A/N: Yes, I'm late. And yes, you're getting a mega-chapter.
Charlie looked up from the TV when the door opened. He hadn't turned on any lights, and Bella was grateful for the darkness to shield most of her expression as she came up behind her father. She leaned down over the back of the couch, and gave him a quick hug.
"Hi, dad," she murmured, digging her face into his shoulder.
"Hey, kiddo. How was your run?"
"Just great."
He held onto her arm and twisted a little in an attempt to see her better. "Are you doing okay?"
Not at all. "Fine. I'm going to go shower."
He patted her hand before she unwound from him, and made her way upstairs. Silently, she opened her door to her bedroom, and didn't quite react when Jasper stood in the middle of it all.
"Let me see your leg," he insisted.
Wordlessly, Bella shut the door behind her and crawled up on her bed, wanting to crawl into herself entirely. She felt the dip as the bed took on Jasper's weight.
She pulled up her right thigh to her chest and angled it such that she could see her calf. There was a nasty red gash; a couple of inches of tear in her skin. Diagnosis? Probably a low hanging tree branch. She wasn't bleeding anymore, and she could hardly feel the sting.
"You should wear something longer if you're going out to the woods," Jasper told her, his eyes running over the cut. "And you should go clean it. Now."
Bella pulled her other knee to her chest, joining them. She let the silence prolong for a moment longer as her thoughts swarmed her brain.
"Bella," Jasper pressed.
"I know, Jasper," she said quietly, pulling out her phone from her windbreaker's pocket, and composing a text. "I'm telling Esme that I don't feel well." The last thing she wanted was to be subjected to a feeding by Esme Cullen.
"Edward will want to see you."
She stood, grabbing a change of clothes from her closet. Her tone was bitter when she asked, "Do you think I want to see him?"
She shut her bedroom door behind her and stalked to her bathroom. The fear and agitation mixed into an emotional cocktail that she didn't care for. Once she stepped into the shower, she told herself to focus on the water pounding against her muscles, and the steam that enveloped her in a warm cloud.
Begrudgingly, she cleansed her wound with soap, suddenly incredibly grateful for Jasper. And, she supposed, Alice. If it weren't for her visions, she would've been dead twenty minutes ago. Who knew just how many times she had brushed death's door this way? How many times had Alice intervened?
You should question anyone who has this much interest in keeping you around.
Wasn't it generally a nice thing to keep someone alive? Having somebody to watch your back was generally a good thing, right?
No matter how creepy Alice's foresight could be, it was keeping her alive.
The deep breaths she took felt suffocating as the steam consumed her. Her skin flushed beneath the hot water. Only when her fingers were wrinkled and the spray turned lukewarm did she step out.
Pulling on sweatpants and a long-sleeved top, she toweled her hair all the way back to her bedroom. Jasper had left.
Her pulse began to race as she sat on her bed and stuck her phone to her ear. Each dial sequence made her heart leap.
And then, finally, Edward picked up.
"Bella," he said, his tone concerned. "Are you okay?"
"Hi Edward," she said softly, trying her best to keep a good composure, even though her hand trembled violently in her lap. "I already told Esme that I wasn't feeling well. I think I'm going to rest."
"Running out in this cold is not such a wise choice," he agreed, seemingly root-causing her symptoms. "Do you need anything? What can I get you?"
"Nothing," she said, perhaps a little too forcefully. "Nothing at all. I just need some rest."
"Should I come by—?"
"No, no. I won't be too entertaining in this state."
"Well, alright," he relented, and then a smile found a way into his voice—the tone so eerily familiar from a time that had once made her stomach flutter. "Happy early Christmas Eve, Bella."
Tears rolled down her cheeks as she took a deep breath. "Happy early Christmas Eve, Edward."
She pressed a hand firmly to her lips as a sob shook her, the phone tumbling down onto the bed. Reality felt warped as she tried to sort through it all, her mind reeling with the thought of Edward's previous girls. She had known so deeply that something was off. Ever since Edward had taken a sip of that amber wine and told her he loved her. And how perfectly okay he seemed when his feelings were unrequited. How long had he expected her to last?
She felt the tears fall on her lap as her face grew hot with unrelenting emotion. The panic in her chest constricted her breathing and she shivered with the wave of helplessness. Edward was a vampire, for God's sake. What the hell did she expect?
And then, she felt nothing but a headache at the base of her skull. The warring emotions in her chest dissipated as her spine straightened at the strangeness of feeling… empty.
The void was cold and unfeeling, and when she turned her head to Jasper beside her, she didn't react at all. She couldn't. There was nothing to feel.
And immediately, she knew what he was doing. She had only felt the impact of Jasper's abilities a handful of times, but she had never felt it in this force. If she hadn't been so empty as a result, she would be amazed beyond belief.
Letting herself fall on her back, she stared at her bedroom ceiling. The numbness felt comforting enough for her to easily admit, "I need to break up with him."
And then, she felt everything. Her fear and panic rushed into her, spreading across her chest and throughout her whole body. She felt her heart rate accelerate as her breaths began to come in short, anxious puffs. Rising up to sitting, she breathed in deeply, choking on the air.
Jasper was now roaming her room, paying no mind to her struggles.
She reached for the glass of water by her bed, feeling entirely wronged. "Was that necessary?"
"Yes. It seems you need your feelings to function, after all."
"What?"
He fixed her with a glare. "Breaking up with Edward Cullen is a rash decision."
"A rash decision? Did you even hear a word of what you told me today?"
"Do not make him angry, Bella."
"Well, why are you angry, Jasper?"
He stared at her, unblinking and icy. "Because you are not a woman who will make this mistake."
"What mistake is that?" She challenged, her fear morphing into deep anger. "Saving my own life?"
Jasper turned around, away from her, as if he simply couldn't tolerate this. His attention was on her desk, and then her closet, with its doors thrown wide open. He didn't touch anything as he glanced over a stack of papers that consisted of lecture packets, and a neat arrangement of novels against the wall. Her clothes were organized and folded—the blacks, burgundies, and browns of her winter wardrobe in full view. It was then that Bella realized—Jasper hadn't truly been in her room before.
"See anything that you like?" She asked, her tone a mix between annoyance and curiosity.
Jasper's eyes turned to her, lingered for a while, and then said, "The Cullens value their Christmas. You will attend with a straight face."
"Excuse me?"
"As alluring as your backbone is, this is not the time for it."
Bella got to her feet, her entire body buzzing. As she approached, his red eyes were as serious as she'd ever seen him.
And his tone was equally as so. "It's not wise to make such rash decisions."
Her mind filled in the part he didn't say out loud: Because Alice is watching.
The chill started from her shoulders and ran straight down to her toes. She shivered, as if spiders began crawling all over her.
"Jasper—"
She was cut off by the sound of the window sliding open. A second later, a knock came on her bedroom door.
Jasper was gone, and Bella was left staring out to the trees when Charlie called, "Can I come in?"
"Come in," she said absently.
"Hey, kid—" He seemed to stop mid-sentence. "You okay?"
She ran a quick hand over her face and shut the window forcefully before turning around. "Hey. Yeah."
Her father braced a hand on the doorway. "Your mom called. She asked what you were doing for New Year's."
She sighed deeply, her thoughts already running rampant, and unfocused. "Why? Is she coming?"
"San Francisco, she said. Maybe you should call her."
The moment Bella woke up the next morning, she called her mother.
Renee was coming to the West coast—San Francisco, California, to be exact. And she wanted her daughter.
"It will be so fun," her mother told her on the phone. "Phil's team is renting out a whole floor of the Palace Hotel, and I'm sure we can convince them to spare an extra room."
"It's so last minute," Bella said uncertainly.
"Let me know, and Phil will book your flight. It's just that simple."
She didn't want to leave Charlie alone on New Year's, but before she could say more, Renee added, "You'll let me know, okay? Merry Christmas Eve, honey."
"You too, mom."
Bella was still in bed that morning, and a sense of dread sat heavy on her chest for Christmas Day tomorrow. It was suffocating enough that she just stuck herself deeper into her comforter and squeezed her eyes shut against the sunshine filtering through the window.
"Bella!" She heard her dad call.
"I'm not hungry!" She called back.
She didn't hear a response, so she snuggled into the warmth once more. Until she heard him right outside of her door. "You have a visitor."
She ripped the covers from her face, too alarmed for eight in the morning. "Who?"
Not Edward, not Edward, not Edward.
"Mrs. Cullen is here. With what I must say is an impressive amount of food."
"Hi Bella," she heard Esme's voice from the hallway.
She didn't like that her father was standing in their hallway with a vampire. She didn't like it one bit.
Pulling a robe on, she opened her door, and Esme Cullen beamed at her brightly, shoving a large glass platter in her face. "Good morning!"
Charlie was beside her, staring hungrily at the casserole she was holding.
"I know you said you weren't feeling well, so I brought over some samples for you to try," Esme quickly explained. "I would really just like your input for tomorrow."
Bella's eyes slid to her father's, and then back to Esme. "Let me get ready, and I'll be down."
"I can provide input," Charlie volunteered as he followed Esme down the stairs. Bella didn't miss the wide-eyed look he gave her as he descended.
Before she left for the bathroom, she grabbed her phone and shot Jasper a text.
So, what do I need to know about Esme? Does she kill puppies? Is she slowly drugging me with all this food?
She checked her phone after she got through her morning routine, and scowled at what he responded with.
Would Esme killing puppies really change your situation?
Dressed properly, she carefully made her way downstairs. Her phone buzzed in her back pocket with a second text from him. Still, avoid cutting yourself.
Esme and Charlie were laughing about something when she approached them in the kitchen.
"I really hope you're feeling better," Esme said, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder.
Bella unconsciously tensed at her touch as she eyed the numerous Tupperwares laid out on the kitchen counter. "Are these all for tomorrow?"
She tapped a closed plastic bowl. "No, these are for today. Based on what you think, we'll see about tomorrow."
There was enough here to feed at least eight people. Charlie seemed to pick up on that too. "You'll be eating this for the next few days, Mrs. Cullen."
Esme grinned, the smile tight around the edges. "We are a very big family, Chief Swan."
He raised a finger. "That is true."
Except the only person who would be eating all of the food would be Bella.
Esme began opening up a few dishes—pulling off tops and unwrapping aluminum foil. "Now, I know it's not really breakfast, but…" She pulled out a few plates and silverware from a big bag—gold trimmed, and too sophisticated for their little kitchen. Bella had half the mind to grab their own chipped and bent cutlery.
Serving up some mashed potatoes, chunks of turkey, and casserole, she placed a smooth plate into Bella's hands. She handed a similarly arranged one to Charlie.
"I don't understand," her father said through bites of food. "Bella's not much of a foodie. If anything, I should be consulted on these matters." He took another bite of the casserole. "This is delicious, Mrs. Cullen."
"Esme is fine," she told him kindly, standing near as she watched them devour their very odd breakfast.
Bella felt suddenly exasperated by the amount of food that sat there, and she knew it would all go to waste. "Esme, I think you should just pack this up and serve it for tomorrow. There's really no need to make any more."
Esme swatted the thought away. "We will have it all fresh. The turkey will be out of the oven the moment you step foot in the house, sweet Bella."
A whole Turkey? Her current bite moved way too slowly down her throat.
"Speaking of," Esme continued, "if you wanted to come, Chief Swan, you are more than welcome to join us tomorrow."
Bella's grip tightened on her plate as her eyes flew to her dad. "I don't think so. He usually goes into the station."
"On Christmas Day?"
"The law doesn't care what day it is, I'm afraid." Charlie shrugged apologetically. "Lots of drunk driving on the holidays."
Relief surged through Bella.
A phone began to ring, and Charlie excused himself upstairs. Bella waited for her father to go before turning to Esme. "You don't have to do any of this."
Esme watched Bella with nothing but softness in her eyes. "Of course I do, Bella. It's what I do." She leaned forward and gently touched the back of her hand to Bella's cheek. "Please, let me take care of you. Are you feeling okay this morning? I have a lot of soup recipes we could try."
Bella swallowed, her eyes darting to the food. "You do enough."
"What did you think of the turkey? I had to let it thaw for almost a week. Can you believe it? For tomorrow, we'll have a vegetable stuffing, with carrots and zucchini. I hear the sage really brings it together." She glanced happily down at Bella's plate. "Well?"
Bella thought she wanted none of it. The overabundance was excessive and entirely wasteful. As her lip curled downward, she wanted to tell Esme just that. "I just don't think this is necessary. It's too much." She looked at her, her tone low, and mild. "And, honestly, it's all too extravagant for just one person, and—" She stopped herself when she saw Esme press a hand to her lips.
The shift in her expression was stark. Her calm, easy-going demeanor had suddenly morphed into something closer to sorrow. It was such a sudden deflation of her personality that Bella didn't exactly know how to address it.
"Did you not like the food?" Esme asked quietly, her hands finding the Tupperware lids. "I can try something else. Anything else."
The air was static around them. The quiet only made it worse.
"Anything you make is always delicious," Bella said as she felt both a sudden urge to pull Esme into a hug, and also to take three steps back. "I didn't mean to upset you."
Esme's smile was shaky at best. "You could never upset me, Bella. How can I make this better for you? What would you like?"
Bella watched her closely. "Maybe just a little less. I'm one tiny human."
"Less?"
She laughed uneasily. "I can only consume so much food."
Esme looked down at her dishes. "Edward said how you admired large families—because you've never had one for yourself. He's talked about the family gatherings you've never gotten to experience. And food is such a big part of it all, right?" She paused, her eyes roaming the platters. "I've always wanted you to feel welcome, Bella."
"I do, Esme." She swallowed again, eying her cautiously. "I always feel welcome with you."
And then, Esme finally smiled—another sudden shift. But Bella couldn't help but notice how her eyes remained distant. "You're right. Let me take some of this back, and we can reheat for tomorrow."
Bella nodded earnestly. "That sounds great. I'm sure my dad would gladly eat whatever you leave behind."
She watched Esme gracefully pack up most of the dishes into one large bag. Bella helped her scoop some into their own Tupperwares as leftovers.
Before Esme left, she said to Bella, "Thank you for letting me do this."
"Do what?" Bella asked, walking her to the door.
The smile she gave her was sweet, yet timid. And the sorrow came back twofold. "Pretend."
Christmas Day was a whirlwind.
Bella spent the morning with her father. They didn't exchange gifts; it wasn't something they usually did, and this year wasn't anything special. Instead, they had a very long and lazy breakfast by their little fake tree that had an entirely mismatched color scheme.
Edward came by in the late afternoon just as the sky was beginning to darken. He was wearing a dark knit sweater, and looked dashing standing in the doorway. Instead of the butterflies that usually swarmed her belly, her stomach dropped with alarm.
Bella didn't want him to linger in the house, especially with Charlie chopping vegetables in the kitchen for his annual Christmas chowder he would prepare tonight.
"Tell your family Merry Christmas, Edward," her dad called. "And thank your mother again for all of the food she left yesterday."
"Will do, sir," Edward called back as he guided Bella outside.
The feel of his hand on the small of her back brought a wave of dread. Her back was tense with trepidation—as if a hard brush of his fingers would break skin, and she would lie dead in her front yard just seconds later.
The car ride to the Cullen home was silent. Bella squeezed her hands together on her lap, trying to will her fight-or-flight response to a standstill. Halfway there, she had a glaring, incredulous realization at how stupid this was.
There had to be a way to separate herself from the vampire beside her without risking her life. Edward had been unreasonable a handful of times, but not always. If she could convince him that they were simply not compatible, why shouldn't that be a solution?
A joyful Christmas station on the radio played tune after tune, and Edward's smile never left his lips. His head turned to her. "You're going to be blown away by the house."
"Am I?" She asked quietly.
"It's the most wonderful time of the year," he said cheerfully.
He was oblivious to her nerves, and Bella was grateful. Surely, he felt the beat of her heart and how it accelerated beyond baseline. Perhaps he attributed it to excitement.
Truthfully, there was nothing she wanted more than to be out of the car. The space felt constricting, and she felt hyper aware of her every movement. An accidental scratch, and she would bleed openly; a very unintended invitation to be sucked dry.
A swallow graced her throat when Edward pulled up on the driveway.
The Cullen Christmas was bright, expensive, and extremely unnecessary. Bella couldn't quite believe that they had accomplished such a feat in the time that they had returned from Alaska.
Red, white, and gold. Lights, ornaments, and figurines. Christmas had thrown up all over their enormous plot of land. Bella was convinced that any plane flying overhead would be able to make out their home with the amount of light that emanated from the property.
The holiday spirit followed her as she stepped through the front door. Inside, elegant sculptures and festive trees of every color imaginable adorned the hallways. Esme greeted them by their gigantic tree in the living room with a steaming cup in her hands. Bella didn't need to taste it to know it was hot chocolate, given the heaping pile of whipped cream on top. Carlisle joined them soon after, along with Emmett and Rosalie. Alice came down last.
For the next hour, Edward didn't leave her side. They sat together on the loveseat, right beside the tree that towered over them. The dining table was decorated with snowflakes and a long, blue table runner. Plates of food were laid out, but Bella was slightly relieved to see the familiar arrangement from yesterday. The uncut 18-pound turkey, though, was still a sight that made her nauseous. Maybe she could convince Esme to visit a food shelter on the regular.
Even though some of the courses were recycled from what Esme had brought over yesterday, the desert options were new and countless. On the perimeter of the dining table, there were little cakes with sprinkles, adorned with decorations of snowmen and igloos. On the coffee table, there were cookies—frosted sugar and chocolate chip. The kitchen island was littered with holiday confetti, dotted occasionally with colorful dishes filled with custards and puddings.
The excess made Bella's head spin.
Once her cup of hot cocoa was finished, Edward got her water, and then cookies, and then a huge plate of food. The dining was never ending, and in no particular order. Her appetite wasn't there, but she tried to eat. It appeared to delight Esme, and Bella felt strangely obligated to fuel her spirits, especially after that sharp shift in her disposition the previous day.
So, she took another bite. And then another. Her body was on autopilot, going through the motions. Perhaps it was the fear. Perhaps Edward constantly hanging over her right shoulder scared her enough to obey. To keep the spirits high. To pretend that everything was as it should be.
At some point, Edward left her side, and it was relief that soared through her as she watched him walk away towards the elevated platform. It wasn't long before the piano filled her ears, as Edward jazzed up the evening with holiday classics. Alice ended up pulling Bella from her seat and guiding her to sit beside him on the piano bench. Edward nudged her playfully, reaching in front of her to get to the higher keys.
The fireplace—fake, yet beautiful—crackled through its speakers as Edward played song after song. The Cullens didn't exchange gifts, which Bella wasn't surprised by. Money didn't have real value to them, and they could purchase anything they wanted regardless of the holidays.
Carlisle pulled Esme up for a dance, and then eventually, Emmett did the same with Rosalie. It was all so eerily normal. As if their son hadn't killed a woman months ago. As if she wasn't next.
As Carlisle spun Esme, Bella thought if Edward had also been through a similar Christmas with the girl before her.
Olivia.
Had she sat on a piano bench with Edward Cullen and let herself be whisked away by his gentle melodies? Had he shown the same gentlemanly restraint—letting a kiss be their limit, bordered by conversations of boundaries and marriage? Had Olivia known the mistakes she was making?
Had she tried to get out?
Had she even known that Edward and his unsettling family were vampires?
And then, she felt herself slump against Edward. He turned his head to her, curious, as he let her lean against him. A blanket fell over her as her heart rate began to slow, and her thoughts grew faint, and almost absent.
She knew and recognized this feeling quickly, and her eyes found the culprit near the curtains across the room. Jasper's eyes were directed to the slit between the curtains as he looked outside.
How had she not noticed him before? Had he been standing there long?
He must have felt it all, she realized. She was probably freaking out in a room of vampires who could easily predict her surface-level emotions. Just the cadence of her pulse and the hue of her skin gave her away.
As quickly as the blanket of calm was wrapped around her, it was pulled away—as if it were just a gentle reminder for her to stop losing her mind. Taking a deep breath, she scooted away from Edward and automatically gave him a little smile. He returned it, and turned his attention back to the keys.
When she looked back over to Jasper, his eyes were directed at her.
The tingle she felt in her wrists was certainly psychosomatic.
And then, he was gone.
The frown on her lips was small, but noticeable. Esme came by with bright eyes, handing her a glass of wine. "It's finally late enough for this, isn't it?"
Bella nodded, thanking her.
"Edward, I'd like to steal Bella for a second," Alice said as she offered Bella a hand. Uncertainly, she accepted, and Alice had her sit back on the loveseat. Edward's fingers stopped dancing on the piano, and he turned to face the room.
In her long burgundy dress, Alice looked simply stunning.
"Now, I know that we said no gifts," she began, batting her eyelashes lightly. "But I will have no arguments about this."
She produced an elegant velvet box and placed it directly on Bella's lap, grabbing the glass of wine in exchange.
Before Bella could even argue, Alice repeated strongly, "No arguments."
The box felt heavy and entirely too luxurious as she ran a hand down the top. When she looked up, all eyes were on her, and she immediately felt a prey-like swallow run down her throat. Golden stares tracked her as she lifted up the top, willing her hands to stay stable and calm.
It was a necklace. Silver, white gold, or platinum—she didn't have the eye or expertise to tell, but the sizable pendant that hung from the chain grabbed all of her interest.
Forehead wrinkled, she examined it and concluded that it looked very familiar. The lattice pattern that surrounded its exterior seemed regal, and the fierce image of the lion at the very center looked like it was on fire. The banner of clubs at the bottom, right beneath the animal reminded her of…
She looked up instantly. Carlisle's ring.
Bella hadn't closely examined it before, but Carlisle seemed to always make a point of touching it in conversation. Yes, this was the emblem on his ring.
The entire room was quiet as she unhooked the necklace from its straps in the gift box. And then, Alice was seated right beside her, her eager eyes first on the necklace, and then her. Slowly, her nimble hands took it from her, grinning delightfully. "This, Bella," she began proudly, "is the Cullen Crest."
And when Bella watched Alice as she admired it in her hands, she saw the bracelet that hung on her wrist with the same fiery lion. She felt it brush her shoulder as Alice placed the necklace around her neck—the weight of the amulet cold and harsh against her chest. After clasping it at the back, Alice gripped her shoulders and held her at arm's length.
Her smile was pleased as she handed back the glass of wine.
Edward, still at the piano, had a fond look on his face. "It looks lovely on you, Bella."
Bella tentatively reached up to touch it, meeting the stares of the rest of the family. Even the sneer on Rosalie's face was replaced with indifference.
Finding her voice, and her politeness, she addressed Alice, "Thank you."
"No, thank Carlisle," she told her warmly, her eyes darting to him.
Carlisle smiled at Bella. "You've always been part of the family. Ever since Edward brought you home, you've been one of us."
It was such a nice thing to say, wasn't it? It should be pleasant to be invited and accepted by an entire family.
But beside Carlisle, Esme wouldn't meet her gaze. It was as if she were off in her own world, not quite present at all. She was fixated on a spot on the tree, towards the lower branches, not looking at anything in particular. Her smile was constant, but tense. And when Carlisle put a hand on the small of her back, there was a hardness to her face, as if she were frozen in ice—permanently, and painfully smiling.
Edward was in front of her now, offering his hand. Placing her wine down, she took it and was pleasantly surprised to feel that her arm remained in its socket as she was pulled up. He twirled her, letting her necklace twinkle among the festive, colored lights.
He spun her once more and pulled her into a hug. And over his shoulder, back at the same spot he had been before, Jasper stood. His attention was entirely on her. Though his expression was unreadable, Bella didn't miss the slight shake of his head as his gaze dipped down to the necklace, and then back up to her face.
She didn't need to hear him say it.
She could feel his disapproval just from the way his crimson eyes burned into the emblem.
Edward wasn't happy about it, and Bella never expected him to feel any differently given the news of Renee and San Francisco. But he hadn't fought her too hard when she told him that she would be leaving tomorrow.
Bella had a suspicion that he'd already known of her decision.
She had called her mom on Christmas evening—following the sickeningly sweet and bright Cullen Christmas—and Phil immediately proceeded to purchase a roundtrip flight to San Francisco, California.
Getting on a plane and flying far away from Edward Cullen felt like a bandaid solution at best, and Bella accepted that. She wasn't fixing her problems—she was just delaying their resolution.
And now, the very morning after Christmas, she was boarding a plane to run away. Only when she settled into her seat did she finally feel like she could breathe.
The Cullen amulet… crest… or whatever it was—she had left abandoned in her jewelry box in her bedroom. It felt too pricey for her to wear it anywhere, and the look on Jasper's face had definitely been a bad omen.
And weirdly, she felt guilty for it. The Cullen Crest obviously signified a familial bond, and she didn't feel deserving of such a sentiment given that there was not a chance she would ever be a Cullen. Marrying Edward was out of the question, and the fact that the Cullens seemed to be so… convinced of the fact was bizarre. Had Alice truly seen it? Was Edward going to propose?
She would say no. How would she not say no?
When her plane touched down, she stepped out into the cool, foggy Bay Area with an even foggier brain. The crisp air woke her up and blew at her relentlessly as she waited outside the airport. A car was honking, advancing in her direction. She approached it, pulling her carry-on luggage and bracing herself for the wild storm that was her own mother.
Renee ran out from the car and greeted her with hugs and kisses as Phil waved enthusiastically from the driver's seat. Soon, she was tucked away into a warm car, and they were on the way to the grand Palace Hotel.
"It's been years since we've done this!" Renee exclaimed from the passenger seat of their rental car. She lowered her voice conspiratorially, "And if anyone asks, you're basically twenty-one."
"Basically?"
"Well, mentally, you're about thirty-five."
"Thanks, mom."
When they got to the hotel, Renee directed Bella to her very own room, equipped with a mini-bar that her mother encouraged her to devour—alcohol and all—and a coffee machine that looked way too expensive. The massive king bed in the center was inviting as she launched herself into the sheets. Renee joined her.
"I'm the fun parent, aren't I?" She sighed happily.
"Sure."
"You mean it? If not, we're taking a shot right now."
Bella understood exactly how the next few days would go.
Edward called her every few hours. Where was she? What was she doing? Who was she with? Still, dealing with him hundreds of miles away was infinitely easier than trembling with fear in his presence.
This couldn't go on. There was no way. Her relationship wasn't a relationship.
No matter how many times he told her missed her or loved her, Bella's response was always the same.
Thanks.
Maybe if she played it cool, he would eventually realize that she wasn't interested. That was better than directly breaking up with him, right? Perhaps he would kill her a little less painfully if he just got bored of her.
It was the night before New Year's Eve, and it was their fourth night going out in a row. Renee claimed that they had to build up their endurance for the main event tomorrow night.
Their mornings were filled with lavish breakfasts at the hotel. In the afternoons, they acted like tourists in the big city, and in the evenings, they ventured out into the night life. Phil and his team joined them for the nighttime activities, and they would hop from spot to spot, until they'd ultimately end up in a random fast-food joint at three in the morning, all congregated at the counter looking to chase off their case of drunchies.
It was around four in the morning now, and Renee burst into Bella's room with Phil, blurting the lines of Hotel California at an inappropriate volume. Bella got up from the vanity and ushered them in, quietly shutting the door behind her. She had been in the middle of scrubbing off her makeup.
Renee kept singing as she lowered herself onto the ground, flailing her arms about to the beat of her singing. Phil sat beside her, watching his wife, and grinning like an absolute idiot. Eventually, Renee crawled over to Bella, who sat at the vanity, blotting cotton balls on her eyes.
Renee leaned her head against her daughter's calf. "I am so happy you're here."
Bella was entirely sober at that point, unlike her mother. "Yeah?"
She snuggled into her leg. "Absolutely. You're my favorite daughter."
"Favorite, and only."
"That's right, my sweet girl."
And then, Bella's phone began to buzz on the vanity top. She glanced over at the screen, and instantly straightened at the name.
"Oh," Renee said with a grand smile. "It's him! What was his name? Edwin?"
"No, mom, it's—"
"He's rich, right? I think you told me he was loaded."
"Renee," Phil scolded, standing up and then gathering his wife. "We'll leave you to it, Bella."
"Goodnight!" Renee exclaimed and let her husband drag her out of the room.
The moment the door clicked shut, Bella quickly answered the phone. "Hi."
"Bella," the voice said, and Bella anticipated the goosebumps on her arms before they came. She shivered, sitting back down on the stool by the vanity.
"Hi, Jasper."
"You don't sound asleep."
"No, we don't tend to sleep here," she murmured.
"Sleepless in San Francisco," came his voice—low, and inviting.
She stared out from her windows, vaguely making out the Golden Gate Bridge, and laughed. "Wrong place. I think you're thinking of Seattle."
She had texted Jasper when she had first gotten to her room a few days ago, letting him know that she was in California. He hadn't responded to that text.
"When are you coming back?" He asked, and she could hear a quick burst of air.
"I fly in late New Year's Day."
Another burst of air. Bella guessed that Jasper was running. Eventually, the elements settled down, and he quipped, "Don't you think that it's a little inconsiderate that you would take away my blood supply?"
Oh shit. Bella stood up quickly. "Do you need blood?"
"Yes, I sure do."
Bella counted on her fingers. It had been almost two weeks since he'd drank from her. "How long can you go between feedings?"
"Longer than this. Another week would be pushing it." She heard the sound of running water. "But I just fought off three nomads."
"Oh my god." Bella placed a hand over her mouth. "Are you okay?"
He ignored her question. "When are you back?"
She winced. "In two more days." There was a deep sigh on the phone, and Bella quickly asked, "Can you find blood?"
"I can wait."
"Are you sure? Well, what about—how long would it take for you to come here? Let's see, it would be about a half a day to drive…"
There was a tinge of regret in his tone. "I can't, Bella."
"You could probably run it in just a couple hours, couldn't you?"
"Yes."
She started pacing with a sudden burst of… excitement? "Great! If you start running now, you'll probably be just in time for me to wake up." She looked around the hotel room, searching for a room service menu. "Though I really should eat, huh? Champagne probably doesn't make for good blood."
"Bella," he started, and the silence lingered for a while. The sigh that came from the phone was aggravated. "Go to bed."
"Are you coming?"
"No. What time will you be back on New Year's Day?"
Disappointment laced her tone. "I should be home by 8 PM."
"Eat before then. Fruits, leafy greens. Water. Lots of it."
"Right. Got it." Bella sighed, spinning around an empty champagne bottle on the bedside table. "Are you hurt too badly?"
"Nothing dire."
"I'm sorry that I'm not there. Am I voiding our contract?"
Distant amusement found its way into his voice. "Maybe. There's an imbalance. I can't take what I need, yet you can ask away."
"You can take what you need, Jasper. You only need to run for a few hours."
That was when he fell quiet, like he always did. But before she could press, he pressed instead, "Why did you run away, Bella?"
Her voice was small. "I wanted to see my mom."
And he saw right through it. "You're brave—running from a vampire."
"I'm not trying to run away. I was invited." Bella looked up at the dark night, the moonlight beaming through the windows. "I'm just… scared. I'm really, really scared."
Jasper was silent yet again, and it was mildly irritating with the fear suddenly pounding through her chest.
"The Cullens have crowned you," he said after a time. "They would be stupid to let Edward kill you now."
"You're talking about the necklace."
"I'm talking about their crest. Do you see what's happening here?"
Unconsciously, her hand came up to rest on her chest. "They want me to marry Edward and take his last name." She paused with a swallow. The next words didn't come out as confident as she would have liked. "It's a shame. That necklace looked expensive."
When Jasper didn't respond, Bella suggested quietly, "You should come and take a break from the Cullens. God knows I needed it."
He sighed dejectedly. "It's all really a shame, isn't it Bella?" And then, his tone was sharp. "Enjoy your break. Goodnight."
The last few days had been ones filled with blissful ignorance. Between the alcohol and the New Year's cheer, Bella's mind had solely been focused on swaying endlessly to music, taking way too many pictures of dim-lit clubs, and devouring overpriced San Francisco cuisine. The escape took her mind off of vampires.
Though as she had walked in the cold, early morning streets with a whole group of partygoers, she couldn't help but feel the chill settle in her bones. Her eyes would dart to dark alleys and she would feel a sense of caution as she searched for unusual eyes. There were more vampires than just the ones she knew. Why shouldn't they be out on the prowl?
But she never saw anything out of the ordinary.
When Renee and Phil dropped Bella off at departures around noon on New Year's Day, there were tears. Renee hugged her daughter close, as if she were the single most important thing in the world. And she was. But only for that moment.
Bella knew her mother. If it wasn't in front of her, it didn't matter. When she got on her flight—out of sight, out of mind—she knew with absolute, solemn certainty that she wouldn't hear from her for at least the next month.
Bella drank enough water on the 2-hour flight home that she had to get up and pee four times.
Her father picked her up from the airport, and the moment he turned the car onto their street, her nerves began firing up.
She had maybe a minute to herself after she shut her bedroom door. She felt her muscles tense at the shift in the air. Realistically, she should have been watching out for Edward. But all thoughts of Edward dissipated the moment she saw Jasper standing by her window. It was early evening, and Forks was cool and damp. There was rain in his hair.
And the look on his face stilled her as she greeted him with a small, "Hi."
The red in his eyes was almost a maroon. "Tell me you've eaten."
She stepped forward cautiously. "I have."
He watched her like a lion watched an antelope. "Water."
"More than enough," she confirmed, the hesitation in her voice evident. "Are you—"
"Bella, I'm starving," he rasped. He was stalking towards her. "Tell me yes."
Instinctively, she took a step back. "Yes—?"
And then, they collided.
Her back hit something hard—her bedroom wall. Jasper had pinned her right arm above her head, and gripped her left hand beside her.
He left no time for thought. She gasped against his chest as she felt his teeth tear through the delicate skin on her wrist. The initial sting, as always, faded quickly, and then all she could feel was the rapid rise and fall of her breaths.
She felt his hand squeeze hers tighter, and she was reminded of its purpose. Hadn't he also wanted her eyes open? But her vision fluttered to a close as she felt Jasper slip into a rhythm. She barely registered his hand in her grip as she let herself be lulled into his pace.
Back and forth, and back and forth, she felt Jasper sway as he drew from her. He smelled like tall, overbearing trees. A fresh breeze. She inhaled deeply, and let her head fall back to the wall. The haze began to set in as her mind blanked—void of thoughts and feelings. She was simply present.
His hand squeezed hers once more—demanding, almost, for her to pay attention. But she slipped her hand away and rested it on his lower chest, unable to truly fathom this creature of the night. She could feel the lack of heat through his shirt, and she couldn't find a heartbeat. How bizarre this all was. How strange, this creature of the night, claiming her life source as his.
Grabbing onto her hand once more, she felt him unlatch his teeth and shift away from her wrist. She leaned more firmly against the wall, determined to stay up straight.
"Open your eyes."
And so, she did, and her vision tunneled. Immediately, Jasper lifted her from her feet—an arm beneath her knees, and another cradling her back. His body felt hard and unforgiving against her until she fell into softness. Her bed.
With an odd smile on her lips, she savored the transition, curling into her blanket.
"Let me see you," she heard him say, and then felt cold fingers on her neck, her pulse thrumming wildly beneath his touch. The sound of scratchy tape filled the room as he wrapped her wrist.
"Open your eyes." When she peeked them open, his scrutiny continued. "You didn't eat enough. You shouldn't be this tired."
Her words were barely a murmur. "Maybe you were just really hungry."
"I am aware of how much I took."
Her wrist tingled, and it wasn't unpleasant. She peeked at him, feeling her bandaged wrist with her fingers. "Are you healing properly? "
When he didn't respond, Bella crawled up to sitting. If she squinted hard enough, she could see the cracks that had climbed up from the top of his shirt, and onto his neck. But with each passing glance, they seem to fade.
"Is that all?" She asked, her fingers reaching out tentatively to feel, but she stopped herself when she met Jasper's gaze.
He pulled at the collar of his shirt, exposing more skin towards his right shoulder. The cracks were more pronounced there, but still actively healing.
"Three nomads?" She questioned, and then her voice lowered. "Are they dead?"
He gave her one firm nod. "The Cullens don't like to be bothered. Carlisle gave the kill order soon after Emmett came upon them."
"Why? What did they do?"
"They got too close. Vampires are inherently territorial."
Bella slowly laid her head down to her pillow. "They had to die because they overstepped into Cullen territory?"
"They were warned, and they chose to ignore it." He lifted his chin. "Unless you're invited, you are a threat." He went over to her window and took one look outside. "You should expect him soon."
Edward.
Bella groaned, cradling her wrist beside her. "Tell him he's not invited. And that therefore, he's a threat."
Jasper came forward and laid down a small roll of medical tape and a small stack of bandages beside her. Then, he reached down and pulled on her sleeve, covering her wrist. She looked up at him as she felt a pleasant jolt run up her arm.
"Thank you for the blood," he murmured quietly.
Before Bella could respond, a buzz filled the room. Jasper reached into his pocket and glanced once at the screen.
The room spun when she pushed herself up, her heart in her throat. "Alice?"
"Yes. Air out this room. Edward will be by in a few hours." His eyes lingered on her wrist. "You've already stopped bleeding, and the venom will seal the wound. Replace the bandage within the next half an hour."
She watched him, frustration evident on her forehead. She couldn't give a damn about the bite at that moment. "What do I do? With Edward, what do I do?"
"What do you do?" He considered. "Nothing. You can't do a thing—not as a human." And then, he smirked at her. "Though I suggest you take a shower. Edward's going to be very confused if all he can smell on you is me."
A/N: This chapter: An unsettling Christmas, running away from your problems, and a more... needy feeding.
Can I get a round of applause for my BETA, glowingivy, who got through all 8K words in record time?
A little taste for what's coming up:
"Ask me if you have a choice."
She shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes.
"Ask me, Bella."
See you next week.