CHAPTER 21 - MUSTER

Obviously, Bliss wasn't fine, but her friends acted as normal as possible as they progressed through the morning. They were allowed to leave the Capitol tomorrow; this would probably be the last time they were all in the same room until the next Games. The thought made Bliss shudder, she couldn't think about next year. She hadn't cleared this year's tragedies yet.

After lunch, Harlem suggested they all go on a 'walk' together. Meaning, they needed privacy for whatever Harlem wanted to speak to the group about. Bliss figured they were going to fill her in on the events of the Victor's Party. Adrenaline pumped through her veins, but she kept it together, knowing she'd never recover if she gave into the storm.

The papers crinkled in her pants as she walked. She hadn't been able to bring herself to look at them yet, or hide them anywhere. She feared the pages contained information far too sensitive to leave behind. So, she carried them awkwardly.

Afflatus trailed behind the group, and took a moment to throw up in a garbage can. Too much booze and pills, Bliss thought. If she couldn't hurt the outside of her body, she'd hurt the inside. Bliss' heart fell, and she slowed her pace to match her friend's.

"You good?" Bliss asked her ghostly face. Afflatus nodded, then proceeded to throw up again. Bliss called for Violet and Harlem to wait while Affy recovered. She looked embarrassed, but relieved to rest for a moment. The girl was clammy and shaking.

Eventually, the city streets gave way to greenery, and they were surrounded within minutes. Harlem found an unoccupied clearing. The papers audibly crumpled when Bliss sat, but nobody questioned her.

"So." Bliss said. "Sorry for what I said earlier. I know you're all trying to be nice. I just… sorry it's hard to explain. I just don't want to think about it right now… I want to know what happened yesterday. My memory's all fucked up." She sighed in frustration.

Violet, Harlem, and Afflatus all looked forgiving, and assured her everything was okay between them.

"What would you like to know?" Harlem asked.

Bliss racked her brain. "I guess everything, starting from… The last thing I remember was…" She decided to edit out the part where she communicated with the avox. Although she didn't remember what they wrote about, she had a feeling she didn't tell anybody else what she was up to. "Harlem and I had an argument."

Violet looked surprised. "What about?" Harlem side-eyed him.

It was coming back to Bliss, Harlem dressing her down for being reckless, Bliss matching his energy and saying she had a damn good reason for doing… something… fuck. She still couldn't remember what the avox and her corresponded about. She'd had a plan, but what was it? Damn the drugs and the memory loss. Damn Marcus. Before she could get worked up, she spoke again.

"A difference of opinion." Bliss said, reluctant to speak about the nature of the argument. "Moving on… what else happened before the party?"

"Nothing… I don't think." Harlem said. "You had another meeting." He said cryptically as well.

"Why are you guys talking like that, you know we're the only ones here, right?" Afflatus asked.

That was right! Bliss saw the avox again. They were talking about… something! She groaned in frustration, slapping her face into her palm, perhaps a little to hard.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to pry." Afflatus apologized for Bliss' frustration.

"It's not that… Fuck! I just want to fucking remember!" She was too on edge, she had to bring the energy down. She closed her eyes and started taking deep breaths.

"Okay." Bliss' voice shook. "What happened at the party?"

Harlem took a deep breath as well. "We arrived. The other victors did as well. It was all pretty normal at first." Harlem pulled at his collar, buttoned to the top. "We were talking with Rhea, Aramid, and Violet." He gestured to the man. Violet nodded. "And.. uh- sorry." Harlem undid the top button and cleared his throat. Bliss noticed his hands were shaking.

"Marcus came over to us." Violet took over telling the story. "We chatted for a few minutes and then he asked to see you privately. Harlem and I got pulled into another conversation. Rhea took Aramid to a different ballroom to get away from Marcus. We… we lost sight of you in the crowd. I'm sorry." Violet said. His head hung low by the time he finished speaking, thick locs tumbling over his shoulders, obscuring his face.

Bliss shifted uncomfortably. "Just… don't apologize. I know you tried to look out for me. Umm… I remember…" She strained to string the events together, create some sort of coherent timeline. "He gave me a drink. He put drugs in it. I didn't know that."

"Of course not." Harlem said, finding his voice.

Images of the garden flashed by, then the gazebo. More adrenaline was released into her system as other flashes replaced the garden images.

Her ribs smashing into the bench.

Bliss shook her head, trying to clear the intrusive memories.

Teeth tearing her breast.

She put her head in her hands. Eyes open or closed, it didn't matter. She couldn't escape.

The blood and gore flowing through the grass.

Bliss smacked her forehead and cursed, trying to jostle the images from her minds.

A hideous, gruelling pain as Marcus ripped into her.

She couldn't breathe. She heard someone calling her name as she gasped for air.

"Bliss. Open your eyes."

She didn't want to, she didn't want to see Marcus' greedy expression.

"Bliss, look at me. We're here: Affy, Harlem, and Violet."

Someone took her hand, but she didn't flinch away, because the hand was made of metal, not flesh.

"You're safe now. Bliss. Come back."

Bliss opened her eyes and saw the sky. She'd fallen on her back. She sat up and rubbed her eyes, trying to stop the body-shaking panic. Her body ached. Blips of memories faded in and out, threatening to pull her back under. Her eyes were misty, but she held back the tears. She didn't see blood, though, except in her memories.

"Just… what happened next? Keep telling the story." Bliss asked, uncomfortably shifting. They looked apprehensive. "I don't want to get stuck on this part!" She said, desperation creeping into her tone. "Don't leave anything out. I mean it." Bliss levelled her gaze at her friends.

"Violet and I saw Marcus walk back into the party. He was coming from the gardens. We went to find you." Harlem said, trying to remain calm for her. He was struggling, though.

Bliss couldn't remember seeing them. "I can't… tell me exactly how you found me." She bravely asked, fearing the worst. Afflatus squeezed her hand.

Harlem choked. Violet took over again. "You were sitting in front of the gazebo, getting dressed. We startled you." Violet cleared his throat. "You were clearly upset and disoriented."

At least she wasn't still naked. She remembered hitting her head against the gazebo, shuffling backwards out of fear. She hadn't realized it was Harlem and Violet, she thought Marcus had come back for more. But he didn't.

…Violet had found her underwear in a bush. She turned red at the memory, the flush clear on her pale skin.

"We walked through the gardens, back inside through a door by the kitchen." Violet continued evenly.

Bliss could visualize it, it was coming back.

"Harlem helped you into the bathroom and I waited outside." Violet turned to Harlem, to continue telling the story.

"I cleaned your wounds. Then you asked me to join the party, and an avox helped you to the kitchen." Harlem added quietly.

Bliss remembered the embarrassment of taking off her bra. The kitchen though… that was still blurry. Did she hug an avox?

"Right. Okay. I can see pieces." Bliss said. "Why did I send you away, Harlem?"

"I think it had something to do with your… meetings." He answered.

Curiosity tugged at Bliss mind. She hadn't wanted to look at the pages yet, fearing the contents, but the need to remember outweighed all else. Bliss removed the pages from her pants. She tossed the page she'd already read on the ground- the one reminding her of her attacker, and to check on her father. She took a breath before looking at the rest.

Her friends waited, curiously. Afflatus picked up the piece of paper Bliss discarded. Her face soured when she read the note. Bliss didn't mind that they passed it around. Harlem crumpled it up after he read it.

"You wrote notes to yourself last night so you wouldn't forget…" Afflatus summarized.

Bliss nodded.

"That's kind of… incredible." Afflatus said. Bliss looked at her curiously. "I mean, I probably would have just destroyed my apartment or drank until I couldn't see… but you held it together. You're strong, Bliss. Really strong." Bliss appreciated it.

Bliss looked at her notes. It was information about the victors, all sorts. She had no recollection of writing, no idea how she kept the information in her brain and dumped it out. She'd included a separate page for victors who had assignments. She wrote down a 'Contact List' for the dead D8 victor- Creel Doff… She remembered seeing her father's name crossed out.

Her plan came back to her… The correspondence with the avox, the other avoxes helping her through the Presidential mansion after she'd been drugged, looking at the Victor Files… talking to the peacekeepers and medics after. The exams and treatments. She cringed at the memories. Bliss passed the notes around.

Everyone's eyes widened at the sight of the information.

"Holy fuck…" Afflatus said. "How did you get this? Why? When? Where? I haven't even seen shit like this."

A smile spread over Bliss' face, finally able to remember.

"I had a plan." Bliss said. "Didn't involve getting raped, but I think it provided cover for me." Harlem flinched. She feared he was too shameful about the situation.

She filled her friends in on her communication with the D7 apartment avox, and the plan that was put in place to allow her to look at the files. She told them she barely got back into the kitchen before the medics and peacekeepers arrived to question her about Marcus.

The other three stared at Bliss, mouths agape, eyes wide, in complete shock that she attempted, let alone pulled off the information heist, all while drugged. Bliss allowed herself to feel proud.

"The avoxes could have reported you…" Harlem said, eventually.

"I know. And I appreciate that you're worried. But I don't regret it." Bliss answered.

Affy swatted Harlem. "Enough of that right now, Bliss is a fucking badass!"

"Why did you want to look at the files, Bliss?" Violet asked.

"I wanted… there was a few reasons. I wanted to know why they chose some victors for assignments and not others… Why Afflatus is treated the way she is… The extent of the Capitol's control, and to see if I could find Opal's file. It wasn't there- by the way. It was the only one missing… I just wanted answers, I guess. I'm fucking sick of it all." Bliss said.

"That was incredibly dangerous…" Harlem started.

Bliss looked at him, pointedly.

"But incredibly brave, and generous. I'm proud of you." He said.

Bliss took his hand, and squeezed. It seemed to ease something in Harlem.

"So, I'm assuming nothing else notable happened?" Bliss asked.

The other looked at each other, sharing distraught expressions.

"What?" Bliss asked.

"Buckle up." Afflatus said, before launching into the story about Lustre and Marcus' punishments.