Memories are what make us. If one were to take a person and erase all the experiences they've formed over the course of a lifetime, would they still be the same person? I think not. Welcome to my TED Talk-

I laughed, or had done the equivalent of without a mouth, or a face, or a head, or anything, really. God, what was this place? How many times have I asked that question? How many times have I asked that question? And that one, followed by that one and so on and so forth. A numerical series! This is what it felt like to be one, I think.

Where do I go from here? I thought. How many times have I repeated what has always been and never could be? I suppose going for another ride wouldn't hurt.

They said there would be side effects, but I never imagined they could be this severe. My name, my body, my past, my future, me, was all gone. Temporary was the key, I hoped. A state in which one loses their mortal coils and enters an impossible plane of existence, something that can never be proven. Why? You ask. You? Me? There is only this, nothing more, nothing less. Such terms were fluid, though not viscous like honey or shallow as a puddle.

Like. What did I like? Doo, da, di, da. Sounds of some or none. Why was this so difficult? What was I talking about? No! I lost it! Damn it! Damn. God? Here we go again. I want to stop. Thinking. Think. That is all I can do.

An idea. The present. Nothing. All around, inside, outside, behind, above, anywhere and nowhen, there was nothing. I was, I do, but I never will. Once this ends, I will remember nothing of it. A spur of clarity, but as quick as it came, it will fade away, that I know for certain. Hehe, come, what a funny word. Why is it so funny? I don't know, I just do as I think.

Oh, still clear? Thank you, allow me to further wipe the window. And I lost it, great- no, wait, I caught the balloon before it floated away. Every thought, every feeling, every scream and cry, none will be. The concept of time had long since become a curious subject, one that without a reference point was as useful as a golden pickaxe. Now, where did one come from? Symmetrical cubes. There's a twisted beauty in asymmetric patterns, a chaotic harmony.

Did I lose something? Probably, again, for the Nth time. Were I in the known reality, this would be called… insanity. Indeed, the repetition of an action and the expectation of a different result each round. I could think why it would be defined as such, but was it? I don't know.

What? Were I expecting a concrete answer? Ha! As if I had any, this is a circus without a clown! An empty, lonely, cold tent, its tattered flaps sailing with the whistle of the wind. However, what if there was an answer? And the answer was right there all along? I hope. Perhaps I'm too stupid to realize it or too drunk in this state of being. Which is better? Blissful ignorance or willing blindness?

A shiver. Neither were good, but if you ask me, knowing and not caring is worse than not knowing and not caring. Lots of negatives right there, why be so negative? Be positive! Be a proton! Bundle up with a bunch of neutrons! Become a star! No, a neutron star! A magnetar! Where did that come from? I don't remember these terms. Do I? I feel like I do.

I gasped. Gasped? It felt like it. I was feeling. It was something, something, something… different. Harsh, unpleasant but familiar. A plunge into a pool, a broken boiling vat, a sudden rain in summer.

I was cold. Another shiver; the body's response to low temperature, an attempt to warm itself. In addition, the cold wasn't exterior; it was interior as well. Drawing a deep, slow breath confirmed that.

A breath; the act of inhaling and exhaling air, the lungs turning oxygen into carbon dioxide. Carbon, oxygen, hydrogen, base elements to all life on Earth. Earth; the third planet from the Sun. Sun; the central object dominating the solar system, the source of heat, the giver of life. The Solar System; a collection of planets and countless other celestial objects that orbit a star in the Milky Way. Milky Way; the home galaxy of the solar system in which is the only known planet to harbor life. Life. Alive.

I gasped, my eyes snapping open, though I regretted that right after. A sharp, white light stabbed them, forcing them shut until they properly adjusted. Cold, so, so cold. It was getting better, step by step it would. They said the side effects were temporary, but who knows what those crazy eggheads were cooking in their sterilized labs.

For now, I focused on breathing. In, and out. Simple as that. It'd take some time for my body to regain full functionality, but that was fine. A sharp exhale followed by a few more, a silent chuckle. What felt like a moment earlier I had fallen asleep, and now I was awake, from my eyes. God only knows how much time has truly passed, so many things to do but one at a time.

A minute should've done the trick, so I opened my eyes with caution and was relieved when they weren't falsely punished for a second time. A thick cloud of fog surrounded me, I couldn't tell if my vision had returned to normal, I couldn't even see the transparent capsule that was undoubtedly within my neck's reach. A moment later, a blue light flashed on and off, a warning to the outside. Then, a stretched hiss separated the elliptical glass dome from the silicon lips, the fog spilling out and into the room I had etched into my memory, one of many "fun" activities acquired during the even fun-er pastime that is waiting for bureaucracy to move its lazy behind.

Once the hiss drowned, the fog had significantly been reduced though it firmly stuck to the surface. Then, expectedly, a motor whirled to life, much louder than I remembered as the shell of the egg rotated upwards. Not immediately, it had all the time in the world and so did I.

Fortunately enough, my vision was returning rather swiftly. It was on the level of a bad wakeup call, one you wish to put on hold but realizing it wasn't the weekend yet. Flexing my hand, the muscular system hadn't fully warmed up but again, that was perfectly fine. Instead of uselessly straining myself, I let the natural process occur, moving my neck from side to side by a nail's length.

As the shell was raised higher and higher, so was my heartbeat. Rapid bombarding, I was becoming more and more excited by the halves of seconds. And like meeting those pearly white gates, I was freed from my icy prison. I must've looked so silly, smiling like an idiot. Upon realizing how bizarre it looked to an outsider, I cleared my throat, attempting to speak only to miserably fail. I cleared it again, and failed again.

Frowning, I took a deep breath and tried again, albeit gently, assisted by the exhale. After several tries, the best I managed was a sad little, "Hey." I had so much more to say, and the questions the scientists will ask me are definitely going to tire me out, but I couldn't care less! I was alive! I made it! I couldn't hold my excitement and let another smile slip, accompanied by a dry chuckle.

In response, my ears were treated with a high-pitched scream before a series of hasty footsteps furthered away from me, neatly wrapped up with a reverberating slam. I was… bewildered, to say the least. On second thought, I probably creeped the egghead out with my expressions, so I let that slide.

Flexing my hand once again, some feeling had returned, good. I debated whether I should try to lift myself up or remain on my back, but with the lingering fatigue, the latter quickly became the obvious choice. So, without much to do until the screamer or my body returned, I stared at the ceiling. The design was… strange. Not in a fictional or unrealistic manner, just… different. Perhaps my mind was playing tricks on me, induced by whatever phenomenon they called this state of awareness. The main color was white, surgical and clean, a dimmer tone was the metal that separated each square from its neighbor, and the lamps were an identical shape of pure white.

Expectedly, staring at the light created those annoying spots in my vision, so I closed them for now. Fortunately, I had four other senses to entertain me for the time being. Who knew waiting could be so boring? Me! Though I preferred company when tackling the task. Licking my lips, I was a bit surprised to discover they were still as saturated. The air was warmer by then, cooling, or maybe I was the one cooling. Nevertheless, the smell was a bit off.

That's quite silly. It was a lab, how could it smell off? Even now I had trouble separating reality and fantasy, though I wouldn't call whatever that nap was fantastical. I was growing tired of waiting, but what else could I do? I wasn't sure how much time had passed but it had to be too long. Was I that hideous? Mama didn't think so, and Papa said I wasn't that ugly. A sharp sigh left my nose, enough with that. I wanted out.

Flexing my hands for the third time, I put all my energy into lifting my arms up. At first, they refused, but with more effort and more heat reviving the muscular system, I managed to keep them in the air! At the cost of exerting myself and letting them fall down with a thud. Countless goosebumps appeared over my body, all I needed was a little patience. Stretching. I did just that, as much as I could in the confined space. My calves, my sides, especially my arms, I searched around for what the sports teacher had taught me. In the end, I recalled four exercises, pathetic, I know. However, those four were enough to give me that boost to grab the sides of the chamber and lift with all my might!

"Ugh… c'mon… c'moooon…!" I groaned, suppressing the urge to expel the last meal I had. As I raised myself closer and closer to stability, my abs hurt much more than my arms. I couldn't have been that out of shape, right?! Right?

With a cough, I finally sat myself on my butt, heaving in exhaustion and hurling several times over. I never ever want to repeat that again. I can't wait to get out of this stinky place. Shaking the curses away, I stopped myself from further exceeding my physical limits. Worst case scenario I'd need some rehabilitation, no biggie.

By then, I had regained nearly all functions. My ears heard, my eyes saw, my skin felt, my nose smelt, and my mouth tasted blood? "Huh?" I voiced, a seed of anxiety falling from the sky. I licked the back of my hand and gave it a sniff, there was nothing. It missed, "phew."

Wiping away the saliva on my chest, I looked around like a sleepy child in a library. Once again, I didn't trust my memory since a lot could, and has, changed since I entered the chamber. I wasn't where I last was, but they could've simply moved me to a different place. The part that worried me was my isolation.

The room I occupied was about five by five meters. The walls were like the ceiling; sterile squares of white minus the lighting. The floor was a singular, solid slab of marble. Funnily enough, I felt like Lenin if he somehow woke up, excluding politics, of course.

Then, I realized an unsettling fact; sound, or lack thereof. Neither the buzz of a fan or an air conditioner, the chatter of colleagues, not even an echo. There was only me in the room, alone.

Being as uncomfortable as I was, I cleared my throat, swallowing a lump before speaking, "Hello?" Listening closely, there was no reverb- that's stupid, how could I discern that? I wasn't Superman. Shouting would do no good, my vocal cords were very precious to me, thank you very much.

How much time has passed? Five minutes? Ten? Why hadn't they returned yet? I could think of ten reasons why that shouldn't have happened and none why it should have. Was I ill? Was I mutated?!

Frantically looking around, I stopped moving my head like a headless chicken, blinking several times at the reflection above me. That was me, alright, but… I was so thin. Side effects, indeed.

With a sigh, I slowly lowered my back to the surface, a cold surge popping in and out of existence like some quantum particle. Bringing my hands over my belly, I interlocked them, focusing all perception to my ears. It was a random thing to distract me, meaningless, but what better did I have? Was I that addicted to the phone?

"Hmph, nah." I stretched my neck, a joint quietly popping in reply. If something had to be done, that was that. But if I had free time, why not have fun? Another thought, how much did they promise? Somewhere in the six digits for sure, maybe seven? "Naaaah," I laughed, they weren't cheap bastards, but that'd be impractical the larger the pool.

I have exhausted not only myself, but myself. I had no more ideas on what to do. I wasn't little enough to count sheep in the sky or naive enough to try the impossible. So, I closed my eyes and let the mind wander.

A double rainbow shining through the end of a storm. A hot air balloon breaking the clouds as colorful as the songs about red, white, and blue. A V of birds migrating to better places. The glimpse of light breaking through the infinite array of color. The pitter patter of rain hitting the ground grew quicker and harder and faster until it stopped. A loud bang hit the door.

I jolted awake, a hand over my chest as I calmed my heart. "Jesus…" I breathed, averting my eyes to the exit. The handle moved up and down in rapid succession, a voice so low my brain couldn't decipher who made it. "Finally…" I said, adding, "fucking idiots." A part of me was still afraid. There was no reason to be, a new employee was trolled by a senior and had a panic attack with an old experiment, it happens.

Lifting myself up to greet the scientists, I straightened my nonexistent clothes, and it hit me; I was going to be caught lacking decency. I wasn't that embarrassed though, maybe displeased, but they'd understand, it was their idea in the first place after all.

Clearing my voice one last time, I tried to look as gentlemanly as possible, preparing a cool one-liner as a cherry on top. A smile crept onto my face, the situation I was in was anything but presentable, damn it! Couldn't they make a jumpsuit like in the movies?

With a sigh, I made peace with the awkwardness that would follow as a lock clicked, followed by the handle swiftly twisting and the door hitting the wall to the left so hard it cracked against the point of impact.

"Long time no see, Mr. A-" My mouth froze, my jaw locked in place as my brain processed the unfolding situation. Dozens of people rushed in, yellow blurs wheezing by too fast for me to lock onto like a guided missile. Then, everything just stopped.

Inside the room with me were, by a rough count, fifteen people. They all wore those hazardous suits used in crime scenes or nuclear reactors and upon closer examination, their stature varied. Of course they varied, but not in the natural magnitude! The shortest was as tall as a child, and the polar opposite could touch the roof if they extended their arms and stood on their toes. Last I remember, they didn't recruit circus midgets and slendermen, but maybe going so progressive made them do a full circle.

"Not gonna lie, that scared me a little," I said, blinking several times at the scene, "why did you barge in-"

"動くな! みんな照準を合わせろ!"

"彼らに何ができるかはわからない!"

"こんなことのために契約したんじゃない..."

"W… what?" I was no expert, but I don't think that was English. "Can… can you understand me?"

"落ち着いて、急に動き出さない限り撃たないこと."

"正気か？もし彼らに能力があれば..."

"こんなことはしたくない! こんなことはしたくない!"

The yellow suits argued amongst themselves, I could only assume as such. A million questions ran through my mind, but in the heat of the moment with a barrier so thick a diamond couldn't crack it, I raised my hands in surrender, drawing everybody's attention to me. It was a wild guess, the movies had a great influence on the youth. Hollywood, Bollywood, same garbage. However, for once in my life, they came in clutch as the various weapons and instruments pointed at me lowered, a sense of relief washing over.

"Wait- GUNS?!" I stared wide-eyed, horror plastered over my face like a propaganda poster. I dare not to imagine what could've happened had I not made the universal sign of peace. "Right, you can't understand anything I say…" I forced my expression to remain neutral, sweat dripping down my forehead and snaking down my nose.

"Well, since this is… fuck," I sighed, "what even is this? Speaking some ching-chong tongue. I have a feeling something is terribly wrong…" I voiced my thoughts, though I kept the tone of my voice steady. The yellow suits talked amongst themselves again, the topic of their conversation stupidly apparent. None of this was making any sense, and making sense of it was irritating me to no end.

For the moment, some lowered their guard, so I took that as the affirmative to lower my arms to rest on the sides of the glorified coffin, my arms also ached. Despite not being able to see their eyes through the glass, I knew they constantly passed over me. It was as if I didn't belong there in more ways than I could ever hope to comprehend.

Propping my head up with a hand, I frowned at their supposed argument, boredom having returned to full capacity. The floors were dirtied by their boots, the sound of the plastic barrels occasionally hitting one another due to the relatively confined space. "Why are you wearing hazmats?" Even though the barrier stood tall, they still gave me the stage. "And why so many of you? My head hurts, dude-"

My tongue froze on the last syllable, my eyes widening more than ever before. I raised a shaking, accusing finger, rapidly blinking to reprocess the same, unchanging image; one of the yellow suits, a head taller than me, had an extra appendage behind them. The rubber encompassing it was shaped like a tube, flexible and comfortable, logically.

"Why… why do you have… a tail?" I gulped, retracing my hand back to the edge of the chamber. The individual I addressed looked at their body, shrugging in response. My eyes darted to and fro, scanning each of them, and my fear had come true; they were all with those things; tails, horns, snouts. Things people didn't have.

"You… you're not human, are you?" My breath fell, my chest heavier than tungsten. No matter how much air my lungs ate, I was edging closer and closer to a total breakdown in the form of a panic attack. They had no clue of the verbal warning, but my body language had to be enough for them to back away and train their sights on me.

As such, the situation re-escalated. My first thought was to escape, but having a large group of aliens fill more than a half of the floor's area made the chances an absolute zero. Hiding was the next in line, and it too was kicked out. One of the suits shouted at another that had what looked like a rifle aimed at my head, the latter literally barked at the former. A conflict broke out amongst them, though hands weren't raised… yet.

Me? I curled up in the fetal position, hugging my knees to my chest as I worked on calming my heart. The cold stabbed me with the entirety of the blade, deep past my bones. In the midst of a raging sea floated a rotting boat, every wave that hit it could be the last, the madness of the storm was simply too much for the poor vessel.

Until a hand touched me, making me gasp. Though my eyes remained open, they processed nothing before the point of contact. Gazing up at the suit, it was by far the biggest out of all of them, easily towering over me by a foot or two. Their body was large, the yellow rubber curved around their human-like body. Bipedal, but that was as far as similarities went.

Despite my initial reaction, the hand touching my arm didn't yield. It didn't bring harm or discomfort, so I let it be. Seeing I didn't push them away, they gently caressed my naked skin, slowly, curiously. And when I thought over that, my heart sank. In a burst of speed, I covered my nether regions, biting my inner lip. They stopped mid-stroke, finally realizing what had caused me utter shame. Although the crude act of sympathy was cut short, it didn't go unnoticed by the rest of the suits.

In the end, silence was the third party. Some said something before leaving for whatever reason, possibly to bring things and do other stuff. "I want to sleep…" I murmured, the interior of the chamber much more interesting than the black mirrors. I didn't know anymore, I just didn't. The minimum, the sole request I had was the truth, unfiltered like a good beer. But with the way the train was moving, it was going to be a very long and confusing ride.

Looking back at the suit that made physical contact, I cleared my throat, whether their attention had deviated at all a mystery. "Hey… I can get uh… pants? Please?" I pursued my lips, closing my legs together to further protect whatever remained of my dignity. The figure moved their head here and there, trying their best to decipher what was in their eyes a line of gibberish. So, with my thighs shielding my little man, I raised my hands, both indexes pointing upwards. Then, I drew an outline of the piece of clothing once, twice and thrice, an invisible line separating the nonexistent trousers acting as the reference point to my fingers.

On the third sign, the figure finally understood, I hoped. They rushed out of the room, shouting something. That really got under my skin; something. I wanted to understand them so badly. Was that even possible? "Man, what a fever dream," I dryly chuckled, leaning my weight against the left side. I then crossed my arms over the edge, resting my chin on the one above the other.

At that point, only five remained in the room. Perhaps they realized that I was passive or harmless. Licking my cracked lips, I made a plan for the near future. Until I could verbally communicate with these beings, I had to go with the flow. One wrong move and I could get… what?

"What are you gonna do to me, hmm?" I lazily crossed them, suppressing a heavy yawn. What would they do to me if I fell asleep? There was no winning this one, was there?

A yellow blur stopped outside the opened door, keeling over with something in their hand. Shifting my attention to the excitement, a part of me wished it was them, and them it was. In their rubber glove was a piece of blue fabric, once close enough I realized what it was.

"Oh… you actually got it," I erected my back, greeting them with a thin smile, "not pants, but it'll do," it stopped before me, presenting me with the gown. I looked up to meet their eyes, their unknown anatomy of no concern to me. "Thank you… I know you can't understand me… but thank you." I said softly, taking the piece from them. Their hand remained in place but the grip was loose.

Once the last of the fabric escaped the clasp of the glove, I spread out the gown. It took me a while, but after searching far and wide I found the holes for the arms. Then, I determined which part was front and back and put it on, the right arm followed by the left, that wasn't even the hard part. Reaching behind my neck, I tied the two rubber bands in the shape of a butterfly, finding the middle bands proved slightly more challenging, but that was dealt with as well.

"Whoo, now I feel better… a little…" I straightened out the cyan folds, the suit beside me content with letting me figure it out on my own. "Alright, time to stand up." I went to do just that, but before I could even lift my butt off the metal my knees spasmed, causing the suit to jolt away. I raised my hands in surrender, the shaking quickly dying to an uncontrollable shiver.

They said something, reapproaching my vulnerable form. "Ah, well… looks like I can't exactly stand on my own…" I scowled at my knees in disappointment, an idea striking like lightning. Snapping to the figure, I reached my arms out, though my eyes didn't make contact. "Could you… help? Please?" The figure relaxed, looking me up and down like a wounded animal. I had completely forgotten that there were still others here, watching us, recording us. I was about to snap out at the paparazzi but there was no point even if they did understand.

With a sigh of their own, they grabbed me. Gently, an arm supported my back and the other below both knees. A heave and a ho, I was in their arms in a carry only a princess was worthy of. "God, can this get any more- no, don't jinx it… this is not too bad…"

Ignoring the way the others locked onto the one holding me, they spoke for longer, around ten seconds straight. Readjusting their hold, they started towards the door, the others making way for us. All the while I never stopped thinking, this was mad in every sense of the word. I tell myself to not bother, but I still do. I couldn't get the answers I yearned for right this very moment, like an itch I couldn't scratch regardless of how hard I dug my nails.

Leaning into the suit, I discovered a strange thing. I felt fine. In contrast to everything, I felt that things would turn out alright even if the present was uncertain. Looking onward, we were going down a cold, lonely corridor, a crossroads at its end. Turning back to them, I swallowed, barely rehydrating my throat.

"Well…" The carrier addressed my whisper with a tilt of the head, the sound of activity growing nearer, "ah…" I didn't have anything to say. I couldn't. So, I spoke my mind, "Let's see what happens, you know what they say; 'It is what it is'."

Author's Note

The summary I used for the story is much longer than the one FanFiction allows, stupid character limit.

You can check the original one over on my AO3 page if you're curious enough.

Stay safe and hydrated.