Alex let out a long, frustrated, sigh as she collapsed onto her sofa after returning home from the case in Florida. Hotch had already informed them that they would be headed out on a new case come Monday, which meant this would be her only day at home, and she wanted more time to grow accustomed to this new facet of her relationship with Erin. They weren't exactly friends again, but the intense anger that had driven her into this new role with the BAU had begun to fade a little as the calls that they had shared had become more and more personal. And to her great shock, she actually wanted to speak with Erin more, to find out more about her in the words behind her words, and she didn't know what that meant for everything going forward.

Shaking her head, Alex kicked off her shoes and placed her feet on the coffee table as she let her head thump back against the back of the sofa, staring up at the ceiling. She knew that she wouldn't receive a call from Erin until they were out in the field once more, as she would most likely be spending this time with Rossi, trying to decide if their relationship would be worth continuing. "Why do I care about where her relationship with Rossi is going? I shouldn't even be allowing my heart to grow tender towards her, let alone allowing the feelings that we once shared start to bubble up to the surface of my heart," she muttered as she rubbed her hand against her face.

She was just about to go start her laundry when her phone rang, and she pulled it out of her pocket, immediately accepting the Facetime call from James. "Hey, I'm glad that I caught you at home, Lexie Lou."

"You're lucky, I'm back out in the field tomorrow, according to Hotch. I think that it will be another bad case, from the way that he talked about leaving almost as soon as our briefing was over. But it is so good to see your face again."

James smiled and nodded. "Yours, too. But you look frustrated, Alex. What's wrong?"

She sighed as she shifted how she was sitting on the sofa, curling up on it fully as she shoved herself into the corner as she looked at his face. "So, you know that I've been talking with Erin, ever since I returned to the BAU, but only just recently realized it, yes?"

"Yes."

"Well, on our last call, she was talking about the fact that she doesn't know if she's going to remain in her relationship with Rossi for much longer. She wants something a little more permanent, and he just wants to have fun. She deserves to have something more permanent."

"Oh, that is a new tenderness in your voice with regards to her. When did your heart start thawing?"

She chuckled wryly as she shrugged. "I wish that I could pinpoint it. I genuinely grew to like her over the course of our early talks, since it was like discovering a new friend, even if there were familiar things in our discussions. But we fell asleep together on the phone this last call because she was so upset with the thought of perhaps breaking up with Rossi. And I understand that fear, because I wouldn't want her to end up falling off the wagon once more. She doesn't deserve to go through that hell again."

There was a slight pause where her husband just stared at her, and she could almost guess what he was going to say next. Still, she wasn't prepared for the words that came from his lips moments later. "Do you think that you're developing feelings for her once more?"

"I don't know, and that's the worst feeling in the world. We still haven't talked face to face, all that we've done has been over the phone. We haven't even Facetimed like you and I are doing now. But there's something so tender about her right now, and I just can't stop these feelings that are developing. I love you, James."

"I never doubted that, Alex. But I also knew that you love Erin, too."

"Ha, very funny. You meant to say loved."

He shook his head a little as his eyebrows furrowed together in sympathy. "No, I don't, Alex. You love Erin, otherwise you wouldn't have carried this anger around with you for so long, nor would you be so drawn to Erin as you're knowing her now. I wish that I had an easier answer to give you, but there really isn't one. Humans are messy and full of contradictions and can hold two opposing thoughts at the same time and not acknowledge the cognitive dissonance that might arise from such an occurrence."

"We had so many good years together at the Academy."

James nodded, his smile a little sadder. "And you had some wonderful times together when you were working on the Amerithrax case."

"When did you know?"

"Probably after the first time that you slept together during the course of that case. You wear your feelings for her on your face, and though you try to hide, you can't. Erin has always been like a moon in your orbit. She shines back the love you pour out, and yet it's always a cool light."

Alex swallowed thickly as she nodded. "It was so easy to be hers, and to be yours. She was there, when you weren't, and I didn't know how to tell you that I wanted more, that I wanted my cake and my ice cream."

James's expression softened a little, becoming even sadder as he reached out and touched the screen with his fingertips. A part of Alex knew that he was caressing her face on his side of the world, and she returned the sad smile as she waited for him to respond to her. "I think that you are entirely human for wanting both options, Alex. Erin always filled a part of you that I could never touch, and while she was there with you, and I was working with MSF, it made sense that you would drift together. And I understood that. Because my love for you realizes that you had this deep connection with Erin at the Academy, and that time together shaped who you were. So, what have you discovered about Erin, before you knew she was Erin?"

Alex was grateful for the shift in their conversation, as she wanted something to take her mind off the sadness that was threatening to overwhelm her. "Now that you ask me that question, I suppose that there is something that I didn't know about her at the end of the Amerithrax debacle. I don't think that she meant to reveal that information to me, because it was so personal to her, but I opened the door by mentioning that a colleague had suffered a miscarriage. That was when Louise, aka Erin, told me that this colleague wasn't alone in experiencing that heartbreak."

"Did she mention when she lost her pregnancy?"

Alex took a deep breath as she nodded. "You'd never guess, because I had no idea myself, and I had…I had slept with her three days before she betrayed me in that meeting with our supervisor."

"Oh, Lexie…"

"I know. Both our worlds were falling apart at the same time, and I was so angry that I couldn't see her sorrow. I don't think that it would have made a difference, honestly, but…"

"I think that it would have, Lexie Lou."

She sighed as she nodded. "You always are able to see my heart so clearly, James. So, I don't really want to bring that topic up in our discussions again, but I did tell her a little about Ethan when I thought she was Louise, and it feels like we do have this shared sorrow that binds us close together. I feel like I should bring this up again with her, to let her know that I don't judge her and won't tell her story out of turn, but that it is a safe topic for us to discuss on our midnight calls."

"Are you planning on continuing them, then?"

Alex nodded quickly. "Of course. If you were home, I'd expect you to call me at midnight, like we normally do when you're here. But it is so nice to have that connection with another human being that I can trust. And…I do trust her, when I think of her as Louise. I've kept that ruse up between us, because I'm still torn about how everything went down when I found out who she was. She tried to apologise and make amends, and I'm just not at that stage yet."

"But you are getting closer."

She gave him another small nod before flopping back against the sofa once more. "I am. I won't tell her that, but I am."

James gave her one of his knowing little smirks as he nodded. "All right, I suppose that I need to remind you that you need to make your choices and that we will all need to talk about what decision that you make, since there are four people in this equation that will have their lives changed if you choose Erin."

"Why do you make it sound like I've already made my choice, and that you are resigning yourself to it? I don't know what I'm going to do, besides keep talking to her at midnight. And friends talk to each other at odd times." A small part of her brain recognized that she was deflecting the heart of his words, and he seemed to know that as well from the way he shook his head. "All right, I'll keep that in mind as we move forward from here."

He looked like he was going to say something more, but then an alarm went off in the background. "Sorry, I have to go. But I want you to know that no matter what choice you make, I will love you and respect that, because you will have thought out all the options and arrived at the right decision for everyone. I love you."

"I love you, too, James," she whispered as the call disconnected, and then she dropped her phone onto the coffee table before drawing her knees up tight to her chest and thinking about the conversation she had just had with her husband. She wasn't entirely certain that he was as all right with her redeveloping feelings for Erin. There had been too much sadness in his eyes for him to truly understand what was happening while he was overseas, and a part of her felt like she was cheating him out of a happy marriage. Even if he had suggested they have an open marriage when he decided to join MSF. Even if the only other person that had occupied her bed had been Erin. Shaking her head a little, Alex leaned her head back to stare up at the ceiling. This was a quagmire that she wasn't certain she knew how to escape, which was precisely what she didn't want to happen when she returned to the BAU. That was why she had kept Erin at arm's length, had held onto her anger, because she didn't want to have to deal with these feelings.

Getting to her feet, Alex went up to her room and stripped out of her clothes, picking out some pyjamas before heading into the bathroom and turning on the water, knowing that she needed the bath in order to think about everything that James and she had talked about, along with carefully considering what she was going to do about Erin. Because she truly did want to continue their calls, it was something that she looked forward to, and as the weeks had gone along, Alex had found that she had been calmer while out in the field, knowing that she had someone to vent to. Letting out a deep sigh, she stepped into the water and lowered her body until it was submersed in the water. Maybe there was still a way for her to get out of this emotional quagmire without losing everything once more.