Jere's POV

When my alarm woke me up I thought I'd find Amanda drooling next to me, but she was gone. I would later find out that she packed her bag and took a car back to Boston hours before I opened my eyes. On my way out the door I said my goodbyes to everyone except Belly. I might have ignored her on purpose.

I tried calling Amanda on my drive back; no answer.
I tried texting her when I got to work.

Me: Hey, can we talk?

No reply.

When I got home I tried ringing her again, this time she sent me to voicemail. I was pacing the apartment when the phone beeped. "Hey, it's me Jeremiah- Right you know that. Can we talk about last night please."

I hung up feeling more disappointed than before. I mean we'd hooked up before, it's been a few years sure but we'd never stopped talking. This was different though. She opened her self up to me, to being truly intimate with me. I didn't want to have that with her if she'd wake up and regret it. I should have told her that instead of just saying no like an idiot.

My phone beeped with a text, I was heart broken to see it was just Conrad asking if I'm okay. I ignore it. My mind is racing, I want to rush over to her apartment to explain, but I know her well enough to know she needs to get over the heap of anger she's feeling.

I figured we'd talk tomorrow, but tomorrow came and went with nothing. I sent a few more texts and got nothing back. I was hoping after a week she'd have broke and called me, but nothing. I am now convinced she's never going to talk go me again.

Conrad asks me to come back for the weekend once more, he wants to have a big 4th of July party and was hoping we could do something to honor mom. I didn't plan on going back, but he knows I'm a sucker for anything to do with mom. So despite the fact that I never wanted to go back, I am packing.

I call her again while I'm packing my bags. No answer.

It feels like a rock is in my stomach, a boulder sitting in my gut. This feels horrible. I text her before I get in my car.

Me: Look, I'm a fucking jerk. Please Amanda let me explain!

On the drive there I can't even focus on anything except the look on her face when I said no. She didn't look mad, she looked hurt and disappointed. Why did I say no! Stupid! I lost her anyway! Maybe if I'd said yes she'd sooner forgive me for having sex with her drunk than rejecting her.

I send another text to her while I'm at a red light.

Me: Amanda, you're my best friend please I need to explain myself.

She could get a restraining order at this point.

I make an agreement with myself that once I get to Cousins I will not bother her again for my whole time there. Hopefully if I give her some more space she'll just let me explain why I said no. How I didn't want to take advantage of her, or how I didn't know if she understood how things would be different.

"Jere!" Belly was the first to run up and hug me. She smelled like Vanilla and mixed berries, it was the most comforting thing I've had in a week. I pull away quickly, looking away from her. I tried to peak around her, pretending to look for more people

"Where's Connie?"

She frowns. "He's in the garage. Where's Amanda?"

I'm the one frowning now. "We haven't talked since last week." I'm not sure why I blurted that out. It's because I'm hurting.

"Oh, why?" Belly almost sounded truly disappointed.

I just shrug. I don't even have the mental energy to make full sentences. I feel like my arms way a million pounds. I feel like napping. Am I depressed? I move past Belly into the house. The whole day was spent prepping for tomorrow. Cakes, decorations and Liquor runs. I find myself avoiding Belly the whole day, like if it's somehow her fault Amanda is ignoring me, when I know full well it's my own.

By the end of the night everyone just dissipated to their rooms, tomorrow is going to be a full day and I'm pretty sure everyone is not up for anything other than sleep. We're getting old. Every night more exhausted than the night before.

I don't head up to my room yet, I feel like it's haunted with the last memory I have in it. I sit by the pool, drinking a beer and staring up at the moon.

I text her, even though I promised myself I wouldn't.

Me: I am sick to my stomach, racked with guilt. Not even fully sure why you're mad at this point. I'm sorry Amanda.

I see three dots appear, my hope shoots up to the moon. Then nothing, no more dots and no message. I take another sip of beer, "Stupid."

That's when I hear foot steps, I look behind me and I see Belly standing there. Her hair down, messy like she'd been tossing and turning. A pale pink night gown that was almost floor length.

"Jere?"

She walks closer, taking a seat beside me on the bench. We don't say anything to each other. I can feel it, the pull between us. It's never not there, even when she's not having trouble with Conrad. I look away from her, I promised myself and Amanda that it wasn't like that this time.

"Why didn't Amanda come with you?" She asks in barely a whisper.

"I don't know," I lie.

"Come on," She nudges me. "Tell me."

"I have a better question," I ask flatly. "Why do you and Conrad sleep in different beds?"

She drops eye contact, looking down at her slippers. I shouldn't have asked, it's not really my business. "I don't know really."

"Come on," I mock. "Tell me."

She rolls her eyes. "Jerk."

a small voice in my head says 'tell her goodnight and leave.' But I ignore it, like I've done a million times before. That same voice told me to not yank off Amanda's clothing and look where that got me.

"We just," She let's out a heavy sigh. "I think maybe we realized we weren't written in the stars like we thought." I don't say anything, just stare at her. I have so many different things I want to tell her, both mean and nice. Both caring and careless. Like if she'd have just realized that years ago, when I was standing in front of her ready to marry her. Ready to give her forever!

"That sucks," I shrug.

She bites her lower lip. "Jere," she says in a low and sultry tone that instantly sends shivers down my spine. "About the song."

"The song?" I spat out. I could care less about that right now, with so much more tension between us.

"Yes, I'm sure it's made this like weird vibe-"

"No, you make this weird vibe."

"How do I do that?"

I look her in the eyes, Amanda's words echoing in my head. "You basically eye fuck me whenever my brother isn't looking." I regret it the moment it leaves my mouth. I didn't want to be rude to her, harsh. My true instinct wants to console her. She looks down, not saying anything. I need to say I'm sorry, explain to her how I've had a crappy week and it was out of line to talk that way.

"You're right."

Fuck me.

She looks up at me, her brown eyes so intense. So serious. "I'll admit Conrad and I never had the... passion that I shared with you." She runs her hands through her hair like she's going crazy. "God, I can't believe I'm saying this Jeremiah."

Trust, I'm just as shocked. I didn't realize how close she'd gotten to me, I can feel her breath. I quickly look to see the house behind us. All lights are out.

"I do think about you, all the time." Her voice is low, tender almost. "It hurts me to look at him, knowing I think about you."

My heart is racing, I'm fighting myself right now. Get up, get up and walk away Jere. Save yourself. "Belly, you guys are in a weird place."

"I always wished," she puts her hand on my cheek. "I always wondered..."

I put my hand on hers, planning to pull it off but I just hold it there. "What?"

She gives me the weakest smile. "What would have happened if I just asked you to marry me that day."

This broke my heart. Prior to the last few weeks I always wondered what life would have been like, if we'd have kids or live somewhere far away from Conrad.
I just stare at her, my breathing is ragged now and I am praying to all things true that I can get the strength to run to my room and lock the door.

"I always wondered," she said in almost whisper. "What the.. sex would be like."

We're just staring at each other. I keep looking at her lips, she keeps licking them and I know it's because she's having the same thoughts I am. I'm about to let all my will power fail me, to pull her in and take her on this bench. Let both of us know exactly what should have been.

*Beep Beep*

The glow of my phone between us pulls me from this spell. I pull away, her hand falls into her lap. I look down at my phone and it's a text from Amanda.

Amanda: It's not about the sex Jere.

My heart sinks. It's nearly one in the morning, she must be up thinking about everything that's happened. I need my friend back, I need to fix this more than I need to live out some fantasy. Some dream I once had.

"She's waiting for you?" Belly sighs.

I don't say anything, I just keep staring at her. "Belly, I will always love you."

She smiles, I think maybe hoping there's more positive feedback behind that.

"I haven't dated, I never let anyone truly in since we broke up." I scratch my head. "You chose Conrad, I respect that." She tries to hold my hand but I reject it. "No, Bells. This conversation is not okay, I have loved you since we were kids and so has he. But respectfully, you have been the one who's never been sure."

I stand up. "I changed, Belly."

"Jere, let me-" I wave her off.

"I don't want to hear what you have to say right now, you're married to my brother." I find myself upset.

"You are the mother of those beautiful little girls, you are more than whatever you're feeling right now." I take a deep breath. "Go climb in that bed, hold your husband and let's pretend this never happened."

I didn't wait another minute, I walk away. I don't look back, I don't want to loose my resolve. I just walked away from something I probably dreamed up. Her coming to me, tempting me- loving me. But it's not real. I know real. I want real.

I didn't go up to my room, I got in my car, connecting my phone and dialing Amanda's number. She sent me to voicemail. I can not stay in that house, I don't want to wake up to Conrad, Belly or anyone else. My heart is heavy and the only thing I want is to fix things with my friend. I find myself in deep thought as the roads twist and turn. I keep thinking about holding her, watching her glee when she won that bet between her and Belly. The feeling of contentment in my chest when I held her, when I kissed her and how hard it's been thinking I'll never see her again.

I call her again and she answers this time. "Jere," she says groggily.

"Listen," I park my car. "You are my best friend and I am so sorry I said no, because the truth is I was scared. I know how serious sex is to you and-" I rub my face. "I was afraid it would change everything. Change us."

She sighs. "The problem is I want things to change." I hop out of my car, making my way down the hallway. The nearby elevator dings open. "Where are you?" She questions.

"I want things to change too, because not ripping your ugly pajamas off was the hardest thing I've ever had to do," I say with a chuckle. I can feel her glaring at me through the phone. "Also, I left the beach house."

"It's not just about that," she sighs. "Jeremiah, why are you not in cousins?"

I stop in front of the green apartment door. "Because I'm outside your door." The call dropped. I was positive she was planning to call the police on me, but then the door swung open and there she was. Her brown hair braided to the side, a short pink night gown that showed her legs off. We just look each other up and down for a minute.

"I didn't want everything to change," I say exasperated. "I didn't realize that it already did change." I step closer. "I didn't realize that I've spent the last seven years falling in love with you, because I was busy trying to not get hurt again." I take another step toward her and she doesn't budge.

"I was trying to tell you at dinner," she looks at her feed. "That I want more."

"I'm an idiot, trust me I know that." I put a hand behind her neck. "Amanda, the idea of never being near you again moved mountains for me. Changed my DNA I think."

She lets out a small laugh and I am so relieved to hear her laugh. "I love you too."

I kiss her, crashing my mouth onto her like it's the only way to survive. Without letting go of each other we make our way into her apartment, falling onto the sofa I've sat on so many times. This is it, this is real love.