Lucy knows she isn't fine, no matter how many times she tells everyone that. She puts the concealer on to cover those numbers up, she pastes a smile on her face and she pretends.
She's become pretty good at pretending.
Which is why the last thing Lucy needs right now is Evan Buckley showing up and wanting to make amends.
'Chen, there is a fireman out the front desk who says he knows you,' Nyla says as Lucy stares at the form she's been trying to focus on for the last few minutes.
'What?' Lucy takes in Nyla's raised eyebrow and tries not to shrink back in her seat. She's been riding with the other woman the last few days and Lucy has to admit it's been nice having someone else understand what she's been through.
Tim's sitting across from her and Lucy can tell he's pretending not to listen.
'No,' Lucy replies, throwing her pen on the desk and stacking her papers off to the side. Her head is starting to throb and she just wants to go home and be alone, preferably with some ice cream and the Food Channel. 'Nope, not today.'
Before anyone can say anything, Lucy heads to the locker room because she just knows Buck won't take no for an answer this time. He's been trying to reach out to her for a while now but Lucy's been ignoring him out of self-preservation. She combs her hair with her fingers as she pushes out of the locker room, not surprised when she sees Tim hovering outside now in his jeans and Henley.
'Goodnight,' Lucy flashes him a tight smile and hopes he takes the hint. Every part of her wants to crawl back into his arms and that's another thing Lucy stuffs down, because he's with Rachel and…
He's with Rachel and Lucy needs to remember that.
Tim falls into step beside her anyway and Lucy knows there is no point in getting him not to. Tim's been there but trying to give her space since Caleb, since the barrel, and it's hard to ignore the guilt emanating off him. Lucy wants to take it away but she doesn't think she's in the right headspace to do that without severe repercussions.
Lucy beelines for the front door.
'You forgetting your car Chen? Or have you given up on it like the rest of us?' Tim asks.
She gives in to the urge to roll her eyes this time. And then rolls it again when she sees Buck lying against a black truck, still in his LAFD uniform.
Lucy feels Tim at her back and hikes her duffel bag up, squares her shoulders. She presses her thumb to the middle of her forehead and wishes Jackson was here instead of being somewhere else with Sterling.
You can do this Lucy. It's Buck. He's safe. He won't hurt you.
Tim watches Lucy and fists his hands in his pockets, resists the urge to touch her. It's an urge that keeps popping up with more frequency since the desert and Tim doesn't want to think about why right now.
'You good?' He asks instead, keeping his voice even as Lucy sucks in a breath and narrows her eyes as the man in the LAFD uniform makes his way cautiously towards them.
'I'm fine,' she responds and Tim wonders if she realizes how often she uses that phrase now after everything. 'It's fine Tim. I won't keep you. Unfortunately I know this guy.'
'C'mon Lu. You've been avoiding me. This was a last resort considering,' the other man Tim still doesn't know responds. He's about Tim's height, with blue eyes and a birthmark over his left eyebrow.
'Buck, not right now okay,' Lucy says and her voice trembles a bit. Buck seems to notice as well because he closes the distance between them and Tim watches as Buck cautiously reaches out to Lucy. Lucy eyes his hands with a small amount of trepidation but doesn't move out of the way.
'Is this okay?' Buck whispers and bends his knees so he can look Lucy in the eyes. Tim can see Lucy's eyes are a bit glassy and his fingernails press into his palms.
Lucy looks at Buck's hand, hovering awkwardly near her. She bites her lip and looks at Buck.
'Why are you here?' Lucy asks and tone shifts, becomes frustrated. 'God Buck-'
'Can you stop calling me that? It's weird. You never call me that.'
'Just tell me why you're here? How did you even know I work here? I never mentioned it to you,' Lucy asks instead.
'Maddy told me,' Buck shrugs.
Tim thinks Lucy whispers something suspiciously like traitor under her breath.
'So?' Lucy's getting more combative.
'I'm here for you,' Buck says simply. 'I'm always here for you Lu, you know that.'
'Not always,' Lucy replies and her voice is shaky but lacks the heat from before. Tim looks between them, wondering what he's missed. He doesn't remember hearing the name Buck before from Lucy and she spends a lot of time talking about her personal life in the shops despite the rules he has in place.
'Yeah okay, I deserve that. But…can we just…you know?' He waggles his eyebrows and Lucy's frown seems to tug upward.
'Fine. You can drive me home. Jackson's not there anyway so he can't be held accountable for whatever I do to you,' Lucy says resigned. 'And that came out a lot dirtier than I meant to so just…let's go.'
Tim clears his throat.
'Tim Bradford,' he introduces himself and makes sure to put some force into the handshake with Buck.
'Evan Buckley.'
'And you know Lucy-'
'We were friends,' Lucy interrupts Tim. Buck winces. 'Tim works with me.'
Tim resists the urge to flinch himself.
'I'll see you tomorrow Tim,' Lucy gives him a small wave after a weary sigh. Tim watches as Buck helps her into a Black Tacoma and ignores the way his chest clenches. He ignores why he doesn't take Rachel's call later that night and he ignores how he doesn't get any sleep thinking about Buck being at Lucy's apartment alone with her.