The Dark Side of Disney 3
Episode 4: Return of the Mew Mews
Act One
Friday, July 31 2024 2000 hours
At Universal Studios, Direwolf is seated in his office, formulating a battle plan with Proto and Kero. The map of the States is on his desk, set with chess pieces that look like the Disney villains.
Proto: Now, uh…. There's an outpost here, and over there, not too far away from the Sierra Nevadas, where the Dark Side is rebuilding the battle droid army.
Kero: I guess with battle droids back, won't we need ARC troopers?
Direwolf: All in good times, Kero. But we need to… strategize some more and use only the most important stuff for the deadline, and then we can try busting down Maleficent's firebird.
Proto: It won't work, because if we keep fighting, we would be out of options.
Direwolf: Out of options?! Proto, I-
Proto: Listen, General. We don't have enough cash or energy to power a full-scale assault until August 30. More importantly, do you have a plan?
Direwolf: Don't question me, Major. It can be offensive, but not federal. I do have a plan. I just…. [beat] I, uh….
Kero: You don't have a plan, that's what. I can tell by the look on your face.
Direwolf: Hey, watch it. I can have you do laps for a whole day, you know.
Kero: Are you forgetting something? I'm retired, and I'm here because you don't know magic as well as I do. So I can technically do what I want… Johnny.
Proto: He does have a fair point.
Direwolf is offended, but he shakes his head in angry defeat.
Direwolf: Alright, alright! I don't have a plan. I don't know how to stop the Firebird, so now are you satisfied?!
Proto: No, because that means we're finished.
Direwolf: Denied! I almost thought we were finished back then, when we were captured in 2008. We were disbanded before, and that almost cost us a lot of everything we had. And last year, we almost lost a friend in Notre Dame. There's a reason we're called the Resistance, Proto. Because we handle everything the world throws at us, so if there's a fiery bird led by that horny bitch, we can take 'em on.
Proto: But sir… you can't always win in everything.
Kero: He's right. Not everyone can do everything and succeeds. Take Sakura for example. She was the cardcaptor, and she won because she had to. But at the same time, I was concerned that she wouldn't make it, if she ever failed, which is natural for everyone.
[5 second silence]
Direwolf: We will discuss the plans later. Dismissed.
Kero: Alright. Let's go get a slushie, Proto. It's so hot in here, it's like there's a volcano.
Proto and Kero both take their leave out of the door. But then, Direwolf begins to think about something, his eyes light up, and he gets an idea.
Direwolf: That's it! Kero, you're a genius!
Kero: What, what?
Direwolf: Think about it. The Firebird is made of lava, right? Because it was based on the eruption of Mt. St. Helen's. But what would you say… if we actually freeze it?
Proto: Freeze it? You can't freeze lava. It would melt, and…. [realize] But if the ice was large enough, it would melt into water before it would evaporate and then…. The Firebird would be soaked.
Direwolf: YES! So that's the plan: a giant freezing gun. And I know someone who can help us with that.
He flips open a cell phone and dials, calling Dr. Nefario.
Nefario: Hello?
Direwolf: Dr. Nefario! This is General Direwolf calling.
Nefario: Oh, good day, sir. How do you do?
Direwolf: Listen, I've got an order for you. I'm going to need a gigantic version of Gru's freeze ray.
Nefario: What?
Direwolf: A giant freeze ray!
Nefario: Oh, of course, sir. I'm on it.
Direwolf: Very good. Bye.
The General hangs up the phone and laughs with new found hope.
Proto: Uh, sir? We have been crunching some numbers and I really don't see how we can afford something like that.
Direwolf: Hey… chillax. I'll just get another loan from the Defense Department.
Intercom: Excuse me, sir. Mr. Nolan is at the door.
Direwolf: [laughs] Just in time. Send him in.
The door opens to let in the Secretary of Defense Julian Nolan, who walks over to greet the two men.
Nolan: [smiles] O'Neal! Curtis!
The two soldiers shake hands with him, both very pleased to see him.
Nolan: Thank you both for letting me into your office.
Direwolf: Mr. Nolan, you're always welcome here. You're our sponsor after all.
Nolan: Is Wilson here?
Proto: Negative. He's gone to California with his team to deal with the Dark Side.
Direwolf: And also, we wanted to book an appointment with you. About a financial discussion.
Nolan: Then I guess you haven't heard what happened. After the Zurg incident, life in the United States has grown more prosperous than ever thanks to your army, and President Biden has offered his thanks to you. But, um… just recently, I have been retired.
Proto: Retired? Just when the Dark Side came back?
Nolan: Not really. I did it on June 14th. Long before I heard about Maleficent's comeback. When I heard about it, I tried to convince the new Secretary to begin sponsoring the Resistance program. But, uh… he didn't have as many interests as I did, so instead… the program's rights were sold off to the Crossover Resource Committee.
Direwolf: [disturbed] What?
Nolan: Yeah, I know. I've tried to stop them, but I failed. So it looks like Chairman Dodger now owns the Resistance program and he should decide whether or not to sponsor you.
Direwolf: But we've been under the impression that he's an asshole.
Nolan: I agree with you. He is. But… I did all I could. That's all I came here to tell you, and all I can do is… wish you all luck.
Nolan takes his leave and exits the office, leaving Direwolf and Proto both having downhearted faces.
Kero: What do we do now?
Direwolf: [determined] We're going to proceed with the objective. Because we're going to initiate it in time for the 30th of August, before we make that horned bitch Maleficent to wish she was NEVER BORN!
Proto: [salutes] Yes, sir!
In Hogsmeade, working inside Honeydukes are the Mew Mews, all dressed in their finest as they serve the customers in the shop. Soon enough, Zoey flips the open sign to close, and before she can go, she notices Corina sitting down to have some tea, much to her annoyance.
Zoey: Corina! Could you please get up and help the rest of us out?
Corina: I am. Making sure the tea is properly sweetened.
Zoey: You made that up!
Renée: Hey, everyone, just calm down. It's closing time, so we're all having a quick tea break.
Mini-Mew: Tea time!
Everyone else joins in around the table, having their tea together.
Bridget: This world is much more fun than our old one. Maybe it doesn't have everything we know, but still… Hogsmeade is cozy.
Kikki: Well, except for the part where Maleficent comes back.
Zoey: I know what you mean. What else is next?
Bridget: Well, perhaps if we reason with her.
Corina: Reason? With Maleficent?
Bridget: Well, she can't be all bad.
Renée: I know what you mean, Bridget, but there's nothing we could do. It's up to the soldiers to deal with her, and we're still just kids.
Kikki: Well, if only we were learning in Hogwarts, and I can turn her into a toadstool.
Zoey: Kikki, they wouldn't let you. Dumbledore forbids magic to be used as weapons. Besides, we already have powers. We're Mew Mew Power after all.
Renée: Well, I hate to break this up to you, but… nobody cares about us anymore. Our show was cancelled after that cliffhanger when you ran through the rain for Mark, and that's it.
Corina: We're not memories of a distant past, Renée. The show's over, but not us, so there.
Kikki: Yeah, and there's no stopping us. That's why we should stop Maleficent.
Bridget: But how can we do that? She's too smart for all of us.
Renée: There's nothing we can do about. It would take a miracle, even if we want recognition.
Outside, Pinky from the Animaniacs walks across the street with a bag over his shoulder, and he stops when Brain walks in front of him.
Pinky: Brain, hehe, I was on my way home.
Brain: Pinky, I knew I'd find you out here wasting time with these humans. Let's go back home now.
The mice take their leave as Bridget shuts the window.
Pinky: But I was going to-
Brain: Pinky, those are humans, and you are a mouse.
Pinky: Oh, Brain, don't be so intolerant. Why can't the humans and the mice live together in harmony? Along with the fairies and the wood sprites and the bean sprouts?
Brain: I stand corrected, Pinky. Those are humans, you are an imbecile.
Pinky: Thank you!
Brain: Now come. We must prepare for tonight.
Pinky: Why? What are we going to do tonight?
Brain: Guess.
Pinky: Try to take over the world?
Brain: Bingo!
Pinky: Egad, I love bingo! Narf! It's so much more fun than trying to-
Then, Brain hits him on the head with a stick, and Pinky laughs.
Act Two
The next morning, Direwolf is in the Diamond in Washington DC. He then walks to the desk and addresses the receptionist.
Direwolf: General Direwolf to see Mr. Dodger.
Receptionist: Yes, please have a seat.
Direwolf takes a seat on a red leather sofa. He unrolls a piece of paper with his master plan of a freezing cannon and stares at it. But when he looks ahead, he sees Old Buzz sitting right in front of him on another sofa, grinning at Direwolf who looks haunted.
Direwolf: Zurg.
Old Buzz: [sickly] To infinity… and beyond.
But Direwolf snaps out of it, seeing that it is only an illusion. He relaxes, until he remembers something else.
{FLASHBACK}
Four-year-old John sits in front of the TV watching Buzz Lightyear of Star Command: The Adventure Begins, which is around August 24 2000, while his mother sits on a chair to read Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
John: Mommy, someday I'm going to be a Space Ranger!
Mrs. Curtis: I'm afraid you're too late, John. NASA isn't sending the monkeys anymore.
Hearing that, John frowns; his dream crushed.
{FLASHBACK ENDS}
Direwolf lowers his plans, before the receptionist calls to him.
Receptionist: General? Mr. Dodger will see you now.
Later, Direwolf sits across from Dodger in his office, with Leviathan at his side. He is surrounded by charts and models showing how he's going to freeze the Firebird.
Direwolf: …so all I need is money from the Diamond to combat the Dark Side, and we can freeze the Firebird to a pile of evaporated rocks.
Dodger: Wow. Well, a very nice presentation. I'd like to see this freezing cannon.
Direwolf: Absolutely. Will do. [pauses] As soon as I have it.
Dodger: [grimaces; disappointed] You don't have it? And yet you have the audacity to ask me for money?
Direwolf: [beat] Apparently.
Dodger: Don't get me wrong. Your Resistance program was a huge success in its debut. But do you have any idea of how costly it's been, General? With so many things to do for your army, you just rarely counted the cost. How else can I say it?
Dodger walks around the room, thinking of a hypothesis. He pulls an apple from his coat.
Dodger: Let's say this apple is you. We would be willing to offer you a loan, but if we don't get it back in time….
Then he squeezes the apple and it explodes, shocking Direwolf.
Dodger: Get the picture?
Direwolf gulps loudly and nods, getting the idea, and the Chairman returns to his seat.
Dodger: Look, the point is you did all you can do back then. The Crossover Resource Committee is grateful that your Resistance has repelled the Dark Side of Disney, saving the world twice. But… that's all in the past, and now, most of us think that it would be time that someone else might deal with this revived villain creed. Take Lieutenant Leviathan for example.
Leviathan: My team, the Aquatic Squad, took down Monstro and the kraken.
Direwolf: I got it, I got it. First of all, my army saved the world about seventeen times. And um…as far as getting money-
Dodger: Complete the freeze ray. Then we'll talk.
Direwolf: [defeated] Yes, sir. [walks off]
In Hogsmeade, Zoey is taking out the trash, while having her nose blocked with a clip.
Zoey: This literally stinks. What else can go wrong?
Voice: Zoey?
Hearing that voice, Zoey can see it is Mark behind her, then she immediately swipes the clip off of her nose.
Zoey: Mark, you're here. I, uh…. We're not opened yet, but I can just-
Mark: I only wanted to ask you something real quick.
Zoey: Ask me what?
Mark: Aren't you… scared of what will happen near the end of August?
Zoey: You mean with the Firebird coming? Should I be?
Mark: I only wanted to know if you are or not. Because it will destroy everything here and it can be terrifying. So I thought you might be scared.
Zoey: Don't worry about me, Mark. I can handle anything.
But before Zoey can go, Mark holds onto her arm and places his other on her head.
Mark: I'm being honest here, Zoey. Remember? We all have secrets, even about some we're afraid of, but the more secrets you have, the worse it gets.
Zoey is blushing bright red with Mark holding her like this, and it's enough to pop out her cat ears and tail, which she tries to hide but fails.
Mark: It's been two years since I found out about your secrets, and I'm figuring out how your ears come out.
Zoey: Okay, Mark, you got me! Maybe I am afraid. If that fiery bird comes here, what then? Would we…?
Mark: Don't worry. We'll always have each other. But if we want something to stop, the Resistance can stop it, and they might need some help from others.
Zoey: Nah, I don't think they would just- [pauses; shocked] Say that again?
Mark: I said they might need help from others.
After a few seconds, Zoey zips away at lightning speed inside, but she zips back to Mark.
Zoey: Thank you so much!
She kisses Mark on the cheek and zips away again.
Act Three
In the armory, the clones are walking on the catwalks throughout the place on their daily duties. Direwolf and Proto stare at a giant gun that is completed by Dr. Nefario, who stands proudly next to them. Brain is there too with Pinky. He pushes a button, and it fires a gust of gooey cheese at a target, which Pinky rushes over to eat. However, nobody is sure about what it is.
Proto: Uh, question. What is that?
Nefario: A giant cheese ray. With this, it would be one heck of nacho party for the Super Bowl, and-
But Direwolf grabs the remote from Nefario, and pushes the STOP button.
Direwolf: Augh! Freeze ray! I said a giant freeze ray! I thought you fixed your hearing.
Nefario: I did. I…. Wait a minute.
Nefario checks on his hearing aid, seeing a flaw in it.
Nefario: Oh, that's why! I haven't turned it up. Anyway, a freeze ray? I'm on it.
Brain: General, we need to talk quickly.
Direwolf: Is this about Pinky again?
Brain: The only problem I have with him is his company with anime toons. But no, it's about this freezing cannon.
Brain hops over to the schematics of the freezing cannon as Direwolf listens to him.
Brain: To build something like this is hard enough. But to power it up is a greater deal. It will have to take a massive amount of energy.
Pinky: Why not use batteries, Brain?
Brain: I told you before. Batteries won't work.
Pinky: [gasps] How could I forget? Stupid! Stupid! STUPID!
Pinky hits himself on the head a few times, much to Brain's annoyance.
Brain: No, Pinky, allow me. STUPID!
He smacks Pinky with a screwdriver, which is enough for him.
Pinky: [laughs] Narf! Thanks.
Brain: Now zip it while I talk.
Pinky: Zip!
Brain: [to Direwolf] Anyway, as I was saying, it needs fifty thousand gigabytes of power. It only-
Pinky: [lip buzzes]
Brain: I'm going to have to hurt you.
Pinky: Re-zip.
Direwolf: Anyway, a power source?
Proto: That's gonna be impossible. It's bad enough that we're short on cash, and we're still trying to compete with the Cheetos sweepsteaks. But even if we win the contest, that wouldn't be enough to get power for the cannon. Maybe… we could ask Zeus for assistance.
Pinky: Egad, brilliant! No, no, wait. If we were meant to find Zeus, wouldn't we pray to him for a lightning storm?
Then, Brain smacks him again with the screwdriver.
Brain: Pinky, we cannot pray because we don't have time for that.
Direwolf: He's right. We can't always rely on someone else to do our job. But I agree with Proto. It requires a huge amount of energy, and if a godly weapon could do it, thrn that's what we need for the freezing cannon.
Proto: Too bad you gave up Stormbreaker. You should've kept it for storage.
Direwolf: Yeah, you're right. Damn me!
Proto: But there is a way. We have radars that can pick up high energy signals, courtesy of the Autobots, so… we'll find the axe and get it back.
Proto flips open his built-in radar screen on his left arm, tracing Stormbreaker via energy tracing. Then, Direwolf saw the Mew Mews walking into the armory.
Direwolf: Girls? What are you doing here? I thought you all have work.
Renée: We have a day-off. But Zoey has a request.
Zoey: Sir, whatever it is you have, we want in. We like to fight the Dark Side just like before, and… hope that we can have recognition.
Direwolf: What do you mean recognition?
Corina: That's the problem. Nobody seems to know anything about us as we… used to back then.
Proto: That is true. It's been twenty-one years since Mew Mew Power last aired, until the dubbing got cancelled.
Direwolf: Are you kidding?! I don't see what the problem is. Listen, girls, don't think that you're nothing. I've been in desperate need of assistance here, and I… need some extra hands to fight the enemy.
Kikki: Wow! You girls hear that! He really needs us!
Renée: [annoyed] Keep it together, Kikki.
Corina: So, what are we going to do now?
Direwolf: We just have to find something that I… sold off to power up one of our machines, and if we run into the Dark Side, that's when you girls might come in.
Bridget: So we're just hired hands? Mercenaries?
Zoey: No, he would never. He'd treat us like human beings, no matter what you got or how you use it for.
Kikki: Yeah, Zoey would know. She's been with them for a long time.
Proto: [dismayed] Dammit! I can't trace it. My limbs are still damaged after our fight with those rhinos. I'm going to the MIB to help repair it.
Direwolf: Alright. You girls, pack your things and be prepared. We'll be going on a trip this afternoon. That is, if Proto fixes himself on time.
Bridget: But what if we…?
Direwolf: Worry about it. I'm going to be somewhere quickly. Finding out which weapon we can bring. In the meantime, wait for my orders.
Direwolf walks out of the armory alone with a smile, but that smile fades away into a concerned look as he puts his hand on his forehead in frustration because of his meeting with Dodger.
Direwolf: By the time this is over, Dodger will forget about me. [sighs] As the old saying goes: desperate times call for desperate measures.
Act Four
A Warner Bros. fairground in a state of disrepair. The fair ended a decade ago, but instead of demolishing the dozens of rides and presentations, the city has decided to simply leave the exhibits in place. Direwolf enters the place, staring at the place for a few seconds in dismay. He shakes his head mournfully before he walks ahead.
Direwolf: I just hope he's in a listening mood.
Direwolf walks past them, then huge robotic puppets dangling over the entrance suddenly start to move, and sing. And then- explode. He drops to the ground until he hears machine gunfire. Bullets are flying over his head and into the singing robots, blowing them to pieces. As the shooting stops, Direwolf regains his bearings as he stares into a darkened entrance. The Joker from Batman: The Animated Series steps out of the shadows with a smoking machine gun in his hand.
Joker: I hate that song.
As he sees Direwolf standing in front of him, he slaps his palms against his head.
Joker: Gasp! Can it be? Old Johnny "The Wolfie" Curtis! Welcome, big G! It's been a dog's age!
Direwolf: Joker. I can honestly say… I'm not very happy to see you.
Joker: Oh, Johnny, why so negative? We're on the same page, aren't we?
Direwolf: Look, this is only a brief talk.
Joker: Ooh! Business! Sounds like fun! Let's all head over to my place.
Joker grabs Direwolf by the collar and dumps him into the tiny car. He jumps into the seat next to the General. The tiny car takes off like a shot, sailing along its track faster than a roller coaster toward the House of the Future. As the car slows to a halt inside the futuristic home, the Joker gaily jumps out. In response, a small mechanical dog appears at the Joker's feet.
Joker: Oh, please don't mind my guard dog. Heal, boy.
As it yaps happily, the Joker viciously kicks the robot dog across the room and out the window, making a huge crash on something.
Joker: Can't be too careful with all these weirdos around. [chuckles]
Now they are inside, Direwolf steps out of the car and into the living room where the Joker follows him.
Joker: So tell me, what brings you here?
Direwolf: The Dark Side of Disney. It's back from the dead. Not just Maleficent, but three other villains. And now, she's going to release the Firebird at the end of the month.
Joker: Ya know, I've been reading lately that not-so-little miss horny is wound tight enough to snap. And I've heard this Firebird might erupt. Wouldn't it be one heck of a summer vacation, if someone would roast marshmallows over it while it cooks our goose? [chortles]
Direwolf: This is serious! For once in your insane life, try to hear me out. I didn't want to come here unless I had to. My program's rights have been transferred to the CRC, but the Chairman won't sponsor us. Look, all I need is just one of your weapons, so that if I can take on the enemy, I would have enough resources in hopes to finish the job.
Joker: [yawns; unimpressed] What do I look like? A Mandalorian?
Direwolf: [angrilly] Think, clown. If we're out of the picture, Disney will conquer more, and how much longer will it take before they take over Warner Bros., including you? You know what I mean.
He walks over to the Joker and grabs him by the shirt.
Direwolf: I can see it now. Disney would cast a big shadow over all in your world, and you'll be… a thing of the past.
The Joker has a far-off look in his eyes as Direwolf tugs on his jacket. Then his lips begin to tremble, his eyes begin to redden, and his nostrils begin to flare. Watching this transformation, Direwolf has the sickening feeling he's made a horrible mistake.
Joker: [enraged] Don't touch me, li-ac! [cheerful] I don't know where you've been! [chuckles] Oh, John, no one could take a joke like you. Of course I'll help you out! I know just the kind of weapon you need.
Direwolf: You do?
Joker: Yes. And believe me, when you use it on anyone from the Dark Side, this will be the last thing they'll ever do. [menacingly] A nice, big smile.
Meanwhile, Plotz is pacing around in his office, fuming as Ralph watches him at the side.
Ralph: Duh, is there a problem?
Plotz: Yes, there is, Ralph. When will they tell us what we have to do? I still want to deal with those punks who made a fool out of me.
Ralph: Kay, uh…. Maybe they're just-
Plotz: Don't say they're having tea, because those-
Suddenly, Jafar's shadow looms over Plotz and Ralph, and the two recoil in fear when he arrives.
Plotz: Mr. Jafar, we were, uh… talking about you. Wondering if there's anything we can do.
Jafar: We want to apologize for keeping you boys waiting. We had to think of so many plans at the same time. And now, we have one that requires you both.
Ralph: Really?
Plotz: Well, that's good to know. So… what do we do?
Jafar: A little fight with the General, while Cobalt is occupied right here in California. The Disney expert would most likely be… too busy to get back, which leaves the other two…?
Plotz: [realizing] Vulnerable for an attack! I take back what I was going to say, and say… it's brilliant. To the door!
Plotz and Ralph move over to two levers on the door.
Plotz: Pull the lever, Ralph!
Ralph pulls a lever, opening a trap door under Plotz, who falls through.
Plotz: WRONG LEVEEEEEEEEER!
[splash]
Ralph: Duh, good form there.
Then Plotz comes out from another door, all wet and with a crocodile biting his rear end.
Plotz: Honestly, why do they have that lever?
He slaps the crocodile which lets go of him and runs away, yipping.
Plotz: Get out of my way.
When Plotz pulls the other lever, he and Ralph land in what is like an amusement park ride, just like in The Emperor's New Groove.
Ride Voice: Please remain seated, and keep your arms and legs in at all times.
The ride speeds up, going through tunnels. Plotz and Ralph arrive in a car, and they drive off to go somewhere.
Act Five
The next morning, Direwolf paces around in the MIB headquarters, until he and Proto hear a beeping from the latter's built-in radar.
Proto: Got it! It looks like it's… in the eastern outskirts of New Orleans.
Direwolf: That's good. Contact Grinder to get his Mammoth assembled.
Proto: Copy that. Hey, uh…. Where were you last night?
Direwolf: I was taking a stroll around, waiting for a signal. Now we got it, this is that time.
At a main gate outside of Universal, the girls stand together with Bender, waiting for their ride to come. Bridget is reading a newspaper from the Daily Bugle.
Renée: What's taking them so long?
Bender: Probably loading their bigger guns or something.
Bridget: Girls, look at this. "Colonel Cobalt and his team have been witnessed to take on the Dark Side of Disney within the Sierra Nevadas. But after a sudden fight in the air between Drogon and TIE fighters, the team suddenly vanished without a trace." Oh, dear. You don't think…?
Renée: Don't worry about them. Cobalt can take care of himself. You know how he kicks back, right Zoey?
Zoey: Wha? Uh, yeah… maybe.
Corina: What do you mean maybe? You've never fought with him?
Zoey: Not really. When I first came here, the first thing I did was work as a waitress for the café in their old base. I was asked to fight, but Cobalt says no because wars would be too dangerous for me.
Renée: We fought off being worse than these people.
Then Kikki emerges from around the corner wearing one of the Universal T-shirts and carrying magnets.
Kikki: Hey, I got you refrigerator magnets.
She puts one on Bender's head causing Bender's pupils to dilate and an electrical surge in his head. He starts waving his arms around in a panic.
Bender: Get it off! Get it off! Get it- Uh-oh! [singing] How many roads must a man walk down, before you- [howls]
Renée takes the magnet off, snapping Bender out of it.
Bender: [gasping] Keep those things off of me! Magnets screw up my inhibition unit!
Then, Grinder's modified Mammoth drives over and stops in front of the girls, right before Direwolf opens the side door.
Direwolf: All units, all aboard!
Carrying their luggage, the girls rush into the Mammoth, while Bender casually walks, and the tank begins driving away. Inside, Grinder is driving the Mammoth in happiness, he looks out of the cockpit as Zoey stumbles in with the massive amount of luggage.
Grinder: Checking in? What the hell is all that?
Exhausted, Zoey drops down with the heavy luggage.
Zoey: If you need to know, this is all Renée's match luggage.
Grinder: Matched luggage? What do you think this is, a princess cruise?
Renée: Well, I had to come prepared. I not only work at Honeydukes, but I model for Miss Piggy as well.
Grinder: Listen! On this ship, I don't take orders, I give 'em. This is my dreamboat, sweetheart.
Renée: [offended] "Sweetheart"?
Proto: That's enough, you two. We're on a mission. [to himself] How does Cobalt handle kids like this?
Zoey: So what's the mission?
Direwolf: Simple. Our mission is the same: building the freezing cannon, in hopes to freeze the Firebird until the ice melts into water and he evaporates into solid rock.
Bridget: That would make sense. Because lava is basically molten rock until it cools down.
Direwolf: But we need a power source for it. Luckily, my old axe Stormbreaker has tremendous amounts of energy, enough to power it up without costing too much money, and we'll have enough to pay for a full-scale incursion. So if you girls help me with this, you'll get all the recognition you deserve.
Bridget: That would be wonderful for us, General.
Kikki: Yeah, we wanna do some action around here anyway.
Meanwhile, Brain and Pinky are both walking down the hall in the Diamond.
Pinky: I don't understand, Brain. Why do we leave to come here?
Brain: Because Dr. Nefario needs a twenty-one gigawatt tube for his mechanical screwdriver.
Pinky: For some major whacking?
Suddenly, the annoyed Brain bonks Pinky on the head.
Brain: Pinky, I would use a screwdriver on you if you're a screw-loose, which you have been 24/7.
Pinky: Thanks.
However, the two mice hear voices from behind a door. They walk over to the door frame, and look ahead to the Chairman's office, where Dodger and Leviathan are seen inside with a hologram of a Maleficent.
Dodger: I told you, I will have more of it this weekend. By the time we get it, we'll smuggle it to Anaheim before anyone would say "embezzlement".
Maleficent: A deal is of no value if you can't deliver, my dear Chairman. We grow impatient with your puny gestures. Give us the agreement soon, or the deal is off, and your precious career will pay the price!
The hologram vanishes, and Dodger walks over to the window.
Leviathan: She's toying with us! Let me lead my team into the park before they try anything.
Dodger: Patience, Lieutenant. You know as well as I that no one should ever underestimate the Disney villains. I had to learn that… the hard way.
He brings up one of his hands and places it lightly to his eyepatch, recalling his past. Before long, he brings himself back to his senses and looks on at the city view through the window.
Dodger: No! We have to understand them better, better than how Harold's grandson ever does. The villains' pride is their weakness. We simply play helpless… train them to eat from our hands, and THEN… we strike. That's why we proceed with the plan. Tell the armory to get those weapons finished.
Leviathan: But he hasn't not been so… agreeable.
Dodger: Agggg. I'll see to that problem. One way or another. But any news from the Resistance?
Leviathan: We intercepted a transmission. Apparently, General Direwolf is on the move towards Louisiana.
Dodger: Then perhaps you should take your team out. Make sure things will go our way. Be sure they have the prototypes ready to go.
As the two men speak, Pinky starts to get into the edge of sneezing.
Leviathan: As you wish. With enough persuasion, I'm sure-
Unfortunately, Pinky can't hold the sneeze and let off a mass of snot up on the floor.
Leviathan: [alarmed] What was that?!
As he looks up, there is nothing in view. Brain ends up hiding himself and Pinky away from the door frames, with the latter having his mouth held shut.
Act Six
Back in the Mammoth, the girls are sitting down around the table, playing Go Fish, while a few Minions are walking around on their daily duties.
Corina: Are we there yet? We've been waiting like this for hours now. Why couldn't we just fly a plane or something?
Renée: Because if we fly, they'll be expecting us.
Kikki: Zoey, you got any sixes?
Zoey: Yep.
Direwolf looks down at the girls, seeing that they're all okay for now.
Direwolf: How much longer?
Grinder: We just entered Louisiana, sir. We crossed the border a minute ago.
Direwolf: Okay, keep us going to New Orleans.
Grinder: Keeping us going to New O-O-O-O-O-
But the Mammoth suddenly starts shaking, rattling the place.
Direwolf: What's happening?
Grinder: Oh no. Bad news, boss. We're out of gas!
Direwolf: We're out of gas already?!
Grinder: I knew I should've put more than five bucks worth in!
Proto: Okay, nobody panic. We'll have to set her down. Prepare for an emergency landing! Quick, give me a reading!
Grinder: [praying] Our father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be-
Direwolf: Would you stop that?! Everyone, remain seated.
The girls are getting swung around by the rocking Mammoth. Mini-Mew is flying, so he isn't rattled, until a water bottle falls right on top of him. The Mammoth goes into Pearl River Wildlife Management Area. Grinder is in a panic, but Proto is in complete control. The tank plows through one tree before coming to a stop on a bog.
Grinder: We've landed.
Direwolf: Augh! Next time, you check on your gas tank before you drive the tank! Status report, Proto!
Proto: The radar shows that we're not too far away from New Orleans. It's only nine miles from here.
Grinder: Yeah, but… the Mammoth needs recharging via solar energy. So I have to stay here and make the repairs. Tim, Mark, Phil!
Right on cue, three Minions slide down three individual pneumatic tubes.
Grinder: I need you to check around for any damage reports. Jerry, Stuart! Help me with the panels.
Grinder walks off with two Minions, leaving Direwolf and Proto with the girls and Bender.
Bender: Well, looks like we're walking.
Zoey: That's it? We're just gonna walk there?
Bridget: We've done it before. We can do it again.
Proto: Remember, take only that's for survival.
Direwolf: And, uh… see if you can transform. Less chance we wouldn't let our guard down.
Zoey: Got it. It's not like we have nothing to hide. Let's go, girls. Power Pendant….
Mew Mews: Mewtamorphesis!
All together, they transform into their Mew Mew-selves.
Zoey: [posing] Mew Mew style, Mew Mew grace. Mew Mew Power, in your face.
Bender: [bored] Whatever.
And so, Direwolf and Proto lead the Mew Mews into the wilderness, as Proto keeps looking into his radar.
Proto: The signal's getting strong. We're getting closer.
Renée: But General, who did you sell the axe to?
Direwolf: Ah, some Disney toon by the name of Tamatoa. He likes shiny stuff, and when he saw my axe, he asked me if he could have it, so I went with it.
Corina: How much longer can we keep this up?
Proto: Don't tell me you're exhausted already.
Corina: No, it's because those three are singing a stupid song in the back.
In the back, Zoey, Bridget and Kikki stride through the foliage, dancing and singing.
Zoey: [singing] A-wimoweh, a-wimoweh, a-wimoweh, a-wimoweh.
Kikki: In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight! In the jungle, the quiet jungle, the lion sleeps tonight!
A butterfly flutters in front of Zoey, and because of her animal instincts, she goes after it without anyone noticing.
Kikki: I can't hear you, Zo. Back me up! [poses; sings] A-wiii! A-Pumbaa-bum-baa-weh. [sighs] How's that, Zoey?
But she and Bridget notice Zoey is gone and look around.
Bridget: Zoey? Where'd she go?
Kikki: She probably found a mouse or something.
Bridget: I'll go find her. She can't be too far away.
Zoey hums "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" while she stalks the butterfly, and she pounces up, trying to catch it like a cat. But then, she ends up catching Mini-Mew with her hands.
Zoey: Mini-Mew!
Mini-Mew: Mini-Mew… not toy, Zoey.
Zoey: Well, you're small enough to be-
There is a sound behind her, which causes Zoey to glance over one shoulder.
Zoey: Kikki?
Behind her, there is a seemingly empty field. Zoey shrugs and starts walking off, until Bridget bumps into her that causes her to stifle a scream.
Bridget: [bowing] I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I…. [noticing] Zoey? You shouldn't be wondering off like that.
Zoey: Yeah, sorry, Bridget. I saw a butterfly and I just-
Mini-Mew: [beeping] Something alert. Something alert.
Zoey: "Something" alert. Mini-Mew, you say that when there's a Cyniclon or a Predasite.
But then, Zoey picks up a scent with her ears twitching. She looks around, but finds nothing around. She looks upward, and sees a darkened creature with glowing eyes, growling in anticipation of a hunt.
Zoey: [screams]
The creature pounces to attack. Bridget stumbles away in terror. The two girls turn and race away, with the creature in hot pursuit, chasing them into the swamps. The screaming and roaring is heard all around, alerting the others who stop in their tracks.
Direwolf: Hey, what was that?
Kikki: That sounded like Zoey in danger!
Renée: This way, quick!
Zoey and Bridget continue their running; Bridget attempts to squeeze under a tree root but gets stuck. The other three Mew Mews come to a halt in front of her.
Kikki: Hey, Bridget, what's going on?
Bridget: [panicked] HE'S GONNA EAT US!
Corina: Who is?
Corinca gets up on the branch and sees the creature charging at full speed towards them.
Corina: [alarmed] WOAH!
Zoey: Careful, he's a fast one!
Then, the creature bounces around, knocking down the other three Mew Mews, save for Zoey who is trying to run away, but then… she gets tackled.
Direwolf: Hang on, we're coming!
Direwolf and Proto are running into the scene, ready to fight, but they find something that surprises them.
Both: Toothless?!
True to their word, it is Toothless the Night Fury from How To Train Your Dragon, licking Zoey on the face. Sitting up, the Mew Mews are completely baffled by this sudden change.
Zoey: [giggles] Toothless, stop it! So wet! Yuck, your breath!
Corina: Hey, what's going on here?!
Proto: It's all good. That's Toothless. He's on our side. Hey, Bridget, it's all okay.
Bridget manages to get herself unstuck, but she is amazed to see Toothless.
Bridget: My goodness. Is that a dragon?
Renée: He's way too small to be one.
Direwolf: Not really. He's a fully-grown one. But where'd he come from?
Voice: Toothless?
Suddenly, another figure comes through the clearing. It is Susan, much to Direwolf's shock. She tries to get out, but gets thrown out, noticing the group.
Direwolf: Susan?
Susan: John? Seamus? And…. [gasps] The Mew Mews?
Act Seven
After a while, with Susan and Toothless now included, the team proceeds to walk through the bog.
Susan: What are you doing here?
Direwolf: I was gonna ask you the same question.
Susan: I was gone to take Toothless for a little walk. He suddenly picked up a scent, and I thought it was an animal. Or so it appears to be.
Zoey: Well, I did meet Toothless years ago when I first came to this world. At first, he was showing to be difficult, but he just… turns out to be a good dragon.
Kikki: What else is there you haven't told us, Zoey? That you're cheating on Mark?
Renée: That's enough. We're on a mission.
Proto: But… we thought he died years ago.
Susan: I know what you mean. The Diamond's heard about what happened to your old base. We sent a scouting party to investigate, and all we found was him in the air, with a broken wing.
Direwolf: That's the Susan I knew.
But Susan gives Direwolf a dirty look, making him stop in his tracks, then she walks off with a huff, until the General walks over to her.
Direwolf: Susan, wait! You're wrong about me. I have matured. Sure I still love anime, but I have matured since then.
Susan: It's not that. It's more to the fact that I can't see a man inside of you. It's like he's pretending to be a man when he doesn't know how to.
Direwolf: Pretending? Well, if you have a type other than me, what is it then if you have high standards?
Susan: My standards are normal. All I want is… someone younger, care for kids, and thoughtful for others. It's that simple, just those three things. But you? I would find it hard to believe.
Direwolf: So in other words, you're into the boring-type.
Susan: Don't get me started.
The others are looking at them at the backside.
Zoey: What's with her?
Proto: Susan was the General's secret crush, but she changed and she things he hasn't.
Corina: Well, that's too bad.
Proto: Yeah, but… I think he needs help on this one.
Underwater, there is the Waterpede, a submersible vehicle looking like a centipede. It is descending through the water and sitting inside it is Leviathan with his team the Aquatic Squad: Sgt. Sandra "Sea Serpent" Sarnoski, Cpl. Conrad "King Crab" Costello, PFC. Percival "Thresher" Coolidge, Pvt. Butch "Bull Shark" Willis, and Pvt. Marko "Mako" Mackie.
Sea Serpent: We're within range. Masks on.
The Waterpede begins equipping the team as Mako runs a checklist.
Mako: Masks. Check. Prototank. Check. Oxygen flow on. Check. Stopping in three… two… one.
The Waterpede travels through the seafloor, and it barely stops near an underwater cliff with the front hanging from the edge.
Thresher: Destination reached. Disarm hatch. And release Psycho-Blasters.
The team stares at the top of the Waterpede where a hatch holding various guns called Psycho-Blasters drops in front of them. Each of them takes one, while King Crab takes two, and he nods as one of the barrels of his Psycho-Blaster rotates.
King Crab: I'm ready.
Leviathan: Hustle up, team. Our objective is to go in, find General Direwolf and see what he's up to. If we find any signs of Disney toons, we shoot them.
Aquatic Squad: Sir, yes, sir!
Soon enough, the decompression chamber has water filling up the room. Outside the Waterpede, as the lights go out, a door on the side opens and the Aquatic Squad are exiting the vehicle. Bull shark takes point and swims to the nearby cliff like he is flying.
Mako: There seems to be no sign of life.
Leviathan: We're heading for the surface, Mako.
Bull Shark is looking at the bottom of the cliff, as something fast swims past him.
Bull Shark: Whoa. What's that?
King Crab: What's what?
Bull Shark: I don't know, but it sounds big to me.
Sea Serpent: Bull Shark, pull yourself together. There's nothing down here but us.
Before anyone can notice, the shark from The Little Mermaid appears from the cliff, behind Mako, jaws wide open. It chomps down, chasing after Mako.
Mako: Ahh! Shark alert! We're gonna die!
The team form up and begin shooting their blasters at the shark, blasting some kind of energy that glows bright blue.
Leviathan: Unite in battle formation.
Sea Serpent: Let's get them.
Sea Serpent shoots at the shark, barely missing. King Crab is shooting both of his Psycho-Blasters at the shark, but it swims towards the humans as Bull Shark appears behind to grab the tail.
Bull Shark: Take this!
He bangs the shark's head on the side of the Waterpede. Leviathan is about to shoot, but his blaster is already out of juice.
Leviathan: Go for shore! Go for shore!
The shark chases the team, and they swim away around a downed ship's mast. Mako bumps into a crossbeam. The shark lunges towards Mako, but misses as Flounder sinks towards the bottom with a dazed look. Sea Serpent spots him, and fires a grappling hook from her gauntlet to catch him. The shark races towards them, but his head gets stuck in the ring of an anchor.
Act Eight
At the shores of Lake Pontchartrain, Direwolf's team makes a stop at the edge of the woods, having a quick bite to eat.
Proto: Ladies, you got nine minutes. We're nearing the perimeter. Everybody, stay in sight. And that includes you, Zoey.
Direwolf is sitting alone on a rock, drinking a diet Coke, but he is seeing another illusion of Zurg in front of him.
Zurg: If you look up to a toy, you look down on everyone! [echoes]
Zoey: General?
Snapping out of it, Direwolf finds out Zurg is gone.
Direwolf: Uh… it's nothing.
Zoey: Are you sure? Because you look like you've seen a ghost.
Direwolf: I said it's nothing, so don't worry about it.
Kikki: Hey. Are you gonna marry Susan?
Direwolf: What?! Have you actually gone bananas?! No! She's just someone from school.
Kikki: Plus you love her. [happily sings] You love her! You love her! You really, really love her!
Direwolf: Okay, stop. That's a song of lies. She doesn't even like me. Now let me drink.
Susan watches how Direwolf interacts with the girls, and as she looks at him, she slowly grows a smile, until Proto comes over to her side.
Proto: Susan? Maybe you and I need to… talk about something.
Susan: If it's about John, let's hear it.
Proto: Listen, it is true. John can behave immaturely, but when he has a line of work or when his friends are in danger, that's when he takes things seriously. I should know, because I've been with him for decades.
Susan: I know, Seamus. We both know that. When I first saw him, I thought he was kinda cute. But I only wanted to know if he has changed since then.
Proto: He has. If it weren't for Dieter, John would only think about destroying Disney and all of its characters. But last summer, he gave Mickey and friends a chance to join the Resistance, and stopped Zurg from killing Walt Disney himself, all out of the goodness in his heart. He has matured, but he still likes anime because it helps him to know who he is. So what stopped you?
[5 second silence]
Susan: My friends and I would geek about anime and stuff. When I heard that John was a fan too, I felt like we had much in common. But as the years went by, my friends started switching Sailor Moon and Dragonball for fingernail painting and pop music. Afraid of being neglectful… I changed my ways too.
After hearing that, Proto is looking sorry and surprised about this.
Susan: And so, I just ignored him… worried that he would talk about something I wouldn't remember.
Proto: Why didn't you tell him?
Susan: Because I didn't want to hurt his feelings.
Proto: [pauses] You wouldn't. Because he misses that time too. He misses the days when we were in junior high. But he also misses the time when he looked up to Buzz Lightyear, which helped him be what he always wanted to be: someone who can save lives. He was even upset when the English dubbing got cancelled for Mew Mew Power, which is why these girls came along so they can have recognition. But he learned that change is good. It's not easy, but it's a part of life, and he'd like it if you were in his life. Because I know you like him too.
Proto walks away, and Susan is blushing as she hides her face, knowing that it is true. Then, the radar on Proto's forearm starts beeping.
Proto: An energy signal. It's close.
Zoey: Woah, you got something?
Proto: That's Stormbreaker alright. It's-
Mini-Mew: [beeps] Human alert. Human alert.
Corina: There's more people here?
Susan: Look over there.
At the shores of Lake Pontchartrain, the Aquatic Squad submerge and rush over to dry land, removing their masks and breathing for air.
Sea Serpent: We're all accounted for, Lieutenant. No casualties, so there.
Leviathan: That's good to hear.
Direwolf: Leviathan?
Direwolf walks over to the squad, but an eyeball opens behind his foot.
Direwolf: Explain yourself.
Leviathan: Uh… I was told to accompany you. Orders of the Chairman.
Direwolf: I don't need assistance. I've got the Mew Mews with me.
Bull Shark: You mean those animal crackers? [laughs]
Corina: Augh, all this for recognition.
Susan turns around, and her face takes on a look of fright when a crocodile sneaks up from behind.
Susan: Behind you!
Zoey turns and screams, before the gator snaps at her, missing her tail. The ground rises beneath the team, revealing several crocodiles.
Zoey: Run!
The Mew Mews climb a rock in the water, right before another croc tries to snap at them. The li-acs are rushing ahead to a tree for shelter, and the Aquatic Squad are shooting their guns to send them away.
Renée: This way!
Renée and Zoey leap off before the crocodile climbs onto the rock, snapping its jaws in empty air. The Mew Mews run across the bodies of several crocodiles. A croc lifts its tail, causing Bridget to fall into the water. Toothless shoots with his plasma blast, but a crocodile snatches his tail and drags him along underwater.
Proto: Toothless!
Direwolf: Everyone, get to shore, pronto!
Following the General's lead, everyone runs across some logs to get away from the animals, but Susan loses her balance, slips down and falls into the water. She emerges from underwater, flailing, before she sees a crocodile swimming toward her.
Susan: [gasps]
Direwolf: Susan, hang on!
Susan clings to a nearby tree, whimpering as a crocodile's jaws surround her. At the last second, Direwolf dives in and wrestles the animal.
Direwolf: Not in your life, jaws!
Underwater, Toothless is still being dragged, until Mako dives down to shoot at the crocodile's face, freeing the dragon to go free. However, the shark from before comes back with its open jaws, then comes Bridget as a mermaid, swimming past to snatch Mako away. At full speed, the shark accidentally bumps into the crocodile Direwolf is wrestling. The crocodiles turn and advance on the shark, eating it.
Direwolf: Move it, quickly!
Everyone climbs up a tree to higher ground. A crocodile lunges after them, biting the tree. Leviathan climbs to the top of a nearby cliff. The tree shakes beneath Zoey as the crocodile bites it.
Zoey: Whoa!
Then, Toothless grabs her tail with his mouth, and yanks up to higher ground, saving her from falling. Bridget swims upward, and her tail changes back to legs. Now that the chase is over, Direwolf and Leviathan peer over the ledge to the swamp below. The crocodiles swarm up the side of the cliff but are unable to climb it.
Leviathan: Note to self: scan the area before you land.
Kikki: Bridget, you were a mermaid again, weren't you?
Bridget: I brought some Blue Aqua with me just in case. Is that a bad thing?
Mako: Uh, no, but…. You… didn't have to. Although I appreciate it.
Susan: [to Direwolf] Are you crazy? You wrestled an alligator, and you would've died.
Direwolf: Those were crocodiles. Alligators have shorter snouts, and… I did it for your safety. That's my job, to protect civilians, just like these girls.
Susan stares at Direwolf with disbelief, but she quickly realizes that Proto was right about him, so she smiles. All of a sudden, Proto's radar beeps and he follows it all the way to a cave with a glittering glow inside. He walks in followed by the others, and there's a massive pile of treasure.
Proto: This is it. Tamatoa's lair.
Kikki: Look at all that treasure! Let's go get some!
Kikki is about to go, until Zoey and Renée grab her tail to drag her back.
Zoey: Kikki, no! We can't just take something.
Renée: We're only here for the axe.
Bridget: There it is.
Bridget points ahead to reveal Stormbreaker on the pile.
Direwolf: This is our chance to get it back.
Leviathan: Do you… have a plan, General?
Direwolf: I do. Look, it's us against him, so Tamatoa can't be focused on so many faces at once. Before we, Leviathan needs to secure the area in case the Dark Side would show up before we know it.
Leviathan: Yes, sir. We can do that.
Direwolf: While that's handled, someone needs to distract him, so that Proto can climb up on that high ledge to get over and snatch Storbreaker before he'd ever notice us.
Corina: So who's gonna do it?
Kikki: How about rock-paper-scissors?
Meanwhile, Grinder and Bender are both sitting down at the cockpit of the Mammoth, looking at the percentage gauge for the power.
Grinder: 98 percent. In a few more minutes, we'll be at full power.
Bender: Good. Because I'm running low on beer.
[beeping]
Grinder: Huh? Proximity alert?
Grinder checks on his radar screen where the beeping's coming from, and whatever he sees is something disturbing to him.
Act Nine
Back in New Orleans, Corina walks along, covered in sparkling shells, beating a drum, while Zoey laughs at her quietly.
Corina: [whispering] This is stupid. I can't believe Zoey beat me at rock-paper-scissors.
Proto: [whispering] Now listen, when you see Tamatoa, make him talk about himself. He loves bragging about how great he is.
Zoey: [whispering] Sounds like someone Corina could date.
Proto: Yeah, but he's not even human.
Corina: What do you mean he's not…?
But when Corina looks back, everyone is gone.
Corina: Proto? Where'd everybody go?
All of a sudden, the treasure begins to move like something is underneath it, and Corina is snatched up by Tamatoa from Moana, who has the treasure as his shell.
Tamatoa: Oohoo, hoo, hoo, hoo. What have we here? It's a sparkly, shiny- Wait a minute.
He tosses Corina into the air, making her lose the seashells covering her.
Tamatoa: Ugh. It's a human! What're you doing here in my-
But Tamatoa's eyes are twitching, causing Corina to look back and forth between them.
Tamatoa: Just pick an eye, babe. I can't…. I can't concentrate on what I'm saying if you keep- Yeah, pick one. Pick one! [beat] What are you supposed to be, some kind of bird-girl? You look like a bird. Smell like a bird.
He uses his antennae to smell her, but Corina smacks them away in disgust.
Corina: Stop it. That's disgusting.
Tamatoa: [girly voice] "That's disgusting". [normal voice] They're called antennae! And I'm sorry I don't have a nose because that's how I smell. Why are you here?
During the talk, Proto is sneaking his way upward to the shell. But with Tamatoa picking up another scent with his antennae, Corina had to distract him.
Corina: Because of you! [pauses] I mean, my folks have booked me for a ballet recital, where a crab who… became a legend fends off the unworthy. And I came all the way here to find…. [nervously] Inspiration… from you?
Tamatoa: [suspiciously] Are you just trying to get me to talk about myself? If you are…. [cheerfully] I would like to very much! [clears throat] I go by the name of Tamatoa, and I wasn't always this glam. I was a troubling little crab once, but now I'm beautiful, baby, I could be happy as a clam. I'd like to be so shiny, scrubbed clean, polished, and all that 24/7. This shell is not only glittering, but it's tough. I really can't hide myself, not with all this treasure all over me.
As Tamatoa continues his talk, this is Proto's chance to get Stormbreaker off of the shell. He pushes a button on his wrist, launching one of his hands attached to a cable, and it catches the axe's handle.
Corina: I, uh…. I do share that feeling. I can't hide myself because I'm too perfect.
Tamatoa: Perfect? Ha! Don't make me laugh. Being perfect wouldn't mean for something or someone so squishy… or juicy. You, on the other hand, look like fast food, and I just love free food.
Tamatoa opens his mouth, about to eat the scared Corina, until….
Direwolf: Hey! Crabby!
Direwolf stands on the upper level, holding Stormbreaker in his hand, and Tamatoa is shocked to see him.
Direwolf: No one eats one of those girls on my watch.
Tamatoa: The Resistance. You can't steal from me. [beat] Wait a minute. You took something from my shell, so you did. You keep surprising me!
Corina manages to break herself free from Tamatoa's claw, and she kicks him in the face before running off.
Corina: I'd like it better when you're human!
Enraged, Tamatoa goes after the intruders running across his lair. The moment they get out, Direwolf whacks the giant crab on the face, sending him flying off into the sky. With that done, he kisses Stormbreaker.
Direwolf: Stormbreaker, I missed you.
Proto: That was a close one.
Corina: Close one?! [to Zoey] You should've been the one sacrificed to that crab! He almost ate me!
Zoey: Yeah, but… I figured he was right up your alley.
Corina: [grumbles]
Bridget: Hey, let's just relax, okay? I've brought lunch for us.
Kikki: Good, because I'm starving.
Bridget opens a lunch box, letting her friends have some food. But the moment Kikki bites into her sandwich, a spider crawls up on it. She, disgusted at having almost devoured a bug, spits it out. Suddenly, the girls screech in alarm as hundreds more of its kind suddenly swarm the area.
Susan: SPIDERS! I hate spiders!
Sea Serpent: Stand back, I got this!
Sea Serpent sprays the spiders with smoke from the tank on her back, but the smoke just makes them all colossal into a familiar shape; Jafar.
Everyone: Jafar!
Jafar: Sorry to spoil your picnic, but I can't have any freedom fighters mocking about ruining our plans.
Zoey: Don't worry. He's a genie and genies can't kill anyone.
At that moment, Jafar turns both of his hands into dragon heads that breathe fire all over Zoey.
Zoey: [wheezing] Unless he didn't make that third wish.
Jafar: [chuckles] Anime girls always WERE good for a laugh.
Corina: Oh, yeah?! Heart Arrow!
Corina makes her first attack, which kicks up a cloud of dust, and as it clears, Jafar is seemingly defeated.
Corina: [chuckles triumphantly] Who's laughing now?!
But everyone is astonished to hear Jafar's evil laughter as he reforms, somehow unscathed from that attack.
Jafar: Why, I believe it's me.
With his staff, Jafar blasts the Mew Mews with lightning, sending them scattered everywhere. Before Direwolf and the others would react, dozens of Sith Troopers from The Rise of Skywalker appear to fire their blasters at them, forcing them into retreat. Proto flips up his comm. link to make contact.
Proto: Mayday, mayday! Come in, Grinder! We need backup! Grinder, do you copy! [pauses] No answer.
Leviathan: We're gonna have to take him on our own. Orders, sir?
Direwolf: We're gonna have to take on the troopers. Buy the Mew Mews some time to recover, then they can take on Jafar.
Bull Shark: Take on him? But they're just kids.
Direwolf: They came here for recognition, and they're superheroes, so they can handle it. Counter attack!
Proto jumps up first, arming his grenade launcher, and he fires a few bombs at the Sith Troopers. But instead of an explosive impact, the bombs unleash a gas that the troopers smell, and they barf like they are nauseated.
Proto: Puke-bomb launchers. Thank you, Nefario.
Now that the troopers on the front lines are down, the Aquatic Squad fall out and open fire at the others, using their Psycho-Blasters, which Direwolf is amazed to see their firepower. Susan stays put behind a truck for safety, until Jafar spots her.
Jafar: Ah, ah, ah- Your time is up!
But when Jafar fires her with his staff, Direwolf deflects it with a mirror in hand, trapping him in a giant hourglass as the sand pours onto him.
Direwolf: [smugly] Like you said.
The Mew Mews regain their consciousness, to see the others taking heavy fire by the Sith Troopers.
Kikki: Looks really bad, you guys.
Zoey: We gotta do something.
Renée: You're right. Let's go help them!
An ice cream truck jingle of "Pop Goes the Weasel" plays, coming from a parked trailer as an announcer speaks from speakers.
Announcer: Who wants some ice cream?
The doors swing open revealing the Mew Mews' opponent: A giant monster-wheeled ice cream truck, which came from the Cars franchise.
Announcer: The I-Screamer!
The girls all look shocked as the big truck enters the area.
I-Screamer: I'm gonna make you scream!
Bridget: [screams]
The bell rings and the truck chases after the Mew Mews, which Proto notices.
Proto: Sir! The girls!
Direwolf: I got this!
Direwolf holds firmly on Stormbreaker, and when he rushes over to help the Mew Mews, Plotz shows up in front of him with his lightsaber-hammer.
Direwolf: Plotz, get out of my way!
Plotz: Forget about them, Curtis. You shouldn't be wasting your time with mutated people like those back there.
Direwolf: Those "mutants" are more human than you'd ever be.
The two of them clash their weapons together, starting their fight.
Bridget: Combat Castanets! Deep Sea Surge Attack!
But Bridget's attack barely puts a dent on the I-Screamer, before he drives over to run over the girls.
Corina: This day is more embarrassing. First I had to flirt with a crab, and now I'm being chased by an ice cream truck.
Kikki: Yeah, I share that…. [realizing] Wait, I got it!
The I-Screamer proceeds to chase after the Mew Mews, until he hears a call and looks down to see Kikki dressed in different clothing.
Kikki: Excuse me, mister. Can I have two scoops of goody goody gum drops on a waffle cone please?
I-Screamer: Huh. Oh. Sure kid. That's a very popular flavour in New Zealand.
Fooled, the I-Screamer turns around and Kikki draws her Golden Tambourine!
Kikki: Tambourine Trench!
Then, the I-Screamer is flipped upside down and falls down, defeated.
Kikki: You know, it's sad being an ice cream truck.
But Jafar breaks out of the hourglass, and throws all the sand in the air overhead of the Mew Mews.
Jafar: Very resourceful. I'm just getting warmed up.
He blows fire at the sand, and they fall down into glass, raining down upon the cowering Mew Mews as he laughed hideously. But then, Toothless comes flying down, firing his plasma blast at the raining glass to disintegrate them, saving the girls. Mini-Mew flies toward the Jafar's staff, and snatches it out of his grasp.
Zoey: Mini-Mew?
Jafar: Troopers, shoot that furball!
The Sith Troopers fire back, but Mini-Mew keeps flying away and Toothless snatches him before he would get shot.
Mini-Mew: Thanks, Toothless.
On the ground, Direwolf and Plotz are still fighting, until the General sees Ralph down a hill, and he gets an idea. He slides down the railing of a winding staircase; Plotz follows suit. At the bottom of the stairs, Ralph awaits with a knife poised to meet Direwolf, who jumps off the railing and watches Plotz slide by and get stabbed. The poke sends him back up the staircase in pain, then he strode down the stairs to face Ralph.
Ralph: Duh, Mr. Plotz, I…. You- but-but-but-
But Plotz grabs the knife and Ralph prepares, resigned to the fact that he is about to again get the "point", and goes howling into the air again.
Direwolf: [amused] Toons. Gets 'em every time.
Act Ten
But Jafar regains his staff, and he is about to do something with the Mew Mews, but Direwolf gets in front of them with Proto at his side.
Proto: This is as far as you can go, Jafar.
Jafar: You think you can defeat me?
Direwolf: We kicked your ass two years ago, and we beat it again.
Direwolf channels lightning from the sky to Stormbreaker, and he fires it all to Jafar, who blocks it with his staff.
Direwolf: Zoey! Rose Bell! Do it now!
Zoey: Right!
Zoey arms herself with her Strawberry Bell and Rose Bell, combining them.
Zoey: Rose Bell, Full Power!
She fires the beam at Jafar, and combined with the powers of Stormbreaker, the snake staff breaks apart into pieces. Jafar flinched, shocked to see that.
Zoey: Whoa, that was new.
Direwolf: Yeah, I know. Maybe I should've thought of that when we were fighting off Hades. [to Jafar] As for YOU!
Jafar: [backing away] Now, now, General. All this can be explained. But then again….
Dozens of more Sith Troopers show up, holding the heroes at gunpoint, and then Satan arrives in the air, throwing the tangled Toothless to the ground. Looking at her now, Direwolf is suddenly stricken by her.
Direwolf: Wow! That is one dynamite gal.
Satan: Don't even say it. Sexual relationships between toons and li-acs are forbiddon, and you are my enemies.
Jafar: Surprised? Satan here understands law and order here, worthy of serving the Crossover Resource Committee if I like to bring up. Now, this fight is finished. Surrender we can spare your lives.
Proto: It's against our protocols to make deals with the Dark Side.
Jafar: Then… you're all done for.
All the Sith Troopers load their guns, but before they can fire, the Mammoth finally arrives, swinging a magnetic winch from the crane on the back.
Grinder: Make way for my Flailing Bender!
Bender kicks his legs and waves his arms around as he flies around attached to the winch.
Bender: [singing] She'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes, She'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes- [talking] I'm gonna kill you, meatbag! [singing] She'll be comin' round the mountain, She'll be comin' round the mountain, She'll be comin'-
He slams onto Satan, knocking them down, and the Mammoth opens fire at the Sith Troopers. Then, Direwolf takes out a black rocket from his backpack, loads it onto Proto's rocket launcher, and he fires at the enemy, including Plotz and Ralph, minus Jafar.
Jafar: This is only the beginning, Curtis!
Jafar pulls a phial from his pocket. Susan sees this and rushes him, but Jafar throws the phial to the floor. A large red cloud appears. When it is gone, so is Jafar. But with the battle down, the whole team rushes over to get into the Mammoth as it drives away. Toothless frees himself, flies in with Mini-Mew, and he smiles at Zoey, showing his toothless mouth.
Zoey: [giggles] Oh, you!
Corina: Is it over? Please tell me it is.
Renée: It is. We got what we needed. We're going home now.
As Direwolf takes his leave with Proto, Leviathan looks at him, thinking that maybe he misjudged the general, and had some thoughts about something.
Afterwards, Direwolf and Proto are back in Universal with Leviathan, but Pinky and Brain are in the General's office where the mice explain what they saw back in the Diamond.
Brain: And there you have it. That soldier was conspiring with Maleficent.
Direwolf: Maleficent was in the Diamond?
Leviathan: No, she was on some communicator, but we did talk to her. She's aware of your trial last week, and that's when the Chairman got involved. You see, he's bribing the Dark Side with cold-hard cash, but he's planning to double cross them.
Proto: How are you going to handle this?
Leviathan: You saw our weapons, right? They're called Psycho-Blasters. The armory has channeled psychic powers into pure energy, harnessing them into batteries, and these bad boys fire them. But they're only prototypes, so we're still working on them.
Proto: Well, if I look into them, maybe I can assist with it.
Direwolf: Not right now, Proto. Whatever the reason Dodger wants from the Dark Side, we'll keep it to ourselves. Get the TV set.
Two minions carry a presentation stand to Direwolf and Proto. A large screen TV turns on revealing Dodger at his desk.
Direwolf: Sorry to bother you Mr. Chairman, but I figured that you would want to see this.
The two move back to reveal the freezing cannon. Brain aims it at a giant cinderblock and fires it. The cinderblock gets frozen, and when Proto taps on it, it shatters into pieces. Dodger looks surprised by this.
Dodger: Well done, General. Rather impressive.
Direwolf smiles; he reaches for a set of slick art cards on an easel.
Direwolf: Now the rest of the plan is simple.
Dodger: No need to continue. I've seen quite enough.
Direwolf: But I haven't even-
Dodger: It's a great plan. I love everything about your plan. Except for one thing: You.
Direwolf: What? But…. I… don't understand.
Dodger: Let's face reality, General. The Resistance was a success, but that was in the past, and people are too focused for the future. If the Dark Side of Disney gets involved, I will deal with this, without the need of a militia. All I can do now is wish you luck… while you still have it.
He holds an apple in his hand and crushes it before the screen goes black. Direwolf just stands there, and he sulks over to sit alone on his desk.
Leviathan: I'm sorry, sir. He wanted to turn you down anyway. And…. I might've misjudged you. I thought you were just some nincompoop in a suit, but I can see a soldier inside of you when you stood up for those girls.
Direwolf: Yeah, I did. Because… those girls were thinking they were things of the past, but none of them are things. They're people, just like us. But now, for money? We'll just proceed with the Cheetos sweepstakes again.
Proto: Uh, sir? The golden ticket was already found in New York, and the winner has sixty-two thousand dollars. So… we lost.
Direwolf: [sighs] I'm finished.
But then, Susan enters the office with an iPad in hand.
Susan: Not quite, John. Because I happen to work for the bookkeeping department of the CRC, and after witnessing your bravery and motivation, I've decided to fund the Resistance.
Direwolf: [surprised] Really?
Susan: Yes. I was a real jerk to you since before your trial, and I felt bad for the way I talked to you. But after seeing how much you've matured, I can see I was wrong about you. So… I'll be aiding your financial problems as my way of thanking you for saving my life.
A smile creeps across Direwolf's face as he gets a newfound hope inside.
Direwolf: Yes. Yes! We will fight them our way! Using this and whatever else we can find! Proto, call all units! Grab everything! Hit the junkyards! Take apart the cars! Who needs the government?!
Proto: [salutes proudly] Yes, sir!
The Dark Side watches the scene on a hologram, as Satan drags over the dead bodies of Plotz and Ralph, who are all smiling.
Hades: Looks like they're back in action. But yeah, if that pussy cat did the same trick on me with that axe, I would've been singed.
Ursula: Yes, because it's a godly weapon.
Satan: And that means… he holds the power to destroy all of us in this room.
Jafar: No matter. We're arranging a little… surprise for the Resistance, and our job is to lead them to the party.
Maleficent: Not only that, but with Plotz dead, that means we have control of his entire dowry. They all think it's about stopping the Firebird, but they don't really know what's coming to them. As long as we have this.
Maleficent turns over to the Double-R Device, and she laughs evilly to know everything is going as planned.
The End