"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us."
-Joseph Campbell
The room was not at all what he was expecting. When he first set foot in that room nearly two decades ago it had been a very typical guestroom. Basic furnishings had been in neutral colors so as not to be offensive to whomever might be visiting. He remembered the furniture being older even then, from the 60s or 70s. The light fixtures, too, had been old. The bedding had been in shades in of gray and pale yellow. There had been an old rotary phone and small lamp on the lone nightstand. An antique French chair stood in the corner of the room, cattycorner from the bed. At the time, Audrey told him to do what he liked with the room and the idea excited him. What he'd hoped would be a whole summer with Jon and Audrey in the City ended abruptly within a week. He never had a chance to put his touch on the room.
This couldn't be the same room, though. The room he was standing in he did not recognize. If this was the same room the walls had been repainted from a light beige to a hunter green. The old furniture was gone replaced by matching wood pieces popular in the 1990s. The old bed was gone as well. In it's place stood bunk beds clothed in plaid sheets; one with a solid blue comforter and one with solid green. Shawn smiled. He knew why there were bunk beds.
For me. And Cory.
The green walls were plastered with posters of the favorite bands, movies, and sports teams of his childhood. Next to the beds was a desk with an old black metal lamp sitting on the corner. To the left of the desk was a blue metal bookcase filled with books. Curious as to what the books were, Shawn stepped closer and ran his finger across the spines. He chuckled out loud. Jon's sense of humor was on full display: Grapes of Wrath, The Scarlet Letter, Cyrano de Bergerac, Much Ado About Nothing, Lord of the Flies, the Elephant Man- on the top two shelves were all of the books Jon had ever assigned him in high school, most of which he never read when he was supposed to read them. The bottom two shelves were filled with every poetry book imaginable. Shawn inhaled deeply and felt a sting prick his eyes. He blinked several times and shrugged off the teariness that was building.
He turned his back on the bookcase to look at the rest of the room. The wall opposite the bed housed the closet with wooden sliding doors. Next to the closet was a tall dresser with a combination TV/VCR on top. A stack of VHS tapes and some DVDs sat on what little space that wasn't taken up by the television set. On the floor next to the dresser set an original PlayStation with a library of game stacked up higher than the console. A comfortable looking, old brown recliner sat across the room from it near the foot of the bunks positioned for optimal TV viewing. Against the wall near the door was a short dresser with a Sony boom box and a wire CD rack on top. Shawn pulled some of the albums out and found himself looking at all of his favorite bands. On the top of the pile was A Desert Life by the Counting Crows. That stinging returned to his eyes and he had trouble shrugging it off this time.
Shawn returned to the desk to check out it's content. The top was fairly bare save for a pencil holder, a cordless phone, and several X-men comic books. The drawers, however, were full. Pulling out the thin black computer chair to sit in, Shawn delved into the contents starting with the top drawer. There were several folders of varied colors similar to the ones he had used throughout school. Inside held memories of his school life both secondary and college. There were papers he had done for Jon's classes, articles and poetry he had written in college.
Where did these come from? He wondered about the college papers. In the back of one of the folders were copies of his Pennbrook report cards.
Cory.
At the end of every semester Cory had this peculiar habit of hounding him for a copy of his grades to "send home". Shawn never understood this predilection but Cory explained that "the parents" would want to see how they were doing and he always gave in even though it really didn't matter much to him. He had always assumed "the parents" were the Matthews.
Shawn put the folders back in their place and opened the next drawer. This one contained a box of photographs. Photos of his summer with Jon before Audrey came into their lives; of his life with both of them; at Chubbies, the mall, parks, and various other outings. One picture in particular caught his eye. He picked up a photo of himself and Cory hanging off the top of a rock climbing wall acting as though they were falling. He smiled as he recalled their trip to Six Flags with their favorite teachers. At the bottom of the box were several envelopes, some with Cory's handwriting and some with Topanga's, all addressed to Jon. Inside were more photos: some of the three of them, some of just two or one of them. Some pictures included Angela, Jack and Eric. On the backs of these, one of his best friends had written a little bit about the pictures. They were all from their senior year of high school through the end of college. Shawn stared at the photographs in his hands and hung his head. He felt a heavy weight settle on his shoulders as he thought about how badly his friends wanted Jon to be a part of his life that they would quietly continue to send their teacher updates about his life without his knowledge. It scared him to think how very much like his biological family he could be- to be able to so thoroughly shut someone out of his life as though they had never existed. Cory had tried for the years before Riley was born to get him to break that cycle and get him to fully reconcile with Jon which often led to loud arguments that required Topanga to referee. Eventually, life moved on for Cory as Riley, then Auggie, consumed his life. His reconciliation attempts dropped to once a year, then stopped altogether. It was only in the last couple of years that Cory, with his unwavering optimism and faith in him to do the right thing, had resumed his attempts. He was tremendously thankful that Cory never gave up on him.
Shawn put the pictures back in their spot and closed the drawer. He was about to sit up when he noticed a blue, plastic milk crate sitting between the desk and beds. He pulled it out and sat it on the desk. In the box was a collection of stuff that he had left behind at Jon's place. There were mementos from his trips with Jon over their first summer together and others from times with Audrey. There were also a couple of shirts, one shoe, scraps of scribbled notes, and a photo of his dad. He remembered the box being brought to school for him and he had left it in Jon's classroom more than once. Jon told him to just come by his place and pick it up. He never got around to it. But here it was after all this time. Shawn wiped at his eyes with the back of his sleeve. They were becoming redder and more irritated by the moment.
Grayson and Jamie had left his duffle bag by the door just barely inside the room. He reached for it and began to empty the contents. He set the snow globe on the desk by the lamp. As he put his box of letters in the middle of the desk, he realized that room was dust-free indicating that it was routinely cleaned. He tossed his bag onto the bottom of the closet floor before hanging up the few articles of clothing he had with him. As he closed the closet door, he saw a photo he hadn't noticed before hanging above the TV set. Shawn inhaled a sharp breath when he saw that the faded photo was of him, Cory, Jon, and Audrey from their Old Time photo shoot at Six Flags. He ran his fingertips across the picture of his family with a tender reverence. Abruptly, he turned and went to the bed, grabbing his phone that lay on the center of the mattress. On the back of his phone case was a small pocket meant for credit cards, but there only one thing Shawn ever carried in there. He opened the pocket and pulled out a slightly smaller than business card sized photograph taken from the same Old Time photo session. This one, his favorite from the set, was of only Jon and Audrey. It was a faded as the one of the wall with it's corners well worn. Years ago he had scanned a copy of it and restored to it's original state with the intent to carry it instead of the original. But it never felt right to Shawn and the copy was quickly replaced.
Presently, he found himself staring out of the large window that was located behind the desk. The large sturdy tree just outside grew tall, broad, and very close to the house. It was an even better window and tree than what was at Cory's childhood home. Shawn sighed and took a seat on the bed. He looked around the room once more, trying to capture as many details in his memory as possible. Suddenly exhausted, Shawn lay back on the bed and closed his eyes. One thing was certain, if he had this room back then, he wouldn't have the need to have an easy escape like this one provided. He never would have wanted to leave this room or this home.
The real room was better than any dream.
Grayson Turner stood nervously outside of the door at the end of the parlor level floor shifting from foot to foot. Several times, he raised his fist to knock on the door and several times he put his hand back into his pocket. He tried to give himself a pep talk like he would before a hockey game but the more he talked to himself the more he was ready to turn around and ask Julia to tell Shawn dinner was ready. The young boy thought better of that, however. His oldest sister had been stomping around in a bad mood most of the day and he didn't want to get yell at for bothering her. Running a hand through his tangled, curly auburn locks, he summoned all of his courage and banged on Shawn's door.
"Yeah, come in."
Grayson froze. Come in? Could he do that? He looked around the empty hall checking to see if anyone was watching him. He wasn't sure that it was okay to go into the room; every time he and Jamie had tried to sneak a peek at their mysterious brother's room their mother shooed them out or Julia told their dad on them and they got in trouble with him. Grayson couldn't help but worry that somehow he'd still get in trouble even if he was following Shawn's direction. Timidly, he pushed the door open just wide enough to put his head into the room. Shawn gave him an amused smile from the bed and motioned for him to come all the way in. Grayson took a deep breath and entered the room fully, shutting the door behind him, just in case Julia started stalking the halls.
Face to face now with the brother he'd heard so much about and so badly wanted to get to know, Grayson found that he nothing to say. He felt overwhelmed and embarrassed to be standing there so awkwardly in front of someone he was in awe of. He wished he wasn't such a little kid.
Shawn watched the boy nervously fidget with a compassionate affection. Even though he wasn't completely sure of what to say to the ten-year-old, he knew he had to be the one to break the silence.
"You're Grayson, right?"
Immediately, the boy's head jerked up and he met Shawn's eyes. A shy, flattered smile broke out over his round face and he nodded profusely.
"Nice to meet you."
Grayson licked his lips and stuck his hand in pocket. He held out a white charging cable to Shawn. "It's for my tablet," he explained tensely, the words firing rapidly at Shawn. "Mom told me your phone was dead and you didn't have your charger. I don't know if this will work, but it's what I have."
Shawn smiled, deeply touched by the gesture from his... little brother. "Thanks, man," he said looking the charger over. He picked up his phone from the desk and fit the cable into the charging port. ""Fits." He held up the phone so Grayson could see it.
Grayson was so relieved he felt like he might pass out. While Shawn plugged the charger into the wall outlet, the boy took the chance to look around the room.
Shawn noticed his look of envy and smiled. "Pretty cool room, isn't?"
Grayson jumped and looked at Shawn with wide brown eyes. "Yeah," he sputtered. "It's really cool."
Shawn motioned to the PlayStation. "You ever play that?"
Fervently, Grayson shook his head. "We only touched it. Once. Promise."
"It's okay, " he assured him, slightly confused the boy's sudden anxiety. "Really."
"Dad won't let us play with it."
"Dad's not into video games, huh?"
"It's not that," Grayson told him as he relaxed slightly. Talking to Shawn wasn't as hard as he thought it was going to be. "Jamie and I got our own PS3. We just aren't allowed to play with that one."
Shawn nodded and an idea started bubble in the back of his mind. After a moment, he tapped Grayson on the arm and said, "How about we play this weekend. You pick the game."
Astonished, Grayson stared up at him, mouth agape. "You mean it?" He couldn't believe that Shawn wanted to hang out with him. Just wait until he told Jamie!
"Yeah," Shawn said. "I mean it."
"So you're staying?"
"Yeah."
"How long?"
"I'm not sure. A while though."
"Cool." He grinned at Shawn with unabashed admiration. "Oh, yeah," Grayson said suddenly remembering why he had been sent to Shawn's room in the first place. "Mom says dinner's almost ready and you should come down."
Shawn grinned, suddenly starving.
"I'm right behind you."
As soon as Shawn and Grayson reached the dining room the younger boy took off after Jamie who had his tablet without permission, leaving Shawn alone in the middle of the room. Julia was setting the table with earbuds securely in her ears. She glanced up from her job and locked eyes with him. Her blue-gray eyes held his gaze with an unblinking stare. There was no hint of expression on her face, just an unnerving look that went right through him. The look made him squirm a bit. She went back to what she was doing without a word to him.
Jon wasn't kidding about not getting a warm reception from her, he thought bemusedly. That was downright frigid.
Audrey was busy is the kitchen putting the finishing touches on a fried chicken dinner. The aromatic smells that emanated from the room filled Shawn with homey contentment and warm memories of his childhood. At the piercing cry of one of her children, she looked up and saw Shawn. Her face broke out into a broad grin and she beckoned him over while issuing a sharp reprimanded to the squabbling siblings.
"How are you settling in?" she asked, raising her voice slightly to be heard over the din of noise of her children and dinner cooking.
"Great," he said, leaning over to hug her. "Is it always this loud?"
"No," she said, shaking her head as she stirred the mashed potatoes. "Usually louder."
"Can I help?" he asked, hoping to steal a few moment to talk to her.
"Stir these," she said, handing the mashed potatoes over to him with a smile of gratitude.
As a teen, Shawn had often helped Audrey in the kitchen. At first it was to appease Jon who didn't like him treating her like his personal chef by putting in his order then sitting back while she did the work. A consequence of this was that he learned to cook. Later on he volunteered to help just to be around her and talk when he needed a motherly understanding that Jon couldn't provide. Nothing, Shawn discovered, had changed in that regard.
"Hey, Audrey," he asked as she added milk to the potatoes. "Those pictures in the desk drawer in my room- did Cory and Topanga send you guys those?"
She nodded. "Yeah, they did. After you guys went off to college, Jon talked to Cory once every few weeks to see how everyone was doing, especially you. Cory took it upon himself to send Jon your school work and report cards. The Father's Day before he and Topanga were married, Cory made a copy of every photo he and Topanga had that you were in. They're all in the family photo albums in the living room."
"Really?" Shawn wasn't quite sure how to react. He knew how much was going on in Cory's life at that time; it impressed him deeply that his best friend would take the time to do that for Jon.
Cory's definitely the better son, he thought dolefully.
Audrey gave his shoulder a loving squeeze as she took the potatoes from him.
"Cory even sent report cards." He shook his head with a slight smile. It was a very Cory thing to do.
She smiled. "Cory was proud of how far you'd come in school. He knew Jon would be even prouder and he was right.
He paused, deep in thought. When he lifted his head again, he found her watching him carefully.
"Graduation was a big deal. I wish Jon had been there. You, Jon, Mr. Feeny, and my dad were the only people I really wanted to be there. In the end only Mr. Feeny was there."
"Jon was there, too." she said gently.
Shawn's mouth dropped a bit with surprise.
"He was there when you graduated high school, too."
"I figured that since he was was still teaching. But he was there when I graduated college, too?" Shawn was dismayed by this. His mentor must have felt like he couldn't approach him; that he would have been unwelcomed and unwanted.
Audrey could see that unforgiving regret settle into his features. She hated that look as she saw it too often in her husband. She took his hand between hers and told him firmly. "What's done is done. You're here now with us. That's what matters."
He nodded and sighed. Audrey handed him the corn and potatoes and sent him into the chaos of the dining room, knowing that it would prevent him from sinking further into any depression.
A moment after Shawn re-entered the kitchen, Jon walked in with Isabella in tow. The toddler looked refreshed and perky, nothing like she did when Shawn first met her. She caught Shawn's gaze, gave him a goofy grin, and then buried her face in her father's shirt collar.
"Hey," Jon greeted him. "How's the room?"
"It's really great."
"Feel free to make any changes you want. It's yours."
Shawn shook his head. "I like it the way it is. It's pretty perfect."
Jon's face lit up in delighted grin which made Audrey smile. She knew how much Shawn's approval meant as her husband had spent many hours making sure that the room was everything he could have wanted back then.
Jamie suddenly burst into the kitchen followed closely by Grayson scolding him for something or other. There was a pre-dinner chaos that was overwhelming, yet not uncomfortable. It surprised Shawn that he didn't mind the noise or activity. Bella kept chattering in two-year-old babble to her father, getting right in his face and making it nearly impossible for him to talk to anyone else. She ignored his attempts to teach her manners. Through it all, she kept looking back at Shawn to see if he was watching. Inevitably, as soon as they made eye contact, she would hug her father tighter to her and go back to chattering nonsensically to him.
Jon attempted to say something to Shawn but was distracted by Julia walking into the kitchen to retrieve glasses from the cabinet. He pointed at her outfit with an exasperated look of annoyance. She was wearing black skinny jeans and gray tank top. Over the tank top she wore an open, very over-sized dark blue button-down shirt.
"Are you wearing my shirt?"
Julia saw the look on his face and took out her earbuds. "Huh?"
"Are you wearing my shirt?" he said slower, emphasizing each word.
"Yeah, so?"
"Why are you wearing my shirt?"
She gave him a wide-eyes shrug as though she didn't really understand what he was asking.
Jon moved Bella to his left side. "You know between you and your mother who likes to wear my shirts when she's pregnant, I don't have much left."
Audrey, who had walked away from the group to transfer the chicken to a serving tray, returned to the stove. "What's wrong?" she asked, although she could guess from the look on her husband's and daughter's faces.
"Julia's wearing my shirts again without asking," he complained.
"Does it really bother you that much?" Audrey couldn't help but find his grumblings about this particular subject amusing.
"It wouldn't if my clothes ever made it back to my closet and I didn't have to rush in the mornings trying to find my missing shirts that are always wrinkled at the bottom of a pile of clothes on the floor." he replied looking directly at Julia. The words didn't seem to have any impact on his daughter, but then she knew he wasn't as upset as he seemed or else she wouldn't be able to get into his closet anymore.
Jon turned to Audrey. "I appreciate that Jules is single-handily trying to resurrect 90s fashion trends, I really do. I just wish she'd do it with someone elses' clothes." His wife gave him no sympathy as she was as guilty as their daughter. So he grumbled to himself, "Also, I'm missing a bunch of ties."
Audrey heard him. "For Father's Day I'll make sure the kids get you nothing but ties."
"Ha. Ha." he said without humor. "Just get me a bunch of ironed shirts I can hide from Julia on your side of the closet."
Audrey laughed and gave Shawn a cheeky grin and wink. "You heard him."
"Yep," he happily joined in teasing Jon. "Bunch of shirts and some ties. Got it."
The superintendent gave an exaggerated groan and eye roll, but he was smiling. Grabbing a platter of food, he head into the dining room. Shawn followed suit and helped Audrey take the rest of dinner to the table. Jon sat at the head of the table with Shawn on one side of him and Julia on the other. Grayson and Jamie fought over who would sit next to Shawn. Being younger, Jamie won, leaving Grayson to sulkily sit next his triumphant brother. Isabella sat next to Julia in her high chair so she would be close to her mother and cheekily engaged in cute antics to get Shawn's attention. He found himself involuntarily laughing at her overtures.
He expected the dinner table to be as loud, but as soon as everyone settled into place with food in front of them, the noise died down to a hum of conversation and laughter and occasional happy outbursts from a toddler. He ate quietly for the most part, listening and taking everything in. It felt like old-times, with just a few more people. And the food was even better than he remembered.
There was a flurry of activity after dinner to make it to Grayson's stick and puck session on time. Shawn considered staying behind and turning in early- it had been a very long and eventful day- but for some reason he didn't want to be alone. He helped where he could which turned out to be keeping an eye on Jamie. The little boy thought it was fun to unpack something from his brother's or sister's skate bag, wait until they put back what he took out, and then take something else out. He was rambunctious and mischievous, but there wasn't a malicious streak in him; he was just uninhibited and not very self-aware yet. Shawn tried to keep him distracted although he failed miserably; the little boy always managed to get around him and take something else of out of one of the bags. So Shawn resorted to doing what any big brother would do- he picked the youngest boy up, hoisted him on his shoulder, and held him there until the skate bags were packed safely in the trunk of the SUV. Jamie shrieked delightedly and talked non-stop in Shawn's ear for the duration on his ride.
There was a no electronics rule in the SUV on short trips which left the kids with little else to do but annoy each other, except for Bella who promptly fell asleep five minutes into the trip to the World Ice Arena in Queens. Shawn sat behind Audrey next to Julia who avoided saying more than two words to him. Much like at dinner, he remained quiet overall, listening and absorbing the events of the day. More than anything, he enjoyed listening to Jon and Audrey banter back and forth. The buzz of chatter and the hum of the vehicle made Shawn drowsy, but he fought the urge to sleep. There was a small part of him that was still afraid this wasn't real and if he should fall asleep now he might wake up where he was that morning.
The ice rink was in the Aquatics Center in the Flushing Meadows Corona Park. The park was expansive and from what he could see in the twilight looked to be an interesting place to explore. Once inside the arena, Jon got the family checked in for the public skate later and hustled Grayson off to put his equipment and skates on. Audrey took everyone else into the practice rink viewing area to get seated. Several of the players sat on benches around the rink as the ice was cleared, waiting for their session to begin. Adults milled about, talking to each other and their kids. Jamie saw a friend from school who brought toy cars with him and went to play with him. A couple of teen girls from Julia's skating club saw her and waved furiously. With her mother's permission, she took off to join them. This left Shawn with Audrey and Bella. The toddler was still doing her funny little switching from super shy to super outgoing, always acting up when Shawn was looking.
"She likes you," Audrey told him looking pleased.
Shawn found this hard to believe as every time he held his hands out to her she refused to come to him. Audrey tried to hand her to him once, but she cried like she had never seen him before.
"You sure?"
"She's trying to get your attention. She just doesn't know what to do with it when she has it." She explained. "She isn't very friendly to people she doesn't know. In fact, she usually just gives people really dirty looks." She laughed. "Even people she knows well actually. You should see the looks she gives Cory."
Shawn grinned.
Jon entered the rink with Grayson, fully dressed in his junior Rangers gear and ready to go. Leaving his son at a bench with his teammates, Jon headed over to Shawn and Audrey. Before he could reach them, a man near his age intercepted him and engaged him in conversation. They were clearly old friends. Shawn frowned as he studied the man. There was something so familiar about him.
"Audrey, who is that guy?"
Audrey looked up from untangling Bella's fist from her hair. She smiled, "That's Brian Leetch."
"The name's familiar," his voice trailed off. He still couldn't place who he was.
"Greatest Ranger of all time."
That jogged Shawn's memory. His hockey history wasn't very developed but he caught games every so often while on the road. Oddly enough many of those games were Rangers games. The two-time Norris Trophy winner had been one of the NHL's best defenseman and was the first American-born winner of the Conn Smythe Trophy.
"Jon seems to know him pretty well."
Audrey nodded. "Actually, Jon's pretty well known around here by a lot of former players. We spend so much time at the rink with Julia and Grayson and now Jamie's starting to get interested in hockey that this is pretty much our second home. And Jon's been playing in adult leagues on and off since we moved back. This is an off time for him because of work and he really misses it."
Jon and Brian were still deep in conversation as they walked over to where Audrey and Shawn were standing. Brian greeted Audrey with a kiss on the cheek and ruffled Bella's hair. Sure enough Bella gave him a dirty look before turning away from him. Jon relieved Audrey of carrying their daughter and she immediately sat down. It had been a long day for her, too. More so than she realized.
"Brian, this is my oldest, Shawn." He introduced the men with a proud grin.
Leetch smiled and held out his hand. "Nice to finally meet you," he said. "Jon talks about you all the time."
"Really cool to meet you," Shawn returned a nervous smile. Being introduced as family was disquieting as Shawn felt he didn't deserved the inclusion yet. He didn't have much time to dwell on this as he felt something small and violent latch onto his arm. It was Bella. She had a handful of his jacket, trying to pull him over to her. As soon as he looked at her, she let go and buried her face in Jon's hoodie as though Shawn had grabbed her. He didn't know what to make of it.
Brian laughed. "At least she kind of wants you," he told Shawn. "I just get those mean looks."
"Hey," Jon interjected jovially. "She may mean mug you still, but at least she doesn't scream when she sees you anymore."
They laughed and Shawn smiled as Bella reached out to him again while giving Leetch another unhappy scowl.
"Here," Jon said, handing her over to Shawn. He turned back to Brian to continue their conversation.
Shawn stood there woodenly holding the little girl who looked as though she couldn't quite believe that her father had just given her away. They stared at each other for a long moment. Shawn tried to remember what he did with Riley when she was this age but he drew a blank. Bella put her hand against his collar bone and stiffened her arm, keeping him at a literal arm's length.
"Cole."
Shawn blinked. "What?"
"Coal." she scowled, looking like she might throw a fit.
Shawn turned to Audrey who was pulling a blanket out of the Bella's bag.
Oh, cold! She's cold.
He took the blanket from her and gave it to Bella, expecting her to know what to do with it. The toddler looked at him like he was crazy.
"Co-wah." Her brow furrowed in indignation. She was beginning to get that awful look in her eyes again.
Shawn unfolded the blanket with one hand and put it around her shoulders. The moment the fabric was around her, Bella let out a big sigh, relaxed her arm, and sank against him. Her sudden, complete trust froze him. He didn't know what to do. Shawn stood there, ever so slightly rocking side to side because it seemed like the thing to do. It was, wasn't it? Didn't he do this Riley? Maybe? At any rate, Bella seemed content for the moment though he didn't know how long it would last.
Audrey wasn't watching Shawn and Bella although she could see in them in her periphery vision. She was watching her husband watching them while maintaining his conversation. She saw the look of satisfaction and elation in his eyes. Jon had always been an extrovert, especially in places where he was most comfortable like the rink, but Audrey noticed there was an extra liveliness in him tonight, a lightness that she hadn't seen in years, and it was attracting more people to him. He was surrounded by parents, mostly fathers, and players both young and old who wanted to join his circle. When she did finally turn her attention to Shawn she couldn't help but laugh at the very uncomfortable way he was standing and holding Bella.
"Shawn," she called him over to give him a break. "You won't make the whole session standing like that."
Shawn seemed relieved to give up his position and took a place next to her. Bella seemed neither happy nor upset as she remained with Shawn while holding tightly to a lock of her mother's hair. Halfway though the stick and puck session Jon pulled himself away from the glass around the ice to join his family in the bleachers. Julia with her friends in tow slid in next her dad. When she noticed Shawn, she wrapped her arms around her father and gave Shawn another one of those unblinking stares that he couldn't get any information from. Shawn shifted uncomfortably but was saved from having to decipher the meaning of the look by an out of control puck slamming against the glass and causing Bella to jump. She yanked on Audrey's hair as she clung to Shawn for comfort from the loud noises of the arena.
The stick and puck session lasted about 65 minutes. At the end, Grayson skated off the ice and ran over to the bleachers chirping good-naturely with a couple of friends.
"Hey, Dad," he said excitedly, running over to his father and Shawn, his eyes darting back and forth between the two men. "Coach says he gonna move me to center and put me on the line with Kozy and Hawks next game."
"Great job, G," Jon told him proudly. "That's a faster line and it'll be good experience for you."
"Yeah, I think need to run extra some speed drills so I can keep up," he said looking at his father hopefully.
"Not tonight, though."
"Oh, okay."
As the hockey crowd filtered out, the Turner family made their way down to the benches by the rink to get ready for the public skate. Shawn found it difficult to hold onto Bella and put the skates on Jon had given him. He was struggling so much that he missed the prod Audrey gave Julia in his direction. With a less than happy attitude, Julia went over to where Shawn was and planted herself in front of him.
"Need help?"
Shawn looked up, surprised to see her giving him a look other than that unnerving stare. Her expression was still unreadable but at least it was softer than before. He nodded and handed Bella over to her. Julia looked as though she was going to say something, then resorted to just giving him an uncertain look, before she walked off with her sister. Shawn shrugged it off by focusing on lacing his skates. Jon's skates fit him surprisingly well. As soon as he stood up, Jamie and Grayson were at his side. They grabbed his hands and pulled him towards the ice.
Audrey's days of ice skating where behind her until after the baby was born and it was with regret that she stayed on the player's bench watching her family skate without her. She was a solid skater and felt confident going onto the ice even in her state, but Jon wouldn't hear of it. Ordinarily, she would have put up a bigger protest, but skating while pregnant stressed him out too much. With all the pressure he was under with his job and nervousness about the new child she didn't want to add to his anxiety. She wasn't alone for very long, however, as Bella joined her on the bench shortly. She didn't care much for being put out the ice by her sister with a trainer that looked a short red version of an elderly person's walker and being then left behind. She much preferred skating with her father who would race her around the rink with her brothers and would rather wait for him. Grayson kindly skated her over to Audrey and let her into the player's area before zooming off to the others. Audrey grinned when she saw him go straight to Shawn. She was proud of her son for overcoming his shyness to engage with someone new.
It was quiet for a public skate. Usually, several of the hockey families stayed behind for the open session but it was a holiday weekend and many were heading out of town the next day like many people in the area. There were only a few people other than her family out on the ice and the boys were taking full advantage of the empty ice by racing around the rink as fast as they could. Jon was right behind them, often overtaking them with his much longer strides. After an initial warm-up period, Shawn found his bearings got into thick of it. Whenever one of the younger boys would stop, the men would run up on them and stop just short to send a cascade of snow over them. The boys would try to do it to them with comical results. Bella couldn't stand being left out and cried for her father to come and get her. Even Julia, whose friends had stayed to skate, couldn't resist joining in.
It was a surreal experience for Audrey to watch the scene before her as she had long prayed for this to happen for her husband. This was his dream come true. Audrey put her inability to be out there with them to good use and recorded everything she could on her phone. She even caught Julia laughing with Shawn.
It nearly 9 P.M. when the family left the World Ice Arena. In spite of the lateness, Jon took his wife and kids to a nearby food cart for a late snack. Although the day had been long and emotional, Jon felt wide awake and full of energy. Audrey, on the other hand, was losing more energy as time went on. But she said nothing as she wanted her husband to enjoy the night. They may all regret it in the morning, but there was no school for the next three days and besides they were really celebrating Shawn's homecoming.
Industry Pond was gloriously lit up in the dark, casting dreamy illumination over the table the family sat at. Shawn stole a moment while everyone was occupied, to pull out his phone, fully charged thanks to Grayson, and send the text he'd been meaning to send for a long time.
Coming tomorrow to get my stuff.
An idea had been percolating in Shawn's mind since the stick and puck session. This summer would be Jon's and Audrey's 18th wedding anniversary and he wanted to do something special for them. He hadn't decided what that would be exactly but in the interim he wanted to start documenting this time with them right away. Shawn pressed his lips together in thought. If he was going to do this properly, he was going to have to commit to staying in the City, staying with Jon and Audrey long-term. He shifted uncomfortably. Was he ready for this? It would be one thing if his staying only meant interacting with his family, Cory included, of course. But he knew that that was not all that staying would involve. Staying meant dealing with Maya. Staying meant facing Katy.
Shawn looked at Jon, then Audrey. A warmth washed over him. This is what he always wanted as a kid- the three of them together; the three of them as a family. Could he really walk away from the opportunity to live that dream because of the complications Maya and Katy presented? Right now he had no real responsibilities and his job allowed him to work from literally anywhere. He knew he'd never have a time like this again. But still...
His phone lit up with an incoming text.
Where are you?
Shawn debated on whether or not to tell Cory that he was in Flushing Meadows Corona Park sitting next to Jon. Ultimately, he decided against it. His friend had put him through an awful lot in the last year and it wouldn't hurt for him to sweat it out a bit. Besides, he had a lot of things to say to Cory and he wanted to say them in person.
Talk tomorrow.
With that, Shawn turned off his phone and immersed himself in his family.
It was nearly 11 when all of the kids were finally in bed and the remaining tasks of the day were finished. Audrey sighed wearily, ready for bed herself, but she wasn't sure she'd be able to sleep without first talking to Jon as she had not had the opportunity to do so since she had brought Shawn home. She found her husband in the upstairs living room with the TV on, staring absently at it. He looked tired but was no doubt still running on adrenaline. When he was like this, he would be up until the wee hours of the morning.
Audrey walked over to him and brushed his cheek with the back of her hand. He looked up at her and smiled tenderly. She settled in his lap like she often did with her back against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, resting his hands on her belly.
"Hey." she said softly.
"Hey." he replied back, kissing her hair.
"How are you?"
"Good."
His thoughts were a mile away and it was unlikely he would be in the mood to talk. As much as she wanted to know what he was thinking and how he was feeling, the one thing she had learned in 17 years was to leave him be and eventually he would seek her out to talk.
Audrey yawned. There was an episode of Home Improvement on the television. It was an odd choice and she wondered if Jon even knew what he was watching. It didn't matter though and she enjoyed the old show regardless of how many times she had seen the series.
As much as she wanted to stay awake until Jon was ready to go to bed she found herself fighting to sleep. Just as she was drifting off, a change in her husband's breathing and the tightening of his grip put her on alert. Carefully, so not to disturb him, she turned her head to look at him and saw the reflected light of the television screen in the tears that were slipping down his cheeks. In the years that they had been married, she had only seen him cry handful of times. Each time involved one of their children.
Tired as he was, Shawn was restless and couldn't relax enough to sleep. He thought he might grab a late night snack. But by the time he got down to the kitchen, he was no longer hungry. He wandered the house for a bit before ending up in the family room where Audrey said the photo albums were kept. Randomly, he picked an album and flipped through it. His pictures, the one Cory and Topanga had sent, were scattered through the pictures of the other kids. While his inclusion in the albums brought him a certain sense of belonging, they also brought a certain amount of sorrow. The album made it look as though he had been there all along, growing up along side the other kids.
Suddenly lonely, Shawn returned the album to it's place and started the hike up the stairs to his room. He wished that someone was still up, even if that someone was Julia, whom he still wasn't sure if she considered him friend or foe.
A light coming from the upstairs living room caught his attention and he stopped just outside of the doors, quietly leaning in. He saw Audrey sitting on Jon's lap, sleepily snuggled against him. Every so often, his former teacher would absently kiss his wife's cheek. Shawn smiled, any worry about the state of their marriage eased with each loving stroke Jon gave her. A distant memory rowed itself to the forefront of his cluttered thoughts causing his smile to broaden. That memory was of Jon and Audrey's first kiss, the one he tricked Jon into.
"Are you kiddin' me, Hunter? What has gotten into you today?"
Shawn couldn't answer the second question, but he could definitely answered the first.
"No, I'm not."
His teacher gave an exasperated sigh and went to his bedroom to change his clothes which were soaking wet thanks to Shawn.
"All I'm saying is live a little, Jon." he continued yelling into the bedroom from where he was standing in the living room. His jeans, shoes, and half of his shirt were just as wet as Jon's clothes.
"I live just enough, thank you," came the irritated return. "I can live just fine without gettin' dragged through an open fire hydrant. You didn't do that to Audrey, I noticed."
"I didn't need to," the teen chirped mischievously. "Audrey knows how to live on the edge."
The redhead shot him an amused look as she took a seat on the couch. She didn't know what had gotten into Shawn either, but he was just having some harmless fun. Harmless, except to Jon's ego perhaps.
"Does she now?" Jon grumpily exited his bedroom, drying his hair with hand towel.
"Yeah, nobody had to beg her to ride the roller coasters at Six Flags."
"Is that what this is about? Are you kiddin' me?"
It was a absurd thing to harass his teacher about but Shawn knew what he doing. He got the idea while they were in the bumper boats at the miniature golf place and he was determined to see it through. He knew Jon well enough to know what buttons to push to get under his skin. Shawn had to get him just irritated enough for this to work.
"Well, you wouldn't go on any of them with us."
"I went on the Last Ride. I think I proved myself on that."
Shawn snorted in derision. "You didn't chose to do that. You and Eric got pushed on that ride by Cory and Mr. Feeny. No way would you do that on your own." Turning to Audrey, he said with faux sympathy. "I'm sorry Jon's so stuffy and boring. You deserve way better."
The English Lit teacher had just about had it with Shawn's taunting. Normally, he would have ignored the boy or dished it back to him, but he was greatly frustrated that Shawn chose to do this in front of Audrey and he was getting flustered.
"What do you want from me, Hunter?" He sank unhappily on the couch next to Audrey who was clearly trying not to laugh.
"Prove you're not boring."
Jon gave him an apprehensive glare. He said nothing.
"See!" Shawn said to Audrey holding his hands out towards Jon. "He won't even say anything! He's boring."
"Fine," the teacher snapped. "What do you want me to do?"
Shawn sat on the back of the couch. He knew he almost had Jon. He licked his lips trying to contain himself. He didn't want to jump ahead and ruin his plan.
"Take a dare."
Jon rolled his eyes at the juvenile demand. "Like what? Prank call Feeny?"
Shawn hadn't thought of that. He paused. It was an interesting idea actually but he pushed it away, determined not to get distracted. What he had in mind was so much better.
"I dare you," he smirked at Audrey who was regarding him curiously. "I dare you to kiss Audrey."
They both stared at him for a moment. Audrey was as shocked as Jon was. She put her hand over her mouth to hide her reaction; she didn't think the man next to her would appreciate it.
"Are you kiddin' me?" Jon repeated again, unable to believe what he was hearing.
A deliciously devious smile overtook the boy's face. "I double dog dare you."
Jon was dumbfounded and more than a little disturbed. He couldn't wrap his head around why Shawn would do this to him in front of Audrey. He could feel his blood pressure rising rapidly.
When his teacher started to shake his head no, Shawn upped the ante. "I triple dog dare you to kiss her."
Jon bit his tongue, trying to contain his temper. He felt like a caged animal. This wasn't fair. What did he do to make Shawn turn on him like this?
"Are you okay with this?" he asked his student teacher, desperate for help. Normally, he could rely on her for support.
Audrey held out her hands as she shrugged noncommittally, struggling to maintain a neutral expression. "A dare's a dare," was all she said and that was a cop out as far as Jon was concerned.
"Why aren't you daring her?" he snapped petulantly, turning back to Shawn. He was completely alone on this matter he realized.
Shawn smirked. "I know she'll take a dare. Audrey's fun; she'll try new stuff, she's impulsive. But if it makes you feel better..." He turned to Audrey with puckish glee. "I dare you to kiss Jon."
It was all she could do not to burst out laughing at the look of sheer discomfort on Jon's face and the look of triumph on Shawn's. Jon started to protest that all she got was a simple dare. Shawn shrugged, clearly pleased with himself.
"You got a triple dog dare," she told Jon. "You kind of can't turn those down. Otherwise you look really bad."
"See?" Shawn jumped up jubilantly. "I told you so!"
"This is ridiculous!"
"I knew he was too much of coward." Shawn gave Audrey a sympathetic smile, pretending to be defeated.
"I am not!" Jon couldn't believe how much control he was giving Shawn over his emotions, but it was too late to get it back now.
"Five bucks says you won't do it."
With money now on the table, Jon had a choice to make. He was outnumbered, that much was obvious; they had sided together against him. He had no idea what Audrey would think of him if he backed out of this. Maybe she wouldn't care. Maybe she was only indulging Shawn. But then maybe she would care if he refused. Could he take that chance? He glared at Shawn before making his decision.
As Jon leaned in to kiss Audrey, Shawn's jaw dropped and his heart felt like it stopped. He couldn't believe it-it worked, the dare actually worked! He was thrilled to see Audrey lean into the kiss. It was apparent they both forgot he was there. He tried so hard to hold back the excitement that was threatening to burst through his skin. He didn't last long. A loud, joyous 'yes!" escaped his lips. This, of course, broke the moment. Jon sat back looking embarrassed for a minute before turning towards his charge who was giving him the most deranged grin he'd ever seen.
"All right," he said gruffly, his cheeks blazing bright red. He held his hand out to Shawn. "I want the five bucks."
Shawn's eyes sparkled with an impish gleam and his shoulders shook with laughter. He looked back and forth between the two on the couch before he gave Jon's hand a hard slap.
"I don't have five bucks. I just wanted to see you guys kiss!"
Audrey burst into embarrassed laughter as Jon lunged over the back of the couch making a grab for Shawn, who gleefully danced out of his reach and back to his room howling in triumph, his wet sneakers squeaking all the way.
Pulling himself back to the present, Shawn put a hand over his mouth to stifle the laugh that threatened to come out. That was, undoubtedly, one of his proudest moments back then. Watching his friends now, he was thankful that no more tricks were needed to get them together. Then he thought back to all the times they all sat on the couch together at Jon's apartment watching TV and falling asleep in front of it. His merriment faded some as he watched them. An irresistible desire to join the couple overcame him. He didn't want to interrupt, though. He thought he should just go on to bed but he found himself quietly walking into the room anyway.
Audrey saw him first and greeted him with a warm, sleepy smile. She tapped her husband's hand and nodded towards Shawn. In the light of the TV, Shawn saw his mentor's face light up, making him feel better about his intrusion.
"Mind if I join you?"
"Not at all," Jon said as Audrey pulled out of his arms. She settled herself next to him and pulled a pillow on her lap.
She remembers!
For a sweet moment, the years dissolved away. He lay down on the couch and put his head on the pillow. He felt Audrey's fingers begin gently massage his scalp. With a happy sigh, he took that hand and kissed her palm before letting go. When he was fifteen and they would watch TV like this, Shawn would daydream that Jon and Audrey were married and they had adopted him. This time around it was no dream. He felt a contentment he hadn't felt in so very long.
It's too bad you can't adopt an adult.
As Shawn drifted off to sleep watching the Home Improvement episode that was playing, it occurred to him that Al looked vaguely like the animal control guy Topanga had called to pick up little Cory once upon a time.
AN: How many BWM episode references can you find? lol