Buck knew coming back from the lawsuit would be difficult and he'd expected it to be rocky with a few curt jokes and some serious groveling to do. He didn't exactly plan on no one even acknowledging him or the team being down right nasty.

He knew they were hurting and that they needed some time to heal but it didn't lessen the sting of rejection. And no matter how hard he tried he knew his efforts where just earning him more heart ache.

--

It took Buck a solid 5 minutes to get out his jeep this morning. To drag himself from the comfortable isolation he'd grown to know and into the boxing ring where he was the main event.

Although he walked as silently as possible being so cautious not to stomp or drag his feet or make any sound that could alert anyone to his presence - Buck still managed to cause a string of sighs from the team that where unloading the rig from their latest call. He stuck to walking round the edge and sliding into the locker room, he walked past his usual locker which had been promptly emptied by Bobby on his first day back and given to the probie. Instead Buck's locker was now in the far corner under the patch of damp on the ceiling.

Suprisingly he had no anger or resentment towards the Probie - Ravi - he actually enjoyed watching him learn. Knowing that soon he'd see Bobby as a father figure and Eddie as a brother just like Buck once did. Part of Buck felt like the more Ravi was becoming a member of the 118 the more Buck faded into the darkness.

He had long since given up trying to earn back their forgiveness. On his first day back Buck had been told he was 'man behind' till further notice. Of course he'd tried to ask how long for and tell Bobby how sorry he was and how thankful he was to be back. But all Bobby did was sigh and tell Buck that he couldn't transfer him so he had no choice. In that moment Buck felt like it was heart getting crushed by the truck instead if his leg. Bobby turned round to leave before coming back into Buck's space and telling him firmly 'My house, My rules'. Buck swallowed the sob that was building in his chest and turned to open his locker. He twisted the dial to enter his code but the locker didn't budge. He tried again and once more before before staring at it in disbelief. He couldn't exactly tell Bobby his locker was broken - he knew the most likely answer would be that it's not his locker it Bobby's, it's his house after all.

He went to try again when Ravi walked in. Buck hadn't actually met him yet only seen him in passing.

"You must be Buckley" Buck whipped round to see him on the other side of the bench "Bobby said to tell you all your things are in locker 14 now, not sure why he swapped your stuff out but thanks for the locker I guess?" Buck just stared mouth open in disbelief. Bobby had just opened Buck's locker and chucked everything aside. He was sure it was against some sort of code but Buck didn't really have a leg to stand on.

"Hey yeah it's, it's good to meet you man" Buck extended his hand and was met with a firm handshake. He didn't admit it was the first physically contact he'd had in months and most likely the last the way things where panning out.

Buck stepped aside and let Ravi to 'his' locker and he walked over to locker 14. He was surprised when the lock opened on first try, slightly sure Bobby would have changed to combination for fun. All of Buck's belongings were shoved in there with little effort. But what hurt most was the picture of the team from the Christmas dinner Buck had organised, it was crumpled up underneath his spare uniform. It had evidentially been ripped from the locker wall with force and stuck in there with no care.

As Buck stared into the locker he felt the chilling reality that this is what life would be like now. He didn't notice that Ravi had left instead he was face to face with Hen. Who had a small smile on her face. The kind of smile you give to someone when you're trying your best to convince them everything okay, even when everything around them is burning.

She had one had tucked behind her back and Buck tilted his head slightly. Is she about to hit me? The thought crossed his mind, after the way Bobby treated him this morning Buck was definitely unsure on what was about to happen. But no, instead she revealed a small cupcake box. She said nothing to him just placed it on the bench and walked away.

He sat down, once he was sure no one was in ear shit and opened the box to unveil a small red velvet cupcake with the wording 'welcome back'. The sob Buck had been holding back since he first got out the jeep bubbled up with such force that he didn't dare stop it. Instead he cried, he let the tears fall as he looked longingly at this small omen of hope. He took a steadying breath and stored the cake for later, thankful to have something to eat as he was no longer expecting to be welcomed to lunch.

Bobby had left a list of chores in Bucks locker, it was one of the only things not to be screwed up. He read over it - mop the bay floors, clean the toilets, Polish the lockers, clean the rigs, restock the ambulance - the list went on and on. Atleast 30 items, and at the bottom in marker read the words 'To be completed every shift until further notice'.

Turning the chore list over was a big mistake. He found writen in that same ink a set of rules to follow. He took a deep breath before reading them -

Firefighter Buckley is to read and adhere to the below rules. Failure to do so will result in disciplinary action and could lead to termination effective immediately.

- All chores to be completed by end of shift, failure to do so will lead to unpaid overtime. If chores are completed before end of shift they are to be repeated.

- No attempts are to be made to assist on emergency calls unless specifically told otherwise

- No causing unnecessary pressure, stress or situations

- No unnecessary talking, humming, singing or any repetitive noise that may distract on duty personnel

Signed - Captain Robert Nash

Buck sat in silence staring at the sheet before him. The 'rules' were telling Buck to be anything but 'Buck'. He wasn't even an hour into his first shift and all he wanted to do was run and drop to his knees infront of the team and beg for forgiveness. But he knew it was pointless.

--

Buck's first shift was 3 weeks ago, since then he had spent a collective 12 hours overtime finishing the list of impossible chores. The first thing he'd done was made copies of it, knowing his luck he'd loose it or it'd get ruined. Suprisingly he was right! He was cleaning the toilets and had left his list on the side of the sink to not get it messy. Eddie and Chim had come in to do their business so Buck stepped out. They left laughing to themselves and when Buck came back in his 'list' was in the toilet bowl. He trudged round to the locker and retrieved a spare copy making a mental note to print more - alot more.

When lunch came round he retreaved his new usual lunch of crackers and a bottle of water. It was cheap and kept him full which was ideal. Money had been tight since Captain Nash started lessening his shifts and sending him home early. He was also paying off the mountain of medical bills from the 'truck incident'. After rent, tax, utilities, fuel and insurance it left him with around 90 for the month. Gone were the days that Buck could enjoy one of Bobby's meals instead Buck would sit on a few stray crates down the alley bedside the house and eat his crackers, enjoying one of the only moments of peace he got. He never took a full lunch, he learned quickly that if he took the full hour he wouldn't finish the chores in time. Instead he takes 10 minutes to eat and then 5 more to use the toilet and check his phone - theres never any messages but he likes to check anyways. He had a system, one that meant he got everything done whilst being in the shadows as much as he could. He hadn't actually spoken to anyone since his first day, only saying 'yes sir' to Captain Nash when he was ordered to do something.

It's why it took him by suprise when Hen appeared at the end of the alley during Buck's 'lunch' break.