach for my purse and take out my phone. I had put it on silent mode while I had spent the day sightseeing with Conrad. I see several missed calls and texts from Steven and my face goes white. Then I see a text from Jere. I don't dare click on it. I just look back up at Taylor.

It's not long before Steven bursts through the door. When he sees me, he looks pissed. I'd never seen him so mad.

"Belly, where have you been?!" Steven shouts. "I've been trying to reach you all night!"

"Steven, calm down." Taylor stands up. "Also why does it look like you just ran a marathon? Where have you been?"

"I've been looking everywhere for her." Steven wipes his forehead. "It would be nice if you answered your phone for once." He shoots me a look.

"I-I'm sorry." I find my voice.

"Okay, what the hell is going on?" Taylor puts her hands on her hips and shoots a look at him.

Steven doesn't look at Taylor when he says it. He looks right at me and that's when I knew it was bad news. Bad news is the only kind that can't wait. I brace myself for it.

"Conrad left."

It feels like the walls are closing in on me and I have to look down to process the news. He left?

Taylor takes the words right out of my mouth. "What do you mean Conrad left?"

Steven starts to pace. "I-I ran into him. We went to a bar down the street and we started talking. I've never seen him like that. He said you guys were over and then-then he just took off."

"Did he say where he was going?" Taylor asks him.

"He said he was going to give Belly what she wants." Steven says and my head snaps up.

"Maybe he's just giving her space." Taylor shrugs.

"No." Steven shakes his head. "I think he is going home."

Conrad is leaving Spain? My heart starts to race.

It was so unlike him to make a haste decision like this. It was almost unbelievable. Like I was stuck in a movie. He must have dipped into his savings or Adam's emergency Amex to book the plane ticket last minute. I guess it didn't matter how he did it. The point was he was leaving. He was leaving without saying goodbye. He was leaving because he thought it was over. Because I hadn't told him what I wanted and he took that as my answer. That I didn't want him. That I didn't want us. This was all my fault.

I jump to my feet. "Steven, how-how long ago was that?"

Steven shrugs. "I-I'm not sure. As soon as he left, I went to your suite and you weren't there so I started walking around looking for you. I thought maybe you were still out there avoiding him."

"Check your phone log." Taylor thinks fast. "When did Steven first call you?"

It was worth a shot. I check my phone log and see that the first time Steven tried to call me was over an hour ago. My heart really starts to panic and I feel sick to my stomach.

My fingers shake as I text Conrad: Where are you?

"What are you doing?" Taylor asks.

"Texting him." I press send but the text doesn't say delivered.

"It's not going through." I look up at both of them.

They stare back at me.

"Maybe he's out of signal?" Steven swallows.

"His phone could be off." Taylor adds.

Then I say what we're all thinking out loud: "Or he's about to board a flight."

Suddenly all of the doubts and fears rise to the surface and I have no choice but to confront them head on. This was a fork in the road type of moment. A big moment. They didn't get much bigger than this. I knew what I had to do now. I had to make this right or I would regret it forever. I had to be honest with my heart and myself. I couldn't let him go. Not like this.

It's now or never. This wasn't what I wanted at all.

I start to gather my things in a rush.

"Belly, what can we do?" Taylor's eyes follow me. "How can we help?"

"I-I gotta go." I talk fast, shaking my head. "I can't let him leave like this."

Steven takes out his phone. "I'll get you an Uber to the airport."

"Here, we can come with you-" Taylor starts but I quickly turn around to face her.

"No." I say and they both look at me.

"Thank you but no." I shake my head. "This is something I have to do alone. I'm the reason we're in this mess."

"Ok, sis." Steven rolls his eyes. "This isn't a movie. Save the dramatics for Hollywood. I already got you an Uber. It'll be here in 10 minutes."

I almost smile. "Thanks, Stevie."

When the Uber pulls up, they both hug me before I go.

"Love you sis." Steven hugs me.

"Call us when you can, Cinderbelly." Taylor squeezes me. "You got this."

"Thanks guys." I say before I run down the hallway to the elevator.

When I get there, Steven calls out, "Hey sis?"

I step inside the elevator and press the down button then turn around to face them.

"Go big or go home." Steven winks and Taylor just smiles up at him.

It was what he had said to me the day of the wedding. Taylor had been there for that moment too. I smile and wave them goodbye before the elevator doors close. Then I'm all alone. It was all up to me now.

I cling onto Steven's words on the car ride to the airport. I didn't know what I would say to him. I didn't even know how I was going to find him. For the first time in what felt like a long time I follow my heart trusting that it will guide me to his. I face my fears. I put on a brave face. I knew it would all work out. The words would come to me when I see him. I just had to find him first.

Everything would work out. It had to. My entire heart and life was betting on it.

Conrad:

An Hour Earlier

After I pack my things, I write her a small note using the hotel stationery. It felt more appropriate than a text or call. I knew she wouldn't want to hear from me right now anyway. It was odd to think that I used to write her letters while she was in Spain and now here I was writing the final letter to her in Spain. I guess it was fitting. Our love story had come full circle. I look out of the window with a familiar ache in my chest then when there is nothing left to do I leave the note and the small box on the bed for her. Where they belong. Because they belonged to her. Then I grab my things and walk out of the suite without looking back.

I take off my heels so I can run faster in my dress. I hadn't had time to change and I was sure I was getting weird looks but I didn't care. I was on a mission. I had to find him. I search for any trace of him like a hawk. I had no idea where I was going but I had to try. I would search every single American airline gate if I had to. Whatever it takes. I wouldn't stop until I found him. It was the most right thing I had done and felt in a long time. Because rather than fighting my heart, I was actually following it. I was chaneling my inner Susannah. I was going after him.

After running around for what felt like forever out of nowhere I spot a blue dress shirt. It looked exactly like the one he had worn to dinner tonight. The one I had complimented him on. He is in line about to board the plane and everything around me turns into slow motion.

"Conrad?" I call out as I sprint through the sea of people that was in between us. "Conrad!"

I'm too far away for him to hear me. He doesn't turn around. He doesn't even move. He doesn't hear me.

Just turn around, my heart screams to his as I run towards him. Don't get on that plane!

He steps forward to scan his plane ticket and I collide into him before he can take another step. The force of it all nearly knocks us both over. His hands feel different as he steadies me on my feet then I look at his face and I understand why.

It's not him. It's not my Conrad. It's a stranger wearing a blue dress shirt with dark hair. He looks startled.

The guy looks at me. "I'm sorry but do I know you?"

"I-I'm sorry." I start to back away from him. "I-I thought you were someone else."

"Maam?" The lady behind the airline counter looks at me funny but I was already walking away.

No matter what I did, it kept feeling like I was missing the boat or rather the plane.

I felt like I was trapped in a nightmare as I ran through crowds of people looking for him. But I had to keep going. The clock was ticking. Every second mattered more than the last. I search for him in every crowd at every gate. Looking for a sign. Looking for his blue shirt. His dark hair. His luggage. His headphones. Anything. But he was nowhere to be found.

When I reach the last gate, I'm not ready to give up. I start to retrace my steps and that's when my energy starts to fade. That's when all the hope in my heart starts to die. I could feel it in my gut: He was gone.

Just like that. He was gone. Like he wasn't ever really here at all.

Most of the planes had boarded by now. There were very few people left in the airport. It was dark outside. It was late. But more importantly, I had been too late.

He wasn't here.

It felt like I was in a really bad dream that I couldn't wake up from. A movie with a not so happy ending. I kept closing my eyes wishing I was dreaming. That I would wake up any second now with his arms around me in our suite. But this wasn't a dream. This was my life. It didn't feel like it was my life though. It felt like it was somebody else's life. It felt unreal. It felt too sad and raw to be true.

Not my Conrad. He wouldn't leave like this. He wouldn't do this to us. But then again this is what I had done to us. Like Steven said he was giving me what he thought I wanted. This is what he thought I wanted. Him gone. Because I didn't fight for us. I didn't go after him. I let him walk away and I would regret that for as long as I live.

You can't have it both ways, my heart whispers. You told him to finally let go and I guess he finally had.

The lady from behind the counter earlier finds me standing alone at a window. She approaches me.

"Maam?" She clears her throat. "Excuse me but this flight has already boarded. Can I help you?"

I shake my head as I watch the planes line up. I don't turn around to look at her. No one could help me right now.

"Are you looking for someone?" She asks.

When I don't answer, she comes up behind me. "It's getting late, sweetie. Let's get you a ride home."

She escorts me out of the airport and gets me a ride back to the hotel. I watch all of the planes take off into the sky in the backseat knowing Conrad Fisher is on one of them and there is nothing I can do. And the worst part is he was there because of me. There was no one to blame but myself.

If only I could go back. I would say all the right things. I wouldn't hold back anymore. I would tell him everything I had planned to tell him tonight. I would say what was on my heart. I would tell him I loved him. I would make it so he never looked at me like that again. I would make it so he never left again.

I guess you don't know what you have until it's gone.

When the Uber drops me off, I don't go to Taylor and Steven's room right away. I go back to our suite. My suite, I mean. My suite that felt so empty without him. I don't even turn on the lights when I walk inside. I toss my heels off of my throbbing feet and I slip out of the dress he had bought for me. I change into my pajamas ready to climb into bed and to never come out.

And that's when I see it. A small note and a small box on the bed.

I stare at them for a long time. I knew whatever was in them was going to break me.

And when I finally find my strength, I turn on the lamp and sit on the bed. I start with the note. His final letter to me.

Dear Isabel,

By the time you read this, I'll be long gone. I promised you if it's not me I would finally let you go. This is me keeping that promise. We've never been good with goodbyes so I'll spare us both from having that conversation.

I want you to know what we had was real. As real as it gets. Some people go their entire lives without knowing what true love feels like. I guess we were the lucky ones to find it so early in life, huh? I will never be able to thank you enough for all you have taught me and given me. You made me believe in magic again when I thought it had been lost forever after my mom passed. You made me a better man. You brought color and life into a world that felt so black and white. I can't say I saw our story ending like this but at least we can walk away knowing what we had was real. We grew up together. Looked out for each other. Grew together in love. And I will always look back on our golden childhood summers fondly. I will always carry them with me in my heart. Memories are like that.

I hope you find what you are looking for, Isabel, and I hope you never stop reaching for the moon and stars. Above all else, I hope you know how special you are. Maybe this gift can serve as a reminder of that. I was planning on giving this to you tonight but life never goes as planned does it? Please wear it. It belongs to you. It always has and it always will. Take good care of it, will you?

Love, Conrad

My hands shake as I pick up the small box. I was afraid to open it. When I do open it, there is a charm bracelet inside. I take it out and admire it in my hands.

The first charm I see is the official flag of Spain. He must have gotten it for me while we were window shopping for souvenirs today. The next charm is a polar bear with glasses aka Junior Mint. The next one is a starry night scene with a moon and stars. The next is a volleyball which almost makes me laugh. The next is my college graduation class year. The next is a small portrait of a beach with seashells and sand which looks uncannily similar to Cousins Beach. Every charm was something I loved. Something in my life he knew I cared about.

And to save the best for last, the final charm is an infinity symbol with the letters "C "inside of one loop and a "B " inside of the other. "C and B " in the most dazzling silver. The same way the infinity necklace used to shine. And then I see these words engraved in the small box:

I Love You To Infinity

It knocked the wind out of me. It took my breath away. It was such a personal gift. A gift that makes you feel seen in every way. He knew me inside and out. And that's when it hits me. I had gotten it wrong my whole entire life. He hadn't just loved me the summer I turned pretty. He had always seen me for who I was and he had always cared for me. He had always paid attention. He had always loved me. Knew what made me happy. I had been too blind and dumb and young to see it for what it was. But now that it was right here in front of me I couldn't unsee it. I couldn't even look away. My heart couldn't deny the truth anymore. There was no denying it. No denying that it had always been love. My heart couldn't unknow it or unlearn it.

Conrad and I loved each other. We had always loved each other. We were forever linked. We had always been linked through some mysterious invisible string. Tied together like the charms of this bracelet. Written in the stars and intertwined like the infinity symbol. They say you never get over your first love and I understood the weight of those words now. I knew I would never be loved like that ever again. It was the kind of love that doesn't know better and doesn't want to. A once in a lifetime kind of love and I had let it slip away. I had let it slip through my fingers like the sand on Cousins Beach. I had let him go. I let our love die. And I would never be the same again. My heart would never love anyone like that again. And that was the truth.

Where did that leave me? Where do I go from here?

And that's when I bow my head and I really start to cry.

Author's Note:

I know this was a heavy chapter but it was also a very important one that sets up the rest of the story. Hang in there friends. The story is far from over. Love you guys.