TW: Mention of a miscarriage, lost child talked about, brief mention of throwing up.
Chapter title is from a Springsteen song by the same name and a nod to Mirandabelle's NCIS series.
Audrey is mentioned wearing a necklace Jon gave her at Christmas. This story can be found in Christmas to Last a Lifetime.
For those interested in legal guardianship and if Jon could become Shawn's legal guardian the way the show presented it, I've spent hours researching this topic and the answer is yes.
This article on Find Law dot com explains how it can be done without the involvement of DCFS or foster care.
As for Chet leaving Shawn at the motel near Jon's, laws regarding what age a child could be left alone for an extended time in the 90s varied from state to state (Illinois was the strictest in this regard and there was much debate in the courts across the country over the issue throughout the decade). While the courts figured it out, it wasn't unheard of for fourteen-year-olds to babysit overnight, and a large number of kids who were home alone as latchkey kids was on the rise (NYTimes, October 4,1994).
So Chet could have gotten away with leaving Shawn at the motel for a short time. Because he later left Shawn with the Matthews and then with Jon, this would not be considered abandonment since he left his son with responsible adults whom he (presumably) trusted for a reason (going after Virna and the house). Naming Jon as guardian would further prove he had his son's best interest in mind since he was going to be gone for an extended time.
(The show throws Chet's motives into question multiple times, but in this case, neglect would be difficult to prove. As to why neither the Matthews nor Jon nor Feeny reported Chet for what they saw, based on what I've read, reporting would not be the first course of action here, mostly because of Shawn's age. Teachers became mandated reporters in 1974 but standards for reporting were different than they are today. From what the show presented in seasons 2 and 3 there was nothing that met the criteria to report).
Since Shawn was never in foster care according to canon, there would be fewer legal hoops for Jon to jump through to become his guardian. Jon would not have to be a licensed foster parent to become his guardian for example.
Obviously the show and I take some liberties with the details, but the premise is founded in real-life law.
One liberty I take is regarding the paperwork signing.
In real life, for the guardianship proceedings to begin, Jon would have to sign and submit the paperwork himself. For the purposes of this story, the paperwork being referred to is not the initial paperwork but the final documents. This is explained and delved into further when we get into the flashbacks for the episode, "I Never Sang for My Legal Guardian".
Topanga sat at the desk in Cory's former bedroom watching old Harlem Shake videos with Riley when a heavyweight hit her in the middle of the back and let out a loud groan.
"What on earth…?" She squirmed trying to manipulate herself so she could see the small person on her back. "Auggie, is that you?"
She and Cory had each taken one of the kids to spend some time with them. She and Riley had been home from the mall for almost an hour, but Cory and Auggie weren't due home for another two so while it could have Jamie who collapsed on her, the groan was too Cory-like to be a Turner.
The weight rolled to her left shoulder and gave a whiny whimper. "I can't take it anymore!"
It was definitely Auggie.
"Auggie, why aren't you with Daddy?"
"Because I need a nap!"
She could feel Auggie rub his nose sharply into her spine. Topanga shot Riley a questioning look. Her daughter shrugged and went back to her videos.
Topanga reached around to pull him off her back and onto her lap. "A nap?"
"I loooooooove spending time with Daddy," he said dramatically, resting the back of his head against her. "but it's like he's cramming a bunch of summers into one spring break. I'm tired!"
Cory had not told her what he planned beyond "everything". She really did not think he'd meant it literally. "What have you been doing?"
"I got woke up at 4 am to go fishing! Mom, Grandpa wouldn't go with us, and you know he loves to fish. We sat in a boat for three hours and caught nothing. It was booo-ring!"
He slapped a palm against his forehead, then perked up a bit. "Breakfast was good, but then we went to the Please Touch kids' museum and a Phillies game. We came home for Grandma's lunch and Daddy wanted to eat in the treehouse." He gave Topanga an exasperated look. "Mom, Dad takes up the whole house now. I got stuck in the window trying to breathe! And there was a really mean squirrel up there. Daddy says the treehouse squirrels blame him for the death of their great-great-great-great-great grandparents. What does that even mean?"
"Yeah," Topanga replied wryly as she recalled Cory and Shawn's not-so-miracle soap. "Remind me never to tell you that story."
"Hey, yeah," Riley interjected suddenly interested in the conversation. "How come everyone says that whenever squirrels, goo, or Swamp Thing is mentioned? What did Dad and Uncle Shawn do that you don't want us to copy?"
Topanga ignored her and was about to question Auggie when she was interrupted by Cory's loud shouting from downstairs.
"AUGGIE! C'mon! We don't wanna miss the good guns."
Topanga looked at her son suspiciously. "The good guns?"
"Water guns." Auggie rolled his eyes. "Daddy wants to go to Toys 'r' Us for a Hydro-Sat 3000-Z. I don't even know that is!"
Topanga couldn't help but smile. "It's his childhood."
"Huh?"
She shook her head with a small smile and ran her fingers through his curls.
"Daddy been really clingy lately, Mommy. He's worse than Ava. What's going on?"
At this Riley turned in her seat and shut off the video curious about how her mother would answer this. A few times when Auggie had come to her, she had told him their father was worried about grownup things that had to do with school.
Now it was clear to even the youngest knew it was much more than that.
Topanga glanced at her daughter, as she tried to figure out how to truthfully answer Auggie's question in a way he would understand and not ask more questions she wasn't ready to answer.
"Daddy's under a lot of pressure at work, Auggie," she told him. "There have been a lot of unfair changes at his school."
"You mean the creepy twins who no one can tell a part because they do everything exactly the same and they have the same dead gaze that stares into your soul and takes it?"
He shivered at his own words.
Topanga turned to give Riley a wicked side-eye. "So that's where the nightmares came from?"
Riley looked appropriately ashamed. "I didn't know how else to explain the Penningtons to him."
"We'll talk about that later," Topanga promised. Turning back to her son she went on, "That's a big part of it yes. Also Uncle Jon being hospitalized scared him pretty bad too. He wants to do everything he can with you and Riley because it's so easy to take things for granted."
"What happened to Uncle Jon was scary," Auggie cocked his head to the side and regarded her with wide, worried eyes. "That isn't going to happened to Daddy, is it?"
"No, not if I can help it."
"Good," he said looking relieved. "Nothing bad can happen to Daddy if you're with him."
Topanga gave him a curious smile. "Why do you say that?"
"Because you're the Topanga of Cory and Topanga."
This warmed her heart in a way only her child could. It also made the weight to be that Topanga even heavier.
"HEY AUG, WHERE ARE YOU? ARE WE PLAYING HIDE AND SEEK BEFORE WE GO? AWEOSME!"
Auggie jumped into Topanga's arms at Cory's excited cry. "Mommy, make him better now! He's acting like a little kid. I want my dad back!"
Before Topanga could respond, Cory shouted his countdown. Auggie ran to the bed and buried himself under the covers.
Topanga inhaled a deep breath. "Riley, would you mind going to Toy 'r' Us with Dad? Maybe take Maya with you."
Riley closed out her browser with a shrug. "Yeah, sure. I'll tell him Auggie's taking a nap. Maybe if we take Jamie, too, Dad won't mind Auggie not going so much."
"Good idea."
After Riley left, Topanga sat on the side of the bed by Auggie. She started to suggest they watch a movie together while the others were out when her text message notification went off.
It was Katherine.
I'm on my way to Philadelphia right now. I'll let you know when we can meet.
Topanga raised her brow in surprise.
Right now?
That meant she would be here in a couple of hours while Jon, Audrey, and Shawn were spending the night at the apartment.
This was not what anyone needed.
Auggie was right.
She needed to fix Cory.
Now.
Immediately, Topanga forwarded the message to Audrey before running to catch her husband before he left.
"Don't push me on this, Aud."
Audrey crossed her arms over her stomach and tipped her head to the side as she regarded Jon silently, trying to gauge how much he could handle. She could tell by the way his jaw clenched, and he wouldn't look at her that although he was tired he was in avoidance mode.
She let him stew for a little while longer then asked. "Did you pay any attention to the story you just told?"
Jon turned his head and frowned. "Yeah, of course, I did." There was a defensive edge to his voice. "I told it."
Audrey pursed her lips at the tone that told her more than he realized. She waited a beat then said, "Were you actually listening or just telling the story on autopilot?"
He whipped around to face her, tense and aggravated. "What does that story have to do with now?"
"You and Shawn pushed me to do what I didn't want to do back then, when I needed it." She put her hand on his shoulder and turned him to face her more.
Jon pulled back, hung his head, and clenched his jaw again. "It's different."
"How?" The question was quick and demanding.
He looked up at her and saw the intense look in her eyes that conveyed every word she wouldn't speak in front of the children, even though one was no longer a child.
"It's just…it's… it's not..."
"Yes, it is," she cut off him from saying the situation was different. "I know what that night did to you. I know what it did to me." She dropped her hand to his lower back and gently ran her hand up his spine. With a gentle tease in her voice, she said, "This is payback you know."
He looked at her with an arched brow.
"You pushed and prodded until I finally told you about the bulimia, about what happened at Julliard. I didn't want to face it. I wasn't ready. You pushed anyway. And it was what I needed when I needed it. I needed someone to care enough to step in." She slipped her arm through his and tugged gently. "Payback."
The corner of his mouth flicked upward then fell again. "Okay, you're right."
"I know I am."
He shook his head. "You keepin' score on stuff like this or somethin'?"
"Oh yes," she replied with a self-satisfied grin as she examined her nails. "Switched from the notebooks to an SD card years ago."
"Notebooks, plural?"
"Mhmmm."
"Stuff you're gonna pay me back for from twenty years ago? I'm scared." He crossed his arms over his chest as he took a step away from her as though he was actually afraid.
Audrey lifted her chin and smirked. "You should be." Her expression turned serious. "But first things first. We deal with the rest this and get to and through that night."
Jon put a hand over his mouth before nodding his acceptance of what had to be done.
Julia slid down into the seat where Jon had been sitting before he stormed out.
She wasn't worried about what was going on in the kitchen, however. She was worried about what was going on in the living room. Or what would be going on once Shawn found out about the family secret.
Anxiously, she watched Shawn as she chewed on her bottom lip.
It wasn't a true secret really. It was just not something anyone outside of the family needed to know.
Shawn was the only family member who didn't know other than Bella who was too young to understand.
She bit down her lip until it bled as she thought about the story that had just been told.
Somehow Shawn knew.
Maybe he was told, and no one told her about it. Or through some freaky means, he just knew what was supposed to happen.
She was dying to know which it was.
Unable to take him staring at her or keep her question bottled up she blurted out, ""Shawn?"
The strangled way she said his name sent a jolt of worry up his spine. "Yeah?"
"Why was it so important for you to have a name picked out and to look at all those rides?" The words tumbled out fast, one on top of the other. It was not the question she cared about, but she also just couldn't outright ask him either.
Shawn sighed and joined her on the couch. "I dunno. I just had this weird feeling we had to get it done. I guess I always knew something was going to happen. I knew from experience nothing good would last for me."
He rubbed his eyes, discouraged by how true that statement had been throughout his life. "I knew Mom and Dad would go on without me. I just wanted us to agree on the name so maybe I could play a little part in the rest of their lives. If I picked out the name for their first kid maybe they wouldn't forget me. I didn't think about it in those terms then, but now, that's what I think it was."
"Mom said I don't have the name you picked. Neither does Bella."
He smiled ruefully. "No, neither of you do."
Julia picked at the skin around her thumbnail in the same way Shawn did when he was rattled by anxiety and emotions he couldn't understand or didn't want to deal with, though not as violently.
He put his hand over hers to stop her.
She stiffened at his touch.
Julia swallowed back a sob that was welling up. She watched him out of the corner of her eye wondering if he knew the truth about her or if that was one of those things that had to be dealt with in chronological order.
I don't have the name he picked out. He has to know.
She wasn't sure she could make it that long for him to give his judgment on the fact that she was a fraud.
These memories they had been reliving drove home how important that first baby sister was to Shawn. The one he wanted to name. How much it meant to him that she was that baby sister.
With her heart hammering in her ears, she swallowed back as much fear as she could. "Is that feeling how you knew?"
Shawn looked up from the torn skin of her thumb. "Knew what?"
"That Mom would be pregnant the next summer and it'd be a girl," she squeaked out in a voice thinned by anxiety.
Shawn paused for a moment. He knew something about the name was bothering her, but he couldn't figure out what it was.
"Well, I didn't really. Dad made it clear he wanted to get married as soon as possible and I wanted a sister right away, so I just figured…" His voice trailed off as he replayed her words in his head.
Mom would be pregnant the next summer…
The meaning of this hit him with slow-spreading horror as he recalled what Jon told him in the hospital:
"Wait," Shawn said, trying to do the math. "Julia wasn't born in '97. She couldn't have been."
"No," Jon said as a pained look washed over his face. "She was born in '99."
"Oh, so she's not the oldest? I thought…" He let his words trail off as he realized what must have happened. "Oh, Dad, I am so sorry."
Wanting to make sure he wasn't misunderstanding, he asked, "Julia, what do you mean Mom would be pregnant the next summer?"
Julia was hoping he knew. She didn't want to be the one to deliver the news. "Didn't they tell you?"
Shawn was surprised now. For some reason, he didn't think that was something she would have been told. He blinked trying to process that not only was Audrey pregnant at the exact time he had wanted her to be, but the lost baby was a…
"A girl?"
"Yes."
Julia and Shawn both jumped at Jon's voice.
A strange feeling settled over Shawn. His heart felt like it detached from his body and sat next to him on the couch.
Every single thing he wanted so badly then was lost.
Everything.
Julia wasn't the baby sister he dreamed of being delivered a few years later than he planned.
She was another second chance.
Shawn gaped at Jon for a long moment before noticing Audrey next to him looking as though she was having trouble standing. He'd never seen her look so pale.
"Oh," was all he could say.
Jon cleared his throat and tightened his grip on Audrey. "We don't really know, but we think so. We didn't ask for gender testin' to be done. I had only just gotten out of ICU when it happened, so Eli was the one who walked Aud through all that. He didn't know you could do that kind of thing."
"She was a girl," Audrey insisted.
Shawn felt as though his heart scooted down the couch getting further away from him.
Jon squeezed her hand gently and she sank into him. He guided her to sit down and perched on the arm of the couch, not letting go of her.
"Doc referred to the baby as a 'she' although that mighta been a slip of the tongue," Jon explained.
"She was a girl," Audrey growled through gritted teeth.
"I know, babe," he reassured her, smoothing the hair at the crown of her head that was pushed out of place when she sat down. "I'm just sayin' from a medical professional's point of view; it was a slip."
Audrey looked angry and devastated at the same time.
"But yeah we believe the baby was a girl," he went on. His voice was steady and strong as though he was teaching a lesson, but Shawn and Julia could see the emotion brimming in his eyes.
"You know Amy knitted a blanket for her," he said with a small laugh. "You've seen it. It's currently in Bella's bed. The yellow and green one. Every kid has been brought home wrapped in that blanket since we brought Julia home."
Jon fell silent, resting his chin on top of Audrey's head.
Shawn didn't know what to say.
He was stunned.
When Jon first mentioned the loss at the hospital there had been too much going on to focus on it, but now a deep grief washed over him as understanding sank in.
It had been a long time since he'd known a sadness so deep over a death. And never over someone he didn't know.
Shawn looked up to see Jon comforting Audrey who looked as though the loss just occurred.
I don't know how they made it after everything that happened, he thought as he stared at the people who had always loved him as their own.
But they did and he did get that sister.
Another promise kept.
Deep gratitude for another chance to have the sister he wanted so desperately washed over him. Shawn turned to hug Julia but the space next to him was empty and cold.
He looked at Jon and Audrey worriedly. Jon jerked his thumb upwards, gesturing to the roof. He jumped up to take off to the top of the building again, but his father caught him.
"Hang on, Shawn, we need to tell you a couple of things."
Julia sat on the concrete surrounding the mechanical penthouse.
The concrete was hot but not as hot as the tar roof and the position of the sun cast a shadow over the area around the building's roof she sat under.
Tears pooled her in eyes. No matter how angrily she wiped at them they wouldn't go away. The more the urge to cry shook her, the angrier she got.
She was almost sixteen, she should be past crying especially over things as stupid as being the first girl of the family.
It never mattered before, and it shouldn't matter now.
But it did matter.
In the beginning, she resented Shawn showing up, especially since the family was expanding, and she was being pushed out of the importance of her parent's time and focus. She resented him for the misery he'd subjected their father to and the unfair burden it placed on them all as no child could fill the hole Shawn left in his life.
But since they teamed up to go to war against Katherine, Julia came to adore Shawn, to look up to him, to want to be like him.
She reveled in being the sister he always wanted; the one he dreamed about.
It made her special. Important. It separated her from her siblings.
But it wasn't true.
She wasn't the first.
She was no more special than Bella who was blissfully unaware of everything.
She was just another kid.
She wasn't special.
A deep pain welled up and broke over her. She hugged her knees to her chest and hid her face against her arms as she gave into the tears.
Soon after, Julia felt something heavy drop next to her, and a weight settled over her hunched form.
It was Shawn and it was his arm across her back.
She looked up abruptly with a scowl, embarrassed to be caught crying.
"What's up, sis?"
At "sis" she tried to shrug him off, but he wouldn't budge. She knew better than to say "nothing" as the tears still streaming down her face betrayed her. So she glared at the roof's edge choosing to be sullen and moody instead.
Shawn watched her while waiting for the tears to dry before saying, "I expected it to be hard for Mom and Dad to talk about losin' a baby. I'm surprised you took it so hard."
She shrugged. "It sucks."
"Yeah," he said slowly. "But you weren't there."
Involuntarily she hunched her shoulders and pulled away from him.
"C'mon, Jules, what's this about?"
She sighed and went limp too tired to fight him. "You know," she said in defeat.
He frowned. "I know what?"
"You know I'm not the sister you dreamed about," she snapped angrily. Jumping to her feet, she turned on him. "Okay. I'm a fake. I'm Bella."
Shawn stared at her. "What are you talkin' about?"
Her upper lip curled back slightly, and he swore she growled at him.
"I'm not any more special than Bella. I'm not the first girl, I'm the second. And I'm not the second child, I'm the third."
Her vitriol shocked him but at the same time sounded so familiar. How many times had he exploded on Cory as a teen, yelling things that only made sense to him?
With that in mind, he said, "Hey, I'm lost. Why is it a big deal that I know about the baby before you?"
She gave a snort of disgust. "Are you stupid?"
They stared at each other with mouths slightly agape as both were shocked by the words that came out of her mouth.
Shawn supposed the adult thing to do was to call her out on the disrespectfulness, but he recognized the rudeness was coming from a place of hurt and fear. He was very familiar with that type of lashing out. He was pretty sure he'd all said those exact words to Cory many times.
"Apparently," he answered with a shrug. "I really don't understand what's botherin' you."
She rolled her eyes in exasperation. "I'm not the first sister. How much clearer can I be? I'm not the one you wanted. That sister isn't here!"
On one hand, he was deeply touched that being that sister meant so much to her. On the other hand, it concerned him she thought his feelings towards her were so tied to his childhood dream that he would cast her aside due to sheer luck of birth order.
Julia stood in front of him with her shoulder slumped forward. As she stared at the ground her curls fell around her in the same Audrey's hair did when she wanted to hide.
He sighed as he reached out to push those curls out of her face.
"Hey."
She didn't respond.
He retracted his hand to give her space. "You're wrong you know," he said quietly.
Her head jerked up and she glared at him. "Am not."
"Are too."
The glare softened, but the scowl remained.
"We don't know the baby was a girl."
"Mom did. She's been right with every kid so far."
He shook his head. "She didn't know you were a girl."
Julia gave him a funny look, half offended that he would dare to say their mother was wrong and half curious as to why he thought that.
"Mom told me," he said. "Before I came up to get you, she told me she thought you were going to be a boy."
Julia frowned and shrugged. "So?"
"So she wasn't right about you, and she might not have been right the first time. We just can't know."
Julia found this hard to accept. The first child was only spoken about on a certain day in February and was always referred to as "she" and "her". With or without gender testing, there was a fifty-fifty chance the one before her was a girl.
Shawn stepped forward and got nose-to-nose with her. With his hands on her shoulders he looked her in the eyes and said firmly, "Jules, you are the sister I dreamed about. Nothing changes just because there might have been one before you."
"I saw the look on your face. You were devastated."
"Yeah, but not for the reason you think." He paused to collect his thoughts then said honestly, "All my life I've lost the people I love the most. Over and over again. Dad, Mom, Angela, Jack, even Cory and Topanga for a while. And it was all my own doin' too. But for some reason when it comes to this family, I keep gettin' second chances. If that baby was a girl I could have lost my sister forever. Mom and Dad could have had all boys. But they didn't. They had you and I still got the baby sister I wanted so bad as a kid."
He stepped back and offered her his hand.
Julia stared at his outstretched palm which looked blurry and watery as she considered the possibility.
After a moment she took it.
A second chance seemed like a consolation prize to her but if Shawn didn't see it that way…
"It's nice to be that special," she said weepily as she allowed herself to be pulled into a hug. "Sometimes you get lost when there are so many kids in a family."
"So I've heard. And you are special, Jules," he reassured her. "Very special. Way better than the sister I dreamed up."
She smiled into his shirt. "And you're better than the SHL/KHL brother I made up."
He laughed into her curls and squeezed her tightly. "I love you, Jules. You are not Bella, that's for sure."
Julia finally managed a real smile. "Yeah, it's been a while since I destroyed a whole pack of diapers."
He kissed the top of her head and released her. "You good?"
She wiped away the last of the tears and nodded. "I'm good."
Shawn hugged her close as they made their way back to the apartment.
"I'm sorry about that, Aud," Jon said as he walked out of the kitchen with a steaming cup of chocolate and peppermint tea in hand. "I never dreamed Julia would bring that up now. Are you sure you're okay?"
She nodded. She still looked pale though not as green as before. "We remember her every year and I'm fine, but I also have time to prepare. I just wasn't ready is all."
"Neither was I."
Audrey took the teacup, stared at it, then set it on the coffee table, before curling up against Jon when he sat down.
The tea grew cold as they huddled together waiting for their children to return. Jon rested his chin on Audrey's head and absently stroked the soft skin on the back of her hand. Thoughts drifted through his head, but he wasn't focused on any of them. He let them pass as he tried to offer the comfort he had been unable to give her in the past.
He sighed.
Add another log of regret to the burning pile.
He knew Shawn would want to know what happened at the hospital after the accident. Maybe by then, he could figure out a better way to apologize to her for everything that happened after that.
His hand left hers and trailed down the length of her hair which was now almost as long as it was when they first met at John Adams High. She had been keeping it shorter to cut down on maintenance, but with everything that had been going on recently, she hadn't trimmed it in a long time.
And pregnancy always made her hair grow so fast.
With Audrey snuggled so close he repressed another sigh. If he didn't, she would worry and for once he needed to be there for her in her distress rather than the other way around.
"You sure you're okay?"
"I am. I just miss her, Jonny. I still dream about her and what she'd be like today."
"Yeah, I know, babe. I know." A heaviness settled in his heart. He had the same thoughts at odd times: in the middle of a Board Meeting, doing maintenance on the bike, or right during intermission of Grayson's hockey games. He wondered what might have been had the accident not happened. Would he have a seventeen soon to eighteen years old if it hadn't? Would they still have Julia?
Jon cradled the baby bump with his palm. Being back at the apartment had shifted his perspective on this impending arrival and took him back to the position he was in nearly 16 years before, fraught with anxiety over how badly he was going to screw things up.
Or in this case how badly he already had.
Julia's impending arrival had been both exciting and terrifying. He didn't always react the best, sometimes too hands-off and sometimes too hands-on. Neither extreme helped Audrey; he just got in her way.
This was because he had been raised old school when men didn't raise the children, especially not in his family- that's what nannies were for. But the pregnancy, delivery, diapers, and feeding, all of that was the woman's responsibility whether mother or hired help. The men brought in the money and played with the kids when they were older. Whatever the children excelled in, they took credit for if what they did was of interest or a source of public admiration, but that was it.
Jon knew he wanted to be the opposite of his parents and vowed he would be even though he had no clue how to go about it. It was that vow that brought them back to Philadelphia and the only "good dad" role model he knew- Alan Matthews.
That and the lingering hope they'd cross paths with Shawn and their family would be whole with Julia's birth.
Somehow he lost sight of that promise and since he'd become principal, then superintendent, the onus had been Audrey to raise the kids and manage the household and his schedule, while dealing with this pregnancy on her own.
Audrey's words about letting go of the past said so many times over the years reverberated in his head.
He really screwed things up with this last baby and what would happen after Spring Break was unknown, but at least, for now, he could take care of her like he did when she was pregnant with Julia.
Hopefully without annoying her as much as he did then.
While he was counting the ways to make things up to her, Shawn returned with Julia and Audrey perked up some.
Jon and Shawn stared at each other for a moment then asked simultaneously, "Is everythin' okay?"
Audrey shifted in Jon's arms and squeezed his hand. "Yes," she said firmly. "Everything is okay."
"Same," Julia replied, holding tight to Shawn.
"Good," Jon said although he wasn't entirely convinced that it was.
Shawn and Julia took their seats again, siblings huddled together close and parents huddled together closer. The family stared at each other in silence for a long while before Shawn said, "I really wanna go back to Dutch Wonderland someday just the four of us."
Jon looked at Audrey and then nodded, "I think we can make that happen."
Everyone fell silent again.
Shawn traced an infinity sign on his left knee. "I know you guys have the pictures I took back then, but I'd like to get some new ones, too," he said reflectively. "If I remember correctly there weren't many pictures of the three of us together."
"No," Jon confirmed. "One of us always had the camera taking pictures. And it was usually you. Even though I carried the camera the whole time."
Shawn smiled at the memory. "The picture of Mom and me outside of Exploration Island that's on your desk- that's one I'd like to recreate and then get the four of us in the same spot."
Jon raised his brow slightly. "That picture wasn't taken outside of Exploration Island."
"Yeah," Shawn replied, surprised that Jon had forgotten this. "It was."
Jon shook his head. "Exploration Island didn't exist then. That picture was taken outside the original location of the Turnpike track. The track has been moved since then." Jon paused then asked curiously, "How did you know it's called Exploration Island now?"
Now Julia and Audrey were regarding him with great interest. Shawn gave a sheepish shrug and said, "I may have made gone on my own after I ditched Cory and Topanga to wander the world."
Jon smiled ruefully as he ran his fingers over the seam of Audrey's jeans. "Ironic you made it back and we never did. Every year we've tried to plan it and every year somethin' comes up and we don't. How many times have you been back?"
"Twice." Shawn glanced at Julia. "A couple of times I hit rock bottom and was too proud to go back to Cory or come home. So I went to the last place we were together and happy. Wandered the park to relive a past that never happened."
Audrey reached forward and Shawn moved over to sit next to her on the arm of the couch. He pulled Julia along with him.
Jon nodded absently. "I was the opposite, I guess. The plans you made on the drive back to Philly were so detailed, I just couldn't stand the thought of goin' back without you. It felt like a betrayal."
A betrayal…
The words hit Shawn hard.
If going back to a kid's theme park with your kids was a betrayal what was it called that he did to Jon?
He thought back to the night Cory tried to force him to listen to what happened after the motorcycle accident.
Cory really should have punched him, not the other way around. It would have saved a lot of heartache if he had.
"Neither could I," Audrey admitted. She gently rubbed her thumb over his knuckles. "We've made to other theme parks much further away but going to one so close to home was… too close to home."
Shawn looked at Julia who was standing next to him. Then he bumped her shoulder playfully and gave her a smile. "You wanna know what I had planned for you?"
At the emphasis on "you", she hugged his arm. "I wanna know the name you picked out."
Shawn grinned. "Don't jump ahead, sis. I didn't pick out a name that weekend."
"You didn't?" Julia asked in surprise.
"No." He looked over his shoulder at their parents and jerked his thumb at them. "Still had to get these two married. Dad didn't bring the ring with him."
"Look," Jon said with feigned annoyance. "Like I told you then, Shawn. I had proposal plans for your mom. Big plans."
"Yeah, right."
"Ask Alan."
Shawn rolled his eyes and said with a grin, "You shoulda brought the ring."
There was no smelly breath to awaken Jon early in the morning. He woke up all on his own.
Audrey was curled into a ball, buried beneath the sheets and comforter. He only knew she was there because of her hair splayed out over the pillows. Quietly, he grabbed his clothes and slipped into the bathroom to change before heading to the kitchen.
When he got to the kitchen, the ingredients for their Mother's Day breakfast were already neatly set out, ready to be used. Great pains had been taken to decorate the tray with curling ribbon in Audrey's favorite colors: seafoam green and purple. Cutlery was neatly wrapped in a purple napkin, tied with the curling ribbon, and set next to the plate. A delicate glass vase was set above the napkin, waiting for the flower they had ordered.
Shawn sat at the table and was so immersed in what he was doing he didn't hear Jon walk up behind him.
Jon watched as his student painstakingly recopied the poem he'd written for Audrey. There was a pile of crumpled up paper at his elbow and three broken pencils scattered on the table.
He frowned. Shawn had finished his writing a week before they left and even asked him to proofread it so he was surprised to see him rewriting it.
"Somethin' wrong?" he asked.
Shawn scowled but didn't look up. "Smudged a word on the original, then tried to write it in pen and misspelled four words."
"It's not for grade. Aud won't care about a couple of misspelled words."
The teen looked like he was trying to snap the pen in half. "Two were my name."
Jon pulled out a chair and sat down next to him. "S-e-a-n or S-h-a-u-n?"
Shawn glared murderously at the page in front of him. "Neither."
"Oh. Wow." For Shawn to misspell his name he had to be extremely anxious, but Jon couldn't figure out why as it was Audrey he was writing for, not Feeny.
Not that Jon had even seen him care that his name was spelled correctly on schoolwork.
Shawn went back to writing with painstaking exactness. His pencil slipped leaving a short light streak on the page. He yelped in frustration, throwing the pen down as hard as he could. Rather than whiteout the small mistake he went to wad the whole thing up.
Jon put his hand on top of the teen's hand to stop him from ruining his work. "Hey, what's goin' on with you?"
"I keep messin' up!" He pulled out of Jon's reach and tried to snatch the paper away, but his teacher put his hand out flat over it. Shawn thumped back against the chair and folded his arms over his chest with a frustrated harumph.
Jon picked up the paper and looked over the text. He looked back at the teen and gave him a confused shrug. "Shawn, it's not a big deal. This looks really good."
And it did.
It was even more clearly written than his Christmas list and that had been printed. This poem was in cursive.
"Aud's gonna love it. You don't need to stress out about that."
Shawn grumbled something under his breath and looked like he was on the verge of tears.
Jon sat back and considered what to say. He had learned enough from Audrey to know that this desperate need for perfection was driven by something else.
He tapped his finger on the table to get the teen's attention. "You wanna tell me why it's so important that everythin' is perfect?"
Shawn wiped his nose and shrugged. "I want it to be good enough."
This Jon did not understand. For a gift not to be good enough for Audrey was not possible. Jon was pretty sure she'd be thrilled with a dirty rock from the side of the road if Shawn gave it to her.
"Why wouldn't it be good enough? This is Aud, Shawn. You know, the one that adores that sad little bear I won for her."
Shawn didn't so much as crack a smile. He stared at him with tear-filled eyes.
That's when it clicked for Jon.
This wasn't about Audrey at all.
It had to be about Virna.
"What happened that's makin' you so concerned about Aud not likin' this poem? Which is very good, I might add."
Shawn stared at his hands and began to pick at the skin around his thumbs. Once again, Jon put his hand on top of his.
"Shawn?"
The teen pulled away and let his hands drop limply into his lap. "Nothin' I ever did was good enough for Mom."
Jon took a deep breath and prepared to hold back his temper and opinion on Virna.
"What happened?"
"Every year I tried really hard to make her happy," he said so quietly Jon had to lean over the table to hear him. "I couldn't really get her anything, you know. But I tried to make her stuff. She seemed pretty happy until I was six. That year she locked herself in the bedroom and I didn't see her all day. The next year she wasn't there and didn't come home for several months. The next year not even Dad was home, so I went to Cory's."
Ignoring his rising anger, Jon tried harder to focus on Shawn. "So Mother's Day was usually spent with Cory's mom?"
Shawn nodded.
"Last year, I tried to make breakfast for her, but I didn't do things right. I burned the toast on accident, and she ranted about Dad smokin' and stinkin' up the house, even though she smokes too." He looked up at Jon briefly, then stared at the window over his shoulder.
"She hates scrambled eggs, but they were all I could make at the time. She tossed my breakfast in the trash. She was more interested in lettin' the whole trailer park know what a loser Dad is. I tried to cheer her up by giving her the card I spent a really long time workin' on. I told her I loved her. She looked at the card, told me my handwritin' is so bad she can't read it and she doesn't like poetry anyway. She shoved it in the trash on top of the eggs and burnt toast. Then she left."
At that moment, Jon despised Virna almost as much as he did Chet. He could not imagine treating any kid the way Virna treated her son even if an ex-girlfriend showed up claiming her kid was his and lied about it.
It was cruel.
Shawn slumped over the table as he continued, "So I went to the Matthews and stayed there. Right before dinner, Mom showed up and acted like nothin' happened that mornin'. We got home and she spent the rest of the night complainin' about how ungrateful I am because I chose to spend Mother's Day with Mrs. Matthews instead of her and how that made her feel like a terrible mother."
Jon put his hand over his mouth and counted to ten so what he really thought about Virna did not come out. After a moment he reached across the table and took hold of the teen's arm.
"You didn't do anythin' wrong, Shawn. You did what every kid would do for their mom if they could. And you know Audrey isn't Virna. You could burn the kitchen down and she'd just teach you the basics of cookin' again and give you a fire safety lesson afterwards."
Shawn frowned at him then his expression softened. "You'd the burn the kitchen down before I would."
Jon smiled at the snark. "Anyone could accidently set the microwave for 10 minutes instead 10 seconds, okay."
"Not many could ignore the smell of exploded hot dog for that long."
Jon chuckled and Shawn finally smiled slightly.
"Put the poem in the card, kid. It's good and your writin' is too."
"I guess." Shawn studied the poem critically before finally putting it in the card and sealing the envelope.
"And you did a good job on dinner on your own the other night," Jon said as he stood up. "What's the worst that could happen if we do breakfast together?"
Shawn pushed his chair away from the table. "We distract each other and burn down the cabin."
Jon laughed. "So we don't talk or make eye contact until breakfast is ready. How hard could that be?"
Neither the kitchen nor the cabin suffered any fires.
There was quite a bit of pancake batter splattered all over the counter and floor with a smattering of eggs as garnish from Jon and Shawn bumping into each other due to how small the kitchen was.
Other than that, breakfast was completed without any issues. Once the pancakes, eggs, and orange juice were arranged neatly on the plate, Jon carefully wrote Happy Mother's Day on the pancakes in a thin line of chocolate syrup. Shawn decorated the writing with little dabs of whipped cream. Maraschino cherries were dropped carefully in fluffy white centers. Sweet notes written on pancakes on Saturday mornings was something Audrey frequently did for them, Shawn specifically, and they wanted to return the favor.
At 8 am on the dot, a short rap was heard at the door. Jon answered and accepted the flowers he had arranged to be delivered over a month ago.
As soon as the vase was set on the table, he began to unnecessarily rearrange the flowers. Shawn watched him curiously. His teacher had never been particular about flowers before if he even thought to get flowers for a date. Jon's unusual fusing told him that he was nervous.
This came as a surprise to Shawn. Jon always seemed so cool and put together when it came to dating. Being nervous about giving flowers to Audrey didn't make much sense.
Then Jon's words to him not an hour before came back to him.
"She's gonna love 'em, Jon," he said reassuringly. "It's Aud."
Jon shrugged, took a step back, then went back to messing with the flowers.
Shawn rested his chin in his hand. "I mean if she loves that dinky little bear you got her, she's gonna love these flowers."
Jon gave him a side-eye. In one swift motion, he grabbed a pillow from the chair and launched it at the teen. Shawn caught and tossed it behind him, landing it neatly in a chair.
"I need one of those," he reminded Jon.
"Right." Jon took a step back. "Which one you want?"
"Which one is her favorite?"
"This one." He took a five-petal, white flower with a bright yellow center from the bouquet and handed it to the teen.
Shawn recognized the flower as the one he often saw girls in Hawaii advertisements wear. It had a strong fragrance that reminded him of honey butter and lemon.
"What's this called?"
"Hawaiian Yellow Plumeria."
He took the flower and carefully placed it in the vase on the tray. Then he promptly removed it and filled the vase with water before putting the flower back in.
"You ready?" Jon asked as he placed a small jewelry box next to her plate.
Shawn eyed the box skeptically. "Too big to be a ring."
"I'm aware," Jon said, as he refrained from rolling his eyes. "Still, it's somethin' she'll love."
"I'd love it if the ring was in there more."
Jon shook his head with an amused smile. "What's in that actually has to do with you, Smart Guy."
"Oh?" Shawn perked up at this and regarded the box curiously as he picked up the tray. "What is it?"
Jon nudged him forward as he picked up the flowers. "You'll find out when Aud opens it."
The two fell silent as they approached the bedroom door. Jon pushed the door open for Shawn and they quietly crept into the room.
Audrey was still buried beneath the blankets. Jon and Shawn stood at the foot of the bed unsure of what to do. For some reason, they both expected her to be awake and waiting for them.
Jon reacted first.
Setting the flowers on the nightstand, he gently shook her awake. As Audrey stretched and yawned, a sudden intense anxiety gripped Shawn. His eyes went to the envelope by the plate and a compulsion to throw it in the trash overwhelmed him.
There was no chance to get rid of it, however. A smile lit up Audrey's face when she saw him with the tray. With a tight smile plastered on his face, he stiffly stepped forward and presented it to her.
Audrey saw the stressed look on his face when she accepted a tray. She patted the bed next to her for him to sit down then gave him a warm smile before turning her attention to the tray.
"Oh, you guys," she breathed genuinely touched by the work that they put into decorating the tray and the breakfast. "This is just… perfect!"
She touched the petals of the plumeria in the little vase. She had only seen her favorite flower in person three times. "Where on earth did you find plumeria here?"
Shawn shrugged and pointed to the nightstand. "I got it from there. I dunno where Jon got that."
Audrey was clearly stunned by the large bouquet of plumeria, pikake, and hibiscus next to her. The tropical flowers were numerous and very expensive.
She stared at Jon with wide eyes. "Where did you get these?"
"Might have called in one of those past favors we talked about yesterday." At the look on her face, he chuckled. Sitting on the bed next to her, he explained, "Last year, I tutored a kid who was failin' every single class. Apparently, no one, not even Feeny, had been able to get his grades up."
Jon paused looking pleased with himself. "Got him to get passin' grades for the last semester. And his dad is the owner of one of the most expensive florists in the area who just happens to specialize in exotic flowers. He told me owed me big. So I called in that favor about a month ago."
Audrey was properly awed by having her favorite flowers where she could touch them which made Shawn all the more anxious about his gifts.
Jon's gifts were impressive.
His were not.
When she reached for the envelope, he bumped her hand over to the jewelry box.
She caught his distress and lightly patted his cheek with a questioning look.
He gave her a tight smile and said, "Jon said it has to do with me, but I dunno what it is."
Audrey obliged him by opening the jewelry box. Inside was a gemstone pendant of amethyst.
A slow, pleased smile spread over her face.
Shawn looked at Jon like he was crazy. "What does that have to do with me?"
Jon shook his head, unsurprised that Shawn didn't recognize the significance.
Audrey looked up at Shawn with a strange, teary smile. "It's your birthstone," she told him.
"My what?"
"Birthstone," Jon said. "Every month has a gemstone associated with it. Yours is amethyst, Aud's is ruby." He took the necklace Audrey was wearing, the one he bought her at Christmas, and added the gemstone to it.
Shawn knew about birthstones from chatter in the high school hallways. Birthstone jewelry was all the rage with girls.
"How come you got her mine and not hers?"
"I found out from Mrs. Matthews that it's a big thing to get mom's jewelry with their kids' birthstones. There's so much out there I wasn't sure what to get. Figured a pendant would work okay."
"It works very okay. Thank you," Audrey said with a laugh. She ran her finger over the gemstone then leaned over and kissed him.
Shawn felt a funny warm feeling mixed with anxiety settle in his stomach.
Virna wore some jewelry, but he couldn't imagine her wearing his birthstone or hers. She still wanted an engagement ring to be proud of from Chet.
Then there was Audrey, wearing his birthstone next to hers.
Shawn pursed his lips together for a moment then pushed the uncomfortable feelings away. Tipping his head to the side he looked at Jon and asked, "What's yours?"
Jon shrugged and looked at Audrey. It never occurred to him to ask about his own.
"January's birthstone is garnet," she replied.
"What's it look like?"
"Garnet can be red like ruby or much darker even purplish," Audrey said. "It's somewhere in between yours and mine."
This struck a sharp chord with Shawn and made him flinch slightly.
Even their birthstones were connected.
That warm feeling turned hot while the anxiety increased.
What were Chet and Virna's birthstones? Was there a connection there? He tried to remember the dates but completely blanked on them.
"Huh,' Jon said. "That's kinda of a cool coincidence."
Audrey nodded her head in agreement and Shawn realized he was reading too much into it. Still in the back of his mind, the question lingered. While these questions ran through his mind he didn't realize Audrey was opening his card until it was too late.
"Oh! Shawn!" His name was drawn out in a long breath.
Shawn froze, numbed by fear.
As much as he didn't want to see her reaction he couldn't help but look. His eyes found her face against his will, and he was surprised by her expression.
There were tears in her eyes as she turned the card over in her hands. She stared at the cover, then gently traced over the en pointe ballet toe shoes with her finger. Pale pink ribbon gracefully twirled around them.
The shoes were painted but the ribbon was real.
"Did you draw this?"
He ducked his head to hide the blush that colored his cheeks. "Topanga helped me with shape and stuff. I knew what I wanted it took look like just not how to do it. She suggested doin' mixed media. It was easier than drawin' everything out."
Audrey held the card to her heart and then opened her arms to hug him. "I love it. Shawn, it's gorgeous."
"Really?" Shawn did not expect the card itself to get much notice.
Audrey sat back and opened the card. The poem slipped out and fluttered down to the sheets.
Despite her positive reaction to his art, if she hadn't picked up the paper so quickly he would have snatched it and torn it up.
Jon was watching his reactions as Audrey opened the folded paper. "Shawn's put nearly two months of work into that poem," he told her.
Shawn wasn't sure he wanted her to know that or not. If she hated it, he could have blown it off as a last-minute thing, but not now.
Audrey's hand went over her mouth as she read.
She didn't say anything.
Shawn held his breath.
Virna hadn't said anything when she read his poem either.
But unlike his biological mother, Audrey read the poem over and over.
Finally, she set the paper down next to Jon and reached over to pull Shawn into a hug.
"Thank you, honey," she choked out through the tears. "I don't have the words to tell you what your poem means to me. It's beautiful and I love you so much."
Shawn tried to respond only to find his voice had deserted him and his throat was shut tight with unshed tears.
She really did like it.
But now he couldn't say anything.
His only response was to hug her back as tightly as he could.
When she released him, she took his face between her palms and pressed her forehead against his. "I will keep it forever."
Shawn knew that no matter what happened this was the truth. But his mind still insisted on playing Virna throwing his work away because it wasn't good enough on an endless loop.
Jon saw that he needed a distraction, so he pointed out the now-melted whipped cream and how it had ruined the writing on the pancakes.
Everything was tinted pink from the cherries.
Audrey laughed and said she saw it before it bled everywhere and that she very much appreciated it.
However, she was not fond of them staring at her as she ate so Jon and Shawn went to get their own cold pancakes and eggs and brought them back to the bedroom to eat with her. Even though breakfast was now cold, Audrey expressed her pride in Shawn's pancakes and was very pleased with how quickly he became good at cooking.
As he dumped chocolate syrup over his stack of hotcakes and shoved eggs into his mouth, visions of an angry Virna were slowly replaced by Audrey's delight over his poem which she read out loud several times.
Jon also expressed his pride in his work.
He even thought he had a future as a writer.
It was strange having people express hope for his future rather than tell him had none.
Very strange.
But it was a good strange.
Before the mini-golf bet was issued, Shawn had already planned, with Jon's permission, to take Audrey out on a mother-son date to the Tanger Outlets. He'd been saving his allowance and doing extra work for Jon whenever he could so he could pay for the entire outing.
Shawn was excited about the date for a few reasons. Aside from the outing itself, he was going to drive Audrey to the outlet mall.
The amount of begging and pleading it took to convince Jon to let him do this was not something he wanted to ever repeat.
It was embarrassing to look back on.
Since he wasn't eligible for Driver's Ed at school due to the way his birthday fell, Jon felt bad for him and started teaching him how to handle the Harley. As far as the truck was concerned, Jon thought the new graduated license program Pennsylvania had recently adopted was the way to go especially since he could be his instructor. Under his guidance, Shawn had already passed the written test for his permit. It was just getting the hours in that was an issue. So far, his driving time had been limited to various parking lots to get in some practice with Jon's promise to take him out for serious lessons after Mother's Day weekend.
While they were planning that weekend Shawn noticed the outlet mall was less than a mile away from the campgrounds and that's what sparked the begging to let him take Audrey there on their date. Jon wasn't crazy about the idea but relented after the groveling and talking to Mr. Matthews about the location of the stores in relation to the campgrounds. Then Jon took him out on the road to get enough practice so he would be able to drive to the outlet mall.
Shawn danced antsily outside of the truck waiting for Audrey to join him. Jon stood next to him, unnecessarily reminding him about the rules of the road.
"Jon, I know," he groaned. "We've been over this so much."
"Yeah," his teacher shot back. He put a hand against the door of the truck and wagged a finger at him, "but now you're gonna be out on the road with Audrey, too. This is serious, Shawn."
"I know it is!" he insisted. "But we've literally sat in a parkin' lot just goin' over the lights, the seatbelt, how to start the engine."
"You forgot about the adjustin' the rearview mirror and the seat."
Shawn let his head tip back until it made contact with the door's window. "I won't when I get in the truck."
"You just did!"
"I'm standin' outside of the truck," he pointed out, slapping a hand to his face. "Once I'm in the seat I'm sure muscle memory will kick in. Hours of doin' that very thing, Jon. Hours!"
Jon crossed his arms over his chest ready to pull the plug on the driving plans when Audrey walked out of the cabin with a plumeria blossom tucked behind her left ear. Seeing the location of the flower made Jon forget about his misgivings about Shawn's driving.
Shawn barely noticed the flower much less its significance as he rushed to grab the passenger door for her.
Audrey beamed at him.
As she was buckling herself in Jon leaned against the door and motioned for her to roll down the window.
"If you're uncomfortable with him drivin' at all, just take over. It's less than a mile." Jon couldn't really explain the sudden fear over Shawn's driving. But it was to the point he was ready to drive them to the outlet, sit in the truck, and wait for them.
Then an idea came to him.
"You can take a golf cart if he has to drive."
Audrey gave him a funny look and then glanced at Shawn, who was doing everything Jon taught him to do twice. She turned back to Jon and asked seriously, "Can we race the golf cart this time if we do?"
Jon made a face at her. "What is with you and racin' golf carts?"
She chuckled and leaned over to kiss him. "Like you said it's less than a mile. I think we'll be okay."
"Fine," he sighed and stepped back from the vehicle.
As he watched Shawn pull out of the cabin's parking space and cautiously turn onto the road, Jon couldn't shake the worry even if he was confident Shawn would ace this first road test.
On the road, Shawn was quiet, intensely focused on his driving.
Audrey watched him with pride.
She was impressed with his driving skills given how limited his practice had been. It was a testament to Jon's teaching skills and Shawn's desire to learn.
That driver's education was one of those things that was exclusively their time together. Not that she hadn't been invited to join them, but she knew there were things they needed to have independent of her. Something to bond over, like hockey.
Just the two of them.
And sometimes she needed to listen to her music rather than their bickering.
She smiled at the thought before returning her attention to the road and acting as a second set of eyes for Shawn.
The drive to the mall took longer than it should have, not because traffic was heavy but because Shawn drove surprisingly slow, barely at the speed limit. Whether it was for her benefit, Jon's, or his own, she wasn't sure. She didn't say anything though as she didn't want to discourage him.
Rather than deal with parking next to any other vehicles, Shawn parked at the back of the lot which left them with quite a walk to the stores. Audrey didn't seem to mind much to his relief.
The idea to go to the outlets came from Topanga who told him she went the previous Mother's Day with her mother. She said it was fun going through all the stores and that there were special things to celebrate mothers throughout the mall. Part of her Mother's Day gift was to buy her mom something she liked while they were there.
Shawn had his savings in his wallet which was tucked into and chained to his pocket. He liked Topanga's idea of buying something while they were out. He wanted to be able to get Audrey something that she really wanted rather than buy her jewelry that would turn her neck or finger green since he couldn't afford the good stuff like Jon could. His teacher had offered him extra cash for the occasion, but this was very different from Christmas and something he very much wanted to do all on his own.
The outlet was busy but was not the overwhelming crush of Christmas which made it much more interesting and enjoyable.
All of Shawn's worry and fear faded away and for a few hours, he was just another kid at the mall with his mother on Mother's Day. Topanga was right about the outlets being a fun way to spend the day and he was glad he'd listened to her.
When they hit the food court around noon as Shawn hoped they would, he offered to buy her anything she wanted. Still full from breakfast, Audrey suggested splitting an order of nachos. Shawn agreed, adding a diet Pepsi for her and an A&W root beer float for him to their order.
They settled at a table in the corner of the food court away from the crowds. Their conversation as they'd gone through the various stores and learned more about each other's preferences in clothing, music, and other things had been lighthearted and fun. This continued at lunch, but Shawn found his focus wavering as he became distracted by all the families roaming the food court. One woman in particular held his attention as there was something very familiar about her.
Her dark auburn hair was a mess of curls that dipped just below her shoulders and was tied back from her face with a floral scarf. Even her clothing was familiar- several years out of date, didn't fit quite right, slightly faded.
He squirmed in his seat trying to catch a glimpse of her face without being obvious, but she was always turned just so he couldn't even see her profile.
Still, she looked so familiar, yet she couldn't be who he thought she was.
Not here.
Not now.
Shawn's heart hammered so loudly in his ears as he watched her he couldn't hear anything Audrey was saying.
If she was even saying anything at all.
And then the woman spoke.
Lifting her voice above the steady hum of the food court she yelled for someone named Amelia in a distinctive Southern drawl.
Virna!
It was Virna!
Shock coursed through his body as dawned on him that both of his mothers were at the Tanger Outlet food court in Lancaster on Mother's Day.
That strange, detached feeling swallowed him.
To his shock he heard a strangled cry come from his own throat: "MOM!"
Audrey immediately grabbed his hand as she stood up quickly. Shawn pulled as far away from her as he could without breaking their connection as the woman turned to stare at him.
Now he saw her clearly.
Not only was she not Virna, but she didn't look like the slightest bit like her from the front.
Shawn dropped Audrey's hand as he sunk into his chair with his palms firmly pressed into his eyes, humiliated and guilt-stricken.
He'd yelled at a stranger in the middle of a busy food court.
Worse, he'd betrayed Audrey on Mother's Day by desperately calling out for a woman who didn't even want him in hopes that she was there and looking for him.
As usual, he'd managed to ruin the day.
Virna was right to throw away his gifts and leave him.
He was ungrateful.
Everything he did belonged in the trash.
He belonged in the trash.
The numbness of shock wore off and he fought back the urge to cry and scream as grief and anger consumed him. In the end, he just sat there, silent and pathetic, with tears leaking from between his hands and face.
A small hand rested on his back gently running long nails between his shoulder blades.
Despite his betrayal, she stayed.
That made Shawn's guilt intensify.
The urge to run overwhelmed him.
Audrey would be better off not having to deal with him. Ruining Mother's Day was only the beginning. If he stayed she would end up like Virna, desperate to get away from him. She and Jon would be much happier without him no matter what they said.
Shawn pressed his palms deeper into his eyes until he saw sparks of light in his peripheral vision.
He had to get out of this family now before his beloved guardians grew to hate him.
"Whatever you're thinking, you're wrong."
Shawn's brow furrowed against his hands. Believing he'd misheard her, he turned his head and looked at her with one eye.
"What?"
Her voice was neutral but her expression was serious. "You know what," she said simply.
He pushed the heels of his palms up to his forehead and pressed them against his skull as hard as he could. "I thought it was her," he said quietly. "I thought it was…" He couldn't bring himself to say what he thought nor what he'd said out loud.
"Your mother?"
He jerked to attention, sitting straight up completely rigid. "No!" He squeaked out as though a denial would erase from both their memories the name he'd called out. "You're my mother. I just thought she looked like, like…"
He just couldn't say that word again to her.
"Based on the pictures Cory's showed me, she did look like Virna from behind."
Shawn wasn't sure what was worse. That Cory was showing Audrey such pictures without his knowledge or that Audrey noticed it too and didn't seem bothered by it.
A panic rose within his chest.
As much as her life and Jon's would be so better without him, he knew his would not be and he couldn't bear the thought of losing them.
Afraid he was going to be sick on the floor of the food court further ruining the day, Shawn tried to distract himself by thinking of some way to salvage things, but he didn't have enough money to buy back her affection.
"I didn't mean it," he said weakly. Tears clouded his eyes, frustrating him even further as he couldn't control his emotions or be a better actor.
"Didn't mean what? That you thought she looks like Virna or that Virna is your mother?" Her tone was gentle and calming and that bothered Shawn greatly as he couldn't tell how she really felt.
She's just going through the motions now, he told himself. What choice does she have? She's stuck out here with me.
It was over.
Shawn's shoulders slumped forward.
Another ruined Mother's Day.
Trash.
He belonged in the trash along with his poetry.
Finally, he shrugged. "Both."
Audrey gave his shoulder a loving squeeze. "She is your mother, hun."
He blinked back the tears that threatened to fall and shrugged again while at the same time leaning into her hand. "No, she's not. Not really. By blood but that's it. She's never been very motherly. Not like you. But I…." he rambled on until he couldn't make sense of what he was saying.
The feelings swirling inside him were confusing and frightening.
"Still you love her and want her to come back."
This was a sickening thought and that Audrey called it so accurately made him worry she might be able to read his mind.
"No!" he said a little too loudly. "I just, I don't…..I want both of you!"
And with that, Shawn confirmed that he was a greedy, selfish ingrate like Virna knew him to be.
Now Audrey knew it, too.
He held his breath waiting for her verdict on him.
Audrey bowed her head for a moment as a deep sympathy for the teen washed over her. His internal struggle was written all over his face as was his guilt and pain.
"Confusing huh?" she said quietly as she brushed one side of his hair from his eyes. "Loving someone so much who you resent so much?"
He looked at her uncertainly for a moment then considered her words.
Crossing his arms, he leaned on the table and slid forward until he was lying on the table. Whatever Audrey thought of him, the perfect Mother's Day was lost, so with nothing more to lose, Shawn said, "Sometimes I hate her so much and never want to see her again. Sometimes I want her to come home so badly and forget anything ever happened. I want you too but sometimes I just want her to be you. I don't understand why she can't be."
He stared at the space where the woman who looked like Virna once stood. "Why can't she be as good a mom as twenty-year-old? She's twice your age. She should be twice as good a mom. But she's not. Not even close."
By this time, he was sitting up and glaring at everyone in the food court as anger replaced all other emotions.
"And I don't understand why I want her after everything she's done and everything you've done. You've done what she should have been doin' all this time. I shouldn't even think about her!"
Fury flashed across his face, and he took hold of a napkin by the empty nacho container. "Why do I want him back after all Jon's done for me. I gotta guy who didn't even want kids bein' a better dad than one who can't keep track of how many he's had."
He ripped the napkin in half by slamming both fists down on the table as he pulled on it.
"They don't care- why can't I stop caring about them?!"
Audrey rested her hand on top of his. "Sounds to me like you're caught between stage one and two of the five stages of grief."
Shawn blinked in confusion. "Five stages of grief? Like when someone dies?"
She nodded. "This separation from your parents and severing the ties between you with adoption is like a death in way. The death of everything you've known. The death of everything you hoped for where Chet and Virna are concerned. It makes sense that you would be grieving. Even though you are gaining a permanent family with Jon and me it doesn't change what's been lost. Life goes on after death, but everything changes too. It's hard to accept."
Shawn sat back against the chair and leaned towards her until his head was against her shoulder.
Once again she was eerily accurate.
"You had a great family. How do you know how I feel?"
"I did have a great family," she said. "But I lost both of my parents. My mum died, but in a way so did my dad, and honestly, Shawn, it's been harder with him than Mum. Mum was just gone. But Daddy?"
A father with his teenage daughter walked past them, laughing and talking. Shawn saw jealousy flare in her eyes for a moment.
"I never had that; not after Mum died," she said absently nodding at the father and daughter. Then she refocused on Shawn. "The man in that hospital bed is not my dad. Some days Daddy shows up but most of the days he's off with my mum in his mind. That's where he is. He's not with me and he hasn't been in a long time."
Shawn frowned as he recalled the few times he met "Pops". "You make it sound like he left you."
"He did, Shawn, she sighed. "I mean, I know he was devastated when he lost the love of his life, but I was still there. I needed him. I was just a kid. He took off after my mum and left me behind. I did everything I could for him, hoping and praying he'd get better and come back for me."
Tears filled her eyes as she shook her head. "It never happened. And I'm not proud of it but there are days where I resent him for not fighting harder to keep himself together for me. And then I feel guilty because I don't know that he could have. I love him. I do. And I'll take care of him to the end. But sometimes I don't want to ever step foot in that hospice again."
Shawn slid down in his seat, seething at the unfairness of life. Maybe he deserved what happened to him, but Audrey- no way did she deserve for life to dump on her like that.
"It sucks," he said after a while. "The whole thing sucks. I do resent her, but I resent him more. Most of the time I don't want him to come back. I never want to see him again. And when I do want them both back, it's because I want them to see you and Jon adopt me. I want them to beg me to come back to them. I want to say no. I want them to cry and be as miserable as they've made me."
He gave the table's support a hard kick. "And I feel like crap for wanting to do that to them."
"I get it, Shawn. I do." She paused for a moment then said, "I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't like for that to happen to them too. I wish they could know the misery they've put you through from your perspective for as long as you've had to deal with it."
Her candor surprised him, and Shawn smiled a little at it. He took her hand and held on tightly. With a heavy sigh, he said, "I love you and Jon a lot. I wanna be your kid legally. But I feel so guilty about that. Then when I want to go back to them, I feel worse about betraying you guys."
"You're not betraying us, hun. You really aren't."
He found that hard to believe.
With a sigh, he said, "I try not to think about it but now I can't help it. I don't understand anything. I feel like there's a big ball of emotions I can't even name stuck inside. I wish I could stick my finger down my throat and puke it up."
The moment the words left his mouth he froze, realizing how callous that must sound to her and what she was in recovery for.
Audrey squeezed his hand, unbothered by the comment. "That's where counselling will help. In the meantime, talk to Jon. He'll understand better than anyone how you're feeling."
Shawn frowned slightly. "Did Jon go to counselling when he was my age?"
She shook her head. "Daddy used a few of Mum's school connections to get Jon in to see a guidance counselor. But attitudes towards therapy was really different when Jon was your age. It was something to be ashamed of."
Shawn fell silent as he thought about their conversation. After several minutes, he sat up and said, "I really do want you to be my mom."
"And I really want to be your mom," she replied with a pleased smile.
Shawn leaned against her again and sighed, "I'm sorry I messed up your first Mother's Day."
She shook her head as though the idea was ridiculous. "You didn't mess up my first Mother's Day."
He gave her a skeptical look.
"You didn't, Shawn. You may not realize this, but this is exactly the kind of conversation a kid should be able to have with their parent."
Shawn raised his brow in surprise.
Cory had serious conversations with his parents all the time, but he'd always thought this was unusual after a certain age and pretty much a Matthews' thing, although Topanga occasionally mentioned talking to her parents. He could never talk to Virna about anything serious. He'd tried to talk to her about Chet before, but he was a subject that would only spur her to start shouting about what a lousy husband he was.
She was too busy to talk about other things like school, girls, friends, or feelings.
She never heard any of his concerns.
And Chet?
Impossible to really talk to him about anything other than Chet.
Audrey's voice cut through his clouded thoughts. "I'm honored you trust me enough to talk to me about this, Shawn. Makes me feel like a real mom."
At this, the emotional storm within him died down to a tolerable level. He wasn't completely convinced that his presence wasn't an undue burden, but, if nothing else, she wasn't angry with him for the abrupt turn the day took.
Inhaling a deep breath, he asked, "You wanna keep goin' or head back to Jon?"
She regarded him intently for a moment then asked, "What do you think?"
Shawn stared back at her. The answer was clearly written on her face: she wanted to stay with him.
"Lemme toss the trash and we can keep goin'," he said, pushing his chair back. "You still gotta pick out your second gift from me."
Audrey grinned and handed him her soda cup.
As he took the trash to the waste receptacles, it occurred to him that maybe he really hadn't completely ruined the day.
He returned to Audrey and arm in arm they made their way out of the food court and Shawn was able to walk past the trashcan again without feeling like he belonged in it.
Jon was sitting on the porch when the truck crept slowly back to the cabin. He stood up and crossed his arms over his chest as he watched Shawn's cautious approach and wondered if he drove that slowly the whole time or if this was a show for his benefit.
Either way, he was wrecking the gas mileage.
While Shawn was getting out of the truck, Jon walked over to the passenger side to ask Audrey how the drive was. Once assured Shawn did a very good job, Jon took the opportunity to give him a hard time.
After Audrey got out, he circled the truck, bent over so he was inches away from the body of the vehicle running one hand up and down the paint as he inspected it.
"What are you doin'?" Shawn put his hands on his waist and frowned at his teacher.
Jon glanced at him with an arched brow and said seriously, "Checkin' to see how much body work I'm gonna have to get done after your little trip."
"Ha, ha," Shawn snapped irritably, "You aren't gonna find a dent or a chip or anything else. I parked way out."
"Yes, he did," Audrey confirmed. "So far out, I should have taken my hiking boots."
"See!"
"Parked so far out that a runaway shoppin' cart got you, huh?" Jon pointed to a spot in the paint over the back left wheel.
"What?!" Shawn jumped forward and pushed his nose against the spot Jon's finger was over.
"Made you look," Jon laughed as he brought his palm up against the teen's chin.
Shawn groaned in annoyance with himself for falling for the trick, then jumped up and got in Jon's face with a self-satisfied grin. "Admit it. I'm a good driver and should drive us back to Philly."
Jon grimaced and shook his head. "Absolutely not. I'll give you that you're a good driver for eight tenths of a mile, but you're not drivin' even that far back home."
"Why?"
He took a moment to really look at Shawn, who he swore had grown another inch in the night. A strange feeling of relief melted over all the worry that had plagued him while they were gone but didn't completely take it away.
"Because, kid," he said putting a hand on his shoulder, "I just spent the last four hours worrying about everythin' that could go wrong with you behind the wheel. I can't handle more stress."
This struck a harsh blow to Shawn's pride.
Jon always seemed enthusiastic about his parking lot driving and thought he was only teasing him, but apparently, he was not. "You really thought I was gonna wreck the truck or somethin?"
Jon shook his head. "Nah, I just realized that there are about a million things that could go wrong that you couldn't possibly avoid even doin' everything exactly right."
Shawn frowned. "What brought that up?"
He shrugged. "While you guys were out, I ended up at the camp store talkin' to a bunch of guys who're here with their families. Apparently this kind of worry is dad thing, and it never goes away it just gets worse."
Shawn blinked several times as he processed this information. He had trouble imagining that Chet ever worried about what might happen to him if he was out, especially since he left him at a sleazy motel on 7th Street alone, not even with Uncle Mike, and took off after Virna. That Jon sat around for hours coming up with things to worry about made no sense to him, especially since he wasn't alone.
However, it did sound very much like something Mr. Matthews would do.
He looked up at Jon through his bangs and gave him a small smile. Jon returned the smile and slapped him on the back.
"Why don't we head inside, and you can show me what Aud picked out for her Mother's Day gift?"
Shawn rolled his eyes good-naturedly. "I'll give you three guesses," he said as the trio entered the cabin.
"I dunno. Another charm for her bracelet?"
"Nope. But has something to do with stuff like that."
Jon's jewelry knowledge was limited, and he wasn't sure what was out there related to a charm bracelet that was not a charm. He stopped in the middle of the living room and frowned. "I really don't know, Shawn."
"It's related to jewelry and every single girl I know has one with this certain thing inside."
"Jewelry box with a little ballerina spinnin' when you open it up," Jon said the moment Shawn was done with the description. He turned to Audrey and gave her an amused smile. "Huh, Aud, for someone who doesn't do cliches, that's big one, you know."
Audrey gave him a light swat. "That was in reference to dates. I never said anything about jewelry or jewelry boxes."
Jon and Shawn exchanged looks and laughed.
"Alright, what's on the agenda for the rest of the day?" Audrey asked. She was tired from all the walking and sat down on the couch.
Jon took a seat on the coffee table in front of her, took off her shoes, and started to rub her feet.
"Photos," Shawn told her. "There's some places at the Park I wanna take pictures of us."
"And I have dinner plans for us," Jon added.
"I don't know what they are," Shawn said impishly as he picked up his camera to double-check it before they left. "So if they're bad I had nothin' to do with it."
Jon shot him a look over his shoulder. "And if they're good?"
"I had everythin' to do with it. Neither of you would be here if it wasn't for me." He raised the camera to his eye and snapped a shot.
Jon threw a pillow at him and rolled his eyes while Audrey sat back and enjoyed the ensuing banter.
Shawn's seriousness about the photos he took surprised Jon.
He knew it was a subject that held the teen's interest which is why he and Audrey spent so much time finding the right camera for him. But he didn't realize how much studying on his own time Shawn was doing. He not only knew everything about the camera and how to use it but also how to set up a good shot.
Shawn was so picky about how the photos turned out that he insisted on taking all the pictures. He also didn't trust anyone with his camera even though several people offered to take family photos for him. Eventually, Jon was able to coax it from him at each place they stopped so that he could get some pictures of Shawn with Audrey and Audrey could take some of the two of them.
Each time the camera left his hands, it came with a set of specific instructions.
The last place Shawn wanted to take pictures was at the Turnpike Track. The park closed at 6 on the weekend and the last riders were leaving as the family approached the ride. When the attendant saw what they were planning to do, he let them take pictures in one of the cars.
On their way out, Jon realized that Shawn had not been in most of the pictures taken at the track.
"Shawn," he said, halting outside of the exit. He motioned for the camera. "Lemme take a picture of you and Mom at the entrance."
After giving Jon yet another lesson in using the camera, he took his place in front of Audrey who put her arms around him. He put his hands on her arms and leaned back against her.
Jon didn't have to tell them to smile.
As he snapped the picture, it struck him just how contagious Shawn's smile was when he was really happy.
He'd never seen him happier than he was right now.
After the pictures were taken, the family headed back to the truck and out to dinner.
As soon as they arrived at their destination, Shawn gave Jon's dinner choice two thumbs down.
"I cannot believe you're doin' this," he said incredulously as he stared at the steamboat-shaped hotel that was attached to a place called Huckleberry's Restaurant.
Jon frowned. "Can't believe I'm doin' do what?"
"You're terrible at bein' subtle."
"What are you talkin' about?"
"Huckleberry. Steamboat." Shawn shoved his hands at the buildings in front of them dramatically. "You're gonna make me read more Twain over the summer while you're havin' fun in Europe, aren't you?"
"You know, I hadn't thought about what you're doin' this summer beyond stayin' with the Matthews while I'm in Europe," Jon said in exasperation. "But now that you keep bringin' it up, maybe a summer of readin' isn't such a bad idea. You do have a lot of books from last year you never finished for my class."
Shawn pushed his lips together and squinted at his teacher. "You need to let the past go, Jon."
"You need to let the past summer go, Shawn."
"Agreed," Audrey said in amusement. "May we go in now?"
Shawn and Jon looked behind them and realized that they'd been having this conversation right in front of the restaurant doors, preventing others from going in. With sheepish apologies, he and Jon held the doors open to let the others go in ahead of them.
Dinner was good but the company was better, and Jon felt an inexplicable desire to take a slight detour home via Las Vegas with a stop at the Little White Chapel.
He wasn't sure he could wait until summer to ask Audrey to marry him.
It wasn't possible to go to Vegas, of course. They didn't have the finances for one thing, and he did want to propose properly. However if he'd brought the ring with him, he was sure he and Shawn could have made the proposal memorable.
Unfortunately, the ring was still in the interior pocket of his leather jacket which was hanging in his closet at home.
During dessert, Shawn was drawing up summer plans for himself and Cory, plans that left no room for reading of any kind. Jon kept glancing up at Audrey and exchanging secretive smiles with her.
After he was done with his banana split and had stuck his fork into a slice of cherry cheesecake to claim his third dessert, Shawn finally had enough of the looks and demanded to know what they were talking about with their eyes.
And then promptly realized he probably didn't want to know.
Amused, his people let him stew in embarrassment for just a moment then Jon looked at Audrey and said, "I don't think he knows."
Audrey nodded struggling to hide her grin. "Did Jon tell you about expanding our European honeymoon?"
He twitched his nose and put his fork down. "Yeah."
"Did he tell you we're extending it by two weeks?"
"Yeah."
"Did he tell you we'll be joining my family at the end of the fourth week, and we'll pick you up for the fifth and sixth weeks?"
"Yea-…." Shawn's eyes went wide and his mouth fell open. "Wait, what now?
Jon shrugged. "Unless you don't wanna come with us."
"But I thought…" Shawn wasn't sure what to make of this invitation, but he was thrilled with it. "But it's your honeymoon."
"That we planned to be four weeks," Audrey told him. "That's our honeymoon. Jon figured out a way to extend it, so we could have some extra company. Figured our kid was the best person to come along."
The teen sat back against his chair and regarded them with awe, deeply touched that they wanted him with them but unable to understand why.
"Well, I did promise to take you to Europe this summer," Jon told him. "The honeymoon kinda took your spot."
Shawn frowned. "I don't care about that. I'd rather you get married than go to backpackin' through Europe."
"None of that's changing," Audrey said, "And it makes sense for you to join us- part of my family is over there waiting to meet you."
"They know about me?"
"Of course, they do."
Dumbfounded, Shawn stared at her.
There were people an ocean away waiting to meet him?
He could not wrap his mind around that.
But still, the thought warmed him.
He picked up his fork and sliced it through the cheesecake, then he looked back up at them. "Can we go to Paris?"
Jon nodded then motioned to Audrey. "I've got a couple of cliché things to do while we're there, if you don't mind."
Shawn shook his head. As he was about to take a bite of the dessert a thought hit him. "Wait, if I go, do I still get a baby sister?"
Jon groaned and rolled his eyes and Audrey laughed.
"Yes," she said. "You still get your baby sister."
A smile tugged at one corner of his mouth. "Yeah, okay, I'll go. It'll be cool."
"I think so," Jon said.
"Could we go to a hockey game at the Leksands ishall?" he asked hopefully.
Jon looked at Audrey, then back at Shawn. "Huh, never occurred to us to put an SHL game on the itinerary."
"Sounds good to me," Audrey said. "I would mind seeing Stockholm while we're in Sweden. That's one place I did not get to dance."
For the rest of the meal, Shawn rearranged his plans with Cory to be only four weeks long.
Back at the cabin, the trio promptly dropped onto the couch in their usual positions to watch Jay Leno and whatever came on after the Tonight Show until nearly midnight.
With Jon and Shawn curled around her, Audrey let her mind wander over the events of the day.
During the day, it became very real to her that in the not-too-distant future, she would be the mother of a teenager.
It was a strange thing to think about especially given her lack of feeling on the matter.
Not a lack of feeling for Shawn- no, her feelings for him were strong and sure.
It was the idea of becoming a mother that she had no strong feelings about. She was not afraid, or anxious. She did not have any reservations about it.
Maybe it was because she was convinced that it was meant to be for Shawn and Jon to become her family. There were too many ties that bound them together for it to be a coincidence and Audrey had no desire to rebel against that.
And some of it was because it made much more sense to her to become a mother at twenty than a caretaker at thirteen almost entirely on her own. Parenthood would be a partnership with Jon who wouldn't flit in and out of her life like her father's well-meaning but unreliable friends had.
However, she also knew she wasn't supposed to feel this way. She should be worried and have great reservations about this. She shouldn't want this responsibility.
It wasn't normal.
While the Matthews supported them, Andrea, Eli, and the friends and teachers she'd spoken to from back home all scoffed at the "hypothetical" idea she presented to them and told her she was crazy for wanting to get married let alone adopt a teen.
They also thought she was joking.
But it was happening. She was an adult. No one had a say in what she did.
Audrey snuggled closer to Jon as she ran her fingers through Shawn's hair, then picked up the remote to turn the television off. Reluctantly she shooed them off to bed.
Shawn hugged her tightly when she thanked him for a perfect first Mother's Day, reassuring him that she loved him very much and was proud to be his mother.
He walked her to the bedroom trying to strike a deal to get them out of returning to Philadelphia. When he returned to the living room having failed his mission, Jon was pulling out the futon for him.
"Thanks."
Jon turned around and saw Shawn standing behind him with his hands in his pockets.
"You're welcome." At the blank look on the teen's face, he dropped the blanket and asked, "Everythin' okay?"
The teen frowned for a moment then said, "I think so."
"Today was a good day."
A small smile kissed his lips. "Yeah, it was."
Jon picked the blanket up again and spread it over the sheets. "You know that poem's gettin' framed."
The smile broadened.
"Copies will be made to go on her fridge. And mine. And the Matthews. Teacher's lounge. Feeny's. Eli's. No one's fridge'll be safe."
The smile turned into a grin.
"Mama really does love it," Shawn said walking over to the futon where Jon was. "She's not fakin' it."
"Nah, she wouldn't do that. And the poem is excellent. You've got a real gift there, Shawn."
The teen leaned against his shoulder. "Yeah, maybe."
"You wanna talk or you ready for bed?"
Shawn regarded him for a long moment then suddenly turned and hugged him tightly.
The hug caught Jon off guard, but he recovered quickly and returned the affection without hesitation. Shawn held onto to him for so long he thought he'd fallen asleep. Then without a word, the teen let go, dropped to the bed, and was asleep within minutes.
The mood the next morning was subdued for as much as the trio wanted to get home and relax before heading back to school, none of them wanted to leave Lancaster and the anonymity it provided.
No one wanted to return to pretending they weren't a family.
Breakfast was lackluster compared to the days before. As much of the leftover food was eaten as possible before cleaning and packing up. Once the truck was loaded and they were about to get in, Shawn had a sudden burst of anxiety about leaving.
What made it worse was that both Jon and Audrey had the same sense of foreboding.
Shawn stood several feet away from the truck hugging himself. "I think we should go to Mama's and skip the apartment," he said somberly.
"I can't," Jon said as he tossed Audrey's hair and cosmetics bags into the back of the cab of the truck. "George is supposed to call this afternoon and I told him I'd be home by noon."
"So?" he said grumpily, not happy that Jon made plans that put them on a specific timetable without telling him. "Lots of unexpected things happen when you go outta town. Make somethin' up."
Jon shot him a disgruntled look as he walked around to the driver's side. "I'm already makin' a lot of stuff up," he huffed. "I don't wanna add anything else. But maybe I can drop you and Aud off at her place and go back on my own."
"Oh, no," Audrey said as she shut the door to the cabin behind her. "We have to go back to school tomorrow and separate until you can talk to Mr. Feeny about us. I don't want to split up early."
"Yeah," Shawn gnawed on the skin around his thumb and refused to move. "I don't wanna split up either. We need to stay together."
Jon opened the truck door, then turned around and leaned against it. "Well, look, let's go back to apartment and as soon as George calls we'll go to Aud's, spend the night. We won't even unpack the truck."
"Yeah, I guess." Shawn shifted uneasily. It was a good plan. A decent comprise. He had no reason not to go along with it.
But something in him resisted the idea completely.
"It'll work out. We'll be okay," Jon said with more confidence than he felt. He couldn't understand the foreboding that hung over the truck. "I was kind of hopin' I could talk to George about us this afternoon. Get it out of the way."
Audrey and Shawn exchanged apprehensive looks then stared silently back at him.
"Well, the guardianship papers will be signed next weekend so we should get that done as soon as possible," he explained.
"Yeah. You're right." Audrey gave Shawn's arm a squeeze and nodded towards the truck. "Everything will be fine."
The mood in the truck was somber for the first twenty minutes.
Shawn didn't badger Jon about driving. Instead, he immersed himself in his plans for his baby sister the next summer.
This list was even more detailed than his Christmas one. He had everything outlined from which rides to on and shows to see, the order of which was based on the time of day with plenty of naps scheduled as well as where she would sleep depending on how old she was. He marked on his one unlaminated map all of the rest areas where Audrey could take a break.
Shawn wrinkled his nose in frustration. The one thing he forgot to look at was what souvenirs would be age-appropriate and their cost.
He'd be sixteen in February and was certain Jon wouldn't have an issue with him getting a job.
Turning his attention to the quickly passing landscape outside the window, Shawn said absently, "Hey Jon."
His teacher glanced at him in the rearview mirror. "Yeah?"
"We'll bring a stroller with us next time right?"
"Yeah, sure."
"You know what model?"
Jon gave a snort of disbelief at the question but at the serious look on the teen's face, he said, "Nah. Haven't thought about it. Why don't you do the research and tell us what you recommend."
"Okay." Shawn watched the clouds as traffic began to slow as they neared the city.
"Jon?"
"Yeah?"
"I wanna push her around the whole time we're at the Park."
Jon traded looks with Audrey. She reached over and put her hand on his knee.
"You gotta deal, kid."
Shawn looked down at his plans then closed his notepad and stared out of the window again. The sense of foreboding grew as they entered Philadelphia city limits.
Audrey sensed this and Shawn and Jon's growing discomfort, so she distracted them by getting them wound up over the Rangers' offseason foray into the playoffs they just barely made. Both happily took the distraction loudly complaining and chirping each other to the point that by the time they made it into the building the emotion of the friendly teasing had overridden the intense anxiety.
As the little family made their way to Jon's apartment, each one tried to reassure themselves they were just feeling depressed after the weekend because it didn't make sense that anything would be wrong at home.
Audrey was sure her feelings were also caused by her resistance to pretend she was just Jon's student teacher again. It was different with Shawn as he was often, jokingly, called her son by other faculty members. But she hated having to watch Jon get hit on and say nothing.
At least he wasn't dating anymore.
Shawn's concern was that someone would be waiting for them in the apartment. His guess was it would be either Mr. Feeny who got their whereabouts out of Mr. Williams or Chet who showed up and decided to take over the apartment.
He didn't want it to be either one.
He hoped Jon would have the chance to talk to Mr. Feeny before they got caught.
Jon could find no logical reason for his feelings. He figured, at the very worst, they'd find Eli camped out on the couch because he couldn't get past Mrs. Dubchek and her advances.
He really should have told Eli he was going to be out of town over the weekend.
While Eli would give him a hard time, George was the one he really needed to talk to about what was going on.
The sooner the better.
It occurred to him just how quickly the week would pass, and it would be Saturday again and the paperwork that he'd been holding onto for so long would be signed.
By both him and Audrey.
He couldn't wait to see Shawn's face when he realized he was getting two legal guardians.
As soon as he got the apartment door unlocked, he caught Audrey by the waist and Shawn by the shoulders. Hugging them close, he pushed the door open with his foot.
Laughing, they awkwardly struggled through the narrow space together angling Audrey in first while he and Shawn briefly got stuck in the doorway. The whole thing struck them as ridiculously funny as they fought to maintain their footing as they entered their home.
Tears clouded their vision, and it took a few minutes for their sight to clear. When it did, the trio froze in horror unable to move.
None of them could process the scene in front of them.
Someone was waiting for them.
But it wasn't Eli camped out on the sofa.
Or Mr. Feeny and his disapproval.
It was Katherine.
Thank you so much reading and spending your time with me. Also thank you so much for your comments. I really appreciate them.
A note on Shawn and his baby sister:
I'm a reading interventionist in elementary school at a Title 1 school. I've had many Shawns come through my classroom over the years. One student will forever be in my heart due to his love for his baby sister.
Z was a kid who made everything better and brighter. He loved to make others happy and was a protector of those who were looked down on, especially girls. Unfortunately, home was a living hell that we found out about when he was in third grade. His older sister was being horribly abused by his stepdad and his mom was pregnant with another girl. I will never forget my third grader sitting in my classroom telling me that his goal in life was to get old enough to get a job so he could move out and take his baby sister with him. He said he would love her and protect her; never let anything bad happen to her.
Z is the inspiration behind Shawn's desire for a baby sister. I know this storyline would make him very happy.