AN: Yeah, the big Cyber Cookie of ch 37 I was hoping would be caught was missed. Sorry, everyone, that's on me for making it too vague. There's a couple minis that got got, though!

ghust95 – Mimzy wasn't really a reference, more of a cameo, but you're the first to bring attention to it, so keep your streak going! (alas, no, the Ch 32 Ref was not a ref to Nifty, good guess tho. Hint: It's from a Disney movie of the 2000s)

Silent Discord: You got it! Bruce, the name, comes from Spielburg's infamous monster from Jaws; the fact he's a tiger shark is a reference to the first shark casualty in the film – where the shark hunters get a tiger shark instead of Bruce. Enjoy your cyber cookie!

Disclaimer: Bonesboy15 doesn't own Helluva Boss or Naruto. The following is a written work of fan-fiction. It contains adult language and situations. Reader discretion is advised.

One Knuckleheaded Glutton

Stricken

A phone rang in the corridors of the Underworld. It echoed through the darkness before a snarl overcame it. There was a crunch as a claw swiped down onto the table and broke off the corner of it. An uttered curse was followed by another claw swipe that successfully snagged the phone.

"Oh, who the fuck is calling right now?! Don't they know how fucking early it is?!" Cerb snarled lowly as his brothers quietly dozed and obnoxiously snored respectively. He squinted at the number on the line and then grimaced. "Gods dammit. Herb. Herb!"

"Cerb, we'd better be on fire." Herb growled without opening his eyes. "That's the only fucking reason you'd wake me up."

"Bee's calling us."

"...Then fucking answer it."

"I don't want to talk to her!"

"Grow up."

"Herb!" Cerb whined.

"Fuck– You're such a little bitch!" Herb snarled and let the phone be lifted to his ear once it was answered. "Bee."

"Herb...hey."

"Do you know what fucking time it is?"

"Uh...probably time for me to get a watch?"

"Deus...It's too fucking early for this shit." Herb growled as he sat up and then slapped Russ a few times. The snoring third head kept sleeping and Herb's blind eye twitched. "If you sleep through this, you fucker, I will rip you off of our shoulders if you sleep on your watch ever fucking again."

"Uh, everything alright?"

"Fucking fine. Russ is just compensating for us." Herb glared at Cerb, who pointedly looked away. He lowered his voice and put the phone to their chest and he growled. "You just gave up two watch 'naps', fucker! And don't you fucking whine at me or I'll give you a fucking reason to!"

"But-!"

"Shut the fuck up and make some coffee! I'm up now." He growled and put the phone back to his ear. "It's Three A.M., Bee, what do you fucking want?"

"Sorry to wake you, Herb. I wouldn't call this early if it wasn't important."

"No, I'm sorry. It's not my turn to be awake and I shouldn't take it out on you." Herb huffed, another surly glare aimed at the other conscious head that tried to make a new pot of coffee with his one available hand. The Queen Bee had a terrible sense of timing as it was, but at least she was courteous about others' needs. He yawned and his ear flicked as he resisted the urge to scratch his head while Cerb threw their brew into a coffee machine. "What did you need that couldn't wait another three or four hours?"

"There's a hit out on Baby Bro, I want you to find the person who put it out."

"Hera help me–Is that all?" Herb groaned and used his now free hand to pick sleep out of his eye. The coffee pot could NOT brew fast enough.

"Is that–?! Did you know?!"

"About the hit? Yes, I knew; the Coin-Shìthe knew; pretty sure everyone that sends reports to Morningstar fucking knew," he sighed and glared at the pot. A slump on his left shoulder made his good eye twitch. "I swear to the Gods, Cerb, if you just fucking fell asleep–"

"You knew there was a hit on my Baby Bro and none of you didn't think to fucking tellme?!"

"Calm your tits. It's not like anyone worth a damn is going to be able to cash in on it." Herb rolled his eyes. His ex was such a fucking Demeter in the making. Were it not for the fact he knew the Olympians only fucking retired and didn't actually die, he'd be a little worried about it. There was a snarl over the line and he pinched his muzzle. "Bee, for the love of the Old Gods above and below, grow the fuck up."

"You wanna run that shit by me again asshole?!"

"It's too fucking early for me to appease your ego, Bee-Lzebub!" He snarled back, reminding her exactly who he was as he did. Her growls quieted and he snorted. "Look, the brat's a mediocre fighter, but he'll be fine, alright? You want details, Morningstar has 'em. Just let him get in the few scrapes he's gonna have and crack open a keg or three to watch the ensuing fireworks."

"A fucking GoetiaPrince shot at Baby Bro with a goddamn Angelic rifle, and you want me to let that go?!"

"...I believe I'm missing some critical need-to-know information." Herb deadpanned. She growled out a brief summary of everything that happened in the past day, and fucking gods! Damn the brat's rotten luck. He glared first at Cerb's sleeping head and then Russ', then at the coffee machine that was taking too fucking long to brew. He dragged a hand down his face. It's too fucking early for this shit. Gods-damned brat. He better be suffering for this shit.

Despite what might be thought of the overly common occurrence, Sloth's mountain ranges were not always subject to a blistering blizzard. For a constant weather pattern such as that could be adapted to so easily by many forms of life. It was still frigid and colder along the mountains, compared to the bustled warm valleys where the medical hub of Hell sat. The few shops there that didn't relate to Belphegor's profession focused mostly on the sales of hiking and other outdoor supplies. Many a family of Greed had moved to the ring for such promising riches. Many more of them died for failing to put practice into their form of profit.

For the natives of Sloth that saw value in the blistering bluffs that surrounded their valley, they made rental cabins for visitors to stay in. The space between cabins and locations varied. Ironically, the more expensive a cabin was, the closer to the city it would be.

In the crux of a mountain path, adjacent to a series of plateau cliffs that jutted up the tallest mountain of the land – "The Big One", it was called; Sloth natives were not creative, shocking isn't it? – and several hundred miles outside of the city limits, just on the edge of where Hellphone services would function, was a cozy little cabin. To the right of the entrance, a kitchen with a stove and microwave sat at the ready, the stove light on as a pizza within slowly cooked. To the left was a table capable of seating four comfortably and six if enough space were invaded, and just past that was the entrance to a small bedroom suite. Within the heart of the cabin, a fire crackled in the pit at the center of the floor, able to heat the small homely vacation spot to a comfortable temperature. There was a series of cushions that surrounded the firepit as makeshift seats. It was in these seats beside the pit where a battle of wills took place, while articles of clothing and jewelry were scattered about.

Blue eyes narrowed as they stared into a pair of Red, the former wearing a pair of loose shorts, a chain collar and an white t-shirt whereas the latter was down to a jumper, a shirt beneath that, a spiked collar and a hint of something that hung off her hips under her own loose shorts (which were actually the former's spare pair of boxers). Three cards were set on the table by a clawed hand. A subtle rumble echoed in the air and Red eyes narrowed while a tail slowly swoosh-swoosh-swooshed behind them.

"Place your bet."

"Hm...Shirt. And guilty pleasure."

"That confident, are you?"

"Yep." The word was enunciated by a pop of the 'p'. A blue eye twitched.

"Alright then, give your tally."

"Three sevens."

Blue eyes narrowed into squints.

"Bullshit."

A rustic tail snapped with a thwap as the three cards were flipped over. Three sevens stared up at the players, one of Hearts, one of Diamonds and one of Clubs. A short white-grey muzzle pulled into a grin while the opposing orange and cream colored one scowled.

"How are you so fucking good at this?" The scowled muzzle grumbled as he pulled at the hem of the plain shirt he wore.

"Not my fault you suck at lying, Doof." Loona smirked as she held her phone up. "Ah, ah, do it right. This is going on the 'Gram."

"When I suggested a card game, I was expecting more along the lines of strip poker, y'know." Naruto huffed as he stood up and turned away from her, hands still at the hem of his shirt. "Not Strip Bullshit."

"Less bitching and more stripping."

"I'm getting there, geez. No appreciation for hard work." He hummed. "Can I get a beat or–?"

"Naruto." She growled at him. He was getting another session of Spot Scratches again if he kept this teasing up. It was bad enough they were too tired from all the emotional whiplash yesterday to do anything fun last night and weirdly neither of them were in the mood this morning. It might have had to do with the fact that the fire had gone out some time in the night and they woke up freezing.

That's part of why they started playing a sexy card game instead of doing anything dirty to begin with.

"Alright, alright. So excited."

"Strip, dammit."

"Fine." Her boyfriend locked eyes with her over his shoulder before he smirked and began to sway his hips. His tail flicked from one side to the next as he danced to a beat only he could hear. Then, as he slowly turned back towards her, he started to pull his shirt up and rolled his body with every inch of his natural coat that he revealed.

As evident by the frantic swooshing behind her, Loona fucking loved it. She felt a warmth spread inside her from the core of her being as she watched her adorable dumb boyfriend play up his secret sex appeal. The cut of his abs that became visible when his chest curled down; the flex of his shoulders and deceptively powerful arms as the shirt was brought up; and the roll of his hips in his pelvic thrust reminded her of – the view was gone as he tossed his shirt over her face.

"Hey!" Loona pulled the obscuring cloth away and frowned at the sight of him back in his seat by the fire. He arched an eyebrow at her as he gathered his cards.

"What, I thought strippers were supposed to do that."

Shit, she couldn't argue against that. With a disappointed huff, she stopped the recording and set her phone down. Her hand was reclaimed and she folded it out of view, before leaning forward on the back of her wrist to leer at her now shirtless boyfriend. Who then cleared his throat, which, why? She was enjoying the view, he should be flat – oh, yeah. Part two.

"You're such a fuckin' tease." She growled half-heartedly at him. He smirked and winked back as he crossed his arms. Dammit, he had no right being stupidly cute and fucking hot. "Fine, Doof. Name a guilty pleasure."

"Pfft, easy. Gardening." he said and Loona blinked. Of all the things she expected him to say, that certainly wasn't none of them. His smirk turned into a gentle smile as he shrugged. "It's calming. Plants like to listen, even if no one else will."

...Was he talking about his supposed past life or this one? Did it matter? It sounded like he knew that as a fact, rather than something he'd heard about. The implications of that were just...sad. Like his eyes looked. Even though he smiled at her right now, his eyes weren't the usual bright blue she admired. They looked darker, and held a depth of inconsolable to them almost like the oceans of Envy...or at least what little bit of them she saw.

Was it the game? No, he seemed to be enjoying himself stripping for her and her in turn – even if she cheated just a little bit by sneaking a bikini under her clothes when they decided to make things interesting by adding layers to what they wore; he didn't know about it yet, but the look on his face when he found out would be hysterical, or ego-stroking. Maybe both – stripping for him. Which, yeah, she'd enjoyed doing that, too.

That meant he was sad about something else. Fuck, she didn't want him to be sad. Not when they were supposed to actually try and enjoy the time without a psychopath trying to kill them. She put her cards down and rose up from her seat. He arched a brow, but didn't complain as she moved to sit in his lap. Her arms went around his neck as he dropped his cards on the table, hugged her back and rumbled when she rubbed her muzzle against his.

"...You liked my strip show this much?" He asked.

"No, well...It wasn't bad. Just bored after winning so much." She pulled back to look him in the eye. Still sad, but why? His nose half-twitched. She frowned and cupped his cheek. "Something's bothering you."

"What?" He blinked and then he chuckled. He smiled, put his hand over the one she had on his face and nuzzled into it. "Nah. I'm fine, Loon."

Her eyes narrowed. Yeah, he was definitely sad, and now she suspected that he was keeping up a facade to keep her happy. It's one thing to let her scratch his spot – the serotonin release from his adorable, doofy Spot Scratched smile was on par with fucking sex; Loona would die on that hill – as a makeshift form of punishment; it's another to lie to her to her face and think she'd be happy about it.

She got enough of that shit growing up in the Orphanage, thanks.

"Said every soul down Here that was ever anything but fine. Hit me with another bad lie."

"Really, it's nothing–"

"I wasn't being serious, Doof. It's something."

"It...You won't like it." Well, at least he didn't try to lie to her again.

"Are you planning on breaking up with me?" She asked dryly. His jaw popped open and he spluttered. Flustered Doof is so cute, she thought with a small smirk. She put a claw on his nose to quiet him. "Yeah, I didn't think so. That's the only fucking thing I wouldn't 'like', so just spill it. What's bothering you?"

"...I..." Naruto's pinked ears folded back again and he averted his eyes. Oh, he really thought she'd be upset? He could keep trying to lie to her, then he'd see her get upset. "I-wan-tast-ibs-gn."

"Babe, I can hear a mouse's shit hit the floor five miles away and I still didn't catch that." Loona deadpanned. She huffed and lifted his muzzle up towards hers. "C'mon, what's so wrong–?"

"I want to taste your Vibes again."

...Okay, that wasn't what she expected him to be so sad about. Wait, did he really stop doing that Vibe thing when she told him to? That was, shit, that was over twelve hours ago. ...She expected him to start back up after the fucking sniper attack...Did they ever finish that argument?

Does it have to be an argument? Part of her wondered. Maybe they could just...talk about it? Shit, she threw the communication bit back in his face yesterday and – he was her boyfriend, she liked listening to him (when he wasn't being too stupid, like running into a street and getting sh-don't think about it) and loved it when he listened to her complain about her day – she did like talking to him. It's kind of an important part of being in a relationship.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you taste Vibes? What does that even mean?" Loona frowned. Maybe she wouldn't be upset with it if she understood what it meant. "I mean, Bee mentions it sometimes when she rambles; I mean, she did when she and Tex played that stupid prank on me–"

"They what." Oops, that might not have been something she needed to share. No, no, don't growl, Doof. Don't growl. Fuck. He growled.

"It's not important–"

"Loon, what did Bee do?"

"Naruto, just–" She hesitated as she rubbed her thumb on his cheek. Don't misunderstand, she was flattered he was so upset on her behalf, but there wasn't much he could do about it now. The prank was like two weeks ago, and she was over it for the most part. Granted, if she could get rid of the recorded evidence of any supposed compassion she had for her adoptive Imp father, she'd be happier, but that was an issue for Future Loona. "First let's talk about your Vibe taste thing, then I'll tell you about the prank, okay?"

"But they–!"

"Naruto, it happened weeks ago. You were still in the Pit then."

"I was–?" His ears went ramrod straight, his lips curled into a snarl before he closed his eyes and nuzzled her hand again. The snarl fell but the growl happened again and she needed him to stop doing that. She was trying to make him happy, not let him make her horny. "We are definitely talking about that prank, Loon."

"Okay." She brought her nose up to tease his with a small Boop. "Vibes first."

He was curled up on himself and glared at the woods outside the manor. The woods that reminded him of home but weren't. Home was gone. The Leaf was gone. Everyone was gone. Dead.

He hated his small body. It wasn't strong, it wasn't fast, and it was so awkward. The tail was the worst part, it looked just like one of TheFox's – It's dead, it's dead! He's free. Free-Free-Free! He was Free! No longer a cage for a monster, no longer a demon child...except he was. He was a demon now. A literal demon child. They were right and he was alone again. – and it never freaking listened to him! A finger pinched his stupid oversized ear and he yipped – not yelped, he 'yipped', like Akamaru's dog Kiba would when they fought...in the...Spring Festival..? That didn't sound right; he'd have to think about it some more later – before he pouted up at the fuzzy bee fox that was his new 'sister'.

"What's wrong, Baby Bro?" Bee crouched down to meet his eye level. He frowned at her.

"You just pinched my ear."

"Because your Vibes taste rank, goofball." She poked him in the center of his head and he growled at her. She giggled and snatched him up before could try to get away. Then he was being hugged and it was so cool-strange-neat-weird to have four arms from one person hugging him! "What's wrong?"

"Just thinking about stuff...What are Vibes?" he asked.

"What are Vibes?" Bee blinked and looked up. "Huh, I don't think I've ever had to explain what a Vibe is...Vibes are the way anything feels, like, emotionally."

"...And you...taste them?" Naruto asked with a tilt of his head. Bee cooed at him and his ears flattened. He was not cute, dammit. He was almost fou...fifteen? ...Well, technically he would be if Sasuke – betrayer-brother-friend-traitor-ally-killer – hadn't...

"Yeah! If I tried to focus on eating actual food all the time I'd never get anything done! Heck, that's how I used to be until one day I figured I needed to try something different – I think I was actually gaining weight, and trust me, Baby Bro, there's nothing cute about a fat Queen Bee – so I just walked around the Ring looking for stuff to try and came across a party. I think it was a birthday party? ...Might've been a wedding. Anyway, there was this supper choice sweet taste in the air and I thought at first it was the cake, but it turned out to be the Vibes! I was hooked from then on." Bee shrugged. His head spun from trying to follow that rambling. He got a sharp poke in the nose that had him go cross-eyed and refocus. "Anyway, yours are rank, so what stuff's got my Baby Bro so upset?" Her eyes narrowed and her teeth gleamed. "...Do I have to eat another tutor?"

"No!" He cried out. He didn't want to be the reason people died...Yeah, the first guy got super creepy, but the other six weren't so bad! The seventh guy would've been okay if he hadn't tried perving on Bee. Cerberus didn't take kindly to that. "No, this one's...this one's not as bad."

"Uh-huh, we'll see about that." Well, he tried, sorry Tutor Demon number eight. He'll miss your debates on ramen. ...No, he won't. "If not that, what else is wrong?"

"Just thinking about ...stuff."

"Oh, Baby Bro, you don't have to lie to me! We're brother and sister; we don't have secrets." Bee pushed her cheek against his and one of her hands stroked down the back of his head and he turned into a puddle of goo. Shit, he hated this the most, his nerves got overstimulated way too easily and his body compensated by going limp. Another stroke was accompanied by one of her giggles. A sweet tasting, sort of honey-ish thing slithered into his mouth with his next breath right after. He licked at the air and Bee gasped. "Baby Bro, did you just–? You did. You did! Unholy fucking shit!"

"Wh–" Bee was there, suddenly, in his face, and they were off the ground and he did not like being off of the ground and spinning so fast!

"You can taste Vibes! You can taste Vibes! This is great!" She smiled at him so bright and happy and honey-sweet before she pulled him into a tight, body crushing hug – Air! AIR! BEE! AIRRR! – and her face rubbed against his and–Wait, why did his face feel wet? "There's never ever, never ever, never been another demon that could taste Vibes like me! Shit, I'm gonna teach you everything I know! First lesson, don't try to eat Levi's Vibes. They're disgusting and I'm eighty percent sure it's because they don't shower."

He proceeded to learn far too much about the other Seven Sins that day.

He also managed to learn that his sister had a crush on Satan.

When he asked Cerberus later, he found out that he knew and thought it was hysterical.

Satan was apparently "in the closet," whatever that meant.

AN: Okay, so...Tuesdays officially SUCK

...Late post...But I have a good reason.

I almost died today.

...Fuck–Ruining my fun, Steve! You're back to one saltine for the lip, fucker!

Bastard, fine! I didn't almost die, but I was attacked by a Bouncy Castle that was picked up by a tornado while I was driving home from work. Hoo-boy, was that something to write about...What? What's ironic, Steve? ...Congrats, you're down to half a cracker, motherfucker.

It's just Fan Fiction.