She can do this. She can she can she can! She's been on dozens if not hundreds of dates by now. Dates with beautiful, talented women. Dates with younger and older women, dates with women from every profession and field. If one-night stands with questionable choices counted, the numbers are even higher. So there is, objectively, no reason for her to be as stressed out as she is. There is no reason for her to be so in her head about this, and there is no reason for having spent over an hour this morning choosing an outfit, or another hour now doing her makeup and hair. It was needless, really, this is just a date.
Only… It didn't feel like just a date. She was struggling to find the words, the metaphors, the analogies that could potentially explain this. All Arizona knew was that this didn't feel like a plain old date. She has done her fair share of dating in the past twenty years she's been out of the closet, so she knew in deep in her guy that this was different. Somehow. The only logical conclusion was that the thing which made it so different was none other than Amelia Shepherd. She seemed to make everything different, throwing Arizona for one hell of a loop.
The very same Amelia Shepherd who, for the past 10 minutes, has been pacing back and forth in the hospital parking lot, each time reaching closer to Arizona before retreating. At the very least, Arizona was happy to learn she wasn't the only ball of nerves around here. Still… She should probably do something about this, right? And it was probably a bad omen that Amelia was struggling this much with going on a date with her.
"Okay, here's the thing," Amelia suddenly says while walking steadfastly towards her. But then she gets a startled look on her face and turns on her heel.
They're cute heels, at least, so maybe that should cushion the blow. Amelia had clearly put in the effort to look nice tonight, as if she ever doesn't. She's got a gorgeous pair of knee-high heeled boots on, and jeans that leave verylittle room for the imagination. Her black blouse is quite sheer, showing a lacy bra, and Arizona would personally like to thank whoever is in charge of having the parking lot so well-lit. Amelia's long dark hair falls lusciously down her shoulders, and her stunning blue eyes are pronounced with black eyeliner. All in all, she's a sight for sore eyes, so it's a real shame she keeps walking away.
"Listen," Amelia starts again once she gets close enough, and Arizona has got to laugh.
"Is dating me really so horrible, Shepherd?"
"What? Of course not." Amelia replies, seeming surprised at the question. It does get her to stop pacing, which is a good first step.
"Then what's with the back and forth? Do you want to call this off?" It would hurt, if she does, but at least then Arizona would have a clear answer.
"No! No, of course not." Amelia folds her arms defensively but offers no further information.
"Then… What is it, Shepherd?"
"Okay, I need to say a thing, and I'm just gonna blurt it out, because that's what I do…" She takes a deep breath then, clearly preparing for whatever revelation she thinks is going to push Arizona away. "I'm Hurricane Amelia."
"Wha-" Arizona starts in puzzlement, but Amelia seems to now be on a roll.
"I'm Hurricane Amelia, have been my entire life. I'm a mess. I make a mess of things. I drink and take drugs then go to rehab and every couple of years, the cycle repeats. My family has always treated me like- actually even verbally said I'm the black Shepherd sheep, and I guess I really am. Not as kind, not as smart, not as successful, not as self-assured, not as kept together… I hurt people, and they hurt me, and I ruin everything good. And you… You're something very very good, Arizona, so you should know that I'm going to ruin this."
Wow. Alright then. Arizona's mind starts spinning as she tries to digest Amelia's monologue. But one thing sticks more than all the other words Amelia had said, sparking a neuron in Arizona's brain, as if connecting two dots. The distance between her and Amelia somehow seems shorter than it ever did, and she suddenly feels that there is a true purpose to this. Beyond their undeniable attraction to one another, beyond the comfort she feels around Amelia, beyond the ease with which Amelia's very presence brings her joy, there is some sort of a deeper meaning here that she feels a duty to explore.
"You know," Arizona starts, taking Amelia's soft hands in hers. They've held hands a couple of times before, furtively, making it seem almost accidental or nonconsequential. This was so much nicer. "You remember how you laughed at me, for being named after a boat?"
Amelia laughs at the mention of that, which is fair. Arizona is very willing to be ridiculed if it brings a smile to Amelia's beautiful face.
"Well, I wasn't named after a boat, Amelia. I was named after a battleship. The USS Arizona was the battleship on which my grandfather served, saving nineteen men when Pearl Harbor was bombed, before drowning. My dad has dedicated his entire life to that sacrifice, to honoring that loss and that bravery. He raised me to be a good man in a storm; a person who protects the things and people they care for at all costs. So you might be Hurricane Amelia, but I was raised to endure and to stand strong in a storm. You don't scare me, Shepherd."
Amelia seems to contemplate her response. To mull it over in her head, to digest it. Arizona is more than happy to stand here while she does it, holding Amelia's hands and staring into her blue eyes. She's never really understood the fuss made out of blue-eyed people. She had a pair of her own, and didn't really understand the grand appeal or fame. But she does now, she gets it. Blue eyes can be so incredibly expressive, they can change colors, they can emote a whole universe. For example, Amelia's eyes are altering from a light icy ring now to a darker, almost ominous ocean blue.
"Here's my proposal," Amelia finally says, growing infinitely closer, nearly overwhelming Arizona with the sight of her and smell of her and everything of her. "I don't drink, so I typically prefer not to go on dates that involve alcohol. But I have a really great location in mind, if you trust me."
It might be the intoxicating scent of Amelia's perfume invading her senses talking, but Arizona would likely trust Amelia Shepherd to do quite about anything when she says it with that confident tone and smirk.
"Lead the way."
"Are we there yet?" Arizona asks for the fourth time in all of thirty minutes the drive took.
"You are such a kid, Robbins." Amelia replies for the fourth time. To be fair, commandeering Arizona's car for a spontaneous date adventure wasn't on Amelia's bingo card either, but once she gets an idea in her head it's very hard to stop her. "Wait here," she says when she stops the car, going into Derek's neglected trailer to get some drinks and snacks. She would like to thank herself for stealing his keys a few days ago just out of spite. Rarely do her juvenile impulses pay off, but this seems to be one of those blessed times.
"Are you planning to human-traffic me, Shepherd?" Arizona asks once she gets back into the car with the procured goodies. "Because I'm way too pretty for that. It'll be all over the news, my face will haunt you, I'll be found in days. Then I'll make your life a living hell, you know? I'll never let you live it down. I'll tell everybody you're involved in a human trafficking scheme, they'll revoke your medical license and disband your network of criminals. I-"
"Arizona, shut up!" Amelia yells and laughs all at once. What a creative mind on that Peds surgeon, it really explains why she connects so well with the kids in her department. "We're here."
"I'd also like to mention I'm not a fan of camping, and that my clothes are far too nice for it." Arizona adds when they leave the car, and Amelia must admit she's right. Arizona's wearing a tantalizingly high pair of heeled boots, and her tight dress reveals ample cleavage. She looks stunning, impossibly more than she typically does, and Amelia is sincerely humbled by the effort Arizona had put into her looks tonight.
"Robbins, oh my god, would you just look please?" Amelia asks her, grabbing onto Arizona's shoulders and pointing her towards the breathtaking view of Seattle that can be seen from her brother's property.
"Oh," is all Arizona can say, her eyes finally focusing on the sight before her.
Amelia is thankful for her brother for many reasons. For one, he had literally saved her life when she was five years old. For another, he had become so successful and at such a young age that Amelia had no choice but to enviously attempt to follow in his steps and dedicate her life to outdoing him. Derek's successes, and his constant doubting of her, is something that she is in fact grateful for. Because whatever high she has chased throughout her life, be it through alcohol or drugs or sex with random strangers, none of it ever amounted to the high gotten from accomplishment or professional validation. And yet, at this moment, the thing she is most grateful to her brother for is this piece of land he had purchased in rural Seattle. Because this right here, this look of sheer wonder on Arizona's soulful eyes, she's seen nothing as beautiful as this. Amelia actively begs her brain to memorize this moment, to never ever forget the way Arizona turns to look at her, the smile that graces her face and brings out her sweet dimples. She may dedicate her entire career in neurosurgery to ensuring her brain is stamped with this image.
"What do you think?" Amelia asks, finding herself returning Arizona's brilliant smile.
"I think I'd like to kiss you, please," Arizona says, walking towards her.
"I can accommodate that."
There's something magical about it, really. A sense of magic to the way Arizona's soft palm strokes her cheek before bringing their lips together. A magical feeling in the way her lips touch Amelia's own gently, pecking them again and again and again. There's certainly magic to the way Arizona uses her thumb to pry Amelia's lips open, deepening their kiss and letting her tongue dive into Amelia's waiting mouth. Amelia's arms, on their own accord, wrap around Arizona, trying to bring her as close as physics would allow. They kiss in this magical way for at least a week or two, and for far too little, until a gush of wind reminds them that Seattle isn't the most temperate of locations.
"Come on," Amelia whispers when they eventually break the kiss off with a wet noise, "I've got blankets and snacks."
Taking Arizona's hand, she leads her to the barely built deck of Derek and Meredith's future house, where some chairs are strewn. She hands Arizona a blanket and a beer, and settles down with a blanket and a soda.
"So where are we, exactly?" Arizona asks, bringing her chair closer to Amelia's and wrapping her blanket around the two of them.
"This is Derek's property that he bought when he first moved to Seattle," Amelia explains, "but he's only now starting to build a house here. The trailer you saw earlier was where he lived for the first few years while he and Addison and Meredith were figuring out their twisted love triangle."
"Oh, yes, I've heard all about that," Arizona laughs. "The Seattle Grace rumor mill worked overtime to churn out news about those three."
"It's crazy, you know? Addison and Derek were married for so long and had always seemed like the perfect couple to me. I was so young when they got together, they basically raised me like parents."
"How come?" Arizona asks, and Amelia realizes she had never really told Arizona or anyone around here about her childhood.
"My… My father was killed when I was five," she starts telling the story, and Arizona sets down her drink to hold Amelia's hand. "He was actually killed in front of me and Derek, at his store, all for his stupid watch which he refused to give away. This one," Amelia raises their joint hands, showing Arizona the most prized possession she has. "After that, my family was distraught. All of us. My mom wasn't functioning, and my sisters could barely keep it together. I was so young, I had no idea how to help, and I guess I just made things worse for everyone. They were all so much older than me, and suddenly found themselves needing to parent a five-year-old kid while also dealing with their own grief and with my mother's breakdowns. Anyway, when Addison came along, things got better for me. I finally felt like I'm loved by someone who wasn't forced to do so."
Amelia's not all too sure why she shared all of this. She's actually not even sure she's ever said that out loud to anyone, let alone someone she had known for such a short time. But Arizona Robbins wasn't just anyone. She was the person Amelia had spent the past few months chasing, whether consciously or not. The person whose smile and laughter has come to dominate Amelia's dreams lately. She was the person because of whom Amelia was considering revealing parts of herself nobody but her and maybe Addison knew. Parts that Amelia was previously determined to hide, because she didn't want to force yet another disappointment down her family's throat.
"My brother…" Arizona starts after a moment of silence, but then seems to be choked up. Amelia turns to her more fully, and wipes the tear that falls silently from Arizona's eye. "My brother died in service. He wanted to follow in my father and grandfather's footsteps, and talked about becoming a Ranger ever since we were little. He raised me, too, like Derek and Addison did with you, but it was because my parents were so engrossed in their military careers. We moved around every couple of years, so sometimes it was hard for me to make new friends. But he always magically managed to, you know? Every place we landed, he managed in an instant to become the most popular kid. And he wanted to make sure I was doing well, and that I'm protected, so he would sometimes walk outside my classroom and yell 'Marco' and I would reply 'Polo' and everybody knew I was his little sister. Sometimes 'Polo' was the only word I said all day. I felt so lost when he was gone, because suddenly I was left to my own devices. There was nobody to check in with me, or wonder where I was, or yell 'Marco.' I was left without an anchor. What I'm trying to say is… However difficult siblings may be at times, I'm happy for you that you still have them in your life."
"So…" Amelia starts with a smirk, tilting her head to really look at Arizona, "You're a little fucked up too, huh?" Arizona laughs at that, a big hearty laugh, nodding her head and leaning to close the gap between them.
Amelia vows right then and there that she would grow to become the anchor Arizona needs.
"Oh, gosh, I didn't realize how late it is," Arizona says, looking at her phone. It's past midnight, meaning they've been here for over four hours now. It truly didn't feel that way, though, it felt as if no time passed at all.
Amelia's idea to bring them here turned out to be brilliant, and Arizona could not picture a better first date. Despite the somewhat overly emotional start of the evening, they managed to turn it into hours of laughter and anecdotes, sharing stories from their time at Hopkins and rumors they've picked up on around the hospital over the past few months. Truthfully, Arizona was ecstatic with all she had learned about Amelia tonight, with getting to spend these hours with her away from the watchful eyes at Seattle Grace. This time with Amelia revealed to her that what she had denied all along was true – her and Amelia fit. They could be a good idea.
"I have a solution, if you're up for it," Amelia says when they pack things up, "I do have the keys to the trailer… It's right there."
"Umm…" Arizona stutters, because she honestly doesn't know whether she should agree or not.
"I literally mean just for sleep; I know Callie set ground rules." Callie, right! God, Arizona feels horrible for having completely forgotten the context of this evening. There are rules, and they're in place for a reason. She's only supposed to be testing the water on this date, not to plunge right in. She's supposed to be choosing, taking the time to draw comparisons. But she couldn't do any of that tonight, because all she had focused on was how much fun she was having with Amelia, how goofy it was to hit tiny rocks with Derek's expensive golf clubs, how adorable Amelia was when she hung like a monkey from the bare wood railings that would one day become a house. It was so hard to compare this night to the adult ordered dates she has had with Callie, dinners and movies and kisses goodbye in the car at a proper hour.
"Yes," she finds herself replying, because she cannot bear the thought of this night ever ending. The wide smile spreading across Amelia's face lets her know she answered wisely.
The trailer is quite nice, really, even though it was the last place she imagined herself ending up tonight. Amelia and she had never before shared a real bed, so however crammed it is here, it's an upgrade from on-call rooms and hushed tones.
"Woah, woah!" Arizona yelps, suddenly realizing Amelia has started stripping her clothes.
"What?" She asks innocently, her abs and cute belly button and very lovely lace bra on full display.
"You're… You're taking your clothes off." Arizona says dumbly, highly conscious of the fact she's staring and potentially drooling.
"Did you plan on sleeping in boots and a dress, Robbins?" Amelia asks with a smirk, unzipping her tight jeans after she had removed her own boots.
"Stop, stop!" Arizona yells, reaching her hands to stop the descent of Amelia's jeans. "This is a bad idea."
"I'm sure you've seen naked women before, Arizona."
"I have, yes, and typically that was seconds before I had sex with them."
"Well," Amelia starts, and the damn brat actually manipulates Arizona's hands to help her remove the jeans, "we're doing none of that tonight."
Aren't we? Arizona is having serious thoughts about saying to hell with the rules.
"Alright, alright," she concedes, because eventually two can play this game, and she's confident enough to admit she's got something very nice going for her under her dress.
Looking right at Amelia, Arizona unzips her leather boots and sets them aside. Next, she reaches for the bottom of her dress and makes sure Amelia looks while she peels it off slowly.
"Shut up," Amelia says with a hitch of breath.
"What?" Arizona asks with as much faux innocence she can muster. She knows what. She has a very carefully picked set of lingerie on, consisting of a pale blue corset and frilly underwear. Now that she thinks of it, the set's color matches Amelia's eyes almost perfectly. Freud would love this.
"How sold are we on the idea of sex being off the table?" Amelia asks, and must have decided to up the ante, because in the next moment she reaches behind her to undo her bra and lets it fall at her feet with one sultry look on her face.
"Very," Arizona responds, not willing to let the young Shepherd rattle her. "Help me?" She asks, turning to allow Amelia a view of her backside and access to the many clasps of her corset.
"This is torture, Ari," Amelia whispers at her ear as her nimble fingers undo one clasp after another. Ari. Nobody has ever called her that… People have called her Arizona, Zona, Robbins, princess… Nobody called her Ari. She loves it more than she cares to admit, to have a nickname bestowed on her by Amelia.
"Get in bed, Shepherd," she commands in return, walking towards the bed without a glance back. Realizing by the lack of footstep sounds that Amelia is stuck in place, she decides she may as well give a bit of a show. Crawling slowly onto the bed, Arizona ensures her rear is on torturous display, swaying as she gets on her knees and pulls the sheets back. Getting inside, she finally settles and turns, risking a look at Amelia's stupefied face. "Cat got your tongue?"
"I think I'm having a stroke," Amelia says, scratching her head dumbly. If she weren't standing there in her tiny thong alone, Arizona would have even laughed at that. But there Amelia was, stunning and all but naked.
"Come here," Arizona asks, reaching her hand out. Amelia does as asked, which is a very good sign for things to come, and finally crawls into bed next to Arizona.
"I had an amazing time tonight, Ari," Amelia tells her quietly, suddenly seeming more shy than she had been all night.
"Me too, Shepherd."
"Can I at least kiss you?" Amelia asks, reaching to brush aside the hair that fell across Arizona's eye.
"I thought you'd never ask."
It feels different, this way. Kissing Amelia in a bed, with their bare skin touching, with their nipples hardening against one another, with Amelia's shapely leg moving between hers. Kissing this way, with such privacy too, inevitably makes both of them vocalize just how lovely it is to be kissing – with moans and soft sighs wallowed by the other's hungry mouth. It feels almost obnoxiously good, and right, and seductive. It's too much.
"We should stop," Arizona says, right before diving back in. Amelia's lips are all too addictive, calling for her, practically begging to be devoured.
"Let's go to sleep," Amelia says at last, her lips pink and swollen. Taking matters into her own hands, she turns around and pulls Arizona's arm around her, lacing their fingers together. "I'm not gonna be able to stop if we continue, and I'm very persuasive, so you wouldn't be able to stop either."
She's not wrong about that. If she's anything at all, Amelia Shepherd is persuasive.
"Goodnight, Shepherd," Arizona whispers, kissing Amelia's bare shoulder.
"I make no guarantees about how much self-control I'll have in the morning."
It cannot come fast enough, Arizona thinks, before falling into blissful sleep.