A/N: Thank you for the reviews, they mean a lot! To answer one question, the story should pick up the pace more after this chapter. There will be some periods where it moves along very quickly, and others where it's slower. The first year, for reference, is ten chapters. I will probably be posting closer to once a week moving forward.
Now, onto a chapter I like quite a lot. It's a Remus-centric one, poor boy. Hope you enjoy!
Chapter 5 - 1.5 or "Before the Moon Rises"
The remainder of the morning passed in fits of laughter, turns of anxiousness, and pangs of guilt for Remus. Hogwarts could not seem to talk of anything other than the prank on the Slytherins. Everywhere they went, the boys only heard more students retelling the story, laughing about it, or else speculating with one another about who was behind it. Remus tried to steer clear of these conversations, for every time he would overhear one, he'd have the distinct feeling that there was something very slimy and wriggly trying to escape from the pit of his stomach.
It was after their would-be second lesson of the day, Transfiguration, that Remus thought it was all going to crash down around them. They had spent the hour attempting Switching Spells, which he hadn't quite mastered yet. He had just managed to make his mouse (whose tail he was supposed to be switching with a string of yarn) stop hiccuping when the bell rang. He, James, Peter, and Sirius were halfway to the door when Professor McGonagall called for them.
"You four," her stern voice rang out from the front of the room. The boys froze. "Potter, Lupin, Black, and Pettigrew. I'd like to speak with the four of you for a moment."
Remus felt as if he might faint. A look toward his friends told him that they all had the same horrified expressions on their faces as he assumed he did. As if walking toward a death sentence, they turned and slowly approached the front of the classroom.
McGonagall surveyed them all for a moment before speaking again. "I have received word from Mr. Snape –"
"Who, Professor?" said Sirius quickly.
"Severus Snape," said McGonagall, and Remus would have found the innocent expression on Sirius's face much funnier had the situation not been so dire. "The young man who was at the center of the…incident…this morning at breakfast."
Remus chanced a glance at James, who looked to be fighting back a smile.
"Mr. Snape tells me that he believes the four of you were behind the events of this morning."
A heavy silence fell across them as McGonagall awaited some sort of response, or, perhaps, a confession. Remus did his best to keep his legs from shaking. This was it. They were going to be expelled. He had wanted to come to Hogwarts his entire life, and now that he had actually – miraculously – gotten the opportunity, he had barely lasted two weeks. He was weak. He was weak enough to allow two boys he barely knew to rope him into pulling pranks and causing trouble, all for the feeble, glimmering light of potential friendships he should not have had in the first place.
What would his parents say?
"Professor," said Sirius, and he alone looked incredibly calm. "I'm sorry, but I don't understand why Mr. Snape would believe that. How would we know how to do all those spells and tricks? We've only been here for two weeks!"
McGonagall narrowed her eyes at Sirius, as though attempting to size him up. "Be that as it may," she said slowly, "I shall be keeping an eye on the four of you –"
"Thank you, Professor," interrupted Sirius cheerfully. "If that Mr. Snape is making unfounded accusations towards us, it's a relief to know you'll be watching out for us."
There was a noise that sounded like a cross between a sneeze and a hiccup as James tried unsuccessfully to cover his laugh. McGonagall's lips pulled into a thin line and Remus got the impression that very few people – and, particularly, very few cheeky first years – ever interrupted Professor Minerva McGonagall.
"Potter and Black," she continued, her tone icier than it had been previously, "you have both already been assigned one detention. You are all Gryffindors, and I expect you to behave like Gryffindors from now on. If I hear differently, I guarantee that you will regret it. You may go."
Amazed that they hadn't been further punished, the boys hastily exited the classroom and made a beeline for the Great Hall.
"That was close," said Peter, who looked quite pale.
"Nah," said James. "They don't have any proof it was us. Good going in there, Sirius, by the way."
Sirius shrugged and grinned as they entered the Great Hall and took their usual seats at the Gryffindor table. "There's no way the teachers would think that a bunch of first years could have pulled off something like that. We have youth on our side, lads."
"Hey, look over at the Slytherins!" said James.
Remus turned toward the opposite table, which was inhabited by a slew of pale pink students. It appeared as if the neon pink from that morning had faded a bit, but the hue was still noticeable. Severus Snape was nowhere in sight.
"Mad, isn't it?" said a voice from Remus's other side. They all turned to find a Hufflepuff who Remus recognized as Ev Linney standing near them, gazing over at the Slytherin table. She grinned at Sirius and James. "Brilliant prank, boys."
James just sputtered while Sirius grinned up at her. "Have you been talking with Gin, by chance?"
"Nope," said Ev. "I figured it out all on my own, in fact. Don't worry, I won't tell."
And with that, she left to go say hello to Gin.
"How does she know?" whispered Peter.
Sirius did not appear concerned. "Gin Leigh knows too. They were in the compartment with James and me on the train, so they must have just sussed it out, I guess."
James shook his head solemnly, staring down the length of the Gryffindor table toward the girls. "These girls…they know more than what's good for them."
Remus sighed and started digging into the turkey that he had loaded onto his plate. "Well, at least they said they won't tell anyone."
And yet, somehow, by afternoon break, almost the entire student population seemed to know that a group of Gryffindor first years had been responsible for the prank on the Slytherins that morning.
By the time the boys had finished dinner that night and had returned to the Gryffindor common room to start their Potions essay, Remus was so tired he could barely think straight. All he wanted to do was to finish his assignment and crawl into his bed. Sirius, however, had other things on his mind.
"So what time are we going to go exploring?"
Remus blotted his parchment in surprise and looked up at the others. "What?" he asked, praying that he had heard wrong.
"Well we pulled off our prank on Snivellus and we didn't even get punished for it," said Sirius, as if this were the most obvious thing in the world. "So it's time to celebrate by exploring the castle some more."
"Can we go now?" asked Peter, setting down his quill and looking ready to run out of the portrait hole at that very moment.
James scoffed. "What's the fun in going now? Everyone's still out there."
"We have to go after curfew," agreed Sirius.
Remus sank low in his chair. He had completely forgotten about their plan to go explore more of the castle's depths in celebration of their prank. He had to figure out some way to get out of this without disappointing them. Weak or not, there was no way he was going to break more school rules in one day. McGonagall was already onto them. They had skirted punishment enough and he wasn't taking any more chances. There was no way he was going to go exploring after curfew…absolutely no way.
And yet, only a few short hours later, Remus found himself standing guard alongside James in a dark, sixth floor corridor. A creaky door across from them opened and a dark form that resembled Sirius's head popped out from it, squinting into the blackness.
"Coast is clear?" he whispered.
James straightened from where he had been leaning against the corridor wall. "Coast is clear, come on out." The door opened a bit wider and Remus could just make out the shapes of Sirius and Peter emerging into the corridor alongside them. "Any luck?"
"No," Sirius sighed. "We tried all of the mirrors in there and nothing."
"Why do girls' lavs have so many mirrors?" asked Peter crossly. "The boys' lavs don't have nearly that many."
"Come on," James said, ignoring the question. "Let's try this way."
As they turned to start walking through the darkness, there was a crunch and a muffled oath from Sirius. "Ouch, Peter, watch where you're going!"
"Sorry!"
Peter's short form was barely discernible bobbing around somewhere behind Sirius. Remus had originally suggested lighting their wands in order to prevent bodily harm, but James had shot the idea down at once, saying it would be a dead giveaway to any professors who were walking around (or "keeping a close eye on them" interrupted Sirius) if they lit their wands. So instead, the four boys had been wandering the moonlit corridors for over an hour looking for the mirror-guarded Hogsmeade secret passageway but discovering not so much as a secret mouse hole.
"This is pointless," Sirius said after another ten minutes of walking. "How are we supposed to find anything if we can't even see where we're walking? We could have strolled past the mirror three times without ever seeing it." He stopped suddenly, and another loud thump told Remus that Peter had once again run into him.
"Lumos." A bright light jetted from the end of Sirius's wand and showed him to be rubbing his head, glaring at Peter.
Remus took advantage of the light to examine his surroundings. They were in a long corridor, on one side lined with enormous portraits of grumpy-looking goblins, on the other lined with long, narrow windows that opened to the dark sky. Through one of the windows, the waxing moon was visible. Remus shuttered and looked away, an unwelcome and terribly familiar little voice in his head whispering, "Four days…"
The boys walked on, their speed steadier now that they didn't keep bumping into one another. Remus was just getting up the nerve to suggest that they find their way back to the common room when Peter, who had stopped briefly to lean against a solid stone wall, disappeared straight through said wall.
"Peter!" cried James.
The three of them ran over to where he had disappeared, examining the wall frantically.
"Hello?" Peter's voice sounded much higher-pitched than normal. "Guys? Where did you go?"
Sirius moved forward cautiously with his hand outstretched and attempted to press his palm flat against the stone, but found himself touching nothing at all.
"What the…"
"It's not a wall!" said James, as he, too, reached his hand out and put it straight through. "It's just solid air, pretending to be a wall!" And without another word, he stepped forward into it. "Brilliant!" came James's voice from the other side. "I think it's a secret passageway!"
Sirius bounded forward and disappeared as well, leaving Remus feeling mighty alone in the long dark corridor.
"Remus! Get in here!" said Sirius's voice.
He looked around nervously. One of the goblins in the portrait nearest him seemed to be watching him with interest. He gulped.
"W-wait for me!"
Taking a deep breath, Remus stepped forward into what appeared to be the solid stone wall, but instead of hitting his nose, he walked straight through it. Sirius, James, and Peter were grinning at him from inside a very cramped, narrow passage.
"Come on," James said, staring off in the opposite direction. "Let's see where it comes out."
The passage turned out to be quite short; the boys emerged from behind a painting of a banshee only moments later. They looked around, surprised to find themselves in the Charms corridor.
"Well that could come in handy," said Sirius, grinning. In the small pool of light, Remus saw that Peter appeared to be very pleased with himself.
The four walked on, Sirius and James inspired by their find and determined to discover more of the castle's secrets. Peter hurried in their wake, using his hands to feel along the stone walls in order to make sure there was nothing else masquerading as something it wasn't. Remus trudged along next to James, thinking longingly of his warm four-poster. They turned a corner into a corridor that looked relatively familiar to Remus, but he couldn't place it. Sirius held his wand high over his head, elongating the pool of light they were standing in.
"Where are we?" he whispered.
"I think we're near the hospital wing," said James, looking around curiously. "I remember seeing it somewhere near –"
"Shhh!"
James was cut off abruptly when Sirius's free hand clamped over his mouth. A second later, Remus realized exactly why Sirius had shut him up. There was the unmistakable sound of soft footsteps drawing near to them.
"Who's there?" The croaky whisper seemed to bounce around the corridor walls as though it had been bellowed. "Apollyon? Is that you?"
Sirius extinguished the light of his wand immediately, but the nearly-full moon lit the hallway enough so that their outlines were clearly visible.
"What do we do?" Remus asked, frantically. He didn't know how many more of these situations he could get in before his heart gave out. Being friends with James and Sirius exhausted his nerves.
"Quick!" said Peter, whose dark shape was trembling slightly. "The incantation for the Hue Alteration Charm we practiced! The one that we decided wasn't strong enough for Snivellus. It was something like…like 'Galbinus,' wasn't it?"
Remus wracked his brain, trying to catch up to what Peter was talking about. "Erm, yeah, I…I think that sounds right…Peter, what are you doing?"
Even in the semi-darkness, Remus could see Peter scrunch up his face in concentration and point his wand directly at Remus's chest. Before Remus could protest or even move a muscle, the incantation had been uttered and he felt a trickle of cold spread from the tip of the wand touching his chest all the way through his body, from his hairline to his toes.
"Peter!" whispered Sirius vehemently. "What the hell did you just do to Remus?"
The cold that had infiltrated Remus was dissipating slightly. Nothing seemed to have happened. Remus looked in shock at Peter, who was wide-eyed and pale in the moonlight, but no longer trembling.
"I…I –"
"What in the world are you boys doing out of bed at this hour?"
At once, a bright light encompassed them and Remus shielded his eyes. Wincing, he looked up to see that the wand light belonged to none other than their Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Eldon, who was staring at them through her one open eye, apparently livid.
"Professor!" Remus felt his heart sink at the squeak in Sirius's voice. He had been hoping that Sirius would once again help to talk their way out of the situation. "We were just…"
"Just what, Mr. Black? What possible excuse do the four of you have for wandering the castle in the dead of the night?"
"Well, you see…we, er…" James faded off, apparently no excuse coming to mind. Remus felt his heart sinking to his toes. They were in for it now.
"Professor," Peter piped up, and Remus turned to stare at him in shock. "You see, we were trying to find the hospital wing. It's Remus here." Everyone turned to stare at Remus, who just looked back at Peter, confused and horrified. "He's really ill. He's been sick since supper. We were trying to get him to Madam Pomfrey!"
Eldon put her wand closer to Remus's face, her left eye examining him closely.
"Dear me!" she said, jumping back a bit. Remus glanced back at Peter, who was nodding in an encouraging manner. "You're so green, Mr. Lupin! What in the world happened?"
Remus swallowed. James was standing behind Eldon, urging Remus on. Sirius was looking between Remus and Peter, wide-eyed.
"Er, I think I ate a rotten Cockroach Cluster after supper tonight." Remus fidgeted, ashamed at his flimsy story. Surely she would never buy that and he would have to endure the disappointed looks of his friends as they all served a year's worth of detentions. He never was good at lying.
But to his wonderful surprise, the old woman just nodded sympathetically. "Well those things can make you ill even when they aren't rotten," she said, ushering them down the corridor and toward the hospital wing. "Go on and see Madam Pomfrey, dear. I'm sure she can give you something to make you feel better."
And later, as Madam Pomfrey poured a lumpy yellow potion that tasted like sprouts down Remus's throat, after Peter had whispered the incantation to get him back to his non-sickly color, Remus distinctly saw both James and Sirius, smiling broadly, clap Peter on the back, and he knew at that moment that all of them were grateful to have Peter Pettigrew as their friend.
The common room was unsurprisingly empty when they arrived back from the hospital wing. It had taken much pleading and bargaining from the boys before Madam Pomfrey had allowed Remus out of her grasp. It was now well after midnight.
"Well it wasn't a complete waste," said James between yawns as they climbed the staircase to the boys' tower. "We did find a secret passage."
They entered the dark dormitory. Loud snores told them that Goomer was fast asleep.
"So when are we going again?" whispered Sirius.
Remus sighed. He had known this was coming and had to admit that although he didn't fancy being hexed to look sickly again, exploring the castle in the dead of the night hadn't been as awful as he had predicted. But he was starting to find, more and more, that anything done in the company of James, Sirius, and Peter was far from awful. Then again, they had broken so many rules in the last week while successfully evading punishment that Remus was starting to suspect that their luck was bound to catch up to them soon.
"How about we continue our search for the Hogsmeade passageway this Saturday night after Quidditch tryouts?" said James. "It'll be our way to celebrate my making the team!"
As Sirius and Peter agreed vehemently, Remus's heart started pounding at an alarming rate. That Saturday would be the full moon, his first full moon at Hogwarts, his first full moon to ever be spent away from his parents. What would he tell his friends? Not only could he not go exploring, but now he had to figure out some sort of excuse to tell them that wouldn't raise suspicion.
"Remus," said Sirius as he climbed into his four-poster, "what do you say, mate?"
Remus nodded slightly and forced a smile, his teeth gritting together in an effort to steady his suddenly trembling muscles. "Sure," he said, hating himself. "Th-that sounds good."
He had barely bade the others good night and closed the curtains around him before the tears started to fall. Weak, the voice in his head hissed at him over and over, in time with the beat of his heart. Weak…weak…weak. He would have to lie to the only three people in the world whom he had ever been able to call friends. And it wouldn't stop there. He would have to lie to them again and again, every month for the next seven years.
Ever since he had been bitten, ever since the before, his parents had told him that he was still the same person, that he deserved just as much happiness as every other child, and that the monster that arose every full moon didn't have any control over his life for the other twenty-nine nights of the month. But they were wrong. He was weak. And soon he would be a liar, too. And the idea of lying to James, Sirius, and Peter – not to mention the prospect of lying to them repeatedly – made Remus feel more like a monster than he had ever felt in his life.
His tears quieted after a while, but the voice in his head did not.
The next four days passed far too quickly for Remus. He and the rest of the Gryffindors spent most of their time after classes in the common room, working through the vast amounts of homework they had been assigned. One evening, Remus, so sick of staring at his History of Magic essay and even more tired of glancing every few seconds at the moon that mocked him from outside the window, suggested that they take a break and get a snack from the kitchens. Sirius and James, who had finished their essays long before, had looked at him proudly; when they returned an hour later, stuffed with chocolate eclairs and custard tarts, Remus finished his essay without glancing out the window once.
For the few days leading up to the Quidditch trials, it seemed that James cared for nothing else. In the evenings, he would scribble down his homework as quickly as possible and then spend the rest of the night with his nose stuck in a Quidditch book or discussing tactics with either Stuart Bones or Jeremiah Peakes, a fourth-year Beater who had taken a liking to James after the prank on the Slytherins. According to James, no first year had been selected for a house team in eighty years, but Peakes was sure he could get the Chaser position if he used the Sloth-Grip Roll they had been discussing. Remus tended to zone out when James would start talking about Quidditch. He liked Quidditch very much, but James would go on for hours if any of them looked too interested.
Saturday morning bloomed in an array of sunshine that made the dormitory much too warm to sleep comfortably in, not that any of the boys would have been able to have a lie in with James bouncing around. He was usually the one they had to pry out of bed in the mornings, but apparently sleep was no match for the excitement that Quidditch brought.
"Oi, James," said Sirius, his voice muffled in his pillow. "You're running round like a Fwooper with its head cut off. Give it a rest, will you?
James threw a pillow at Sirius, who covered his head with it and mumbled something unintelligible.
Remus sighed, thinking that sleep was futile now anyway and wishing very much that it was this time tomorrow. He felt peaky and weak, as he always did when the full moon was approaching. James ran over and pulled back Remus's curtains all the way. Wincing as the bright sunlight hit his eyes, Remus looked up at the excited form of his friend, but James looked down at him, frowning.
"Whoa, Remus, you don't look so good."
Remus forced a smile and stumbled out of bed. There was a desperate ache in his spine when he straightened it, and his legs trembled slightly, but he would not allow himself to show his anguish to the others. If nothing else, they would ask too many questions.
"I'm fine," he said, digging through his trunk for a clean set of robes. "Let's get some breakfast, and then maybe we can go down to the pitch so that we can watch your tryout."
There was a brief flash of concern in James's eyes as he surveyed Remus, but a moment later, he had sprung up onto his own bed and began bouncing up toward the red canopy. "I'm going to be the best Chaser Hogwarts has ever seen! Just you wait, just you wait, just you wait and see!" He sang the last words so loudly that Remus winced, a piercing headache forming behind his eyes.
Sirius again mumbled something vaguely unintelligible from underneath his pillow, though Remus detected a few grumbled swearwords. James hurdled off the bed and pulled Sirius's hangings all the way open before pointing his wand at the prone figure and smirking.
"Aguamenti!" he said, and a stream of water flew out of the tip of his wand and onto Sirius's back. Sirius gave a cry and jumped out of bed, scowling at James.
"Finally got that charm down, huh?" he snapped, whipping off his wet shirt and rummaging through his trunk for some wrinkled robes.
James shrugged and sprinted toward the door. "I knew it couldn't be that hard…if you could do it. See you at breakfast!" And with that, he disappeared down the staircase.
Sirius rolled his eyes before looking over at Peter's still slumbering form. He pointed his wand at him, grinning mischievously, and even through his exhaustion, even through the pain in his head and the stiffness in his back, Remus had to laugh.
After a quick breakfast in the Great Hall (Remus's stomach was in knots, and though he tried to force down some porridge, it tasted like clay in his mouth), the boys walked down to the Quidditch pitch. Remus bid James good luck before going to sit in the stands between Sirius and Peter. The stands were surprisingly full of spectators, with students from all houses and years having turned out to watch as about twenty Gryffindors vied for one of the two open spots on the team. James, of course, was hoping for the Chaser position. Remus recognized a few of the people on the field, including Stuart Bones, Jeremiah Peakes, and Fiona Beal, who was the fifth-year captain. The only other first year trying out was Raeanne, which surprised Remus slightly, as this was the first time he had seen her without Goomer and Mary at her side.
The boys had just settled into their seats in the stands and watched as Fiona ordered the hopeful players to fly a lap around the stadium when Peter gave a startled cry, and Remus turned toward him just in time to see his friend lurch forward off of his seat, courtesy of a hard poke to the back of the head. So fixated on the flyers in front of them, none of the boys had even noticed the Slytherins who had taken the seats in the row just behind them. Remus helped Peter to his feet as Sirius jumped up, fumbling for his wand.
"I see you've got used to the sort of riffraff you're forced to hang round as a Gryffindor, Black," said the party guilty of delivering the poke, a sneering Marshall Avery.
"What do you want, Avery?" snapped Sirius, his wand now gripped tightly in his hand. Remus held onto the railing behind him, his head spinning from having jumped up so suddenly.
"We just came out to see what kind of competition Gryffindor would be fielding on the pitch this year," said Avery, who twirled his wand through his fingers. "But I couldn't see much of anything, what with this fat lump sitting in front of me."
Peter turned pink as the other Slytherins laughed cruelly. Remus recognized them all as their fellow first years: Mulciber, with his twisted, pale face; Wilkes, who had nerve to laugh at anyone else's girth; and Evan Rosier, who had blond hair, blue eyes, and looked very much like he couldn't be bothered by the conversation.
"Now don't go blaming Peter for your inability to see," Sirius said. "It must be hard to get a glimpse of anything at all when your head's stuck so far up your own arse."
The wand in Avery's hand ceased its twirling, and his fingers now curled over it as though readying for a fight. As surreptitiously as he could, Remus reached into his robe pocket, fumbling for the handle of his wand, and hoping against hope that he wouldn't be forced into his first duel while standing in the Quidditch bleachers on the morning of a full moon.
"Don't know why that hat put you in Gryffindor, Black. We all know you haven't actually got any guts at all, don't we?"
"Shut your gob, Avery." Sirius had gone very pale, and his wand hand was raising ever so slightly.
"That's it?" said Avery, smiling vindictively. "No witty comeback?"
"Why waste my breath? It's not as though you understand my wit, particularly when I use words that are bigger than one syllable."
"You know," said Avery, his eyes lingering on Remus and Peter, "I wonder what your mother would say if she knew the kind of trash you've been hanging round. Maybe she'd give us all a laugh by treating us to another Howler."
Sirius's wand was now pointing straight at Avery's smirking face. "Call them trash again, you dirty, scum-sucking git, and see what happens."
The other Slytherins also raised their wands, and Remus could feel his legs begin to tremble as nervousness and exhaustion fought for authority within him. With all the confidence he could muster, Remus, too, raised his wand, his other arm still gripping tightly to the railing, his mind desperately trying to think of a spell that might be helpful in this type of situation.
But he needn't have worried.
"Is there a problem here?"
Hestia Jones, the fifth-year Gryffindor prefect, was climbing her way through the seats toward the group of first years, who all lowered their wands hesitantly.
"No problem at all," said Avery in an oily, contemptuous voice.
Hestia sized him up, her eyes lingering over the scene. "These are the Gryffindor stands. If you're here to watch the tryouts, you need to go sit in the Slytherin stands."
"You're joking, right?" Avery snapped. "There's students from every house sitting here."
"And none of them are making a scene," said Hestia calmly. "Remove yourselves, or it will be ten points from Slytherin."
Avery let his eyes travel up and down Hestia's body with all the condescension it seemed he could muster. Then he turned back toward the first years. "Watch your back," he said before turning on his heel and pushing through the stands. The remaining Slytherin boys followed him, all providing varying degrees of glaring and knuckle-cracking as they went.
Hestia returned to her seat after giving Remus and Peter a tight smile, though she ignored Sirius entirely. It was getting difficult to remain standing, so Remus collapsed back into his seat with great relief. His friends took their spots on either side of him, and though they kept silent as they watched the remainder of the tryouts, Remus could feel waves of anger emanating from his left side where Sirius sat.
The trials didn't last very long after that. To Remus's untrained eye, James was a very good flyer, but there was a noticeable problem. The old school broom that he was riding was jerky and had the tendency to fly backwards at random moments, which caused a nasty incident when James accidentally backed straight into a second year by the name of Andrew Adamsly, who had most unfortunately been swinging his Beater's bat at the time and hit James in the back of the head.
After another visit to Madam Pomfrey, who tsked and forced an Anti-Concussion Concoction down James's throat, the boys returned to Gryffindor Tower, where they spent the remainder of the morning lounging listlessly. James was distraught. He stared into the fire and refused to talk to any of them for over an hour.
"Come off it, James," said Sirius irritably. His bad mood was exacerbated by the fact that he didn't seem to enjoy this new, sullen version of his friend. "You'll get on the team next year, for sure."
"But that only leaves me six years of Quidditch!" James moaned.
Around lunchtime, when the majority of the Quidditch team had reentered the common room, having successfully found a new Chaser and Keeper, Stuart Bones made straight for James.
"James," he started, and James looked up hopefully. "How's your head?"
"Fine," James mumbled.
Stuart nodded sympathetically. "No one blames you for what happened, you know. The school brooms are the biggest reason why no first years ever make the team – they're so unreliable."
"It's a crap rule that I can't have my own broom."
"I agree," said Stuart. "It's just tradition, I guess. But I chatted with Fiona, who says that if you keep on form, you're a cinch to make the team next year."
James brightened a bit after that, but still wasn't his normal energetic self. Remus paled when Stuart then turned to him.
"It's Lupin, right?" Remus nodded, heart quickening. "I ran into McGonagall on the way up here. She asked me to tell you that she wants to see you in her office for a moment."
"Why?" asked Sirius.
Stuart shrugged. Remus stood gingerly, as his legs were shaking, but that was from exhaustion now more than nervousness. He knew exactly why McGonagall wanted to see him.
"I'll see you all in a bit," he said, and he made his way through the portrait hole, trying not to sway on his weakened legs.
He was out of breath by the time he made it to McGonagall's office, even though he had been walking at a slow pace. He knocked on the door.
"Enter," said McGonagall's stern voice.
Remus opened the door and walked in, somewhat awkwardly. The office was spacious and orderly, with a tall bookshelf standing behind a handsome desk, where McGonagall sat, sifting through an alarmingly high stack of essays. She looked up when he entered and smiled at him.
"Mr. Lupin," she said, gesturing toward a wooden chair that sat in front of her desk. "Please sit down." Remus obeyed. With a flick of her wand, the door closed gently behind him. "How are you feeling?"
"I – I feel fine, Professor, thank you," he lied.
She surveyed him, and Remus was relieved to see that she didn't show pity. He had no interest in garnering pity from the Hogwarts staff.
"I wanted to speak with you in order to go over the arrangements we have made for this evening, and the subsequent full moons throughout your Hogwarts career."
Remus nodded lamely. McGonagall pointed out the window by her desk toward a large tree that was visible near the edge of the grounds, swaying in the wind.
"Do you see that tree?" Remus nodded again. "That tree is called a Whomping Willow, and it was planted last summer in order to ensure your safety and that of your fellow students during your transformations. This evening, before the moon rises, you will be taken through a tunnel that opens underneath that tree. The tunnel will lead you to an empty house on the outskirts of Hogsmeade village, where you will transform and remain until morning. Professor Dumbledore has cast an assortment of protective charms around the house, and the tree's defense mechanisms ensure that no one will come across you while you are in your other state."
Remus stared at his shoes, humiliation burning a hole in his churning stomach. He couldn't believe all the trouble the professors had gone through for his benefit.
It's not for your benefit, though, the voice in his head told him. It's for the safety of your classmates…your friends…James, Sirius, and Peter and all the rest of the kids who have no idea how dangerous you are…have no idea that you are a monster.
McGonagall was speaking again, and Remus had to force himself to listen.
"You will need to meet Madam Pomfrey in the hospital wing at five o'clock this evening. She shall escort you through the tunnel and then will come and retrieve you in the morning. Do you have any questions?"
Remus shook his head, but kept his mouth shut, suddenly worried that he might be sick all over McGonagall's rug.
McGonagall simply looked at him for a moment. "Then you may leave," she said. Remus rose from his chair and went to open the door, but froze when he heard her voice again. "Oh, and Mr. Lupin?" He turned and looked at her when she did not continue. He still couldn't detect any pity in her eyes, but there was a sadness there that had not been there before. "Good luck."
Remus took a deep breath. "Thank you, Professor."
He thankfully made it to the lavatory on the fourth floor in time to empty the contents of his stomach. After, he sat on the cold hard ground for several minutes with his legs curled into his chest and his cheek resting atop his knees, trying to steady himself before making the trek back up to Gryffindor Tower. His thoughts turned to his parents. For the first time in seven years, they would not be spending the night of the full moon listening to the tortured cries of their only son. He imagined them in the Lupins' small sitting room, his mother knitting and his father reading, neither of them daring to mention their relief at not having to tend to their half-breed son. They would worry, certainly, but it was better for them this way. In the pit of his stomach, Remus longed for the gentle hands of his mother and the calming words of his father, but he was selfish for doing so. They were better – safer – with him hidden away in a house on the edge of Hogsmeade village, separated from the world by Dumbledore's spells and a defensive tree.
After gathering himself and splashing his face with cold water from the tap, he made his way back up to the common room, where he found Sirius, Peter, and James in the exact same spots he had left them in. James had now curled up in his squishy arm chair, his head lolling about over the side of it, staring dispiritedly into the fire.
"What'd McGonagall want?" asked Sirius, the moment Remus had sat down next to them.
"She, er, just wanted to ask me a question about my essay on Switching Spells," he lied quickly, not meeting Sirius's eye.
"What about it?" Sirius pressed. Remus felt his hands start to tremble and hid them instinctively in his pockets.
"I…I f-forgot to cite some sources." He had fumbled through the lie and fully expected Sirius to call him out on it, but the other boy just rolled his eyes.
"If you ask me, all that 'three sources' business is a load of rubbish. A Switching Spell is a Switching Spell, and any wizard with half a wand can do a Switching Spell." Remus noticed Peter turn pink and shift awkwardly in his seat, but Sirius apparently did not notice any such thing. "I mean, really, why does it matter which books spell out how to do it anyway?"
No one answered. Remus was unsure if the question was rhetorical or not, though, admittedly, he didn't want to bring any additional focus to his lie about the essay. James did not appear to be listening to the conversation at all.
"Are we still going exploring tonight?" asked Peter after a moment, and Remus got the distinct impression that he was trying to change the subject.
"I'm not," said James. Sirius and Peter turned to look at him in shock.
"What? Why not?"
James shrugged. "Not in the mood. Maybe another night."
Remus's spirits lifted, albeit barely. At least he wouldn't be messing up his friends' plans anymore.
The rest of the day hurtled toward five o'clock in what seemed like no time at all. Remus tried unsuccessfully to finish his Potions essay, but gave up halfway through in order to embarrassingly lose a game of wizard's chess to a still-irritable Sirius. At quarter to five, he stood up from his spot by the fire. The others looked at him questioningly.
"I…I think I'm going to go see Madam Pomfrey," he said, praying that his excuse would hold. "I'm not feeling too well."
"Yeah, you look a bit green about the gills, mate," said James.
"Want us to come with you?" Sirius asked.
Remus was edging as fast as he could toward the portrait hole. He really didn't want them to think he needed an escort. "No, no, I'll be fine. I'll see you later." He climbed out of the common room without looking back, hoping against hope that they wouldn't follow him.
It took him a solid fifteen minutes to get to the hospital wing, as he had to stop twice to sit down and regain his energy. Madam Pomfrey met him with a tentative smile and the two of them walked across the grounds together in silence, but a few times Remus caught her looking at him out of the corner of her eye with a slightly fearful expression. Though his stomach boiled in humiliation, he was far too focused on moving his feet one after another to dwell on it. With every step, his nervousness of what was to come grew.
And before sliding into the tunnel under the Willow, Remus looked up into the darkening sky, wishing more than anything in the world that for just one night, he could trade places with anyone else and leave Remus Lupin behind.