Bella dozed in and out of sleep. It was mid-day by the time she finally woke up enough to realize that her thigh was tightly bandaged. There were bottles of water and take-out containers by the bedside. Noting her dry mouth, she uncapped a water bottle and drank heavily.

She was about to reach for the food when Jasper appeared by the bed. Silently, he handed her the plastic container she was reaching for. Upon opening, she found grilled chicken sprawled over rice.

"Let me look at you," he said, sitting on the bed. Bella placed the food beside her and properly faced him. She felt tired, and a little disoriented. The sunlight streaming through the windows told her it was probably around mid-day. She was still in the same robe as this morning, and the belt appeared to be tied tighter than what she remembered.

Jasper's serious eyes assessed her wellbeing, his fingers on her jaw as he turned her head this way and that.

"Open your mouth." And she did. His hands felt down her neck. "Close and swallow." He placed a hand on the side of her ribs. "Deep breath."

As she breathed in, she watched him. "Am I okay, Jasper?"

"Do you feel okay?"

She smiled at him, at the concern on his face. "Nothing worse than a regular feeding. Better, I'd say." Though she couldn't help the yawn. "I should probably eat something."

"And if you need to sleep more, you should."

Bella grabbed the box of food and crawled out of bed. She paused at the moment of dizziness, and at the way the bandages stretched against her skin. "Will you come downstairs with me? I'd rather eat at a table." She grinned. "Also, you forgot the utensils."

Jasper got up, his expression yielding to the tease. "Human etiquette has evolved so delicately. Did you know that some cultures still eat with their hands?"

She didn't. "I do like a good fork."

"I think you need to be more open-minded." He placed a hand at the small of her back, guiding her out of the room. "Maybe it'll be good practice to forgo human delicacies. In a few months, you won't even have to use your hands."

As they climbed down the stairs, Bella laughed. "You're saying I should just stick my face into the chicken? Test out my teeth?"

Jasper disappeared into the kitchen when Bella sat at the table, opening the take-out container. He returned with a fork. "It would be a practice of cleanliness more than anything. Blood is a messy stain." He placed the utensil down before her. "The art of the bite won't come naturally to you. You'll burst the jugular wide enough that it will spray, and you won't seal the flow tightly enough with your lips. You'll come back from your first real feeding looking like Carrie."

Bella began eating, and as she took a bite of chicken, she found it a little nauseating. "That probably doesn't bode well for exposure."

He sat at the chair beside her. "No, which is why your first few feedings will be supplied to you. Blood bags are the new initiation technique for newborns instead of letting them run wild."

"Carlisle will get me human blood?"

"Yes, he has to. Animal blood will not satisfy you. Not at first, and realistically, not ever."

Bella put down her fork. "If blood-talk makes me lose my appetite, it's a sure sign that I'll make a terrible vampire."

"No, it's just an evolutionary fear reflex." He casually grabbed her hand, thumb running over her fingers. "Anything that causes you to lose blood is a threat, and your body should prepare you for fight or flight."

"I lose blood to you. Should I be afraid of you?"

"I don't know." He smiled. "Are you afraid of me, Bella?"

She looked down at their hands. "There's nothing about you that scares me."

Letting go of her hand, he pulled her chair closer until her shoulder bumped against his. "Nothing at all?"

"Nothing."

He carefully brushed her hair away from her neck, letting his hand rest at the base, thumb carressing the sensitive skin above her jugular. There was a distant look in his eyes. "Finish eating."

Bella glanced over at the food that was now a few paces away. "It's distracting when you touch me."

"I'm not doing anything."

"Nothing at all?"

It felt like a promise every time his fingers caressed her skin. "Nothing."

The desk was another thing that was distracting.

The mind naturally wandered, and every time Bella's elbow brushed over the edge of the desk, she thought of her own fingers curling over it in pleasure. She didn't feel any embarrassment for it, not even when she noticed Jasper's attention shift to her, likely due to the cadence of her heartbeat, or scent—something Bella still didn't quite understand.

She sipped at some plain black tea as she flipped another page of the Tome. The sun was due to set at any moment, and she noted that she had spent most of yet another day here in the Cullen home instead of with her father.

"I should really go home," she said, more to herself.

Jasper was roaming the library with a book in his hands. He didn't look up. "You should finish that chapter. You've barely started."

"Just tell me you want me to stay," she teased.

"There are a lot of things I want, Bella." He snapped his book shut. "One of them is for you to fully understand what you'll be going through with your change."

She fully understood that it was going to hurt. A lot. The section she had just started reading was detailing the pain thresholds of the process. Comparable to being burned alive was a description she had hoped to not come across. But alas, there it was.

Jasper must have noticed her hesitation. "Ask me questions."

Bella skipped ahead a few paragraphs, where the text began going into the duration and speed of the change. "It says that the process can last anywhere between one and three days. The dosage of venom impacts the transformation time. It has been found that there is a direct, linear correlation between the amount of venom in the human's body, and the pain they experience." She looked up at him. "The faster I turn, the more I hurt?"

"Correct."

"Will Carlisle know how much venom he'll give me when he bites me?"

"No, which is why he likely won't bite you. It would be very difficult to dose you optimally with a bite. Ideally, he will inject you with his venom based on a precise calculation of your body weight and tolerance. Your transformation will fall in the happy medium—not too long, and not too painful. It will all be controlled."

No matter how controlled, it failed to relieve her nerves. She was only partially joking when she asked, "Are there any drug interactions with sedatives? Maybe Carlisle can just knock me out and I won't have to think about it."

Jasper came by and glanced at the Tome. "Carlisle will make this as comfortable for you as he can."

"I'm assuming Carlisle's way isn't the standard protocol for this? Are the Cullens once again making an art out of something meant to be gruesome and scary?"

A corner of his lip tilted up. "It's certainly not supposed to be a medical procedure. Nothing about it is meant to be clean, or orderly." He glanced at her. "I was bitten and left to burn on grass and dirt. I woke to the night sky, and then devoured half of a small village. It's messy, impulsive…" His gaze cut to her. "And undoubtedly violent."

Bella could hardly imagine him so out of control. And his behavior then was only acceptable because the exposure laws hadn't been as strict. No internet and poor communication meant freedom for creatures who killed for a full belly.

She toyed with the edge of the page, her eyes lifting to him. "So, three days."

"At most."

"So, we'd have enough time."

"We?"

She shrugged, a little hesitant. "If you were to turn me, this would be the perfect time to do it. We'd have enough time afterwards for us to complete the mating ritual, and—"

He cut in immediately, as she expected. "And Carlisle would immediately alert Aro. The mating bond, he can't do anything about. But he sees the sire bond as his personal right."

She felt a flash of anger at that. And disgust. "Would you do it if Carlisle let you?"

"If he let me?" The idea seemed ridiculous to him.

Bella knew it was silly. But the fantasy was too appealing. "Would you?"

"Your heart is beating very fast."

She took a deep breath, and smiled. "Don't avoid the question."

He fell quiet, but only for a moment. "I would turn you right now, Bella. I would have done it the moment I signed our contract. Waiting only invites complications." He wasn't looking at her. "But you aren't mine to turn. The orders aren't mine to give."

"Complications?"

"Too many. Every second that you remain human is a risk."

Because she could be killed easily? "I'm not that fragile, Jasper."

"You're young. The chances of something going wrong biologically are very slim, but not impossible." He looked out at the closed curtains, and then back to her. "Human emotion has inflammatory properties. Stress damages you more than you realize, and it—" He paused, a distinct hardness to his eyes. "It scares me that you will either fall sick with something dire, or you'll hurt yourself beyond repair."

One of Jasper's hands rested on the edge of the desk. Bella placed hers on top of his. "The venom would repair, right?"

"Only if you're alive when it enters your system."

She took his hand, cradling it between both of hers. There was something undoubtedly precious about his fear. It made Bella wonder how deep his feelings really ran. It made her wonder about hers.

"Don't worry," she told him, squeezing slightly. "I'll be dead soon."

His attention switched to their hands, and Bella got the sense that she knew what he was thinking.

Not soon enough.

The silence stretched between them as Jasper seemed to recede into himself. It was something she noticed that he did quite frequently.

Bella got up and turned around, quickly scooting herself onto the desk. It wasn't as scandalous compared to when she had been clad in a mere robe, but the movement still seemed to grab Jasper's attention. Eventually, she asked, "What do you think about when you go quiet like that?"

He sat at the chair she had just occupied, his knees brushing her tennis shoes. "What do you?"

"That's not fair."

"You shield your emotions from me, and that's fair?" He was teasing her with a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "I've been at a disadvantage the moment you developed that shield."

"Just ask me like a regular person. I'll tell you anything you want to know."

"The point of my gift is that I don't have to ask." He rested a hand on her ankle. "Asking shows interest. Interest reveals your hand."

"What hand?" She demanded, laughing. "Don't play games with me. You don't have to."

"Alright," he said, tapping on her skin. "How did you feel with my head between your legs?"

"Do you even have to ask?"

"Yes."

She rested her weight on two hands behind her. "It was everything I imagined and more." She smirked at him. "And if I'm this exhausted after a mere orgasm, sex might just kill me."

He studied her with red eyes that held a moment of intensity. It was hard to look away from. "That's exactly how I would do it."

"Kill me?"

"Change you." He watched his own fingers as they wrapped around her ankle. "I wouldn't have to care about the amount of venom leaking into your bloodstream. I wouldn't have to think about bruising you. You would heal, just as long as your heart kept beating my venom throughout your body."

Bella swallowed. "You'd bite me during sex. To change me."

"Well, I will bite you regardless." A promise. He looked up at her. "But if I could change you, I would do it then. You'd barely feel any pain until the venom completely consumed you."

She was leaning so far towards him, she was sure she'd topple over. "Where would you bite me?"

"Everywhere." He got up, and Bella didn't feel a glimmer of shame for how her thighs parted for him. He stood between her legs as he had the evening before. There was just another layer of jeans between them this time around. "I'd need to bite you as much as I can to ensure I give you the critical amount of venom needed."

She grabbed onto his arm, trying to pull him closer. "Show me."

He laughed. "No."

"Jasper."

"You need to heal." He pressed his fingers to her inner thigh where he had bitten. The wound was quite clearly sore.

"Did you know that women can have multiple orgasms within a twenty-four hour period?" She fixed him with a look. "And you don't have to bite me."

"But I'll want to."

"You don't have to. You have more self-control than anyone I've ever met."

"But this is different." He pressed his forehead against hers. "This. You. I can actually have you."

And he did have her. Was that so hard to tell?

Bella pressed her lips to his, feeling that contentment radiate throughout her body. The kiss was simple and sweet and beautiful. It was everything she wanted, but also not enough.

An odd disquiet fell heavy on her chest when she pulled away. "I don't want them to come back."

"We have to see this through, Bella."

She closed her eyes, desperately trying to hold onto the moment. This moment. "You and me. It's simple. It works."

But Jasper was too much of a realist for his own good. The present wasn't a luxury he gave himself. His existence relied solely on his constant analysis of the past, and his meticulous planning for the future.

He reached to the right, below the desk. The drawer opened, and he pulled out their contract. Their mating one. "This has to go away."

Because her shield couldn't be trusted during her change.

A candle was lit nearby, and Bella grabbed the contract before Jasper could bring it to the flame. "Promise me that you will do this. Promise me that you won't leave me to be a slave to Carlisle's order for the rest of my life."

He watched her. "I can't save you from the sire bond, but I can promise you that it will fade."

She clutched the paper tighter, crumpling it in her grip. The distress constricted her lungs. "Promise me that you will complete the mating ritual. With me."

Carefully, Jasper plucked the contract from her hand. She finally felt the sting only after her fingers relaxed. A silly, stupid paper cut.

Jasper grasped at her fingers, smearing the blood on his palm. He examined it like it was some sort of organic art. "I don't need a piece of paper to tell me that I want you as my mate." His attention was on her bleeding forefinger. "And I don't need a mating bond to tell me that I want you." His eyes lifted to hers. "But what I do need is for you to do better."

Bella's heart was beating wildly. "Better?"

"Have you communicated at all with Edward recently?"

She looked down at her empty ring finger that rested in his grip. "No, not really."

"A fake future is hard. A blank one is harder. If your shield falls during your transformation, Alice still needs to think that you'll be chained to Edward for eternity."

She averted his gaze. She hated this. "I know, Jasper."

"You know, but you don't wear his ring half the time. And when you do, you hardly acknowledge his existence."

She shook her head, the bitterness taking control. "I'm sorry if it's hard to show affection for a man that I clearly hate."

"You need to craft your fake future. I can't do that for you."

"Or Alice just leaves us the hell alone." She sighed heavily, grabbing a fistful of his shirt and pulling him closer. There was a little blood stain where she touched him. "I'm sorry." She tried to wipe it off, but it probably made it worse. Frustrated, she dropped her hand, glaring at his chest. "You're also never there. Every time I have to see him, you disappear."

"Yes." He narrowed his eyes at her. "Do you know why?"

Bella scooted closer to the edge and hopped down to the ground before him. "You have dangerously scandalous thoughts about me on this desk?"

He stepped into her, a leg in between hers. "I have dangerously scandalous thoughts about tearing your fiancé to bits."

"Have you considered anger management?"

"I've considered decapitation."

It was hard to fight her smile. "Just admit that you can't stand it, Jasper."

"What will that change?"

On her tip-toes, she pressed her lips to his throat.

A/N: *crickets*

A taste for what's coming up:

The three of them in Jasper's library—it felt deceitful.

Esme was seated at one of the armchairs facing the room, right at the feet of those tall curtains. There wasn't a smile plastered on her face. It was more of a grimace, as she appeared deep in thought. Bella noted the wrinkle at the hem of her blouse.

Deceitful wasn't the right word for it, she realized. The masks were off. This was real.

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