General Content Warning: Chapters in this story may contain upsetting or triggering content including but possibly not limited to violence, consensual and non-consensual sexual references and descriptions, drug and alcohol use and abuse, references to or descriptions of mental illness, self-harm or self-injurious behaviour, and references to or discussions of suicide.
~Thirty-One~
For several minutes after talking to Cloud on the phone, Zack wrestled with himself trying to decide if he should call him back. If Cloud had been at home in Midgar he would have stayed the night with him, been there for him if he wanted to talk more about the shocking and devastating news he'd gotten from Tseng. He hated the thought of Cloud in pain and it was worse knowing he was inebriated and alone.
He was walking home from Tifa's and he had to seriously fight the urge he had to go to the bus station and purchase a ticket for the next bus to Junon. Or better yet, to borrow or steal a vehicle to get there as quick as possible. He could ask Johnny to help him out but chances are Six would just try to talk him down and remind him he couldn't leave the city and if he did it wouldn't be worth it if he got caught.
He'd done everything he was supposed to in trying to convince the legal system that he wasn't a threat to anyone and that he could be trusted to remain a law-abiding citizen. One mistake was all it would take to erase all his efforts over the last year. He wished when he got home he wasn't going to be walking into a vacant apartment. He really felt like he needed someone to talk to about what Cloud had told him. He would have told Aerith in a heartbeat. He trusted her that much. He didn't know if it would be right and fair to Cloud if he told anyone else.
As much as he felt like he could cry over what Cloud was now going through, he was angry. Angry at Hojo mostly, and Shinra. But he was also angry with Tseng for having told Cloud something so sensitive over the phone while he was miles away from home. He really wanted to know how the man had decided that would be an appropriate thing to do, so much so he thought about calling into Shinra to get a hold of him later in the morning, or even marching into headquarters to ask him about it in person.
He made it home without giving in to the nagging need to call Cloud back, lecturing himself on how the one thing Cloud really needed right then was to sleep off whatever he had consumed. When he climbed the stairs outside the building to the second level he looked in the direction of his apartment door and saw someone sitting near to it alone. By the low orange light from the parking lot he was able to make out who it was. Kunsel.
"What are you doing?" he asked his friend when he was at his door.
"Waiting for you," Kunsel said as he stood himself up. That much was obvious. Zack could see he had a backpack with him.
"You here to stay the night?" Zack asked while unlocking the apartment door.
"No, just to talk," Kunsel told him.
Zack pushed the door open then. He stepped into the unit and closed the door after Kunsel when he was inside with him.
"If you're not here to crash, what's with the bag?" he asked as he turned on a light over the stove in the kitchen so they could actually see one another.
"It's just some stuff I don't like leaving in the motel room when I'm at work," Kunsel told him and he nodded in understanding.
"You want some water or anything?" Zack asked him as he was getting a clean glass out of the dishrack next to the sink.
"I'm fine," Kunsel replied. He sat himself down at the small table nearby and after getting himself some water, Zack joined him.
"So, what are we talking about?" Zack asked him when he didn't immediately launch into whatever the reason was for him being there.
"Nothing specifically," Kunsel said in return. "I just thought, with Aerith leaving pretty suddenly that maybe you could use someone to talk to."
Zack gave him a small half-hearted smile before shrugging. "Don't know if there's much to say," he remarked.
Kunsel looked down at the table top between them rested his hands on the placemat in front of him.
"Did she say anything about why she decided to go? Like, what made her leave?" he asked as he picked a little at the placemat's edge.
"Yeah," Zack responded without volunteering any details.
"Well what'd she say?" Kunsel asked to know.
Through a long exhale, Zack told him, "That she needs a break and wants to work on herself."
"Work on herself?" Kunsel repeated in question and Zack shrugged again.
"I guess she wants us both to work on ourselves separately for a while and see where that gets us," he said like the idea was dumb. For the most part he thought it was but clearly it's what Aerith believed they needed.
"What does that mean for your engagement?" Kunsel asked him slowly.
"Your guess is as good as mine," Zack replied dully as he leaned back in his chair and put his hands behind his head.
"So, she's not…" Kunsel started to inquire something but trailed off hesitantly.
"Not what?" Zack asked.
"Uh, well, pregnant?" his friend finally got his words out, albeit uneasily.
"Nope," was all Zack responded with.
"Well, maybe this'll be good for you," Kunsel suggested then and Zack couldn't help but look at him skeptically.
"For me?" Zack replied.
Kunsel nodded. "For both of you. You can take some time to figure out what it is you really want."
"Sure, except for the fact I already know what I want," Zack said back in something of a sharp tone, feeling irritated. He was already on edge from his call with Cloud, and from earlier when Aerith left.
"Well what about what she wants?" Kunsel asked.
"I support her no matter what," Zack said simply.
"What if what she wants isn't you?" was Kunsel's following question that had Zack frowning.
"Is that what you think?" he asked, feeling a bit of suspicion starting to brew in his gut. He was feeling pretty apprehensive about where the conversation was going.
"I don't think anything, I just—" Kunsel began to defend and Zack stopped him.
"You don't?"
"I," Kunsel said before looking away from him. "I kissed her, Zack," he said and the revelation took Zack completely off-guard.
Slowly he dropped his hands from his head and placed them on the table as he leaned forward, closer to Kunsel.
"What did you just say?" he asked.
He'd heard fine but for some reason he still asked. In the back of his mind he'd been a little worried about how much time Aerith and Kunsel had been spending together alone but he told himself he was just being paranoid and over-protective.
"I kissed her," Kunsel repeated.
"Why…would you do that?" Zack asked in a calm voice that didn't actually reflect what he was feeling inside.
"Because I love her," was Kunsel's response.
"Great," Zack muttered as he slumped back into the chair he was sitting in. He put his face in his hands to rub it with exasperation.
"That's it?" he heard Kunsel say and he looked at him fast.
"What do you want me to say to that?" he fired back at him, his tone more aggressive then. "Are you serious?" he asked and Kunsel nodded. "For how long?" was Zack's next question.
"For...ever?" Kunsel replied. "A long time."
The answer made Zack scoff. "That's great," he remarked. "You're the reason she left, aren't you?" he accused then. It made sense.
"You really think that?" Kunsel said back and Zack nodded.
As Kunsel looked away from him Zack asked him, "Am I wrong? What'd you do? Make her doubt the life we have here, the one that she's been fine with until you showed up."
"I didn't just show up, Zack, I was on my own, out of everyone's way, you brought me back into your lives. You asked me to stay," Kunsel argued swiftly. It was a point Zack couldn't really refute.
"Well if I knew you were going to sabotage my damn relationship then I probably would have thought twice," he threw back instead.
"It wasn't me who made her doubt your relationship and your life together," Kunsel claimed then. "I was a friend to her. I listened to all the things she's been holding in and all I told her was that she needs to do what makes her happy. That she should think about herself for once. To stop trying to be what you want or need and be who she's supposed to be."
"What I want and need?" Zack repeated his words with surprise. "I have never stopped her from living her life and being who she wants to be."
"Maybe not purposely," Kunsel shot back. "Just like I'm sure Cloud doesn't purposely try to stop you from living your life the way you should."
The comment had Zack groaning with frustration. "Do you have to bring him into this?" he said.
"Well, he's part of it," Kunsel said back promptly.
Zack was losing patience quickly then. "Man, what is with your need to bring up Cloud and our friendship? I swear you've always had something against the kid and I seriously don't get why!"
"I don't have anything against him," Kunsel denied but he could tell Zack didn't believe him. "Look," he said, his tone softening a little. "I get why you felt obligated to look after him when you were both being held captive by Hojo, but he's not a kid anymore and you're both free to live your lives. His issues aren't your issues and you can go on with life apart from each other. The world's not going to collapse or anything," he remarked sarcastically.
Zack pushed his chair back from the table suddenly and stood up. "I'm not talking about him with you, Kunsel," he stated firmly. "Why don't we get back to the part where you're in love with my fiancé and got it into her head that the only way she'd be happy is if she leaves me?" he said angrily while pointing Kunsel's way. "Some friend you are, after everything and all the time we've known each other," he said before he started heading for the door, feeling pretty ready to throw Kunsel out of the apartment.
"I am your friend," Kunsel said.
"No you're not, man," Zack fired back. "A friend doesn't sleep with his buddy's girl while he's being tortured off in a lab somewhere. He doesn't mess with evidence that could have put the goddamn torturer in prison. He doesn't go behind his buddy's back who's trying to help him and mess with his relationships and his life! Friends have each other's backs. Always."
Standing at the door, he took hold of the handle and pulled it open. He looked at Kunsel expectantly, waiting for him to get up and go.
"You really want me to leave?" Kunsel asked.
"Either you leave, or I'm going to hit you in the goddamn face," Zack warned him.
"Maybe you should," Kunsel replied but Zack had nothing else to say to him. For a moment Kunsel just looked up at him before he finally sighed and stood up.
He said one last thing before stepping outside. "You wish now that Cloud hadn't found me that day on the train, don't you?"
Zack didn't answer the almost derisive sounding question, choosing instead not to say anything. He didn't really even want to look at Kunsel in that moment but he forced himself to, so his old friend would know how upset he was and how serious he was about wanting him to leave.
"Well," Kunsel said when he remained silent. "That makes two of us."