Chapter 10 - Hail Mary

CAELEIGH'S POINT OF VIEW:

"Leave it to long division to make a girl feel like an absolute moron," I groaned.

"Math was never my best subject either," Esme sympathized. "Don't get discouraged now. If that particular question is causing too much trouble, just move on to the next one. You can come back to it, and even if you get it wrong, it's not a big deal. The purpose of this exam is to give me an idea of what you already know and what you've yet to learn."

"I'm worried this test will send me back to the first grade," I grumbled, mostly sarcastically but also with a titch of genuine fear that I would be deemed illiterate.

"You know more than you think you do. I probably shouldn't say this until after you've finished, but you've gotten almost every answer correct so far, and there are only seven questions left. Even if you get the rest of them wrong, your total score will still be well above ninety percent," Esme told me.

That made me feel better. Perhaps I wasn't actually as dumb as I thought. With my confidence significantly boosted from what it had been a minute ago, I quietly completed the remainder of the exam. Aside from a few complicated math problems, the test really wasn't too grueling. I'd just been out of proper schooling for so long that I second-guessed myself on everything. I was very relieved to learn that I wasn't severely behind on my education. My life was challenging enough, I didn't need the added inconvenience of having to play catch-up in order to not be stupid.

"How far behind am I?" I asked after Esme looked over my test a final time.

Esme smiled as she typed away at her laptop for a few seconds. "Come around, I want to show you something."

I got up from my chair and shuffled around to the other side of the dining room table, less than eager to learn my fate. The computer screen displayed multiple charts and bar graphs. "What am I looking at?"

"This is your performance profile. I graded your exam and input the scores into this database to obtain your overall total score and see where you fall amongst your cohort. See this graph right here?" She pointed her pen at the horizontal bar graph at the top of the page. "This means that you scored higher than ninety-seven percent of students who took this exam in the past year. That is significantly higher than the national average. Your score is exemplary, Caeleigh! I'm very proud of you!"

Her praise evoked warm and fuzzy feelings. "Thank you, Esme. I'm sorry I gave you a hard time about taking the test. I was really nervous I'd fail."

Esme shut the laptop and scooted her chair back from the table. She gracefully rose to her feet and took hold of my hands, smiling kindly at me. "You need to believe in yourself more."

I nodded, my gaze dropping to the floor. "I know I'm not an idiot, I just feel stupid a lot of the time. Most days I can barely keep a thought in my brain because I get so distracted by my own… inner turmoil. I'm so forgetful, too."

Esme's cold hands brushed up and down my forearms. "You've been through a lot. I think you're functioning very well in spite of all the stress. Your focus will improve as you continue to heal, and it's okay if you have to move at a slower pace in the meantime. It's not a race."

"I know it's not a race, but I still feel behind," I said. "Not just in school, but in life. I'm fifteen and have nothing to show for it because I've just been playing this perpetual game of survival. It's hard to believe I could ever build anything worthwhile because I've had to start over so many times. I'm tired of being alone and insignificant."

"I'm sorry you have such a strong feeling of despair," Esme sympathized, her soft face communicating an expression of sadness for me.

A few tears leaked from my eyes. "I'm scared I'm just going to… rot, you know?"

Esme immediately took me into her motherly embrace. "We won't let that happen, Caeleigh," she comforted. "It's not going to be this hard forever. We will help you find your way again towards a life you love."

"How?" I asked.

"By taking it one step at a time," she replied. "For example, today we determined where you're at with your academics. We can start homeschool to keep you on track to graduate, and even though you won't be attending Forks High School as a student—unless you change your mind about homeschooling—you can still participate in sports and activities. That's one opportunity to meet people and make friends to combat the loneliness you feel. We can also look into part-time jobs if you're interested in working. Have you thought about what you might like to go to college for?"

"A little," I said, taking a deep breath to center myself. "I think I want to work in healthcare, but I'm not sure what I want to do exactly."

I felt my face flush red. I was embarrassed to share that I wanted to become a clinician of some sort. Esme didn't really know about my fear of all things medical related, but if she did, she would probably laugh at me. At least, that was my worry, that she would judge me. I didn't mind that my answer was a bit ironic given the circumstances, but the thought of her finding amusement in the contradiction brought up a ton of shame within me for whatever reason. Of course, I knew she of all people would be the last person to mock me for anything. My irrational fears were just running rampant again.

Esme smiled. "That's all right, there's no need to have it all figured out yet. Perhaps you could shadow a few different positions at the hospital to find out which roles you could see yourself in. Carlisle will be elated to learn of your interest in the medical field; he'll probably just bring you to work with him."

I appreciated how encouraging Esme was being; however, she was pursuing this about a million miles an hour faster than I was prepared for. My career prospects weren't anything more than a loosely formed thought in my head. I wasn't ready to actively commit to this path, or any other endeavor for that matter. Right now, things as simple as breathing were overwhelming to me. I'd been drowning for so long without the relief of death. Treading water had taken everything out of me. I'd been rescued, I was safe now, and I had so much to be thankful for… But I was also so tired. I couldn't think beyond today.

"Can we not tell Carlisle yet? I'd like to wait a while just in case I change my mind. I don't want him to get all excited that I'm going into healthcare only to be disappointed in me if I end up doing something else," I explained.

Esme wrapped her arm around my shoulders. "It's very seldom that I speak for my husband, but I can tell you this with complete confidence that it is true. Carlisle wouldn't be disappointed in you for deciding to pursue what inspires you. He will be pleased with you if you follow your heart, regardless of the specific path. You don't need to worry about what he would think, he would want you to choose freely."

I wanted to believe her—I believed that she believed what she was saying was true—but I felt she wasn't taking into account the fact that I was still an outsider. I hadn't yet proven myself to Carlisle, hadn't yet earned the place he'd given me in his home. I knew he'd never say it to my face, but he was expecting something impressive in return. I needed to become someone he could be proud of, and that was a tall order for an insignificant, unaccomplished problem child like myself.

"I'd still rather not share my potential ambitions with him quite yet, if that's okay," I requested tentatively.

"Of course," Esme agreed. "You can tell him whenever you are ready."

"Thanks," I replied gratefully. "Speaking of Carlisle, do you know when he'll be back?"

My abandonment anxiety had grown to an almost unbearable strength in Carlisle's absence. I was off balance without him, like a planet unable to orbit the sun. The abyss of despair taunted me in my weakness, threatening to entomb me in my own mind at the loss of he who kept my head above water. I knew my thinking was irrational, Carlisle hadn't abandoned me, today, but I couldn't help the nagging insecurity that I would lose him someday.

"He should be home very soon. Why don't we give him a call to see where he's at?" she suggested, grabbing her phone.

"Yeah, that's a good idea," I said, already finding comfort in the possibility of contacting him and knowing where he was.

She tapped the screen a couple of times and slid the device over to me. "Here you go."

"You want me to call?" I asked, flustered.

"Why not? I think hearing your voice would be a pleasant surprise for him. I'll let you do that while I use the restroom. Please, excuse me, I'll be back in a minute," Esme said, leaving the table and disappearing down the hallway.

Alone in the giant dining room, I let out a loud sigh. I hated talking on the phone. I struggled with social anxiety in certain situations, especially with people I wasn't totally comfortable with. I guess that meant I had social anxiety with everyone given that I couldn't think of a single person I was one hundred percent comfortable with, maybe with the exception of my siblings. My heart squeezed painfully at the thought of them. How I missed my four little chickadees.

I stared at Esme's phone for several seconds. Carlisle's number was already queued up, all I had to do was touch the bright green call icon. I didn't quite understand why I was so nervous to call him. We'd already interacted on levels much more intimate than a phone call. As a doctor he cared for me, was a safe adult for me to share my personal issues with, and now he was my foster parent whom I spent nearly every waking hour with, who held me every night until I fell asleep. He was the person I now could not live without. Certainly, I could manage to talk to him on the phone for a couple of minutes.

Finally convincing myself, I hit the button and put the phone to my ear. It rang only once before connecting. "Hello?" Carlisle answered in his smooth, calm voice.

"Hi Carlisle, it's Caeleigh," I said, my voice high and trembling.

"Hello, sweetheart," he warmly welcomed, his soft tone comforting me instantly. "What can I do for you?"

"Um… I just wanted to ask when you'll be home?"

"I'll be there in about twenty minutes. I'm passing by Bug and Buf's Espresso, would you like a coffee?"

Coffee sounded amazing. I'd woken up shortly before four o'clock this morning, and it wasn't even six yet but I was already wanting a nap. Esme was naturally an early riser, and she'd persuaded me to jump on taking the exam right away so we wouldn't have to worry about it for the rest of the day. I was glad to have completed it, but doing so seemed to have cost me all of my energy. Caffeine was necessary.

"Yeah, I'll take an iced mocha please," I said.

"All right. I'll get something for Esme as well, and then I'll be home."

"Sounds good. Thank you, Carlisle."

"Of course. See you soon, sweetheart."

"See you soon." I tapped the red icon to end the call.

I noticed my body was less tense now than it had been a few minutes ago. The nervousness about making the phone call had worn off, and hearing Carlisle's voice had increased my internal peace. He's on his way home, I kept telling myself. That notion soothed me. Even though it was only one night, and I got to sleep in his study, I missed him terribly.

I did enjoy having time with Esme this morning, though. I'd forgotten how much I missed having a mother. I wasn't as attached to her as I was to Carlisle, but I did like her and desired to know her better. I especially wanted to know her and Carlisle's love story. Perhaps I'd get the chance to ask her about it before Carlisle came home.

"Any luck reaching him?" Esme asked as she gracefully strode into the kitchen.

"Yes. He says he'll be here in about twenty minutes, but he's stopping at Bug and Buf's Espresso to get us a treat first," I told her.

"Wonderful." Esme flashed a sweet, alluring smile. "Can I get you something to eat? You've been awake for two hours and still haven't had breakfast. I have to believe you're in need of sustenance after working so hard on the placement test."

"Sure," I replied, realizing my body was definitely begging for food at this point. "Eggs and crispy potatoes would be great if it's not too much trouble."

"Of course," Esme granted happily. "It won't take me but a minute."

I made myself comfortable on a barstool at the kitchen island and let both my mind and eyes wander. Staring out at the lawn through the massive window wall, I found myself once again awed by my circumstances. Perhaps it was a bit childish, but I felt like a princess in her castle, peacefully tucked away in the forest, protected and hidden from the outside world. The idea of ever venturing out seemed relatively pointless given that I was already surrounded by the best of everything. Only, I'd want friends eventually.

I'd never imagined I'd get to live in a house like this with people like Carlisle and Esme. It still didn't feel real. My brain started to daydream about what my future life could look like given this new opportunity. I could think about more than simply surviving; my musings were equally exciting and overwhelming. I'd need a while to rest and rebuild myself, become the person I wanted other people to see, the person who could attract friends and potential partners. And once I did that, I could pursue the life that I wanted, full of friends, family, and most of all, children. I really wanted to have children.

My eyes wandered again, this time observing the glamorous interior of the kitchen, appreciating its beauty. There wasn't a hint of plastic or particle board anywhere, everything was genuine, sophisticated, and original. Whether stone or wood, the quality was made to last. Evidently no expense had been spared in the home's build, and its character seemed somehow reflective of Carlisle and Esme as people. The elegance was intimidating, but also inviting. As I admired the space, my eyes landed on a set of keys that were sitting on the counter. I noticed the Mercedes emblem and immediately grew curious.

"Did Carlisle take a different car?" I asked.

Esme looked at me for a moment, puzzled. Her eyes followed my line of sight to the Mercedes keyfob on the counter, and her facial expression changed to one of realization. "Oh, yes, he did. The Mercedes is overdue for an oil change."

"Gotcha," I responded.

I resumed staring out the window, watching the driveway in anticipation of Carlisle's return. For some reason, the fact that Carlisle's keys were on the counter bothered me. It just seemed strange. Carlisle didn't strike me as the kind of person to procrastinate car maintenance. I mean, the man was meticulous otherwise. Would he really fall behind on an oil change? Even if he did, it's not like the engine would have been damaged by an extra trip to Forks.

I was suddenly very suspicious of Esme. Had she lied to me?

No. I was insane. An overdue oil change was a perfectly valid explanation. Normal, boringly normal. Besides, the Cullens owned multiple cars, Carlisle could take any one of them just because he felt like it. I shouldn't think anything of it. This had to be just some sort of weird abandonment trauma response.

"Is everything okay, Caeleigh?" Esme inquired as she set a plate of food down in front of me.

"Um, yeah," I replied.

She didn't look convinced.

"Actually…" A plan hatched for an excuse to go check the garage to see which vehicle Carlisle had taken. "I think I left a sweatshirt in Carlisle's car. I've been looking for it in my closet, but I just remembered that I wore it the day we went to Seattle for my appointment. I must've taken it off in the car."

"Oh! Let me go get it for you," Esme offered, starting to walk towards the garage.

I stood up quickly. "No, I'll do it."

She smiled, but there was a tinge of nervousness in her expression. "You don't want your food to get cold. Please, eat. Allow me to take care of this for you."

I snorted. "I'm a foster kid, cold food doesn't bother me."

Esme smiled dropped, and her eyes blinked with sadness. "Honey, you don't have to eat cold food anymore."

Now I felt bad. She'd graciously prepared a hot meal for me, and here I was brushing it off and hurting her feelings. I would've eaten it right away, I just really wanted to check the garage to satisfy my strange anxiety about the car situation. I probably should've just told her why I wanted to go out to the garage, but my true reason seemed so silly that I didn't think she'd understand.

"I know, and I really appreciate the breakfast you've made me. I'll enjoy it just as soon as I grab my sweatshirt. Thank you for offering to get it for me, but I think it's good for me to do these types of things on my own, you know?" I said, attempting to smooth things over. "There are a lot of things that I need help with, but locating a missing sweatshirt is something I can do myself. I know it's a small, silly thing, but taking care of my own minor needs, like grabbing a sweatshirt when I'm chilly, makes me feel better about myself. I want to be more independent."

Esme opened her mouth to respond, and I expected her to resist my request again, but her expression changed subtly, reacting as if she'd been interrupted.

A smile returned to her face. "I understand. Go ahead," she granted, no longer objecting to my request.

Surprised she'd changed her tune, I wasted no time and made a beeline for the garage. I quickly descended the stairs, nearly tripping over my own feet, and barrelled down the lengthy hallway towards the interior garage door. I was panting a little by the time I reached the door. My weak body caused me to get winded easily. I spent a few seconds fumbling with the lock before I finally got the door open.

Carlisle stood on the other side of it, coffee beverages in hand, foiling my plans.

"Well, hello there," Carlisle greeted. "Excellent timing."

I blushed. "Hi."

He assessed my stunned demeanor. "I apologize for startling you."

"No worries," I said quietly, trying to recover. "I was just… Did I leave my sweatshirt in your car?"

He looked at me curiously. "No."

"Oh, I thought I did," I fibbed. "Maybe it's still in the laundry."

I shifted my weight to one side to discreetly peek around him into the garage. Sure enough, his Mercedes and the other eight cars were parked, and there were still two open spaces for the cars his children had driven to Alaska. It was impossible to tell which vehicle could have moved, I hadn't paid close enough attention the last time I was in here to detail the exact position of each car. I would've had to note the position of the tires or another precise landmark to tell if it was different from the way it had been previously.

Carlisle glanced over his shoulder, no doubt trying to figure out what the hell I was looking at, and returned his gaze to me. "Is that all?"

"Um, yeah. I guess I'll just grab a different one from my room," I said, moving aside to let Carlisle into the house.

"How has your morning been so far?" he asked, handing me my iced mocha.

"Pretty good. I scored really high on the placement exam Esme gave me. I'm not academically behind like I thought I'd be," I told him.

He grinned. "Great work, Caeleigh! You should take pride in that accomplishment."

I shrugged. "It's no big deal. More than anything, I'm relieved I don't have to repeat elementary or middle school."

"Well, I was never concerned about that," Carlisle replied, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and walking me back towards the staircase. "You are a beautiful, intelligent young woman, and I know you have the capacity to learn anything you choose to study."

"Thank you, Carlisle."

Returning to the kitchen, I sat down to finish my abandoned plate of food while Carlisle and Esme greeted each other. Their shared love was undeniable. Carlisle so tenderly and affectionately angled Esme's face upward to kiss her. She leaned her entire body into his, embracing him and running her hands up his back and around to rest on his shoulders. I looked away, trying to be respectful. Their canoodling was too cute.

"Can I take your dishes?" Esme asked after I'd cleaned my plate.

"Yes. Thank you for breakfast," I said politely.

She smiled. "You're welcome."

"Caeleigh, why don't you come take a seat on the couch with me?" Carlisle invited warmly. "Bring your coffee, we'll relax and have a little chat."

I nodded and walked with him into the next room, the living area on the other side of the fireplace wall. We sat down on the gray sectional, Carlisle on one side of the corner wedge and I on the other. I kicked my shoes off of my feet and folded my legs underneath me, settling into the supportive cushions. Carlisle, anticipating what I'd want next, pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and tossed it across my body. I shifted around in my spot until everything was just right and then took a sip of my delicious coffee.

I noticed Carlisle smiling at me.

"What?" I asked.

His golden eyes sparkled with care. "I just enjoy seeing you get a little more comfortable here every day, making yourself at home. It brings me happiness."

"Yeah, I guess it is starting to feel like home," I realized. "I remember I was so terrified to touch anything when you first brought me here. And the tantrum I threw about not deserving the beautiful bedroom you gave me."

Carlisle chuckled at the memory. "Adjusting to transitions can be hard."

"On a related note, I had a difficult time with you not being here," I admitted.

"I thought you might," he acknowledged compassionately. "What happened?"

"Nothing happened exactly," I replied. "I just… had a hard time with it. I didn't sleep well, and I woke up super early and couldn't go back to bed. I was comfy in your office, but I knew you weren't there so it wasn't the same. I've also been really anxious this morning, that's why I called you. I just feel all out of sorts when I'm not with you."

"Come here, sweetheart."

I crawled into his open arms and laid my head on his shoulder. He wrapped the blanket around me a couple of times and pulled me snug against his chest. His fingers began combing through my hair, causing my whole body to relax. I loved having my hair played with, I reveled in the sensation like a cat having its ears scratched. To think I'd been utterly terrified of Carlisle's hands as he tended to me that night in the hospital, and now his touch served as the greatest comfort to my anxious little heart.

I breathed in Carlisle's rich, earthy, magnetizing scent. He smelled like crisp morning air but a thousand times sweeter. I clung to him, basking in the peace and comfort he brought me simply by being here. It felt so natural to be held by him, I fit perfectly in his arms despite my size. I fully relaxed into his embrace, noticing every point of contact that connected us. My head on his shoulder; my torso against his, rising and falling with each breath; the way my lower body was curled up in his lap, and how he toyed with each tendril of my hair. I closed my eyes and listened to the sound of the raindrops pattering against the windows.

My eyelids shot open, and I realized I'd dozed off. That wasn't my goal, I'd wanted to enjoy my time with Carlisle and be conscious for every second of it, but due to lack of rest the night before, I'd fallen asleep unintentionally. I couldn't help it, I was exhausted, and Carlisle just made me feel so safe and comfortable. Combined with the steady rainfall, my fate was sealed with naptime. I instantly started berating myself. How stupid and weak of me to waste such precious time with Carlisle by snoozing.

"Easy does it, dear," Carlisle spoke gently. "You startled awake there."

I lifted my head and slowly sat up in his lap. His golden eyes sparkled as he looked at me while brushing my hair out of my face. He kissed my forehead and rubbed my back with fast, firm presses to stimulate me.

"I'm sorry," I apologized.

He frowned. "Whatever for?"

"For falling asleep," I said.

"Nonsense, sweetheart. There's no need to be sorry. You had a fitful night, of course you're tired," he sympathized.

"How long was I out for?" I asked, having zero concept of how much time had passed.

"Nearly three hours," Carlisle replied. "It's almost noon."

"Holy sh—crap!" I exclaimed. "Ugh, I hate wasting the day by napping."

"Be patient, we'll get your insomnia under control," he reassured. "I can validate your frustration with needing to sleep during the day. However, if it's any consolation, technically you didn't lose a single second of time with me this morning."

My heart melted. "You held me the whole time?"

He smiled. "I owed you for being absent last night."

I assumed that Carlisle had gone into work, but it occurred to me that he hadn't actually specified what it was he'd had to do. "What did you have to take care of last night, anyway?"

"A personal matter," he replied, neutral. "Before you start to worry too much, everything is fine."

My inner voice screamed at me to ask for more details, but I knew acting on that impulse ran contrary to respecting others' boundaries, an issue I desperately needed to work on because I had a tendency to pry inadvertently. The boundary Carlisle set was reasonable and healthy. He was allowed to keep private business from me, it simply wasn't my place to know, and that was okay.

At least, that's what I had to keep telling myself.

"How often will you have to leave for the night?" I asked. Making a fair yet investigative query would partially appease my curious mind.

Carlisle seemed happy to answer this question. "Well, I'm currently still on paternity leave. I'm considering going back to Harborview night shift next month depending on the stability of life here at home. I figured I'll start with one night a week and see if that works for our family. Next week I'll be working a mix of days and nights at the hospital here in Forks, so I'll be gone more frequently but I'll be close to home. Forks tends to be significantly less busy than Seattle, so I'll also be more available while I'm at work to answer your calls or even come home for short periods of time between patients. I plan to take one small step at a time and adjust accordingly based on your needs."

I pouted. "I suppose I can't expect you to wear me forever."

"I very much enjoy koala parenting," he merrily remarked. "My patients and coworkers need me too, but you come first."

"How do you do it?" I asked. "How do you manage working at two different hospitals, one of which is hours away, while also being a husband and father? I don't think I'd have time to breathe if I had half as many plates spinning in the air as you do."

"My family and my work are both very rewarding. I suppose it does make for a tight schedule at times, but we've always figured it out," he said. "Speaking of family, there is a conversation we need to have. The others will be returning home tonight."

My heart dropped to my stomach, and I instantly began sweating. I didn't know how to process this information, but I was reacting to it regardless. The thought of meeting the Cullens evoked anxiety and dread from the core of my being. What would they think of me? Would we get along? What if they think I'm weird? How hard will I have to compete with them to get enough attention from Carlisle? What if Carlisle saw me as lackluster compared to the rest of his kids? What if my inferiority to his children caused him to give me back to the foster system?

"Sweetheart? You're looking very pale. Are you feeling okay?"

His words sounded garbled and distant to my ears as if I were underwater. I felt unbearably hot all over, like my skin had been set on fire. Beads of sweat rolled down my forehead and neck. The rock in my stomach morphed into nausea so severe I thought I might vomit. My body trembled violently as muscle weakness set in. My vision became clouded, tunnel-like, and colors appeared washy.

I didn't even realize I'd fallen forward from dizziness until Carlisle caught my shoulders in his hands to prevent my face from smacking into the floor.

"I need you to breathe for me, Caeleigh," he commanded.

He wanted me to breathe right now? Ha!

"Please, before you become hypoxic."

My entire body suddenly felt extremely light, except for my head, which became too heavy for my neck to support. I tried to shift my weight to rebalance myself, but I felt like I was paralyzed. My head bobbed from side to side a couple of times, and I barely had time to notice that I was fading fast before everything went black.

"Caeleigh, can you hear me?"

Yes. Yes I can.

"She's still unresponsive. Esme, please wet a couple of towels with cold water and bring them to me."

What do you mean I'm unresponsive? I'm talking to you right now.

"What's going on with her?" I heard Esme ask. She sounded worried.

"Her blood pressure is extremely low. The last reading was fifty-four over twenty-seven."

Holy shit!

"Thank you, Esme," Carlisle said. "All right, Caeleigh, I'm going to slip this cold washcloth behind your neck. And place one across your forehead."

I barely noticed the coolness of the washcloths. It occurred to me that Carlisle hadn't replied to my words because I hadn't actually spoken them. I was too weak to talk. I tried to move my body, but my muscles were complete jello. I couldn't even open my eyes. I could think and hear, but it was incredibly frustrating to lack the ability to respond.

"Let's stack a few pillows by her feet so we can prop her legs up to help with blood flow. I don't want to put her on the floor," Carlisle said, presumably speaking to Esme.

I felt someone lift up my legs and place pillows beneath them. I tried again to open my eyes so I could see what was happening, but I couldn't move my eyelids. I started to feel scared and like I was going to cry. I hated having no control over my body.

Suddenly, I felt deep pressure in my thighs. Before I could register the pain, the pressure was taken away, but then it quickly returned. Large, cold hands were intermittently squeezing my legs. It didn't necessarily hurt; however, the pressure was enough to be uncomfortable. My eyes watered, and I tried to slide out from under the hands, but I still couldn't move my limbs.

"Is she any better?" Esme asked.

"Her pulse is strong but slow. Her brain needs more perfusion. I'm massaging her legs to assist with circulation since her blood pressure—though improving—is still very low. It would help if she could contract her muscles, but I don't think she's regained motor function yet," Carlisle explained.

"Her lips are starting to have some color again," Esme commented.

"Yes. She'll be okay. It can take some time to recover from a bad fainting spell, especially since she's anemic. Did she take her iron supplement this morning?" he asked.

"I don't think so. Actually, I've never seen her take it," Esme told him. "She keeps the bottle in her bedroom so she can take it before breakfast."

"I wonder if she's been forgetting her dose," Carlisle murmured.

Little did he know that the bottle of iron pills was unopened. I was terrified of taking medication, and I knew iron in particular could cause unpleasant side effects. I had too many digestive issues the way it was without iron complicating that with constipation. I wasn't looking forward to the inevitable moment when Carlisle would address me about my progress with the iron pills, but that was a problem for later. What he didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

As minutes passed, I slowly began feeling better. I still felt weak and lightheaded, but the numbness in my limbs had been replaced by a sensation of pins and needles, which I wouldn't describe as pleasant but at least it helped me feel a bit more aware. I attempted to open my eyes and achieved success this time.

Carlisle was directly in my line of sight and with a single look, I started bawling.

"Welcome back," he said softly, immediately leaning over me and caressing my cheek. "Take your time. It's okay. You're through the worst of it. Are you starting to feel like your strength is returning?"

I nodded, tears still streaming uncontrollably down my face.

"Good, that's good. You fainted and were unconscious for about seven minutes. It's just a very strong episode of vasovagal syncope, perfectly benign, but nonetheless stressful and scary I'm sure. Let yourself rest, there's no need to rush."

"Can I please have water?" I managed to ask, my voice little more than a croak.

"Certainly," Carlisle said, reaching for a glass of water that had already been placed on the coffee table. He wrapped his arm underneath my shoulders and helped me sit up enough to take a drink. Since I tolerated that really well, he helped me slowly sit up all the way. I kicked the pillows out from under my legs and swung my feet over towards the floor.

"Let's take it slow," Carlisle cautioned. "We'll stay like this for a few minutes before standing up."

I didn't argue. I wasn't opposed to spending a few extra minutes in Carlisle's arms. Although, I was extremely embarrassed by my reaction to the announcement that the rest of the Cullens would be coming home. I shouldn't have been so shocked by this news, of course they wouldn't stay in Alaska forever. This was their home more than it was mine.

"Fainting at the mention of your children coming home was not on my bingo card for today," I said.

Carlisle laughed. "I know the idea of meeting more new faces must be overwhelming. You were just getting used to us, hm?"

"I want to be put in a bubble with just you and Esme for a while longer," I said. "Anything more than that is too much for me right now. Have you seen the world lately? It's terrifying, I want nothing to do with it."

Carlisle chuckled softly. "Well, we do have to share our bubble with a few other individuals, but I can agree to keeping most of the world out until you're ready to engage with it on your own terms."

"And if I'm never ready?"

"I may nudge you eventually, expose you in small doses. I don't believe it's healthy to live as a hermit, and I wouldn't want fear to hold you back from experiencing the joys of life."

"I tend to experience the horrors of life, not the joys," I replied. "Hence why total seclusion sounds pretty damn good to me."

"You didn't have adequate protection before," Carlisle pointed out. "You're safe now, and you don't need to be afraid of the world. Such fearfulness is no way to live. You are capable of facing whatever you may be confronted with, and you will never have to be alone. I'll be right there with you. Even then, I suspect you won't need me as much as you think you will."

I looked up into his golden eyes, my bottom lip pouting out as my emotions stirred. "I'm always going to need you, Carlisle."

He smiled knowingly. "I will always be there for you, sweetheart. I just also want you to know that it's okay to tell me to step back when you've got it under control. I want you to feel empowered and supported, not helpless and dependent."

I nodded. "I still like my bubble idea, though."

"Well, we have about two hours before others will enter the bubble. What can I do to best prepare you?"

I shrugged. "I don't think there is a way to prepare someone for this kind of thing."

"What do you need?" Carlisle asked compassionately.

"I don't know," I said, my voice strained by stress. "I guess I need help figuring out what I need."

"Fair enough. If I know you at all, I'd venture to say you're experiencing some insecurity around the rest of the family being home and how that might affect you. Are there any specific concerns coming to mind that perhaps would be beneficial to discuss?" he asked.

He was emphatically correct about the insecurity part. At the core of my anxiety was the fear that I would never fit in with this family. The Cullens were rich, educated, and attractive. I was falling apart at the seams in more ways than one. I'd never be able to measure up.

"I'm worried I'm too much of an outsider," I told him. "What if they don't accept me?"

"You are new to the fold; however, we are a family of outsiders," Carlisle said. "Each of us has our own unique backstory. I wouldn't worry about being judged because of where you came from. All of us have experienced trauma in one way or another, and I have confidence that my children will be sympathetic to your plight. I won't sugarcoat it, the beginning may be a bit rough. It'll be an adjustment for them just as much as it's an adjustment for you, but once they get to know you, I think you'll be just fine. I will warn you, my daughter Rosalie can have an abrasive personality at times, she may come off as standoffish at first. I believe most of my children will welcome you instantly, and those that don't will come to adore you in no time. Esme and I will be with you every step of the way, and we will not tolerate any unkind behavior towards you."

"Oh, God help me," I prayed. "Carlisle, I'm so nervous right now I'm tempted to ask for an anti-anxiety med."

"Are you going to faint on me again?" he asked, concerned.

"I don't think so," I said. "I might puke from the stress, though."

Carlisle gently cupped my face in his hands. "Caeleigh, you don't have to prove yourself here. You are being introduced as a member of this family. Regardless of any conflict that may occur, your place here is secure. Please take comfort in that."

I nodded. "As long as I know I can always come to you?"

"Always, and for anything."

"How soon will they be here?" I asked.

"Approximately one hour," he said.

"I should probably go make myself presentable, then."

"Come down whenever you are ready, otherwise I can come get you after they arrive," he offered.

I went upstairs to prepare myself as best I could, deciding to hide in my room until Carlisle came to get me. I put on fresh clothes and a little bit of makeup to cover my imperfections. I wanted to make a good impression on the Cullen siblings, and I also wanted to appear as confident as possible. Even though I was scared, I wasn't willing to show any cowardice. If they perceived my weakness, they could exploit me. I refused to be taken advantage of by a foster family ever again.

The passage of time seemed to drag on forever. An hour wasn't a terribly long time, in fact I would have preferred to delay the Cullens coming home indefinitely, but the anticipation was grueling. I almost felt like I was waiting for my death sentence to be carried out. I knew my dread was probably a bit out of proportion, but I couldn't shake the belief that everything could take a turn for the worst if this introduction went badly. Despite his promises, Carlisle could discern that I wouldn't fit into his family like he'd hoped, and I'd be snipped off like a dead flower.

I couldn't imagine what I'd do if I were plucked from this new life. I couldn't go back to my former circumstances, constantly fighting like hell just to survive. My four little siblings had new families of their own. They were safe now, and they didn't need me anymore. They would no longer serve as my reason for living. They wouldn't miss me, they wouldn't even have to know I was gone. An odd peace fell over me as I contemplated this ending. It would suck, but I had a way out if I needed it.

I wasn't a religious person, but I felt the urge to pray while I had the chance. I got down on my knees, made the sign of the cross, and quietly prayed the only prayer I knew.

Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with Thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now, and at the hour of our death.

Carlisle appeared in the doorway. He didn't even need to speak, his face said it all.

"Crap," I complained. "I'm not ready for this."

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't experiencing some anxiety about this as well. Let's do this together," Carlisle encouraged.

"Does it have to be right now?"

He smiled. "They're waiting for you."

Hesitating would only prolong my unease. I wasn't getting out of this. I now shared a home with these strangers, I had to confront them. Better a formal introduction instead of awkwardly running into each other in the bathroom.

I rose to my feet and followed Carlisle out of my bedroom. I slowly descended the staircase behind him, aware that every step brought me closer to the terrifying unknown. I noticed my brain disconnect from the present reality, dissociating to protect me from whatever was to come. My whole body stiffened, making every movement robotic as I processed the sound of voices coming from the piano room.

I stayed directly on Carlisle's heels as we reached the bottom of the staircase. He reached back to hold my hand, tugging me out from behind him just a titch. We rounded the corner into the piano room, and all went silent.

A/N: I know, I'm cruel for leaving it at such a cliffhanger. ;) I'm sorry it took me so long to post again, I will do my best to get the next one out faster. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Thanks for reading! Please leave a review, and I will see you next time!