Bold, Italic text are quotes from the episode Cult Fiction.
"Jon, how could you be in here? How could you screw up on your bike? I have never seen you screw up on anythin.' I'm the screwup, remember? C'mon you remember. Don't do this to me, Jon. I don't do alone real good...I know you're in there but it's like you're not really here.
You're not talkin' but I know you're here. So I'm just gonna talk, you can listen. Jon, even when I was at the Centre, it was all the things you taught me that made me wonder if it was the right place for me or not. But you didn't teach me enough. You, and Cory, and my parents, and the Matthews and the handful of people who really care about me, so don't blow me off, Jon!
Don't blow me off, God! I never asked you for anythin' before and I never wanted to come to you like this, but don't take Turner away from me; he's not done yellin' at me yet. God, you're not talkin' but I know You're here, so I'm gonna talk, and You can listen. God, I don't wanna be empty inside anymore."
-Shawn Hunter, Cult Fiction, season 4 episode 21, Boy Meets World.
It was the 5th of April.
Audrey had not slept more than a few hours. All she could think about was her husband and what might happen to him.
To their children.
She already knew what would happen to her.
It had been years since she had dealt with the all-consuming darkness of depression and anxiety. It had been years since she felt like all control of her life had been ripped out of her hands.
She desperately wanted that control back.
Jon was still asleep. His handsome features were marred by a deep frown. Even in slumber he could not find rest from the problems that plagued him during the day. His complexion, once tan and ruddy, was so pale it was nearly translucent.
And he was so thin.
Audrey reached out a hand and laid it on his cheek gently tracing the lines down his face with her fingers: lines that had not been there eight months before.
She loved the man next to her more than anyone or anything in the world. She was well aware that such deep attachments would only end in heartache for one of them. She knew it was better not to be dependent on any one person. She knew that from watching her father deteriorate after he lost his wife. But still she chose to walk his path. It was too late now to separate herself from Jon.
And she didn't want to.
A darkness like a thick gelatin spread over her as she watched him breathe. It was a sensation she well knew from the days when her eating disorder had been active. She could feel it all over her, rising and falling with each inhale and exhale.
Inhale. Exhale.
Jon's breathing was too shallow for how hard he was sleeping.
Inhale. Exhale.
This was her fault.
She'd been too hard on him. She'd been too consumed with having one more child that she missed the signs of decline she should have seen months ago. And when she did notice, she should have made him take care of himself somehow.
He'd never had migraines prior to two years ago.
That was her fault, too.
She put too much stress on him to be what she selfishly wanted him to be- a principal and nothing more. She should have realized he really wanted to be the superintendent of New York Public Schools. Instead, she forced him to go behind her back to take the position.
She wasn't supportive.
She wanted another baby.
With all the pressure he was under at work, home should have been a sanctuary for him. It made her sick to think that Katherine was right: she was making him miserable at home, adding more onto him until he was at the point he was now.
The stress was killing him she feared.
Although he much preferred Spiderman, he had always been Superman to her. She never saw him as anything less that strong, invincible, able to take on any situation and overcome it.
That wasn't fair to him.
He wasn't perfect, of course. He was as flawed as anyone. Except for her. No one was as flawed as she was.
She was his kryptonite and always had been. Just a terrible cliché in his life.
She could only torment herself with what he might have achieved had he married someone stronger and less needy.
Older.
A terrible, hollow feeling clawed its way up from the depths of her soul- a feeling she'd long suppressed.
Audrey's brow crumpled in pain. Silent tears streamed down her face as she lovingly stroked the hair at his temples that had yet to go gray.
He shouldn't have married her.
In the years since Jon came to New York and convinced her to marry him as soon as possible, Audrey lived with a quiet nagging fear that he married her to hold onto the family he so wanted; the family they had forged with Shawn.
He lost Shawn, for good he feared, so he came back to her.
He said he loved her.
That he was in love with her.
Then maybe.
But now?
How could he be when she'd failed him so badly?
The silent sobs choked her breathing. The pressure of her child pushing against her diaphragm made it impossible to gasp a breath in. She tried to roll over to give her body some relief, but the movement made things worse.
Afraid of waking Jon from the sleep he so desperately needed, she awkwardly dragged herself out of bed. She was too upset to see the edge of the bed and slipped. Her center of gravity, such as it was, pulled her down. She couldn't stop herself and her tailbone caught the full weight of her impact with the floor.
Audrey lay on the blue Berber carpet staring up at the ceiling with no desire to move.
She could see nothing but darkness.
No hope.
She was slipping, she could feel it, slipping back into dark thoughts. Slipping back into old fears and insecurities.
Feelings of worthlessness.
Of being a burden.
Of not being enough.
Once this intense misery had been her best friend and the only friend she ever wanted. It was a comfort to know it was always there.
But not now.
She didn't want that old companion anymore.
All she wanted was Jon.
All she wanted was their old life back.
She couldn't breathe. She couldn't move.
So she closed her eyes and let the darkness consume her.
The morbid thoughts were eager to chatter.
She lay on the floor and let them.
Audrey didn't bother to use any of the techniques she was taught to use during her times in rehab.
Time passed. How much, she wasn't sure.
The pain in her lower body grew and her breathing became more labored. She began to cramp.
Worry about her child consumed her.
She knew she needed to move, but she couldn't.
She couldn't do anything.
"Audrey?"
From somewhere above her, she heard Jon's voice, muddled and foggy, as though he was far away.
"Audrey!?"
A moment later, she felt the heat of her husband's body as he wrapped himself around her and pulled her into a sitting position. Cradling her against him, he kissed her forehead and anxiously stroked her hair. As exhausted as he was, all his attention was on her.
It shouldn't have been.
He should have been taking care of himself.
"What happened?"
"I was going to work out," she tried to say because she didn't want him to worry.
But all that came out of her mouth was a cry of pain and anguish.
It was April 5th.
Somehow, he had missed the end of March.
Shawn exhaled sharply as he stood by the window where the morning light streamed in.
There was only one month left until May. He dreaded seeing May approach. Something bad always happened in May and there seemed to be no way to avoid it.
He turned away from the window to watch his parents who sat on the couch.
Jon said Audrey had fallen out of bed, but Shawn could tell there was much more to it than that. His mother was lying on the couch while his father sat beside her, hovering restlessly. He was constantly touching her face, her hair, the baby bump.
He was excessively worried.
And that increased Shawn's own anxiety.
One more day, he reminded himself. We just have to make it through today.
When Julia and Maya woke up, they were groggy and unpleasant. But as soon as they saw Audrey and Jon, both girls immediately joined Jon in his worry over Audrey.
Julia was particularly upset.
The girls volunteered to make breakfast and get the younger kids ready for the day. Julia saw him on her way to the kitchen and grabbed him in a silent hug. Maya stood nearby, blue eyes ablaze with anxiety. He held his free arm out to her and she ran to embrace him and Julia.
Shawn hugged both girls tightly for a long time before releasing them with a promise that everything would be okay.
They asked him to go with them to the kitchen and he agreed. As he walked by the couch, he saw Jon lean over Audrey and pull her into a deep kiss.
The kiss bothered Shawn.
There was no romance or passion in it.
All Shawn saw was fear and regret.
As it turned out the family was not quite ready for their trip. In the night Bella decided that her diapers and wipes made for good fort building materials. She had pulled them from every conceivable place in her room and bathroom. In addition to building with them, she had also decorated her creation with markers stolen from her brothers' room.
Not much was salvable from her project.
Shawn offered to make a run to the store to pick up replacements. Maya offered to go with him.
"Just let me get my jacket," he told her.
Shawn took the stairs two at a time. Maya followed at his heels.
In his room, his leather jacket was flung haphazardly on his desk chair. Maya darted around him and got to it first.
"Have you had this for a long time?" she asked as she slipped it on.
"Since I was kid, yeah."
Maya hugged the jacket around herself. "Wow, you take really good care of it!"
"Well, it's important. It's been with me through a lot of hard times."
"Where'd you get it from?"
Shawn smiled at the memory. "From Riley's Uncle Eric."
"Really? He just gave you a leather jacket?"
"Sort of," Shawn replied. He stared at the jacket Maya was now wearing.
"Tell me the story!" she exclaimed tugging on his arm.
With a smile, Shawn sighed. Perhaps a story was what they both needed to get their mind off the worry around them.
0o0o0o
Cory and Shawn were in the Matthews' living room prepping for a movie marathon. They'd planned to watch Leprechaun but got busted trying to sneak the movie in by switching VHS covers with Free Willy. Now they were stuck actually watching Free Willy. However, the popcorn, soda, and candy made it so that it didn't really matter what was on screen. They'd be in a sugar coma before the opening credits ended.
Just as the boys were about to push play, Eric and his best friend Jason charged into the living room excitedly talking over each other. They stopped right in front of the tv screen to continue their conversation.
"Could ya move?" Cory cried waving his hands to the side, trying to shoo his brother out of the way.
"Why are you here?" Eric demanded in annoyance.
"I live here," Cory shot back. "You're in our way."
"No, you're in our way and you're gonna have to leave."
Jason, who been staring out of the window by the front door, looked over his shoulder. "What's wrong now?"
"It's just Cory and his friends messing up our plans like usual."
"Friends?" Shawn whispered to Cory as he looked around. He didn't see anyone but himself in the room. He dropped his chin and said secretively. "You didn't invite Angus, did you?"
Angus "Gus" was a "friend" the boys made up in first grade who frequently caused a lot of trouble. Or at least took the blame for the trouble they were at the center of.
"No," Cory whispered back. "Did you?"
Shawn shook his head. "I haven't talked to him since your dad found out he wasn't real."
"Then who are the friends Eric is talkin' about?"
Shawn shrugged in confusion.
"Eric!" Jason cried excitedly. He jumped up and down waving his hand frantically for his friend to join. "She's here!"
"What!? She's early!" Eric jumped in front of his brother in a panic. "Stall her, Jas, while I exterminate the roaches."
"Roaches?!" the boys cried in unison as they jumped on the coffee table.
"Yeah," Eric said grabbing them by their shirt shoulders and pulling them to the floor. "You two bugs. Get out!"
"Where are we supposed to go?" Cory asked, trying to pull out of Eric's grip.
"I don't care. Go visit Feeny."
"We can't," Shawn reminded him. "We've been banned from gettin' within 6 feet of him outside of school."
Eric stopped abruptly looking frustrated. "Then go out the back. If Amanda sees you, I'll tell her we're letting the servants go home early."
"Amanda? A girl?" Shawn exchanged looks with Cory. "Oh, I'm stayin' right here!"
Jason grabbed Eric by the shirt collar as the doorbell rang. "Whatever you're gonna do, do! I'm answering the door."
"No!" Eric released Cory and Shawn to whirl on Jason. "We can't let her in with them still here."
"We can't let her stand out there in the heat!" Jason exclaimed.
"Fine!"
"Fine."
Cory watched the spectacle that was his brother attempting to impress a pretty girl way out of his league. He found it humorous watching Eric think he was playing it so cool and sophisticated with Amanda when he really just looked like a dumb high school sophomore who didn't know what he was doing.
Sometimes Eric was impressive with the way he wooed the girl of the hour.
Sometimes Shawn was far better at it.
Today was Shawn's day.
Eric's fatal flaw to his plan to gain the most popular girl in his class as his girlfriend turned out to be the leather jacket he was wearing.
Amanda did not initially see what he was wearing because Shawn was so quick to chat her up.
"Hey Hunter," Eric walked up to Shawn with a large fake smile plastered on his face. "I have something for you."
Shawn raised an eyebrow. "You do?"
"Yeah," he said. Looking Amanda directly in the eyes with that fake smile, he put an arm around Shawn and steered him toward the large French doors at the side of the living room. Before Shawn could say or do anything, Eric opened the door, shoved him out, and locked the doors.
Annoyed with his friend's treatment, Cory got up to let Shawn back in when Jason walked up behind the couch, put his hands on his shoulders, and pinned him down to his seat.
"Stay," Jason said, patting him on the head.
Cory, not appreciating being treated like a dog, glared at him.
Amanda made her way into the middle of the room clearly unimpressed with her surroundings. Upon seeing this Eric commented, "I apologize for the children hanging around. My parents like to take in unfortunate waifs every weekend and give them a home for a day or two."
Cory started to protest this lie when a hand went over his mouth. He seriously considered licking Jason's hand to make him let go, but his hand smelled like mustard and soap, so he decided not to.
Amanda smiled condescendingly at Cory then turned her attention to Eric. Her cool indifference faded into disgust.
"What are you wearing?"
Eric looked around to see what Jason was wearing because she couldn't be talking to him. He was dressed as trendy as a teenager could dress in an unbuttoned shirt over a polo shirt and light wash Levi's. Plus, he had a bonus of the leather jacket he had gotten last year. You couldn't get much cooler than a black leather jacket. Even in the middle of a Philadelphia summer.
"Are you wearing leather!?" Amanda tossed her hair over her shoulder as she crossed her arms over her waist.
Now he knew she was talking to him.
"Why, yes, I am," he replied proudly.
"Ew, gross!" she exclaimed, thoroughly put out. "How could you?"
Eric had never had such a response to his jacket before. Usually, it was quite the opposite. "Wait, what?"
"Leather? Do you know what a poor cow had to go through for you wear that?" Amanda stamped her foot in disapproval. "I will not date a guy who wears leather!"
"Leather, mine? No! Oh no!" Eric rushed to stop her from leaving. "I'm just…this is not mine!"
Amanda put her hands on her hips. "Whose is it then?"
Out of the corner of his eye he saw Shawn looking forlornly into the house.
"His!" Eric ran to the doors and opened one. "I was just warming it up for this poor unfortunate little guy. He's got a condition that makes him cold all the time. It's his jacket. I would never actually wear leather!"
With great flourish Eric took off the jacket, threw it onto Shawn, and slammed the door again.
Amanda didn't look entirely convinced but after an appropriate amount of teenage groveling, Eric was back in her good graces.
Cory, meanwhile, was still being restrained to the couch until the teens decided to leave to pick up Jason's date.
Eric came home much earlier than he expected. Dejectedly, he headed to the backyard to avoid everyone in his household. He didn't want to tell them that he, Eric Matthews, had been dumped by the most popular girl in school not just for a guy who didn't believe in leather but didn't believe in baths either.
It was a blow to his ego, and he was convinced he would never recover from the humiliation. His only consolation was that it was summer and Amanda would most likely be bumped from the top of the popularity hierarchy by the time school started.
Still the disgrace burned, especially since Jason was still at Chubbie's with the girls. As he let himself sink into his misery, a soccer ball went flying by his feet.
Eric frowned and looked around the treehouse tree to see Shawn in the backyard alone.
Cory was nowhere to be seen. Briefly he wondered if their mom finally realized their room hadn't been cleaned in three weeks. Cory's bed no longer sat firmly on all four legs because he had so much stuff crammed under it.
He saw Shawn run towards the ball he'd kicked, then stop as he caught a glimpse of himself in the window glass.
It was then that Eric noticed he was wearing the leather jacket.
Still in a rotten mood from being dumped, seeing Shawn in his jacket irritated him even more. Just as he was about to step out from behind the tree and demand his clothing back, he heard Shawn talking to himself.
"This is the jacket I always wanted." Shawn checked out his reflection in the windowpane. Eric's jacket was much too big on him but his mother always told him that she purposely bought his clothing large so he'd grow into them and wouldn't need clothes so often. He would have a lot of growing to do before this jacket would fit him. Years. Decades even.
The thought delighted him.
"This," he said running his hands down the leather of the sleeves in admiration, "is the jacket I asked Mom for. I mean, I wanted one with studs, but it looks so much better without them."
Shawn turned around and twisted his head so he could see the back.
"Man, this is so much better than that puke green thing she got me. It got so much worse after it got holes in the sleeves. I don't why she thought stickin' duct tape on it was a good idea!"
He was facing forward again still admiring his reflection.
Eric scratched his head. It was a nice jacket, sure. But it wasn't that great. It wasn't even new. He got it off some guy at the mall and the jacket had seen plenty of wear.
"That thing Mom got me was so big and ugly I couldn't wear it anywhere," Shawn went on. "But this, this I could wear everywhere. I'd never have to take it off."
Shawn turned to the side. He lifted his chin in the air and gave his hair a shake.
"Teachers even laughed at that tarp Mom made me wear to school. No one would laugh at me in this. I don't know another kid who has a leather jacket!"
Admittedly Eric didn't know much about his brother's best friend although Shawn was over often.
"Nothin' good ever happened in that jacket," Shawn went on with another shake of his head. His grin grew as he continued to stare at his reflection. "I bet everythin' good will happen with this one!"
Eric leaned against the tree, trying to remember everything he knew about Shawn. It wasn't much, but he did remember that his home life wasn't great.
He frowned. If he recalled correctly, Shawn never wore a coat during the last winter. either. He wondered if it was because he hated the green coat so much or if it was because it was full of holes.
Absently, Eric kicked the soccer ball back in the direction it came from. His kick was off center and sent the ball into the fence that divided the Matthews' yard from Mr. Feeny's. The noise it made startled Shawn and he jumped. When he saw Eric, a guilty look came over his face. And, to Eric, he looked upset. Maybe even a little embarrassed.
"I've never seen you wear a real jacket, just a bunch of shirts," the older teen remarked, retrieving the soccer ball and bouncing off his foot to his knee and back again.
"Yeah, well," Shawn was clearly fighting embarrassment now. "My coat really doesn't fit anymore."
Eric avoided looking at him as he knew from experience that eye contact made an awkward situation worse. "You outgrow it?"
"Yeah, thank God!" Shawn was visibly relieved. "It was awful and ugly. I was afraid I gonna have to wear it to high school. I got lucky and grew faster than Mom thought I would."
Eric bounced the ball from one knee to the other, trying to keep it off the ground.
"You getting a new one?" Out of the corner of his eye, Eric saw the look of deep humiliation flash over Shawn's face.
"Nah," he shrugged. "I don't really need one. I'm never cold." Becoming uncomfortable with his best friend's brother and the conversation, Shawn unzipped the leather jacket and started to take it off.
Eric continued to play with the soccer ball.
Standing awkwardly in the middle of the Matthews backyard, Shawn held Eric's jacket out to him. His head was tilted downwards to avoid making eye contact.
Eric glanced at him. The jacket was cool, and he really liked it. It was one of the first things he bought with his first paycheck.
And it got him a lot of attention.
In all honesty, that's why he wore it- for the attention. A heavy jacket like leather even when it was cold really wasn't his thing. He was more into the East Coast ski look in winter.
"What?" Eric asked as though he didn't understand why Shawn was holding the clothing out to him.
"I'm givin' your jacket back."
Eric gave the ball a hard bump with his knee then caught it with his hands as it fell back to earth.
"I don't want it."
"You don't?" Shawn's mouth fell open in disbelief.
"Nope."
"Why not?" the younger teen sound almost offended. "It's a great jacket."
Eric shrugged. "I only wear it because girls like it. But apparently leather is out, and denim is in. So I've got no use for it now."
Shawn clearly didn't believe him but slowly he retracted the jacket.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, man." Eric balanced the ball on his hip. "Besides, I never felt right wearing a jacket with the initials J.A. in it when I'm K.M."
Shawn's brow crumpled into confusion. "Huh? K.M.?"
"Yeah," Eric gave him a funny look. "Kyle Matthews."
Shawn's face wrinkled up in confusion. "Who's Kyle?"
Eric gave him a "duh" look. "Me, dummy. Kyle is what I call myself sometimes."
"Okay," Shawn said slowly as he hugged the jacket to his chest. "Thanks…Kyle."
"Hey," Eric poked a finger at him, pretending to be irritated. "It's Eric to you. I'm the only one who calls me Kyle got it?"
"Got it," Shawn agreed as he put the jacket on. "Thanks, Eric."
"Don't mention it." Eric shifted his attitude to disgusted older brother and threw the soccer ball over Shawn's head. He pointed a finger at his brother's friend. "Like seriously never speak of this again. I don't want people to think I acknowledge the existence of seventh grade nothings, okay."
"Okay," Shawn agreed with a small smile.
"Good," Eric sniffed at him. "Now where's Cory?"
0o0o0o0
"That was pretty cool of Eric to give this to you," Maya said admiring the jacket she was wearing. After Shawn's story, she now hoped that somewhere down the line he might hand this one down to her.
"Yeah," Shawn said slowly. A deep frown pinched his features. He stared at what she was wearing with a critical eye.
"J.A.," he murmured.
"Huh?"
"Maya, give me the jacket," he told her holding his hand out.
Disappointed and with great reluctance, Maya did as she was told.
Shawn took the jacket from her and searched the inside of the jacket.
Where had Jon said he put the initials J.A.?
The collar and one of the sleeves came to him instantly.
Shawn looked closely at the collar, but he didn't need to. The initials J.A. were carved into the leather on the inside of the jacket right above the tag.
All these years J.A. had been on his back.
He never once thought about the initials. He didn't think they were important.
The initials in the sleeve were harder to find, but eventually he found them carved on the underside of the cuff.
J.A.
Jay Andrews.
A pseudonym of Jonathan Turner.
Shawn stared at the jacket.
How many times had Jon told him he once had a leather jacket just like his?
He let out the breath he'd been holding.
Even before they met Jon had been with him.
"Shawn?" Maya was at his side looking up at him worriedly. "Are you okay?"
He gave a small nod and hugged the jacket close before putting it on. "Let's get to the store. Mom and Dad are gonna need us today."
Maya nodded, not understanding why he suddenly seemed so attached to his leather jacket. She didn't ask him, though. Instead, she took his hand and followed him out of the door.
After they returned home from the diaper run, Shawn left Maya with Julia and headed to his room. He had another call to make.
Unfortunately, Eric wasn't available.
Disappointed, Shawn left his phone on the desk and went back downstairs to check on his parents.
Audrey was still on the couch. She was asleep on Jon's lap with Bella napping on her, using her future brother or sister as a pillow.
Quietly, he approached the superintendent.
"Hey," he said quietly leaning over the back of the couch. "Is Mom okay?"
Jon sighed wearily. "She says she is. But I'm not sure. I guess we'll see if she can walk when she wakes up."
Shawn frowned. He was concerned about Audrey and the return to Philadelphia. Of the two, his mother was undoubtedly more important. "Do we need to hold off on Philly and get Mom's tailbone checked out?"
"She won't do it," he replied. "I've already mentioned it. She just wants to get to Philly."
"Well, is there anything I can do? Anythin' that needs to be done before tomorrow?"
Jon shook his head. "No, but we do have a problem."
"What's wrong?"
"We've got an extra person but not an extra seat in the SUV."
Shawn had forgotten that the Yukon only held eight people. But it worked out in his favor.
"Is your bike in workin' condition?"
Jon turned his head to get a better look at Shawn. He seemed mildly offended. "Of course, it is. Why?"
"I'd like to take it to Philly with us."
Jon was silent for a long time as a conflicted look passed over his features. Finally, he asked, "You got your license?"
"Got my driver's license at 19 and motorcycle at 25," he answered with a small smile.
"Really?" A nostalgic look came over Jon's face. "I was 25 when I got my bike license."
"I know." There was no coincidence that he got his motorcycle license at that age.
"Yeah, you can take it," Jon told him. With a wistful sigh he added. "Maybe we can go for a ride. It's been at least ten years since I was on it, give or take."
"Sounds good to me. Thanks, Dad."
Jon nodded.
Shawn sat on the back of the couch for a while longer wanting to ask about the leather jacket, but Jon's attention was back on Audrey. He watched as his father lightly ran his fingertips over his mother's face, frequently kissing the tip of her nose and her cheeks.
Without a word Shawn got up and left the room. The jacket was yet another thing that would have to wait until Philadelphia.
In his room, Shawn scoured the burner phone looking for anything suspicious.
Everything was quiet.
Too quiet.
He put the phone back in his leather jacket as his thoughts ran a million miles a minute going over all the information he had accumulated in recent months. But he couldn't focus on any of it.
As he leaned his chair back on two legs, a flashing on his primary phone caught his eye. Still balancing in the chair, he reached out for it and checked the notifications.
There was a voice mail from Eric.
"Hey Shawnie! How are you, man?" Eric was practically shouting into the phone. "Don't worry I haven't forgotten about going to Philly." His voice suddenly dropped so low Shawn had to strain to hear him. "I just have these weird guys following me. They look like the Men in Black! I've got to get rid of them before I come down. I had no idea I'd get stalkers if I ran for office!"
Shawn smiled as he shook his head. He was pretty certain those stalkers were security for senatorial candidates.
"So anyway," Eric went on at a normal volume and sounding chipper. "You asked about the leather jacket I gave you. Uh, yeah, right after I got my first paycheck I went to the mall and there was this guy from New York at Franklin Mills. He had all this cool stuff from a record place in the Village. I don't remember which one, but it was the name of a planet or star or something like that."
Venus? Shawn wondered.
"I think the guy's name was Oliver or some character from a Dicken's novel. Anyway, he had this leather jacket and some hats, T-shirts, and stuff. He didn't really wanna give the jacket up, but he cut me a good deal after I promised to take care of it."
Oliver? As in Oliver Shortman? Shawn was sure that was who sold Eric the jacket.
He let out a breath.
Richie took Jon in. Jon took him in.
Jon got Richie's jacket. He got Jon's.
Shawn knew this wouldn't mean anything to someone on the outside of the family, but for him it was a deep family tie. A connection to the people who meant everything to him.
There wasn't much left for him to do so he sent Eric a quick thank you text then pushed back his chair and headed to the garage to check out the bike.
Audrey felt strangely suspended in warmth when she woke up.
She wasn't expecting to feel warm. She expected to feel cold like she did that morning. But this was a warm, drowsy comfort. Her nose twitched with an itch, and she sleepily blinked.
With a sigh, she snuggled against the comfort that smelled just like Hugo Boss.
She sighed dreamily.
She loved Hugo Boss because it smelled like…
Jon.
A warm breath made her open her eyes. She saw chestnut brown eyes filled with worry staring at her.
Audrey reached out her hand and ran it through his hair. She smiled lazily. He was finally letting it grow out and it was long enough to curl again.
Jon lifted her into a sitting position.
"How are you feelin'?" he asked brushing a loose lock of hair behind her ear.
Audrey sank closer to him and pressed her cheek against his chest. "I'm fine," she murmured.
"Are you really?"
Audrey opened one eye and looked at him.
"My tailbone is tender," she admitted. "But otherwise, I'm okay."
"Are you sure you don't need to see your OB-GYN?"
Audrey paused as she carefully paid attention to every part of her body. As if aware of her concern, her baby gave her a swift kick and pressed itself into her diaphragm.
She winced. "No, I'm sure. I'm not cramping anymore, and my breath is compressed. So normal."
Jon looked uncertain. "I am so sorry about yesterday."
She sighed into his shirt. "You're under a lot of stress. You aren't yourself."
"Yeah, well, that's not an excuse. It's not your fault," Jon sighed. Leaning his cheek against her head, he assured her, "I'm yours for the next two weeks."
Pleased with the promise, she reminded him, "Shawn needs you too."
"Fine," he said with a small smile. "I'm yours and Shawn's for the next two weeks."
Audrey straightened up both to be better able to see him and to give her lungs some space. Jon turned her around so that her back was up against him. He wrapped his arms around her and rested his hands on her stomach. The baby aimed a kick right where his open palm was. Jon ran his thumb over the area where the little foot had been.
Why was he so against this baby?
He could no longer remember.
Shouts of annoyance and squeals of delight drifted down to them from the upstairs bedrooms. Jon knew he should go up and check on the kids, but he was reluctant to move. Audrey nuzzled his cheek with her nose and the scent of peppermint and chocolate filled his senses as her warm breath kissed his nose.
He smiled.
Peppermint bark tea was a seasonal favorite of hers and every Christmas he bought her enough boxes to last all year. Peppermint and chocolate were favorites of his too and it had nothing to do with liking tea or the sweets themselves.
"I am so sorry," he said again, turning her face towards him.
She regarded him through half-closed eyes and gave him a lazy smirk. "How sorry?"
He laughed.
She was fine after all.
Before he could let her know just how sorry he was his phone went off informing them of an incoming call.
Jon groaned and Audrey gave a weary sigh. The superintendent pulled the device out of his pants pocket and checked it.
"It's Yancy," he grimaced.
Audrey rolled her eyes. "Is he still on the Harper Burgess thing?"
"He cannot accept that he was wrong." Jon frowned. "I've got a bad a feelin' about this guy, Aud. Somethin's not right."
"I believe you. Ever since he cornered me at Klein's Supermarket demanding that I use my influence with you to reinstate him, I knew he had a few screws loose."
Jon's frown deepened into a scowl. He'd forgotten about that incident.
The phone continued to shriek, and he was tempted to dismiss the call.
Audrey saw his hesitancy. "Take the call while we have some time," she suggested. "Then tell him you'll be busy with no breaks for the next two weeks."
Jon looked at her curiously. "I will?"
She arched an eyebrow at him. "I'll make sure of it," she promised as she settled back against him while he took the call and put it on speaker.
"Yeah, Stuart, whaddya need?"
"I'm sorry to bother you, Jonathan, but it's imperative that I speak to you as soon as possible."
The superintendent leaned his head against the back of the couch and sighed. "You're speakin' to me now, Yancy."
"In person and alone."
There was something in the assistant principal's voice that Jon didn't care for. The lack of arrogance typical of the man was disconcerting.
"I'm getting' ready for Spring Break with the family. I really don't have time for this."
Yancy was heard taking a deep breath. "I have information on the Remingtons and Penningtons, Jonathan. I'm afraid they aren't good people."
Jon sat up so suddenly he almost pushed Audrey onto the floor.
"What information?"
"I'm afraid to tell you anything over the phone. It's that serious."
Jon looked at his wife and carried on a silent conversation with her. Finally, she mouthed, "Go."
"All right, Yancy. Meet me at my office in half an hour."
"Thank you, Jonathan. You will regret this."
Jon froze at his words. "Excuse me?"
"I said you won't regret this."
"Oh. Right." A feeling of foreboding gripped him as he terminated the call.
Audrey ran her finger through the front of his hair. Gently pulling the curls out of their brushed back position she let them fall across his forehead like they did so long ago.
"Promise me something, Jon."
Jon took the fingers from his hair and kissed them. "Anything," he said sincerely, knowing he owed her more than he could give.
"Whatever information Yancy gives you,take it to Aisha. You have to get away from here. We have to get away from here."
Jon knew the we meant their relationship and their family. Both of which were struggling at the moment.
"I will. I promise."
Audrey kissed him and let him go.
She struggled to get up at first. Her tailbone did hurt but after a while she was able to move around, sore, but otherwise fine. Jon still hovered around her nervously until she shooed him away with a loving swat on the rear.
While Jon went to get ready for his meeting, Audrey checked the bags lined up by the garage door for the hundredth time. When she heard the gun of Jon's Harley starting up, a sudden intense anxiety caused her heart to skip a beat. She opened the door to the garage and saw Shawn prepping the bike for their journey home.
It should have been a thrill to see him on Jon's bike, but it wasn't. She still did not trust it fully and would prefer her loved ones to stay off it.
She waited until he was done checking the engine before she called him.
Shawn got off the bike and walked over to her. "Whatcha need, Mama?"
"Your dad has a meeting with Yancy. I want you to go with him."
"A meetin'?"
Audrey nodded. She reached out to cradle his face with her hand as though checking to make sure he was uninjured from the bike. "Yancy says he has information on the Remingtons and Penningtons."
Shawn frowned. "Oh. That's odd."
"Odd?"
"I just mean they aren't in his buildin'. Seems weird he'd be lookin' into them."
"Yeah," Audrey's voice trailed off. "Shawn, keep an eye one him. He's promised to take whatever information Yancy has and give it to Aisha. Then he's to come home."
"I'll make sure that happens, Mama."
"Thanks, Shawn." She gave his cheek a last loving pat and went back into the house.
Shawn was right. Yancy had no connection to the Remingtons and Penningtons and should not have known anything about them.
He had always regarded Jon as a rival and had never lifted a finger to help him before.
This left Audrey deeply troubled.
Yancy was running late.
Shawn watched Jon pace anxiously around his desk mumbling about what he was going to do about the situation at his schools. At one point, he stopped to open the top drawer of his desk and took out a bottle of Excedrin.
This concerned him. He was pretty sure Jon had already taken the medication before they left the house. There was no way six hours had passed between dosages.
Unconsciously Shawn picked at the skin around his thumbs. Finally, he asked, "You okay?"
Jon looked at him over the edge of the glass he was drinking out of. He sat the glass down and swiveled anxiously in his chair. "I'm worried about being gone for so long, Shawn. There's no tellin' what these people or whoever is behind them could do in the two weeks that we're supposed to be outta town. "
Shawn pursed his lips together. His gaze drifted to Jon's computer. There was a note from Russ stuck on it.
Russ!
The name jarred a memory loose.
"Hey, Dad. Because we are goin' outta town, now would be a good time to have the internet monitorin' system turned on. "
Jon's face lit up. For the first time in a long time, he had a glimmer of hope. "That's a great idea, Shawn!" he exclaimed abandoning his swiveling to reach across his desk for the phone.
In less than a minute, Russ had the system up and running. Jon sank back into his chair feeling as though something useful had finally been done and that he had at least a little security while they were out of town. He just hoped the people they wanted to catch would be foolish enough to use the interoffice system for their correspondences.
"I'm glad you remembered the system, Shawn," Jon said. "That'll help me relax when we get to Philly."
Before Shawn could respond the door to the outer office opened and Yancy walked in looking nervous.
Jon took his feet off the desk and stood up to greet the man.
Yancy looked at Shawn worriedly. "Jonathan, I understand he's your son, but I would feel more comfortable discussing this between the two of us only. "
Shawn gave the superintendent an apprehensive look. Jon nodded for him to leave. Reluctantly, Shawn gathered his things and left.
Something wasn't right.
He didn't have time to dwell on what that was as his phone rang with an incoming request to FaceTime from Topanga.
"Hey," he greeted her. "How's Philly?"
Topanga's smile didn't quite reach her eyes. "Philly's good. I always forget how much I miss it until I come back."
Shawn nodded in agreement. Then he caught the look on her face. "But that's not why you called."
"No," she sighed. A noise off screen caught her attention and she yelled at Auggie not to break Uncle Josh. "Sorry. Look, Shawn, Katherine's been calling and wants to set up a time to get together. I've told her I'm out of town but she's getting pushy."
"Why?" Shawn asked genuinely curious. "You've only been to two Pilates classes. Why is she so attached to you?"
"I'm not sure. But the last time I spoke to her there was a lot going on. A lot of names were being thrown around by the kids. Yours, Cory's, and Jon among them. I'm afraid she might have overheard and suspects something. "
Shawn made a face of disgust. "Any chance you can meet with her and find out?"
'Maybe," she said uncertainly. "I might be able to convince her to meet me halfway between here and New York. "
Shawn caught the indecision in her voice. "You don't want to?"
"I'm uncomfortable with this, Shawn," she admitted. "She's pressuring me for private info on Audrey. She's been hinting for me to get her medical records and email access."
He couldn't even begin to fathom why she'd want that information. "Why would she think you'd have any of that?"
"Either she knows who I am and is trying to catch me or she hopes I'm dumb enough and Audrey's trusting enough to get her what she wants."
"We need to find out what that is."
"I know."
Shawn scratched his chin. "Put her off as long as you can. Or at least until we're all in Philly. We'll figure out what to do then."
"All right." she agreed. "Shawn?"
"Yeah?"
"This is getting serious. Between what's going on in the schools and this thing following us around I'm getting really worried that something bad is going to happen."
Shawn shifted uncomfortably. He'd had the same thoughts and Topanga voicing them only added to his discomfort. "What do you want me to do? I have nothin' to take to the police."
"Tell Jon."
He stared at her as if she'd grown two heads. "No. Absolutely not."
"Shawn, he needs to know. This Boogeyman thing, the texts- they might all be related. He needs to know."
"He can't handle that now!"
"Neither can you!" she huffed. "And frankly, I don't want Cory involved in this anymore. It's too dangerous."
Shawn growled in frustration. He pinched in his face into a scowl and pressed a thumb into his lip.
"You know I'm right. You always make that face when you know I'm right."
"So, what if you are?"
"Tell him. "
His scowl deepened.
"Shawn!" Topanga was growing frustrated and slapped her palms on the table to get his attention. "Tell Jon what's going on so that when you guys get to Philly, we can all sit down together and try to figure this out."
"Do you have any idea how much stress he's under?" he snapped. "How much more stress he'll be under if I tell him about the texts now?"
"I'm not unsympathetic. You know that, Shawn. But he needs to know. The longer you wait to tell him the worse it will be for him. They're his texts, anyway. You shouldn't have them in the first place."
"Oh, here we go," he rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Lawyer Lawrence is gonna lay down the law, huh?"
She glared at him. "Where is Jon now?"
"In a meetin' with Yancy."
"Tell him, Shawn," she said. There was a warning edge in her voice. "Tell him before you two leave the office today. If you don't, I will the moment he walks through my in-law's front door."
"We always come in through the backdoor," he muttered childishly.
"Shawn!"
"Okay, okay!" Roughly he folded his arms over his chest. "I'll talk to him as soon as Yancy leaves."
"Thank you!" Seeing the look on his face, she said more gently, "It's admirable that you want to protect him, Shawn. But the only way you can really do that is to admit when you're in over your head. "
Few things got under his skin more than when Topanga was right.
And she was always right.
He tensed his jaw. "Yeah, okay fine. You're right. I am. Happy?"
"Of course not. I'm not out to prove that I'm right and you're wrong. That's not what this is about." A cry caught her attention. She sighed unhappily. "I have to go. I love you, Shawn, but I'm serious about this. Tell him or I will."
"Understood."
Once the video call was terminated, Shawn stood up and stomped over to Katherine's desk to give the trash can a swift kick of frustration.
It responded by ricocheting back and hitting his hand.
Jon stared at the arrogant man in front of him with his mouth open.
Yancy leaned back in his chair with a self-satisfied grin on his face. He folded his hands behind his head and put a foot on the superintendent's desk.
"You do understand what I'm telling you, don't you, Jonathan?"
Jon tried to swallow but his mouth had gone dry. His tongue couldn't move past the roof of his mouth. He pressed his thumbs against his lips trying to get some moisture into his throat.
"Yes," he replied weakly. "I understand,"
"Good."
Jon looked up at the man in front of him. Beads of perspiration dropped from his temples. He was unable to fully process what Yancy was telling him. His brain actively rejected most of the information.
But he understood enough to know he was in serious trouble. "Why are you doin' this?"
"I think you know why."
The superintendent shook his head in disbelief. "This can't be about John Adams High."
Yancy gave him a nonchalant shrug as he tapped his heel against Jon's desk making dried mud flake off onto it. "You ruined the network I had set up there. Years and years of work you just sauntered in and destroyed. You ruined my career for a very long time."
Jon squinted at him and put his palms out. "Are you kiddin' me? You and Sorrell were runnin' a bribery ring with students and their parents and school board members. You ruined yourself."
Yancy didn't move but anger and hatred flashed in his eyes. "I offered you quite the opportunity for a new teacher, Jonathan. You could have joined us and made a nice bit of pocket change. Or you could have walked away. But oh, no, not you, not Mr. Showbiz, Mr. Popular, you had to go and bring even more attention to yourself by exposing Sorrell and me."
Jon put his hands down. "You're crazy."
"And you have a savior complex." Yancy licked his lips as he took his feet down from the desk and leaned forward. "You always fancied yourself to be a superhero didn't you, Jonathan? Swoop and save the little trailer park boy? The little student teacher with an eating disorder? Aid Mr. Feeny in bolstering John Adams High? And now here you are to save this district."
Jon glared at him.
"Shawn was a failure," he remarked coldly. "But everything else has gone in your favor. The pretty young wife, all those beautiful kids, the expensive home, flashy salary, and the adoration of New York City for turning this sinking district around."
Yancy stood up and glowered at him. "Superheroes aren't real, Jonathan. Superman, Spiderman, your precious X-Men- they aren't real. And the image you've cultivated based on them isn't either. It's about time you understood that."
"Why expose my past, Stuart?" Jon pushed his chair back angrily. "Why? All that stuff happened when I was a minor. My record was expunged."
"Oh, yes, legally you've been absolved," the man snorted. "However, I'd like to see you tried in the court of public opinion."
"Why?"
"So you know what it's like to have everyone talk about you behind your back. To be run out of town. You did it to me. I'm going to do it to you."
The superintendent said nothing. He turned partially away from Yancy and put his hand over his mouth.
"Worried about how the wife will react? Aw," Yancy mockingly clucked his tongue against his teeth. "Do send her to me. I'll be happy to comfort her."
That was a step too far.
Jon spun the chair around and stood up suddenly, slamming his hands on the desk. A blinding pain hit his head as his palms hit the wooden top.
After several seconds, he hissed, "She already knows."
Yancy was not expecting to hear that and deep disappointment clouded his face. He shrugged this off and continued, "Yes, well your adoring public does not. We'll see exactly what you have left when they find out."
The assistant principal pushed the chair out of his way. "Two weeks, Jonathan. I'm giving you all of Spring Break to get your affairs in order. When you wake up on the 13th, your past will be all over the news."
With that Yancy gave him a triumphant smirk and left the office.
For a moment, time stopped. Then Jon fell into his chair, breathing heavily.
This shouldn't be an issue.
The past was the past.
In the eyes of the law that past did not exist.
But it did.
It was alive and well.
And Yancy was right. Once the public found out, his career was over. Though others in his position and higher had done much worse, only those with the image he had fell from grace.
He wouldn't be able to stay in the City, he realized with horror. He'd have to move the family out. They'd lose the brownstone-Audrey's generational home-because he wouldn't be able to find another job with a high enough salary to afford it.
Where would they go?
Philadelphia?
Was that far enough away?
England?
Would the family be able to adjust to that much of a change so soon?
The kids would never look at him the same way again.
They'd hate him for ruining their lives and taking them away from their home.
Yancy was right.
It didn't matter that Audrey knew.
This was going to destroy everything he'd worked so hard for.
It would destroy his family.
Shawn wandered the hallway outside of the central office to kill time while he waited. He was also trying to figure out how to avoid telling Jon what was going on and to avoid Topanga telling him as well.
That was impossible of course. Once Topanga made up her mind to do something, that was it.
And she had made up her mind.
On his sixth trip past the office, one of the doors abruptly swung open. He jumped back in time to just miss getting hit.
Stuart Yancy gave him a scathing look at first, but that look morphed into a haughty smirk when he realized who was in his way.
"It's good to see you, Shawn." Sarcasm dripped from every word.
Suspicious, Shawn took a step back from the man and regarded him critically.
A slimy smile slithered over Yancy's face. "Pity you came home so late," he remarked cryptically.
With a snicker Shawn had not heard outside of movie villains, Yancy sauntered off towards the exit of the District Office.
Shawn watched him go then went to Jon. The moment he entered the outer office, he knew something was very wrong.
It was so cold inside that he thought the air conditioner was turned on until he passed by the thermostat and saw that the unit was off completely.
It would be, of course. It was Sunday. No one was supposed to be in.
So the chill isn't real, he thought, feeling even colder. He pulled his leather jacket closer to him.
As he approached the door the chill increased. His heart began to race for a reason he couldn't explain.
He knocked on the door.
Why, he wasn't sure.
There was no response. An inexplicable fear took hold of him as he turned the handle as quietly as possible and opened the door.
"Dad?"
Jon was sitting in total darkness with his head in hands.
"Dad?" Shawn walked around the desk and placed a hand on his father's shoulder.
The superintendent stirred and turned his head slightly.
The light from the outer office reflected off his cheeks and Shawn realized with surprise that he had been crying.
"Dad?" The last time Shawn saw Jon cry was when they watched his Christmas video for the first time. "What's goin' on?"
Jon let his hands fall away from his face as he sat back. Turning the chair away from Shawn, he finally said, "I need you to get Russ for me."
His father's voice was hoarse, and Shawn could hardly hear him.
"You want me to call?"
He shook his head. "He's not answerin.' He was doin' some work in the basement and must've forgotten his phone."
"What do you want me to tell him?"
Jon stared at the wall. His thoughts were a jumbled mess, and he couldn't remember why he needed the IT Director.
"I don't know. Just get him, please."
There was a brokenness in Jon's voice that scared Shawn. "Dad? You're freakin' me out. Is everything okay? What did Yancy tell you?"
"Nothing." Now there was no emotion in his voice, just a flat, lifeless quality to it. "He had no information."
"Then what did he want?"
"Please get Russ."
"Okay." Shawn slowly backed up towards the door.
What on earth did Yancy say to him?
He didn't like leaving Jon alone under these circumstances, so he rushed to do what he'd been asked.
Theoretically, he knew where the stairs to the basement where, but he'd never actually been there before so he struggled to match the map in his head with the physical layout of the building. As he made his way to a secluded part of the building, he hesitated on which way to turn. As he stepped to make his turn Shawn could have sworn he felt a heavy hand on his shoulder.
Ignited by panic, he whipped around to confront whoever was behind him.
There was no one there.
Shawn didn't understand what was going on. He felt the physical presence of a man's hand on his shoulder.
He knew he did.
There was no one in the hall. The hallway was a line of slick floors and glass walls with locked doors. There was no place for a person to hide so quickly.
Vigilantly, with his pulse racing wildly, he stepped back into the hallway and called out, "Who's there?"
There was no response.
Shawn shook his head in bewilderment then went back to searching for the stairs.
Go back.
He froze.
First, he was feeling things. Now he was hearing them.
He took another step forward. Then another. And another.
It was as if there was some entity in the hallway with him hindering his path. Just as he found the stair well that thing enveloped him and forced him to stop.
Go back. Go back. Go back. NOW!
An image of Jon flashed in front of him filling him with intense dread. In an instant, Shawn knew there was something wrong with him.
As if propelled by a supernatural force, Shawn ran back to the main office without hesitancy or stumbling to find his direction. He barely slowed down when he reached the outer doors. Flinging them open he cried out, "Dad?!"
Not stopping for a response, he slammed into Jon's office door that he didn't remember closing. After a momentary delay, he got the door open.
The sight that greeted him chilled him to the core.
Jon was lying on the floor face down.
He wasn't moving.
Shawn stared at him as a thousand thoughts slammed him at once. His brain rejected every one as it tried to make sense of what he was seeing. Frozen to the spot he could do nothing but watch his father, intently looking for signs of life.
There was no rise and fall of breath that he could see.
No. No. NO. NO! NONONONO!
Shawn dropped to his knees with his hands clutching his hair.
This can't be happening! What do I do?
Terrified, he tried to reach out to Jon, but the superintendent might as well have been a thousand miles way. He just couldn't reach him.
He was too afraid of what he might find.
He was useless.
Jon needed him and he couldn't do anything.
He wanted to run.
Without warning, images of Jon after his motorcycle accident crashed into him and threw him backwards onto the seat of his pants.
He was useless then too. Had it not been for Cory, Topanga, and the Matthews Jon would have been alone. He had been too busy running.
"Shawn!"
A deep voice boomed over him snapping him out of his stupor.
He looked up and saw a bulky figure standing over him. The overhead lighting blacked out the face making it impossible to tell who was in the room with him.
The figure dropped to his knees by Jon and put his fingers to his neck. When it looked up at him Shawn saw his reflection in polarized sunglass lenses.
The boogeyman! He thought in revulsion.
Shawn opened his mouth to yell at the thing to get away from his father. But fear gripped him, and every dark outcome to the situation stood in the room with him snatching his voice away.
"Shawn," the Boogeyman said again. He pushed the sunglasses onto his dusty hat with a planet on it and gave the younger man a stern gaze.
Shawn's mouth fell open as he stared back into the hypnotizing eyes of the Boogeyman.
It was no strange creature that had been stalking his family.
It was the man he had been trying to locate.
It was Angelo Sartori.
"Hey!" Angelo snapped his fingers in front of the younger man's face. "He's breathing, but barely. Call 911."
Shawn heard his words and even acknowledged them, but he couldn't move.
Useless.
He was useless.
"Shawn." The voice was strong and commanding. "Get up and call 911."
The force of his voice like the unseen force in the hall jolted Shawn into action.
What was the number for 911?
His mind was numb, but his fingers worked at least. As he waited for someone to pick up, he watched Angelo put Jon into a recovery position, calling out to him and asking him questions.
Jon didn't respond.
"911 what's your emergency?"
"Uh, my dad," Shawn stared at Jon and Angelo desperately trying to catch the words he needed to bring help to them. "My dad's unresponsive on the floor. I need help."
"Where are you?"
"The District Office of New York Public Schools." Shawn found that having something to focus on helped to ground and focus him. That allowed him to get out the address accurately.
"How old is your dad?"
"Uh," Shawn hesitated as his mind flickered off at the request. "52."
"Is he breathing?"
He watched Angelo title Jon's head back to allow him to breath freely. The man looked up at him and gave him a reassuring nod.
"Yes," he told the dispatcher.
The sight of his father lying like that made it hard for him to breath. In an instant, he was fifteen and desperately wanted his mom.
Mama!
Shawn's heart sank to the basement at the thought of Audrey.
How can I tell her I left Dad alone and wasn't with him when this happened ?
She would never forgive him.
"Are you with me?" the dispatcher asked after he failed to answer her last question. "I need you to stay with me, Shawn. An ambulance is on the way right now."
The world was swiftly fading to black. Little flickering lights darted round his head, impeding his vision.
He couldn't breathe.
"Shawn."
The world grew darker.
"Son, look at me."
Shawn struggled to lift his chin up. It felt like there was a heavy iron weight around his head pulling it down.
"Shawn."
He couldn't move his head, only his eyes.
Angelo stood in front of him, bright eyes burning with apprehension. "I want you to come stay with your dad."
Shawn stared at him. It took several moments for him to understand what was being said. Dumbly, he nodded and followed the man.
Jon was still unconscious and motionless. He dropped to his knees beside him and the world turned upside.
He couldn't move.
A sound to his left caught his attention and he moved his head enough to see Angelo start to leave the room.
"Where are you goin'?" he asked, suddenly coming to life as the adrenaline that had been suspended in his system began to course through him again.
"I'm gonna make sure all the doors are open so the paramedics can get through with no problem."
Angelo disappeared. Shawn had no idea if he would come back.
He was certain he wouldn't.
He turned his attention back to Jon and stared at him. Fearfully, he reached a trembling hand out to his father and placed it gently on his back.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Jon was breathing.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Jon's breath was shallow, but he was breathing.
It took several breaths for Shawn to realize he was not.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Shawn gasped for breath.
Time stood still. It appeared as though everything around them was holding its breath in anticipation. The atmosphere seemed oddly thick yet wet at the same time. It settled over Shawn making him feel like he was floating just beneath the surface of a body of water.
He bowed his head as thoughts drifted in and out of his mind and floated through the room. Dancing before him were all the memories of his time with Jon as a teenager and adult. They intermingled with each other like partners in a square dance until the memories were a solid blur in front of him, indistinguishable from one another.
Just as darkness began to encroach upon him once again, the sound of the
rushing of feet broke through the topsy-turviness around him.
A man and a woman surrounded Jon, pushing him roughly to the side as they began their work.
Shawn panicked as who they were didn't register immediately.
"Don't touch him!" he cried, sounding like little more than a scared child. "You'll hurt him!"
"We're tryin' to save him," a steely-eyed woman barked at him.
Save him?
Shawn staggered back on his hands.
Angelo's thick arm went around him and pulled him up from the floor.
"He's gonna be fine, Shawn. You have to believe that." Angelo's voice was compassionate but firm. "He needs you to believe that."
Shawn nodded numbly.
"He needs you to be strong."
Again, he nodded and put a leather clad arm over his mouth as he watched the medical team work not understanding what they were doing.
"Shawn, you'll have to go with him." Angelo stood in front of him now and forced him to focus on his eyes. "You have to go with him to the hospital. You will be the family contact until Audrey gets there. Do you understand me?"
Shawn stared at him. The addict's laser glare seemed to cut through all the chaos of his thoughts and feelings.
"Jon needs you."
The weight of purpose settled on his shoulders and further quelled the storm within.
Jon needs you.
Dad needs me.
"Right," he exhaled. He lifted his chin and shook his shoulders.
The paramedics loaded Jon onto a stretcher and prepared to take him out to the ambulance. The steely-eyed woman stood and turned to him.
The look of fear on the young man's face made her turn back to her patient. An oxygen mask was being placed on the superintendent. The moment she realized their relationship she gave him a sympathetic smile. "He's breathing on his own. We're just trying to make him more comfortable. What's your dad's name?"
"Jonathan Turner."
She nodded as she made notes on her vinyl gloves. "Your name?"
"Shawn Hunter."
"Shawn, I need to ask you a few questions."
He answered her questions coolly and the turmoil raging within him was not visible on the surface. After the inquiry was done, she told him to follow her.
Angelo put a hand on his shoulder as he reached the office door.
"You focus on Jon. I'll go get Audrey and take her to the hospital."
Shawn nodded but all he could think was that this news would devastate her.
The paramedics would not allow him to ride in the back with Jon.
Shawn sat in the front of the ambulance unable to feel anything but the jostling of the vehicle as it raced through the New York City streets.
Time was lost on him.
The journey to the hospital seemed impossibly long and over in a second at the same time.
Once they arrived at Lenox Health Greenwich Village Emergency Department everything seemed to move into overdrive and Shawn was separated from the superintendent almost immediately.
Shawn watched the triage nurses assess Jon's condition as the doors to the emergency room closed on him. He thought he saw Jon move and say something to one of the nurses, but he couldn't be sure.
He found himself standing on the other side of admittance staring at the closed doors. The dark barrier in front of him that cut him off from his father reminded him of the chaos within him.
The walls turned swirly. Acid in his stomach churned and a hot sweat broke out over his cold body.
He was going to throw up, but he didn't move.
At some point, a soft hand squeezed his shoulder.
Somehow, he managed to find the will to acknowledge the kindness.
A young admittance receptionist smiled at him compassionately. "That's your dad that was just brought in, right?"
"Yeah."
"Come with me. I'll help you get the paperwork in order."
Shawn nodded weakly and followed her.
The admittance area was crowded. Overwhelmingly crowded to Shawn even though Sheila, the receptionist, said that it was slower than normal. She tried to engage him in small talk to distract him, but he had no idea what she said, what he said, or what information he gave her.
Apparently, what he offered was enough or she set it to the side to wait for Audrey to arrive. Shawn did remember saying his mother's name repeatedly.
Shelia directed him to an empty chair and asked him to wait while she checked on Jon's status.
It was an eternity before she returned.
During the time she was gone, people filtered in and out, mostly in. Loved ones paced as they waited for news. Babies cried. Young children grew bored and colored on the floor.
Shawn sat hunched over in his chair gripping fistfuls of hair in each hand as he relived every excruciating detail of Jon's motorcycle accident and Chet's death over and over.
He had never been alone in a situation like this before.
When Jon and Chet were hospitalized, his family had been there: Cory, Topanga, the Matthews, Jack, Angela.
Not one of those people was in the City now.
Shawn's thoughts drifted to Audrey.
Did Angelo really get her? he wondered miserably.
He put his hand on the phone in his jacket pocket.
He should text her.
His thoughts and movements seemed slow. It felt as though the world around him had accelerated but he had slowed to a crawl.
He managed to get his phone out and pull up the messaging app.
Audrey .
Tears clouded his vision as he stared at her name.
Rubbing his eyes to clear them of their fogginess, Shawn sent his text.
But not to Audrey.
He sent it to Cory.
Audrey was on her way, he knew. He was convinced that she knew the moment Jon collapsed.
Cory responded immediately, of course, but Shawn couldn't retain what his message said. As soon as he started to re-read it, Shelia came back.
"You can go back to see him now, Shawn."
This startled him. He glanced at the clock on the wall as he followed her. He wasn't sure when they arrived, but it didn't appear as though more than an hour had passed.
Where is Mom then?
Shelia took him to the doors of the emergency room and sent him off with a nurse who escorted him down a hall that seemed longer than the building. The nurse was trying to be helpful, to distract him from his worries but Shawn felt more lost the further along they went.
The emergency room seemed otherworldly and unfriendly to him.
The floor seemed too shiny and clean.
The EXIT glowed with a sick green light that seemed too bright.
The numbers on the room doors seemed melted and twisted.
Some doors were open, and he could see patients with oxygen tubes in their noses.
He shuddered.
They passed by the nurses' desk where a lot of laughter was heard. Their joy irritated Shawn. He thought hospitals were supposed to be quiet and dignified.
The nurse with him tried to engage him in conversation but since he had no information to offer, Shawn didn't respond to his conversationalist remarks.
He couldn't.
A doctor met him at the door to Jon's room and introduced himself. Shawn couldn't remember the man's name if his life depended on it.
He expected to be informed of Jon's condition but instead he was met with a barrage of questions related to his father's health prior to his collapse.
He did his best to answer the doctor's questions but there was too much he didn't know.
The doctor gave a compassionate look. "Shawn, I don't have any definitive answers for you yet. Hopefully your mother will be able to fill in some of the gaps we have here that will help us with a diagnosis."
His temper flared. Information or not, he should know something about his father's state. "So that's it? You don't know anythin'?"
"Blood and urine tests have been sent to labs. We've done chest X-rays and an ECG. He was alert while we drew blood and he's breathing on his own. His blood pressure is very low, and we do have him on oxygen." The doctor smiled sympathetically. "Do you know if he'd been taking anything for these headaches other than over-the-counter medicines?"
"No, he hasn't." Shawn frowned as he recalled how quickly Jon took Excedrin earlier that morning. "I haven't been keepin' track, but it seems like he started takin' the migraine stuff more often recently."
"With the increase in pain?"
"Yeah."
The doctor frowned and made a note on his tablet.
"You can sit with him, Shawn. He's asleep right now."
"Thanks."
Slowly, Shawn entered the room. The moment he crossed the threshold he was thrown into his past. He was no longer 33, but 16 entering Jon's room after his motorcycle accident.
Only this time he was alone.
His mind darted frantically over the scene in the room. The lights were low and there were cords hanging down near the bed for the nurse's call button and the IV solutions. An electronic machine sat on a cart with strange wires leading from it. Where they went he couldn't tell.
Shawn's eyes drifted up to the ceiling where a privacy curtain hung from a track on the ceiling. A TV was mounted in the corner. His gaze moved again to the window with a crooked mini blind on it. He searched every inch of the room to avoid the one place he did not want to look.
Eventually, he had no choice but to look where he did not want to.
The way Jon laid in the hospital bed was same the way he laid after the motorcycle accident. There were wires stuck to his chest coming up through the neck of his hospital gown. An oxygen cannula aided his breathing. The only the casts and bandages were missing.
Jon was as still and lifeless as he was back then.
As that thought hit him, the oxygen in the room suddenly depleted and Shawn couldn't breathe.
He began to back out of the room.
"Cory, I can't be in here. This is too intense."
"It is for all of us, Shawn," Topanga turned from Jon to look at him. "But this is life. This is what's really happening right now."
"I need Mr. Mack." The sight of Jon was too much to bear. He had to get out of that room, out of this place.
"No, he can't help you with this. Shawn? What is wrong with you?" Topanga cried in frustration.
"I don't know, but I can't look at him like this!"
Cory beat him to the door and prevented him from leaving.
"Cory, c'mon. Let me go!"
"No!"
"Cory, let me go!"
Not only did Cory not let him go, he also pulled him into an unwanted hug.
"Shawn, this is a hug, okay? This is a hug."
"Cory, let me go."
"This is a hug. And this is when you hug someone: when you care about them, and you want them to know that." Cory pulled away from him and pointed a finger at his chest. "Now you cannot leave here. Do you hear me? Turner took care of you. He loves you and you love him. Is that real? Or are Mr. Mack and the Center real?"
Impassioned Cory lifted his finger to Shawn's nose. "You decide. But you cannot go." He glanced at Topanga. "We can go."
As Cory turned towards the door, Topanga, near tears, followed him, leaving Shawn alone with his critically injured teacher.
His back hit the closed door of the hospital room. Shawn, now breathing heavily from the memory surge, stared at the man in bed.
This was real.
As real as it was back then.
And he had the same decision to make.
Only his best friends weren't here to ensure he made the right one.
It was all on him.
"Jon, how could you be in here?"
"Dad, how could you be in here?"
Immediately Shawn stopped himself. He knew how Jon ended up in here. He had run himself into the ground trying to be everything to everyone, especially where the District was concerned.
With trepidation Shawn took a step forward.
Why isn't Mom here yet?
Why did this happen after Cory and Topanga went back to Philadelphia?
Why am I the only one here with Dad ?
Why?
His questions multiplied the closer he got to Jon, but the moment he sat down in the chair next to the bed, the answer to every single one of them came to him:
Another chance.
Eighteen years ago, he cried out for answers as he sat by Jon's bedside, unsure if he would make it through the next few hours. He cried out for Jon to pull through because he needed him, he wasn't done teaching him. But he walked away once he knew his teacher would be all right. He turned his back on him and ran.
Shawn reached out to take Jon's hand like he did that night so many years ago. But this time he held on tightly.
He sat quietly for several minutes as his understanding of the significance of this opportunity sank in. Then he lifted his head and took a deep breath. With his eyes on Jon, he said with a trembling voice:
"Eighteen years ago, I sat at his bedside. I begged You not to take him from me. I told You that he wasn't done yellin' at me. That he wasn't done teachin' me. You let me keep him. You gave him back."
Tears filled Shawn's eyes as all the lost time washed over him again. He took a moment before continuing:
"And I walked away. I turned my back on one of the most important people in my life. And I didn't look back. I was so awful to him and all he did was try to help. You gave me a second a chance and I threw it away. I threw him away."
Gripping Jon's hand tighter he stood up and leaned over the bed.
"You gave me the family I always wanted when I wanted it, but I wouldn't listen. I was awful to everyone who tried to talk to me. I pushed everyone away. I chose to believe someone who always lied to me, always used to me instead of the person who loved me unconditionally and never gave up on me."
Shawn's breath caught as he saw Jon flinch in his sleep. In his movement he gripped Shawn's hand tighter that Shawn was holding his.
Shawn tipped his head back to look up at the ceiling.
"I don't deserve a third chance, but I know that's what You're givin' me. I won't screw it up this time, God! I won't walk away. I'm gonna do things differently and I'm gonna go back and deal with the past. No more runnin'."
Shawn looked back at his father and said with confidence:
"I am not empty anymore. And I'm gonna make sure I never am again."
The End
Of
Book II
Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who has stuck with this. I appreciate you more than you know.
Every comment, favorite, and follow, etc. is much appreciated. Your thoughts are always welcome.
Book III is coming soon.