Chapter 16: Self-Control

She stepped out of her bathroom and started to wrap a towel around herself. The cold air chilled the exposed skin on her arms, legs, shoulders, and neck. Shaking her head, she couldn't wait until this cold spell would end. A passing thought about global warming passed through her head, but she quickly dismissed it as she entered her bedroom.

The people on the news called it a Polar Vortex, which dropped the temperatures below their normal range. Again, what was normal Bobbi-Lee thought as she looked around her bedroom and was greeted by a small black cat laying on the bed. His cat green eyes looked up at her and he rolled on his side, seeming indifferent to her presence.

"I'm glad to see you too Rob," she said to the cat, which responded by rolling on his back to scratch it.

Bobbi-Lee chuckled and walked over to her dresser and looked at what she laid out on it. She sighed and turned to look at a picture tucked in the corner of it. A small sad smile came to her face as she gazed back at the picture of her Dad at her college graduation. It was one of the few pictures of Cade Burke smiling, under his Fu Manchu Mustache, which only had the traces of gray in them. Bobbi-Lee was wearing her Wake Forest University cap and gown and holding her diploma. Hard to believe that was sixteen years ago, and he had been gone just about eleven years this June.

Breaking the moment Bobbi-Lee opened one of the dresser drawers and dug through it, trying to figure out what she wanted to wear. The only thing she had going on today was a Skype call with Brooke and Trin, but that was this afternoon. Maybe she could go bug her sisters, or her brother, but that was always awkward as all three of them now had a family with young kids. Also visiting Kayla at Vitoria Cottage always made her feel out of place. Anyways Huck's girls were always more fun.

Grabbing a few pieces of clothing she looked up at the wall and saw a picture of her. It was taken eleven years ago out in the Southwest, when she took a leave of absence from Davis Enterprises, for health reasons. It was the high desert in the summer, she was smiling at the camera wearing a white tank top, rock climbing gear, a helmet, and sunglasses. It was part of a program that made her feel better and get over the grief and daemons that she carried with her.

Laura Branigan's lyrics came to mind about that time in her life.

Another night, another day goes by
I never stop myself to wonder why
You help me to forget to play my role
You take my self, you take my self-control

That was her life back then, she would hold herself together during the day and at work. After hours, usually, home alone that was when she would lose control of the daemons and the darkness would creep in. That usually meant a bottle of Maker's Mark at least a night. It all started when her Dad died in that fire. In the past, at night she would drive by 1042 New Bedford Road, and see where he died. Once she did that, she would return home and return to the bottle.

Shaking her head, it was a troubled time, Johnny also died back then. Killed in an ambush, the damn fool was trying to be a hero, always trying to end his connection to the Mason family and they're not so honest ways. His flag was downstairs hanging on the wall. Johnny was a good friend.

Bobbi-Lee nodded, knowing her grief for what happened to her Dad was added to when she got the letter, that cursed knock on the door, telling her Johnny Mason was killed in action, defending his country. She sighed, and more of those lyrics came to her mind.

You take my self, you take my self-control
You got me livin' only for the night
Before the morning comes, the story's told
You take my self, you take my self-control

That wasn't what broke her though. It was when her brother, sister-in-law told her what Angela Scott had found out about Bobbi-Lee's then-boyfriend, and even had evidence to prove what she told them. That was the final coffin nail and that was when the drinking and self-loathing became the worst. That was when she cut up that one picture, which now only had her, Johnny and Jackie Gregory in it.

It's not good to live in the past, she reflected. Dropping her towel, she threw it onto Rob. The cat kicked it off himself and looked at her with a dirty look. Bobbi-Lee chuckled.

"That's what you get for being lazy," she said to the cat.

The cat popped up onto his feet and ran away. Bobbi-Lee shook her head and slipped on her bra. Looking into the full-length mirror on the back of her closet door and saw she was still in good shape. There were a few scars and marks from a life well-lived, but overall, she was pleased with how she kept herself in shape.

She reached into the closet and pulled out a white button-down blouse and slipped it off the hanger. Shaking it off, she slid an arm into it and then into the other sleeve. Turning to look in the mirror she adjusted the blouse and buttoned it up. She chose to wear a blouse because of the Skype call, but she would just wear an old pair of torn blue jeans.

Grabbing her jeans, she sat down on the edge of her bed and pulled them on. Standing up when they were around her waist, to make sure they sat just right, and she fastened them. Again, turning to gaze into the mirror, Bobbi-Lee smiled as she liked what she saw.

Nodding she reached over to her dresser and grabbed her brush and started to brush out her ginger red hair. It was a signature color of her family, well until Huck had his younger children, who all inherited their mom's dark brunette hair. Her sister Kelly had two blondes and another redhead. Kayla had another redhead and another blonde. Bobbi-Lee laughed, and she had cats.

Shaking her head afterward, she walked away from the mirror and back to the dresser. Her feet were cold, and she needs socks. Pulling the drawer open she looked back towards the bed, and Rob had returned, curling up on one of the pillows.

"Rob, are you the reason my pillows always need to be fluffed?" Bobbi-Lee asked.

The cat didn't even move a muscle. Bobbi-Lee shook her head and dug in one of her drawers for a pair of socks. Once she had them, she sat down on the bed and pulled them on and finished her outfit with a battered pair of runners. Bobbi-Lee ran every day, rain or shine, these runners were a retired pair that still had some tread life left in them.

"Behave, Rob," Bobbi-Lee said.

The Cat didn't even move. Bobbi-Lee stood up and headed out of her bedroom. She looked at her Loft Home Office and shook her head. She needs something to drink before she went to work and get set up for the Skype Meeting.

Bobbi-Lee headed downstairs. On the first floor on a whim, she headed over to the Utility Room to check on her laundry she had put in the drier before she took a shower. Poking into the room she heard the dryer was still running, so she had time. Leaving the Utility Room, she looked at another door.

Across the hall was another bedroom, which was largely disused. Looking into the room, she saw the bed and the battered and used furniture. There were a few nights that Brett crashed there when she was in-between arguments with her Mom and didn't want to bring her Dad into whatever was going on.

Bobbi-Lee knew that it would drag her in-between her niece and her Mom. She could handle herself when Ashlyn would show up looking like an angry, she-bear. Bobbi-Lee would smile and say that her niece was here and safe and will go home when they were both ready.

Life was weird Bobbi-Lee noted. She was the only one of her siblings unmarried and without children. Years ago, if asked where she thought she would be at this point in her life she would have said she would be Bobbi-Lee McMichael and have a handful of kids. Not here, in a small cottage, with three cats, and staring at a second bedroom without any occupant.

Life had a way of throwing curve-balls at you. Bobbi-Lee was only just starting to learn how to hit them. With a sigh and a smile, she turned away from the bedroom and headed to the kitchen. There was green tea, and work was also waiting for her upstairs. Yeah, life has been good to her since she came back from the high desert, but there are things she still wished she hadn't missed out on in the last eleven years.

What she knew was she could keep her house plants alive and her three cats as well. Maybe, just maybe she's ready to take the next step and see if she could keep a relationship alive.

Fleeting, foolish thoughts, Bobbi-Lee reflected. She had everything she needed, and good neighbors as well. Her boss treated her well and she still enjoyed her work, so what more could she ask. Her nieces and nephews were great, even the oddly named ones, who would name their son Jory or Phelan? But Bobbi-Lee had learned one thing about herself since she graduated Wake Forrest, and that was she was above everything else a survivor.