Last time: Sasha became a "guest" on the Bloodstorm.
Now: Sasha reaches her limit.
Chapter 19- I Give Up
Days. Weeks. Months. Sasha wasn't sure anymore how much time had passed since she arrived to the Bloodstorm. She sat in the quarters Cien had given her alone all of those days trying to make heads or tails of everything that happened. There were many nights that she cried herself to sleep as the painful realization that Oppie and Viran were gone. She tried to reach out to them in the Force everyday for a week straight and got… nothing. Their connection was truly gone. Then she gave up trying to reach them. Instead, she tried to stick to that dream of them getting away and living a great life with a great family that looked out for each other. She tried to think about that instead.
And as the days passed that 'false' reality slowly started to fade in her memory. Sasha started to forget some of the memories that came with that dream. Locations, names, and even certain events start to blur. The only things that remained constant in the back of her mind that she told herself to never forget was Viran and her love for him. Oppie and how he taught her so much. Kyr as he always had supposedly made her laugh. Kitsu and Illara looking out for her. Cien being there for her. And most of all her daughter, Lana. She tried to always remember their faces and voices. But after another month of sitting in this room, barely eating and taking care of herself, even those versions of those people started to blur. Only the Oppie and Viran from Vestora and before remained unchanged in her mind. And the name Lana.
She made it her goal to never forget that name. And even when she forgot what that name meant to her, she would find herself absent mindedly caressing her flat stomach as if something was there. Doing that brought her a sense of comfort that she was lacking as more time passed.
However, after another month passed, Sasha finally had enough of being alone. She finally cried all of her tears and had come to peace with her new life. And one morning, she told herself that she would finally tell Cien… she was ready to reconsider.
After four months, Cien had been told by one of the servants that the prisoner, the Jedi, Sasha, wanted to speak with her. She and Kopesh had been kept somewhat busy during that time running errands and performing missions for their Master, and working with Jiardon to slowly build up a plan to usurp control of the Empire. The holocron, apparently, had not delivered the swift victory that Dracul had hoped for.
She almost pressed the button to open the door, before thinking better of it and hitting the chime to ask Sasha for permission to enter. The door suddenly slid open in response, but Sasha wasn't there. She must have used the Force to open the door. She was sitting on the edge of the bed in the room with her hands in her lap. She looked paler and thinner from not having left her room in months. Slowly, she raised her head to look at Cien.
"Hello," Sasha said, her voice barely over a whisper and scratchy as she hadn't talked to much of anyone in four months.
Cien looked at the broken Jedi for a moment, saying nothing. This was, generally, the protocol for handling Jedi prisoners. Starve them, destroy them mentally, and destroy their souls so that they could be turned to the Darkside, or kill them if they stubbornly refused to fall. A fallen Jedi was another Sith to add to the order, and a better propaganda tool than any other in their ongoing war that spanned millenia. Usually it was part of a carefully orchestrated dance of warden and prisoner. Rarely did the opportunity arise that the prisoner did it to themself. And looking at the gaunt, pale, destroyed figure before her that radiated only grief and pain, Cien knew she had been right. Sasha would never have fallen because of torture of the body, or torture of the mind under someone elses hand. She would have stubbornly held out to the last under those circumstances, or given up and waited until it came to an inevitable end.
The pain she carried with her, and would stubbornly refuse to give up would be her undoing, and a far, far more exquisite torture than any implement in she ships interrogation rooms could be. Let her wallow in her lost life, both from that dream and from the time she had spent on the run from the Empire. Until she destroyed herself, as she had. Until she reached out to the only hand of friendship left to her, as she had. And she would gladly fall to the darkness, instead of stubbornly holding on to the light out of spite.
"Hello, Sasha." Cien replied after a moment, probably some of the first few words she had heard these past months. And it was important they had a slight note of understanding, of… friendship. "You asked to see me?" Cien asked.
"Yes," Sasha admitted. "I…" She hesitated for a second. "I think I am done… being alone." She said brokenly.
Cien looked around the spartan suite that had been left mostly untouched except for the bed. There were no decorations, nothing that gave this room any identity or heart. A proper acolytes quarters, though. There was a glass pitcher of half melted ice water with two glasses next to it that looked like they had been replaced in the morning, as per services from the ships servants, but untouched. They had been instructed to make sure that Sasha had glassware available to her, rather than other, more durable implements. There was a part of Cien that was glad Sasha had not taken broken glass as an opportunity to escape on her own terms. Cien walked over and poured a glass, and turned to walk across the space that separated the small kitchenette from the bed, where Sasha was. She offered Sasha the glass of cool, clear water.
Sasha stared at the glass for a moment. She understood what it would mean to take it, but her parched throat begged for the water. Reaching out with a shaky, pale hand to grab the glass. Raising the glass to her lips, Sasha took a sip of the water, coughing slightly for a moment. She then took a bigger gulp of water, downing the glass. Setting it aside, she panted, out of breath.
"Thank you," Sasha said after a moment of clearing her throat. It was still scratchy, but sounded clearer than before.
Cien nodded. "What is it you wish?" She asked.
Sasha was silent for a moment. "I… I'' she swallowed as if bile was creeping up her throat as she was about to admit this. But there was nothing in her stomach.
"Do you wish to have the power to end the Empire?" Cien suggested, seeing the last bit of reluctance, and gently prying on the crack in the last bit of the girl's armor that protected the light. "To end their tyranny over the galaxy?" She suggested quietly.
"Yes," Sasha breathed out, "yes…"
Cien nodded. "I can show you how to unlock that power. Together, you and I can end the Empires reign, and perhaps..." there was a pause as Cien stopped, apparently considering her words, waiting for Sasha to ask what that perhaps might be.
"And end Dracul and rule it ourselves?" Sasha guessed as if the answer was obvious. "Is that what you were going to say?"
"Yes." Cien said, pleasantly surprised by the girl's viciousness. "Together, we may be strong enough to defeat Dracul. And the galaxy would be left to us, to rule as we see fit."
Sasha looked down and sighed, but it looked more like a shudder. "Then to answer your question… yes. I will be willing to join you," she said as if the light and Jedi side of her that made her who she was, slipped into the darkness. It was still there on the edges of her mind like her memories of Viran and Oppie were, but so was that name Lana too. However, admitting she was going to do that she still felt like she was going to be sick.
Cien tried to hide any sense or cue of the feeling of triumph that she felt. "This is not a difference of the light or the dark, Sasha." She said, trying to shore up what was left of her after the fall. "This is just taking steps down a different path than you were expecting." Cien said, quietly. "You considered me a friend once, a sister once, and perhaps it may yet be so again. But what has happened does not matter anymore. You are born anew today. All that matters is what may yet be."
"I understand," Sasha said after a second. "But I don't know what to do anymore. And that… that other life was a dream. I barely remember it now. And my actual life is over. I'm ready to move on," she admitted. "I am ready to learn from you."
"And I am ready to teach you." Cien replied, as she accepted this new Acolyte into the fold.
Sasha just nodded at that.
"Come with me." Cien gently ordered. "I have an assignment to carry out in another few days, and you must rebuild your strength if you are to accompany me."
"Where are we going?" Sasha asked as she carefully stood, swaying as she hasn't stood much in the last few months except for using the refresher, but she would lose balance even then. Her head spun as she tilted to the side about to fall.
Cien stepped forward, hiding a grimace of disgust as the girl needed help. This would be the one and only time she would help her through such an apparent display of weakness, just to ensure that this new acolyte wouldn't grievously injure herself just in Cien's moment of triumph. Sasha looked as Cien helped her.
"Sorry," she apologized. "And thanks. I won't tell anyone about this." Sasha added as a promise as if she sensed Cien's thoughts on the matter.
"That will be the last time I can help you in that way." Cien said as Sasha recovered. "You cannot show weakness, not of the body or the mind once you leave this room. The soldiers will not fear you. Kopesh will not see you as a worrisome adversary, and Dracul…. Will be disappointed."
"I understand," Sasha said with a nod.
Cien stepped away. "I can take you to the medbay for treatment, and then we can go to the acolyte's dining hall after if you wish to eat." The girl was so gaunt she might have to be careful about controlling her caloric intake for a few days.
Sasha nodded. "That sounds good. I am a little hungry," she said lightly before pushing it away.
"Come with me." Cien said, as she turned to the door leading out of the quarters.
Sasha did as she was asked and followed Cien at a slower pace. She tried to walk with an aura of confidence, but her poor body barely gave her enough strength to stand up straight as she walked. Cien kept her pace slow and steady so the girl could keep up. They found the turbolift and Cien pressed the control, clasping her hands in her dark robes after. "You are now one of the acolytes aboard this ship. Everyone you meet will and must defer to you. The only ones who are your peers are myself and Kopesh, and Kopesh will challenge you. Dracul is above us all, and you must obey his every whim. Until you and Kopesh sort out the status between you, watch yourself. He is a weakling. He is below you. But until you are feeling up to defeating him, he will try to press his advantage."
"I understand," Sasha said, keeping her gaze forward. "He doesn't seem very bright." She observed.
Cien smirked darkly at that observation. "He is not, but he can surprise you, do not make the mistake of underestimating him, or any enemy you will ever face."
"I won't," Sasha said.
The door opened and Cien stepped out. Sith troopers who had been waiting at the turbolift stepped aside , and Cien walked past without any thought for them. Sasha didn't glance at them as she passed them as she kept her gaze forward. They walked through the corridors, down a dizzying maze as they made their way through the ship. Cien finally stopped at a slightly oversized door and stepped through. There the medical bay staff looked up at them, and one doctor, a species Sasha didn't recognize, dropped what they were doing and approached.
"Lady Cien, to what do we owe the honor of your presence?" They asked.
"This is the ship's new acolyte." Cien informed them coldly, "she requires treatment."
The doctor looked at Sasha and nodded. "If you will follow me, acolyte." They gestured towards a suite of rooms that seemed more luxuriously appointed than the other medbays that could be seen beyond other doors.
Sasha nodded and followed the doctor to the suite. There was a single bed in the privacy of an austere room, with a glowing red display panel that was awaiting a patient to output the readouts of various sensors. Cien led Sasha in and stepped to the side while the doctor led her to the bed. She gestured to it as she headed over to a series of cabinets. Sasha walked forward and weakly pulled herself up onto the bed. The doctor grabbed a tray that had bacta on it as well as few other vials that were clearly labeled to help with the malnourishment that she had suffered as if this was a common thing to have on hand. Quietly, the doctor administered the medication to Sasha. Starting with a vial of bacta.
Zherries.
The word rung in her head as if she expected the bacta vial to contain a flavor, but none came. It was just plain bacta. After a few minutes, she started feeling better as the medicine kicked in.
"How do you feel?" The doctor asked.
"Better," Sasha said. She swallowed on the words 'thank you' as she heard Cien's words in her head about being above the others on this ship.
"Excellent," the doctor said simply.
"Will she require any further treatment?" Cien asked coldly.
"She will only require a regular diet to gain her strength back now," the doctor informed her. "However, she will need to come back here daily for constant check ups to make sure progress is being made and for medication to help with getting nutrients back in her system." She looked at Sasha. "If you experience any complications, come see me and I will assist you."
"Okay," Sasha said, simply.
"You will share none of this with anyone else aboard the ship." Cien said to the doctor, the threat evident in her voice.
"Of course, my lady," the doctor said with a bow. "I understand how this works. No information I learn here ever leaves."
Cien stared at the doctor for a moment before nodding. "Come with me." She said to Sasha before turning to exit.
Sasha looked at Cien as she walked away and then at the doctor. "Thank you," she whispered quietly to the doctor before climbing off the bed and following after Cien.
The doctor looked after her trying to suppress a look of surprise as they left the room.
Cien led her out the corridor and back to the bank of turbolifts that serviced this section of the Bloodstorm. She keyed the controls again as Sasha fell in place behind her, and then hid her hands in her robes as she waited for it to arrive. They rode in silence until they arrived back at the Acolytes level, and Cien led her forward until they arrived at the dining hall. It was built to accommodate many acolytes, but it was just the two of them. Cien led her to the end of the long table that dominated the hall, taking a seat at the head, and gesturing for Sasha to take the seat at her right hand.
Sasha sat down at the appointed seat at the table, looking around the large room. "Has Dracul ever had more acolytes than just two?" She asked after a long silence as she stared at the empty seats.
"I do not know." Cien admitted. "This ship was built for the Empire as a flagship, and Dracul claimed it as his own. But it kept the trappings of having been designed for several lords and their acolytes." She said, assuming the girl was asking about the empty seats around them. "But Dracul once told me that he has had fifty-six acolytes before me. Whether it was one at a time or more I do not know."
"I see," Sasha said looking from the chairs to her. "So if you are his fifty-sixth, does that make Kopesh his fifty-fifth or fifty-seventh?"
"Fifty-seventh." Cien said, "Kopesh was brought in less than a year after I was. It took me some time to determine that Dracul did not see him as a replacement for me, only as a disposable dog to do his bidding."
"And what will Dracul think of me now that I have… made my choice?" Sasha asked, looking away.
"I am not certain." Cien stated with no preamble. "I believe he will see you as a valuable Acolyte, however. He spoke with me some time ago and was curious about your gifts."
"My gifts? You mean my connection with the Force and how it allowed me to create a false reality?" Sasha asked. "I have always known I had a stronger connection than…" she hesitated on their names before taking a deep breath, "them. But I am curious what I can do with it."
"What I already taught you in our shared experience." Cien said, "and much more." She said evasively. "In time it will make you more powerful than you can imagine." Cien went silent as servants quietly brought in a meal, nothing elaborate, but nothing austere either. A nutritious meal of some kind of roasted avian, a starch and vegetables. All spiced in the manner of the Sith, though Sasha's was slightly more bland.
"Eat, regain your strength." Cien ordered.
Sasha picked up her fork and grabbed a small morsel of food. She took a bite and immediately tried to suppress a cough at the spice despite the minimal amount they put on it. It was way too much than what she was used to, but she tried to not show weakness. She ate as much as she could before she had to stop as her mouth was on fire from the spices and sweat was beading on her forehead. She took a long and careful swig of water.
The doors opened at the far end of the hall, and Cien's visage darkened, seeing Kopesh saunter in.
"Well, what a pleasant surprise to run into the two of you here. And your little pet, she looks well." Kopesh said with a sneer.
"Leave us." Cien ordered.
Kopesh settled down in the chair across from Sasha and ignored Cien. "So how are you settling in little Jedi?" He asked Sasha.
Sasha looked up at him with a blank expression before looking back down to her food. She didn't answer him.
Cien watched it play out with nothing but an annoyed expression on her face.
"Answer me." Kopesh said, leaning forward.
But Sasha didn't. She just tried her best to ignore him.
Kopesh lashed out with the Force and sent her plate flying off to the side as he swept his hand along and he stood. "You were told to speak, pet."
"Do not call me that," Sasha said calmly as she was silently grateful that her spicy food was now all over the table and floor. However, she wiped her hands down her shirt trying to remove the bits of food that fell on it.
"It's what you are." Kopesh said, seething and sneering at her.
"She is an Acolyte." Cien stated calmly.
Kopesh looked over at her. "A lofty title for this pathetic wretch." He said as he gestured at her dismissively.
Sasha clenched her hands into fists under the table, trying not to flinch at that statement. "You're one to talk," she said quietly.
"What was that?" Kopesh sneered at her, puffing his muscular physique up as he towered over her.
"You heard me," Sasha said, surprisingly confident as she looked up at Kopesh. But under the table, her nails dug into her palms as she tried to control her nervousness around him.
"You scum." Kopesh said, drawing his hand back as if to backhand her.
"There is only one person aboard the ship who may dole out such judgment." Cien said, as if she was bored and unimpressed with the display. "Do you want to explain to him why you attacked his newest acolyte?" She asked with one of her eyebrows raised.
Kopesh looked at Cien with disgust as he relaxed his arm slightly. Then looked back at Sasha, "I apologize, Acolyte…. What is your name?" He asked, in a sneering parody of politeness.
"Sasha," she said simply as she again tried not to flinch when he had almost backhanded her.
He looked at her with a piqued eye brow. "Darth Sasha, truly a name to strike fear into your enemies." He said in a mocking tone.
"It is the only name I have. I hadn't thought of another," Sasha admitted. "Yet."
"In Ancient Sith, her name means 'blade of light', which you might know if you had ever read a book." Cien said archly towards Kopesh. "Her name literally means lightsaber, as opposed to yours which translates to the rear end of a beast of burden." She finished as she took a drink of water.
Kopesh seethed at her, which twisted into a disgusting smirk. "And I'm sure your name means insolent wretch."
"No, it means 'Shadow'." Cien corrected him, fixing him with a deathly glare, the likes of which he had never seen before.
He recoiled ever so slightly from her look.
Sasha looked at Cien on that as a memory from that false reality flashed through her mind. Spirit of the Sun. It also means spirit. But she didn't say anything as she shook the thought away. "Then should I change my name if it means lightsaber? That feels like kind of a strange meaning?" And a very fitting one at that as her life used to be so drenched in light. But not anymore.
"If you so choose." Cien said, ignoring Kopesh.
"I'll think about it," Sasha said after a moment.
Kopesh looked between them with a roll of his eyes. "How cute, you two are almost like sisters gossiping over dinner." He said. "I am going down to the soldiers' mess for more entertaining conversation since this was not nearly as fun as I'd hoped." He glanced at Sasha lavaciously, "though if you want to have some fun later, come seek me out." He said as he turned and sauntered towards the room's exit.
Sasha released a shaky breath as soon as he was gone. "He is a pig," she said "A shabuir." she cursed before blinking, trying to think where that came from. She recognized the word as if she had said it before, but where she couldn't recall.
"A what?" Cien looked at her with a furrowed brow.
"It pretty much means he is an ass," Sasha translated. "I... I heard it once before."
Cien looked at her with a furrowed brow before dismissing it. "It is tradition for some to change their name, you may if you wish. Some use it as a way to cast off their past as they are reborn."
"I see," Sasha said looking down. "But what would be my name? I don't know what would work."
"The master that trained me gave me my name as I cast off my original." Cien said, "some just shorten their names. Others pick completely different names. The two 'Sith' of this time," she said, rolling her eyes with the thought, "picked different names I suspect because 'Sheev' and 'Anakin' are not the kind of names to strike fear into those around them." She said in dark mockery.
"Anakin?" Sasha asked, looking up in shock. "What do you mean? As in Anakin Skywalker?"
"Yes. He now goes by..." Cien paused, thinking, "Vader, I think." She said, taking a dismissive drink of water. A servant came into the room and put a new plate of food down in front of Sasha, this one even more bland than the last, and quietly started trying to clean up the mess that Kopesh had left.
Sasha looked down at the food as her heart thudded in her chest as it settled in her mind. The one the Jedi saw as the Chosen One became… Vader? That means he must have participated in 66 and killed fellow Jedi. He betrayed the order and that made her sick to her stomach. She tried to not shudder at that as she attempted to take a few bites of her food, trying to distract herself from that disturbing information.
"Kopesh will have to go." Cien stated quietly, after the servant had finished and left. "I feel that will be our first test. It must appear as an accident, but I feel it should be relatively easy for us."
"But I have never killed anyone before," Sasha admitted. "Not saying I'm not willing to try, but I feel like you should know."
Cien looked at her. "I know. That will change, and soon. You will also need a new lightsaber."
"More like I just need a lightsaber," Sasha said simply. "I never actually had one. The one I used on Vestora belonged to Op..." she swallowed, "belonged to him. I only used it to save him. And I don't know where it is now. Probably still on Vestora if I had to guess."
"Who is Op?" Cien asked.
Sasha looked down, closing her eyes. "He was the one who tried to save me on Vestora, but was killed by those troopers. The older one. He… he was like my older brother. He was my older brother," she said, quietly.
"His death pains you?" Cien asked quietly.
"Yes," Sasha admitted. "But there are no more tears to shed for either of them."
"Does their death at the hands of the Empire make you angry?" Cien asked.
"Yes," Sasha answered, clenching her fists.
"Good." Cien said, "never forget that, then. You will have your vengeance against the Empire, and that pain and anger will empower you to exact it."
Sasha took a deep breath. "I hope so…"
"Do not rely on hope. Know that it will." Cien stated simply. "I have that lightsaber, I retrieved it." She informed her acolyte.
Sasha looked up that. "You did? I'm guessing I am never getting that back." She assumed.
Cien looked at her. "It will be yours when you are ready." Cien said. "When you are ready to take that final step in coming to my side." She offered as a soft challenge.
"I'm not ready yet," Sasha said. "I need to gain my physical strength back first. And my emotional strength. Then I will take that step." She then looked at her. "But I am with you now. It's too late for me to turn back. My brother and the love of my life are gone. And that dream wasn't real. I have made my choice." She said with a chill.
This isn't who I am. I'm a mother. A sister. A wife. A friend and healer. A Jedi for Force's sake! Stop this now!
She ignored the voice and kept her gaze on Cien.
"Good." Cien stated.
Sasha nodded and silently turned her attention back to her food.
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