"At times the world may seem an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe that there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough. And what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first steps of a journey." ―Lemony Snicket

The question caught Jonathan off guard and it took him a while to gather his thoughts. He knew the answer of course; it wasn't something he had to think about it. It was simply that it had been so very long since Shawn had come to him about something serious that he'd had forgotten the younger man would often changed directions suddenly during a conversation when something was weighing on his mind.

As he looked into his former charge's eyes he could see the maelstrom that churned beneath the surface. Audrey's eyes would have this same look when was she was bothered by something she didn't know quite how to bring up to him. Jon noted this similarity with some surprise.

"I met the right one," he said finally.

The answer didn't seem to help Shawn much. It wasn't much of an answer perhaps, but it was the truth, and there was nothing he could embellish it with to make more than what it was.

"What about kids?"

"You changed my mind a great deal." Shawn didn't seem convinced, so Jon elaborated: "You made me realize what it would be like to have kids. To be responsible for another person and not so centered on myself. Having you around changed me. I don't think I would have wanted kids at all if it hadn't been for you. Or at least I would have resisted it. I don't know, Shawn. Audrey always wanted kids, I didn't. If it hadn't been for you, we may never have gotten together."

Shawn nodded, lost in his own thoughts. He was quiet for so long that Jon wasn't sure if he should say anything or just be present. He opted to follow his wife's frequent example by remaining where he was and waiting.

"Audrey said Angela came to see you guys."

"Yeah, she thought we might be able to help her talk to you. I'm afraid we didn't have much to offer."

"Angela was the last stable relationship I had," Shawn said as though the concept drained his energy. "I suppose you could call it stable. I tried datin' after her, but," he shrugged his shoulders indicating the level of apathy he felt. "I'd go out with a girl a few times before I couldn't stand the thought of seein' her again. Then I'd find someone else. Same thing every time. Eventually, I'd give up, throw myself into work, then start the whole thing over again."

"Been there. Dated that. Hated that."

Shawn regarded him inquisitively. "Why did you date after Audrey? Especially if you were gonna get her after the school year ended?"

Jon sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I didn't plan on goin' to get her; not until much later. In the beginnin' I was just angry. I dunno, my way of rebellin', I guess. Faced with a year without her, I did everythin' I could to forget her. I tried tellin' myself I was better off without her; that I'd end up trapped in a marriage I didn't want if she had stayed. I threw myself into datin' and, just like you, I couldn't make it more than maybe three dates in before I was done and ready to move on and not look back. It got worse after you left. I couldn't stand to come home to an empty place, so I was never there. Some times I don't know where I was, but I wasn't there."

Shawn was surprised by this admission as Jon had just accurately described his own feelings since Angela left with her father and chosen not to come back.

"How'd you get through it?"

Jon gave a small laugh. "As odd as it sounds, Audrey got me through it. See, eventually, I called her. I just wanted to hear her voice, so I called durin' a time I thought she'd be gone and the answerin' machine would pick up. But it wasn't the machine that answered and we started talkin' again."

"She said she knew you were datin'." Shawn couldn't help but feel a bit betrayed that Jon had dated other women. It was irrational, perhaps, but he reasoned that the situations were different because there was no kid involved to be impacted by his choices when he was dating. That was not the case with Jon.

He nodded. "She did. I started callin' her after I came back from a date, just to talk because I sure couldn't talk to whoever I'd been out with. Then I started datin' more so I could call more. Eventually, she figured out what I was doin' and read me the riot act." His laugh was sheepish. "She didn't think I was bein' very fair to women I was goin' out with."

Shawn rolled his eyes and groaned. "Your taste in women was pretty terrible. Why did you pick them?"

"They were safe," the older man replied. "Crazy maybe, but safe. There was no chance of bein' talked into a relationship with any of them."

Shawn nodded, fully understanding. "I think I'm doin' the same," he mused. "No, I know I am. It's strange how it feels like I'm repeatin' so much of what you did. It feels like the endin' should be the same; that I should be able to see how things are gonna turn out. But I can't because-"

Jon waited for him to go on but the younger man seemed stuck on words he didn't want to say aloud.

"Angela's married," he gently stated for him.

Shawn's brow furrowed in a grimace. "I thought she was the one. I was so sure. I don't know what I'm lookin' for anymore."

"She's out there, Shawn. Someone who's the right partner for you; she is out there."

"Maybe, but I was so wrong about Angela. How am I gonna know for sure the next time?" he gave Jon a troubled look. "How did you know Audrey was the one?"

A grin spread over Jon's face as he thought back to that moment so long ago. "Do you remember me tellin' you about that awful New Year's Eve where Jeanine, Valerie, and Gwen came over and got together with Eli to roast me?"

Shawn had to access a deep part of his memory to pull up this event. Doing so made him smile as he also remembered that was the New Year's Eve he spent trapped in the subway with Cory, Topanga, Eric, and a set of twins.

"Yeah, I do."

"So that whole mess got started because Audrey was out of town for New Year's and didn't think she could make it back in time. She told me to go ahead and make plans without her so I talked Eli into stayin' in. I think I made up somethin' about being done with women or somethin' like that. I don't even remember."

They stopped walking for a moment and Jon leaned against the wall. "But I really just wanted to be home in case Audrey was able to make it. If she came over while Eli was there, no big deal; she was over a lot when he was there, so he wouldn't think anythin' of it."

Shawn smiled as the recollection of those days they all spent together. They were among the best he had of his youth.

"Perfect plan. What could possibly go wrong, right?" Jon shook his head. His eyes gleamed with the reminiscence. "It didn't look like Audrey was gonna make it, which turns out to be a good thing when all these women start showin' up. I was so angry with Eli for playin' along with them and keepin' them there. When the last one showed up, I sent her inside with the rest of them while I went outside and slam the door. I don't know where I thought I was goin' I just have to get out of there. When I turned around, Audrey was comin' down the hall."

"Oh no." Shawn remembered Jon telling him about this New Year's Eve disaster, but not about Audrey. He wondered how much other "good stuff" Jon had left out of his stories in those days.

"Oh yeah. I had no idea what to say to her. How do I tell her why I'm outside of my own apartment and we can't go in? So I scrambled to come up with somethin', anythin' to get out of there, but before I can, Eli opened the door with Jeanine right behind him. She asked who Audrey was and my best friend," he said the words with a sarcastic emphasis, "says 'oh, this is the new one'. The next thing I know Audrey is inside and I'm locked outta my place.

I was so panicked over what they might be tellin' her that I forgot I had a spare key in the hall somewhere. Took me ten minutes to remember the key, then another five to find it. When I finally got back in, Audrey was trapped on the couch in the middle of a bunch of tipsy women and Eli lookin' mortified. It was so bad, Shawn. So bad."

Jon ran his hand over his mouth as he recounted the story. "Somehow I manage to get everyone out. Everyone left includin' Audrey. I just knew it's over. Any chance with her is gone. I was sittin' on the couch completely numb. Can't feel anythin'. There's no way to fix things. It's over. It feels like I'm sittin' there for hours. Then I feel this hand on the back of my neck and I look up straight into those gray eyes."

"She came back." Shawn smiled, not surprised. He had never known her not to be true to her word. Even if she didn't say it, still she always came back.

"She did. I wanted so badly to defend myself but nothing came out but this incredibly pathetic, 'I'm not who they say I am'." I'll never forget her response." Jon smiled, lost in the memory. "She gave me this funny look and said, 'Don't you think I know you well enough to know who you really are?'"

He crossed his arms over his chest with a look of reverie in his dark eyes. "That was it Shawn. That was the moment I knew she was the one. I came this close," he held his thumb and forefinger up until they were almost touching, "to askin' her to marry me right then."

"You should have," Shawn retorted earnestly.

"Yeah, maybe," Jon chuckled. He moved on from the wall and stopped at the next to last room in the hallway. He knocked on the door that proudly displayed a large poster of Surya Bonaly at the 1998 Nagano Olympics.

"She must be with her mom," he said when there was no answer. "This is my oldest daughter's room."

Shawn found it curious the way Jon referred to her as his oldest daughter and not as his oldest child, which, as far as he knew, she was.

"Is this," Shawn paused, trying to remember the name he'd heard Jon mention. "Julia's room?"

Jon nodded. "Yep. Julia Elizabeth- we named her after Audrey's mom. She's fifteen; two years older than Riley and two years younger than Josh. It was an interestin' time havin' those three together."

"What do you mean?"

"I was so nervous about havin' a newborn that I was constantly on the phone with Alan about every little thing she did that I didn't understand. Which was pretty much everythin'" he reminisced.

"Alan and Amy were incredibly gracious about it and they brought Josh and Morgan up for the summer after Julia was born. Alan spent more time coachin' me through fatherhood than he did with Cory, I think. The next summer they were back, this time Alan was coachin' Cory with Riley. I still call Alan when my kids do something that I have no idea what to do about. Although I do try to keep the calls down to once a week." He grinned. "We spent a lot of time in Philly, too, back then. Julia, Josh, and Riley grew up together pretty much until they were all in school full-time."

Shawn smiled, but there was an internal sting from once again being reminded of how much he had missed and how close everyone had become without him. The worst part was realizing how very close he had been to running into Jon back then; after all he did baby-sit Riley until she was two.

How many times, he wondered, did I just miss Jon or Audrey when I was at Cory's place?

He pushed the feeling aside and asked, "What's Julia like?"

Jon put his tongue in his cheek and raised his eyebrows before responding. "She looks just like her mom but with my hair. When I watch her do her thing- the figure skatin', the off-ice dance trainin', I get fooled into thinkin' that the hair is the only thing she got from me and everythin' else is Audrey. Then she opens her mouth and it's all me."

The look on his face told Shawn that his former teacher was less than thrilled with this, though Shawn couldn't see how it was a bad thing. Jon's sense of humor and sarcasm was something that helped to create the bond between them. "That's cool, though."

"Yeah, it's real fun until it's not and you find yourself arguin' with a younger version of you." Jon rolled his eyes, "She does have her mother's drive to excel at what she's chosen to do, which is great."

"How'd she get into ice skatin' if Audrey is in ballet?"

"You," he replied.

"Me?"

Jon tipped his head to the side. "Both of us, really. The summer we spent travelin' after you moved in and we hit all those ice rinks made me rediscover my love of skating and hockey so I tried to get all the kids into skatin' as soon as possible. When I told Julia about you I guess I overemphasized the ice rinks we went to because that's what caught her attention.

You should've heard some the stories she made up about you. I think at one point she had you playin' in the SHL and the KHL. At the same time."

Shawn laughed but there was a discomfort that settled in his stomach. The level of adoration Jon's kids all seem to have for him made feel as though he was being dishonest; he was far from the idea brother they seemed to think he was. Though he tried not to dwell on it, deep down he worried about what they would think of him if they knew how he'd treated their father over the years.

"But Jules really took to skatin'," Jon went on. "She played hockey for a while which thrilled me, but she also really loved dance. I think she was torn between choosin' what I loved and what Audrey loved so she basically combined the two and chose figure skatin'. She's very good." He paused in thought for a moment. It was obvious how incredibly proud he was of his girl. His smile broadened. "Still got a mean wrister, though, and she loves to use it against Grayson. I know he's glad she finally aged out of his stick and puck drop-ins."

"I haven't been skatin' in so long," Shawn commented more to himself than to Jon. He found a strange comfort in knowing the whole family loved ice skating. He smiled ruefully. Skating was one of the few things he and his half-brother, Jack had in common, too. A love of the ice ran deep in the family line, apparently.

"You should come with us to Grayson's stick and puck. There's a public skate afterwards and we usually stay for it."

Shawn considered the offer. He hesitated a moment before answering, not sure he was ready to be surrounded by the kids. There was still lingering remorse that was preventing him from fully embracing his return to his family.

"Maybe," he said finally.

It wasn't a no and that was enough for Jon.

"How's Julia in school? Is she you or Audrey?"

"Somewhere in between us," Jon grinned. "She'd be happy to forget about it all together but she's acutely aware that she is the superintendent's daughter. She is also very competitive and wants to be the best. So her grades are excellent. But it was a nightly wrestlin' match to get her to study before she started high school."

"Things actually got better in high school?" Shawn found this hard to believe, but then he had never held any interest in school so maybe it was different when you cared about grades.

"Surprised me too," Jon agreed wholeheartedly. "I'm not sure what changed exactly. She was excited for high school because I was the principal at the time, but that summer I got the superintendent position and that enthusiasm died real quick. It looked like high school was gonna be an even bigger fight than junior high. But then out of the blue, about a week after freshman year started, she asked if she could come to my office to study after school instead of goin' home to do her schoolwork. Of course, I'm not gonna to say no. I feel like I hardly see my kids since this new job started and I like havin' her around. She's even been doing office work for me when she gets her stuff done."

"So," Shawn smirked, thinking of himself when he was fifteen and what his motivation for unprovoked work of any kind at that age might have been. "What does she want?"

This got a big laugh out of his mentor. "I still haven't figured that out. Must be huge. Actually, I think she just hates my secretary and wants to keep her out of work."

"Why? Who's your secretary?"

Jon's mouth formed a tight line. "You remember Miss Tompkins?"

"No way!" For some inexplicable reason this disclosure horrified Shawn.

Jon nodded and made a face. "She was hired while I was on summer vacation with the family. I had no chance to veto that decision."

"Is she married?"

"Divorced. Two kids."

"Did she know you're the superintendent?"

"Yeah. Apparently, that's why she applied."

"That's messed up." Shawn breathed, wrinkling his nose in disgust. He never had a problem with Miss Tompkins until she started to mess up things between his friends. Now the dislike for his former social studies teacher was back and he was very glad that Julia was keeping an eye on the woman.

"Jon, was Miss Tompkins the one who turned Audrey in to Feeny?"

"Yeah, she was."

"Unbelievable," Shawn muttered in irritation. He ran his hand through his hair. "What does Audrey say about her being your secretary?"

"She says she doesn't remember Katherine."

"Seriously?" Shawn frowned thinking back to the class trip to the City and the foggy memories that he had of that time. "Am I makin' this up or did you have some big show down with Miss Tompkins at the Library when we got back from seein' Phantom of the Opera?"

Jon nodded as he asked the question. "Oh, yeah, it happened. I'd like to forget it happened, but it did happen."

"Audrey was there. She doesn't remember that?"

"She remembers that. She just doesn't remember who was involved. Or so she says."

"Wow," Shawn gave him a sympathetic smile. "You're really lucky if she doesn't remember."

"Oh, I know I am!"

As they started to move away from Julia's door, Jon said abruptly, "Shawn, about Julia: don't expect a warm welcome from her."

"Why not?"

Jon pursed his lips together, unsure of how to word his thoughts. "She used to talk about you non-stop when she was little and always wanted to meet you. She idolized you, honestly. But now... well, the globe-trottin' brother isn't as glamorous as it once was. I don't know what to tell you. She's at that age where everythin' is personal."

"She's not my biggest fan is what you're saying."

"Not right now, no. She'll come around, though. She just needs some time."

"I can give her that," Shawn replied, fully understanding that need. Something told him that, with enough time, he and Julia could be good friends.

As they approached the door at the end of the hall, Jon stopped and gave Shawn a sideways look. The younger man seemed much more relaxed and open, so he figured he might have a chance to get to know him better. "So what's the deal with Maya and her mom?"

Shawn looked at him in surprise. "Cory hasn't told you?"

"Yeah, but I'd rather hear your side of the story from you."

"I am so not sure," Shawn let out a deep sigh. Jon motioned for him to sit on the stairs with him and he gladly accepted as he suddenly felt weak with the attention being put squarely on him. But, he felt he owed Jon a better answer than his typical responses.

"But there is somethin'?"

"I think. Maybe. I don't know. Julia sounds a lot like Maya when I first met her. I guess Cory told her a lot of stories about me and she had this certain image of me made up. I did a good job of shatterin' that illusion right away."

"What'd you do?"

"I avoided Riley."

"Ah," Jon nodded. "That would do it."

"She called me out on it too. Got right in my face asking me why I didn't like Riley. I have never met a kid who put on such a bold, no, make that obnoxious front."

I have, Jon thought wryly. He tried to keep his expression neutral so Shawn would keep talking, but he couldn't help to compare the young man sitting next to him with what he knew of his niece's best friend.

"Her dad dumped her and her mom. You know how much that bothers me. And I kind of got used to her bein' around; it wasn't awful having a kid follow me around," he smiled slightly, relaxing a bit. "But then I made a jerk of myself with her mom the first time we met. It was Maya's birthday and her mom wasn't around. I thought her mom dumped her too. I got so angry with someone I'd never even met." He clasped his hands together in embarrassment. "I was pretty obnoxious myself, I guess. I questioned her parentin' skills, made a lot of assumptions about her and actually told her off based on those assumptions."

"I bet that went over real well."

"She threatened to break a plate over my head if I questioned her motherin' skills again."

"Hey, she warned you first," Jon pointed out with an amused smile. "That's a point in your favor."

"Then she told me she didn't like me."

"Take that point back."

They laughed. Shawn quieted down and shifted his position on the stairs a bit. "She's been left a lot, Jon. Didn't have a lot growin' up. She's strugglin' now to make ends meet. She wasn't around for Maya's birthday because she was workin' overtime to pay off the birthday gift she got her."

"How are things with you guys now?"

"Maya's grown on me. A lot I, guess. She's asked me to always be there for her."

"What did you tell her?"

"I told her I would." Shawn hesitated. He pulled his knees up and hugged them to his chest. He was still struggling to fully express what he was thinking. He was so programmed to stay on the surface of matters that going any deeper was difficult and painful. "I just," he seemed frustrated with himself. "I know I can never be to her what you were to me, if things aren't right between us."

Jon reached over and put arm around Shawn's shoulders. "They are," he assured him.

Shawn gave him a grateful smile before focusing his gaze on the stairs below his feet. "After Angela came back and I talked to her, Katy asked me out."

Although Jon expressed surprise, he really wasn't. Feigning ignorance he asked, "How'd it go?"

"It was different."

"Good or bad?"

"Neither. It was just different. I just don't know how I feel about Katy. I know I have to move on from Angela-that's over. But everyone is pushin' me in Katy's direction: Cory, Topanga, Riley, Maya. But I don't know if it's right, if she's right. Maya being involved makes it more complicated.

And I'm always bein' setup. If Cory's not doin' it, Maya is. And sometimes I think they're in on it together." He shook his head and reiterated, "It seems like every time I turn around Maya's got some scheme goin' on to get me alone with Katy."

Jon gave him a semi-reproachful look. "Are you seriously complainin' about a kid tryin' to set you up with her mom?"

"Yeah, I am, I guess." He shot Jon a funny look.

"Are you kiddin' me, Hunter? You did the same thing to me with Audrey. I recall very clearly you flat out tellin' me I was in love with her and then instructin' me on what to do about it."

Shawn laughed and put his hands up in surrender. "Okay, so I'm a hypocrite."

"Yeah, you are. Welcome to parenthood."

"Oh, no," he replied hastily, waving the comment off. "I'm not ready for that."

"No?"

"No."

Jon regarded him steadily. "No one's every truly ready, Shawn. Even those who think they are. Do you want to be a parental figure in Maya's life?"

"Maybe."

"What is it that you think you need in order to be ready?"

"I don't know," Shawn felt like a broken record repeating "I don't know" like it was a mantra. "I guess I need to figure out if I'm gonna try to move things forward with Katy, figure out how I feel about her. How I fit into Maya's life."

"It sounds like you're tryin' to figure out everythin' ahead of time. Don't you think you should include Katy in this?"

"Well, yeah. I will. Eventually." The younger man took a deep breath, trying shake off the defensiveness he was beginning to feel. "This is so much more complicated than I thought it would be because Maya is involved. I don't want her to get hurt if things don't work out with her mom. I don't want her to feel like it's her fault or I'm going to abandon her."

"What do you want, Shawn?"

No one had ever asked him that directly and he had to think about it. Did what he want even matter? Wasn't a relationship supposed to be about the other person and sacrificing self for them?

"I want to take care of Katy," he said with a confidence that surprised him. "I don't want her to have to work so hard or have to worry about if there's going to be enough money to pay the bills or buy groceries. I don't want her to have to worry about bein' left again. I don't want her to have to worry about anythin' again."

"You've been out once, right?"

"Yeah."

"Then you are jumpin' way ahead of the game, Shawn. You need to slow down."

"Yeah, I know that's what it sounds like." He shifted his position so he could better see his former guardian. "I'm just tryin' to get everythin' lined up before I ask her out. I'm either prepared to commit fully to her or I'm not. If I'm not, then I don't ask her out."

"Do you love her?"

"I don't know."

There was a seriousness in Jon's expression that the younger man had not seen since Jon had warned him about the cult he got involved with in high school. "Shawn, do not ask her out."

Shawn was surprised by the intensity in Jon's voice.

Does he know something about Katy that I don't? He wondered with concern.

"You don't think I should date her?"

"If you are goin' into this with the idea that you are gonna save her, do not ask her out. If you set yourself up as her savior you will never be able to stand up under that pressure. She will eventually resent you for it. And if you think Katy will fill some missin' piece in your life and make you whole or save you from yourself, don't ask her out. She can't do that and it's not fair to expect that of her."

He put his hand on Shawn's knee and gave him an affectionate squeeze. "Get yourself healed and whole first. Then ask her out."

There was something in his tone that told Shawn that this went much deeper than wise platitudes Jon may have picked up from Mr. Feeny. There was something profoundly personal about this subject.

"What aren't you tellin' me, Jon?"

"That I'm speakin' from experience, Shawn." The older man inhaled deeply before continuing. "The first few years Audrey and I were married were incredibly hard. I absolutely had a savior complex with her from the very beginnin'. I wanted to save her from bein' alone, from the eatin' disorder, from the life she was livin'. And in return I expected her to fix all of my issues. We didn't even live together for most of the first year but we ended up arguin' almost all the time when we were together and Audrey did end up resentin' me. A lot. Throw in a major accident that left me with over a year of physical therapy, and a pregnancy; it got real ugly. We actually had divorce papers drawn up."

Shawn felt as though his world had been turned upside down once again and he found it hard to breath. He didn't know how to digest this information. He couldn't imagine those two arguing; he had never heard them so much as raise their voices to each other in anything that even resembled anger. He could not believe that they would ever treat each other the way his parents had once treated one another.

But, he reminded himself. They're still together. They still love each other. He found he had to repeat this to himself several times over before he felt calmer.

"But you didn't divorce. Everythin' worked out." He had never known anyone on the verge of divorce who either didn't go ahead with it or who had a good, faithful marriage afterwards if they didn't.

"Because we made a choice," Jon said firmly. " And we got help. I think the most important thing I took away from counselin' was that love is a choice, it's not a feelin'. Likin' someone is a feelin'."

Shawn gave a short snort.

"You don't believe me?"

"It's not that, Jon. It just doesn't make much sense."

Jon nodded his understanding. "Tell me somethin': did you always like your dad?"

Shawn frowned, not sure what his dad had to do with marriage. "No, a lot of times I didn't like him at all."

"Did you always love him?"

He frowned, thinking back over all the ups and mostly downs he'd had with his father. "Yeah," he said emphatically after a while. "No matter what he did, I always loved him."

"Why?"

Shawn's mouth started to form an answer but nothing came out. He thought about all the times his dad dumped him, pushed him off on other people, and was generally an horrible human being to him and others. Shawn knew he would have been justified in cutting his dad out of his life completely, but he never did. He couldn't. He made the choice to stay and give his affection to someone who didn't deserve it while turning his back on one who did. He made the choice to believe lies over the truth.

"Because I chose to," He seemed surprised by his own words.

Jon let go of his knee. "Understandin' that doesn't get rid of old mindsets, but it's a start. Marriage isn't easy, Shawn. It's hard. Sometimes it the hardest thing you'll ever do. Other times, it's the best. But trust me when I say, it's much better to go into marriage a whole person than an empty one."

An empty one. As the words hit his ears, he felt as though a bus ran through him and he inhaled sharply. Without any warning, he was thrown back into a past he didn't want to remember. He was in a hospital room with Jon laying bloodied and broken in front of him. His desperate pleas for help rang again in his ears:

Jon, even when I was at the Center, it was all the things that you taught me that made me wonder if it was the right place for me or not. But you didn't teach me enough. You… and Cory… and my parents… and the Matthews and the handful of people who really care about me, so don't blow me off, Jon! Don't blow me off, God! I've never asked You for anythin' and I never wanted to come to You like this. But don't take Turner away from me! He's not done yelling at me, yet. God, You're not talkin', but I know You're here. So, I'm going to talk and You can listen. God… I don't want to be empty inside anymore.

Shawn lowered head until his forehead touched his clasped hands. He felt cold, so cold, even though the house was warm and comfortable. Involuntarily, he shivered.

"I don't want to be empty anymore," he said quietly. He felt a strong hand grip his shoulder. The two men sat there in silence for a long time as Shawn tried to sort through his life. "I need a place to belong," he admitted finally. "I need to be anchored somewhere for good. I don't think I can move forward if I'm not."

"You'll always have a place here, Shawn." It brought the older man a great deal of pain to see the torment and agony in his young friend's face, knowing that he couldn't do anything to fix things for him. Knowing that he was, in part, a source of that pain.

"You have another kid comin'."

"We have enough room," Jon said in a tone of voice that didn't allow for arguing. "Anythin' you need, we're here. Even if it's just a room and a window to climb out of."

The corners of Shawn's mouth turned upwards. "I think I've finally gotten too old to be climbin' out of windows." He glanced at Jon. "But thank you."

The mood shifted and Jon knew the younger man was done talking for the time being. He was deeply relieved that Shawn was talking to him again and he felt a peace he hadn't had in years settle over him. He tapped Shawn's knee with the back of his hand. When his former charge looked up at him, he pointed to the door directly ahead of them. "That's it. That's your room."

Shawn followed Jon as he stood up. "How'd Audrey figure out where I was stayin'?" he asked, suddenly curious. He thought he'd covered his tracks pretty well.

"She didn't. Topanga did."

"Really?"

"Yeah, she thought maybe you'd go back to some spot we went to on the class trip. The hotel seemed like a good place to start. So I called there and asked if you were registered."

There's another person I need to thank, Shawn noted.

"So," Jon said as they stopped outside of the last bedroom door. "Do you just travel constantly or do you have a place to go to when you're not on the road."

Shawn shifted his weight to his right. "It's almost constant. I usually crash with friends or a hotel, somethin' like that. But when I do have down time and need to stay in one place for a while, I go back to Philly. I've kept the one place that always felt like home."

Jon frowned, somewhat dismayed by this. "You gotta place in the trailer park?"

"No," Shawn said. He regarded his teacher with great affection. "I've got your old place."

The superintendent was clearly not expecting to hear that. He looked pleased and humbled at the same time. His reaction made Shawn smile.

"Listen," Jon said, feeling a bit awkward suddenly. "Why don't you take some time to settle in. I'll let you know when dinner is ready."

Shawn nodded. "Sounds good."

As the younger man placed his hand on the doorknob and began to turn it, Jon asked, "You think you might stay longer than tonight? For a while maybe?"

Shawn looked back over his shoulder and nodded. He saw the relief that filled the older man's eyes. "I'll stay." As he said it, he immediately recalled a conversation with Katy:

"I can't let Maya get close to somebody else who just leaves."

"I'm not a leaver. All right? I'm a stayer. I'm the one who gets left."

A dark realization overtook him. He lied to Katy. Not intentionally, but still he lied.

"I left." The words were a bitter substance in his mouth.

The look on Shawn's face trouble Jon, but he didn't quite hear what he said. "Shawn?"

"I told Katy I don't leave, that I'm the one who stays. But I-" He turned to stare at Jon with wide eyes, filled with astonishment and self-reproach. "I turned my back on you when you needed me most. I left."

Why would I do that? He wondered in bewilderment. I stayed for those who didn't deserve it. Why did I leave someone who never left me?

"Jon. I am so sorry."

An apology was never required nor needed; Jonathan Turner only wanted the young man in front of him, the one he considered his own, to understand that he was always wanted and always would be. Jon put both hands on Shawn's shoulders with a forcefulness that make him look his mentor in the eye.

"You've got nothing to be sorry about. I'm just glad you're home."

"But the things I said to you before the accident. What I..."

"Stop, Shawn. Just...let's not go there." He took a deep breath. "Whether I should have or not I always saw you as mine. You were always my kid and that's what I told everyone. I have five kids and another on the way."

At the tears that were in Jon's eyes, Shawn breath caught in his throat.

"I realized years later that a lot of what Dad told me about you were lies," he admitted, ashamed of himself. "I couldn't come back after that. But there was always a part of me that saw you as my dad. I always wanted you to be."

Jon nodded too choked with emotion to say anything. Finally, he got out,

"Welcome home, Shawn."

"It is not flesh and blood, but heart which makes us fathers and sons." – Johann Friedrich Von Schiller