[A/N: Some of the dialogue in this is borrowed from the visit to Madame Malkin's in Book 6.]

A few days later, Sirius took the Grangers and Harry to Diagon Alley. The Leaky Cauldron was a sketchy, dim place, but they'd taken Ted's advice about covering up Harry and Sirius's hair and managed to sneak through without being mobbed by well-wishers. The Grangers were still a little sceptical of Harry's fame, at least until two different people stopped them in the street to shake Harry's hand. Several more seemed interested in doing so, but were put off when they recognised the formerly feared Sirius Black.

Sirius insisted on providing galleons for the Grangers because the goblins had a terrible exchange rate for muggle pounds, so Isaac insisted he reduce the payment for their house by that same amount to make up for it. Sirius agreed, then looked sheepish when Miranda said he'd better not "forget" to do that.

Getting the children's wands went reasonably well, though everyone agreed they would have preferred it if Harry's wand hadn't had a connection to Tommy. Harry insisted that phoenixes sounded awesome, though, and that he was going to do even better things with his wand to make up for what the other had done.

Sirius suggested they get robes for the children next, followed by lunch and the rest of the school supply stops. His reasoning, which the Grangers found solid and Harry found amusing, was that Hermione would need enough time in the bookshop that it would ensure their robes would be ready by the time they finished.

Madame Malkin's had some ready-to-wear outerwear, like weatherproof cloaks or chameleon-skin gloves that changed their colours to match whatever you were wearing, but most of the clothing turned out to be bespoke. Clerks took Harry, Isaac, and Sirius to the men's fitting section, while Miranda and Hermione went to the women's side.

Miranda sat down on a convenient stool while Hermione stood between several mirrors to be measured. Just to her left, a young woman with shoulder-length, wavy black hair was already in the process of getting measured and smiled broadly as Hermione stepped up for her own measurements.

"Hullo, dear," the woman said. "Are you starting Hogwarts soon?"

"Not as soon as I'd like." The girl raised her arms to allow a magical floating tape measure to measure them. "I was born in September, so I have to wait another year before I can go."

"I understand," the woman said. "Is this your first time in Diagon Alley?"

"Yes, it is, and we love it so far," Hermione said. "Everything's just so interesting! I can't wait to learn more about it all."

"I'm glad you like it so much. By the way, I'm Hestia Jones."

"It's lovely to meet you. I'm Hermione Granger, and that's my mother Miranda."

Hestia looked back over her shoulder and smiled at Miranda. "It's so nice to meet you."

As the fitting continued, Hermione asked her, "What brings you in for new clothes? You've probably guessed I'm here for my Hogwarts robes."

"I'm starting my own business," Hestia said. "I've been working for the Ministry for the last five years or so since I graduated, but I've always wanted to go into home warding and curse-breaking. None of the fancy stuff like Gringotts curse-breakers do in old tombs or anything, but just things like boggart or doxie removal. I'll need some good protective clothing for it and, if there's nothing else I've learnt from Gilderoy Lockhart's books, it's that one needs to look the part."

"That sounds fascinating," Hermione said. "What are boggarts and doxies, and who's Gilderoy Lockhart? What kind of wards do you create? Do you need special stones to place the wards? What about—"

"One at a time, please!" Hestia laughed. "My goodness, you weren't kidding about wanting to learn more, were you? I'm afraid I can't fit an entire's year's worth of Defence Against the Dark Arts into this conversation, but boggarts and—"

"Are you," said a stunning blonde woman as she walked out of a changing room, "still talking to it?" She sighed. "We have enough mudbloods running around without people like you encouraging them."

The two shopgirls gasped and Hestia's eyes narrowed, but Hermione and her mother could only share a confused look.

"A girl with a mind like that," Hestia said, "deserves all of the encouragement. How dare you use that slur in public?"

The blonde woman shrugged. "You might as well encourage your crup to study Arithmancy for all the good it will do."

"It's OK, Ms. Jones," Hermione said. "Mother has always told me that bigots of all stripes aren't worth worrying about. I mean, this woman's inherited wealth is keeping her afloat now, but with a mind that small and a love of luxury, I'm sure her family will soon end up a footnote in history just like all of the other old families on this island that mistook inheritance for competence."

The blonde woman turned to Miranda. "You'd best take your whelp home by its scruff, bitch, before someone decides you both need to sleep."

"Not on my watch." Hestia's voice was quiet, but her eyes burned.

"Ironic," Miranda said, "that you're the one using dog metaphors, Madame, given the types of fleas your husband probably brings home to you from the…kennels he frequents."

"Scum," the blonde woman hissed, then pointed at Hestia. "It's adorable that you think you're ever going to have a career. A few words from me will ensure you spend your days a penniless wretch, blood traitor. As for the rest of you, cancel my order. I'm going to Twilfit and Tattings where they have higher standards."

The woman stormed out.

"Good riddance," one of the shopgirls muttered.

A moment later, the blonde woman shrieked the word, "You!", and Hermione, Miranda, and Hestia hurried out to see what had happened.

Harry took his place on a small stool between some mirrors to get measured. Next to him, a blonde boy with slicked-back hair was already being measured and looked bored by the whole affair. He turned his head, took in Harry's clothes, and sneered.

"Another mudblood? Hogwarts standards just keep slipping," he said.

The shopgirls gasped, but Harry just raised his eyebrows. "And I suppose you'll bring the average up?" he asked.

"Of course I will," the boy said. "I'm the Malfoy heir and the heir to the House of Black. You're lucky you're even talking to me."

"You're quite the heir, then," Harry said.

Isaac glared at the boys. "Why is Harry putting up with this?"

"Relax," Sirius whispered. "I've seen him defend Hermione from bullies after school. He's got this."

"Hermione has bullies?" Isaac asked.

"Not anymore." Sirius grinned.

"Yes, I am." The boy preened. "My name is Malfoy. Draco Malfoy. Perhaps you've heard of me."

"I'm still new to all of this." Harry wracked his brain trying to remember what Sirius had told them about the Malfoys. "So I'll bet your family has a seat on the Wizengamot, right?"

"Well…not as such, no," Draco said.

"Oh, OK." Harry did his best to sound genuinely disappointed. "But I'll bet you have lots of Ministers of Magic in your ancestry, right?"

"Not…um…we…my family prefers to provide its wise counsel to Ministers of Magic rather than get directly involved in politics."

Harry suppressed a smile, which grew more difficult when he realised the shopgirls were suppressing smiles of their own. "Of course." Harry said soothingly.

"You know," Draco changed the subject, "you'll soon find out some wizarding families are much better than others, and I can help you there. You seem sharp for a…child of questionable origins. If you'll do my revisions for me at Hogwarts, I can introduce you to people who will help you find work later for such…better families."

"Hmmm…" Harry pretended to consider it. "Let me get this straight: you want someone you believe to be inferior to you to do your revisions? Do you hate your own marks or something? Either you're lying about thinking I'm inferior or you're just plain mental…and I'm guessing the latter."

He turned around to face Sirius. "Uncle Sirius, you were right about the inbreeding being a problem with some of this lot! From what I can tell, either this boy's parents were too closely related or all of that hair gel is causing brain damage."

Draco's face went bright red with rage before the confusion settled in. "Uncle…Sirius? But…you said you were a mudblood!"

Harry shrugged. "No, you said that. I didn't disagree because I wanted to wind you up and, at the end of the day, I don't care what bigots like you think."

"That's my boy!" Sirius said.

Draco's face went even paler. "You…have a child?"

A gorgeous blonde woman stormed into the fitting rooms. "Come along, Draco," she said. "We're g—you!" she pointed at Sirius and shrieked.

Sirius made a little bow. "Me."

Hermione, Mrs. Granger, Madam Malkin, and a petite, young-ish witch with curves that even Harry noticed hurried into the room.

"Hermione! Miranda!" Sirius bowed again. "I see you've already had the dubious honour of meeting my cousin Narcissa Malfoy."

"Extremely dubious," Hermione muttered.

The other witch made a little eep sound as she seemed to realise she'd wandered into a Black Family Reunion.

"Still playing in the mud, I see," Narcissa said. Harry had to admit the witch recovered her icy composure quickly.

"Oh, by the way," Sirius said, "Bellatrix sends her regards. Well, by 'regards,' I mean she was two cells down from me in Azkaban and regularly screamed about how she was going to eat Lucius's pretty face off of his living body for turning his back on your Dark Lord, but you know how she is."

Narcissa paled, and Harry noticed that all of the wixen in the room flinched at the unfamiliar name. "You…she would never…"

"Cissy, you grew up with her," Sirius said. "You know perfectly well what she would do. Don't worry, though. Nobody can get out of Azkaban." He paused, then looked down at himself. "Oh, wait…"

"That's quite enough!" Narcissa said. "Draco, we're leaving. This establishment has let itself go."

"Wait, mother!" Draco said desperately. "Cousin Sirius…he said this was his son." He gestured at Harry.

Harry smirked. "That's just a turn of phrase," he said, once again carefully not lying. "My birth parents died ten years ago and Sirius is helping to look after me."

Narcissa's eyebrows shot up. "Harry Potter."

"But…but…he doesn't have a scar!" Draco said.

"Sirius fixed it with magic," Harry said. "Don't worry about it, though; you'll learn all about magic at Hogwarts. And if you ask really, really nicely, I'll even help you with your revisions just like you wanted me to."

"You asked for his help with revisions?" Narcissa asked.

"It's not like—"

Harry cut Draco off. "Yeah, it was pretty silly of him, telling me how inferior I am and then asking me for help with his revisions. Definitely proof that Sirius was right about you lot inbreeding, if you ask me. Were you and your husband cousins, too?"

Narcissa drew herself up. "I have never, in all my life, been so insulted. Draco, we're leaving."

"You'll pay for this, Potter," Draco said as he stormed out after her.

"That's no way to get me to help you with your revisions," Harry called after him.

After they left, Hermione charged through the stunned silence of the shopgirls, threw her arms around Harry, and hugged him tightly. "That was wonderful!" she said. "That's even better than what you did to Arnold Eastman!"

Sirius started laughing, which drew odd looks from Hermione's parents. Harry had long ago grown used to having an overprotective god/dogfather following him around and took it in stride.

Madam Malkin cleared her throat. "As proprietress, please accept my humble apologies for how Madame Malfoy treated you all. I expect all of my guests to behave with decorum in my store and there's no excuse for throwing that slur around."

"Thank you," Hermione said, "but it's alright. We don't let bullies like that get under our skin at school and we certainly won't let them, either. However, I think this does present a problem and Sirius may be able to help."

Sirius instantly stood straighter. "What can I do?"

Hermione gestured to the other witch, who seemed to be trying to blend into the wallpaper. "This is Hestia Jones. She was absolutely lovely to me and defended me from Mrs. Malfoy, so Mrs. Malfoy threatened to ruin her new freelance career as a curse-breaker and warder. I don't want to let that woman win, and didn't you say you wanted to set up some wards?"

"Yes, I did!" Sirius turned to Hestia and held out a hand. "Ms. Jones?"

"Um…yes?" The witch tensed and held out a hand for a handshake, but Sirius bent over it, gently turned it over so her knuckles were facing up, and almost, but not quite, kissed it.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Sirius said, ignoring the blush spreading across her face. "As the Lord Black, I have a property I need heavily warded…and, now that I think about it, another property that's probably in desperate need of a curse-breaker. Or a team of curse-breakers. Or possibly a large bomb. I'll defer to your professional opinion on that one. Anyway, I'll need to see your credentials and check your references to confirm you'll be able to handle the job, but assuming you are, I'd be honoured to hire you."

"Oh, thank you!" Hestia said. "I was Head Girl in Hogwarts, so I'm sure Professors Dumbledore and Sprout would be willing to act as references for me. I'd worked so hard to set this business up and I was worried I was going to lose it all because of that awful woman. Wait, I'm sorry, she's your cousin, I shouldn't have—"

Sirius waved her off. "Not at all. I mean, her sister is Bellatrix. She makes Narcissa look like a saint and Narcissa is objectively terrible."

All of the other wixen in the room flinched again, so Harry had to ask. "Um…who's Bellatrix?"

"Narcissa's older sister and the worst of the Death Eaters," Sirius said, "and that is not a low bar. I was almost as scared fighting her as I was her master."

"I heard stories," Hestia said, then blushed at the attention when everyone else turned toward her. "I think you knew my cousin Benjy."

Sirius's face dropped. "I did. I'm so sorry, Ms. Jones. Benjy was a fine wizard and I was honoured to fight at his side."

"Call me Hestia, please, Lord Black," Hestia said.

"Of course, but only if you call me Sirius," he said.

"Ms. Jones…Hestia," Miranda said, "I don't want to keep everyone here from helping other customers. Would you like to come over to our house for supper tonight to continue this conversation?"

"That would be lovely, thank you," Hestia said. "Um…are you muggles? It's fine if you are, but I've never been to a muggle home before and I'm not sure what to bring."

"Don't worry about it," Isaac said. "Just bring yourself. We'll take care of the rest. Oh, and please don't cast any spells near the television. We've already lost one."

Sirius blushed. "I'm really sorry about that, by the way."

"Of course!" Hestia paused. "Um…you'll need to show me what that is first, though. I've never seen one."

"Movie night?" Harry asked excitedly.

Hermione nodded. "Movie night."

"Star Wars?" Harry asked.

Hermione shook her head. "Too hard to explain. Raiders of the Lost Ark?"

"I think that'd be even harder. Holy Grail?"

Hermione switched into Graham Chapman's perfect RP accent. "I'm sorry, but that's just too silly!"

Harry grinned.

"How about Princess Bride?" she asked.

"That'll be perfect," Harry said. He turned back to the adults. "It's settled. We're having her over to watch The Princess Bride."

"Well, then," Miranda said, bemused, "we're apparently having you over for a movie, Hestia. I do hope you didn't have other plans this evening."

"Nothing remotely this interesting," Hestia said sincerely.

After they all paid for their purchases, Sirius explained to Hestia that they'd floo to his flat and the Grangers would drive them to their home. Her hands were trembling a little by this point, so Miranda said she needed to visit the loo and asked if Hestia would like to accompany her. The younger woman latched onto that offer like a lifeline and hurried off with her.

Once the door was safely closed, Miranda leaned back against the sinks in what she hoped was an open, non-threatening manner. "Is everything alright, Hestia?"

"I'm absolutely fine," Hestia said. "I'm about to visit a muggle home for the first time and make a fool of myself in front of one of the most powerful men in the country and possibly the only one who will still employ me. Oh, and the Boy-Who-Lived will be there, too. Why would I not be fine?"

Miranda sighed. "Before I say anything else, we need to clear something up. That is a normal little boy named 'Harry,' not some celebrity the Wizarding World has made up."

"I don't necessarily expect you to know about it," Hestia said, "but I assure you he is a huge celebrity in our world."

"And I assure you the celebrity you think you know is entirely fictional," Miranda said. "The only true thing you know about him is the identity of his parents and that he survived the Killing Curse as a child. Everything else: the castle, the adventures, the world travelling; it's all a lie."

Hestia blinked. "But…the books…"

"The books aren't worth the paper they're printed on," Miranda said. "He's a normal boy with a normal muggle bedroom in a normal muggle house with a normal, if still-unexplained, obsession with pirates."

"Wait…he's been raised as a muggle?" Hestia asked.

Miranda nodded "None of us knew anything about magic until this past year."

"Merlin! I had no idea," Hestia said. "That's…I don't even know where to begin. I had no idea those books were wrong."

"We've kept it quiet to reduce the number of people who know how to find him," Miranda said. "Sirius put up some basic wards around our house, but now that he's back in public again, we agreed that Harry should be better protected."

"You mean I'm going to be warding the house Harry Potter lives in? Oh, Merlin." She paused. "I'm so sorry! It's not that your house isn't important with just you in it, but this would be like a muggle security professional being asked to design the security protocols for a famous sports professional. Footie, I think you call it."

"Harry's that big of a celebrity?" Miranda asked.

"One of our biggest," Hestia said. "I'm…I'm stunned."

Miranda laughed sadly. "And here I was trying to calm you down a bit. Please, though, don't treat him like a celebrity. He's a normal little boy, and he'll grow up happier if he's allowed to grow up like a normal boy."

"You're right," Hestia said. "If you don't mind me saying, I'm happy you took him in. He's probably gotten a much better upbring with you than he would have had if he'd really lived in his own castle like the books say. How in Merlin's name did Professor Dumbledore find out your daughter was a witch at that age, though?"

"That's…not exactly what happened," Miranda said. "I'd rather not talk about it, and it's not really my story to tell. Harry will tell you if and when he's ready."

"Oh." Hestia's face fell. "Is he alright?"

"He's safe and well and loved. That's what matters." Miranda sighed. "Regarding Sirius, I promise you that you don't have to worry about making a fool of yourself in front of Sirius. We had to explain a lot of muggle things to him, too, and he's probably a bigger goofball than the rest of us combined…with the possible exception of Harry. Who, again, is a ten-year-old boy, and comes by that naturally."

"I…just have a hard time wrapping my head around the Lord Black goofing around and learning about muggle things," Hestia said. "I've heard stories of the Blacks and they were a Dark, Dark family, and most of them would rather have eaten muggles for supper than eaten supper with muggles."

"My goodness!" Miranda said. "Sirius mentioned his family were terrible people, but I didn't realise that's what he meant."

"He wasn't overstating that," Hestia said. "To be honest, I'm from a working class Wizarding family. His father or grandfather wouldn't have considered me worthy to be a mistress, much less hired me as a magical professional. I held out my hand to see if he'd even be willing to shake it, and he kissed it!"

"Sirius has a big personality and a good heart," Miranda said. "Don't judge him by the family that threw him out."

"I won't." Hestia took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. "Thank you for talking me down."

"It was no trouble." Miranda gestured to the door. "Shall we rejoin my family? I think we have dinner and a movie to get to."

"So," Isaac said, "how did everyone like the movie?"

"That's my second time seeing it," Sirius said, "and it was somehow even better this time. Not that I'm an expert, but I feel like that makes it a great movie."

Miranda smiled. "It does, indeed. Hestia, how about you?"

The witch conjured herself another handkerchief, blew her nose, and wiped her eyes. "It was amazing. Magnificent. I had no idea muggles could make something like that. I…don't have words."

Harry, who was resting his head on Hermione's shoulder, raised his hand and Hermione high-fived it.

Hestia gestured to them. "And could they be any more adorable?"

"I'm not adorable!" Harry said.

Hermione held up her hand to the side of her mouth toward Harry's body and stage-whispered, "He's very adorable."

"She lies," Harry hissed.

Hestia's laugh was a clear, musical sound. "I can't thank you all enough for inviting me here tonight. Today could have been the worst day of my life, but instead I got to try my first basil pesto sauce, learn how to say 'gnocchi,' and watch my first muggle movie, which turned out to be an absolutely beautiful story. And tomorrow, I start my first freelance warding and curse-breaking job."

"It was our pleasure," Miranda said. "We had a lovely time, too."

Hermione nodded. "Introducing Sirius to movies has been lots of fun, so we thought you'd like it, too. And it means we get to spend a whole day at the magical bookstore later."

Isaac glared at her. "Hermione, we don't use guests as a means to get more books."

"What if it's a win-win scenario?" Hermione asked. "You can't possibly want me to reduce the net gain in the world."

"We didn't get you that book on different schools of ethical thought for you to improve your self-rationalisation attempts, young lady," Isaac said.

"Well," Hestia said, "I think any excuse to get more good books is a good one."

"We only have so much shelf space," Isaac said.

Hestia shrugged. "Some expansion charms and a bit of runework, and we could add a whole library to this house."

Hermione gasped.

"Oh, now you've done it," Miranda said. "Hermione, dear, we can't afford a whole library."

"What if we buy only used books?" Hermione asked.

"Don't worry," Sirius said. "I'll handle this. Hermione, my old house has a large library full of rare books. Once we finish the curse-breaking work, I'll hire Hestia to go through and cull all of the books that would boil your skin off of your body because you're a muggleborn witch or teach you how to do that to someone else, then you can go through them to your heart's content."

Hermione looked torn between excitement and horror.