Shawn confesses Peter Pan was the reason he never tried to find Audrey. Jon figures out Audrey is keeping something from him. Cory refuses to return to New York. And Jon's phone is missing.
AN: The birthday party Shawn and Audrey mention is in Birthday Wishes & Valentine Kisses.
The Home Improvement episode mentioned "Haunting of Taylor House" was one Rider Strong guest starred as Danny. HI was filmed next door to BMW.
"Can I ask you somethin'?"
Shawn stared out the windshield of the Yukon. They were parked in a lot across the street from a small two-story house with dusty blue shutters and accents surrounded by a rickety picket fence that had once been white many years ago. Audrey had rented the lower floor from a sweet, old widow who lived on the upper level.
"Of course," Audrey said. Her attention was fully on him.
"What happened to Mrs. Dupree?"
Audrey looked at the aged fence that was struggling to remain standing. Once upon a time, the little house was in immaculate condition from the yard to the interior. Now it was just another worn down house on a street of worn down houses. Trash and junk cluttered the landscape.
"Not long after Jon and I got married, she had a stroke. She never recovered enough to come back here," Audrey told him. She leaned forward and wiped some light dust off the dash with the sleeve of her coat. "She went into a nursing home after she got out of the hospital then passed away about eight years ago. Jon and I visited her when we could. I think her grandkids got this place and well, you can see it didn't mean as much to them as it did to her."
What a waste, Shawn thought. His mind drifted back to all the good times he spent in that little house with his parents. He couldn't remember one unpleasant incident that happened there.
He sighed.
He felt like he was forgetting something.
"I remember plannin' my birthday here," he said quietly, still staring at the house.
Audrey looked at him and smiled. The two weeks leading up to that party on Valentine's day had been a chaotic comedy of sorts.
"It was the only one I ever had."
Sadness washed over her face, and she reached out to him. "I'm surprised Cory didn't force one on you."
He gave a short laugh and leaned an arm against the steering wheel. "He did ask me what I wanted to do for my sixteenth birthday. I wasn't gettin' my license then, so we wandered the neighborhoods on foot, talking; just the two of us. Ended up at Chubbies. Topanga brought cupcakes. She knew I wouldn't want a birthday cake that wasn't made by you."
Audrey squeezed his hand.
"I just never celebrated birthdays," he went on. "A birthday party was tied to you and Dad. I never had one before you and I didn't want one without you. After we moved to New York, and I started travelin' I made sure to spend the day away from everyone. That's one of the reasons I got my place upstate."
This revelation made Audrey upset. "I hope that will change now that you're home."
"Depends," he said giving her a sly smile. "Can I get seven cakes again?"
Fond memories of that birthday overtook the sadness. With a light laugh she said, "I'll make you eight if you spend your birthday with us."
He agreed and kissed the back of her hand. As he lowered her hand down to his knee, he saw her engagement ring sparkle in sunlight that was peeking through the clouds. Very clearly he could recall the day Jon showed it to him and confessed that he bought it at Christmas and came close to proposing to her then.
It was a simple ring: a princess cut diamond on a thin gold band.
Audrey saw him looking at it and gave him a smile tinged with sadness. She knew he was thinking of that Christmas and how a proposal then would have changed everything. "Jon's tried to get me to give him my ring so he can upgrade the diamond."
"I take it you said no," he said, knowing how sentimental she was over gifts. She still wore the necklace and earrings Jon had given her that Christmas so long ago and he knew from Julia that the bracelet he'd given her was framed and hanging above her vanity table; she didn't wear it anymore for fear she would lose one of its charms.
"I said I'd divorce him if he tried."
He ran his thumb over her wedding band and studied it curiously. The ring was white gold between two narrow bands of yellow gold. The center of the ring was marked with a diamond cut to make it sparkle. "This looks really familiar."
"It's my mom's band."
"Oh, right." A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as the memory locked into place. "You used to wear it on your middle finger on the other hand."
"Mhmmm," she nodded. She tipped her head to the side. "Did you know that Jon wears my dad's ring?"
"Really?" He hadn't paid much attention to Jon's ring other than to check to make it was still on his finger. It made sense, though, that he wore Richie's ring considering how influential the man had been in his life.
"We didn't have money to buy new rings, so Daddy gave Jon his when he gave us his blessing to marry. Wouldn't you know that it fit Jon perfectly."
Shawn covered the rings with his hand and looked back at the house with a sad sigh.
He should have been at their wedding.
No, not weddin', he corrected himself. Marriage ceremony.
Audrey saw the sadness hanging over him grow. "What are you thinking, honey?"
What he wanted to ask her had been bothering him for a very long time, however, considering how he'd pushed Jon away and by extension pushed her away, it didn't make sense that it bothered him as much as it did. Still, he had to ask.
"Why didn't you ever try to contact me?"
Tears immediately clouded her eyes, and she pulled her hand away from him, setting it on top of the other one in her lap.
"I wanted to," she said softly. She shook her head as she tried to gather the right words to explain. "You know, we planned to tell you we were married the moment school was over for the year. Jon had it all planned right down to the reason why you'd be in his classroom when the last bell rang. He was going to bring you to me at the apartment. But the accident… we never accounted for something so bad happening. After that I really thought everything would work out in our favor, Shawn. I never dreamed it would take so long."
Shawn reached for her hand again, but she refused.
"I was barely coping with Jon's condition, but I did ask Cory once when you were coming to see him. He promised he would bring you down and not to worry about it. So I didn't."
Chet's lies about Jon and his nurse came back with a vengeance and a fire of anger flared in him. Had it not been for them, Cory would not have had to convince him to go to the hospital; he would have gone on his own.
Audrey put her hand over her mouth for a moment then said, "When Jon went back to teaching you weren't talking to him at all. If you were still so angry with him, I knew you had to be angrier with me. Cory said you never asked about me, so I assumed you didn't want to hear from me."
"Mama…" he said his voice choked with heartache and he reached for her again.
She took his hand this time and lovingly rubbed her thumb over his knuckles as she continued to explain:
"After Alan and Amy told us Virna took off again, we wanted you back so bad. Jon looked into every way possible to bring you home to us, but nothing came of it. You were living with Jack, and we didn't have much of a case to get you away from Chet, not without your help. Jon ultimately decided taking you from your brother would have been the wrong thing to do and caused more problems between the two of you. He thought if he could repair the relationship first, then maybe…"
Shawn snorted in disgust at his younger self. "Everything he did and was doing while I was bein' a spoiled little punk, it's kinda incredible he didn't give up on me."
"He couldn't, Shawn. He's not capable of it." She glanced at him wondering how much she should tell him.
"What is it?" he asked, catching the look on her face.
She bowed her head for a moment and held on tightly to his hand. "I don't think Jon will tell you this and I'm not saying it to make you feel worse. I don't know…"
Shawn's heart raced as he tried to figure out what she might say. It didn't sound good, and he wasn't sure he wanted to hear it. But he knew for this to work, she and Jon had to be able to tell him honestly what they went through in the years of their estrangement as much as he did. "Tell me, Mama."
She inhaled a deep breath. "Jon was heartbroken when you asked Alan to be your dad."
He closed his eyes in dismay. He had hoped that maybe, just maybe, that had not gotten back to Jon.
"He asked Alan to take his place, you know," she told him. "He asked him to be there for you because he couldn't. He did want Alan to be your dad, it just hurt more than he expected when you actually asked him to be. Jon wasn't prepared for it."
Shawn couldn't hold back the tears anymore. As they began to run down his face into his beard, regret engulfed him, and he held his hands over his face. A small hand closed over the back of his neck and gently rubbed it.
He turned his head slightly but could not look her in the eyes. "There's more that you're not tellin' me isn't there?"
She nodded. "Just things you and Jon need to sort out on your own."
They sat in silence, holding hands, as they thought about the past and watched the cars drive by.
"Shawn," Audrey said after a while. "You asked why I didn't try to contact you."
He gave her a curious look and turned to face her.
"Once you graduated high school, Jon thought telling you in writing might reach you," she said. Her gaze was focused on the house. "It was a long time before Cory found out you never opened his letters. So, we assumed you weren't interested in a relationship at the time. Jon kept writing hoping you'd open one at some point. But we felt it was best to let you initiate contact."
Shawn leaned his head back against the car seat and closed his eyes. A tight pain lodged in his chest and constricted his breathing.
He owed her an explanation.
"Peter Pan," he said once the sensation subsided. He rolled his head to the side and looked at her glumly.
Audrey gave him a perplexed look.
"Right after I left Cory and Topanga for good and started travelin' I ended up at Salt Lake City's Main Library right after it opened. It looks like a shoppin' mall, so I had to check it out. The place is huge, and I had trouble finding my way around. Somehow, I ended up in the kid's section. Then I saw this book spine. It was old, like really old. I was surprised there was such an old book in such a new place."
"What was it?"
"Peter Pan in Kessington Gardens."
Audrey smiled. "I loved that story when I was little."
"I'd never read it before," he said. "Peter Pan and Wendy but not this one. I wish I hadn't read it."
"Why?"
He swallowed hard to hold back the tears. "You know how Peter left home to live in the Gardens with the faeries, but he went back and saw his mother asleep in his bed because she missed him so much? How he went back to say goodbye to his friends in the Gardens because he thought the window would always be open, that his mother would always be waitin'?"
"I remember," she said softly.
"But when he was ready to go home for good, he found the window was closed and there were bars on it. Another boy was in his mother's arms. He'd been replaced."
Tears dripped from the corner of his eyes again as he stared at the ceiling of the vehicle. The words he wanted to say caught in his throat and made him choke. "I didn't wanna go back to you and find the window was closed and barred. I didn't wanna know I'd been replaced. That would have been worse than knowin' you and Dad were with other people."
Audrey couldn't respond right away, so she wiped his tears away. Then she said, "Oh, Shawn. It was just a story, a story that said babies were birds before they were human."
"I know," he said, unable to stop crying. "But seein' one of my greatest fears in print. I just couldn't take the chance it was true."
They sat in silence for a long while. Audrey felt a strange dampness around her neck and was surprised to find that the collar of her shirt was wet with tears. She was unaware she'd been crying with him.
In time he said, "After Chet died, I so badly wanted a place to belong that's why I tried so hard to find my real mom. Cory was there every step of the way of course. And he found her."
This was not at all what she expected to hear after their conversation at the motel. "He did?"
Shawn took the seatbelt off and contorted his body so that he could reach his wallet. He opened it and took a tattered piece of paper from the place the paper bills were kept. He handed it to her.
Audrey studied the familiar handwriting on it then looked up at him quizzically.
0o0o
Cory was waiting for him at the apartment he shared with Jack and Eric when he came back from his last failed attempt to find information on his biological mother. He watched as his best friend paced the living room in frustration.
"Nothin' huh?" he asked quietly, knowing the answer.
"Why can't I find anything?" Shawn stopped pacing long enough that Cory could see the pain in his eyes. Why is this so hard?"
Cory watched his face tighten into a distressed expression. He glanced away unable to watch Shawn's agony over having everything he believed to be true upended once again.
It wasn't fair. Nothing that had happened to him in regard to Virna and Chet was fair. Shawn deserved better than this. He deserved closure. He deserved parents who loved and wanted him.
Just like he had.
Now with Chet and Virna gone for good, he wanted nothing more than to turn his best friend's world upside down one last time and tell him everything he knew about Jon and what had happened since the accident. But he could tell by the way Shawn talked to himself he wasn't in a place to hear him out.
He sighed and took a step toward his friend.
"Why does everythin' turn out this way!?" Shawn shouted at the ceiling. "Why doesn't anyone want me?"
Cory watched him with growing sympathy. "Shawn…"
"No, Cory!" He turned and jabbed a finger at him. "I don't wanna hear it. I don't wanna hear I'm a such a great guy and it's them not me. It is me! It has to be! I'm the only common denominator here!"
Cory pressed his lips together tightly to prevent the "it's not you, it's them" from coming out of his mouth.
It was the truth, but Shawn couldn't handle the truth.
He suppressed a sigh. "Shawn..."
"You can't answer, can you?!"
He was yelling now. Cory waited until he was done then said, "You know my family wants you. Dad offered to adopt you…"
Shawn let out a pained growled. Adoption was a word he never wanted to hear again.
He knew Cory was just trying to help. He took a deep breath to regain control over his emotions then said, "I know. But you know that no matter what, I'll always be second to you and Eric. I don't blame him for that, Cory."
He stuck his hands in his hair and turned away. "I want my own people. My people. Not someone else's."
Cory watched him closely as he reassessed how to reach him.
Volatile emotion cascaded over Shawn's face like a waterfall. He gripped the roots of his hair so tightly Cory was afraid he might pull them out.
"Why doesn't anyone stay?"
Cory inhaled deeply and took another step forward, carefully watching for the right time to show Shawn the information he had. At the same time, he wanted to yell at him: Jon stayed! He stayed and waited for you here as long as he could. And he's still waiting for you if you'd just listen!
Instead, he took another step forward and said in calm voice, "Shawn…"
Shawn looked him directly in the eyes and began to shake his head fervently. "Don't say the names. I do not wanna hear those names."
Cory gritted his teeth in frustration. Sometimes he just wanted to shake Shawn and force him to hear him out.
Unfortunately, Shawn was stronger than he was.
"Do you really wanna find your mother?" Cory caught his gaze and held it. He might not be able to physically force Shawn to listen, but he could put the information directly into his hands.
Shawn looked at him incredulously. "You know I do."
Cory continued to stare at him.
"Cory? Do you know somethin'?"
As he predicted, Shawn's curiosity overtook him, and he inched closer.
"You do know somethin' don't you?"
Cory waited several moments before saying, "Yeah. I know who your mother is."
Shawn stared at him in shock. Excitement slowly warmed his features.
Cory knew what he was about to do might put their relationship on ice. However, he also knew in time Shawn forgive him and revive their friendship.
"Who? Where? How did you find out? Cory, tell me," he begged. Excitement lit his eyes and a child-like hope blazed in them.
Cory didn't tell him. Instead, he reached into his back pocket and took a piece of paper out and handed it to him.
It took Shawn a moment to process what he was seeing. When he did he was amazed. "An address and a phone number? Cory, this is incredible! Are you sure it's her?"
Cory's gaze never wavered. "Yes," he said with conviction. "I'm one hundred percent sure."
Shawn's eyes eagerly scanned the paper then his face fell. "There's no name," he looked up in confusion then back down. "Cor, what's her…?"
His words fell off as he really looked at the paper. He knew the address. It was in Greenwich Village, where he'd stayed for a week in high school. He stared at it until it became a watery blur. Anger and grief swept over him, and he stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him.
Cory didn't try to follow him. He remained standing in the middle of the living room for a long time after his best friend left. He didn't know if Shawn would call Audrey, but it gave him hope to see Shawn very carefully tuck her address and number into the interior pocket of his leather jacket before he left.
Oo0o
"And you've had this in your wallet all these years?"
After letting the memory dissolve in front of his eyes, he nodded. "I couldn't bring myself to let it go."
"You are just like Jon."
There was a pain in her voice that surprised him.
She bowed her head and said, "It's amazing you grew up to be so much like him, even though you were with him for such a short time."
A sense of pride tickled his heart. "You think so?"
"You both keep every scrap associated with each other," she told him with a small smile. "Neither one of you had an easy childhood. You both had to overcome a lot to get where you are today. You're both exceptional men."
The weight of her words hit him hard. Despite all the years he ran, Jon was never too far from his mind. His words, his actions all had such a far-reaching impact that he couldn't outrun his influence. Nor could he outrun the desire to somehow make him proud.
Someday.
Had he managed to accomplish that without realizing it?
It was hard for him to accept such high praise, but no one adored Jon more than Audrey, not even Julia, so if she said he was just like Jon, he must be. She wouldn't say if she didn't believe it.
A feeling overcame Shawn that he couldn't quite describe. The deep heavy feeling that had plagued him for so long suddenly gave way to a lighter sensation. He inhaled suddenly as though he was able to take a breath in for the first time.
Something shifted.
Audrey saw his eyes widen as he leaned his head back against the driver's seat. "What's on your mind?"
He shrugged. "Just tryin' to understand past me. I don't understand why I left like I did. It's like I dumped everything Chet ever did to me onto him and pushed him away. I stayed with the wrong person. I defended the wrong person. Why?"
Audrey shifted her position, so it was less stress on her neck to look at him. "You were a confused, hurt, and angry kid. Chet wasn't much of a father, but he was yours. It's never easy for a kid to walk away from a parent no matter what they've done."
"He lied to me, he manipulated me, he neglected me…"
"He was still your father and you loved him."
Shawn hated to agree with this, but he had to. Illogical as it was, he did love Chet at the time. "Did he really love me?"
Audrey took his hand again. "Probably as much as he was capable of, Shawn. You got caught between two people who had problems bigger than they could handle, and they chose those problems over you."
Shawn saw anger burn in her eyes. "Do you really believe that?"
"Believe it? Yes." She looked out at the birds flying low over the street and landing in the driveway where Jon once parked his Harley when he and Shawn snuck out to see her. "Jon and I have seen so many parents like Chet and Virna, some worse. In their own messed up, twisted way they do love their kids. Doesn't mean they should be allowed to mess up their lives, though."
Shawn watched a mother cat followed by six kittens cross into the yard he once played in.
He would never have the closure he wanted with Chet. Part of that closure was knowing whether he would have kept the promise he made before he died. Had he lived would he have stayed and been the father and man he always should have been? Or would that resolution have lasted only as long as he was in the hospital before reverting to his old ways?
Deep down, Shawn knew the answer.
He could wallow in the fear and uncertainty of unanswered questions, or he could accept his final conversation with the man as all the closure he would ever get and let it go.
For good.
"You kept Jon's letters," Audrey said. Her attention was fully on him again. She ran a hand lovingly down his face. "Do you still have Virna's?"
He shook his head. "After I got her last letter, I took all of them back to the trailer park and burned them in the trash can next to Uncle Mike's trailer. I was so angry that I wanted to tip the trash can, set fire to the whole trailer park and watch it burn."
Audrey gave his hand a squeeze and held on tightly to him. She sensed the restlessness that her question brought and waited for him to continue.
Still watching the cats, he said, "We opened Dad's letters together, but you never asked why I didn't do it before."
"I assumed you were afraid of what they might say."
He nodded. "I was afraid they'd confirm Dad had married the blonde nurse from the accident."
She gave his hand a sympathetic squeeze.
"Why did you keep them with you if you were afraid of what they said?"
"There was this weird comfort in havin' these things with Dad's handwritin' on them, you know?" Shawn paused as tears sprang up again. "Every one Cory gave me was this little reminder that Dad didn't hate me, that he hadn't forgotten me. Keepin' them with me was keepin' a piece of him with me."
Shawn put his hand on top of hers and blinked rapidly to prevent the tears from falling. "Do you know that when I hit the road, I made up a new identity and history for myself when I had to deal with people askin' questions? One where we never split up."
She shook her head. "No, I didn't."
"Any time someone would ask if I'd talked to my dad lately, I always said, 'oh, yeah, just got a letter from him.' When they asked why I didn't talk to him on the phone, I'd say, 'It's our thing, we're old school.' Of course, I left out that I never read his letters or wrote back."
"But you did talk on the phone," she reminded him.
"I guess that's what you'd call it. Mostly it was just Dad tryin' to get to know me and to get me to know him and me hangin' up on him. I really thought he'd stop writin' once we started talkin' on the phone."
"He kept hoping you'd read one of the letters and call to talk about it," Audrey said softly.
"I wish I had, but then…" A new idea came to Shawn that he had to focus fully on for a moment.
"But then what?"
"I wouldn't have Dad's dairy," he said as a small smile kissed his lips.
This perplexed Audrey. "What do you mean?"
Shawn drummed his thumb against the steering wheel. "I read all the letters straight through my first week home. They're basically Dad documenting everything that happened in a month so I would know what's goin' with the family."
She smiled. "I should have realized that's what he was doing. Jon likes to write, you know. Almost as much as you do."
He smiled for a moment then frowned.
"One letter a month every month for seventeen years. Two hundred and four letters." He grimaced and slapped his hand over his face. Swearing under his breath, he muttered, "I couldn't be bothered to open one."
"Shawn…"
"I know," he said holding her hand tighter. "I have to let that go."
"Yes, you do."
He sighed. "Every month Cory or Topanga forwarded his letters to me. They even had premade envelopes with my P.O. Box on them so that nothin' went over Dad's handwritin'. I waited like a kid on Christmas for each one to arrive. Then stuck it in the box and went back to waitin' for the next letter." Pinching his brow together, he shook his head in disgust at his younger self. "I sound crazy."
Audrey laughed softly. She pulled her hand away to run it through his hair. "Not any crazier than the guy who made a bedroom time capsule or went to thrift stores every few months looking for something that a teen of the 90s would love for that room."
Shawn gave a short laugh and bowed his head as he thought about the apartment he kept. When he thought how he had chosen to decorate Jon's old place, he realized that Audrey was right- he was just like Jon.
"Whaddya know?" he breathed in awe.
"What?"
"Mom, I know Dad can't do a lot right now, but do you think he could come with us to my apartment?"
Audrey frowned. "I need to see how he's doing. Not today though."
"No," he said, feeling lighter again. "We don't have to do it today."
"If he's doing okay today and sleeps tonight, we'll see about going tomorrow if you want to go that soon."
Shawn nodded. "There's a lot to go through. I'd like to get started as soon as possible."
"We'll have to start slow," she warned. "One thing at a time. Your past together. But not his, not now."
"That's no problem," he said. Optimism continued to grow as he started the engine. "What you said about Dad keepin' my room like a time capsule: more than anythin' I want you guys and Julia to see the apartment."
Audrey gave him a curious look. "Julia?"
"She was born in Philadelphia, right?"
"Right."
Shawn reversed out of the driveway and headed out to the main street.
"Then she's a part of this too and I need her there."
It was well after lunch when Shawn and Audrey returned to the Matthews' house. The moment Audrey walked into the living room and did not see Jon on the couch nor anyone else, she tensed, looking and listening for any sign of where her husband might be.
Her demeanor was calm, but Shawn could see the reflection of panic in her eyes. Putting a hand on her shoulder, he said, "I'm sure he's fine, Mom."
She turned on him. There was a blank look frozen on her face. Her eyes were wide and unblinking. "Then where is he?"
"Bathroom, Aud."
They heard Jon's voice below them as he was coming up the stairs.
Audrey threw her purse on the couch. "Why is no one with you?"
Jon stared at her for a moment then put his hands on his waist to distract himself from rolling his eyes. "I do not need help with that, thank you."
At the look of worry on her face, he softened. "Cory's been downstairs with me. I came up when I heard you and Shawn come in."
"Where's everyone else?"
"Bella's asleep. Julia and Grayson are over at the Feeny's. Auggie and Jamie are playin' downstairs." Jon closed one eye as he ticked off on his fingers where each member of the family was. "Maya and Bella went with Topanga and Amy to the store. Alan is out back cleanin' the grill. Morgan is… somewhere. Josh, who knows? I doubt he does."
Audrey put one hand on the side of his face and the other on his forehead. "Your memory is good," she said as though it usually wasn't.
Jon laughed softly. "I'm fine, Aud. On the tired side, but otherwise fine." To Shawn, he said with a mischievous smirk. "Really, couldn't you have kept her out longer?"
Shawn returned the grin. "Sorry. She wanted to come back, and I was too afraid to say no."
Audrey tossed him a sassy look over her shoulder. "Smart boy."
Knowing they needed some time alone; Shawn saw himself out. "I'm gonna grab somethin' to eat then head down to see Cory," he said as he headed to the kitchen.
Jon settled down on the arm of the couch and held his hand out to Audrey. When she took his hand, he pulled her close and put his forehead against hers. "Speakin' of eatin', shouldn't you get somethin' too?"
She ran her hands through his hair, locked her fingers behind his neck, and kissed him.
"Don't change the subject," he teasingly scolded her.
She smiled and rubbed her nose against his. "Shawn and I stopped by Kaplan's New Model Bakery."
Jon looked at her through narrowed eyes. "Then why is he in the kitchen?"
A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. "Why are any of our kids in the kitchen immediately after we get home from eating out?"
"Touché," he laughed, pressing a kiss into her hair.
Audrey turned her cheek to his. "How are you really, Jon?"
"I really am tired," he said running his hand through her hair. "Not sleepy tired, just general tired."
"Are you telling me the truth?"
"Cross my heart."
Audrey wrapped her arms around his neck. She pressed her lips against his throat. Jon smiled in amusement- he could tell she was attempting to take his pulse.
"Not sure that's gonna be accurate," he chuckled.
She lightly swatted his chest and rolled her eyes.
"What about you?" he asked kissing her forehead. "Tell me the truth.""
"I'm very tired."
"You didn't sleep last night." He arched an eyebrow at her.
"Very little," she admitted, burying her nose against him.
Jon held her for a moment then gently pushed her away and stood up. Holding onto her hand he led her to the couch where he guided her to sit on his lap. With his feet on the coffee table, he settled into the back of the couch and cradled her against him. Putting his fingertips to her temple, he massaged her head following her hairline. She resisted relaxing but his gentle rubbing right behind her ear nearly put her to sleep. Her head dropped against his shoulder. Jon continued what he was doing until he thought she was asleep.
Her breath lightly tickled his nose. The scent of mint and chocolate made him smile. She had either brought her tea with her and had a cup while she was out, or the aroma was now infused into her skin.
He let his hand fall to her neck and continued to knead down her arm until he reached her hand. Using long, soft strokes over her fingers he massaged each joint tenderly and ran his thumb over each glossy nail. When he finished, he returned his hand to her hair and saw her looking at him intently.
"I love you," she said softly, taking her hand from him and running it down his face.
"I love you, too." He saw a peculiar, haunted look in her eyes. "What's wrong?"
She shook her head slightly and pressed light kisses along his jaw instead of answering. She was guilty of using the same diversionary tactics he did. He let her go on, but the moment she stopped to take a breath, he pulled away and caught her gaze.
"How did things go with Shawn?"
"It went well," she said, taking a deep breath. "I think it's a start to what he needs to let go of the past."
He waited for her to go on. When she didn't elaborate, he prompted, "And?"
The moment she broke eye contact with him, he knew something else had happened.
"Talk to me, Aud."
She rubbed her finger across her bottom lip and shook her head.
Now on edge, Jon sat up, making her sit up as well.
"Audrey, what happened?"
Shawn stood in front of the refrigerator with the door wide open staring at the food inside, unsure of what he was craving when his phone demanded to be answered.
Scrunching his nose, he took the device out of his pocket. He saw the name Hart, and assumed it was Maya.
Katy's voice caught him off guard, which she found humorous and endearing. "Who were you expecting to answer?"
"Your daughter," he told her.
"How is my daughter by the way?"
"Good," Shawn kicked the door shut without getting anything out of the refrigerator. "She seems really happy with my family."
"I know!" she responded giddily, unable to hide her joy at hearing it from him. "She told me. Oh, Shawn, I think she just might love your dad more than you. I just can't believe how perfectly everything has fallen into place for us."
Shawn shifted uncomfortably. As much as he liked Katy, he still felt nowhere near ready to think about a relationship with her. He let her go on about how much she loved that Maya was a part of a functional family unit, catching herself and sheepishly apologizing when she drifted into anti-ex-husband sentiment.
"I did not call to bash Kermit," she sighed. "Sorry about that."
"It's okay. I get it." Absently, he opened one of the cabinets. "What about you? How are you doin'?"
"Good," she said slowly drawing the word out for as long as she could.
Immediately, Shawn was on edge. He let go of the cabinet door and it snapped back against its frame loudly.
"Katy, what's up?"
There was a pause before she answered. "You're in Philly for two weeks, right?"
"You know we are."
"Maya really wants to stay with you all of Spring Break."
"We planned that she was gonna." Shawn began to feel that she was going to hit him with something he was going to hate.
"I know. Um, I just wanted to make sure. You know, with everything going on. Topanga told me about your dad."
"He's fine." Shawn continued to open and close the cabinets, no longer looking for anything specific.
"Good. I'm really glad. Your dad's a sweetheart. I really like him." Katy repeated the same thing for nearly every member of the family.
Something wasn't right.
He paused his tour of the kitchen. "Katy, when are you comin' back?"
"Is your mom, okay?" Confidence faded from her voice, replaced by nervousness. "Isn't the baby due soon?"
Shawn frowned. "Yeah, and she's fine. Katy, what's goin' on?"
There was a long pause. He could hear muffled voices in the background.
"I didn't get the part I wanted," she said quietly.
"I'm sorry to hear that."
And he was, but he could not ignore suspicion that was creeping up his back.
"Are you comin' back then? I'm sure we could find a spot for you here. You could bunk with the girls or somethin'."
"I appreciate that, Shawn, but next week I've got a few more auditions that I have to go."
Shawn pressed his lips into a tight line. "Have to?" When she didn't respond, he pushed on, "What are you doin' this week?"
"I've got a few commercials coming up." There was another long pause. "Well, one actually."
"You've been gone for a while, Katy."
"I know. And I know this sounds like I'm being a bad mom," she said hurriedly to prevent him from saying anything. "But my kid's safe and happy and this might be my last shot to make it, you know?"
To Shawn, this was unacceptable. Memories of all the times, he'd been left by his parents for 'just a few hours' or 'just a couple of days' that turned into weeks came rushing back. "When are you comin' home?"
"Before school starts," she promised.
"When exactly?"
"I'm not sure. The day before or so."
Frustration grew as she refused to give him an exact date and he couldn't keep it out of his voice. "And if you get cast before the day before or so, then what?"
"Hey," she snapped defensively. "Why are you upset?"
"Because a kid needs to know when her parent is comin' home."
"I'll be home before school starts," she ground out.
"Not good enough." Shawn paced around the kitchen island. "Maya's happy, yes. But she's gonna notice you haven't made it back. Last Mom heard you were gonna join us here. I thought you wanted to get to know my family."
"I do!" she cried. "And my daughter knows exactly where I am, what I'm doing, and that she can get a hold of me anytime. She's fine with it."
"That's what she says," he retorted. "Do you really think she's gonna tell you if she's awake in bed at night worryin' if you're ever comin' back?"
"Hey!" she snapped. "I know what you're thinking, Shawn. I am not your father! Don't you put me in the same category as him!"
"Oh, I'm won't, don't worry about that!" Shawn whipped around and stared out of the kitchen window. "My dad, my real dad, never took off on me. Not once!"
"I'm coming back for my kid, Shawn!"
Those old feelings of abandonment rocked him so hard that he had to grab the edge of the sink to steady himself.
"I wanna date, Katy. When are you comin' back?"
"Before school starts."
"Before school starts when? Before school starts in two weeks? Or before school starts this fall? Or next year?"
Katy was silent. When she spoke again, her voice was very low and very clear. "If my kid is such a problem for you to take care of, I'll call my mom and have her get Maya."
"Maya isn't the problem. She'll always have a home here," he snapped. "But us? I won't start a relationship with someone I can't trust to be where she's needs to be when she says she'll be."
He could hear her crying on the other end of the line. Shawn closed his eyes. He didn't mean to be so harsh, but this was one area on which he would not compromise.
"You know what, Shawn, fine." The pain in her voice was clear although her words were less so. "She's not staying with you anyway, is she? She's staying with your parents. I'll talk to them about whether they want her or not."
"Fine," he said shortly. He inhaled deeply several times, trying to calm himself. He should have hung up that point, but he couldn't without saying, "Put your daughter first, Katy. She needs you here. Do the actin' thing after she's grown."
Without a word the line went dead as Katy hung up on him.
Cory was sitting on the couch in the basement living room watching television in the dark when Shawn came down the stairs. He stopped and watched his best friend for a moment. There was a half a bowl of popcorn by his side and a curly headed boy in his arms.
Shawn stepped into the room and stood by the entertainment center.
"Hey."
Cory looked up and smiled. "Hey," he said softly.
Shawn walked over to the couch. Before taking a seat, he moved the popcorn bowl to the coffee table.
"It's been a while since I've seen you and Auggie like this," he commented. "Seems like he's always with Topanga."
Cory nodded. "Yeah. And Riley's almost always with me. We didn't plan it that way, it just sorta happened." He smiled down at his son. "He's been a little clingy after what happened to Jon."
Shawn nodded and looked up at the TV Cory was so focused on. A Halloween episode of Home Improvement played on the screen. Shawn watched as Brad nearly got into a fight with Danny over Jennifer. When he heard a stifled laugh, he looked over and saw Cory struggling not to wake Auggie. His fits of giggles were contagious, and he found himself chuckling along with him.
"Da-dee, go to sleep," Auggie mumbled as he buried his face in Cory's sweater.
"Sorry, Aug," he murmured putting his hand on the boy's head. "Sorry."
Shawn looked back at the television screen. He didn't watch much programming, even back then. It was only when he was at the Matthews or when he lived with Jon that he really had the chance to watch anything. But in the times between, if they had a TV set Chet was parked in front of it and sometimes Virna. Neither would move or allow the channel to be changed. They never watched anything he was interested in.
If they weren't in front of it, then it meant the set was broken.
The Matthews' TV was slim and flat, nothing like the ones he and Cory's grew up with, yet it still sparked a very vibrant memory:
It was a TV, an old heavy monstrosity, that Chet decided to walk out of Jon's apartment with on the day he moved him out of his teacher's place, the one he said Jon didn't need because of his occupation. The one Shawn somehow managed to drag back to the apartment without Jon finding out.
It still bothered Shawn that Chet stole the television after all Jon had done for him. Chet claimed it as though Jon somehow owed him for watching his kid for a year. Yet every expense he incurred Jon paid for. Chet never offered. Even if he had the money, he wouldn't have offered to cover anything.
Long after the television had been returned it bothered him.
For some reason, it still did.
Shawn focused on the screen and frowned. This was an episode of Home Improvement he had not seen before but he could tell Cory had, many times. He sighed and waited until the episode was over before asking, "What is it about this show, Cor? Why do you rewatch this one so much?"
Cory pulled his gaze away from the screen and gave him a happy smile and shrugged. "I dunno. I just do. Feels kinda like a next-door neighbor, ya know? One that moves with you wherever you go."
"So, Mr. Feeny?" he chuckled.
Cory grinned. He stroked Auggie's curls absently then said, "Did you know that Eric came back last year and begged Mr. Feeny to move to the City? And Mr. Feeny pretended like he didn't know him?"
"Seriously?" This conjured up a memory of Eric standing outside of their former teacher's house calling him in a way that only Eric could. "Why would he want him to move to the City? I thought Eric was in Albany because of the senate thing."
Cory shook his head and held one hand out to the side. "It's better not to ask questions, Shawnie. You know that."
Shawn chuckled. Cory returned his attention to the next episode which was preceded by a series of commercials.
He gave his best friend a curious look. "How come you're watchin' this on a regular station? I thought you had this on streamin'."
"I do. But this is from someone's home video collection, and it has all the old commercials. Remember the M&Ms commercial with Steven Weber?" He pointed to the screen.
A wave of nostalgia washed over Shawn as he watched the Wings actor talk to the anthropomorphic candies sitting on a leather couch.
"Is this how you always do your rewatch?"
He nodded. "I downloaded them just in case the network came after the channel and shut it down."
"The whole series?"
"The whole series."
Shawn sat back and let himself enjoy the next thirty minutes of a sitcom he hadn't really watched in nearly two decades.
Cory paused the television when Auggie started to wake up. "Hey, buddy," he said brushing his son's sweat dampened hair from his forehead.
"Hi, Daddy," he said drowsily. Auggie turned his head and blinked sleepily. "Hi, Uncle Shawn."
"Hey, Auggie."
The little boy turned his head back and snuggled against his father holding tightly to his shirt.
"Aug, you ready to get up? I think Jamie and Grayson are upstairs playing a video game."
"No," he said resolutely. "I wanna stay with you."
Cory was relieved and wrapped his arms around him. When he saw Shawn watching him curiously, he explained quietly, "I won't have many more moments like this. Once they're gone, they're gone."
Shawn raised his brow. "So, no more kids for sure?"
Cory nodded. "Topanga hasn't completely abandoned the idea, but I think we are done. Another one would be nice, but I'm happy with what we have."
"And you really are too, aren't you?" It was an unnecessary question; he could see the answer all over his best friend's face.
Cory smiled dreamily. "I am. My family is really all I want. All of us here under one roof. Nothing else matters."
"I feel that way, too, now," Shawn said. He settled down into the cushions. Resting his head on the back of the couch, he stared up at the ceiling. "Although at the rate, I'm goin' I won't be able to contribute to the family's growth."
"What do you mean?"
Shawn took a deep breath and told him about the phone call with Katy.
"I can tell you with absolute certainty that Katy is not Virna," Cory assured him. "But I understand why it bothers you so much."
"You think I should I overlook this for Maya's sake?"
He shook his head. "I think you and Katy need to sit down and figure this out. If you don't like that she takes off for weeks at a time even if she stays in touch and she doesn't want to change, then this could be a dealbreaker."
"I'm not bein' too judgmental?"
"No," Cory said after a moment. "I know why this is such a sore point and I don't think you're wrong. But I do think you might see her differently by the end of Spring Break after you work through stuff like you want to."
Shawn gave a short breath through his nose. "You sound like Dad."
Cory grinned. "Well, I've had your dad in one ear and mine in the other for twenty years. I always end up sounding like one of them. Or Feeny."
Shawn laughed. "You don't sound like Feeny."
"I do," Cory retorted with mock indignation.
"No, you just drive his car."
Auggie perked up at this. "I wish Daddy would get a motorcycle like Uncle Jon's, but Mommy says no."
Shawn could not imagine Cory owning a Harley. The one and only time he rode on the back of Jon's, he nearly had a panic attack.
"And I'm fine with Mommy saying no, too," Cory replied. As if reading Shawn's thoughts, he added, "I about died when I rode with Jon that one time."
"You barely made it out of the parkin' lot."
"Because I almost died!"
Shawn shook his head and laughed, then regarded Cory seriously. He sounded like his old self, but he sensed this was not really the case. He looked back at the television screen where Tim and Al were frozen in the middle of trading insults, then looked at his best friend.
"How are you, Cory?"
Cory watched the still screen and didn't answer. Instead, he ran a finger through his son's hair and regarded it with a look akin to awe. After a while he said, "If my hair had been like his I wouldn't have felt so self-conscious in school."
Shawn did not have to ask what he meant. At a time in their lives where physical appearance was so important, Cory struggled with his self-image much more than he ever did. He remembered standing in the hallway of John Adams High after getting into a fight with Cory and Jon and Eli had to pull them apart. He and his best friend had stood on opposite sides of the hall, Jon with him and Eli with Cory. Shawn used his ability to run his hands through his hair in a way Cory couldn't as a low blow insult. He knew very well how much Cory's hair texture played into his self-esteem issues in a decade when hair like Shawn's was coveted.
Auggie's hair was curly, but those curls were wider and looser than his father's, closer to Jon's and Julia's hair than Cory's. Auggie had no trouble running his hands though his hair or pushing his hair out of his face. He just didn't care about insignificant things like that.
Shawn breathed in a slow breath and then exhaled. He shot Cory a sideways glance. He started to ask if he was okay again, but before he could get the first word out, Cory, without looking at him asked, "How did it go with Audrey?"
Shawn pressed his lips together and debated whether to answer or press him for the answer to his question. His best friend, his brother, looked so serene as he held his son that he didn't want to disturb him after all he'd been through, so he told him everything he and Audrey had talked about.
"Are you really gonna go after Virna?"
He nodded a bit surprised Cory didn't acknowledge that Audrey now knew what was going on. "When everythin' here is done. Yeah, I am. You were right about my real mom, but I wanna know about my bio mom. I want that to be put to rest for good."
"I'll be there."
"I know you will."
Cory picked up the remote that lay between them. Shawn put his hand on top of his to prevent him from turning the TV back on.
"Cory, how are you?"
Cory slowly turned his head. He stared at him with a blank look and said nothing.
"I don't like the idea of Shawn goin' after Virna," Jon said with a scowl.
Audrey absently ran her nails up and down the back of his neck. "I don't either, but if he needs to do it to be at peace, then he needs to do it."
Jon was silent for a moment then said, "I thought he was doin' better with all that since comin' home and it's just the issues between us that need to be worked out."
A distant look clouded his eyes and he put his hand over his mouth. "I thought bein' home might be enough."
Audrey pulled his hand away from his face and made him look at her. "This has nothing to do with you."
"It must," he said. "If I had done things differently, he would have been able to move on a long time ago."
"Don't start that again," she groaned.
Jon's scowl deepened. "It's true. I shoulda forced Shawn to talk to me back then."
"Right, because that wouldn't have made him angry or anything." Audrey caught herself getting frustrated and stopped talking until she could continue calmly. "Jon, he wouldn't listen to Cory, either."
"It's not the same."
She went back to rubbing his neck. "If he got so angry with Cory that he hit him when he tried to force him to listen, how do you think he would have responded to you doing the same thing?"
Jon shook his head refusing to accept the outcome would have been the same. "He wouldn't have hit me."
"Pretty sure Cory thought the same thing," she sighed. "As I recall, it made Cory back off for a long time afterwards."
Jon put his hand back over his mouth.
"I was the adult," he said after a while. "I shoulda tried more than I did."
Audrey growled in frustration. She sat back against him with her arms folded over her chest. "Shawn can't forgive himself for pushing you away and you can't forgive yourself for not forcing him to stay. You two will never be able to move on if you don't forgive yourselves first."
They sat in silence, until Audrey was unable to stand it. She shifted her position so she could take his face in her hands. "I'm sorry," she said. "It's just so frustrating to see you two like this and I can't do anything about it."
Jon leaned forward until his forehead was touching hers. "I don't know how to change I how feel, Aud. I don't know how to get past this."
"I know. I know. I know you and Shawn have to work through it on your own." She locked her fingers behind his neck. "I just wish I could do something to take the stress off you both."
"I know you do."
She ran one hand through his hair and tangled her fingers in the curls. "Shawn wants us to go back to the apartment."
He perked up at this. "My old place?"
She nodded.
"Can I go?"
His eyes lit up with such child-like excitement over getting out of the house that she couldn't help but smile and kiss him. "Yes, you can go."
"When?"
"Depends on how you're doing."
"Tomorrow?"
"We'll see. I need to feel confident you're okay."
He held onto her tightly. Audrey went back to peppering his face in kisses before settling back against him. She took his left hand in hers and began to massage his fingers.
Jon pressed his mouth into her shoulder then sighed.
"What is it?"
"Maya had a little break down this afternoon."
"Over what?"
"Apparently she, Farkle, Julia, and Dre have been recordin' the new hires since they showed up."
Audrey hesitated in both her breathing and massage. "Oh, really?" She played with his wedding ring, sliding it up and down on his finger but said nothing else.
Jon caught the pause and waited for her to go on. It wasn't like her not to ask questions. When she said nothing more, he eyed her suspiciously. "Audrey?"
"Hmm?" She continued playing with his ring as though he'd just told her something ordinary.
She wasn't just his wife; she was his best friend and as such he could read her like a book. He took his hand away from her. "You knew that already, didn't you?"
Her failure to answer immediately was all the confirmation he needed that she did.
"Shawn told you," Jon stated flatly. "Maya said he knew."
She nodded. "Yeah, he just found out."
Her lack of interest in discussing the matter concerned him. However, he knew whatever was behind that lack of interest was causing her to keep her guard up. And he knew how to disarm it.
Running his hand down her arm in lingering strokes he said in a soft, low voice in her ear, "I can use that as evidence once we figure out who's behind the hirin's."
"That's good," she replied. She had his hand again and was turning his ring back and forth on his finger.
"It's better than good," he replied, kissing the crook of her neck. "It's solid evidence that our kid and Cory are tellin' the truth."
"Oh, I know."
Jon watched her closely, wondering if she even knew the "tells" she was giving him. The way she said "I know" told him she knew much more than she was letting on.
"Aud, Virna wasn't all you and Shawn talked about, was it?" He ran a finger around her ear tucking the loose hair behind it.
"We talked about a lot of things," she replied relaxing against him.
"Like?" He turned her head towards him and kissed her cheek.
It was the deep breath she took that told him she was withholding something from him. And that something was much bigger than a hidden occupation.
"Audrey, what did you and Shawn talk about?"
He felt her stiffen again.
She crossed her arms over her chest and rested them on her belly. "It's not something you need to deal with now."
Jon set his jaw at an angle. "This is somethin' about what's been goin' isn't it?"
She pressed her lips together and did not say anything.
Irritation twisted with the concern that rose up in him over being kept in the dark about something that involved his job. "What aren't you tellin' me?"
Finally, she shifted to look at him.
"You don't need to deal with this now," she reiterated firmly.
"If it has to do with the- "
"I need you well, Jon," she cut him off sharply. "I need you and Shawn to be good. You do not need to deal with this now. I know it's nothing that can't wait a week. Nothing that Angelo can't keep an eye on."
Angelo? he thought. This was confirmation of how serious what she knew was.
"Then this is big."
She put her hands over her face for a moment then told him, "You and Shawn need to talk about the past. That and getting well are the most important things right now. You need to tell him about your past. And he can tell you what's been going on."
"So, Shawn knows and didn't tell me?" This bothered Jon more than he could put into words. "Audrey, you can't expect me to wait on somethin' like this."
"It can wait. If I didn't think so I would tell you now," she sighed heavily. "I need you to trust me on this."
Jon pressed his lips into a tight line. It was very rare she ever asked something big of him, yet more and more he was asking big things of her.
He hated not knowing what was going on.
"Okay," he relented. "If you say it can wait."
She let out a breath, but he could see she was still distraught.
He wrapped his arms around her. "I trust you, babe. You know I do."
Audrey nodded, not at all relieved, and pressed her cheek against his.
"Thank you."
With sixteen people in one house, that house suddenly felt ten times smaller than normal. Alan directed the kids outside as much as possible, but in order to keep them out for any length of time, he had to stand guard at the back door which swung open and closed at frequent intervals.
As Amy started fixing dinner with Topanga's help, the kitchen abruptly quieted down. Concerned by the sudden stillness Alan peeked out the door. The scene that greeted him made him chuckle.
Mr. Feeny had somehow managed to wrangle the attention of five out of seven kids and had them sitting by his rose bushes while giving them a history lesson on the cultivation of the flowers that had been planted before the Matthews moved in.
Smiling to himself as he recalled all the times George bamboozled his boys into helping him in the garden or taught them a lesson straight from the potting soil, Alan closed the door and took a seat at the kitchen table in case his help was needed. A few minutes later, the door from the living room opened and Audrey walked in, surprised to see the kitchen in use.
Amy looked up at her, then looked at Alan and motioned for him to get her out.
He stood up and opened his arms as though he was going to hug her. Audrey was a bit surprised by the unusual greeting and even more so when he didn't hug her but swept her out of the kitchen and into the living room.
"Alan," she harrumphed.
"Audrey," he mimicked her annoyance then explained. "I have strict instructions not to allow you in the kitchen."
"Why?"
"You've been out most of the day and word on the street is you didn't sleep much last night."
Audrey's eyes narrowed. "Who told? Jon or Shawn?"
Alan shook his head. "Doesn't matter because it doesn't change anything."
"Why can't I just go into the kitchen?"
"You are not to be cooking every night."
"Alan."
He held his hands up. "I'm sorry, Aud. I don't make the rules. I just follow orders."
Still squinting at him she pushed her bottom lip out in a pout. "What am I supposed to do then?"
Alan looked at her like she was crazy. "I don't know. Sit down. Relax. Crack open a cold one."
Audrey arched an eyebrow at him.
"Oh, right," he said looking at her belly. "I forgot you don't drink ever."
She laughed and shook her head.
"Where's your husband?" he grinned, ushering her over to the sofa.
"Out back learning about roses with the kids."
Alan chuckled. "George is still trying to turn him into a gardener, huh?"
"Looks like it."
"Seriously, though, Aud. Relax, okay? As much as you can anyway."
"Okay, okay," she said shooing him away. "I'll sit and be bored."
"Good," he said as he headed back to the kitchen.
With everyone busy elsewhere, Audrey sat on the couch, unsure of what to do. Watching television wasn't an option as she had trouble sitting still long enough to watch anything. Even so, she turned it on and let it play while she mulled over the day's events.
Jon's missing phone concerned her. That she missed, that his phone was missing concerned her more.
Sports Center droned on, and she stared at it without seeing any of the game highlights that played. Of everything Shawn told her, she couldn't shake the feeling that she needed that phone.
Jon will be fine without it, she told herself. He isn't going anywhere alone. He can have mine since I have the other one anyway.
That wouldn't work, she decided. She would not lie to him about why she had another phone, but she also wasn't ready to explain it to him.
Alan told her to rest, but she couldn't do that without knowing where the phone was. After a moment, she took hers out of her pocket and called Eli.
"Hey, Aud," he greeted her sounding tired. "You guys make it to Philly safe?"
"Yeah, we did, thanks. Are you okay? Sounds like you've had some late nights."
"Yeah," he said with a sigh. "It's always crazy at the station right before people go on break. Jon doing okay?"
"He is." Audrey twisted a lock of hair anxiously around her finger.
"What's up, sis? I can tell by your voice something's not right."
Audrey paused and ran her hair over her lips. "I've had some stuff brought to my attention today, Eli. I don't want to get into it over the phone and I haven't talked to Jon yet."
"Whatcha need me to do?"
"Jon doesn't have his phone. We think it's at the District Office. Any chance you'd have time to swing by and look for it?"
"Sure thing," he replied. "Is there anyone at the DO who can let me in?"
The question surprised Audrey and caused her to pause for a moment. "Is there a reason why Katherine can't let you in?"
"Does she have a key to Jon's office?"
"She shouldn't." Briefly, Katherine's past habit of copying Jon's keys came to mind, but she dismissed it. "We have a spare at the house in Jon's office."
"I can swing by the house then."
Audrey could hear muffled voices in the background. When the voices stopped, he said in a hushed voice, "Do I need a passcode to get into the DO or will there be someone to buzz me in?"
"No," she said slowly. "Eli, why can't Katherine let you in?"
There was a long pause before he said in grim voice, "I don't really want to involve Kat."
"Oh." Audrey wasn't upset by this. She didn't want Katherine involved either, it just struck her as strange since he seemed to be so into Kat the last time, she saw him. "Are you two having problems?"
"She's not having any."
Now Audrey was very curious about what was going on. "Eli?"
"Kat's planning on us coming to Philly." He didn't sound happy about the trip.
"I saw the email she sent Jon."
"Then you know you're not invited."
"I would be shocked if I was." She ran her thumbnail over the arm of the couch, very much wanting to know what had happened to make him suddenly sour on the secretary.
"Aud, I'll get Jon's phone and bring it to you," he said grimly. "Then we need to talk."
Audrey went back to twisting a lock of hair. "You're worrying me."
"Sorry," he said sounding tired again. "I've just been noticing things and need to talk through them with someone. I'd tell Jon but I might be overreacting, and I don't want to worry him without cause."
Eli wasn't the type to overreact, so Audrey somehow doubted that he was. "Okay. When are you coming down?"
"Not sure. I don't exactly have a say in this, I'm just supposed to follow orders. I'll let you know as soon as I'm told."
Whatever hold Katherine had on Eli seemed to be wearing off quickly and she wasn't in the least bit sorry that it was. "All right. You have the new key but not the new security code, right?"
"Right."
"I'll text you the code."
Eli started to agree then stopped himself. "No, Aud. Don't do that."
"Why not?"
"I don't know. I just have this feeling. Tell me what it is, and I'll memorize it."
After giving Eli the code and saying goodbye, Audrey felt far more unsettled than before. She tapped the corner of her phone against her bottom lip. Thinking about phones reminded her about the text messages on the burner phone. She unlocked her phone again and pulled up the messaging app.
Jon called out to her in the middle of her text. Quickly, she sent the message to Angelo telling him to call her as soon as possible.
"Cory?"
"What?"
Shawn turned to face him and put his arm over the back of the couch. "Talk to me."
Cory absently patted Auggie's back. "About what?"
Shawn frowned. He knew the look on Cory's face too well although it had been years since he'd seen it. It was that shut down to reality look; the one said that he was deep in a world he wanted not the one they actually existed in. He saw this the most during the breakup he and Topanga endured before they were married.
But that was nothing compared to this.
"Cory, I'm worried about you."
Cory turned his head slightly and blinked. "Why?" he asked, sounding genuinely puzzled.
Shawn wasn't sure how to answer that. He watched his best friend for a moment then, asked, "How old are we, Cory?"
Cory looked away from him and kissed Auggie's forehead. "I don't wanna talk about this now."
"We need to."
"No."
Shawn sighed.
"Cor, you've been there every step of the way for me. Because you never gave up on Dad and me reconcilin', I'm here now." He reached out and put his hand on Cory's shoulder. "I wanna be there for you too. You're my brother, Cory. Let me help."
His best friend wrapped his arms tighter around his son. Resting his cheek against Auggie's curls, Cory said, "I don't wanna think about it, Shawn. I just want things to be like they were when we all lived here. I don't wanna go back. I'm done teaching. I'm staying here."
Shawn was at a loss. He hung his head for a moment then looked back up. "What about your kids?"
Cory looked conflicted and his brow pinched in a tight frown.
He didn't answer.
Shawn moved over closer to his best friend, then straightened out and put his feet up on the coffee table. "Do you remember when we went over to Dad's apartment and found his plan book?"
Memories of the times Cory wanted to relive made him grin. "We thought we found answers to the pop quiz that was coming up."
"We thought we had some illegal knowledge and instead we got tricked into to studyin'."
"Feeny was so irritated Jon got through to us. He was muttering about it for days afterwards."
Shawn put his arm over the back of the couch again. "You know why don't you?"
Cory gave him a curious look and shook his head.
"Feeny bet Dad twenty bucks he couldn't get us to open a book," he said with a smirk.
Cory's mouth fell open in surprise. "I didn't know that."
Shawn's face mirrored his friend's. He couldn't believe there was something about Jon and Mr. Feeny Cory didn't know. "Seriously?"
He nodded. "Remember dropping the CD in the fish tank that we thought had piranhas in it?"
Shawn nodded then inhaled a deep breath. "Man, that was the beginnin' of the end for those fish. I think they knew it too. They always darted away from me when I walked by after I moved in."
Cory chuckled. "They knew you were gonna forget to feed them."
"I thought Dad was feedin' them," he said in mock defensiveness.
"You guys did not communicate very well in the beginning."
They laughed as they recalled the many trips to Jon's place. Shawn saw the look on Cory's face as they reminisced, and wondered if it was better to leave Cory alone for the time being. Maybe taking a walk through their history would help his best friend realize everything he'd achieved and had left to look forward to.
Then somehow, they'd get the mess in New York cleaned up.
Cory moved onto another memory. "I remember walking into Jon's closet once. It took an embarrassingly long time to figure out where I was."
Shawn grinned. "The lack of lighting wasn't a tip off?"
"Not right away, no."
Auggie's light laughter joined theirs which made them laugh harder.
"Hey," Shawn said once he caught his breath. "I'm takin' Mom and Dad over to the apartment."
Cory perked up at this. "When?"
"Tomorrow, I hope. Maybe the day after. Depends on how Dad's doin'."
"Man, I haven't seen the old place in years. I bet I wouldn't recognize it now."
Shawn gave him a sideways glance and smiled. "You will."
"I will?"
He nodded. "So much happened there, Cory. So much I need to work through." He sighed heavily. "I wanna take Mom and Dad and Julia back first, but then I need you and Topanga to come with us."
"Sure thing." Cory paused, then said seriously, "I'd love to go back. I might find that blue mitten finally."
This perplexed Shawn. "You did find it."
"And lost it again."
"Daddy has one blue mitten in the top of the hall closet that never has a match," Auggie told Shawn. "Is it at Uncle Jon's apartment?"
Shawn shook his head and chuckled. "I don't think so."
"I'm looking forward to going back," Cory said thoughtfully. "I always thought Jon's place was the coolest. You think we can go to Chubbie's afterwards?"
Auggie, who found his dad's laugh comforting, turned his head and grinned at Shawn. Shawn reached out a hand and tousled Auggie's curls.
"Sure, Cory. We can do whatever you want."
After dinner, Morgan and Josh stayed with the kids while the adults headed over to the Feeny's for coffee and dessert.
Audrey was following Jon out the back door when her phone buzzed in her pocket. She took a quick glance at the caller and stopped.
Jon didn't notice that she wasn't by his side as his conversation with Topanga distracted him. Shawn looked back at her, and she gave him a smile and wave, mouthing that she'd be just a minute. He nodded and went on ahead.
"Hey," she said standing on the landing that led upstairs from the kitchen.
"Hey, Aud. Yous guys, okay?" The deep smoker's voice on the other end of the line sounded concerned."
"So far so good," she said quietly.
"I took a look into those texts you sent me," he said. "They ain't comin' from Yancy."
Audrey frowned and untucked the hair behind her ear. "Who are they coming from?"
"Not sure but I'm lookin' into it."
"You're positive it's not Yancy."
"Nah, he wouldn't touch this kind of stuff. And it doesn't make sense he would keep sendin' them now that he's told Jon what his plans are. He wants Jon to sweat over it. As far as I know, he has no plans to contact Jon again."
"Who else would be doin' this then?"
"I dunno, Aud. I have my suspicions but nothin' solid yet."
She sighed worriedly and began to rub her temple. "What do I, Angelo? Do I tell Jon?"
He paused for a moment and Audrey could hear familiar sounds in the background- Angelo was somewhere on Bleeker Street.
"Not yet Aud. I think you and the family are safe where you are. Lemme keep nosin' around."
"Okay," she said in resignation. It wasn't as though she had much choice.
"Aud?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm sendin' word out to your and Jon's old network."
"Our old network?"
"Your dad has friends who would do anythin' for his kids. I'm just gonna tell them to keep an eye and ear open."
Somehow, she had forgotten about all of her father's friends and co-workers who were still in the City.
"If you think that's the best thing to do," she said uncertainly.
"I'll call as soon as I find out anythin'."
After ending the call, Audrey stood at the foot of the stairs for a long time and didn't hear the back door open.
"Audrey?"
She looked up and saw Topanga watching her with concern. "You okay? Jon's asking about you."
"Sorry," she said. Holding her phone up, she gave it a little shake. "Phone call."
"Okay, well, Lila is getting ready to cut her to die-for lava cake. I didn't think you'd want to miss it."
Audrey smiled, walked over to Topanga, and put her arm around her. As they walked out of the door, Topanga gave her an anxious look.
"You sure everything is okay?"
Nothing was okay. Even though she knew Topanga was involved in what Shawn and Cory had been doing, this wasn't the time to bring it up.
"It's been a long day," she replied trying to smile. "Much longer than I realized."
Next: Jon isn't prepared for what he sees at the old apartment. Shawn tells Topanga that Audrey knows. And what Eli finds is as disturbing as what he doesn't.
Many thanks for reading and your comments. I always appreciate that you spend time with me.
P.S. No canon character deaths, I promise. :)