A/N: I'm already biting my own nails…
Edited as of: March 27, 2022 to reflect corrections, additions, and general changes since publishing Ch9.
Suitors of Rapunzel
Ch3 □ Day 305 ⌧
playlist on YouTube as SoR - Ch3 - Day 305
Rapunzel awoke with a splitting headache, and way too hot. She threw the quilt off, and realized something was not right. She was in her bed, upstairs in the tower, but was not in her nightgown, but neither was she in her corset. She looked down at her thin shift, crossed her arms over herself, but just stared off as she tried to piece together what happened last night.
She fell asleep downstairs, in the window seat. Eugene must have put her in bed, but he only removed her corset. The idea of him doing that at all made her blush, let alone to know that he did so while she was clearly not conscious enough to be aware of any of it.
The light outside, much as it hurt her eyes, looked like midmorning at least already. She leapt out of bed, unnaturally panicked about wasting the day and thus being yelled at by anyone or everyone. At the doorway, she paused. Only Eugene was around, and he certainly would not care if she went back to sleep. She settled down at that realization, but still continued on downstairs.
She peeked around to see him slung over the sofa, still dead asleep, face tucked into the corner of the seat, likewise hiding from the morning light. She grabbed a new dress from the wardrobe, then crept closer to his side. "Eugene?" she whispered delicately.
No response. He looked pretty disheveled himself, but his chest rose and fell with a slow, peaceful, silent breath.
She smiled so softly at him. They may have lost control again last night, but not in the way she feared from others. But you're the orphan, the conman, criminal, almost hanged, just another worker around the castle… When the rest are Princes, how can I ever tell who's a good man? Even when you know how much I do want you… But you love her, not me anymore… She sighed, and went to change. He's gone TOO good...
That sharp throbbing headache was getting to her, though, and when she tried to think of making breakfast, her stomach felt like it wanted to leave her. With the curtain closed, she easily got herself to cry thinking about last night all over again, and quietly sang for herself. A few moments later, she was perfectly refreshed.
All the way downstairs again and outside, she found bacon and eggs in the cellar, amidst being amazed with admiring Eugene's handiwork of digging out and fashioning the small room. Back upstairs, he still had not stirred, so she started on breakfast.
Soon the bubbling of eggs and the crackling and sizzling of bacon seared through the quiet summer buzz of the late morning. But it was the wonderful smell that finally roused Eugene to turn his head, and slowly, ever so slowly, begin stretching out to get up. Eventually he raised up to sitting, dozed off another second, but then with great effort, pushed off his knees to stand up. From there it was only a few staggered steps before he could collapse again in a chair at the table, and drop his head into his arms to hide from the brightness. He groaned what was meant to be a greeting.
Rapunzel turned around and giggled at him. "Morning!"
He groaned again.
"Ummm," she tilted her head nearly upside down, as she bent down near him to whisper, and ran her hand through his hair soothingly. "You want some coffee?"
He nodded in his arms.
"Yeah? Could you just tell me what to do and I'll make it?" She had at least seen him make it the morning before, but only that once.
He groaned and nodded again. Between grumbling and sleepiness, he managed to direct her til the life giving elixir was ready. She brought the mug over to him, but he still pointed behind him. "Rum. The bottle. Please."
"Uh, okay?" She set the mug down, then fetched the bottle of rum, and watched as he finished pouring the cream in, then continued with a splash of the rum.
He gulped half it down before sighing in sweet relief. "And thaaat's an 'Irish' coffee," he chuckled. "Well," he shrugged, "'Hair of the dog.'"
"Ah," she giggled as she went to dish out their food. "I think I recall you mentioning that, but you weren't this bad, um, that week."
He hid his blush back in his cup before he answered. "That's 'cause I didn't let you see me like this. Also we were celebrating, not," he waved out over his shoulder to finish. He gulped the next half down, then set right to pouring a second cup. "Thank you, so much," he sighed.
"Well," she blushed, "Thank you for, putting me to bed last night."
"Yeah, no problem," he answered while rubbing his face, instead of looking at the delicate way she carried herself at the moment, along with the plates.
"No, I mean, like, and thank you, for... taking my corset off…"
"Well I know you shouldn't sleep in it. You'd wake up sore and it's bad for it, too, right?" He finally looked up at her as she set his down.
"Yeah," she quietly turned away.
He sighed, then snatched her wrist. "Com'ere, pretty girl." He forced himself to stand up, then pulled her into a hug, where she latched onto him even quicker than he could to her. "STOP thanking me for not being downright evil."
"I know," she whimpered, "But still."
"Hrmmm," he chuckled, still rather hoarse as he clumsily but teasingly whispered on her ear, "You knew exactly what you were getting yourself into when you agreed to drinks with me last night."
She giggled, "Yes, I did." She pulled away, sufficiently cheered up once more.
Eugene flopped back to his seat, continuing chuckling and shaking his head. "You been throwing yourself at me, so if I did want that, what sense would it make if you were too out of it at all?"
She blushed, embarrassed as she took her seat. "Yeah, so actually, I guess, I'm sorry, that I was… doing that to you last night. I- I'm just-"
Eugene tensed, serious, running his fingers over every inch of her last night in his memory. "Rapunzel…" he said stoically.
"Hm?" she watched him carefully, apologetically.
"You… don't have to apologize for that..."
"But I should! I shouldn't've been trying to do that myself to you-"
"No, but I…"
"Why wouldn't you want me to apologize for that?"
"Because I know I wanted it."
"Wha… I thought you didn't? You said you didn't-"
"Rapunzel…" He covered his face in his hands, elbows propping them up at the table, "I've wanted you like that ever since I first laid eyes on you, before anything else. You are right about that; you've never been crazy, you weren't seeing something that wasn't there..."
She tucked in on herself. "But now?"
He sighed and shrugged, dropping his arms. "You're still hot. Still sexy. Stunning, gorgeous, incredibly desirable. But now…" Last night flashed, but as good as it felt, it still felt empty, still left him empty. I still want love… And I am in love with someone else, who actually loves me back! He spaced out, imagining the countless times he and Brenna had shared an adoring look, a quick kiss, and those easy, casual 'I love you's. A blissful smile warmed over him, as each time he remembered wrapped his heart in another layer of insulation. I'm gonna be married! And get to keep that love forever! With a whole family!
"But now…?" Rapunzel prompted him to finish.
He looked back up at her. "But I don't wanna be your fuck buddy. Or 'courtesan,' or whatever you'd call it at that level. I can't do that. And I certainly do NOT want to lose what I finally have. I have a life and- sorta a family- Brenna's family, and I can't risk losing that just to see one time-..." He sighed and rubbed his face again. "Can we please talk about something else? Hell, tell me about Barkole from yesterday even."
"I…" she winced at him, "Didn't think you'd want to hear any more about him than you already had to deal with." Hearing that he finally had those things with Brenna, though, at least made her feel better on her end; he was happy and being treated well, too. How could she not want that for him?
A slight frown twinged his neck, but he insisted, "I do want to hear more." Tell me what I can tell you I know, not to mention this'll probably be the most honest evaluation you've ever given.
She squirmed in her seat. "Well, like what?"
"Well for starters, do you like him?"
Yeah? I guess, but… She jolted a bit. "Eugene, I- I can't..."
"Do you like him, yes or no. It's simple. Basically, are ya gonna see him again?"
She dropped her head, but nodded.
"Alright, well that's good. Anything in par-"
"Eugene," she burst, "I can't talk about this with you!"
He held both hands out at a loss. "Why not? Just, I dunno, tell me about him, what were you two talking about?"
She deadpanned him with a slight glare. "He's English, twenty-two, knows Latin, Greek, Spanish, French, and all about Gentileschi, favorite's Caravaggio. But he just got a degree from Oxford."
He half frowned back at her. "Really."
"What?"
"You're not gonna make me jealous by pointing out everything we have in common except for age and status."
She quirked her head, distracted. "I thought your favorite was Rubens?"
He shrugged. "Prometheus is my favorite, but there's a lotta Caravaggio I love, too. And you know I respect Rococo but I don't like that between that and the 'Romantics,' it looks like it's all slipping into something that doesn't take much effort or talent at all- But anyway, no, I mean-"
"Effort or talent?! There's still the color and lighting and the subjects still have meaning, it's just different styles-"
"But then it's not on the same level as like-"
"Oh," she scoffed, "Like-"
He laughed, "Not your stuff. Have I ever given you any indication I don't like your paintings? I do. But you're just, very different entirely. And I meant in the future, maybe. I could be wrong. What do I know? But anyway-"
She scoffed again and looked around in offended disbelief.
"What?" he chuckled. "You weren't arguing with him like this at least, so there ya go."
She had to smirk at that, which somehow morphed into a blushing grin. "Nooo, he was excited about all the changes the Romantics are making."
He shrugged, grinning. "See? I'm too old-fashioned. Gimme Baroque and Neo-Classical."
She bit her lip, trying to look at him, til she got the nerves to ask, "You still like The Swing?"
He paused, smile vanishing, and tried to look at her face, but could not bear to keep his eyes there. "I like most of The Swing."
By the time they finished 'breakfast,' it was well into the afternoon. Rapunzel, being perfectly hangover-free, offered to clean up. Eugene went up to her bedroom to dress, and for his diary again, but merely jotted a bit down right there.
May 22 - Day 305
Nothing's changed. Nothing's ever going to change.
Might have finally found the one for her though.
...why only one…?
For the afternoon, Eugene planned on strictly enjoying doing absolutely nothing but napping off the remains of his hangover, outside, minus any leather. The heat wave was not going anywhere for the time being.
Rapunzel was going to tackle her paints, if any were still any good or if they could be thinned out back into a usable condition - until she got curious...
July 21 - Day 2
Sooooo… Tom got me this "diary" to-
I just can't believe this…
I don't know what to say…
Almost feels wrong to talk about her to someone else- some*thing* else? Still, there's secrets here that we will always need to trust each other to keep… I hope.
I already regret throwing those things in the ocean… But she probably did worse.
I don't really know what to do with this. Do I complain about her here? Do I instead direct my love letters here? How would that help me get over it? Maybe just focus on everything else? I know I'd never be able to *stop* writing if it were all about her...
Spotted that girl again last night at whatever the bar was that Tom dragged me to. Brenna. She's nice. Still don't know if she's just interested in me because of all the 'hero' news, or actually interested in me. That was before she left at a reasonable hour, and then I got so blitzed that I passed out and Tom had to take me back to dump me in my room at the castle & then he- *left* - which I of course take personal offense to, but he's still a very good friend. Anyway, he doesn't know I'd come back out here…
I don't think I stopped crying the entire time I was cleaning all that up… She really put up a hell of a fight before I even got here…
What else… Work just became a little less of a hell, I guess. I hope. If I do get to see that Brenna again, I hope her working at the castle too is a help and not a hindrance…
Alright I guess it does feel better to have an outlet.
July 22 - Day 3
Same stuff, nothing new. I know it's only 1 more day later, but is this ever going to get easier? It's never been this hard… Tom says by this time next year I'll have forgotten all about it.
...but I sincerely doubt that.
Either way, let's see where I am come that Day 365.
-shit… Where am I gonna be on Day *335*? She's gonna want lanterns again for her birthday, & I don't wanna be anywhere near it… Maybe some bourbon early & just make sure the shutters are closed… But I still *know* they *can* be seen from here… Well? Who knows. A lot can happen before then.
She flipped through the pages, every single date numbered and filled with at least a tidbit or two, til she noticed important dates leap out at her.
July 26 - Day 7
KISS!
Oh this is so wonderful - even if I am just being stupid it's so nice! What's another hurt, if I can feel like this for at least a little bit again? Ah, it feels like it's been so long! I don't wanna think- just- just enjoy this- just… Basking in this new energy!
August 18 - Day 30
She has got to be THE rudest most difficult worst tempered girl IN THE WORLD! People call her compassionate?! For everyone else in the world but when it comes to me she's suddenly this bitch outta hell! I didn't even do anything to her! I know she doesn't know it, but I was actually helping her at the moment! I'm the one who should be vengeful if anything! Ohhh if anything like that ever happens again, I'm not lying for her next time! & who'm I kidding- it's HER- of course there's gonna be a next time.
Job's safe. She can't get me in trouble there without getting herself in trouble, too. But she could still ruin everything else good in my life. That was way too close. I'd rat her out & confess everything before I lose this. She'd get a talking to & a random milkmaid hating her - but I could lose everything.
How was she NICER to me before I ever told her my name?!
August 19 - Day 31
Realized I gotta lock this in. Dinner at her parents' tonight.
…
I have never felt so normal… Not sure how I feel about the unnecessary threats overall, but I know it's at least normal. I've never actually dated anyone like this *properly* before. The King never even tried to give me anything close to "that talk." But this? Sure I had to defend myself using those feats & I hated talking about it with him, but he was taking me seriously! Her parents really like me! This is incredible!
...at least, I guess, she did set me up to even have this chance at these good things in life.
September 29 - Day 72
Gotta say, kinda weird to have a girlfriend on my birthday? (Or one that lasted this long at all!) So there was actually a reason to celebrate it! She surprised me with a whole picnic out by the river, ah… Just a shared bottle of wine, then snuggling watching the sunset over sparkling babbling water? Girl's so romantic, I'm gonna have to step up my game! -not that it's ever felt like a game? For once.
Then dinner at her parents' again of course. Still feels weird feeling so normal, but I wouldn't trade it!
December 25 - Day 157
Technically the 26th already, but I couldn't risk taking this with me when I stayed over.
THAT. was the Best Christmas Eve Ever! And Christmas Day, too?! Oh, Lord, wow! I've never been so happy - never had such a Christmas before! Baking with her mom?! Helping her dad?! They really feel like my family - I felt like a kid again and finally like a functioning adult all at once! I can't believe it! I got presents! I could AFFORD TO BUY presents! I lost track of how many things I bought her, I've just been so happy, & she appreciates it all so much!
Extra nice just to get to spend all this time with her, since I got moved AGAIN so I've been working outside while she's been inside. At least one of us is warm. & while her parents are away come New Year's Eve, she can warm me up then, & not just in a guest room.
January 1 - Day 164
Oh God I feel awful… I don't think she suspected anything, but that was surprisingly difficult at first. It was wonderful of course, but I just had trouble getting settled. Chocked it up to all sorts of nerves, at least partially true I guess.
It's supposed to be a new year! Everything's going great! I love her and her family so much and they love me and I get to hear it at least once a day at work and then some and it's just wonderful! ...so why can't I stop remembering.
We could go so much farther if I really had "my own place," but I don't wanna pay rent, don't wanna be sleeping INSIDE the castle, & I just can't imagine leaving this place. It is pretty nice here. So for now, it's a bit of sneaking like a horny teenager, but with a bit of being too mature to worry about the horny at all.
Maybe after a few times of even this, it'll start to go away. I just want it to go away.
Here's to a New Year! New -
"It may be your room..."
Rapunzel gasped at Eugene's seething voice in the doorway, where he stood, shocked and scowling. The last dimming light was taking over again; she had not even noticed it was getting harder to read. Without his boots, she had not heard him come inside at all.
"But you know that's not yours," he growled.
Rapunzel froze as her eyes widened on him.
"Stealing what little privacy I had left?!" He yelled, flinging his arm out, gesturing widely to the entire tower.
Rapunzel recoiled from him and tossed the book to the other side of the bed. "I- I..." she stammered, "I'm sorry, I just-!"
"You're sorry you got caught!" He darted to the book and seized it, then chucked it out through the door to the main space down below. Pages flapped and fluttered through the air, til the leather binding landed on the stone with a slap. He whirled back towards her. "How dare you?!"
This angry face in particular she had no fear of. No, this one she was used to fighting back and sparring against. She knelt up on the bed and, just as angry, pointed at him. "Well you-! You won't talk to me about anything!"
He held his hands out at a loss, looking around the room. "Won't talk to you?! We were just talking over breakfast! YOU were the one who didn't wanna talk!"
She was shaking her head. "I mean about any of THIS!" She drew her hands down in front between them.
"What? 'US?!' There is no 'us' anymore - so there's nothing to talkabout!"
"Ohhh," she rallied, "There is so much to talk about!"
He took one irate step towards her, his voice going frighteningly low. "What did you read in there?"
She huffed away. "You said yesterday on the way back, that you didn't wanna talk about Brenna- What are you so worried about now? Were you planning on just lying to me before?!"
He scoffed, but kept pressing, "Am I to assume you read the entire thing?! Or you wanna confess?! Tell me what all you read!"
She grimaced back at him. "You have the days numbered, from, when… When you left. You got it from Tom to get over me. She surprised you on your birthday. You spent Christmas with Brenna's family-" her voice cracked.
He glared her down. "Yeah, I had the best Christmas of my life! I thought a diary was a dumb idea but it has been nice to write in. But those days are only getting numbered til 365." He took another step, leaning his face closer to her. "But there were a lot more feelings you skipped over around all those things." Then he stood back straight and tall, arms crossed. "Then again, I know how good you are at ignoring my feelings."
She rolled her eyes. "I was just giving you a brief list of the parts I did see."
"You shouldn't have seen any of it!"
"A-and why not?" she cried out in a whine. "You always used to be able to tell me all about your feelings and-"
"And," he gestured as he explained, "That was when we were together! Come on, you're not stupid, Rapunzel! You know you shouldn't've read that. And you get relationships enough that you know the difference between before and after."
"But why can't we at least be friends?" she pleaded, still annoyed.
He scoffed. "I cannot be friends with you, Rapunzel."
She leaned away, grimacing at him, shaking her head. "But why? We were friends before!"
"We were a lotta things before. Now? We're strangers with memories. Memories that don't even feel like we experienced the same things sometimes."
She sat there, stunned, and for once understanding exactly what he meant… and agreeing. "You're right," she said in a daze, "But I do care about you."
"Pfft," he threw his head back, "You-? You care so you read my diary?!"
"I was looking for answers!"
"Answers?" he gasped, then yelled, "TO WHAT!"
"To what on Earth happened to you!"
"'What happened to ME?'" he gasped again as he pointed to himself, then threw his arms back out at her. "You happened! But I haven't changed since then!"
"No-!"
He turned back on his heel towards the door, throwing his arms up in defeat. "This is ridiculous! I'm not doin' this. You're not- Heh, I can't believe you. Like you're gonna pin this all on me, like everybody else does, when you know the truth. You know, and even when we are one-hundred-percent alone, with all the time in the world, you can't even acknowledge it."
Her heart suddenly pounded, blood run cold, unable to say a word, or even think of any other word. Gasping, she tried, "Euge…"
"What?" he turned back to bite at her, waiting for her to say anything, anything at all.
Her eyes watered instead. "I… I had no idea…"
His eyes narrowed at her. "No idea about what? How far did you read?"
"Just to New Year's? But… the beginning… I had no idea - there was so much pain… I thought you didn't care at all, I-" She shook her head, trying to keep control of the tears.
He leaned back away from her and tensed, his own eyes wide, terrified, waiting… No no no no no not like this-!
"But ever since then, why have you hated me?"
"Oh for heaven's sake," he sighed and relaxed, "I do not hate you."
"Then how? How did you go from- from that night- or, yes, from what I read, the next night, to now? Why you're so okay?"
He looked at her long and hard, thinking carefully about his answer. "Time. Time and consequence, Love."
"I was only trying to help…" She slowly approached.
"Well stop." He turned his back to her.
She snuck her arms to his waist from behind, sliding them around to embrace him.
He grabbed her wrists right back, and lifted her off of himself. "Rapunzel, you..." He sighed. "You can't just keep doing this to me."
"It was beautiful, too, though." She pressed her face to his back.
He stepped forward to shirk her off, and turned around to face her. "I am not yours. I'm-... I'm your bodyguard. I'm your stable hand. I'm your groundskeeper. I'm your servant, for anything else. But I am NOT, your prince, your suitor, your LOVER… We're barely even friends!" Yet it was difficult to keep a stern look on.
"Eugene," she begged, shaking her head as she could barely breathe and more tears were hot on her lids. She shrunk in on herself, clutching her elbows, where the door was now even on the same side for how they stood, faced off, in the fading light. "I'm sorry."
Eyes triggered wide again, imagining he could even see flashes of lightning now, he backed away, gulping, trembling, shaking a finger out at her. "It doesn't matter if you're sorry." But he stood his ground, feet even remaining planted there this time.
She gasped, realizing what she had just said, and how they stood. "No, I mean-... I..." I can't explain this… And not like this- not when he's angry and I'm flustered!
"What?!" Despite the volume of his voice, the sadness was louder than the anger. "What do you mean, Rapunzel?!" On ragged deep breaths, his tormented eyes searched her face, without daring to face her eyes.
Rapunzel slowly shook her head, dazed, terrified, forever still stuck in the same place. But was that not what he was there for? She could get out of that dark lonely place, through him. "You still love me."
Taken aback again, shaking his head and biting his lip in a sneer. "And that's the problem, isn't it, Princess?" He jerked away into a smart step and stormed out, smacking back at the curtain.
Watching him walk away, again, she completely deflated, vision going hollow into nothing. She slowly wandered back to her bed, and flopped down, stunned…
Eugene stomped right down the stairs and picked his diary up from the center of the room where it had landed. His head was spinning, gasping to recover from the fear and anger surrounding him, filling his lungs. At a loss, no more hiding spots or trust in boundaries left, he tossed it over to the sofa.
After more irritated pacing, grabbing at his hair with shaky hands, and infuriated writhing, his eyes settled above the mantel. The old wooden door stood upon it, where he had recentered it, blocking the only mural he wished to keep hidden. But, that door and those curtains could not hide everything; the mural drifted high above the curtain rod. His face twisted at the shaded blue sky and especially the yellow squares and circles rising in that sky. They mocked him, constantly, joyfully looking down upon his foolish dreams, and his stupid, stupid heart. The tumultuous rage he swirled in was only egged on, a single blaring word came to mind. Paint.
He darted to the shelves, where he remembered oddly stumbling upon a very large can of paint on the floor beneath them. Do it. He found it, and grabbed it and a wide brush that had fallen behind it. His plan hardly needed figuring. Determinedly, can and brush in one hand, he snatched the back of the green wooden chair with his other and dragged it with him over to the fireplace. I'm gonna. With the edge of the brush handle, the paint can popped open, was set up on the mantel, and ready. An unexpected choke coughed out of his throat as he stepped up onto the seat of the chair. He climbed up onto the mantel, his eyes burning.
In one strong swift shove, the heavy wooden door slid and plummeted off the ledge. It thudded to the stone floor in a thunderous roaring clatter. It collided with the wooden, but much more fragile, spinning wheel below, snapping at least a few somethings.
Rapunzel jumped at the ungodly sound, and instantly pushed herself up off the bed, alert, head looking towards her doorway. What on Earth – Oh my goodness is he OKAY?! Before she knew it, she had leapt to the doorway and slipped through the curtains– But she froze there. Directly across the room downstairs, but right before her eyes, Eugene stood atop the fireplace mantel, wide paintbrush in hand and large paintbucket at his feet.
He paused, glancing around at the painted trees and sky and infernal 'lights' so close to his face. Get rid of it. Mechanically on a mission, he stooped to dip the brush in the dark blue bucket.
Rapunzel gasped silently, and shrunk behind one curtain, just barely peeking out. Her heart pounded. No- he wouldn't! She could not bear to watch, and yet morbidly needed to witness it. Carefully clasping the curtain in her hands to conceal herself, she peered out so she could not be seen, lest he look this way.
Just- do it... His eye caught the girl. He had stared at this painting so many times, for so long before, wept and prayed before it, covered or not. It was burned into his brain. But this time, that thin river of yellow amidst green nuzzled his dead hope. A tiny, tiny sob escaped. No... He wiped his eyes hard with his free hand, shocked they were wet, then reset his face to an offended growl at the colorful wall, blinking through time at the blurry shining starlight. Erase it. Please just make it go away! He raised the dripping wet brush, ready to strike.
'...the lantern thing they do for the princess?'
'What if it's not everything I'd dreamed it would be?'
'It will be.'
'And what if it is? What do I do then?'
'...you get to go find a new dream.'
'And you were mine.'
'Something brought you here... Fate, Destiny.'
'And what if it is? What do I do then?'
'And you were mine.'
'And you were mine.'
'What if it's NOT-'
Suddenly his cheeks flushed and his heart skipped a beat. It wasn't. His free hand flew to his mouth as he screamed internally, shuddering as he took in a single hyperventilating breath. It wasn't. It WASN'T! I... I wasn't. - Or I wasn't anymore... The dark blue paint dripped from the brush all down his raised arm, onto his sleeve, then onto his bare shins and feet, ignored. All he noticed were the hot tears burning his eyes and charting new streams down his reddened wrinkled face. His arm with the brush slowly, unconsciously descended.
He lifted his arm a little once more, shaking, but weakly dropped it entirely. Fate. Destiny. Mine. ...I'm just the guy who showed up. Anyone could've come in and she'd've done the same thing. That could've been anyone else... And even if I had no part in her dreams, I still can't deny that I fell... I can't. I can't deny it. I can't - I'll never be able to erase her, or cover her up, or hide her... Eyes locked on the girl's golden ribbon of hair trailing down, as he silently mouthed, Blondie... Much as his heart broke presently, he could not do this to that girl. The brush fell from his hand, bounced off the mantel ledge to the chair and flipped around to the rug at last, flinging paint along the way anyway.
Rapunzel twirled back around to lean against the inside of the door frame. She raised her eyes to the suns on her ceiling, trying to catch her breath.
That night, Eugene lay curled up facing in on that small hard sofa downstairs. After they both stubbornly skipped dinner, and hours of fitful restlessness, he was finally drifting off from sheer emotional exhaustion. Just about to enter true sleep at last – and something kicked the sofa leg. Immediately he was thrown into high alert and looked over his shoulder to see.
"Hmph!" Rapunzel whined, stamping her foot and thrusting her fists down. Serves you right! Disrupting his efforts to sleep was the most revenge she could think of at the moment, and she indeed felt bitterly pleased about it all.
"Wha-?!" Nothing made sense and everything was blurry, never mind the darkened room. Moonlight hovered in pools of blue all about. Though she was backlit and pure silhouette from his perspective, he knew it had to be her.
She sighed loudly, a whimper, then spun on her heel to march back to the stairs.
That's IT. "NO," he called as he clumsily rolled off and bounded to his feet. He was still covered in dried paint stains but wearing only his pants in the growing unbreakable humidity even at night now. "No, no, no, you get back here!" He reached his arm in front of her from behind to grab around her waist -
But she blocked his forearm with hers, whacking it away-
He half spun from it, but his other hand lashed out to snatch her wrist instead. He yanked, trying to whip her back into a hug, but she struggled against him. "Stop- stop," he calmly whispered to her, though he was panting just as hard.
She squealed and grunted as she fruitlessly tried to shake him loose, even twirling around within his grasp to get her elbow in position -
But he was already bracing for it, and like this, he got his other arm entirely around her as he originally intended. He did not dare face her lips to her ear, and thus skull, but he did lower his head to the crook of her neck. "Stop- I'm not gonna hurt you- just stop it-"
"No!" she shrieked, still flailing.
He tried to change his grip on her-
And she managed to twist back around. She hooked her own bare foot around the back of his knee, and managed to pull his leg out from under him. Leaning in on his chest, where he was also still pulling, at the same time successfully toppled him backwards toward the ground-
But still he would not let go of her wrist, so she came tumbling with him.
They both yelled out as they thudded in a heap.
Rapunzel turned in his arms, trying to simply leave, but in doing so, he gained better access.
With her back against his chest once more, Eugene wrapped his arms under her armpits from behind, and pulled them back, rejoining his hands and firmly lacing his fingers behind her neck. "Rapunzel, stop, I'm not hurting you, you know I'm not hurting you," he kept on repeating. As he pulled her closer, he was able to right himself into a seated position, with her immobilized between his legs. He crossed each of his ankles over hers, completely pinning her there with him. "I'm not hurting you, just stop."
No matter where she tried to push off from or pull to, no amount of wriggling seemed like it would get her free from how he was wrapped around her. I know he's not hurting me but, urgh! "Let. Me. GO!" She refused to sit still.
"No! Rapunzel, I am not hurting you. I would never hurt you. Rapunzel. Look at y- Look- RAPUNZEL! I have been trying to listen to you! But will YOU just listen to ME for ONE second! Just STOP! You know I would never hurt you!"
Defeated, she settled back against him in a huff.
"There ya go, okay?" he soothed, though his voice was still strained. He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself down at very least. "See you've been practicing but we trained with the same people and I still got more experience on you."
"Is that it, then?! You just gotta win?!" she cried out.
"No," he elected to ignore that pointless argument bait, in favor of something a lot more substantial - he hoped. "Rapunzel, look at your painting."
She glanced back towards the stairs, and answered snarkily, "Which one."
"The lights, the floating lights. You know what I mean."
She cringed, but looked. That you almost destroyed...
"Rapunzel, why me?"
"What?" she gasped, surprised that was his question, unsure what he was getting at.
"Why me? Why didn't you kick me out? I was a strange man who just showed up and could have hurt you, for all you knew back then. Why did you want me to take you? You could have gone yourself. You knew the direction. Why- why did you ever- Why did you ever say any of those things you said to me?!" He could barely continue as his breathing and voice broke again, but once more cried, "Why ME?"
Rapunzel slouched farther into him, a futile want to hide from all of this. Her insides began to churn up as she thought about each of his questions, though they were indeed all one in the same. I was able to handle you. I trusted you. I was scared to go alone; I thought it'd be more dangerous than it actually was. I trusted you. You didn't ever try to hurt me. You were so much nicer to me than she ever was, and you only got nicer. I wanted to always be with you instead. I meant everything I ever said. I just couldn't say everything I meant… But I trusted you.
"Rapunzel, answer me. I have to know. I need to at least make some sense of back then."
"I just..." She sniffled, partially wondering the same thing. But she did remember her and Pascal's concerns about asking him. "I just thought I could trust you..." she fell into a sob. And I still do, but… we need more than that.
He gulped, trying to reconcile that it was indeed merely her naivete, or really over-confidence, and his pretty-faced dumb luck that scored him the original deal in the first place. "An... And after?"
"I still trusted you after." Trust she had no qualms about admitting.
"No, I mean..." His eyes squeezed shut and hissed a breath in through gritted teeth. "The lights. Why..."
I know what he's asking me but I just can't... I can't say and NOW? Why would I?! And what- why is he even doing this if he's so mad at me? Why can't he just... HOLD me- CUDDLE me, and tell ME all the old words I want to hear, too! And tell me that I'm enough?! He knows what I want! "That was just, the deal..." she said softly.
"No," he quietly choked. "That was the deal," he said adamantly. "But then you fell in love with me. I know that night ended badly, but Rapunzel. You fell in love with me. You fell in love with me. You did. I've thought I was crazy a zillion times, but I swear I saw it." The words, maybe were only pitying a dying man. But you were immediately ready to throw your eternal life away for my measly already-death-sentenced one. It HAD to be true, at least for that moment! ...right?
She sighed, as if she were disappointed. He does know. But I can't say what he wants. And it wouldn't matter anyway. What would it matter now...
"So please, Blondie..." he whispered through stuffed-up tears as he leaned his forehead against the back of her neck. "Can we start over?" If he was not so exhausted from fighting her, he may not have managed to ask such a dangerous question.
"I'm sorry," she gulped. "I did – but..." -but I can't say it.
His head snapped back. DID?! "...but?" He was barely audible.
"But," she choked again, and sniffled. We'd still be in the same place. If you don't wanna take the blame anymore, fine, because now I know how it ends anyway… "Please, I don't wanna talk about this anymore either. Please just let me go..."
"No," he squeezed her a little tighter, "I will, but tell me-" His voice cracked as he tried to compose himself for the worst thought of all that had been running around all these months but finally had formed into words. "Just TELL ME," he spoke surely and harshly now, though his voice warbled, "When you saved me- When you told me that I was YOURS, TOO-"
"Euge-" she gasped, nerves rattled again for where he was going.
"Were you just being nice 'cause I was about to die, and you weren't expecting me to come back from the dead, or was it ACTUALLY about ME?!"
A sob shook through her, as she noted how entwined he was in her limbs, but how tangled up she was in his life. His life, that she knew he deserved the best in. He's happy with her- he loves her- she's been able to give him everything… And I am only being selfish getting in the way... Her lips trembled, twitching at nothing, until she finally took the plunge herself and bit back, "Apparently I was mistaken…"
Oh God… His arms went weak, but he held his position. He took in a shuddering breath and nodded. "Alright." He dipped his mouth closer to her ear, nuzzling his chin in the crux of her shoulder, like he was saying goodbye. His brow creased and lips curled down into a frown. "You feel..." another deep breath as he picked his head back up, "You feel how my hands are behind your head?"
"Kind of. Why?"
"Put your hands on mine."
"What?"
"Just do it. I'm gonna show you how to get out of this on your own." He leaned his head back to watch her.
Rapunzel refocused her mind and set her face to determined. She reached her hands back and found his. After a small recoil at the touch, she rested them there.
"Find my thumbs, or- or a pinky will do, that's probably easier for this."
Both their hearts pounded, both denying the tingles they felt sparking anew as she felt around his fingers so gingerly with her own tips.
His thumbs brushed the sheered ends of hair at the base of her head; his pinkies sat farther atop the back of her head. She found them, and latched onto one with each hand. "Okay, good. Now, you're gonna pull them back, so that it'll hurt enough that I- or whoever, I mean, ya know- so they pull their hands apart. Got it? Just not too-"
Urgh, but… YOU! You think I didn't mean it? Didn't YOU mean it?! You didn't have to hurt me like you did either! She yanked them apart.
Eugene screeched. "YOWCH!" He could not let his arms limply follow her motion fast enough. Stunned, he pulled his arms together behind her, to rub at his opposite fingers and forearms, but glared at the back of her head right in front of his face. "Hey!" he whined, wounded deeper than ligaments. "Rapunzel, that really hurt!"
Sitting freely between his legs now, she realized right away the new opening she had. She ducked her head a bit, then threw it back, bashing him right on his nose.
"OOOPH!" He grunted as he fell back, covering his attacked bridge and septum.
She scampered off up to her bedroom, to dive back into the pitiful comfort of her blankets and pillows.
He rolled onto his side, away from the stairs. It was more than the physical pain that got him. Eyes welled up fully, only increasing the pressure on his face. Soon he could not help but let a sob out to relieve it. With a fist pounded on the stone floor, he screamed up to the rafters through his open crying, stuffy as it sounded. "WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU?!"
In her bed, face in her pillow, Rapunzel muttered her answer to herself. "You left… You didn't understand… and you left..."
A/N: PSA! For every Brenna basher I see, New Dream gains 1 partner. (=
Now excuse me while I duck & cover for other reasons.
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