Alex plopped down into her bed and rubbed her face with her hands as she tried to gather her composure. This case was close to home, which allowed her to be home at the end of the night, but she still felt guilty over being able to sleep in her own bed when there were so many parents out there who were probably too worried to sleep that evening. This was the worst part of the job, knowing that there was still so much to do, but also needing a little bit of sleep to be effective for the rest of the case. Kicking off her shoes, she fell back against the mattress and stared up at the ceiling. It was already close to midnight, and she wondered if Erin would call that evening, or if she would be spending all her time with Rossi. It made sense that she would focus on her lover, because Alex knew that if James was home, he'd be doing the same for her.

Sighing, she pushed herself back up, getting to her feet and padding over to her armoire, pulling out a fresh set of pyjamas and shed her clothes. After pulling on her nightclothes, Alex made her way back to bed and slipped beneath the covers before curling up around the extra pillow as she tried to calm her mind enough so that she could sleep. Just as she was about to close her eyes, her phone went off, and she found herself smiling as she turned onto her side and reached out for her phone.

"Hello, Louise."

"Hi. I'm sorry that this call is a little late tonight, I had to wait until David was asleep so that I could slip out of bed and head for the living room, so that he won't overhear this conversation. He still doesn't know that I'm talking to you at midnight, and I don't want to share this special time with him."

"James knows about our calls, I had to let him know. But I understand wanting to keep this just between us. James doesn't mind that we talk, or that there might be more to our conversations than I've told him. How are you doing with this case? It has to be hard on you."

"How did you know?"

Alex paused to gather her thoughts before answering. "If I remember correctly, the kidnapped children are around Bruce's age, so it has to feel like it's hitting a little too close to home."

"You remembered my children's ages?"

"Yes," she quickly replied, glad that Erin wasn't in the room with her, as she could feel how warm her cheeks were becoming, the blush telling her that she was a little too happy with pleasing Erin. "After all, I remember Ethan's birthday by looking at Spencer. They would have been the same age, had everything gone the right way. And I kept thinking about how I would feel if he were one of the kidnapped children, but I couldn't let anyone know, since no one knows about Ethan on the team. Except for you."

"I think that if you told them, you'd be surprised at how much they understand. I was surprised at how Aaron didn't judge me for my alcohol problem. He was much more forgiving than I thought possible, and always made certain to check in on me while I was in the rehab facility that IAB chose for me. It was a little embarrassing at first, to know that I had failed so spectacularly, and that Aaron had to keep tabs on me, but as the days passed, I came to see that maybe my outlook on life needed to change, that I needed to let people in. As I've started to make my circle larger, I've found that I may have missed out on so much by being so insular. And I know that we're not quite at the place where we can consider each other friends, but I like to think of you as close to me."

"I think that we're closer to friends than we were when I first rejoined the BAU. Though it may just be baby steps, I am enjoying our conversations, and I think that I am ready to call you Erin on these calls. It might be a little awkward if JJ overhears me address you, but she's usually out like a light by the time you call me."

"Truly?"

"Yes, I wouldn't say anything that I don't mean. We were always honest with each other, up until that one, crucial, moment."

Erin sniffled a little before coughing, and Alex wondered if she was catching a cold or if she was crying. Either was not a good outcome, but she was hoping that it was tears, since that was an easier fix. "I know, I fucked up so badly when you needed me to be true. I'm just sorry that John was caught in the crosshairs as well. If I could go back and change one thing about that time, it would be that I took more responsibility for what our team discovered, and shared the onus for the outcome. I know, I've told you this countless times, but I feel like my brain keeps going round and round the past in an effort to figure out how to properly atone for my mistakes."

"You can't change the past, we can only move forward. And James would say that it's a good thing that I've finally allowed my walls to come down in regards to you. I would say that they are once more scalable, Erin. It will be difficult to completely raze them, but with hard work, that might be possible one day."

"And that is truly all that I ever wanted. The chance to think about moving forward and building something new from the rubble of our friendship and the wall you rightfully built between us. Oh, Alex, what if those parents get the worst news? You know what they'll experience, but that is my worst fear."

This time, Alex could hear the tears in her voice, and knew that the woman was crying as quietly as she could, in order to not call it to Alex's attention. She understood the reticence, but a part of her knew that she needed to hold Erin accountable for her sadness, as if they wanted this new phase of their friendship to work, they needed to be totally honest with each other. Just as she was about to talk some more, she heard Dave's low voice talking to Erin, and the muffled reply that she gave. Impatiently, Alex waited for Erin to return to her, trying not to acknowledge the fact that she did feel a tiny bit jealous of the fact that Dave was with Erin, while she was not. They were nowhere near that point in their relationship where she could truly be jealous of the fact that Erin was in a relationship with another person, after all.

"Can, can I come over?" Erin whispered a few minutes later, and Alex knew that she couldn't deny her that sweet request.

"Of course. Do you remember the way to our place?"

"Yes."

"Good. I'll have a pot of tea brewing, and the guest room is ready for a visitor at any time. I'll see you soon." Before Erin could say another word, Alex ended the call and then got to her feet, throwing on a robe before heading downstairs and into the kitchen. It didn't take long to turn the kettle on, and then she was rummaging through her cupboard for tea that wouldn't keep them awake for too long, since they both had to work in the morning. Once she found a nice, soothing, blend, she grabbed two mugs and set them on the kitchen table before collapsing on a chair and waiting for Erin to arrive.

Just as the kettle announced that the water was ready, Erin pulled into her driveway, and she turned off the kettle before heading to the front door and welcoming her inside. Erin didn't even look at her as she slipped past her into the house. "Thank you for this."

"You're welcome," she replied as they went into the kitchen, and Alex poured water into each mug before picking up her teabag and dropping it into the mug. "But why did you want to come over? I didn't hear the two of you arguing."

"He wanted me to come back to bed, or talk to him. And I didn't want to end our conversation, but I didn't know how to ask you for something that I wanted, but didn't truly need. We could have talked tomorrow night, too, but…"

"You're hurting now. And this will probably sound so crass coming from me, since I haven't really acknowledged your struggle with sobriety, but are you craving right now?"

Erin looked down into her mug as she gave Alex a tiny nod. "I have been since David let me know that things were going sideways in the case. I tried to keep myself in the best headspace, but it was so difficult as I kept putting myself in the parents' position, and I spiraled so quickly. David was so sweet, trying to keep me distracted, but I knew that I needed to talk to you, and that you would be able to talk me to sleep. Your Louise is so tired, Lexie."

Taking a good look at Erin, Alex could see the truth of her words, and she nodded as she wrapped her hands around her mug. "I can see that in your face, Erin. Do you just want to skip the tea and head up to bed?"

"A part of me wants to say yes, but my mind keeps racing around through the what ifs and worst-case scenarios. David would try to sing me to sleep, but I would probably just humor him by appearing to be asleep. And I don't even know what I want to talk about?"

"I suppose that I could talk at you for a little while. Is there something that you'd like to hear?"

Alex didn't know why she was feeling particularly shy in that moment, but there was something that seemed to be holding her back, as if her heart didn't want to keep secrets any longer, even if that would be in their best interests for the moment. "Talk to me about your classes at Harvard. Even though I read what you publish, I don't understand everything, and I want to know more about your students."

"All right." Alex was surprised at the thoroughly neutral topic that Erin chose, having expected her to ask about Ethan, or the case, or her marriage. Still, this was a nice change of pace, and she leaned back in her chair as she began to regale Erin with tales of her students until she saw that the woman's head was dipping downwards a little too often for her not to be thoroughly ready for sleep. "And with that, I think that we need to get you upstairs to the guest room. I see that you brought an overnight bag?"

"I did, because once I'm asleep, I won't be awake until it's time to head to work. I hope that you don't mind the presumption?"

"I wouldn't have agreed for you to come over to my home if I didn't want you here. You know that I never do anything that I don't want." Alex got to her feet and dumped the rest of her tea in sink before gesturing towards the doorway. Erin nodded and copied Alex's movements before following Alex deeper into the house, picking up her bag from the floor of the hallway before they made their way upstairs.

Alex turned into the guest room, making her way over to the bed, turning down the covers as she heard Erin drop her bag on the floor. While her back was still towards the woman, Alex took a few deep breaths as she waited for Erin's next move. To her shock, Erin spread out her hand on Alex's back, tapping her fingers against it a few times before passing Alex and shrugging out of her coat, letting it drop to the floor as Erin climbed into bed, pulling the covers up around her waist as she turned to face the wall away from Alex. "Thank you," she whispered.

"You're welcome." Alex frowned a little as she turned on her heel and made her way back to her bedroom, wondering where, exactly, they went from here, since she didn't want their midnight calls to become regular midnight visits. But this one time, at least, felt right to her, and her frown turned into a slight smile as she considered the idea of bringing Erin coffee once in a while, just to check up on how she was doing in addition to their calls. That thought alone told her that she was thawing towards Erin, but for the first time, she found that she didn't much care that that was the truth.