Chapter 31
Nellie
Somewhere in the Atlantic
April 15, 1912

Nellie was overwhelmed by the amount of fear and panic she was witnessing on deck. She was grateful for Tommy, who led her blindly through tear streaked eyes after running into Jock. They had managed to find a boat, but there was a large crowd surrounding it. One of the officers had a pistol in his hand, waving it about everyone's heads as he demanded order. The boat was filling quickly, but Nellie had yet to see Callen, Isla, or Leana. There were several boats rowing away from the ship, swallowed up by the night's darkness as they escaped the illumination of Titanic. She tried to convince herself that her children were already safe, but she couldn't bring herself to board a lifeboat until she had proof.

"Nellie," you need to get to the front of this crowd," Tommy said. Nellie had been almost hiding behind him, letting his tall and strong stature prevent her from being pushed about by other passengers. Children were screaming and wives were desperately clinging to their husbands as they were separated and put into the boats.

"I can't," she said, her voice quivering. "Not until I know they're safe."

Tommy dragged her in front of him. She knew full well he was stronger, but she fought him anyway.

"Don't be ridiculous!" he cried, wincing as she kicked his shin. "You heard your brother! Callen and Isla were probably the first up to the boat deck. I didn't break down a gate in steerage just for you to refuse to save your own life!"

She stamped on his foot with all of her might, making him start to howl.

"You don't know that," Nellie said, her voice sounding higher and higher as she was no longer able to hide her panic. A man bumped into her, sending her to the ground. People were so overcome by fear that they didn't even notice, stepping on top of her. She let out a scream as someone stepped on her wrist before Tommy was there, bringing her to her feet.

"You need to get in control of yourself," he said, shaking her slightly. "It will be alright. You need to stay calm."

The crowd continued to push in, threatening to separate them from Jack, Rose, and Fabrizio who were a few feet in front.

"You better go check the other side," Jack said to Tommy. "Go!"

Tommy nodded, nudging Fabrizio's shoulder. "Stay with them," he said to Nellie.

"No!" she cried. "I'm coming with you. I've told you already I'm not leaving the ship until I know Callen and Isla are safe."

Tommy stared at her until Fabrizio tugged on his shirt. "We don't have time to argue," Fabrizio said. "Let's go!"

Nellie followed and could feel Tommy's eyes bearing into her as they went to the starboard side. The boats closest to the stern were gone as many passengers feared boarding a lifeboat too close to the flooding water. Nellie looked around wildly, but there was no sign of Callen, Leana, or Isla.

"All of the boats are full!" Fabrizio yelled over his shoulder.

"Head closer to the bow!" Tommy cried. "There's less people that way!"

Tommy, who was faster, was soon in front of Nellie and grabbed her hand, pulling her onward. Nellie did her best to keep up, but her motherly instincts made her stop at every child they came across. At last, they stopped upon seeing a group of men, both passengers and crew, lowering a small lifeboat to the boat deck using oars. It fell to the floor with a crash, one of the benches popping loose. Nellie around and this seemed to be the only boat left. Every passenger was now desperate to board this boat as their last chance of survival.

"Stay close to me, Nellie," Tommy said, pulling her behind him as he made his way to the front of the crowd. "I'll get you on this boat."

"Tommy," she said, her words nearly inaudible through her tears. "I can't–"

"Nellie," Fabrizio said, coming to her side. "Look around you. If your children hadn't been able to board a boat by now, wouldn't they be here with us?"

Nellie looked around and knew he was right. It was mostly men pressing in with only a handful of women. Surely with Isla being a baby that had secured them a spot on a boat. Tommy was right. Since her children weren't here for her to protect, it was time for her to start thinking about her own life.

Just as she thought this, crewmen began pushing back against the crowd, creating a barrier as a well dressed officer barked orders to prepare the boat. It was clear this lifeboat was different than the others she'd seen on deck during the voyage: It was much smaller and looked more flimsy. She looked doubtfully at the black sea and wondered how on earth it would stay afloat. The officer in charge turning to his crew and shouted, "Get these davit's cranked in! Let's get the fuller hooked up!"

"Why won't they let us board?" Fabrizio asked. Tommy and Fabrizio were standing in front of Nellie, blocking her view. She grabbed onto the back of Tommy's lifebelt as she felt people begin to press in on her.

"Stop pushing!"

A few feet away from where they were standing, they heard a splash. So overcome by their fear, the crowd was accidentally pushing those near the edge of the ship into the water which was just a few feet below. Nellie closed her eyes and said a prayer, clinging even more desperately to Tommy.

"Let us on, damn it!" Tommy was crying above the panicked crowd. "We've had enough of waiting! We missed all the previous boats because you locked us below decks!"

Nellie could tell he was about to boil over. He was losing control, his language growing more vulgar with each passing minute.

"Stay back!" the officer cried again.

"Will you give us a chance to live, you limey bastard!" Tommy screamed.

Fear.

Tommy was afraid.

The officer had pulled out a revolver and was waving it into the crowd. "I'll shoot any man who tries to get past me! Get back!"

"Bastard!" Tommy screamed again.

The crowd was so thick that Nellie could only see Tommy's shoulder. She heard a sudden, hushed conversation between the officer and a voice she thought she recognized, but she could only concentrate on keeping her footing and not losing hold of Tommy's lifebelt.

"Women and children only!"

"Now, Nellie!" Fabrizio cried over his shoulder. "Go now before it fills up!"

Just as she was about to do so, A boy slightly older than Callen leapt up from the crowd and onto the boat. The officer fired his revolver, causing Nellie to cry out as the boy fell backwards behind her, blood gushing from his shoulder.

Someone then fell from the ropes used to lower the lifeboats and rammed into Nellie. She was now pushed forward, knocking into Fabrizio while simultaneously pulling Tommy backwards. Another earsplitting shock rang out and Nellie screamed again, hitting the deck and covering her ears. She heard something hit the deck with a thud, causing a momentary silence.

"Fabrizio1"

Tommy nearly shoved Nellie to the side as he fell to his knees. Fabrizio was lying near the feet of the officer, a dark red puddle beginning to grow in the center of his shirt. Tommy tried to hold him upright, but Fabrizio made a strange gurgling sound before blood started oozing from his mouth.

"You bastard!" Tommy cried, trying to stand up with Fabrizio in his arms. "You son of a bitch! Look what you've done!"

Nellie took hold of one of Fabrizio's hands that was dangling, releasing Tommy's grip from him as he tried to lunge at the officer. "You go to hell!" Tommy shouted at the crewmen. The officer was staring blankly at Fabrizio, as if Tommy wasn't even there.

"Hold on, Fabrizio," Nellie said to Fabrizio, stroking his dark hair away from his eyes. "We'll get you onto this boat and get you help! You'll be just fine…"

As she was speaking, she watched Fabrizio grow paler and paler until his face was an ashy gray. His dark eyes grew still and his jaw slackened, his hand falling limp in hers.

He was gone.

"Tommy!" she shrieked.

Tommy stopped advancing towards the officer and immediately came to her side, checking Fabrizio's pulse.

Nellie's eyes were blinded with tears. She truly had not known this man well, but he had risked his life above and below deck trying to get her to safety. And to be killed by a bullet before having the opportunity to save himself… Nellie could feel the anger Tommy had spat at the officer growing inside her as well.

"No, Will!"

A third shot rang out. Tommy threw himself on top of Nellie, flattening them both to the deck floor. They heard a splash and when they looked up, the officer who had killed Fabrizio was gone.

"He's killed himself!" someone in the crowd cried.

Tommy helped Nellie up, pausing upon seeing Fabrizio's body. The crowd was quickly pressing in on the boat once more, this time without an officer to stand in their way. The water from the stern was dangerously close to this last lifeboat and the crewmembers were doing their best to hold everyone back to finish preparing it to be lowered.

Nellie looked at Tommy. The anger from his eyes was gone. The only thing left was hopelessness.