Episode 19: The House Always Wins
We're back, everyone! Apologies for the wait. One thing led to another, but it's done nonetheless.
TheSupeMan: Ohhh, he's plotting alright! And Yami went out like the badass he is.
1602jaw: I bet you are excited. I love Cuphead. I'd say Yami had quite a bit of time in the story to flex his skills and personality.
Thenewsubwayguy: Many thanks, man. Really glad you liked Vox Machina, they were an absolute treat to write. And you've hit nail on the head when it comes to Chubzworth. Perhaps there's more to him we've yet to see…
PineCoop: Chubz is more than an ass. He's a bloody psycho with no sympathy, empathy, or morals. A combination like that is terrifying.
ThelastCyberKnight: Glad I tempted you to check out another show. Feels nice when I know I'm getting people into new things. And you guys wouldn't let me hear the end of it if Yami really did die anyway.
Happiness studios: Well…. I'm glad you liked it, despite the flaws you may see. No way was Yami dying here. Though to rest of the contestants whore left, they still believe he's gone. Hopefully today's adventure will excite you even more.
Chillsummer: Huh, didn't know you originally thought Ryu was the protagonist. Yami made the most sense here to cut loose. And yes, we are going to the world of Cuphead today!
With all of that out of the way, today's episode will get red hot! And begin!
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(Hell)
We now move back to Maynard, still inside the mysterious chapel. Slowly, the demon walks down a set of stairs, the voices he hears.
"Please don't be a rapist priest. Please don't be a rapist priest. Please don't be a rapist priest." Maynard whimpers.
As soon as he reaches the bottom of the stairs, he sees a rusty crowbar laying on the damp floor. He quickly arms himself by picking it up. The only other thing that was in the room was a long, dark corridor. Do I dare go further?
Maynard's legs move without thinking, walking down the corridor. The pathway was cold and damp, water leaking from the ceiling. The further he walked, the closer the voices were, yet he couldn't make out what they was saying.
Okay, deep breaths, McMonster. Deep breaths.
After some more walking, he stops in front of a doorway covered by a large curtain. Before he steps through, he finally hears what the voices were saying.
"The time is nigh."
"His second coming will be glorious."
"I can't wait another fucking day!"
"Patience is a virtue! It applies to all but our Lord!"
Maynard takes a deep breath. He didn't want to go back out there and face the music with Brock, who was probably still looking for him. With a war cry, he hops through the curtain, crowbar in hand like a sword.
"DO YOUR WORST, SCRUBS!" He opened his eyes, and the sight before him was absolutely horrifying.
All across the room were paintings and photos….of none other than Chubzworth himself. In the center of the room was a large purple pentagram on the ground, with the biggest picture of the former overlord above it. All around it were demons in purple hoods, their mouths eerily slashed to mimic Chubz's Cheshire Cat smile.
"An outsider knows!" One of the demons hissed.
"Then I guess that saves us the effort of finding his next sacrifice!"
"W-what's going on here?!" Maynard said worriedly. "Why is the monster who killed me plastered all over the damn place?!"
Two demons disarm him and grab him by his arms, walking him towards the pentagram.
"What are you doing?! Let me go, dammit!"
"This was our lord's old residence here!" One answered. "His ideals are ours. We await his return one day so he may bring forth the world he desires!"
Maynard struggles to free himself, but it was pointless. "This isn't making sense! Let me go! I won't tell a soul about this place!"
"You won't!" They said, "because it's time to send him another offering!"
They throw him into the pentagram, and begin chanting something.
"Hanc oblationem sume in tributum, magister chaos! Ut eam servare risus wide snd beatus!"
Maynard gets up, but purple lightning surrounds him, preventing his escape.
"SOMEBODY SAVE ME!"
Katakuri busts through the wall, and sees the ceremony before him.
"Let him go, you punks!" Katakuri orders, aiming his trident at them. "Or you'll get a taste of angelic steel!"
"It's too late!" The demons say in unison. The ceremony is concluded. It can't be undone!"
"What?!" Maynard whimpers.
An explosion erupts in the room, Maynard's cries now a mere echo. The smoke clears, and Katakuri sees the former celebrity is now gone.
"What'd you do to him?!" He growls.
"We've sent an offering to our master." A demon answers. "He's no longer in this domain."
Katakuri draws his weapon again, his face appearing more monstrous. "Charlie is not going to be happy about this. Then you've left me no choice….you will all be purged for this!"
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We see our dear ol' reporter Zach, sitting in his RV outside a gas station, with a concerned look on his face. In his hands, he was reading the newest issue of News Right Meow. The main headline read: McMonster Dead Under Mysterious Circumstances. Reality Show Contestants Top Suspects.
"I know they'd never resort to killing him!" Zach groans. "I mean, yeah, there's been bad blood between them, but this is quite a jump to conclusions."
Coff, who was busy raiding the fridge, gives his own two cents.
"Is this just about the show, or are you upset Chokola got the one up on us?"
"I don't know…..both, maybe?!" Zach explains. "That cat's now a part of the show, and god only knows what he's putting them through! And the fat bastard had the time to publish this garbage! And the people are buying it!"
"Sounds like a skill issue." Coff jokes.
Suddenly, Zach's phone rings, and he sees it's his boss.
"Heya, Mr. Ginseng."
" Let's skip the formalities right now, Zach." Ginseng says with exasperation. " I take it you've read the latest Newz Right Meow?"
"Unfortunately…" Zach admits.
"Well, our sales have been plummeting ever since that incident with McMonster. People are turning to them for their news, as my company has been backing up Total Drama for quite some time now. Some of our shareholders have even turned coats to them. At this rate, I may have to lay people off…"
"We can't let that happen!" Zach cried. "I'm your number one reporter!"
"I don't wanna have to let you go either." Ginseng admits. "Hell, you're like a son to me. You're good at what you do. Your stories have captivated many countless times before. Which is why I need you to work your magic and come up with a story that'll not only beat Chokola to the punch, but outdo this recent story of his."
"Don't worry, sir. I'll do the absolute best I can do to save us!"
As soon as he gets off the phone, he faceplants into the steering wheel and groans.
"Maaaaan…..if I don't come up with something, my career is over!"
"Hey, I know what'll cheer you up." Coff tells him. "There's some old boomer having a tantrum inside the store right now. Over a breakfast sandwich. Would filming that be a worthwhile story?"
"I'm doomed……" Zach moans.
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In a deep, underground lair of some sort, we see an odd man playing on a piano while souls descend from above into a pit of fire. He was a man covered almost entirely in short black fur. He had pointed ears, heavily lidded yellow eyes, a tail with an arrow shaped tip, smoothed horns protruding from his head, with a pitchfork by his side.
He sang a song, with demons and simps of different shapes and sizes joining in as he jammed out a jazzy sounding tune on the piano.
"In case you ain't heard, I'm the Devil.
I'm real low down, not on the level.
They call me Old Scratch, Mr. S, the Big D.
I'm the king of the underworld. Yeah, it's great to be me.
Ho-di-llie doh-di-llie doh-di-llie doh.
Ho-di-llie doh-di-llie doh-di-llie doh.
Hee-di-llie hee-di-llie hee-di-llie hee!
Hee-di-llie hee-di-llie hee-di-llie hee.
I'm a real naughty boy, I'm sure you'll agree.
I get my kicks playing tricks on the locals.
They're easy marks, they're real dumb yokels.
But now folks, listen closely,
it's time I made a confession.
Collecting people's souls is my greatest obsession!"
His song is interrupted as he hears a knock at his door.
"WHAT?!" He snapped.
The Devil storms over and answers the door, only to be greeted by the wide grin of Chubzworth.
"Devil! My main man!" Chubzworth says gleefully.
"Chubzy!" the Devil responds with equal fervor. "It's been a hot minute since you last decided to stop by! Please, come inside!"
"Don't mind if I do!"
As Chubz walks inside, he sees the souls descending from aboveground. He grabs one, and chomps on it like you would an apple.
"Quite the haul this year, I must say!" The cat applauds. "I can tell my share of the spoils this year will be quite plentiful at this rate!"
"Business is booming as usual, Chubzy!" The Devil says proudly. "You have nothing to worry about. I assume there's another reason you're here, Chubzy? Poker night's not until Friday."
Chubz snaps his fingers and a table appears before them. "Yes, you're correct on that one. Ever the sharp one. In fact, I've got some different cards to show you."
He throws down a stack of tarot cards, each with pictures of the contestants.
"I've kept a close eye on this bunch of suckers for a while now." Chubz explains. "Until the time was right that a lot of power could fall into my grasp. Trouble follows them like a magnet.
He grabs the card with Barry's face on it. "First, we had the Chariot." The card burns away, and grabs Kronk's card. "Then Strength." He then grabs cards that had Bernadetta, Shermie, Ryu, Pete, and Yami one after the other.
"Temperance….the Lovers….. Magician….the Tower….and lastly, the Emperor."
"I'm….not sure I follow." The Devil said, confused. "I know you love tarot cards, but what is the meaning of this?"
"Take a look at the seven cards left on the table."
The Devil looks down, seeing the faces of the contestants left in the game.
"Justice….the Hermit….the Hanged Man….the Empress….the Hierophant….the Devil….and the Fool. These faces will be showing up at your casino here shortly. New suckers that will be drawn in by the prospect of your riches."
The Devil grins wickedly. "Oh, I do love it when naive mortals try their luck at my casino!"
"But let's not take their souls."
"WHAT?!" the Devil snapped.
Chubzworth grabs several more descending souls and shoves them down his gullet in one motion.
"Nyahahanya, hear me out!" Chubzworth explains. "We'll let them have their winning streak, only to fail miserably. And once they realize their souls are on the line, we'll have them work for their freedom. The viewers will find it entertaining! "
"And what makes you think I'll agree to that?!" The Devil angrily asks. "You know how I run things here!"
Chubz's eyes begin to dilate and change colors. He increases in size, towering over the Devil. His abdomen opens up a large mouth of its own, filled with hundreds of sharp, saw-like fangs and a forked tongue sticking out. The second mouth begins to drool an acidic saliva that melts the ground. The Devil cowers in fear behind his pitchfork.
" REMEMBER, DEVIL! " Chubzworth growls. " YOU MAY BE THE LORD OF EVIL IN THIS DOMAIN, BUT I FAR OUTCLASS YOU! I NEVER GAVE YOU AN OPTION! REMEMBER THE REASON YOU STILL EXIST IS BECAUSE I ALLOW IT! NOW, ARE WE CLEAR?!"
The Devil gulps. "Crystal."
Chubz shrinks bank down, returning to normal. "Lovely. Glad we came to this understanding. I've already informed the manager of the casino of their arrival. You know, give them a warm welcome, butter them up, you get the gist. Let's give the people entertainment!"
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We see a portal open up, and our final seven contestants all scream as they fall through. They land rather roughly on the ground.
"Ooh….I think I just cracked my ass!" Panty groans.
Draco gets up and dusts himself off, but notices something weird: his hands looked way different. They were shaped more rounded and rubbery.
"What's happening?! Why do I look so…..weird?!"
"You look like something out of a 30's rubberhose cartoon!" Futaba said, gawking at him in awe. To Draco's surprise, so did she.
"I don't know what that means, but…so are you!"
"Funny…." Panty muses, seeing that all of them looked like something out of an old school cartoon. "I don't remember dropping acid."
"What does that have to do with our predicament?!" Draco snapped.
"You ever been on certain drugs during sex? The orgasms hit like a fucking moonshot!"
"If I'm a cartoon, that means I can do this!" Futaba says. She grabs her cheeks and stretches her face long and wide. She let's go, and….
BOIIIIIOIIIOIIING!
Her face bounces back and returns to normal; still cartoony, but as normal as it was before.
"Thank you toon force!"
"I don't get it." Percy says. "We didn't change like this in any other world we've been to. This one must be something special."
"I could honestly care less about our little art style change." Alucard growls. "The bigger question is where are we now?"
"Outta the way, punk!" Someone said, shoving them out of the way. "I'm feeling lucky today!"
They look around them, and see cartoony looking people walking past them in different directions, with some walking towards a large, castle-like casino that took up most of the landscape. People of different shapes and sizes were coming and going from it as they pleased.
"Whoo, mama!" Bender marvels. "Look at the size of this casino!"
" The Devil's Casino." Light says, reading a nearby sign. " Inkwell Hell's number one attraction. Where the lucky thrive, and the unlucky take a dive."
"Wait, we're in Hell?!" Panty exclaimed. "Or at least…a version of it, I think?!"
"What do you mean by that?" Draco asks.
"There's apparently many different versions of the afterlife across different worlds. Heaven, Hell, Purgatory, etc." Panty explains. "It's kinda a crapshoot which one you go to when you die."
"And you know this how?"
"Something I'd learned during my stay in Heaven. Still, I didn't think there was any with a fucking casino! You guys wanna head inside and have a look around?"
"I'll have to decline." Percy answers. "You just wanna go inside and gamble. Gambling is a nasty habit and addiction that has turned many destitute."
"C'mon, this place has gotta be where our next challenge is." Bender pleads. "Why else would we be dropped off here?"
"So…. this is something you muggles get up to for entertainment?" Draco asks.
"Some of us, at least." Futaba answers. "We Phantom Thieves actually had one of our heists take place in a casino."
"Hmph. Not surprising, coming from you." Light scoffs.
"Uh…. what's that supposed to mean?!" Futaba asked.
"Isn't it obvious?" Light responds smugly. "Your ragtag group of vigilante terrorists should know all about heists, among other crimes."
"We change the hearts of the wicked!" She protests. "I'd even had my heart changed by them before I joined! Not like I was some criminal beforehand, but we do good in the world! You slander us like we're murderers!"
"But you are." Light calmly retorts.
"Ohhhhhh shit." Panty quietly mutters to Alucard. "This is about to get good. TEAR INTO HIM, CHICA!"
"McMonster's death is proof of that." Light continues. " Who sent the calling card to him? Who tried changing his heart? It was you all. Yes, he was a piece of human scum, but even he didn't deserve the fate that happened to him. So quit your lying."
The hacker was now getting really mad, almost seeing red. "We are not murderers!" Futaba yells back. "You're the one that's nothing but a goddamn liar!"
"Futaba, I think it's about time you cease this tantrum of yours." Percy sternly tells her.
"Don't try and make this my fault! He's calling me a liar when he's been lying to all you since day one!"
An awkward silence fills the air as a crowd of people surrounded the cast.
"What on earth are you talking about?" Light asked innocently. His poker face remained unfazed.
Unfortunately, Futaba was so mad she just kept going. "He's a dirty liar that's deceived everyone from the very beginning! He is Kira!
Draco stood there, slack jawed at what she just said. He knew full well how devastating the consequences would be.
"For real?!" Panty exclaimed.
"Quit spouting lies about my friend, kid!" Bender snaps, getting up in Futaba's face. "I don't know what you've been smoking to make you come up with that, but knock it off!"
"I'm not lying!"
"You've been acting quite strange since we entered the Door-Mension." Percy says. "I don't know what you've been going through, but it gives you no right to blow up and take your frustrations out on Light!"
"There you two go, defending him again!" Futaba angrily continues. "He doesn't give a damn about either of you! Once you've outlived your usefulness, he'll drop you like yesterday's news! You are nothing more than a means to an end with him!"
Percy was about to protest this, but Light puts his arm in front of her and steps forward.
"C'mon, fight!" Someone in the crowd chants. "I wanna see some bloodshed!"
"Yeah!" Another chimes in. "Don't let that little shit talk to you like that!"
"Teens these days have quite the overactive imagination." Light chuckles. "I sympathize with what you're going through right now, Futaba. But I believe it's best if you stop with this fairytale nonsense, and focus on the game like the rest of us."
"You unbelievable bastard ." Futaba coldly responds. "Even now, you keep calm….. everyone around you is being swayed by your words! You're low down scum, you know that?!"
"Let me fill you in on a little tip that's helped me with dealing with people bullying me."
He leans in, and whispers into her ear.
"Consider yourself lucky that nobody believes you. Your little outburst wasn't enough to stop my plans. If you step out of line like that again…I'll put your adoptive father's name in the Death Note. And it'd be an absolute shame for you to become an orphan a second time. If you desire fire….do continue to stoke the flame."
Futaba gasps, and slowly backs away from him. She nearly falls on her back, but Panty catches her.
"Easy there, kid." She tells him. "You're as pale as a ghost.
Light gives her one last smug grin, then focuses his attention elsewhere. "Draco." he says, causing the young wizard to fearfully stand up straight. "You don't honestly believe a word of what she's saying…. do you?" Light shoots Draco a serious look, sending shivers down his spine.
Draco looks at Futaba, then back at Light. And he felt guilty for what he said next. "Not at all." he said a bit nervously. He hopes to God that Light wouldn't pick up on it. "That stupid muggle is probably just using this as a cry for attention. Probably because she's pissy about losing her friends in the game."
Light grins. "Glad to see you're not letting her get into your head."
"Gentlemen, gentlemen, there's no need to fight."
The crowd parts as a new face approaches the group. The man appeared to have a head that was a six sided die. He wore a lavender waistcoat, purple tailcoat, dark purple pants and bow tie, purple dress shoes and white dress gloves.
"You can all run along now." The man tells the crowd. "I'll handle this."
"Who the hell are you?" Bender asked.
The weird looking man clears his throat. "Where are my manners? I am King Dice, manager of this casino, and the Devil's right hand man. It's an honor to finally meet you all, for we've been expecting you."
Expecting us?" Alucard said skeptically.
"Ohh, yes!" King Dice said cheerfully. "We were notified of your all's arrival not too long ago, and I just had to welcome you as our VIPs."
"Wait….did you say VIPs?!" Panty said, her eyes turning to dollar signs.
"Someone seems eager." Alucard snarks.
"Hey, last time me and my sister were at a casino, we made it big. Could've been worse, as we almost left the place butt ass naked."
"I hope you all are willing to press your luck at the Devil's Casino." King Dice encourages. "The Devil himself has more riches than you can possibly imagine. All you gotta do is play until you hit that sweet sweet jackpot!"
King Dice hands each of them a pouch filled with money. "A little in house money to get all of ya started. On the house, of course!"
"I retract what I said. Seems like our challenge really is within this place." Percy says. "Since it's for the challenge, I suppose it can't hurt."
Bender pumps his fist. "Hell yeah! We're gonna be filthy stinking rich!"
"Then come along, now!" Dice says, leading Light by the shoulder. "The day's young, so seize it!"
Light, Percy, and Bender follow King Dice into the casino. Draco looks back at the trio of Alucard, Panty, and Futaba, with a hint of regret. But he quickly follows after the others.
"You feeling okay?" Panty asks. "That was quite the show you put on."
"I'm sorry." Futaba tells them. "He got me so mad, and then I….started saying stuff without thinking."
"Is that really true though? Is he really that Kira we heard about in the news?"
"I can vouch for her." Alucard says. "I too was there when we learned the truth."
"Then why didn't you vouch for her when Light was turning the tables on her?!" Panty asked furiously.
"It's not like my words would have swayed them. They already seemed dead set in their ways. Until they see the truth themselves, they'll remain adamant in that."
"I envy their determination, yet feel bad for when they're gonna face the cold hard truth." Panty admits. "Still, we really gotta be careful of that guy. Even if Yami is gone, we're still a team…right?"
"I….I'd hope so." Futaba said, bitterly remembering what just happened in their last adventure. "He'd want us to stick together, and his advice hasn't steered us wrong yet."
"If you're awaiting my answer to this, I'll still help you two out…until that stain upon humanity is dealt with. "Alucard responds. "After that, I will, as you mortals say, fly solo."
"Even if he's awful….I don't wish harm upon him." Futaba admits. "Maybe it's possible…that we can change his heart."
"You're fighting a losing battle there, child." Alucard tells her coldly. "But if you feel it's possible, then by all means. As for me…I wonder how much longer I can last before I truly snap on him. Even I only have so much patience."
"Relax, you two." Panty tells them. "We can discuss this further later. For now, let's go inside and press our luck."
Alucard then hands Panty the bag of money he was given. "Then you take this. You won't catch me playing any of these paltry games."
"While I'd condemn you for not joining in, that just means more money for me!" Panty said excitedly.
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The trio catches up to the rest of the group, as King Dice was showing them around. All around them. All around them were an ungodly array or slot machines, poker tables, arcade games, roulettes, and everything else under the sun. As dozens of Inkwell denizens were playing games, the staff appeared to be a mix of skeletons or demons.
"It's all so…shiny." Percy marvels.
"Money, come to papa!" Be ser says, rubbing his hands gleefully.
"I don't even know where to start…" Futaba adds.
"How do you even play these games?" Draco asked.
"It'll come easily to you, kid!" King Dice tells him. "Just have fun. Well, I've got business to attend to, so you guys gamble to your heart's content! Toodles!"
With that, King Dice leaves them to their own discretion.
"While you all are busy playing this epileptic trash, I'm going to hit the bar." Alucard said. "If this is in Hell, perhaps they have drinks in the blood department."
As Light was about to walk away, he heard a familiar voice echoing in his head.
" I'd highly advise you not to play the games, Yagami."
"Chubzworth?!" Light gasps.
" Indeed. You'll thank me for this. Just let the rest play their games for now, and don't join in at all. Let them rack up wins…"
"Hmph…." Light grins. "I wasn't going to participate anyway. But at the very least, I appreciate the warning."
" Ah, still as clever as ever. I knew I chose the right fella!"
Draco walks around, unsure of where to start. He notices an empty slot machine, and sits down in front of it.
"Very well, then. Let's give this muggle game a try."
He puts in some money, and pulls the lever. To his surprise, all three slots land on 7. Bells and whistles sound as he's left confused.
"Did I….win?"
His question was answered as hundreds of coins spilled out. And he couldn't be any happier.
"Looks like I did. Let's keep going!"
We see a montage of everyone enjoying themselves with all the games. Draco was killing it in slots, Futaba was victorious in roulette, Bender was kicking ass at poker, Panty was making it big in baccarat, and Percy was showing a lot of skill at blackjack. The other patrons of the casino couldn't help but watch and cheer them on. Even Alucard watched their progress from the bar.
"I believe that is 21, gentlemen." Percy says, laying her cards down. The spectating demons were stunned as she collected her winnings. " My 16th consecutive win. Huh…turns out this kind of stuff isn't as bad as people make it out to be. It's rather fun."
Futaba approaches her, dragging a huge sack filled with money behind her.
"Guh….curse my nerd arms!" She pants. "I really need to put on some more weight."
"Seems like you've earned quite the haul." Percy tells her. "I'm impressed."
"What's it to you?" The hacker spat.
"Look, I'm sorry if I came down on you hard about earlier. I hope there's no hard feelings."
"Yeah, yeah. It's pointless to keep discussing it." Futaba retorts. "You just keep doing your thing, and I'll keep doing mine."
She keeps trudging along until she accidentally bumps into Draco.
"Hey, watch where you're going y-oh, it's just you."
"Sorry." Futaba says sheepishly. "Carrying a heavy load here."
"I should know." With a wave of his wand, Draco drops an even bigger bag filled with money in front of her. "Turns out I'm a natural at this."
Futaba couldn't help but stare wide eyed at his haul. "Holy crap! You did even better than me!"
"Yeah…" Draco begins to shift a bit uncomfortably. "Hey, about earlier…I'm sorry for siding with Light. I had to do it to keep up appearances, you know?"
"Don't be apologizing, I totally get it." Futaba assures him. "You Slytherins are all about self preservation anyway. If I went to your school, I'd probably make a perfect Slytherin."
Draco chuckles. "You know…I could actually see that."
"Read it and weep, chumps." Bender said as he approached them. He carried a couple of big money bags, and was decked out from head to toe: a crushed velvet feathered cap, diamond studded sunglasses, a feather boa, fur mink coat, and golden pants.
"You look like an ass." Draco snarks.
"Says you, Mr. I wear robes and carry around a stupid stick. Meatbag…"
"Considering you're dressed up like a pimp straight out of the red light district, I'd say you have no ground to stand on." Futaba jokes.
"Let's round up the others then, squirt. See how they're doing. I'm willing to bet they lost it all."
5 Minutes Later…
"YOU ALL HIT IT BIG?!"
As the contestants were all gathered around a large table, their winnings sat in the middle, large and plentiful.
"Yep. Read it and weep." Panty says proudly. "The goddess of luck must've shone upon us today."
"I must say…I'm impressed with how much you all earned." Light admits.
"Feels a little too easy, to be honest." Bender says. "But then again, I did kick absolute ass."
"Do you suppose it's enough so that we can move on?" Percy asks.
"My oh my, you lucky little ducklings have made out like bandits!~" King Dice says as he walks up to admire their progress. "You're practically robbing us dry!"
"Not too shabby, eh?" Draco brags.
"Of course…" King Dice says slyly. "There is a bigger reward you could all play for. Y'know, go big or go home."
This little tidbit of info intrigued them.
"I'm listening…" Bender said.
In a puff of smoke, the Devil appears behind all of them, shocking everyone in the casino.
"It's him!"
"The Devil!"
"It's gotta be serious if he's here in the flesh!"
"So…you're the Devil, huh?" Alucard says, his hand slightly twitching towards one of his guns.
"Oh, there's no need to feel threatened." The Devil assures. "Allow me to congratulate you on your progress."
"Well, y'know, it was nothing." Futaba brags.
"Cut the crud." Draco interjects. "What's this bigger reward your lackey was talking about?"
The Devil claps his hands together. "Exactly my reason for showing up! I've got one more game lined up for you to play…. the Devil's Gambit!"
"Devil's Gambit?" Percy questions. "Elaborate."
"All you'll play is a single game of craps." The Devil explains. "If you win…all of the treasure in my casino will be yours."
"ALL OF IT!" Bender gasps. "Hell yes!"
"And….if we lose?" Futaba asks nervously.
"Then I get your souls, simple as that." The Devil bluntly responds, followed by gasps from the cast. "Of course this applies to everyone who played the games today."
"O-our souls?!" Draco exclaimed.
"If we lose…it's game over for all of us." Panty worried.
Bender slams his fist on the table. "We'll take the deal! And I'll play for us!"
The Devil grins wickedly at the robot. "My, aren't you gutsy? You think you have a shot?"
"Of course I do!" Bender affirms. "And because I'm feeling so confident about my chances, I'll throw in all of Al's souls too! I heard he's got millions!"
"You'll WHAT?!" Alucard snapped.
"Deal! No takes-ies backs-ies!" The Devil declared.
Alucard grabs Bender by his throat. Do you realize what you've just done, you pitiful pile of tin?!"
"Relax, Al." Bender calmly assures him. "We've done great tonight! I've got this."
"You better." The vampire growled. "It's already bad enough you got me dragged into this shit! How dare you wager my souls!"
"I'm feeling reeeeeally lucky on this one. Trust me."
"Don't worry, Bender." Light tells him. "It's only the souls of you and everyone but me you're gambling. No pressure, though."
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A few minutes later, everyone in the casino gathered around the cast to watch. Bender stood there confidently at the craps table. The tension in the place couldn't be any higher.
"You get one dice roll, robot." The Devil explains. "Name your wager."
"Pass line, baby!" Bender answers.
"What does that mean?" Draco asks Futaba.
"He's gotta roll a seven or an eleven to win. But he'll lose if he gets a two, three, or a twelve. He'll have to roll again if he gets any numbers but those."
"I hope you succeed." Percy says grimly. "Remember that our lives depend on your roll."
Bender wasn't listening. He was shaking the dice in his hands confidently. As soon as he throws them down, everyone watches with fear and anticipation. As if in slow motion, the dice roll along the table…
…and each die lands on one.
The room was utterly silent with the result.
"It's snake eyes…." Futaba said grimly.
"W-we lost!" Panty gasped.
"Our souls…." Draco groaned.
"I expected as much." Light deadpans.
"I'm gonna kill him." Alucard responds coldly.
"Womp womp, too bad for all of you!" the Devil says mockingly. "You lose! And you know what that means!"
Panty gets on her hands and knees, and grovels for mercy. "Please don't take our souls! You don't even want mine! It's dirty and tainted from years of hot and sweaty caveman style sex!"
"Pick yourself up!" The Devil snapped. "Now you're just acting pitiful!"
"Look, we really can't afford to give up our souls right now!" Futaba pleads. "Isn't there something we can work out?!"
"You know what? There is, actually!" The Devil said happily.
"He seemed way too excited to hear that!" Draco points out. "I already got a bad feeling about this!"
"All of you! In my office! Now!"
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The contestants all stood lined up side by side in the Devil's office. As he sits there counting his money.
"Well?" Draco asked impatiently. "We're waiting."
The Devil remembers they were right there, and puts out his cigar. "Oh, right, right. As you all know, you've gambled away your souls to me."
It was then that Chubz steps out, looking jovial as usual. Alongside him was Lucinne, who appeared rather gloomy.
"Nyahahanya! Except Mr. Yagami here! He didn't play a single game, nor was his soul wagered at all!"
"That damn car again!" Futaba said through gritted teeth.
"What?!" Chubz pouts. "I haven't seen you all in a hot minute, and this is the welcome wagon I get?!"
"In case you hadn't noticed fatass, we're thiiiis close to losing our souls!" Panty spat.
"Hence why I'm here! The challenge wasn't the gambling! The real challenge begins now!"
…
…
…
"...Eh?" Draco asked.
"The Devil and I go wayyyy back!" Chubz explains. "Usually he'd have your souls right now, so we decided to make a game out of it! If you wanna keep your souls, you have to do a little job for us!"
"Then what is that job?" Percy asks.
"There are other people out there, like you guys." King Dice explains. "Debtors who decided to turn tail and run when we rigged the games to win their souls."
"Wait…it was all rigged?!" Panty exclaimed.
"Yes. We let you win, and rigged that final game against you!" The Devil said proudly. "And before you go whining about how unfair that is, I'm the Devil! I'm allowed to be as evil and underhanded as I want!"
Bender angrily shakes his fist at them. "You sons of bitches swindled us!"
"Boo hoo!" The Devil says mockingly. "Cry me a river, build me a bridge, and then kill yourselves! You'll end up back here regardless!"
"Fine." Futaba huffed. "So what's the deal with these debtors?"
"You each need to leave Inkwell Hell, and scour the Inkwell Isles and find one of these debtors." King Dice continues. "Get their Soul Contracts, and report back here. And since Chokola is quite the negotiator, we've decided you each only need one contract."
"Make it back here, and you move on to the next location." Chubz adds. "However, the last one to do so can kiss the game goodbye!"
"Hold on a damn minute!" Draco interrupts. "You said at the beginning of all this that we'd have to vote to decide who goes! And not one damn time have we had an elimination like that since we started this Door-Mension crap!"
"Huh….I guess I did." Chubz said. "You're quite the sharp one, aren't ya? Too bad for you it's my show at the moment! What I say goes! Which reminds me…"
"Hoo boy, here we go." Futaba mutters.
"Since he never played, nor was his soul ever wagered, he has immunity to move on to the next world, and is exempt from this challenge."
Panty and Futaba both groan at this news. Alucard meanwhile shoots glaring daggers at Bender.
"If I get eliminated, you will not live to see the next leg of this game!"
Bender laughs nervously. "Uh, yeah…..heh heh….duly noted."
"Just know you will receive quite the scolding when this is all said and done." Percy adds.
King Dice hands each of them a slip of paper. "On this list are the names of all the hooligans who hightailed it out of here when it came time to pay up, as well as where to find them. Outside the casino is the exit from here that'll lead you out to the Inkwell Isles. All of these debtors lie out there, so put some hustle in your bustle…or else you'll be left behind!"
With that, the cast save for Light run out of there.
"Guess it's just us, then." Light says. "What do we do now to pass the time?"
"You know, I am feeling quite peckish." Chubz says. "How about lunch?"
"I suppose I could eat." Light admits.
"Count me in!" The Devil adds. "Being the lord of evil works up an appetite."
"Lucinne! Make the preparations for a feast! Besides, we have much to discuss, gentlemen!"
Lucinne nods hesitantly. "R-right, sir. I'll get on that."
"Is she okay?" Light asks. "Seems like she's got something on her mind."
"Don't you worry about her!" Chubz assures. "She's dealing with the loss of a loved one, so give her a break."
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The cast had exited the cave like entrance to Inkwell Hell, and split up to scour the Inkwell Isles: a flourishing archipelago off the coast teaming with people and environments one could only imagine.
Draco Malfoy in: Fiery Frolic!
We see Draco approaching what appears to be a medieval tower, like something out of the story of Rapunzel. Nothing appeared to be out of the ordinary. The young wizard looks down at his list just to be sure.
"Hmm…Grim Matchstick…he should be somewhere around here."
"You'll have to head up to the clouds, partner!" Said a cowboy who was passing by. "If you're looking for Grim, that is!"
Luckily, Draco had his broomstick with him. "Hmph…then it shouldn't take me too long to convince him to give me that contract. Thanks for that bit of info."
With his broom, he flies above the tower, and up to the clouds.
"Hellooooooo?!" He calls out. "I'm looking for the one called Grim Matchstick!"
A large winged silhouette is seen flying through the clouds behind Draco. This created a powerful gust of wind that caught him by surprise.
"I-I mean it!" He nervously tells. "I have business with you! So get your sorry arse out here now! I am not messing around!"
The clouds in front of him part, and the silhouette reveals itself. It was an enormous and slightly chubby light green dragon glaring down at Draco.
"A dragon…." Draco said worriedly. Quickly, he recomposed himself. "No matter. If Potter can survive a dragon, then so can I!"
"W-w-w-what brings you h-here?" The deep voice of Grim speaks in a stutter. "Did you come to f-f-fight me?"
"Yes, that's right. If that's how you're gonna give me what I want, then challenge accepted!" He takes out his wand. "Stupe-"
He's interrupted as he's blasted with an intense breath of fire from Grim. Draco is left charred black, but he shakes off all the soot in typical cartoon fashion.
"Okay….time to think of plan B!"
He flies off in a panic, but Grim chases after him.
"W-w-wait! C-c-come back!"
Grim launches a fireball at high speed, and Draco swiftly dodges it, nearly getting hit in the process.
"C'mon, Malfoy!" He tells himself. "Think think think! I hate to say this, but…what would Potter do in this situation?!"
Grim is closing in on Malfoy, and the wizard fires of a blast from his wand that hits the dragon dead in the eyes.
"How do you like that, you scaly freak?!"
"Owwwwww!" Grim rubs his eyes in agony. "T-that really h-h-hurt! I thought we were just having f-f-f-fun! That's it! No more Mr. Nice D-d-d-dragon!"
"Ooh, I'm so scared!" Draco taunts.
Unfortunately for him, as the sky darkens as the sounds of thunder echo throughout the sky. Grim's head begins to split into three pieces, now being a three headed hydra. With one last roar, the sky begins to rain.
Draco groans, realizing things got much more difficult. "Why did I jinx myself?!"
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Bender Bending Rodriguez in: Junkyard Jive
Bender is seen traversing an abandoned junkyard. Half looking for the debtor, and half searching for anything here he can pocket.
"Hmm…. mostly computer parts in this dump." He says to himself, arguing. "Wait, I need to focus! Ooh, but the junk here would fetch a pretty penny back in my world! But it's my fault we got in this mess! Argh, decisions, decisions!"
Bender sighs, mulling over today's events. Not only is he the reason they had to find Soul Contracts, but some little twerp dared to call his closest remaining friend a cold hearted killer. Hmph. What does she know? Nobody knows Light better than me! He's none of those things!
"When I get back, I need to make sure to give that kid a good knuckle sandwich for that slander."
"WHO DARES MAKE SO MUCH NOISE WHILE I'M BUSY?!" A voice screeched.
"Huh?!"
The ground shakes as a giant being emerges from one of the trash piles. It appeared to be a giant robot that looked like a person. Well, at least as close to one as Bender is. The antenna on the robot's head senses Bender, and a hatch on the head opens up. We now see a spectacled man in a white lab coat with dull purple hair on his balding head, as well as his mustache and goatee.
"Who are you?!" The man asked apprehensively. "I don't remember building you!"
"Oh, I'm looking for the robot of Dr. Kahl!" Bender said. "Might you know where he is?!"
The scientist laughs evilly. "Why, that is none other than moi! And my robot here is known as the Automaton!"
The Automaton kindly waves at Bender.
"Whatever, old man!" Bender spat. "I'm gonna need that Soul Contract of his, and I'm gonna need you to make it snappy! I've got places to be!"
"Ah, so the Devil sent you, did he?" Kahl asks. He strokes his goatee, pondering what to do next. "Very well then, robot! Try and take it from me! Just know I'm not making it easy!"
"Whatever!" Bender scoffs. "This'll be a piece of cake! You and that robot can kiss my shiny metal-"
The Automaton interrupts him by punching down on Bender. The poor bending unit was left flattened in a giant fist shaped hole. He grabs himself and shakes himself until he's no longer flat.
"Welp, looks like it's time for plan B!" He grabs a metal baseball bat and a trash can lid as a makeshift shield. "Do your worst you old-"
Once again, he was punched into a crater by the Automaton.
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Alucard in: Railroad Wrath
It was a dark and foggy night, despite it being daytime everywhere else but here, weirdly enough. A dull wooden locomotive chugs along a seemingly endless railroad track. Alucard materializes from the fog, landing on top of the last caboose of the train.
"Seems I've arrived at long last." Alucard says whilst tightening his gloves. "I'll have this place cleaned out personally in a matter of minutes."
A loud horn sounds off, as a disembodied voice cackles eerily.
"ALL ABOOOOOOOARD THE PHANTOM EXPRESS! THE TRAIN THAT ONLY THE DEAD MAY RIDE!"
Emerging from the roof Alucard stood on was a large blue ghost. He had no eyes on his face, but had them on the palms of his hands.
"If you wanna reach the front, you'll have to fight everyone onboard!" The ghost cackles. "Starting with me: the Blind Specter!"
Alucard grins wickedly. "What a coincidence…because this whole damn drain and its inhabitants are my target!"
"The Devil sent you, didn't he?!" The Blind Specter asks. "No matter! When we're through with you, we'll send you back to whatever bitch you came fro-"
The Blind Specter was unable to finish, as Alucard had torn him apart with his bare hands with both speed and brutality.
"Had you finished that sentence, not even your dust would be left!" Alucard brags. "I kill undead cretins like you as easily as a mortal can breathe! Now let us proceed, shall we? I sense many spirits aboard…none of them anywhere near my level. Heh…this'll be easy work."
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Futaba Sakura in: Floral Fury
Futaba flies across the sky in her Persona, with Bibo sitting in there with her.
"We should be nearing the target, Bibo." She tells him. "My Persona isn't meant for straight up combat, so I'm gonna need you to fight this one. Think you can handle that?"
Bibo nods and gives his trainer a salute.
"Good. According to my data, just below is the debtor Cagney Carnation. Definitely getting a gardener vibe with this one. Don't worry, if things get bad, I'll heal and buff you as much as I can. And let's not drag this on for too long. An instant elimination is at stake."
She then beams Bibo down. The Bidoof finds himself in a dirt clearing. All that stood before him was a large yellow flower with huge orange petals. The flower seemed to be about four times the size of an average human.
"Looks like this Cagney guy's got quite the green thumb on him." Futaba marvels. "My reading says he's around here, Bibo! Maybe see if you can sniff him out!"
"There's no need!"
The flower moves around, revealing a face on it with a large toothy grins and pointy nose.
"Wait….the flower is Cagney?!"
"That's right, toots!" Cagney said, giving his petals a shake. "I was enjoying a relaxing nap out in the sun until you ruined it! State your business so I can get back to catching Z's!"
"Give me your Soul Contract and I'll go peacefully!" Futaba demands.
Cagney couldn't help but burst into laughter. "You got me messed up there, girly! You think I'm just gonna give it to you?! If you want it, you're gonna have to take it from me!"
Futaba sighs. "I figured you wouldn't be nice about this! Luckily I have a secret weapon! Bibo, attack!"
"Oh, you mean this?" Cagney reveals he already had the Bidoof immobilized with vines. "Your secret weapon is a damn rat?! Don't make me laugh!"
Luckily, Bibo was able to successfully gnaw through his vines.
"That's the spirit! Let him have it!" Futaba cheers.
The good news is Bibo was back in the fight. The bad news is…Cagney was now furious.
"Oh, this will not STAND!"
Cagney roots his arms into the ground, his petals now flowing like a wild mane as his teeth turn sharp. All plants and trees around them begin to move around. Above the flower, an array of vines took the shape of a pair of fists, already cracking their knuckles.
"His power level is now off the charts!" Futaba warns. "I hope you're ready!"
Bibo nods, and runs towards his enemy, his buck teeth clashing with one of the vine fists.
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Panty Anarchy in: Sugarland Shimmy
Panty is seen aimlessly wandering a land composed of sweets and desserts. Rock candy mountains, flowing soda rivers, lollipop trees, and animals made of desserts could be seen wandering about.
"Ugh! I think this place is gonna make me sick!" Panty gags. "I'm getting diabetes just looking at this place. If Stocking were here though, that bitch would have a fucking field day in this place. Best case scenario, she stuffs her face till she explodes. Serves her right."
She keeps walking until she stumbles upon a castle that looks like a large strawberry cake.
"Should be the place." Panty knocks on the front door of the castle. "Y'ello?! I'm looking for the one called Baroness von Bon Bon! Is she available right now, or is she busy on the rag bleeding Kool Aid?!"
"Whaddya want?!" A feminine voice shouts. Popping up at the top of the castle was a pink skinned woman wearing a reddish pink dress, opera gloves, and wore a hat that looked like an ice cream cone. With her, she carried a staff that resembled a candy cane. "Why are ya calling for me?!"
"Oh, so you're the Baroness." Panty said. "Good. I'm gonna need that Soul Contract of yours. Chop chop."
Bon Bon laughs so hard you could see her crying a bit. "You're a funny gal, ain't ya?!"
"So….is that a yes?"
"NO!" Bon Bon snapped. "I ain't giving you jack! But since you've trespassed in my domain, you will be punished! But I don't have time for a public execution…. it's snack time!"
"Uh….okay." Panty said.
"I ain't gonna sugarcoat this for ya, lady, but…." Bon Bon's face distorts, her smile growing wide, her eyes dilating like a predator hunting their prey. "YOU'RE ON THE MENU TODAY!"
Bon Bon grabs the sides of her castle as it springs to life. Cake arms rise up and try to slam down on Panty. The angel dodges, and begins to run away.
"After her, Whippet Creampup!" Bon Bon orders. "Your ruler hungers!"
The castle roars, showing a mouth with hundreds of sharp candy corn teeth. The castle crawls across the ground at a fast pace, worrying Panty.
"Nobody told me that thing can move! How am I gonna get that contract if I'm too busy running for my life?!" She narrowly avoids a large peppermint that was rolling towards her.
Bon Bon's staff changes to a candy cane shotgun, and the Baroness takes aim. "I got ya in my sights! You'll be delectable when I turn you into sweets and gobble you up!"
She fires the gun, sending a shot of cotton candy towards her. Panty looks behind her, and counters the shot with her own gun, canceling them out.
"That all you got, you bubblegum bitch?!" Panty taunts. "I can-AHHHHH!"
She now sees a creature exit the mouth of the castle. It was a large jawbreaker that was chasing her down as if it were Pac-Man. As soon as it was about to chomp her, Panty punches it as hard as possible. The jawbreaker does crack into pieces, but she cries out in agony as she hurts her hand in the process.
"Gah! That freaking smarts!"
Unfortunately, Bon Bon was closing in on her. To make matters worse, Panty trips on a rock, and can only hopelessly as they now stand over her.
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Percival King in: Murine Corps
Percy stood in front of a huge suburban house, and by huge, we're not exaggerating. The house was so big, the cop was basically a mouse compared to it.
"So big…this house must belong to a giant of some sort."
Luckily, there was a small door built into the giant sized door.
"Hm. At least the homeowner is kind enough to accommodate those who are normal sized." She knocks on the door, failing to get a response. "Hello?! This is the police! I'd highly recommend you let me in! It is of the utmost urgency, and I'd rather not resort to breaking and entering!"
The door eerily opens wide, not that Percy was complaining.
"Ah, thank you for your cooperation, citizen."
She enters the door, but finds that the room she was in was rather dark and narrow. The room looked like a giant crawlspace. Lined on the walls were photos and war medals. Percy couldn't help but marvel at the wall of achievements.
"I see…somebody in this house is a war veteran. I wish I could thank them for their service."
She's surprised as the lights flash on inside the room. In the middle of the room stops a large, dented red soup can perched on a wooden cart, almost like it was a tank. With a loud squeak, a rodent creature popped out the top of the can. He was a long snouted rat wearing light brown overalls, white gloves, and a metal Pickelhaube helmet strapped to his head.
" Gluten Tag, Fräulein." The rat spoke in a thick German accent. "I have been expecting you."
"Wait…you have?!" Percy asked.
"Ja. A soldier must always be prepared. You stand before ze great soldier and engineer, Werner Wermen! Your silly little police training is nothing compared to German ingenuity. Zis tank is ze ultimate veapon. You cannot vin."
"That's where I beg to differ, rodent!" Percy says confidently. She draws her sword, and points it at the rat. "Relinquish your Soul Contract and I promise I will show mercy!"
Werner laughs and pushes a button on his tank. Cannons and saw blades sprout from the sides.
"To ze eternal flames of ze Devil vith you!"
The cannons start firing cherry bombs, and Percy reacts fast by slicing them with her sword. Unfortunately, the bombs still explode, and knocks her forward. Werner pushes another button as the cop flies towards him. A giant red boxing glove pops out and punches her, sending her flying across the room again.
Percy gets up, pain stars floating around her head.
"Ohhhh," she groans. "This is disorienting. But I can't fail here!"
Werner's tank starts zooming towards her, the German rat laughing maniacally as his saw blades ready themselves.
"Auf wiedersehen, you piss poor excuse for a cop!"
Percy reacts fast, stomping on the ground so hard that she manages to cause the wooden floorboard right under Werman to flip up. Werner is sent flying out of his tank, and hits the ceiling. The spike on the top of his helmet was stuck in the ceiling, so all Werner could do was hang there. Meanwhile, Percy readied another attack, as little fortresses literally sprouted up from the woodwork.
"Rat's all, you cretin!" Percy says, aiming her sword up at him. "A small joke at grammar's expense."
The fortresses fire off lightning, with her sword conducting it all and sending it flying towards Werner. The soldier squeaks to the high heavens as he's painfully electrocuted. He's lift a smoldering wreck, still hanging there.
"Ready to call it quits, vermin?" Percy asks.
Werner's helmet unhooks, and he begins to fall down. Before he could hit the ground, the wall breaks open as an extremely large bluish gray cat swallows up Werner.
"Well now.…" Percy deadpanned. "It appears the plot thickens, as the youth would say. Don't think this means you're getting out of fixing this wall."
The cat, leering down at Percy, hisses.
"Regardless, I cannot let you escape, feline. You've swallowed my perp, so I can't let you get away."
The cat swats at her with his paw, sending her flying through a wall. A hole completely in the shape of her was left.
"Oh dear." She says worriedly.
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We now move back to the Devil's throne room. A large table with an even larger spread of food sat there, being happily consumed by Light, Chubzworth, King Dice, and the Devil. Lucinne stood off to the side, acting as security.
Light stops eating for a second. "Chubzworth….do you mind if I ask you a couple of things?"
"Ask away, young man!" The demon says, swallowing a whole turkey in one go.
"I know you've told me you can peer into other's minds…."
"Yes, yes."
"Have you been able to look into Draco's? I wanna find out some…answers, regarding him."
Chubz sets down his silverware, and sighs. "Unfortunately, I can't. That brat's used Occlumency."
Light raises an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"
"He's performed a ritual that protects his mind from outside forces." Chubz explains. "And judging from the looks of it, he's had this since before the season started."
"That's a shame. I only asked because he's gotten rather chummy with one of my enemies in the game."
"Ah yes, the Sakura girl. Unfortunately, I can't do it with her either. Persona users are also immune to this ability. Regardless, I wouldn't worry about Malfoy. He's been very obedient to you from what I've seen."
"That is true." Light admits. "Out of all my allies, he's honestly the one I hate the least. Still, I can't help but worry that he and that girl are conspiring against me. But Malfoy should know better than anyone the position he's in. He's got so much to lose if I feel he's messed up. He proved today he doesn't believe a word of what she's saying, even if she is telling the truth."
"Ah, so you've got the brat in quite a compromising position." The Devil cackles. "I love your way of thinking."
"Now then…what was your other question?" Chubz asks.
"I'm actually curious to learn more about you." Light said. "You know, your past, your background, and how you came to be, things like that. I hope it's not too personal of a question."
Lucinne stiffens a bit at this, while Chubz merely laughs.
"Why, I'd be happy to indulge you, young man!" The cat happily exclaimed. "You see, I was born …different from other people. I tended to do my own thing growing up, and my peers and parents…found that quite odd."
"Different?" Light said.
"When I was little, I'd often venture out on my own and….hunt. sometimes with homemade weapons, other times with my bare hands. I'd hunt all sorts of creatures." For some reason, he put a lot of extra emphasis on the word creatures. "Keep in mind when I was alive during this, it was the early 1900s.
"I see…" Light muses while he listens intently. "The people around you didn't understand you."
"Exactly!" Chubz said. "My folks were high ranking politicians, and they couldn't let the people figure out what their dear little boy was getting up to, so they shipped him off to a special school to "fix" him."
"I don't see why hunting is weird to them." Light points out. "People have been doing it since the dawn of man."
"Times were different. They didn't appreciate my methods. Not even this special schooling worked. One thing led to another, and I was expelled after one of my hunting trips went differently than planned. My folks weren't happy to see me back at their front door so soon…so I cooked up a feast after my last hunting trip. And they never complained again."
The Devil shoots Chubz a weird glare, but the cat continues on.
"Some years after this, I had my own humble news company, and was even trying to run for United States president. The only problem was, my biggest competition was that damn Roosevelt. He'd already won the election twice already, so I had my work cut out for me. I wanted to change the nation, even if my goals didn't align with others. I used my news company to dig up first on him and all my fellow political opponents. Just barely, I lost the election and that crippled fuck won his 3rd term!"
"Then how did you die?" Light asked. "How did you end up in Hell?"
"Like you, I wanted to make things better for the people." Chubz explained. "Even if I had to resort to unsavory means. But for people like us, the ends justify the means."
Light chuckles. "I'll drink to that. I know you've got some edge to you."
"I'm glad you see it the same way. I had my company publish anything bad they could about my opponents, whether good or bad. World War II was going on at this time, so people were scrambling all around for trusted news on the events of the world, which is where I stepped in. Still, I barely lost the election…and somehow, what I was doing with my company was revealed to the nation. Unfortunately, they also learned of my hunting hobby, and they lynched me in my own house. I burned alive in there….with only nothing but my pet cat by my side."
"Should have figured you were a cat person." Light said.
"They're the kinda creature that can get away with being cruel and rebellious to everyone!" Chubz declared. "So they're a creature I hold in high regards. All other species….not so much. Back to the story, I died, and went to Hell. But as I arrived, I'd awakened my Metaversal powers. I'd rose the ranks of Hell as soon as I arrived, becoming a renowned overlord with an even more renowned new news company."
"But I wanted to overthrow the hierarchy of Hell itself! It's an awful place, and I very much disliked how it was run. Hate campaigns, propaganda, many new followers, and my new powers were all put forth to upheave the society they had. Even most of the princes of Hell knew not to mess with me…. except for Lucifer, the big boss himself. He utterly vanquished me, and cast me out of Hell. The whole ordeal was covered up, with only a select few knowing the truth. That was five years ago."
"So you were an overlord for literal decades…" Light points out. "I have no doubt it was an awful place to live. No wonder you tried to change it."
"And that's where we are now." Chubz finishes. "I started another news company, and even helped aid in the production of a Total Drama season in another world. Too bad it never finished airing. Luckily, my credentials with that landed me into hosting this version. Does that satisfy you, Yagami? I figure since we're partners after all, there should be no secrets between us."
"It actually does." Light responds. "I appreciate you for telling me about yourself. I know it couldn't have been easy. Changing the subject, do you happen to know where the bathroom around here is?"
"Down the hall, third door on the right." King Dice explains.
Light gets up to use the bathroom, meanwhile Chubz now notices the weird look the Devil was giving him.
"What?"
"You know what!" The Devil snapped. "You're lying to him!"
"Ah ah ah." Chubz says sternly. "Not once did I lie to him. I just chose my words carefully."
"Doesn't change the fact you've been an unhinged psychopath since the day you were born! If he knew what you really meant, he'd bail in an instant!"
"What he doesn't know won't hurt." Chubz says, leaning back in his seat. He proceeds to clean his teeth with a toothpick. "Withholding some info isn't going to harm me. I need him, as much as he needs me."
"What exactly is it you're planning with this guy?" The Devil asks.
"To the dream I've always had." Chubz said proudly. "A world that's for me….Lucinne! Do be a lamb and clean up this mess, will you?"
"Yes sir."
"And do be quick about it, or you'll end up like your dear dead baby brother!"
Lucinne watches on in anger as Chubz, Dice, and the Devil laugh at her. Still, she follows orders and clears the table.
"When I achieve that world…." Chubz continues. "Even my most hated enemies such as Gjira or Pugwash won't be able to stop me! Ever since my banishment, those two have been the biggest thorns in my side the past few years! But if all goes accordingly, they'll never be a problem again!"
The door slams open, and Alucard is seen approaching them.
"Didn't expect one of you back so soon!" The Devil said. "I take it you have a Soul Contract?"
Alucard reveals a sheet of paper, with the name Phantom Express in bold letters at the top.
"Those spirits were merely child's play. Now…may I proceed?"
"By all means!" Chubz said. A door manifests behind them, leading to the next world. "Step inside! The next world is sure to be a doozy!"
"Hmph…. we'll see…"
Without hesitation, the vampire goes through the portal. As soon as he was gone, light had returned, not looking happy.
"I just heard that filthy bloodsucker. Don't tell me he already finished the challenge?!"
"It's alright, young man." Chubz assures. "Our next destination is going to be an important one. When it's all said and done, you'll never have to worry about him again!"
Light's expression switches from upset to ecstatic. "Is that so?"
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Draco is seen racing through the stormy sky, the now three headed Grim chasing after him. He avoids getting burned again as all three heads shoot fireballs at him.
"S-s-s-slow down!" Grim cries. His middle head stretches out and wraps around Draco, snatching him off of his broom.
"Any l-l-last words?!" The dragon said. His other two heads were readying another fire attack.
"Can't believe I'm doing this again!" Draco grunts as he reaches for his wand. "But it's do or die!" He points his wand at Grim's middle face, and hesitantly shouts an incantation.
" Imperio!"
A blast flies out of his wand and hits him square in the face. Grim's mind begins to clear, a calm, pleasant feeling overtaking his body. His mind was in a peaceful, almost trance like state.
"Give me the contract and let me go free, you scaly freak!"
Grim nods, taking them back down to the ground. The skies clear as Grim returns to normal. Once Draco is set down, a sheet of paper manifests in front of him.
"Can't believe I had to resort to another Unforgivable Curse." Draco moans. "But you left me with no other options."
Draco takes the contract and gets back on his room. "Hope I'm not too late."
As he flies off, Grim waves the wizard goodbye, still entranced.
"I hope I'm not too late!" Draco tells himself. "Same goes for them!"
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Futaba could only watch in horror as Cagney was ragdolling her Pokemon. Bibo was strung up on a tree as Cagney continued to pummel into him as if he were a training bag at the gym.
"Biiiiiiiiii." Bibo groaned weakly.
Cagney let's Bibo drop to the ground, and promptly lights a cigar. "You willing to call it quits yet, girly?! Because I can do this all day!"
Futaba was luckily able to provide some healing to Bibo. The Bidoof gets back up and shakes off the rest of the pain. Unfortunately for her, Futaba was racking her brain for a solution.
"What am I gonna do?! Bibo can't brute force his way through that plant, even if I buff him! It's times like this I wish I had a fire type."
After another moment of silent thinking, it finally clicked for her.
"That's it! Just because I don't have a fire type doesn't mean I can't use fire. I am in a cartoon after all, so it's not impossible. Mwehehehe. Bibo!"
Bibo looks up at his trainer, awaiting commands.
"Use Rollout!" She orders. "Keep using Rollout in place, and make sure you go as fast as possible! We need to generate loooooots of friction!"
Bibo nods knowingly, and curls up into a ball. Cagney yawns, clearly unimpressed.
"Have you lost your marbles, lady?! You gonna spin me to death?!"
Bibo spins round and round in place, picking up speed with every passing second. He kept spinning until you could see smoke coming from him. As he goes faster, the smoke turns into fire. That fire slowly spread to the nearby tree, and as soon as it did, all hell broke loose.
The whole area had burst into flames, and Cagney was no different. He began to panic as the fire spread throughout the whole forest. Being rooted to the ground, he realized he couldn't escape. As soon as he realized this, a small flame got on his hand.
"AAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHH!"
He tries to swipe the flame off of him, but it only makes it worse. Futaba beams Bibo back into the Persona, and both watch as Cagney burns alive.
"Quit your bellyaching, it's only a cartoon!" Futaba says sadistically. "I may be young, but don't think that means I don't mess around! Mwehehehe!"
A couple more minutes pass, until Cagney has completely burned away, only his ashes remaining. As the fire still rages on below, Cagney's Soul Contract appears in front of them.
"Don't mind if I do!" As she takes the contract, she affectionately pets Bibo. "Who's a good boy?! You're getting rewarded with extra treats for this!"
Having finally claimed their reward, the UFO flies off into the sky, uncaring about the forest fire they'd started.
"Eh, the rain will handle it." Futaba tells herself.
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Back in Sugarland, we see that Panty lay in the clutches of the Baroness and her castle. The castle lifts Panty up until she and Bon Bon are eye level.
"You've got some nerve making me work for my meal!" Bon Bon complained. "I wonder what kind of sweet I'll turn you into before I eat you. Licorice…..gingerbread….oh, I know! Maybe a nice, jelly filled donut!"
Panty scoffs. "Are you like this because you don't have a man to fill your jelly donut?!"
"Oh, look at this little comedian and her wisecracks!" Bon Bon said mockingly. "Too bad for you it's eat or be eaten in this world! And I aim to eat!"
The Baroness's mouth opens up, now filled with sharp teeth. The castle slowly inches Panty towards it's master. At that moment, Panty had an idea….one that she never thought she'd have to do, and would immediately regret it afterwards. She may have had no other options, like Bon Bon said…it's eat or be eaten."
Panty bites into the Baroness's shoulder and eats it. Bon Bon screams in horror.
"What are you doing, you vulgar girl?!"
"Following your advice, bitch!" Panty says, biting off a chunk of her face. The castle freaks out at the sound of Bon Bon's screams, and drops Panty. The angel continues to ravage Bon Bon, eating her until there was nothing left.
Once finished, her face was looking green.
"Ohhhhhh…..I hate sugar…." She groaned. "I think I'm gonna blow chunks!"
Feeling the pain bubbling in her stomach, she lets out a loud belch, the Soul Contract being coughed up in the process. The castle gently places Panty off of it, and runs off in fear, whimpering like a scared puppy.
"And don't come back!" Panty said triumphantly. Her stomach gurgles again. "Oh shit!"
The next five minutes consisted of her throwing up behind a nearby bush. Once she felt like she had gotten all of it out of her system, she tucks the contract away in her cleavage.
"Ugh, how can Stocking eat this shit all the time?! Hope to high hell that bitch catches diabetes or gets a heart attack from all that sugar!"
She begins to look for the exit, still wobbling a bit after throwing up nearly half her weight in sweets.
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Back in the Devil's throne room, we now see Futaba, Draco, and Panty return at relatively the same time.
"Well well well, three more of you have returned with contracts." The Devil praised. "How did it go?"
"No more dragons!" Draco snapped.
"No more flowers!" Futaba adds.
"And no more *urp* sweets!" Panty said, her stomach still not quite back to 100%
"You three are lucky." Chubzworth tells them. "You lot get to move on. Only two people are left."
The next door reappears, and the three quickly go inside.
"That just leaves Percy and Bender." Light points out. "Doesn't matter to me which of them doesn't get to move on. They're both useless to me now, just like Pete."
"You are heartless!" Chubz laughs. "You should have seen the look on Pete's face when he realized the mistake he made. It was absolutely purr-iceless! Nyahahanya!"
"That pun was terrible." Light deadpans.
"Everyone's a critic…"
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Bender could be seen hiding in a hole in the ground he made, using the trash can lid to hide himself. For a brief moment, he peaks out from the hole. He could hear Kahl and his robot stomping around the junkyard.
"Come on out, robot!" Kahl calls out. "Don't be shy! I'll make sure your parts go to something worthwhile! Perhaps as spare parts for the Automaton!"
"I've lost track of how long I've been hiding from this weirdo." Bender said. "I've gotta figure out something to take him down!"
He slowly crawls out of the hole, and scans his surroundings. The coast was clear, thankfully. He looks around for anything else to help him. He takes a rusty sword and a mirror. Not the biggest improvement, but a little better.
"Heh heh E ON OUT, NERD!" Bender shouts. "I'm ready for round two!"
The Automaton looks for the voice, and finally finds Bender.
"You've been quite a tricky little bugger today, haven't you?!" Kahl says. "All the time I've wasted today trying to deal with you! Do you know how much work I could have gotten done if you hadn't have shown up?!"
"Piss off! I got a friend waiting for me, so I can't give it up!"
"So be it! Blast him, Automaton!" Kahl orders. The robot fires a large laser beam from his antenna.
"Nice try, geezer!" Bender holds up the mirror to shield him.
The blast hits the mirror, and is reflected back at the robot.
"W-what?!"
The Dr. screams a loud and cartoonishly painful scream as the robot twists and contorts it's body in agony until it falls forward. When it hits the ground, Kahl falls out of the robot's head, his eyes dizzy and his hair frizzled.
"Booyah!" Bender cheers. He approaches Kahl and holds out his hand. "Now hand it over, pal! Or I'll chop your head off next!"
"I yield…." Kahl said weakly. "My robot's soul is yours. Just treat it nicely."
Bender finally takes hold of the contract, feeling proud of himself.
"Bet Light would be pretty damn proud of he saw me bring that guy down! One step closer to a cool 5 million! Ciao!"
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Percy was backed up against the wall, trying her best to find off the giant cat. Meanwhile, the cat was swatting at her, but struggled due to having a hard time fitting into the room.
"My stamina…." Percy says tiredly. "Is extremely low. What I'd give for something to eat or drink…."
The cat swats its paw again, knocking a shelf of random knickknacks. Though one of the items caught her eye: a pinecone.
Percy sighs with relief. "The goddess of justice smiles upon me." She lunges for the pinecone, and pulls a straw out of her pocket. She puts it in the pinecone and begins to drink it like it were a carton of milk.
"Ahh…..that's much better."
The cat hisses, and swats at the ceiling. This causes several of the wooden boards on the ceiling to start crashing down. With her strength restored, Percy was able to quickly slice through the falling boards. She leaps onto the cat's face and readies her sword again.
"I hate to hurt an animal, but I've got a trusted friend and confidant I can't disappoint!"
She then jams the sword into the cat's eye. Rather than blood coming out, the eye leaks sparks.
"What the?!"
The cat shakes violently, now with nuts, bolts, and more sparks come out. To the cop's shock, the cat's face falls off, revealing a bear up Werner in an even more beat up cockpit.
"Nein! Mein Katzenwagen!" Werner cries. "How vere you able to turn ze tides?! Answer me, pinecone witch!"
"You really want an explanation?" Percy says. "I'm surprised to hear you've never supped upon pined cone before. It's actually quite simple. You just have to know the proper way to milk the cone."
In that moment, Werner was so weirded out by what she just said, his accent was gone.
"Don't EVER say that again! Just take the contract, hit the road, and DON'T come back!"
Percy gladly takes the contract and tucks it away. "Many thanks for your cooperation, citizen. Apologies for the smackdown I had to deliver. No hard feelings, I hope."
Percy leaves the house, and Werner still sits there, completely dumbfounded.
"Well, back to the workshop with you, Katzenwagen. At least it can't get any worse."
The smoke from the Katzenwagen has now set off the sprinklers in the house,
"I think I'm having an aneurysm."
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Back in the throne room, the group patiently anticipate the arrival of either Percy or Bender. Light checks his watch, looking quite bored.
"I hate this waiting around." Light complains. "Nothing more mind numbing than boredom."
"Wanna take bets on who'll get here first, Dice?" The Devil asked.
"Give me twenty on police girl." King Dice responds.
Just then, the door bursts open, showing Percy and Bender had returned at the same time.
"Please tell me we're not too late!" Percy says out of breath.
"We're not too late, are we?!" Be der asks. "Stupid doc kept me busy."
"Ooh, I'm sorry to tell ya, but everyone else has already completed the challenge." Chubz tells them.
"Then which of us gets to move on?" Percy asked. "We arrived at the same time."
"Since he won immunity, I think it's appropriate that we let Light decide. Make any choice you want, Yagami."
Light looks at his two allies, pondering.
"C'mon, Light!" Bender pleads. "We're best pals! You gotta pick me!"
"You and I are an amazing duo." Percy says. "I'd love nothing more than to keep working alongside you. I hope you'll make the right choice."
After another moment of thinking, Light had an idea. "You said any choice, right?"
Chubz nods. "Reading your mind, I already know what you're gonna say, but let's share it for the whole class."
"Then I choose neither of them. They both are out."
"What?!" They both gasped.
"You're not….. picking either of us?!" Bender said glumly.
"Is it because you can't decide and this is a compromise?!" Percy said worriedly. "Tell me that's your reason!"
Light remains silent, until Chubzworth tells him something.
"You're so close to attaining godhood. It doesn't matter what you say now….even if the multiverse hears it. No one can stop you now."
Light grins wickedly, his eyes now appearing red.
"L-light….?" Percy mutters.
"Don't call me that!" Light snapped. "Call me Kira….. it's what I prefer!"
Percy gasps. "Kiara?! I-wait…so that means that…. Futaba was right?!"
"How could you lie to us?!" Bender cried. "How could you lie to me?! We're friends, aren't we?!"
Light scoffs. "Let me be honest….I never liked either of you. You two were simply a means to an end. To help keep me around long enough until I didn't need you anymore."
"You used me!" Bender cried. "When Scott left, you were all I had!"
"What about our justice?!" Percy asked. "Was that also a lie?!"
"Tsk tsk tsk." Light said mockingly. "Our ideas of justice could never coincide. Just like it happened to my father. You're a disgrace to your uniform, King. Be thankful I'm not having you kill yourself like another woman of the law who dared get in my way."
Percy drops to her knees, unsure of how to respond. She was absolutely devastated.
"No……it's…..not possible. You're a monster….and I failed to realize it…"
With that, the door reappears. Chubzworth gestures towards Light.
"Master….your ascension lies ahead."
"Thank you."
As Light enters the door, Bender runs towards them, equipped with brass knuckles.
"If you think I'm letting you get away with playing me like a fool, that's where you're wrong!"
Light enters the door, Bender making a beeline for him. Before he could go inside, Chubz reaches for the masquerade mask he wore, and shouted….
" PERSONA!"
An odd creature manifests itself. A black, barely humanoid creature with no facial features, a bit scaly, with long lanky arms and dark tentacles all over its body. It was almost as if something out of a nightmare. It's appearance made Bender stop in his tracks.
"H-he's got one of those Persona thingies too?!"
"Ever since the day I died!" Chubz said proudly. "Teach him a lesson, Nyarlathotep!"
The creature swats Bender, sending him flying into the wall. As he hit him, everyone was blown back by the sheer force of the attack, purplish black lightning sparking everywhere.
"The reason I've become this strong!" Chubz continues. "But it's still not enough! More….I need more! So close!"
"We can't let him get away with this!" Percy growled, getting her sword out. "After what's just happened, I'm not in a mood to compromise, cat!"
"Oh, but I already have!" Chubz brags. "Which reminds me…thanks for playing. Better luck next time!"
He snaps his fingers, and both eliminated contestants disappear from the Door-Mension.
"Excellent work, sir." Lucinne said formally.
"Agreed, my old friend." The Devil adds. "Now I take it you'll also be on your merry way?"
"Just one more thing before I go!" Chubz cackles, as Nyarlathotep turns to Dice and the Devil. "There unfortunately won't be any poker night on Friday!"
"W-we had a deal!" The Devil pleads. "Please spare us!"
"Sorry, but I've already taken your whole cache of souls. Not like the Inkwell Isles need souls anymore."
"WAITWAITWAITWAITWAIT!"
We now see an enormous mushroom cloud engulf the entirety of the Inkwell Isles and Inkwell Hell. Everything and everyone were completely vaporized in a near instant. The entire world was left a smoldering hellscape where only Chubz and Lucinne remained.
"What a weak ass world!" Chubz laughs. "Devil, my hairy ass! I wasn't even anywhere near my full power! Nyahahanya! Now then, Lucinne. Let us go…. it's time for the game to come to an end!
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Looks like we're about to hit the climax, baby! The next couple of episodes are going to be real doozies. They're ones I've had planned out for quite some time. Can't spoil too much of what's gonna happen, but we will be seeing a familiar island…
And this ends our adventure in the Inkwell islands. Wacky cartoon hijinks ensued, which was to be expected. As well as heated fights and crushing betrayal. Light may be a bit over the top at times, but he had no hesitation letting his allies know what they really mean to him. With five contestants left, will he take them all down….or is it curtains for this wannabe god? Hope you're ready , as we got another two parter coming up. Everything this arc has been building up to will culminate here.
Until next time, this is MemeKing signing off.