Enough For Us
This was supposed to be 1k of Rex and Anakin angsting over losing their men. Somehow turned into Anakin going all "you're all adorable and I wanna adopt you 3" Idk how that happened Lol
~ Rivana Rita
Ryloth is rougher than most. They lost an entire cruiser. Two of them, actually.
Ahsoka thought she knew what she was doing. Rex believes she did – it was an honest mistake, but one that cost hundreds of his brothers.
He understands. He faults her, but he doesn't blame her. She's a kid, and she never trained to be a commander. She's not a soldier.
Some of the shinies are resentful. Rex can't blame them, either – she did make mistakes, and people died, though it – it's so messy.
War is messy.
There's not a thing clean about it. He's seen so many of his brothers fall. Saw the cruiser get ripped to pieces from the sky.
Rex understands, because he has made those mistakes, too. So has his general. It's part of – of leadership. It's the reality of being a leader, and Rex will never forget all the brothers and faces who fell in the war. He knows full well it'll never stop hurting, either.
The walls of the tent are dark when he turns over again. It's always dark at night – Ryloth just seems gloomy in general. One of those planets. Dusty and gloomy.
"Is something wrong?" his general – Anakin – asks, turning over to face him. The command is sharing a tent. The kid hasn't come in yet. Rex doesn't know where she is.
Rex sighs. "No, sir."
Anakin props himself up on his arm, curls hanging in his forehead, sticking to his face. "Okay. I'll cut to it and ask what's wrong."
What's wrong is such a broad question, really.
"The battle's taking longer than expected," Rex answers, because that is the simplest of all the things on his mind, the one he is fully certain how to voice. "The men are itching to move out. We've already been here a while."
There's no time to linger on any one planet, and the 501st takes pride in how fast they move. All his brothers do, but they are special – pulled onward by the fierce determination of their general, the way he covers and shadows them. He's their fire, their passion and strength.
He is what makes them move. They're lucky to have Anakin for a general. Rex still remembers their first mission together. He'd been wary and uncertain of what it was like to have a Jedi general, someone in charge other than himself. He was wary of following a nat-born, and he'd lost the entire squad he was leading.
He thought he'd die there, but then Anakin was there, because he'd come back for him.
He could have left him for dead. Rex failed the mission. He lost his men. Rex had thought he would die there, body aching from the wound and unable to stand on his own. There were too many droids still about, and moving would be – risky. He was meant to die, but his general was there to drag him back from the brink of death, unwilling to let him fall.
"Well," Anakin replies, "War takes time. This battle is worse than most, but we'll make it. We're on the ground now. When we started, we couldn't even get through to the surface. That's progress."
"Not much."
"Well, some's better than none. We take what we get. We're gonna burn the Seppies to the ground."
Rex was trained not to think about casualties. That doesn't mean it stops him. It doesn't mean there aren't times he's haunted by the countless numbers of his brothers who have fallen in the war. He knows what they're fighting for, knows they'll win and every fallen brother will be worth it when the war is won and the Separatists are gone, erased from the galaxy – but until then, the wait, the hope – is hard.
And every mistake is his. Every fallen brother is another under his command.
Some of these things aren't what can be put into words.
At least no words that Rex knows how to voice. Anakin would know – he is blunt in a way Rex will never understand. Not as though any of the clones are accustomed to lying, but their general is so open. Rex is relatively confident he couldn't lie to save his life.
Trust and reliance are central to an army's structure. Rex never thought he could have that with a nat-born, but here he is.
"We'll win this war, Rex," Anakin promises, "With you and your brothers, we'll make it."
They don't know that, but Rex wants to believe him. He thinks he does. "Most of us won't even make it to the end."
"They'll die knowing it's for victory. They won't be forgotten. Not by us."
"Us clones don't have much place in the galaxy," Rex confesses, "We hardly even have a home. Kamino's as close as it comes." All he has are millions of brothers, their faces and names and numbers blurring together. They never used to be anything. He never meant anything, until Anakin came back for him. He was born to die. All of his brothers were, and Rex wishes they could have...
He wishes they could live.
"I've never had a home, either," Anakin confesses, "Tatooine wasn't a home, and I never fit in at the Temple. I wish I could give you and your brothers what I never had."
Rex still doesn't understand it – their general is so strangely protective of them. No one on Kamino had the same... view. This is something entirely... different. It's not something he... "War is what we were made for."
"You've always been more, Rex, and you weren't made to die, even if you're willing to accept it." Anakin looks up at the tent roof and sighs.
"I can't imagine any other life."
"You'll have one someday. The war will end, and you'll get to pick whatever life it is you want."
"What about the Jedi?" Rex asks, mostly because... he doesn't want to be away from his general or commander. He's spent so long helping train and care for Ahsoka. She's... their kid. And he doesn't want to be away from Anakin, the first person to care for them and treat them as human, the same as any other civilian. He doesn't want to live in the uncertainty of never knowing when he'll see his general again.
"I don't know," Anakin confesses, "But I'm not planning on going anywhere. And, if you're civilians, maybe... we'll find a way to be together. I need a way to... I want to give the rest of you the lives you deserve." He looks strangely troubled. That's a rare look on his general.
"You alright, sir?" Rex asks quietly.
Anakin sighs. "The lives lost are... my responsibility. All we can do is not repeat the same mistakes, but there will always be those lost. I've never been responsible for life before."
It's strange to imagine his general being hurt by anything, but Rex understands exactly how possible it is. He's human, too, Jedi or not. Jedi live and die the same as clones.
He cares about them. Feels responsible – they aren't lost among nameless faces to him. Not to Anakin. To him, they matter. That still makes Rex's heart flip and do something fluttery and complicated.
He cares. Someone cares.
Anakin cares.
"You do enough for us in every battle," Rex promises, "Let us worry about what happens after."
"I'll never stop worrying, Rex."
"I know, sir."
Anakin laughs. "You'll be fine. I know you will. You'll always protect your brothers, and you'll find a way to make it work. You always have."
Maybe. But most of that, he's learned from Anakin. Whether they're apart or not, when the war's over, his general will always be with him in his heart.
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