Disclaimer: Bonesboy15 doesn't own Helluva Boss or Naruto. The following is a written work of fan-fiction. It contains adult language and situations. Reader discretion is advised.

One Knuckleheaded Glutton

Happy (Hotel) Meal

"What do you mean I'm not going to be his first client?!"

Verosika Mayday was known for many things. Her musical artistry, her orgasmic performances, her phenomenal titjobs, the list goes on. The one thing Verosika had a small problem with was being denied things. She was a motherfucking pop sensation, the hottest fucking thing to cum out of the Ring of Lust since actual fucking sex got discovered by the first hairy rat that crawled across the ground, getting denied wasn't something that happened. Especially since it came from someone she considered a friend.

Yeah, she was a little miffed that Tex denied her advances, semi-playful as they were, but as soon as she saw Bee's stake on him, she backed right the fuck off. Piss off an Overlord or noble demon by fucking one of their lovers-slash-fucktoys? Sure, Verosika might risk that since she had the backing of Asmodeus himself for most of her seductions (as was the norm for Succubi and Incubi). Risk pissing off an actual fucking Sin by fucking the lucky bastard that was deemed their partner? Even her brain-dead, backstabbing, horse fucker of an ex-boyfriend wasn't that fucking stupid!

That said, the reason for this denial, this refusal of compliance, from the only other Sin she thought she could rely on to back her through thick and thin didn't make any fucking sense! As far as Verosika knew, Tex and Bee were going fucking Mono! It was rumored Bee's polyamorous playtime had been on a serious decline for centuries before they met, but those were just rumors! Why would Verosika just believe that shit!? What, was this-this Na-ru-to guy her secret gimp that she didn't want to share with anyone else? Is that why she called him her 'Baby Bro'?

"Vee, bitch, you know I love you, but check the fucking attitude." Bee warned from where she was looking through a cache of furniture miniatures made from honey. She held a small loveseat up and twisted it about in her hand. "Besides, Tex and I agreed to find someone else for him to work with. What do you think of this Sheraton? Good for the remodeling?"

"I think it clashes with the–Wait, no, hold the Hellphone! Fucking why can I not have that stud on my payroll?! I'd take great care of him! You know that!" Verosika pouted. Seriously, Bee was the one who trusted Verosika, a fucking Succubus, with her boyfriend. Again, Verosika wasn't stupid enough to try anything with a Sin's significant other, but the point stands.

"Yeah, I'm sure you would…" Bee rolled her eyes as she set the Sheraton loveseat aside and picked up from another model couch set. She squinted at it and turned it around in her hands to look at it from different angles. "Until you tried to sleep with him for the first time. Then, you might find yourself in the hospital."

"Wh–huh?!" Verosika scowled. Why would she end up in the hospital after a night with this guy. …Unless…"Wait, are you trying to say–"

"Yeah, he'd probably beat the shit out of you." "He'd fuck me so good I'd be hospitalized?!"

The Succubus and the Sin stared at one another. The former felt her eye twitch and all sorts of thoughts raced through her head. She quickly wiped the drool away as what the Sin said finally broke through the light haze of Lust-induced stupor that her imagination put her in.

"What is that supposed to mean!?" Verosika pointed at the now laughing Sin. "Explain yourself, Bee!"

"I don't owe you anything, Vee." Bee smirked. Her eyes flashed red and Verosika suddenly remembered that while Bee was a close friend and could be total jackass sometimes, she was also the Sin of Gluttony. A being with power that far surpassed her own. A creature that could snuff her out with a flick of her wrist if she so wished. Verosika felt the weight of the world fall off of her shoulders when Bee chuckled and set the couch in her hand down. "Bu-u-ut, I guess it'd be too mean not to explain."

"Finally." Verosika sat back in a honey-coloured chair and crossed her arms. "Is this about how the Crew acted? Because I can get them to back off...for, like, his first day."

Anything more would take nothing less than an orgy up-top to distract them. Some of the ideas they had for Bee's Fox-boy were kinky as Here. Others were going on Verosika's to-do list ASAP.

"No, but while you bring it up, don't let them run apeshit like that in my house, again. It took a week to fix the eastern bathroom because you and your Crew kept ambushing my fucking labor force trying to fuck them." Bee scowled at her, Verosika quickly nodded. She'd make sure to get that point across. Also, sweet fuck, did a 'Fucking Labor Force' sound like a great song title or what? Verosika just needed a good beat to go with it...and to go off on her–Focus, Bee is talking!

"So, like, since day fucking one, my Baby Bro attracted all sorts of Minor D's; you know, the shitty kind that bother everyone, both Above and Below. The ones he attracts the most though tend to come from Lust, I guess." Bee twirled a right hand while the other picked up a miniature Victorian-based coffee table. Good thing she managed to reign in her spastic attention span, because the next words stole all of Verosika's focus for the forseeable future. "Which is so fucking weird because he's a virgin."

Virgin? What? No, no. No-no-no-no-no, fucking no. Bee didn't, she didn't just say that. A virgin demon in Hell? Ha! No...No way. ...Oh, shit. That was her serious face. Then..?

"Fuck." Verosika's jaw dropped. There was a Lucifer-praised virgin demon in Hell. That meant...That meant–!

Uncured Fuck Meat was on the table!

"Uh, Vee?"

There's an unpunched V-Card up for grabs!

An non-donuted hot dog!

A sweet, untapped storage of nut!

All of that sexual energy...that ass has been left for any fucking whore to come across! And it was hers! Hers! HERS!

"Verosika?"

Oh, Verosika was going to ride that boy's fucking dick to the End of Days and back to the first fucking Light! The next album she released was going to be inspired by, dedicated to, and fucking sponsored by the virgin ride she was about to have! She was going to find that fine little piece of ass and give him the best fucking of his li–

"Hlurk!" Verosika gagged, and not in a fun way, on something sticky and sweet. Her eyes crossed and she dropped out of the chair. Before she could decide how to properly react – it was very kinky to play in erotic asphyxiation, but also very deadly; Verosika rarely indulged in it for the latter reason – the sticky and sweet substance forced its way out of her mouth. Free from the danger, she hacked and coughed.

"Yo, Bitch, you back with it now?"

"What–" Verosika coughed and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. She glared at her "friend's" indifferent face. "What the fuck, Bee?! Warn a bitch before you decide to throatfuck 'em! Gawd-damn!"

"Oh, so that is something I should worry about. I thought he was just overreacting." Bee hummed as she looked over the giant green utensil that had honey on it. She shrugged and crossed all four of her arms. "You were 'gasming on my chair. That's a party foul."

Oh, right. There's a virgin demon in Hell–Wait, no, don't cycle! She needs confirmation.

"He's a virgin?"

"I don't personify my furniture."

"Wh-No! Your little secret boy-toy you kept from me!"

"Oh. I mean, as far as I know. I'm not asking him and dealing with having that knowledge." Bee hummed with her brow furrowed and then picked up a miniature stool. "What do you think, postmodern back in?"

"Bee, no shit. Don't fuck with me on this." Verosika stepped forward. "Is he...Is he a virgin?"

"I mean, he was like fucking ten when I got him, and the amount of Sig-O's he's had since then is still zero, so...fuck, probably?" Bee shrugged. Verosika stared at her, jaw agape. She shook her head and cycled her hands.

"...And to clarify, you're not gonna let him work for me because…Why?!"

"I don't want to have to worry about Tex getting hospitalized trying to protect you from my Baby Bro's fury." Bee shrugged. She gestured at the still wrecked room they were in. "I mean, this is what happened when we fought. And I'm stronger than him."

Huh, that was a good point. A very good point. It only made Verosika's ire grow because she couldn't argue against it!

"...But he's single, right?"

"Yes-Wait, no. Go easy on him, Vee. He's just getting over having his heart broken."

That's...Perfect! Broken hearted men were so fucking easy to lure in. They want to forget their last loves and–Wait a second.

"Okay, hold on, he's heartbroken, but a virgin–How old is he?"

"Old enough."

"Bee!"

"You're not getting him as a bodyguard. I'm not telling you anything else. Now help me pick out new furniture." Bee deadpanned, holding four different miniatures up, one in each hand. Verosika growled and gesticulated before she collapsed to the floor in defeat. Bee was shutting her down, which meant her patience was at its limit. She grabbed a small model chair and eyed it. Then held it out to the Sin.

"Here. Do stuff more like this."

"Oooh, yes!" Bee grinned as she twisted the little chair around. "Urban Collective does have a group-vibe to it! I like."

Verosika cracked a small smile, but in the sanctuary of her own mind, she schemed. She plotted. What Bee didn't know, wouldn't hurt her, and without Bee hurt, Verosika was in the clear to act. All she had to do was make sure she got that sweet, sweet virgin bussy before some other, unworthy bitch rolled in and snatched him up.

Contrary to what Blitzø thought, Loona did have a morning routine other than rolling out of bed and growling at him until she got through her first cup of coffee and cigarette. It was the same as most other Hellhounds'; since they had been created by the powers of Bee-Lzebub to be guards or hunting aids, their sleep patterns were lighter to most other sentients. Deep sleep never truly lasted long without sufficient aid, and alcohol certainly counted as such. A sense of comfort also helped, be it due to familiar locations or people deemed theirs around them. Despite being adopted, whenever Loona had blacked out from a night of drinking — which in and of itself was a rare occurrence given Blitzø's overbearing nature — she always woke up in the space that was called hers. It wasn't though; often it had been intruded upon, and though that happened with good intentions, the fact remained that Loona didn't, couldn't deem her room 'safe'.

Her bedding back home wasn't ever this comfortable and the shitty blankets they threw on the cots in the orphanage was never this warm. Or fuzzy soft, almost ticklish on her neck. Or - cue subconscious whiff here - smelled like violets and not-quite-coconuts. Heck, there was even a small hint of her own favorite — secreted away in a box labeled "Spiders Only!" — vanilla perfume mixed into the bedsheet. Mm, a blend of vanilla sounds fucking great right now, just a small taste wouldn't hurt, maybe trick her higher functions into gear (worked before, don't ask)

The moment her teeth nipped the blanket, it shook with a low rumble — something hard started to press into her knee!

Feeling of comfort and safety lost by the sudden intrusion of pressure on her person, Loona's eyes snapped open.

Huh, when did she get orange colored pillowcases? And, shit, did she bite her tongue? There's some blood on it. Quick graze of teeth with tongue and no blood, so at least that was fucking something. Blitzø wasn't back to watching her while she slept because of some concussion or something, was he? She thought she broke him of that habit—Hey, the hard thing moved up to press into her thigh and the blanket… hugged her stomach? What the sh-? Her cradled pillow moved of its own accord and fucking nuzzled her shirt just above her tits—Why was she wearing her shirt in bed?

"No vegeta... Lee, beef ramen..."

The flying pig-fuckery was that? Loona thought, and went to sit up. This was a mistake for two reasons: first, whatever it was she thought was a pillow not only wasn't, but it had weight to it that kept her pinned; and the second reason—

"Fucking shit, piss ass, hangovers!" She hissed, her eyes squeezed shut as she flinched and tightened her arms around her not-pillow.

—The (unfortunate) familiar feeling of a goddamn hammer being cracked against the inside of her head made itself known.

"Hum, nah, I'll use gouda for cleanup..." The not-pillow told her left breast.

Cracked through scrunched eyelids, and biting curses back as she did, Loona forced herself to re-examine the not-pillow. It was a sleeping male figure with Hellhound-ish features that welcomed her gaze, content where he lay nuzzled against her still clothed chest. He had a longer snout that had dark marks on either side of his cheek, similar to the black fur around his eyes, and a bit of a creamy hue was visible from what she could see of his lower jaw. His ears — while not massive things, they were not smaller than any Hellhound's she'd seen — flicked erratically and one tickled her chin with each shift. Her claws were twined in a thicker patch of orange fur that sprouted atop his head — not unlike her own mane, it was set for the most part between his ears — sprinkled with flecks of gold and crimson.

"Na...Ruto?" She tested the name and cautiously drug her claws through the thick fur they were in. There was a staccato of soft thumps that came from further past his head and a gentle rumble that warmed her core. Given the skull-bash of a headache throb just trying to lift her head caused, Loona was willing to assume it was the Foxfiend's wriggling tail. She glanced at her claws and their placement in his hair, before she detangled them and tried to get a feel for the situation.

Unlike her, his top had come off, allowing her quite a glimpse at his bare back. It was defined, for sure, and his shoulders were wider than she expected. Various bits of cream streaks were visible all over his coat, almost like scars. Loona noticed them before, but now that she could almost appreciate them, it really did something for—Hangover! Right! Fuck!

Okay, recap. What the fuck happened last night? Loona did her best to navigate the treacherous road of thinking hard while hungover.

They went to that shitty diner where Naruto and she started drinking, and every third drink they started bickering? No, biting..each other? That didn't sound right—Oh, right, the cook brought a banquet of glorified Brunch-approved bar food over, which they 'fought' each other for. The fucking Sinners that were there egged them on — she thought she heard the spider-faced freak say he kept track to record the 'high score'? Loona kind of wanted to know how she did.

Then, more drinking happened, she blabbed about Blitzø probably and he mentioned another B name. She vaguely remembers about a knife and another chef… and there might have been a fight? Hangover aside, Loona felt fine, so she might've just watched it? Then there was louder shouting and a happy bright smile before...nope, nothing.

The knock on the door that followed might as well have been a gong being sounded. Loona tried to growl, but that made the fucking steel-toed boot kick her in the skull again. Instead, she whined and clutched her eyes shut while she squeezed—oh, shit she was basically using Naruto's head as a security pillow, wasn't she?

Well, fair's fair, he was using her tits as one, so whatever.

"Go-o-od morn-!"

"Shut the fuck up!" Loona hissed before she glared through a slit in her eyelids at…Fuck.

She was so fucking dead. No, this was beyond death, she was going to be eradicated from existence. Fuck her life, all she wanted was to have a fun night on her birthday, and have sex at least once before she bit the dust. Wait, maybe she—no, of course fucking not. A twitch of her tail told her that her shorts were still on and a shift of her hips confirmed they were still fastened in place.

Goddammit.

Fucking why in the ever-loving fuck was Princess Charlotte fucking Morningstar in this fucking room?! Wasn't she on some fucking crusade or some shit to—fuck, what did that podcast interview say? She wanted to redeem Sinners?

"Ooh, sorry." Well okay, if she's going to die to the Princess of Hell, at least the Princess is trying to be fucking nice about it. There was a sympathetic wince as Lucifer's fucking Daughter stepped in. "Hangover?"

No shit, Sherlock. Loona bit down on the knee jerk retort. She closed her eyes and gently, barely even moving, nodded her head once. Nope! Still too much movement. Ugh, someone put her out of her fucking misery already.

"Here, open your mouth. It's an old remedy of my Father's." An old remedy, sure, something biblical to make it quick would be nice. A decent poison to numb the pain before she drifted off to the endless slumber. And it would taste like...like...

...Is this shit wine?

Yes. Yes, it is.

Christ on a stick, there is a God! Fuck yes, best death ever! Loona practically stole the bottle out of Morningstar's hands to guzzle it.

"Whoa, slow down there!" Loona managed a weak growl when the bottle was tugged from her grasp. "You'll get more once you wake up more. First, let's get the lump up."

Lump, what fucking lump? All Loona knew about what was in the room was herself and—

Morningstar's fingers pinched down on Naruto's snout and she lifted him off of Loona's chest — ugh, cold! Put him back! — before she used another hand to force an eye open and huh, the unfocused blues were pretty in their own way.

"Wake up, Naru!"

The forcibly opened eye started to focus and gain color, before it dimmed down again. Morningstar hummed and let his head back down. On Loona's stomach. No, wrong, his head was warm, put it back.

"Well, I don't like doing this but I have no other option." The Princess sighed and glanced at Loona. "You may want to cover your ears. This can get loud."

Of fucking course it does. Still, Loona abided by the advice and put her hands on her ears. It wouldn't stop her from hearing what was said literally right in front of her, but she probably wouldn't be deafened now. Maybe.

Morningstar took a few steps back and closed the door. She took a deep breath, and then spoke very calmly.

"Naru? Na-ru~?" Okay, Princess or not, she needed to ease off of the sing-song cutesy shit. "The head chef made his signature Ramen, and Dad's going to eat all of it."

Wait, seriously? That was the 'loud' method she used to wake—Cold! Very fucking cold now! Loona wants her heated, fuzzy Foxfiend blanket and pillow back right the fuck now!

"THE FUCK HE IS! THAT'S MY GODDAMN RAMEN, YOU FUCKING SHORT-KING WANNABE!"

Something shot from the room and crashed through the now closed door. A loud clang from the other side made Loona wince, before she accepted the bottle of wine from the Princess. A low moan echoed back into the room and Loona tentatively peered into the light. Naruto cradled his snout and curled into the fetal position, right beneath a dented silver platter that was hung from a string. The string broke and dropped onto his head.

"Ow! Fuck!"

"Charlie?!" Oh great, more loud people. A purpley skinned girl darted into the room and started to look the Princess over. "Are you okay? What the fuck was that?!"

"I'm fine, Vaggie, it's okay. It's just one of my dad's friends." Morningstar appeased the girl, Vaggie, with a raised hand. She smiled at her before she looked back at Loona. "How's the head?"

"…" Loona took another swig from the bottle of wine and sighed. "I wouldn't mind a cigarette, but this helps."

"You shouldn't smoke, it's not good for someone your age."

"I'm Twenty-One."

"So young." Morningstar gushed. Her eyes got wide and sparkly as she cradled her face. "You're like a little puppy!"

"Charlie, she's Twenty-One." Thank you, one-eyed purple girl. Who smells a lot like spoiled chicken and...the Princess? Almost intimately—…Loona should just keep that bit to herself for now.

"Time works differently in Hell, Vaggie." Morningstar waved off the support. Wow, seriously a bitch move, and no it fucking didn't. She leaned into Loona's space, and the Hellhound growled. "Oh, you're so cute. No wonder Naru-Lzebub likes you."

Naru-Lzebub. Naru-Lzebub?

The near-empty bottle of wine fell out of Loona's grasp.

"L-Lzebub?" She repeated. "As in, he's a member of the House of Beelzebub? The same Beelzebub that created Hellhounds for Lucifer to stock his army with before the first human soul fell? That Beelzebub?"

"Yep! That's Auntie Bee for you!" Morningstar nodded while her...girlfriend(?) Vaggie clapped a hand over her face. Loona stared at her, trying to comprehend how the adorable idiot she kind of (definitely) didn't mind being around, was a member of the same prestigious House that supposedly scioned Loona's very own fucking Hellborn ancestors.

"Ugh, what stomped on my head? Fuck..." The Hellhound glanced past the Princess of Hell at the doofus that was getting back to his feet. He rubbed the back of his head and stepped in through the remnants of the door. As he did, there were two things Loona noticed immediately.

Number one: Naruto had no fucking right to look that fucking good without a fucking shirt while Loona was too hungover to really enjoy it. He was even posing — unintentionally, sure, but posing all the same! — the same way those model Hounds do with their 'fuck me' faces for the camera! Not that Loona ever looked at them for things other than the clothes they advertised. ..Maybe once or twice—it's not important.

Number two: Someone, Sinner or Hellborn, needed to get this idiot out of those overwashed, light hued jeans and into something darker to go with his fur coat. What, did he just grab the first fucking thing he could find yesterday? Loona was far from a fashionista but, cute ass or not, that much orange could not be countered by that little, off-color blue.

"Ugh, my fucking head. Oh, hey Charlie—Charlie!" Damn, he moved fast when he wanted to. Mm, Loona didn't know how she felt about him being so close to Morningstar. And judging by the glare on Vaggie's face, there was a mutual agreement. Oh, wait. The Wriggler was in full motion. "I swear that I heard you say something about Ramen? Where is it?! Did your Dickhole Deadbeat eat my fucking Ramen?! AGAIN?!"

"Sorry, Naru. There's no Ramen." Huh, Loona had never seen someone's jaw drop to the ground in real life. That's a Here of a bite radius..an-n-n-nd now she just remembered how tongue length correlates with the mouth radius. Fuck, no, Loona, do not have hangover horny! There's too many important people in this room for that!

Why did it suddenly feel so hot in here—holy fucking shit, wrath of the fucking Legion, what was that feeling?!

"Charlie." The lone male in the room growled.

Well. Fuck. Loona had a new favorite sound and she half-wanted him to say her name with—goddammit, she was hangover horny. Ugh, why did she decide to drink last night? Oh, right, a stupid cute guy gave her attention, helped her celebrate her birthday and made her feel so many fucking weird things on the inside.

"Sorry!" Morningstar held her hands up and backed into the wall. Vaggie stupidly -bravely? ..No, stupidly- stepped up to defend her woman. Naruto's eyes started to glow…white? Interesting, his House Seal did the same thing. Maybe that was because of the magic he used? Wait, focus, Loona. There was an irate House Demon not two feet from you. "I had to say something to get you off of your girlfriend!"

Alright, then. Loona didn't exactly mind that being the first thought Morningstar had about their relationship.

…Girlfriend?

What?

Naruto's growl stopped on a dime and he stared at his quasi-niece, who was somehow older and younger than him at the same time —don't ask, he didn't understand how it worked either. He blinked as she blinked back. Then her eyes darted to the side. And again. What, was this a new tic of hers she developed after her mother disappeared, or was this just some sort of Pride thing he didn't understand?

"Look at the bed, genius." Said the girl that smelled not like a Sinner, but not Hellborn either. Almost like a rotten chicken? Maybe? Her 'vibes' were anything but pleasant and they were throwing him off.

Wait, bed?

Naruto turned and—Oh, hey. Damn. Loona lounging like that was doing things for him. Not unlike when she carried him through the portal to Pentagram City. ...Hold on, a thought occurred, the term Charlie used earlier. His face erupted in flames and he rounded on his quasi-niece.

"Girlf-?! Loona's-She's not my girlfriend, Charlie!" Naruto refuted with a small laugh. Sure, would he mind it? No, but the fact was–hm, a whole rank of 'bad vibes' just filled the air. He shifted uncomfortably and scratched the ruff on his chest. "I mean...come on, do you really think I could land a knockout like that?"

Oh, hey, that awesome tasting familiar-but-not 'vibe' suddenly came back! He really needed to sit down for a spell to figure out what it meant and where it was coming from. Or just bite the bullet and ask Bee. ...So, figuring it out himself then, probably.

"Absolutely." Aw, it was actually sort of sweet that Charlie thought so much of his non-existent dating skill, but it was justifiably balanced by her weird Chicken-Friend's flat: "Hell no."

"Vaggie!" Charlie hissed at the Chicken-Friend, Vaggie.

"Charlie, we found them drunk and fighting in the middle of Cannibal Town with The Bone Demon."

"The 'Bone' De–? Oh, you must mean Kaguya! Yeah! I fuckin' hate that guy." Naruto growled at the brief flashes of memory he had of the walking, skeletal reptilian before they died. He shook off the feeling and perked up. "Oh-oh, did I win?!"

"An Overlord stepped in." Vaggie said, glaring at him, which, why? He didn't do anything...That he remembers. "There wasn't a winner, the Cannibals couldn't keep track of who was friend or foe, you stumbled into an Overlord's territory and fucked with their people!"

"Wow. I'm kind of surprised an Overlord actually stepped into one of my fights. Last one I met was...Zeitgeist? Zekiel?" Naruto muttered with a frown and tapped his chin. He shrugged. "Meh, he got over the lost arm eventually. I think."

"You think?" Both Loona and Vaggie asked. He looked between them before he focused on Loona – she wasn't glaring at him and he liked her scent better – with a grin.

"I mean, I never heard any complaints."

Huh, why'd her face get red–Oh, her tail's wagging. That's cute. Naruto would bet bowls of Ramen that her tail was softer than her hair. ...Why would he know how soft her hair was? He didn't touch it during the blackout...right? No, no, he must've just looked at it.

"...I now understand why Auntie Bee doesn't let you out unsupervised." Charlie mused. Naruto felt his ears go straight up and his tail froze.

"What? That's not true. I make runs to other Rings all the fucking time!" He scoffed, looked away and crossed his arms. His lips pursed together and scrunched his eyes shut as doubt and uncertainty started to fall in. Their recent fight, her concerns, he remembered it so fucking clearly – unlike the fight last night, which is super fucking disappointing. He needed at least one memory of breaking Kaguya's fucking nose in his brain – but for her to be, what, following him?! Nope. No, he was not going to entertain that fucking thought. A growl rumbled in his chest and his tail lashed before his lips curled.

"There is no goddamn way I'm being watched without knowing it." His eyes cracked open to focus on a small, buzzing bug in the corner of the room. It erratically zipped about for a moment before it landed on the wall. It skittered into a crack and his eyes narrowed. "I would taste it."

"He's good...Do you think he suspects something?"

"I think it best for you to cease bothering me as I partake in my portion of a bargain with an old acquaintance."

"...What the fuck does that even mean?" Vaggie asked, the 'vibes' around her were all sorts of sour and bitter. Ugh, fucking disgusting, and her scent was just–it wasn't right! Something about it pissed him off on principle; it was like he was around Lucifer, again!

"It means, Chicken," Naruto snarled – huh, a bit sour-er now with that sudden spurt of Fear that mingled with her 'vibes', weird – at her. "That you need to stop fucking glaring at me like I killed your goddamn cat! I don't even know who the fuck you are or what I fucking did to piss you off, if I even did anything!"

"¡Escucha, Zorro–!"

"Whoa! Whoa, okay, everyone. Let's calm down. Deep breaths…" Charlie stepped between them and gave Naruto a Look. Right, okay, friend of Lucifer's daughter. She's protected. He can deal with that. He forced out the 'Bad Vibes' with a snort and worked his jaw before he nodded at the Princess of Hell. The Look dropped and Charlie smiled at him. Then she turned to Vaggie.

"Vaggie," Charlie put a hand on her friend's shoulder and smiled at her. "Why don't you go check on the wiring?"

"Wha–Charlie, you can't be seri–?!"

"Please?" The Princess fluttered her lashes and widened her smile. Neat trick, seemed to help Vaggie relax.

"...Fine," Vaggie gave him one last parting glare before she left the room.

"Seriously, who pissed in her Ramen?"

"...Why would anyone–No, fuck it. I don't care." Loona sighed and grabbed a bottle that was beside the bed along with her phone. Ah, she was tuning out...and looked hot doing it, god-dammit. Was it wrong that he really wished she'd wanted to date; he hadn't been this interested in somebody in...Since the first go?

Fucking... c'est la vie.

"Sorry, Naru, we're...we were, um, in the middle of something when, uh, Dad called and, um, told me to get you out of Cannibal Town." Charlie sighed and leaned against the wall. "I'm worried I'm asking for too much from her."

"Who even is she?" Naruto frowned. He didn't like not knowing people close to the big-wigs of Hell. Part of his duties as a member of Queen Bee's House is to keep track of any VIPs to be invited to 'Important' parties. At least he knew Charlie's plus one wasn't going to be that ignorant little jerkass from the von Eldritch family. Hopefully.

"Vaggie's...someone I met after the Extermination." Charlie looked away from him and smiled? Huh, that same weird 'vibe' came back to taste again.

...Nope, still no idea.

A sharp whistle had him wince and whirl around. Loona stared at him. She nodded at Charlie, then at the door, and then rolled her hand.

...Yeah, he had no idea what the fuck that meant.

Clearly, his confusion was evident on his face because Loona rolled her eyes and started gesturing–Oh. Oh! ...Ohh...Yeah, no, he had to update Charlie's information on the VIP list. She had a new plus one.

"Right. (Thank you)." He whispered with his hands pressed together and a small bow. Some things just weren't forgotten, even in the next life. Loona curled her lips up and then looked back at her phone.

Man, she still looked great after a night drinking themselves stupid. ...He should really stop staring at her. Any fucking second now. He had to tear his eyes away from her before she caught him staring and thinks he's some kind of Pervy-Sage-like creep, right now! ...Fucking now! Okay, just-just find a new focus, then, play it off like you zoned out! You zone out when you're hungover, Charlie will back you up on that. Maybe part of the bed and–nope those are her hips. Her curvy, curvy hips that he really wanted to run his hands and claws over – and that line of thought was going to get him in serious trouble! Stop staring! Dipshit, stop staring at her, she's not interested, she's a friend! And that's totally fine. Really.

...Ugh, this is how the whole Sakura-chan thing started! Do I really want a repeat of that!? Well, that thought did it, now he was looking away and playing with the ruff on his chest. Trying to ignore the sick twist he felt–Wait a minute.

"Where's my shirt?"

"Why?" Loona stared at him. Not his eyes, but his...chest? Uh, flattering, but...kind of weird...Then again, he just did the same thing to her curvy hips. Does that make him a hypocrite? ...Fuck it. He didn't care how people stared at him unless they made it Lust-levels of weird.

"Because I liked that shirt...and I go through shirts fast enough as it is."

"Is that a problem?" Charlie asked. She was grinning at him. The shit was that about–Why was she looking at Loona? Nope, him again. Loona? Him. Loona? Him–Oh, for fuck's sake, why was her grin growing? ...Was this about the whole 'relationship' that wasn't? Charlie, come on, he thought she already grew out of trying to play 'Love Doctor' after his blind date with that Sinner she set him up with last year didn't pan out.

It didn't help that the Sinner was twice his size in her restricted form. Woof. He had to keep the subject off of his love life – or rather lack thereof.

"I liked that shirt. Satan gave it to me." For beating him in a bench-press contest...with a major handicap, but no one needed to know that.

"So? Just ask him for another one. Uncle Satan's pretty reasonable." Charlie shrugged. Reasonable? Satan? The Ruler of Wrath? Ha. Ha-ha! Ladies and gentlemen, this is Charlie, she's new.

"Just...Charlie, where's my shirt? I didn't lose it ...did I?" Naruto stared at her. She refused to meet his gaze, like, purposefully this time. No...Seriously? Goddammit. He felt his shoulders slump. "Fuck. Did I–?"

"Almost." Charlie shrugged. "An Overlord stepped in, left before me and Vaggie could get a look at them."

"Okay, cool. No, that's...fucking awesome." Naruto sighed and sat down on the foot of the bed. He rubbed his face and looked at his friend. "Loona, you didn't lose a wallet or something?"

"Nope. Everything I need is right here." She stretched her legs, eyes glued to something on her phone, even as one of her toes nudged against his back. He shifted down to give her room–was that a whine? He glanced at Loona again–nope, still staring at her phone, well, glowering at it now. He must've imagined it.

"Well, as long as we came out alright–"

"Oh, shit! Fuck me, I forgot about work." Loona groaned and flopped back with an arm over her face. "Blitzø is going to fucking kill me."

"I am going to fucking kill him." Blitzø hissed from where he was tied to a chair. Several thick layers of tape wound around him and a few feet of chains. "But first, I'm going to kill you two fucking traitors and skull fuck your corpses! Let me the fuck up!"

"Not until you calm down, Sir." Moxxie sighed. He went over the books for the day and prepared his and Millie's pay while the latter went out to get lunch for the company. He squinted the numbers and–His right eye twitched. "Sir, may I ask a question about our finances?"

"Well seeing as I'm not going to fuck you in the ass for betraying me like this! Sure, why the fuck not." Blitzø growled. He narrowed his eyes. "But if this is about the expenses listed under "Stolas' Happiness"? Let it go. Because that's a really fucking important expense list."

"Yes, I can tell by the amount of sex dolls listed on order." Moxxie deadpanned. He shook his head. "How, in the actual flying FUCK does our secretary makes more than we do!? She doesn't even do anything!"

"Yes she does! Loona is our 'Exit'." Blitzø grinned. "And she does the accounting for the company."

"What?!"

"She took some courses at Impyre Online University."

"...Fair enough."

A bed rocked and squeaked as the occupants came together in a dance of carnal unity as old as time. Then a shriek rang out from a bedside table nearby. The squeaks slowed as one participant of the dance lowered their participation to look at the Hellphones set there.

"Damn, it's mine."

"F-Fuck, babe! Do you seriously have to get that right now?!"

"Who says we have to stop? Just keep going, baby. You're doing great." A thin arm reached out and grabbed the Hellphone that was shrieking. A tap on the screen and it answered. "Sup, bitch? ...No, shit? When? ...I mean, sure. If he agrees."

"Fuck, babe. I'm almost–"

"Oh, yeah–Hang on a sec."

Squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak...Creak.

"Fuck me." He sighed and slumped into the mold of his body that was in the mattress.

"Just did, Hon. Rest up for round five." She ignored his whimper and focused on the call. "Yup. Yeah. Mm-hm. Fuck it, why not? Be a nice easy test run for him. Sure, good talking to you, Stella."

Bee hung up the phone and smirked down at the panting Tex.

"Now, where were we?"

"Can't we just cuddle?"

"...You're so funny."

AN: This chapter was brought to you by Impyre Online University. We'll teach you, Jack! All at your expense!

Impyre Online University. Online, all the time.

And remember, it's just fucking Fan-Fiction.