"Yes, yes, I see," Alan said. He was sitting at the kitchen table on the telephone when Amy walked into the kitchen. "Well, thank you very much for calling. All right, I will. Good-bye."
"Who was that?" Amy asked sitting down at the table with him.
Alan gave her an amused smiled. "That was Animal Control," he replied. He looked up when he heard feet thundering down the stairs.
"Hey, just the guy I wanted to see," he cried when Cory bounded into the kitchen.
"Hey, Dad," he returned, heading for the door. "The guy you wanted to see is on his way to the girl he wants to see."
"Oh, she'll wait," Alan said waving him over. "Have a seat."
Reluctantly, Cory obeyed.
"Why do I have the feeling that I'm in trouble?" he asked laying his head on the table. He saw his afternoon with Topanga flash before his eyes.
"I just got off the phone with Animal Control." Alan folded his hands in front of him.
Cory perked up. That couldn't possibly be directly related to him.
"It seems that they found out what was killing the squirrels."
"Well, that's great," Cory agreed jovially as he inched towards the edge of his seat. "'Cause it was just awful that the little guys were dropping like flies."
"Sit!" His dad pointed to the chair. Cory sat back down.
"What's killing them seems to be comprised of the same stuff that you and Shawn tried to pawn off on your classmates."
Cory's eyes widened. "How's that possible?" he wondered. "That was weeks ago. Why didn't they die sooner?"
"Don't know that, son," Alan said.
"So how long am I grounded for?" Cory sighed in resignation.
"You're not. But pass along this information to Shawn. And don't you two ever do something like that again."
Cory signed, this time with relief. He was going to see Topanga after all.
"Yes, sir."
A few weeks later, Topanga found herself sitting alone...sort of. Instead of sitting with the girls, she was sitting with Cory and Shawn at lunch. It had been like that for over three weeks.
Allora wasn't speaking to her. Topanga finally had the opportunity and nerve to talk to Allora about a potential eating disorder, but it had gone poorly. Allora had exploded when Topanga urged her to seek help. She had called her horrible names and said that Topanga was jealous of her and wanted nothing more than to see her fat and hideous. No matter how Topanga had tried to convince her that this wasn't true; that she was just concerned, Allora would hear none of it. In a fury, Allora had stormed off and refused to even look at her former best friend much less talk to her.
Topanga hadn't been able to wait until the end of the day to cry. In the middle of English, she had burst into tears. Since Miss Andrews had been teaching, it was Mr. Turner who had taken her out of class and tried to comfort her. As much as she wanted to, she hadn't been able to tell him what had happened. Instead, she cried on his shoulder. Eventually, he sent her the nurse's office for the rest of the period.
Now, Topanga's gaze wandered sadly over to the table where Allora sat, giggling and talking with the "popular" and "beautiful" girls. At one point, Allora looked up and their gazes locked for an instant. Topanga thought that she saw a hint of sadness in her friend's eyes. If there was, it was quickly extinguished by self-importance.
The gulf between them hurt Topanga greatly. When Allora went to the US National Gymnastics competition, Topanga had not been invited along. Annie and Lauren went in her place. Nor had she been invited to any local meets. She still went, sat alone, and quietly cheered her friend on, always leaving before Allora could see her.
Topanga sighed. She looked down at her sandwich. It was a watery blur.
"Two weeks, Jon," Audrey sang as she swept into the classroom after school. "Just two weeks until we go home."
He smiled as she danced about the room, her feet barely touched the floor, it seemed. He caught her in his arms as she came by and spun her around.
Audrey laughed and hugged him close. She pulled back a bit and saw him smiling at her. For an instant, time was suspended. Her pulse quickened and her mouth went dry. It was so strange the way he was staring at her.
Shawn stopped dead in the doorway to the room and forgot about the books he had come to retrieve. He glanced around behind him to make sure no one was coming. There was no way he was going to let anyone bother them. Quietly, he stood there. He pursed his lips together in a thin line.
His heart was racing. Unconsciously, he clenched his jaw. The suspense was agonizing.
Come on, he silently willed Jon. Do something. Before it's too late...!
But the moment was lost. Audrey's cheeks flared crimson and she ducked her head. Jon seemed startled and let his hands drop away from her. After an awkward interlude, they busied themselves with straightening the room.
Shawn sighed in disappointment and gave the doorframe a hard kick.
Topanga was changing out of her PE uniform the next day when Allora came in and opened the locker next to Topanga's.
As she untied her shoes, Topanga kept glancing at Allora, desperately wanting to talk to her, but afraid of making things worse. Standing nearby, Allora was stealing glances at her ex-best friend as well.
The girls fiddled with their locks nervously, each wanting to speak to the other. Finally, Allora slammed her lock against the locker.
"This is stupid, Tippy."
Topanga looked at her in surprise.
Allora seemed frustrated, almost angry.
"I mean," she said flinging a hand in Topanga's direction. "You're my best friend in the whole world and here we are not talking and avoiding each other. This is stupid!"
Topanga was filled with relief. She grinned. "I agree. Let's just forget the whole thing!"
Allora seemed relieved, too. "Let's do." She grabbed Topanga's arm. "Kindred spirits aren't mean to argue anyway."
"Hey, Lora," Topanga said as they headed for the door. "Shouldn't we finish changing?"
Allora looked down at herself. She was barefoot and still in her PE outfit. She giggled.
"That'd be a good idea."
Allora was brushing her hair out when Lauren, Annie, and their following walked in. They swarmed around Allora, pushing Topanga to the outer fringe of the circle.
"Man, girl," Annie squealed. "You are hot! I think you may be thinner than me!"
Allora basked in the praise they showered on her.
"How do you do it?" one of the other girls pleaded. "You must not be able to eat anything."
"On the contrary," Allora replied somewhat smugly. "I eat whatever I want, whenever I want, however much I want."
She sauntered over to Topanga and linked her arm through hers.
"What?" The other girls flocked around them, all wanting to know Allora's secret.
"Yep," Allora said, fully enjoying all the attention. "After I eat I just take some laxatives and it all flushes out."
This garnered an awe-filled "oooo" from the crowd. Allora boasted about her abnormal eating a bit longer before dragging Topanga out of the locker room.
Once outside, Topanga jerked away from her.
Allora turned in surprise. "Tippy? What's wrong?"
"Don't call me Tippy like everything's fine and dandy," Topanga cried. All her frustration and concern for her friend boiled over in anger and despair. "How can you do this? Don't you know that what you're doing can kill you!"
"What are you talking about?" Allora spat coldly. Her face was more chilling than the Snow Queen's.
"You know what I'm talking about!" Topanga was almost screaming at Allora. Her emotions had been thrown into chaos because she didn't how to break through Allora's wall of indifference.
"You're bulimic! You gorge yourself and then throw up! Why! Allora, why!"
Allora glared her and slowly shook her head. "What do you know, huh? What do you know about what I'm going through?" Her voice had a bitter edge to it. "I'm doing what I have to do. I'm not hurting anyone. I'm fine." Allora's eyes narrowed to slits. "Do you know what you are, Topanga Lawrence? You're jealous. You know I'm the best gymnast in the state. The best in the nation. And who are you? You're nobody! Well, I'm not about to let a nobody like you stop me from being the best gymnast in the world."
With that Allora stormed off without looking back. Topanga was rooted to the ground. She pressed her hand against her cheek as though she had been slapped. In fact, being slapped would not have hurt as much as Allora's words.
Tears slipped down her cheeks and soaked the collar of her coat.
Two days later, Topanga was on her way to talk to Audrey about Allora when she heard the news. Allora had collapsed her Media Arts class. She was in the nurse's office for the time being.
Topanga felt sick, so sick that she had to run to the bathroom. She crouched in front of a toilet, dry heaving into the bowl. Tears fell swiftly and splashed into the water. It was her fault that Allora was so sick...she should have told someone.
There was a knock on the stall door, but Topanga had no strength to speak.
Slowly the door creaked open. Audrey's eyes widened in surprise to see Topanga huddled on the floor.
"Topanga!" she cried in horror. "What's wrong?"
Audrey fell to her knees and wrapped her arms around the girl. Topanga leaned against her, trembling. Once in awhile she shuddered.
"Sshh," Audrey cooed stroking Topanga's golden tresses. "It's going to be all right."
"No, it's not!" the girl sobbed. "It's all my fault! It's all my fault that she's in the hospital. It's all my fault."
"What?" Audrey pulled Topanga's chin up with her finger so that she could her eyes. "Are you talking about Allora?"
Topanga nodded miserably.
"Oh, sweetheart, that's wasn't your fault. How could you think that?"
The heartache and guilt was almost more than Topanga could bear.
"Because I didn't tell anyone that she had an eating disorder!"
Topanga buried her face in Audrey's shoulder. Audrey felt like a block of ice had been dropped into her stomach.
Allora sat in her homeroom and stared at the floor. Miss Andrews had requested to see her after school. She had a sick feeling that it had something to do with the incident in Mr. Williams' class. Everyone, it seemed, had interrogated her. Her doctor, however, was convinced that it was merely exhaustion due to her hectic training schedule in addition to school and social life. He prescribed a few days' rest and nothing more.
If her collapse was what Miss Andrews wanted to discuss with her- it couldn't be about her schoolwork; she had a 3.987 GPA, third in class behind Topanga and Stewart Minkus- she didn't see how it was possible to disclose the real reason with some as beautiful and perfect as Audrey. Allora was too afraid to tell Miss Andrews the truth; to tell her what she had been doing. She had a hero-worship complex when it came to the student teacher. Allora and every last one of the popular girls wanted to be what Audrey was: movie star gorgeous with a beautiful, thin figure; talented- so talented that she could walk away from the American Ballet Company and return whenever she wished; popular- not the fickle popularity of high school- but a lasting one, everyone loved her; and she had the devotion of the high school's hottest teacher. But Allora loved her for more reasons than the "in crowd" girls did. She felt indebted to Audrey for inadvertently skyrocketing her to instant fame amongst her peers. Weeks earlier, after she had given a book report in class, Audrey had told Allora that she reminded her of herself when she was in high school. The other girls, save for Topanga, had been supremely jealous that Allora had been crowned with such a compliment. Since then, Allora had tried to show Audrey how much like her she was. She was convinced that Audrey, the saint that she thought her to be, would never understand the problem Allora had.
If she knew the truth, Allora feared that Audrey see her for what she was: an imperfect, unsuccessful, ugly mess.
Allora squirmed in her chair, twisting the hem of her skirt into a bunch. Sweat began to bead up on her temples like the condensation on a cold glass of soda. Her tongue stuck the roof of her mouth when she tried to swallow. Her heart pounded rapidly; it sounded so loud that Allora couldn't hear the greeting Audrey gave her when she walked into the room.
Audrey smiled at her fondly. She pulled a chair over to Allora and sat in front of her. The sheer terror on the girl's delicate features transported Audrey three years into the past. She saw herself, not much older than Allora, sitting in Jonathan's office after a dance class, dreading the talk that she knew was coming.
Allora felt caught between that proverbial rock and a hard place as she contemplated her options. She could either tell Audrey the truth and pray that she would not look down on her or she could lie like there was no tomorrow. Staring at Audrey in her fitted, striped blouse and slender black slacks, she knew she could never let Audrey, of all people find out her secret.
"Lora," Audrey began. "How are you feeling?"
Allora gave her brightest smile. "So much better, Miss Andrews. Dr. Loresen was right about me needing a few days of rest. I feel a million times better."
"Good," Audrey smiled satisfactorily. "I was really worried about you when Mr. Turner told me what happened. You gave us a bit of a fright."
"You were worried about me?" A deliciously warm feeling swathed Allora. She felt extraordinary.
Audrey winked at her and crossed one leg over the other. "Are you kidding? Of course, I was, angel. I wouldn't want anything to happen to you!"
Allora blushed and let her hair fall in her face like she had seen Audrey do before. When she looked back up, she was startled to see her idol staring so hard at her.
"Allora, what's going on?"
Allora gave her a confused looked. "I don't know what you mean," she answered innocently. Her heart pounded in her chest as each lie took her deeper into a black hole. "There's nothing going on... now."
"Then why did you pass out in Mr. Williams' class?"
Allora felt her throat constrict and she wasn't sure if she would be able to speak. "Dr. Loresen said I was just exhausted from my full schedule. I just got too stressed."
Audrey shook her head. Allora knew she didn't buy it.
"Easy out," Audrey said flatly.
"What?"
"Easy out," she repeated. "The doctor gave you an easy out. An explanation that makes sense and puts everyone's mind at ease. And it gives you an easy out so you never have to tell what the real cause is. At least for now. If it happens again, it won't be so easy to hide. You'll have to prepare a story in advance, just in case you aren't given another easy out."
Allora couldn't believe what she was hearing or how accurate it was.
Audrey leaned forward and held Allora's gaze in hers. "See you know you can't tell anyone what really happened because if they knew they wouldn't like you anymore. In fact, they'd hate you because they would all know that you're not perfect." She paused a beat to let her words sink in. She took a deep breath before continuing; she wasn't sure if she could do this. "You'd be a disappointment and a failure because you couldn't handle it. You'd let everyone down. You don't do what you do- school, sports, anything- for yourself. You do it all for everyone else. To make mommy proud and daddy happy. To make your friends love you, to win your coaches accolades so they'll dote on you. Everyone controls a part of your life except you. So you look really hard for one thing, just one little thing that you CAN control...and finally you find it. And you hang onto to your control of this one area for dear life. No one knows about, they can't. But then something happens and you lose control of the only thing you have. You binge- binge like crazy. You even hear a voice in your head urging you to continue. And when you're done, you feel sick because you know you lost control. And if anyone knew that you lost control, they'd make fun of you because you have no willpower. You have to do something, so you purge. You thinks its over, but its not. You binge again. Then you purge. Before you know it, you can't stop. No matter how much you want to...you cannot stop. But no one knows so it's okay...you deal with it. And then your nightmares come true and something happens in public. You're given an easy out. But next time, it won't be so easy and you may not have an out."
The room was silent except for the sound of Allora's sobs. Tears clouded Audrey's eyes as she reached over and pulled the frightened girl into her arms. She held Allora until her sobs died down. Allora sat up and looked at Audrey. As Audrey wiped the tears from her eyes with her fingers, Allora searched her teacher's face for the answer to her unspoken question. Unable to find the answer she sought, she asked,
"Miss Andrews, how did you know all that? I never told anyone."
This question brought Audrey to a crossroads.
She reached into her pocket and pulled out a business card.
"Here," she said. "I want you to give this to your parents."
"What is it?"
"It's the number for Dr. Amsden, one of the best doctors in New York who specialize in the treatment of eating disorders."
Allora smiled faintly. "Thank, Miss Andrews."
Audrey regarded her seriously. "Don't thank me yet. I want to give you the opportunity to tell your parents yourself. But, Allora, I am going to call them tomorrow and make sure they do know what's going on."
Allora nodded. "Okay."
"That's my girl," Audrey smiled. "Now why don't you go wash your face in the bathroom and head home so you'll have time to collect your thoughts before you talk to your parent.'
Allora smiled a little bit more. She slid off Audrey's lap and turned to leave. Impulsively, she ran back and hugged the teacher.
"Thank you," she whispered.
Audrey watched her go and then stood up. She put the chairs back where they belong and prepared to leave herself. She was stunned to see Jon standing in the doorway.
Her heart leapt into her throat; she wondered how much he had heard.
"Jon," she said a bit too brightly. "Hey, I didn't know you were still here."
Jon stepped into the room with his arms folded over his chest. His expression was grim. Audrey backed up as he came towards her. She swallowed hard. The look on his face was beginning to scare her.
"You didn't answer her question," he said shortly.
"What?" Audrey really didn't know what he was talking about.
"She asked how you knew all that?" His eyes narrowed. "How did you know all that, Audrey?"
"Know what? About her eating disorder?" Audrey tried to get by him, but he wouldn't let her. "Topanga told me."
Jon shook his head. He was beginning to piece together the Audrey's mystery. She wasn't about to get off the hook.
"She may have told you that," he said. "But she didn't know the details that you told Allora."
Audrey stared at him in disbelief. "What is with you?" she demanded, trying to keep the ire out of her voice. "So I studied psychological disorders in college. Her case is textbook. Anyone could reconstruct that scenario I told her."
"I don't believe that," Jon told her bluntly. "What you know goes beyond a psych class."
Audrey's jaw dropped. Anger flared in her eyes, turning them to a hurricane gray. "And just what are you insinuating?" She tried pulling away from him, but his grip on her arms was too tight.
"You're hiding something from me." Jon tried to calm his tone down. She was getting angry with him. He didn't want that, he only wanted the truth. "I just want to know what's going on with you."
It was too late to reason with the redhead. She struggled against him.
"Nothing's going on with me!" she cried. "Let go of me!"
The venom in her voice was what caused him to let go. She jerked away as his grip released and stood several feet away from him. Her breathing was rapid and shallow. She glared at him.
"You have no right to accuse of me hiding something," she spat. "What evidence do you have?"
Jon tried to answer, but no sound came out of his mouth. The sudden swing in her mood had thrown him off kilter. Finally, he shrugged.
"I didn't think so," she snorted derisively.
"C'mon, Audrey," Jon pleaded as she stormed towards the door. "Don't go. I'm sorry. I was just worried about you."
"You don't have to worry anymore."
She left him standing alone in the room wondering if he'd ever be able to get her favor back.