pua - pick up artist

AITA for wanting my boyfriend to fix his teeth? My bf and I have been together for a relatively short time, but we did work on a couple of high intensity projects together and grew closer as a result.

At first, I wrote him off as obnoxious, crude, and vulgar - in all aspects of his life! The way he dresses - a cross between a 70s punk rock rowdy and 2000s pua - it's an absolute eyesore. Green hair, tatts, septum piercing, and the most colorblind clothing combinations imaginable - it screams, "Look at me and be ocularly assaulted!"

But as I got to know him better, I saw that past his barbed tongue I realized behind this rough exterior was a man who was honest and actually really cared about people. My Barto hates hypocrisy, is loyal, and doesn't brag about his own good deeds. He truly doesn't care if other people don't like him or if they underestimate him. He knows who he is and that's good enough for him.

And this is why I feel bad about even asking this question. Barto has been just the best. He gets my mood swings - which are, I admit, kind of severe. He's not afraid to argue with me - do you know how annoying it is for everyone to treat me like an empty-headed pretty boy all the time? I know I'm beautiful, but I got a brain too!

However, and it's a big however, Barto had his teeth filed into sharp points when he was younger. Some blah, blah, blah about perfect, straight white teeth being an aesthetic rooted in promoting class differences and socioeconomic superiority and how he wanted to upend that whole notion.

I mean, kudos to that but we cannot properly kiss! Do you know how many times he's cut my lips with those little orthodaggers? Forget about tongue, that is not happening!

And he cannot reciprocate certain favors, if you know what I mean. He's offered but I have a healthy dose of self preservation so no thank you.

So, AITA for wanting him to compromise his aesthetic or is he being insensitive for not meeting my normal relationship needs?

reciprocating_carrots • 04/18/2004

NTA. I would recommend, however, that you offer to help pay for the dental work. It sounds like "your Barto" (I hope you used a pseudonym) would appreciate you being straight up in how you feel about this issue. From what you said, it doesn't sound like he would hold it against you. Let him know how much you miss and need this kind of intimacy in your relationship.

It doesn't sound like you two have been dating long. Maybe he won't want to go through major dental work this early on, but maybe if you have a direct conversation with him, he's going to realize this could be a relationship killer for him overall. I mean, it's going to take a VERY specific person to be okay with nothing but pecks on the lips or sliced up lips.

But filing down his teeth will make them awfully short I would imagine? And then he'll probably need veneers. So much for his anti-perfect teeth aesthetic. I guess he could just keep the stubby teeth?

Well, that's my advice. Take it or leave it.

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