AN: I survived the wedding! ..Wow, did I flub that AN on 21 or what?

Disclaimer: Bonesboy15 doesn't own Helluva Boss or Naruto. The following is a written work of fan-fiction. It contains adult language and situations. Reader discretion is advised.

One Knuckleheaded Glutton

Bombshell

"Fucking seriously, Blitz?! All the shit you put me through and you pull this?! Answer your damn phone!" The enraged Hellhound wearing an oversized shirt that acted more as a dress snarled as she paced the main lobby of the renovating Happy Hotel while a lone, bored purple eye followed her. This had been the situation for the past four hours since their handyman pulled his lazy ass out of bed.

It was not how Vaggie wanted to spend her day.

Granted, it wasn't like she wanted to use her day to work on the Hotel some more, but that was preferable than playing babysitter for the Estupido Zorro's Hellhound girlfriend. Charlie offered, but there was no way Vaggie was going to leave her girlfriend with this bitch while she was so agitated. There's already a new hole in the front wall from where a chair had been introduced to orbit via kick. Admittedly, it was impressive that the antique chair not only remained intact, but also got so much distance.

"Fucking hypocritical bastard!" The hound snarled as she typed into her phone. "He goes dark, probably getting reamed by some asshole named Tiny, and can't send a goddamn text about it! Fucking second I cut contact with him to hang out with a cute guy, what's he fucking do? Goes absolutely apeshit! Argh!"

"Did you try the other two?" Vaggie asked. She didn't really care - Imps were a fucking dime a dozen and had the best repopulation chances outside of other Hellborn - but figured she should try to keep the hound from losing her fucking mind.

"Fuck no. Fatty can choke on a fucking corndog for all I care; and Millie's tougher than fucking iron." The hound snorted. "Wouldn't surprise me if she fucking saving both of their worthless asses."

The doors slammed open and as if summoned a little red imp strode in, slightly bruised and mangled. Draped over one of her shoulders was a white haired imp that was naked - which was way more than Vaggie needed to see today - save for the collar around his neck. Being dragged by the tail in her other hand was a taller imp with black and white horns, bare of clothes save the chaps around his waist and boots on his feet.

"Please.. no more. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak and spongey." The imp muttered, his eyes unfocused and lost. Which, okay? Behind them, poking his head in the door, was a white furred Sinner with heterochromatic eyes.

Vaggie immediately went on the defensive.

"Who the fuck are—?!" Her angelic spear was knocked from her grasp by a giant, fuck off axe. Emissive sulfuric eyes glared up at her as the little imp woman growled. She stormed past the stunned Vaggie and threw the dragged Imp at the Hound's feet.

"Here! Fuckin' take care of your asshole pops." She growled. She dug around in her pocket and tossed two phones, which the Hound caught.

"What the fuck are-?"

"Ya kept blowin' em up! We almost got fuckin' ate six times cuz of that!"

"Well fucking excuse me! No one else was trying to tell me what the fuck was happening!" The hound snarled back before she scowled. "How the shit did you even find me?"

"Blitz's got a tracker on yer phone."

"...Of fucking course he does." The hound snarled down at the groggy Imp. She kicked him in the side, and launched him across the main lobby. He bounced off of the stairwell archway and landed back on the floor with a thud. Stomping over, she snapped the phones in her grasp and shoved the parts into the Imp's mouth. "Fucking asshole! Eat 'em and shit off the fucking overpass!"

There was so much context Vaggie didn't have, nor want, for that. So much. A whistle had her looking back at the small Imp with the axe.

"Also, we need to get the fuck out of here before the Vs come down on us." The Imp pointed at the Sinner with her axe. "Meet Angel Dust, best porn star in the nine circles, and the lucky idjot that was helping Blitz get away from Valentino's gimps. Also, he's pretty fuckin' good with guns."

"Hey! I'm a lot fuckin' better than that fat sack of shit you call a husband, Toots!" Angel Dust snapped, stepping into the doorway with four arms crossed. The little Imp turned and hissed at him and he held his hands up. She huffed and walked over to the couch and dropped the white haired nude Imp onto it, before she climbed up to sit by him and coo while she pet his head. Meanwhile, Angel Dust looked at Vaggie, then at the Hound that was now leaving the main hall, then back at Vaggie. "So, uh, I heard this place was offering rooms free of charge? Izzat true?"

"Not ex-" Oh, hi Charlie. Wait, Charlie? Wasn't she on the fifth floor?

"Free of charge for anyone who wants to try to redeem themselves!" Her girlfriend exclaimed as she fucking materialized out of thin air. Razzle and Dazzle flew in from the stairwell, both tiny drakes doing their best equivalent of pants. Charlie took Angel Dust's hand in her own and shook it rapidly. "Hi! Pleased to meet you, my name is Charlie Morningstar — call me Charlie — and this is Vaggie! And we welcome you to the Happy Hotel! You wanted to stay here and try to redeem yourself?"

"You don't charge for rent or nothin'?" The Sinner smiled as he shook her hand. Vaggie opened her mouth to reiterate the terms of a stay; but Charlie grinned.

"Nope!"

Babe. The fuck?

"Well, count me in!" Angel Dust grinned,

"Sure thing, welcome to the hotel, um..I'm sorry, your name is?" Charlie asked, smiling sheepishly.

"Angel Dust, but you, hon, can call me Angel." He crossed his arms under his exposed chest and rubbed his chin. "Morningstar, huh? Ain't that the Big Dick in Charge's name? Ain't you worried he might come after you fer, whatchacallit, infringement?"

"Pretty sure her father will be okay with it." Vaggie deadpanned. Angel Dust looked at Vaggie, then her beaming girlfriend, then back at Vaggie, and then at Charlie. Then he pointed at Vaggie and covered his mouth with one hand.

"Who's the stiff Latina?"

This depraved fucker was so fucking lucky Charlie was right there.

"Oh!" Charlie beamed and gave her a hug. Mm, Charlie hugs—No, wait, focus, Vaggie. This Sinner was trying to take advantage of her girlfriend's kind heart! "This is Vaggie, our head of security and my girlfriend."

"Oh, into a little salad tossing, huh? That can be fun." Angel smirked, his golden tooth gleaming.

"O-kay! Charlie? We need to talk." Vaggie growled as she pushed her girlfriend back toward the stairwell. They almost tripped over the tall Imp in the process, as he groggily sat up, spat out the remnants of his phones, and grabbed his head.

"Fuck, why do I feel like I got reamed six ways to Sunday in a bad way?"

"Because you did, cutie."

An-n-n-nd that's where Vaggie checked out of that conversation and focused on the one with her girlfriend. The one where they revisited 'stranger danger'; particularly that of the Sinner variety. Angel Dust, if that was even his real name, was not staying in this hotel if she had anything to say about it.

"That should do it. Alright, done on my end, over!" Naruto radioed to his clones as he finished reassembling the water filtration system of the Hotel.

It was actually a very interesting process. The trick used to make water pipes work down Here was to find a leak in the Envy Ring — the one ring that didn't know how to nor want to keep itself isolated; not unlike its ruler, the fucking massive weirdo that they were — and then attach a pump system to it. Manual was the most common since it was the easiest system to make and maintain, but recent advances Above and a near overabundance of technologically gifted Sinners have made automated pumps more commonplace. However, waters of Envy weren't exactly the purest of things to exist, an understatement if ever there was one. So, filtration systems were developed, and Naruto - having experience being a handyman not just for Bee, but himself growing up in Konoha - was rather adept at fixing them.

"Okay, Boss! We're set up here, over!"

"Allons-y!" Naruto grabbed a big yellow lever and pulled it down. The filtration shuddered and rumbled as the pump was given free reign to allow some of the intrusive waters of Envy through. He scrutinized it with narrowed eyes, before he put the radio to his mouth again. "What's it look like up there?"

"What's that, Boss? You're breaking up, Over." He'd almost believe it if not for the immature snickering that had been audible behind the message.

"Fucking smart-asses." He grumbled and radioed again. "What does it look like up there, Over?"

A beat passed before the cheeky bastard with the radio reported in.

"Lookin' good up here, Boss! No leaks or misfilters, over!"

"Thank, fuck." He sighed and pulled a towel from his pocket to rub over his face. This room was boiling and he was this close to start panting. He draped the towel on his bare shoulder and lifted the radio up. "Alright, fuckers, if you're not going to dispel, get to work on that east corner roof. Over."

"Roger, Boss. We'll get right-Hey! Loona, what's happening?"

"..Nope, not the real one."

"What?" Naruto stared at the radio in his hand. She could tell that?

"Of course I am! I'm the best, dattebayo!"

"The fuck-? Beat it, clone." Uh-oh. Loona wasn't in a good mood—Ow. Ow! Fuck! Naruto rubbed his head at the migraine that came from her method of dispelling. The radio crackled to life. "Fucking idiot—Where are you?"

"Uh, downstairs in the boiler room?"

"Don't fucking move." That snarl - which was weirdly hot - was a demand. Really? After she did that to his clone? She knows he gets memories and phantom pains from their dispelling! He scoffed and held the radio up.

"Based on recent events, that doesn't seem beneficial to my health." He started to walk toward the door. It'd been four hours, he needed a lunch break or something.

"Fucking swear, if you move a fucking muscle-! Hey, you! Get the fuck over here!"

"Wassup, Loon? You want some smooch—"

"Okay, what the fuck did I do?!" Naruto asked no one in particular, his ears flat against his head and tail wound tight around his legs. He did not know Loona had gotten to a point where she could empower her strikes with magic! Fucking cold-based magic, too?! Ugh, that shit was the fucking worst! Solid deck to the snout or not, he did not want any part of the cold touch she had!

"You felt that, right? That's what'll happen to you if you move. Now stay the fuck put!"

"This is me. Not moving." Naruto radioed back as he manually pulled his tail off of himself and straightened it out. Okay, time for calm breaths, it was just Loona. She just wanted to rant, probably. Or maybe she wanted a Boop? Yeah, yeah! That's probably all it was, and his scent was everywhere because of his clones and..how many did she destroy before she found the one with the radio?

..Maybe I should make more clones before she finds me..

The door to the boiler room slammed open and he whirled on the balls of his feet. What he saw at the top of the stairs was the silhouette of his very sexy - and very irate - girlfriend wearing one of his older shirts and her gorgeous glowing eyes. One of her clawed hands held the door open and the other had the radio-clone grasped in it. It dispelled when her hand clenched tight and she growled.

"Here you are."

"...It's so wrong that this is so hot." Naruto muttered. He shook it off, dispelled his radio with a crush of his own hand, and grinned up at the sexy she-hound that was...was she sauntering down the stairs? No, the air was full of the spicy Vibes of Wrath, each tinged with a speckling of F.B.N. Huh, so what would he call that? It was too light to be stomping, not measured enough to be skulking. Stalking, perhaps?

Yeah, he was going to go with stalking.

Of course, he named the sexy walk just as Loona made it the bottom of the stairs. She grabbed his muzzle once she was in reach and brought him down for a Boop. Okay. He figured this was the case. Too many clones and scent trails threw her off, which was really the point of their existence—And alright, a kiss? Yeah, he's good with th-ow. Ow! Rough kiss! Not as fun!

"Ow, Loon. Loona, ow! Fuck!" Naruto pushed her off with a yelp and poked at his lip with his tongue. That was a relatively large bit of flesh missing. "Loona, what the fuck?!"

Rather than answer, she snarled and dove back for another. He countered, twisted around her to hug her from behind, captured her wrists in his own and snarled back at her.

"No! We're not doing this when you're this pissed off!"

"Why do you think I came looking for you, asshole! I want to calm down-!"

"Then fucking do it like this!" Naruto growled as he pushed his snout to hers in a forced and awkwardly angled Boop. Not as effective. She was growling still, but it lessened. She tried to push for another kiss and he twisted his muzzle out of the way. The growl became a whine.

"Please? Please, Naruto. I'm sorry, I just need-"

"No, Loona. We need to talk about what just happened." He kept a growl up - his fucking mouth hurt - and pulled her with him to sit on the floor; not only was it tactically more advantageous and more comfortable. Once they were seated, he scented at her, evaluated the Vibes coming off of her. The spice was gone and there was a sour bit of 'Resentment' 'Fear' and bitter 'Self-loathing'. The F.B.N. Vibe was still there, but faint amongst everything else.

Further evaluation bordered a Vibe Check, and he wouldn't do that without consent or absolute necessity. She whined and kept trying to twist around, to force something that was not meant to be used like a crutch. He got why she wanted to Boop; it was a special thing, their thing. It was a reclaimed and renamed thing for her and a unique thing for him. He put his muzzle between her ears, rested atop her hair, and Rumbled. She calmed further, but continued to whine.

Fuck, but he hated that sound.

"Enough, Loona," he grumbled softly. She stopped — thank the questionably omniscient Big G for his mercies — and he let his Rumble resonate through his words. "You tore part of my lip off. Nips and bites are fine, shit, I think they're hot. That you're hot. But that shit you just did? Tearing my mouth? That fucking hurt."

"..'m Sorry.."

"I know." He kissed her notched ear - he'd have to get the story of how that happened one day - and adjusted his grip on her arms to be less of a restraint and more of a comfortable hug. She couldn't be allowed to turn around yet, even if he wanted to look her in the eye and talk, the rank Vibes that lingered told him it wasn't a good idea. She whined and he shushed her. "I just want to know why, Loon."

The hellhound in his arms was stubbornly quiet. Ugh, why did this have to be so difficult?

"Look." He sighed. "I've seen enough of Bee's relationships to know that having a partner doesn't mean you can just beat them up whenever and they'll shrug it off because of 'love' or some shit. It's about teamwork; communication. Like, I mean, you can smack my snout here or there — I'm a big boy, I know I get stupid and I can take it — but if making me bleed like that makes you feel better? That's not okay; that means something is wrong."

"..It doesn't-I don't feel better." Loona whimpered. Her tail curled in front of her legs and her claws interlaced with the back of his. "I don't...I was just so fucking...It's all so fucked up, Naruto. I just want it to stop, and you...You can make it stop."

Another whine came, but with it were droplets on his arms. Oh, fuck. Okay. The vibes changed to a sharp bitter. This was bad. He increased his Rumble and nuzzled her head.

"But I'm not a drug or sex toy; I'm your boyfriend. You can talk to me, Loona." He kissed her head, cheek, and ear before he rested his head on hers again. "I'm listening; I'll always listen. You just have to talk."

"...It's just-Fuck! Where do I fucking start?" She sniffed and nudged her head into his jaw. He nuzzled back, Rumble on blast, and she scented him before she growled. "Fucking, Blitzø, this morning's interruption—fucking yesterday? It's just—!"

"Okay." He tightened his hug and loosened it. "Let's work it back. Are you still sore?"

"No, thank fuck." She let out a very dry laugh.

"Pissed at Charlie? At me?"

"No. And... Kinda." He arched a brow and pushed a question through the Rumble. She huffed and tilted her head back to scent his neck. There was a sweet 'Amusement' that breached her bitter vibes. And a slight spice. "You make too many fucking clones, asshole."

"Not apologizing for that." Naruto snorted at her growl. "They're useful. I will say I'm sorry you had to go through fourteen cheeseheads before you got the real deal."

"Ooh, the Cheese Lord, lucky fucking me."

"Damn right you are." He smirked at the soft elbow. That was a pass-worthy hit. "Alright, so yesterday. You're mad you got beat up?"

"No, I'm mad I got tossed through two walls."

"And?"

"I need fucking more than that?"

"Well, I guess not everyone can be as awesome as I am." He sighed as his tail flicked. She plucked a fur from his arm and he hissed. "Ow!"

"So awesome."

"I thought hurting me didn't make you feel better."

"Hurting, no." She cupped his muzzle and tilted her head up to put her nose just under the lip she'd ripped. He growled, a warning, but let her peck him. "I am sorry, Naruto."

"I believe it." He rumbled. He let his eyes drift shut. "If I knew why you like hurting me, I'd be more forgiving."

"I don't like hurting you." Loona growled before she stopped and sighed. "Really. I don't..but humbling you-"

"I fucking knew it!" He smirked.

"Humbling and hurting aren't the same thing!"

"She said, pulling his fur and biting his face-"

"You're the one trying to help me calm down, asshole."

"And she calls me names, too!" He scoffed around a laugh before he pushed his head into hers from the side. "Mean ol' Loona. So lucky she's so hot."

"Fuck you." She growled and pushed at his face. He stubbornly remained put and let her stew in the rank vibe blend that was starting up for only a second. Then, his tongue lashed out and clipped her notched ear. The rank Vibes scattered as the F.B.N. Vibe rushed in and a not-angry growl shook with her tremble.

"Maybe later, if you're good." He rumbled. A claw left where it rested at her waist and tilted her muzzle to meet him in a Boop. They hummed against each other. "So yesterday. Mad you lost?"

"Mm-yeah." Pretty red eyes cracked open to meet his plain blue. "Mad I had to go. Mad I hadn't seen you. Couldn't smell you."

"Couldn't taste?" Naruto asked around a smile - he couldn't help it; this was great for his ego. His lips pecked hers briefly, she whined and tried to make another after he pulled away. He pinched her side with the claw that was down there. "No. I asked you a question."

"Yes! Fuck you, you egotistical ass. I missed you," Loona whined, ears flat. He smiled and gave her another kiss. Let this one linger, and then nipped her lips. She gasped and-Oh, hey. Loona smelled really good right now. Damn, he hated that he had to put that on the backburner.

"Okay, so, you missed me and were forced to go on this mission. Why is that?"

"Forced family fun...It's a stupid clause I agreed to back when I first started living with Blitzø! To build the bond or some shit." She sighed. "I could've moved out whenever, but..."

"He's your dad." Naruto understood, to an extent. Bee never outright claimed to be his mom - something about that would make their relationship 'weird', she'd said - but that's what she essentially was for the better part of his life. There were times that signs of it sprung up, like whenever she stopped him from training or limiting his ramen intake — which, by the way, was so fucking hypocritical it wasn't even funny — but for the most part, she was his 'sister' in every way but blood.

"Yeah," she sighed and then growled. "He's just so fucking...It's like he's afraid I'll forget what he did for me! Like-like, I'll just leave him to fucking rot or something! If he didn't do half the shit that pisses me off, he'd have nothing to fucking worry about; and then I find out he put a fucking tracker on my phone!"

"Well, that..." He trailed off. There was no way to actually defend that. A bug buzzed by his ear and he swatted it with his tail. It shot off and impacted with a wall.

"Dammit. Got too close." A pair of sunglasses were tossed aside to the golden beach beneath the wearer. From a box set beside a bottle of wine came a new pair. "Ugh, this one's all the way in Greed! Dammit, that'll take hours to get back to Pride."

"Why do you keep watching this guy, anyway? I mean, he's cute and all, but aren't you married?"

"Ugh. How many times do I have to tell you to go away?"

"But you're our guest, and as a member of the Choir, and of the Seraphim! I have to – "

"Be a good host in the name of the Host," the two said simultaneously. The sunglass-wearing voice sighed.

"Listen, kiddo, things aren't always what they seem: be it Heaven or Hell. And I owe someone big for helping me get here, so to pay them back, I'm watching out for this kid."

"Oh." The other hummed and looked at the glasses' lens. She giggled. "Well, at least he's cute."

"Yeah, that's a big breach of trust." Naruto hummed, his rumble dimmed. He pushed his nose to the base of her notched ear and scented it. "And I can see where that's...upsetting—"

"Fucking understatement." Loona growled. He growled back and tightened his hug again. Her growl stopped and he replaced his with a Rumble.

"But, even if you're pissed at him that doesn't give you a right to fucking bite me."

"I-"

"And the Boop isn't a drug. It feels good because we, together, make it feel good." Naruto added over her attempt to apologize. He wasn't in the mood to deal with platitudes. The whimper was soft, but the message got across. He kissed her cheek - a delightful lack of stinging pain told him his lip had healed - and rubbed his muzzle against her face, Rumble on blast. "Just tell me you need one next time. Don't attack my clones and snarl at me. And unless I give you the okay, don't fucking bite my face. Okay?"

"...Okay..." was her soft response. He dipped his head to rest beneath her chin and scented her neck. She tilted her head and gave him access to it, so he gave her throat a gentle lick. He felt the shudder that went through her and brought his head back up to nuzzle hers.

"...You know, my mouth still hurts."

"I said I was-?"

"Loona." He chuckled and pulled back to push his nose to her notched ear. Softly, he added; "I could use a kiss to make it better."

"...oh..." Her lips pulled up into a small smile and he loosened his grip on her to let her turn around. She did, twisted to sit in his lap sideways. As her arms encircled his neck, one set of his claws rested on her curvy, curvy hips while the other reached up and brushed her hair from her face before it cupped her cheek. Their noses came together in a gentle, more natural Boop.

They smiled at one another and he pushed his lips out to meet hers. She moaned against his mouth and he kept it together for a beat longer. Then, they parted for air and he put his head against hers.

"See? Much better." He rumbled.

"Mm-hm." She hummed and sniffed. "I'm sorry."

"Forgiven." He muttered as he pulled his muzzle from where it rubbed against hers. His thumb came up and brushed away her tears as her tail gave a cautious little wag. Another gentle peck was left on her nose and he stared into her tear-rimmed red eyes. It occurred to him how she was sitting on him, how isolated they were, and that there was an abundance of the F.B.N. Vibe in the air along with the taste of her Vanilla scent.

"Y'know...I did promise to make your day better."

Loona's tail went swoosh-swoosh-swoosh. Fuck, she was so cute.

"Yeah?" Her muzzle dipped forward and rubbed under his. His rumble grew louder, his tail wriggled, and her tail wagged. He nuzzled back into her.

"Mm-yeah." His claw slipped under the hem of his loaned shirt to graze over her thigh. She growled her no-angry growl at him and he growled back. Their lips came together again - officially healed, yes! No pain, that meant it was playtime - and he ended the kiss with a nip on her chin. "So, how about I slip you out of those shorts, and—"

The boiler room door slammed open.

"Loona! Are you down here?!" No...They weren't that unlucky, were they? Something flipped at the top of the stairs and the fluorescent light above them flickered into life. "Hey! What the fuck are you doing down here?! Get your claws off of her you fucking pedophile!"

Loona snarled and her claws dug into Naruto's shoulders.

"I'm gonna kill him. Swear on Satan's Sin, I'm killing him."

"I'm tempted to let you." Naruto growled. His rumble ceased once more when he heard a sharp click from the top of the stairs. Was tha-? Christ on a stick, these two really could fucking be related with the amount of blind Wrath Vibes that they could release! He was forced to make an awkward lunge to a brick side corner as a bullet flew through the space where his head used to be.

"Shit! He actually fucking shot-?! Goddammit Blitzø, what the fuck are you doing?!" Loona snarled as she scrambled to her feet and stood snarling at the bottom of the stairwell.

"Loony, honey—Where the fuck is your shirt-No, you know what?! I know you think this is okay, that he actually cares, but it really fucking isn't and he fucking doesn't! Now, get back up here! We're leaving!"

"Fuck you!"

Naruto sighed and rested his head against a brick pillar. As he half-listened to them shout at each other, he growled and scratched at his ringing left ear. Why didn't he let Bee eat this guy again? ...Right, he was Loona's dad. On paper. For five years. He let his eyes close and huffed.

If anyone needed therapy more, it's probably these two.

All Blitzø remembered was waking up sore and with bits of phone in his mouth. Also, memories of Angel Dust's magnificent not-tits in his face. — And his tight little ass. And those fucking legs that went on for days. Ugh, he was hard just thinking about it. — His first thought after realizing he'd escaped the Overlord Valentino was to find Loona and get out of here so they could collect on their bounty.

So, he did! ..In the arms of that fucking pedo she thought was her boyfriend - she'd learn - in a basement. Of course Blitzø took a shot at him! He had to get her, Mox and Mils out of here before some twisted Sinner went apeshit!

First, he had to calm Loona down.

"I can't fucking believe...You fucking shot at us! You don't see me taking shots at your feathered fuck buddy when he's getting DTF-y!" His Hellhound baby shouted as she climbed up the steps. Clearly she was traumatized by whatever shit that Royal fuck was putting her through. She'd forgotten something about that inaccurate comparison.

"Now, Loona, you and I both know that what happens between Stolas and I is simply business—"

"Oh, so it's okay so long as it's business?!" She crossed her arms, still two steps down, and glared at him for a hot second. Her lip curled and her tail lashed. She half turned down the stairs. "Hey, Naruto, hire me to kill someone and pay me with sex!"

"That Kidnapping fucker damn well better not!" Blitzø roared past her, he pointed a finger at the royal fuck - huh, what the fuck was he staring at them like that for? Geez, what a mouth, if only he wasn't after Loona - that molested his precious child. "You go near her and I don't care what Sin is protecting you, I swear I'll—!"

"Fuck you, Blitzø!" Loona snarled as she got in his face. Oh, that's a lot of Hellhound teeth. Maybe Blitzø might have overstepped, like that time he tried to get Loona to quit smoking. "I'm so fucking sick of your hypocrisy! I wanna go out and get shitfaced drunk and you don't blink a fucking eye; but Lucifer forbid I want to fuck a rando, let alone my fucking boyfriend—"

"I'm trying to protect you!" Blitzø snapped. He threw his arm at the door. "Look at where we are! Fucking Pentagram City! There are Sinner fucks everywhere, so what the fuck is he doing slumming here?!"

"He's helping the fucking Princess of Hell, you brain dead jackass!" Loona jabbed a claw in his chest. What? Wait, where were they exactly? Another sharp jab and a snarl had him stumble further back. "He's fixing the hotel that's the fucking centerpiece of her stupid fucking plan to redeem Sinners! ..Er, uh, no offense, Princess Morningstar."

"A lot taken." Came from the one eyed chick standing beside—Oh, fuck Blitzø with an ice cold iron rod. That was Lucifer's actual child.

"Nah, it's cool. Dad doesn't say it, but I don't think he believes in my plan either," Princess Morningstar said with a weak smile. Oof, dreams crushed by the old man? Blitzø could relate. He watched her turn her frown around upside down as she beamed. "But the jokes on him! We got our first client!"

"..Is she serious?" Loona asked, then looked at the one eyed girl. The girl groaned into a hand and Loona's ears perked. "Are you serious?! Someone is actually going to try this shit?"

"Yep!" Princess Morningstar darted off and dragged over…Oh fuck. Oh no. Blitzø's heart just broke. The one Sinner he thought was worth a damn; mostly because of the stupid hot porn he was in. "This is Angel Dust, and he's the first Sinner to check in at the Happy Hotel!"

"Yeah, uh, hey or whatever." Angel Dust wiggled his fingers at Loona and pushed at the Princess of Hell that was clinging to him. "Dame, get the fuck off of me, I still gotta get Fat Nuggets and my shit-hello, handsome!"

"I can come upstairs right?" The fucking Kidnapper asked as he walked out of the basement with half a fucking greasy and messy jumpsuit on. What fucking kind of royal dressed like that?! Like he was as low as the rest of them?!

Ugh, it pissed Blitzø off on principle. And then even more so as Loona huffed and fucking walked over to her kidnapper! Like why?! Why the shi—He's a dead motherfucker. Blitzø's eye twitched as Loona initiated a kiss while cradling the royal fucker's head, forcing her tail to wag as he put his hands on her hips. Then, when it broke, his baby girl turned to look him in the eye, blood red Hellhound glare narrowed.

"You should be fine, right Dad?"

Ohh, she played fucking dirty. If he did anything right now, that would probably be the end of his relationship with Loona. If he didn't do anything, then that Kidnapping Pedophile would just steal her away anyway! Ugh, he just can't fucking win today!

"...Next time I won't miss." Blitzø growled and irritably pulled his flintlock out to inspect it. "Fucking thought after that stupid Last Itchy-Ha-Ha fucker that my sights needed to be tweaked, looks like I was right."

A sudden hot pressure filled the room and a hard sting traveled down his spine. Blitzø found himself revisiting his worst first mistake in life again before the memory flashed away. Glowing white eyes glared into his and his airway was blocked.

"What. Did. You. Say?" Oh shit, his Hate-Boner just popped into a twice as hard Fear-Boner.

"Guns! Misaligned! Get..offa..me!" Blitzø kicked at the arm that held him again and—Oh, oh fuck oh shit oh fuck! Fuck! His body was shape shifting! House Demons only did that when they were really fucking pissed or really fucking horny! What? Stolas got kinky, fuck off.

Please be the latter! I can use that!

"The Last what?" The Kidnapper growled again as three little blue eyes sprouted in a triangular arrangement on his forehead. The fur down his arms started to turn black. "Speak, Imp! The Last what?!"

"Last...itchi-ha...or...some...shit!" Blitzø gulped as the grip loosened enough to let him breath, and sweat as the Kid-no, the Nightmare leaned in close and his fucking muzzle split into four grotesque mandibles.

"Was the name Uchiha?"

"Fuck! Maybe?! Probably!" Blitzø flinched and curled up as a fist drove through the wall beside him.

"Probably?!" The snarl shook the foundations as thunder rolled through the Ring sky. "Think very fucking carefully, Shitzø, I'm not feeling tolerable of you right now."

"Yes! Yes, it was that!" Fucking thank Satan for Moxxie and Millie. The little twink and thot were cuddled together, while— unholy shit, was the Princess slipping into her true form?! Hm, maybe Blitzø should plan his next attack on the Kidnapper more carefully.— Princess Morningstar stood in front of the cyclops girl and Angel Dust. Wait, where was Loona?

Oh, there she was. Squirming against the basement door and panting. She must be fucking overwhelmed by the House Demon; yeah, Blitzø could relate. It's a lot—He was dropped to the ground and fell to his side, hacking. Where did-?

Oh, shit, The Nightmare was crouched in front of his co-workers/fuck buddies. Also, wow, that was a lot of fucking scars on this royal demon's back. Like he'd seen actual combat or something. Shit, one of them looked like a sealed up hole. The chains that sprouted from his body waved without a wind to guide them and…yeah, alright, fine! Blitzø would fuck that ass raw. A series of clicks was followed by a deep growl.

"Tell me everything."

AN: mixed feelings on this one. Kind of drunk, but liked its flow. Also, Naruto knows!

...What on earth is that sudden chill of dread and foreboding? Steve, you wanna look into that? ...What do you mean you aren't paid enough?! You got a cracker last week!

Ugh, these fucking people.

Remember, it's just fucking Fan-Fiction