AN: And the streak ends! Bummer. Oh well, I can start anew…with ch 22
Disclaimer: Bonesboy15 doesn't own Helluva Boss or Naruto. The following is a written work of fan-fiction. It contains adult language and situations. Reader discretion is advised.
One Knuckleheaded Glutton
Chaos Above, Order Below
Heaven was, is and shall forever be a glorious domain. The pinnacle of existence, the example of utopia in action; it was an ineffable ideal. In the absence of the Creator, who so often chose to let life 'find a way', it was overseen by the highest of angels, the Seraphim. Of this class were the mighty trinity of Archangels - Michael, Gabriel and Raphael - but they had duties assigned to them by the Lord that kept them away from the running of Heaven. Thus, in their absence, they decreed that every few centuries or millennia, a seraphim would be elected to head the Choir and rule Heaven in the Lord's name. For the past few millennia, one Seraphim was chosen more than others, and thus was the de facto current head of Heaven.
Her name was Sera.
Currently, Sera was teaching a protégé she'd chosen to be her successor, a fresh young Seraphim that had emerged not even four centuries ago. Now, given it was an electoral choice in who helmed the Golden Throne in the absence of YHWH, one may find it odd Sera would seek a protégé. To put it simply, she was tired. Yes, to protect Heaven and lead its people was an honor, but it was exhausting. It was a duty not meant for a simple chorus member, one who yearned to return days long past, before the corruption of Eve, when her only concerns were the lights in the sky and the melody of the next song. It was a fantasy she dreamed of, one that never would be again since Lucifer's fall. The thought of Angels falling from Heaven left and right stoked within Sera something mortal, something primal.
Fear.
She hid it well, but she feared. Dearly and desperately she feared for her people, her home, her Father's creations. It was why she approved the Extermination Day, it was why she so carefully kept her protégé oblivious and naïve; the road to Heaven and all.
And this fear struck anew when three little cherubs, one wounded quite drastically, plopped into her office from a familiar golden gate.
"My word!" Her protégé, Emily, shot up from her seat and went to the wounded lamb, while Sera gathered the other two in her arms. The care and concern, prioritizing the wounded over the shaken, but aware of their needs, made Sera proud to see so much light radiate from the young Seraphim. "Oh, sweet little cherub, who did this to you?"
"Ra...l..." the lamb whimpered before he conked out in her arms.
"Take him to the medical ward, Emily. He must have that wound closed." Sera implored, her arms tightened slightly around the cherubs. "I will see to these two and get an explanation."
"Of course!" Emily nodded and her six wings spread to let her fly off to give the little black lamb aid. Sera turned her gaze down on the trembling duo in her arms and carried them to her desk. Her eyes narrowed.
"Explain."
The golden lamb whimpered and backed away. Red flag. Her eyes, all of them, looked at the other. The boy gulped. He looked at his hands and fat tears fell down his chubby cheeks as he trembled.
"He-he was too...too much—"
"Breathe." She advised. Her gaze flicked between the two cherubs and she put gentle hands on their shoulders. "Please, I just want to know what happened. Explain from the start."
"It was just, just a soul protection. Standard. To keep a-an unpleasant man alive with time to repent for his Greed." The golden Cherub whispered. She put her hooved hands over her face. "If it weren't for those nasty Imps-!"
"Say no more." Sera sighed. The forces of Hell were always eager to add to their number, and Lucifer - if not Satan - always did little to encourage it. She gathered the little Angel into her arms and hugged her with all of her love, care and devotion. The cherub, poor little thing, so shocked by her experience, hesitated before she returned the gesture. "Demonic attacks are difficult for even higher Angels to stop; you tried to save a mortal soul, which is noble, but you came back safe and sound. That is what matters. The demons that killed—"
"Bu-But it wasn't a demon!" Eyes fell on the boy cherub once more. He blubbered and sniffled. "It...it was an Angel!"
"I...beg your pardon?" No, no. Lucifer himself wouldn't dare go above to claim a soul. Not since his attempt to turn Christ.
"It was an Angel, Sera." The little lamb in her arms whispered. She trembled anew and started to cry. "It was Raquel."
Oh.
Oh dear.
"You're certain of this?" Sera hissed, and grabbed the cherub's shoulders. "Positive? Absolutely?"
"It was The Sixth Watcher." The lamb nodded. She sniffed. "Sera...Y-you love us, right? All angels? Equally?"
Sera had never contemplated murder before. Not once in her entire millennia spanning life. Not when the souls of men swarmed into heaven by wicked deeds and not when some of her closest friends in the choir aligned themselves with Lucifer. But now, hearing this cherub's doubt, in her, in Heaven, in their way of life...
Raquel, your time among us is numbered. Sera thought, her eyes narrowed.
Adam was getting restless, and more obnoxious. He wanted the extermination to happen again sooner, and always made crude comments about his favorite exterminators. He was getting bolder, too, almost slipped up in front of Emily. Her hope, light, treasure for Heaven's future. Unapologetic as he was, Adam would likely do so again until she acquisited to his request. Unless Hell forced her hand, Sera could not alleviate his boredom, but she would give him something to occupy his time with.
First, she had to handle this. Her eyes cupped the little lamb's face. She smiled and her thumb brushed away a tear.
"Of course I do." She leaned in and pushed her lips to the lamb's head. Then, repeated the gesture to the other cherub. She cradled both small angels in her arms and smiled at them. "Cherub or Seraphim, highest choir member or mortal soul, I love all of Heaven's inhabitants. I would do anything to protect them. Anything."
"And one last twist. Don't get excited, Luce, you remember what happened last time. This is very sensitive wiri—"
A jaunty if distorted tune rang out suddenly from the desk nearby (1), and the King of Hell jerked his arm sharply. The rubber duck he was working on exploded, and his face caked with soot. He coughed and wiped the spot from his face. He whirled on the ball of his foot and glared at the source of his disruption.
"What. The Fuck. Does she want?" He ground his teeth and curled his lip. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Don't let them know they get to you; Don't let them know they get to you; Don't let them know they get to you."
With a nod, he strode over with purpose and answered the call. The phone flew from his hand and expanded into a screen. He glared at the image of the one on the other side.
"Sera."
"Lucifer."
Ugh, the resonating call for a chorus echoed in his chest. Like all times before, few though they've been since they spoke, he blocked it. To anyone else, the Heavenly Host didn't so much as twitch, but to Lucifer, he saw her flinch and sob. Rejection hurts, doubly so from one's kin. He knew from experience.
"Was there a purpose for this call? I'm in the middle of very important work." Is this another negotiation attempt? They had to know he wouldn't buckle on anything that would risk his Charlie.
"When did you last speak with Raquel?"
Lucifer's eyes narrowed.
"What ever that fucker did I had no part in. I swear it on my crown."
"Quick to make an oath implies a recent experience–"
"That sonovabitch broke into my home with his 'Gate' a few weeks back! Said he wanted to meet a soul I had access to! I told him to fuck off!" Lucifer snarled before he recomposed himself and smiled. "He left."
"I will be honest, I don't trust your words."
"In case you've forgotten, my Sin is Pride, and I am Proud to bear it." Lucifer crossed his arms and smirked. "I would never risk my rule for that charlatan that pretends to be an Angel."
"But you have spoken with him recently." Sera's eyes narrowed. She was shrewd, wary, and..yes, still afraid. Pah, foolish Seraphim; her cards were clear to him as if he held them himself. Give him Michael or Gabriel over Sera and he'd actually be on the defensive.
"And I never said I didn't. I told you about my recent interaction with him. What is the purpose of this call? A check up?" Lucifer waved his hand at her. "Tell Father he needn't worry about the outcasted children. We're thriving down here."
"Quite." He didn't like that look on her face. "Raquel has killed a mortal caught in the midst of a battle between cherubs and imps."
Imps? Imps. ...What were Imps again? Oh, right! Satan's little horny fire toads that he made for his and Lilith's first anniversary. Those things were fugly cute; which is why he gave them more rights than the downright adorable puppers Bee made for Lilith based off of her ex. He didn't want Lilith to get interested in a pet fire toad, just ick. At least the Hellhound was bearable to lose attention to.
What importance was this mortal to be caught between the weakest of angels and the scraps of Hell?
"Really?" Lucifer summoned his cane and leaned forward on it with a sharp grin. "Do tell."
Sulfuric yellow eyes cracked open and stared at a hole in a red ornate ceiling.
"Oww... Anyone get the size of that dick that just smacked the shit out of me?" Blitzø groaned and rubbed his head as he sat up. He looked around with bleary eyes - looked like his bachelor pad pre-Loona; empty and Spartan. More mirrors than he ever expected to find, though. "Mils? Mox? Loony?"
Blitzø turned to get out of the bed just as one of the walls opened.
"Alright people, Val wants us to reset for Dust's big sh—the fuck?" A production agent with a deformed face stared at Blitz. His lip curled. "Who the fuck are you?!"
"Dats an imp, boss." A hulking grunt with boulder-sized shoulders and a pea-sized head said. Did—was it supposed to look like an inverted ass around a baby penis?
"I know that shit for brains, I asked who not what!"
"Oh. ..Dat's an Imp."
"As riveting as this conversation is, I have to find my underlings and daughter, so…" Blitzø trailed off as a white-furred demon with long legs and a pronounced cleavage walked in. "Hot fuck, is that Angel Dust?! The Angel Dust?!"
Aka, the one Sinner that was the exception to Blitzø's rule of don't fuck sinners?
"Who wants t' know?" The Sinner in question smirked as he sauntered forward and circled the Imp. "Horns are a bit small, face is a lil' burnt, but I t'ink this scene could work."
"He ain't the stud," the production manager pointed at Baby Dick Assface. "He is."
"…Oh fuck, Dudley again?! C'mon, man, I had eight scenes with 'im yesterday! Can't I fuck this little fucker?!" Angel Dust gestured at Blitzø, who grinned.
"I mean, not to brag, but I've got some experience in front of a camera-" a gloved finger pushed against his lips. The heterochromatic-eyed Sinner smirked down at him.
"Hush-shush-shush, little daddy," Angel cooed before he pinched Blitzø's face. "The adults are talking."
"Angel, there's nothing to talk about! Val wants this scene shot!"
"Yeah, and I don't wanna do it! So, call 'im down here sos I can negotiate a new one!" Angel argued. The production manager glared and spat vitriol before he pulled his Hellphone out. Angel, meanwhile, sat on the bed and propped his chin up as he looked Blitzø over again. "So, what's your shtick?"
"About a half-foot longer than yours, Twinkie."
"Ha! Cute," Angel crossed his arms to emphasize his bits. "I meant what's an Imp doing all the way down in Pentagram City? Most of you cute little fuckers avoid it like the plague."
"Uh, well—"
"ANGEL! Get the fuck over here!"
Blitz turned to see the speaker and then back at the demon, who seemed a little paler. He looked back at the Overlord of Lust, one of the Vs, whose name had spread to even Blitzø's corner of the world. He took in his situation and paled.
Shit, that's fucking Valentino. I'm so fucked!
"So, you see, sir, I didn't mean to erm, trespass, I'm just looking for my wife." Moxxie laughed nervously as he was slowly surrounded by a group of eagerly smiling individuals. He'd been wandering for a few hours after awakening in an alleyway, the people were all pleasant and kind until he stepped on someone's lawn.
"Let's turn him into Imp Puddin'!" A voice called from the back of the growing crowd.
"No, I want Imp legs and soup!"
"You fucking French bastard!"
Moxxie tried to use the ensuing argument to slip away, only to back into a tall woman with vacant eyes and sharp teeth.
"Well, aren't you a treat?" Moxxie could only stare, lost in the void of her eyes. "Aren't you going to say something? A lady may get the wrong idea if she catches someone staring."
"Er…I, uh, that is to say…"
"Oh, I love imps. So precious." The woman tittered. The collar of his suit was snagged and he was hoisted up. The smiling woman held him over her head and faced the mob.
"Hey, shit for brains!" They stopped and started whispering. Moxxie caught the name 'Rosie' and his tail curled up beneath him. There was one Rosie he'd heard of, and one Rosie only. And he wanted nothing to do with her. "This little imp is mine! I see any one of you try something, and it'll be the last thing you do. Furthermore, I have a sale later today on finger foods-"
"Finger foods sale!?" The mob suddenly ran off and trampled over each other in the process. Moxxie watched the few stragglers dove onto the trampled with reckless abandon. And eat them. He gulped.
"…Er, thank you. You can put me down now."
"No, I don't think I will."
The woman, Rosie, smiled and readjusted him in her arms to cradle him as if he were a cat. Any protest that might've escaped his lips died with the first rake of fingers down from the crown of his head to his spine. Instantly, Moxxie turned to mush.
"Gyyyaaahuhuh…"
"Good little Impy. Such a sweet little man. Yesh, you are."
"And so you say the Fallen Angel did not leave you harmed?" A large cloaked figure with four glowing green eyes asked the imp seated across from him. He quietly sipped at the cup of tea set before him.
"Nuh-uh, I'm as fine as a horse's ass, Mr. Zestial!" Millie beamed at the Sinner, his infamy known even to her neck of the woods. She thought they all kind of got a bad rap, which was partially why she pushed Moxxie into working with her with Blitz. The rest of her reasoning for working for Blitz was to sate her own bloodlust that was only a little more than common with denizens of Wrath. She slurped at her own tea and winced at the sound of it. "Er, sorry?"
"Tis nothing to forgive." Zestial dismissed her with a crooked smile. His teacup set delicately before him with nary a sound. His smile widened and his eyes narrowed. "Mayhaps, you can further indulge my curiosities and inquisitions?"
"Uh, sure, I s'pose!"
Millie didn't know why everyone was so afraid of Sinners and Overlords; this Zestial fella was awfully sweet!
Life was good. She slept dreamlessly, for she felt safe and secure. She was surrounded by violets and coconuts. A gentle rumble vibrated around her, soothing her aches. Something scratched gently into her side, over ribs to her hip and back, and warm puffs of air blew into parts of her face.
"Loon?"
Loona hummed and cracked open her red eyes. Two blue pools stared back at her from where they connected to a cute vulpine face. Larger ears that peaked in her direction twisted away just once and a sweet little black nose that looked oh so Boop-able was just out of her reach. She smiled up at her source of tranquility. Her light, her warmth, and best of all – a childish part of her buried deep, deep down in her walled off heart squealed and squirmed giddily; she had a fuckin' boyfriend who was cute as shit! Choke on it, Selena! – her boyfriend.
"Hey." She cooed, reaching up to cup his face with a hand and bring him down for a...Boop? Kiss? Either worked, honestly. Ooh, a kiss this time? Well, it had been two weeks – ahh, there's the Boop.
"Hey, yourself." Naruto rumbled back with a small little chuckle that made her insides turn to goo. His Rumble got louder when she pecked his lips again and his claws stilled on her side. Blue eyes – expressive as fuck, more beautiful and exotic than sapphires she'd seen in jewelry – stared into her plan, boring reds. "I'm not complaining about the surprise, but how did you get here?"
"Hm?" Loona decided that maybe she should take in her surroundings. Oh, hey, she knew this gaudy little room. It was their hotel room, in Pentagram City, in the Princess' hotel for sinners.
...Hold on…
"How–?" She started to get up and whimpered as her back protested. He was there, more physically, nuzzled her head and his Rumble loud enough to shake the bed. The aches in her body dulled and she melted into him.
"I woke up when you fell on me from some black fiery Gate." Naruto mumbled into her notched ear. He kissed her at the base of it and fuck, Loona almost wanted to jump him then and there. Cognitive functions were working, but the instinct to claim him as fully hers was growing. Mercifully, her sore body kept her from making a fool out of herself. "What happened?"
"Fuck. I don't..." She closed her eyes and recalled the day. Was it the same day? Was it later? She didn't know. All she knew was it sucked up until now. Focus, what's the question? What happened? "Blitzø dragged me along on a job. We had to kill some old rich fucker for his old boss, I guess. There were...Cherries, there?"
"Cherries?" he asked.
"Little angel shitheads." Loona shrugged. She was more pissed about being dragged along to a 'forced family fun' affair than she cared about the title of Heaven's little angels.
"Cherubs." He nuzzled and scented her cheek, before kissing it. "They get you with anything?"
"No. I didn't even have to get involved until one prick with black wings showed up."
"...Black wings?" He asked, a growl – not her favorite growl, but a sexy one all the same – laced his words. His arms tightened slightly around her. The almost-coconut part of his scent grew thicker and the violet stronger. "Did you see how many?"
"I dunno, four? Six maybe?" She was starting to pant, his scent was just so strong. She twisted in his grasp and scented his neck. Unshowered, still ruffled from sleep, there was not enough of her scent on her boyfriend. She grumbled as she rubbed her muzzle into his fur, nipping here and there to make her scent cling.
"...It looked human?" He asked. She was a little preoccupied and growled in irritation when his claw pulled her muzzle away from his neck. He growled back. She really didn't want to start a fucking fight, but if he didn't let her finish scenting him, she was going to – Boop.
Alright, well, she was focused on him now. Mm, boyfriend lips. Best lips to meet so early in the day.
"Loon, I missed you, too, but I need you to answer my question." He mumbled against her lips. Oh, come on. It's been almost two weeks since they had any serious alone time together! Loona's instincts didn't want to waste any more time! Shit, Loona didn't want to waste any more time! She wanted some TLC from her boyfriend, dammit, because her day sucked! "What did this prick look like? Was he like them? An angel?"
"Hm, yeah. I guess. Black wings, good at teleporting magic." Loona rumbled and nipped at his chin. Ah, there's a good sign. Wriggler's thwap-thwap-thwap was increasing. The Rumble changed, just slightly, as he started to reciprocate her advances and his claws grazed just below her Spot – fuck, yes, Loona needed that. Heavy Petting, maybe some oral play. Wait, why was he stopping-? Shit, yeah, the fucker that easily whooped her ass. "Strong, fast, too. Dodged my claws, threw me through walls twice."
"You okay?" His lips and nose checked and scented her while his claws ghosted over her ribs. C'mon, get your claws just a bit higher—ugh, damn her fucking tease of a boyfriend! She growled at him and he growled back. Goddamn cheater, didn't he know how hot that was to her? Her growl stopped and she whined in need. A sudden kiss cut the whine short, before that too was taken. Ass. "Loona."
"Fuck, my back's a little sore, okay?" She growled at him again before her claws traced through the fur on his arms. She whined. "It's just sore, I promise. So, can we please-?"
Oh, yes! Yep, her boyfriend was an idiot asshole sometimes, but his claws were fucking magic. She twisted, ignoring the burning sting in her spine as she did, to look down at him; oh was it a shirtless Naruto she was laying on? Loona liked that discovery, her tail swoosh-swoosh-swooshed where it was beneath the covers. A claw traced over his shoulder and she pushed her lips to his. His arms were lean and his chest firm as she pressed against it. His lips tasted so fucking good. Ugh, sometimes she wanted to eat him—that probably wasn't a healthy thing to admit.
"Missed you so fucking much." He muttered around her lips. She whined an agreement before she snagged his lip in her teeth and tugged. He growled at her, and she growled back as the lip released. A Boop brought brevity to the increasing chance of activity. Mm, Violet and Almost Coconut. "I'm sorry you had a bad day."
"No, you're not." She smirked against his lips. She could feel his cock press against her thigh. Fuck, he was sweet though, not bringing it up. That might get frustrating down the line, but that was Future-Loona's problem.
"Yes, I am." She huffed and rubbed her leg along his dick. He hissed and tried to pull back. She captured his lips again and pushed her tongue into his mouth. There was slight resistance — her Foxfiend was going to be a menace once he figured out proper tonsil hockey — but ultimately she won. They parted for air again and she smirked at him.
"If you missed me so much, why didn't you just kidnap me?"
His eyes narrowed.
"You did not just go there."
"The fuck are you gonna do about-fuck!" She hissed when he flipped them. Her sore back pushed onto cushions, but the lit fire in her loins overpowered the dull throb in her back.
Then her idiot boyfriend tore off her shirt.
"I liked that top, you— shit!"
Her sore back arched as his teeth closed around a piercing. In hindsight, maybe trying to pick a fight with him while he had access to her tits was a bad idea. That tug bordered the line of painful— fuck, magic claws are back! "Oh, fuck. Oh shit, yes."
She whimpered and whined as he toyed with her breasts. A knead on one side often meant the other was tweaked. One would get pinched as his tongue - fucking Satan's shit, he was figuring out how dexterous his tongue could be; her brief streak of victories in tongue war was at risk - curled and suckled around the other. He pulled away and rumbled at her, his teasing claws clutched over her chest and his nose so tantalizingly close for a Boop, but just out of her reach.
"You asked what I'm going to do? I'm going to make you have a better day. I'm going to return the favor you did to me at Oz's. I'm going to take everything you've got and leave you drained." He stole a kiss and smirked. "And then I'm going to do it again."
The promise in his growled words caused her tail to go in a frenzy even as she started to pant. Yes, fuck yeah, she wanted that so fucking bad! Yes!
Just as his claw drifted toward her spot, just as the boiling embers reached the edge of pouring over, just like every fucking thing else that was good in Loona's life, something had to come along and fuck it up.
"All right, Naru!" The door swung open and fucking Princess Charlie Morningstar strode in like she owned the place. "Rise and shine, we have more work to do—Oh fuck, I'm so sorry!"
"Charlie-!" "Get the fuck out!" Loona snarled over Naruto's shoulder as he quickly covered her exposed tits with his body. Not that she particularly cared if the Princess of Hell saw her tits, but she understood. Instincts were a bitch like that. The flustered royal backed out and slammed the door shut, leaving them in the room.
An almost uncomfortable silence passed. Loona almost whimpered; the moment was gone and the boiling fire inside her was doused faster than a drunken Blitzø rant could ever manage. Dammit, she was not going to get the finish she wanted. Her head pressed into his shoulder just as he growled into the mattress.
"There goes the fucking mood." His ears folded back and his eyes squeezed shut. Aw, he whimpered. Loona felt a little touched that he was disappointed. Was that weird? That might be weird. "Goddammit, Charlie."
"...You've got a gig working for Morningstar?"
"Was gonna text you when I woke up." He sighed and rolled them so she could lay atop him again. Much more comfortable on her end. She sighed and rested her hand on his chest, playing with the cream-colored patch that rested there. He rumbled, less hot, less worked up; ugh, Loona was disappointed too. "Short term, they needed someone trustworthy to fix their plumbing. Sinners, y'know?"
"Mm." Loona didn't, but she'd heard stories about them. Still, her boyfriend was going to be in Pentagram City, and had his own room to crash in; maybe she could twist this to her advantage. "How long's it for?"
"Probably keep me busy for another week, if I can do it right. Last thing I need is another sudden bidet incident."
Loona snorted and he knocked her on the nose. She growled without heat and he gave her a flat stare.
"Don't mock me for your building's shitty plumbing."
"I'm mocking your shitty plumbing skills."
"You are, huh?" He growled and leaned in and—oh, was he going to try again?! Loona was so down for that!
Of course, then the door opened. Charlie, eyes covered by a hand and turned away, poked her head in backwards.
"Hey, uh, Naru? Sorry, but we really need your help with the shower in 504. It keeps leaking …green? Like..like a lot."
"What? No, hold on, I though—I am going to murder a dozen clones." Naruto groaned into his hand. "Fucking lazy bastards...yeah, give me five minutes, Charlie."
"Sorry!"
The door shut and Loona flopped her head onto her boyfriend's chest. He stroked her hair and his lips pecked her head. Closer to the TLC she'd wanted, but not what she expected. His hand stopped.
"Loona?"
"It's not your fault." She sighed. And it wasn't. He was technically on a job — a live in job with the fucking overly-friendly Princess of Hell and her bitchy girlfriend; that raised a whole new level of concerns Loona wasn't ready to seriously address — so, they should have expected this to happen. Even if she only found out just now, the location she woke up in should have tipped her off.
"No, well, sorry about that, but..You said you were on a job with Blitzø and I assume the other two, right?"
"Yeah?"
"Where do you think they ended up?"
Loona stiffened. She wound up in Pentagram City, with her boyfriend. Fatty could fuck off and Millie was a little rabid shit, but Blitzø — for all that he annoyed her, irritated her, and pissed her off at time — was still the one Hellborn that saw value in her. Sure, just shy of eighteen years too late, but still.
"I..I don't know."
(1)"Killer Klown March" - Killer Klowns From Outer Space
AN: Alright guys, sour news. Gotta go do some actual adult shit – Someone I know, and maybe you know, is getting for the rest of the week in another state, so this will be a VERY brief hiatus. The next update will be Sunday (7/21) at the latest.