Happy Holidays

General Content Warning: Chapters in this story may contain upsetting or triggering content including but possibly not limited to violence, consensual and non-consensual sexual references and descriptions, drug and alcohol use and abuse, references to or descriptions of mental illness, self-harm or self-injurious behaviour, and references to or discussions of suicide.

~Twenty-Seven~

Cloud slept heavily over the next several hours when he was alone. When he woke it was to the sound of knocking on the door of his hotel room and a voice calling into him that he realized must have been from a member of guest services. The first movements he made then had him aware of pain in his back and his memory was sparked, reminding him of the events of the night before.

His eyes darted toward the alarm clock on the table next to him and he could see it was nearly noon. He'd been out for a while. He surveyed his room briefly when he was getting up out of the bed, almost expecting to find he wasn't alone. It appeared he was. Peering through the peep hole in the door, he confirmed it was a hotel employee in the hall. He opened the door just enough to be able to talk to her. She seemed a little surprised when he answered finally but a bright smile quickly greeted him.

She informed him that she was just doing a welfare check on him because a family member had called the hotel worried that he hadn't been answering his phone. She said he'd tried to call up into his room but he hadn't answered. He hadn't heard a phone ringing. Any phone. He assured her he was fine and she left him alone.

As he shut the door again he looked over at the phone on the table next to the bed. It was close enough to where he'd been sleeping that he should have heard it. When he picked up the handset though he realized there was no dial tone. When he took hold of the cord attached to the phone and pulled at it he discovered the reason was that the phone wasn't plugged into the wall.

That didn't explain why he hadn't heard his own phone. Had he left it on silent? It took some searching for him to even find where he'd left it. It was off. Thinking the battery must have died he plugged it into its charger, only to discover it had a half battery of life left on it. It was just…off.

He'd expected some missed calls or messages from Zack since he'd asked him to call him back the night before. There were, along with missed calls from Tifa and some text messages that morning from Reno and even Johnny. He called Zack right away, assuming he must have been the one who called the hotel to request the welfare check. His friend answered after a few rings and when he did, it wasn't in the tone he expected.

"Hey," Zack said in a tired voice completely devoid of the concern or anger he'd been anticipating.

"Hey," Cloud said back. "I'm sorry about not getting your calls last night. Forgot my phone in the room when I was out getting dinner," he began to explain.

"How long were you at dinner?" Zack asked to that. "I was calling after midnight."

Cloud shook his head at himself as he sat back down on the one bed in the room. Of course. "Oh, yeah no, it ended up off or…" He wasn't sure he was going to be able to lie and really he didn't want to. "I…truthfully I got messed up last night. Some guy—"

"You know, I don't think I want to know, Spike," Zack said as he cut him off gently. It took Cloud by surprise and for a second he was just silent. He heard Zack exhale deeply.

"Oh," he finally said to him in return.

"If you really want to talk about it I'll listen," Zack told him, "but if you're telling me because you feel guilty…or I dunno, whatever, maybe it's just better if you keep it to yourself," he suggested softly. "You know, it's your life and you're not accountable to me, so…"

Cloud couldn't help but feel a little confused. Zack really didn't seem himself. "Are you okay?" he questioned.

"Yeah," Zack confirmed. "I just, I guess I'm finally getting it through my head that I can't stop you from living how you're going to live and I can't really protect you, especially not from yourself. It's too hard to hear you talk about how you're putting yourself in bad situations. The fact I can't do anything about it makes it even harder so…like I said, unless you want to talk about it…"

"No, uh, I get it," Cloud said in understanding. "That makes sense."

"You're okay though?" Zack asked him.

"Yeah," he said. "Sorry you had to call for that welfare check."

"What do you mean?" Zack replied and his confusion was shared by Cloud then. If Zack hadn't called in for the welfare check, who had?

"Nothing," he said. "Never mind."

"Okay. I'm going to let you go alright?" Zack told him. "I haven't been to sleep yet. Should probably try to do that."

"Okay," Cloud said. "I'll talk to you later?"

There was a bit of a pause on Zack's end before he spoke a soft, "Yeah, sure," followed by a "Later, buddy."

There was a minute after their call was over that Cloud just sat thinking about the almost awkward call and contemplating calling Zack back because he really hadn't sounded like himself. But maybe his friend was actually reaching a point where he didn't want to deal with his self-destruction. He often found his own actions leaving him exasperated so how could Zack not be?

Thinking about self-destruction…he allowed himself to think back on the night before and how reckless he'd been in talking some stranger into taking a knife to him and then not just throwing Rand out of the room when he showed up uninvited. Worse than that he'd done something that he couldn't understand, trying to bait the man into something to prove some kind of point about how damaged he really was. As if nothing at all, not even his dignity mattered anymore.

His back was sore. When he turned to get a look at it in the bathroom mirror he could see the skin at the site of the wound was reddened. When he touched it gingerly it stung. Sometimes he really missed when he didn't have to worry about getting injured. Didn't have to worry about bleeding out or getting infections. He sighed, knowing he was probably going to have to go to a walk-in clinic to get an antibiotic prescription.

After looking up the location of the nearest clinic he showered and got himself dressed. He checked over his belongings in his room a little suspiciously, not liking that Rand had had access to them while he was incapacitated. Nothing looked to be missing or out of place that he could tell. Finally he made his way outside for the ten minute walk over to the clinic.

On the way he took the time to really think about whether he should continue on his road trip any farther out from home than he'd gone. While making it to Gongaga and eventually Nibelheim seemed like something of an important goal in his mind, he had his doubts about whether he was really strong enough mentally to get there. He was also worried about Zack. It wasn't the fact his friend hadn't wanted to hear about how he'd gotten high with a stranger the night before that worried him, it was something in his voice. He sounded sad in a way he hadn't heard in a long time.

The doctor who saw him at the clinic wrote him a prescription and also cleaned the wound as much as he could given it was already sutured. Conveniently there was a pharmacy next door where he was able to get the prescription filled and twenty minutes later he was on his way back to the hotel, texting Tifa to ask if Zack had seemed okay while at work the night before. He didn't expect an answer from her right away. She might have been sleeping. Almost everyone he knew worked nights.

As he was heading up towards the main entrance to the hotel, he could see a few people standing in the drop-off and pick-up area, some with luggage. Also there, however, was someone who had no business being there. It was Rand.

Despite the fact the man noticed him right away, he thought about pretending he hadn't seen him and walking in the other direction, to find another entrance to the building. For some reason though, his feet were still walking him in his initial path, headed straight for where the man was ready to intercept him. He suspected if he tried to avoid talking to him that Rand would just follow him into the building so he stopped to see what it was he wanted and to tell him off if need be.

"What are you doing here?" he asked before Rand could speak first.

"I was waiting to run into you," the man told him. He had his hands inside his coat pockets and didn't try to close the distance Cloud kept between them.

"It's not running into me, if it involves stalking," Cloud was quick to point out. The man nodded a little towards the small paper bag he was holding onto that clearly looked like it had come from a pharmacy.

"Did you go to a clinic to get an antibiotic?" he asked and it seemed pretty obvious so Cloud didn't bother to confirm.

"What do you want?" he asked instead. Rand exhaled and looked past him briefly before answering.

"I don't think it's a good idea for you to be here in the city," he announced. Cloud's immediate urge was to tell him off but he didn't bother.

"Can't disagree," he replied flatly. "Still waiting on your lawyer though," he reminded the man. Rand nodded once more.

"I called him this morning," he said then. "I've asked him to come back to the office to process the share transfer. He's going to be back tomorrow afternoon," he revealed to Cloud's surprise, though he didn't let it show on his face. "That way you'll be able to get what you came for and then…move on," Rand concluded.

There was something sad about the way the man said it. Like he was communicating something in defeat.

"Are you gonna be there?" Cloud asked him.

"Do you want me to be?" was Rand's response, spoken like they both already knew that answer.

"No," was Cloud's sharp reply, the one the man had expected.

With a small and uneasy smile, Rand gave one last nod and moved to pass him to go on his way. He paused next to Cloud and looked at him. It was hard for Cloud to not look away.

"I really," Rand spoke to him softly, "I really do wish the best for you," he said and Cloud did avert his eyes then, looking down instead. "You deserve it. Try to remember that."

That was all Rand said before departing and leaving Cloud standing there feeling like he was made of heavy metal. He almost felt paralyzed but after glancing over his shoulder at the man's back once, seeing that he was actually walking away, presumably out of his life for good, he finally broke free from the feeling and made his way back into the hotel.

After a couple more hours of sleep he decided to start visiting a few of the hospitals and long term care facilities where he could show some pictures of Angeal around and ask if anyone resembling him had been admitted for treatment in the last year. He had no luck, which didn't really surprise him. Really it was more than a long shot that he was going to find Angeal on his own.

When he was back at hotel later on he spent some time texting with Tifa, who told him that she suspected something had happened between Zack and Aerith the night before because Zack hadn't seemed himself while at work. She said both of them were being pretty quiet though and didn't seem to want to talk about what was going on. It was difficult to imagine the two of them having problems that they couldn't resolve quickly, even though he'd been able to see that their relationship was strained. In that conversation between Aerith and Kunsel that he'd overheard at the church, he'd also heard firsthand what sounded like doubt in Aerith's voice about the future between her and Zack. He felt bad then. The last thing Zack needed if he was already stressed out with his own relationship was to have to be concerned with what was going on with him out in Junon.

He'd already planned on calling Zack that evening before the time he normally started working but Zack called him first, almost at the same time. When he answered he could hear in Zack's voice that he still sounded tired, but maybe a little more upbeat than earlier. It sounded forced though. The first thing he asked was if Zack was really okay because earlier he'd sounded off.

"Yeah," Zack told him simply at first. "Just the sleep deprivation kicking my ass, I guess," he added then a little lightly. "I know I probably sounded like a jerk earlier with what I said," he continued after another brief pause. "I didn't mean—" he began to explain himself and his reasoning for telling Cloud he didn't want to be informed of what he'd gotten up to the night before but Cloud cut him off softly.

"No, it's fine. You were right," he said. "There's no point in me telling you when I'm doing stupid things. It's not your problem and it's not fair," he acknowledged.

"Unless you want to talk though," Zack said back to that quickly. "It's not that I don't care, I just don't want you to feel like you have to say something if you don't want to. Out of guilt or obligation, you know?" he explained.

"Yeah," Cloud replied in understanding. "No…I don't really want to talk about it," he added quietly. "But uh, about how you're doing…I was texting with Tifa, she said you seemed upset last night," he pointed out.

Zack sighed then. "Yeah, there's something I guess. Didn't really want to talk about it, definitely not with her. Not with anyone. Not sure if Aerith would want anyone to know right now. Not sure I should even tell you."

"What's going on?" Cloud asked, sure Zack would probably tell him even if he felt he shouldn't.

Pregnant. Aerith must be pregnant. That's the news he'd been expecting based on the conversations he'd had with Aerith and Kunsel and what he'd overheard them talking about in the church. He waited for the confirmation.

"Aerith just found out from her doctor that I guess the chance of her being able to conceive a baby is pretty low. Like non-existent," Zack revealed.

It wasn't what Cloud had expected at all. His stomach sank. He didn't know what to say.

"So, uh, she's pretty upset," Zack added softly when he hadn't responded.

"What about you?" Cloud asked when he finally found his voice.

"Me?"

"Are you…not upset?" he questioned uneasily.

"I don't know," Zack replied through another tired exhale. "I guess a little. Maybe it's just not sinking in yet fully but you know I hadn't given a lot of thought to starting a family right now or any time soon. We've been careful, which I know doesn't mean accidents don't happen, but I just really wasn't even considering the possibility of a kid right now, and honestly it's kind of been in the back of my mind since everything that happened in the mansion if I even could or should have kids of my own, like biologically or whatever," Zack explained slowly. "Can't help wondering what effect all that shit Hojo did had on me—I mean both you and me, physically, when it comes to passing on genes."

Cloud found himself nodding a little as he listened. He'd thought about the same thing in the past. That's why he'd been careful with the girls he'd slept with.

"I sort of figured when the time was right, and we were ready to start considering the whole kids thing that we'd have a talk about all the options out there," Zack went on.

"I'm sorry," Cloud said despite Zack's claim to not be upset like Aerith was. "Are you guys going to be okay?" he asked then. He'd hoped when he left Midgar that things might get better between Zack and Aerith, not worse.

"I hope so," Zack said back.

He didn't sound confident.

"Um, well, that lawyer, Rand's lawyer, he's supposed to be coming back to his office tomorrow afternoon," Cloud began to explain. "So hopefully by tomorrow night I'll have possession of those shares."

"That's good," Zack said.

"Yeah, I'll have the documents sent out to you, if that's still alright."

"For sure," Zack confirmed.

"But you know, I could just come back to Midgar, rather than continuing on the road south," he suggested.

"Why?" Zack asked. While Cloud struggled with his response Zack added, "For me?"

"Well…" Cloud started to try to answer without outright confirming that to be the reason.

"You don't have to do that, Spike," Zack told him before he could get his words together. "This trip seemed really important to you and I want you to do what makes you happy, or what you feel like you need to do for yourself," he assured him. "Don't worry about me."

"Are you sure?" Cloud questioned a little skeptically. He thought for sure Zack would have encouraged him back home at the offer of it.

"Yeah, I'll be fine," Zack promised. "As long as you answer your damn phone," he added in a stern voice that Cloud smiled a little at.

"Got it," he said.