Suits Undressed | S01 E11 · Rules of The Game

by AimeeValle1 & tofuttiM

Summary: When Cameron Dennis shows up on the scene, Harvey is faced with demons from his past and a difficult choice. Unwilling to stand by and watch, Donna makes a move and rules are broken.

The scotch in Harvey's glass swirls with a soft glow from the forgotten flames burning in his fireplace. It's his second, or maybe third, since returning home from Cameron's. The liquor was meant to deafen the voices in his head, but it seems to be doing the opposite.

I'd tell him everything. I'd watch Cameron go down. I'd throw a party. I'd drink champagne. I'd go to bed and I'd sleep like a baby after I did it…You could have gone down a dark road. And I'm telling you, I would not have followed.

Sipping thoughtfully, Harvey sighs and looks out at the bright city lights. He'd asked for Donna's advice and he couldn't help but wonder if she had been spot on. As usual.

I'm gonna represent you at this disposition. I'm gonna try to keep you from talking. But I think you should.

Jessica's words echo loudly as his throat bobs with another burning swallow. She hadn't tried to force his hand, but she'd made her opinion known. Mentor or not, Dennis was not worth risking his career.

In your capacity as Assistant District Attorney in the county of New York, did you knowingly suppress evidence in violation of the A.V.A. rules of conduct, the N.D.A.A. standards, and the New York State Bar rule 8.4, section C?

Alexandra Leeds has him by the balls, and if she decides to squeeze, it's gonna hurt a lot more than he cares to admit.

Pushing himself up off the couch he decides against a refill before sliding open the glass door to his balcony and stepping outside. It was the news Alexandra delivered when Jessica basically dragged him out of the office like a poorly behaved toddler that really had him in a funk.

It wasn't just his cases he cheated on. Hector Avila. Take a look. Did you really think you were that great? You think your great track record was because of your skill?

Harvey's grip on the glass tightens along with his jaw while her words and condescending tone ring loudly in his ears. Dennis had fucked him all those years ago, and now his own misplaced loyalty and bullshit bro-code is going to get him fucked again.

The unexpected movement behind him has him whirling and raising a clenched fist.

"Jesus Christ, Jessica!" he exhales and runs the raised hand through his already tousled hair. "I nearly landed a right hook that would have taken several of your teeth." Setting the glass down on the small table he steps back inside. "What the actual fuck?"

"I knocked. You didn't answer." Her tone is bland and unamused. "I let myself in." She shrugs.

"Fuck." It's the only word he can muster as he waits for his pounding heart to slow to a reasonable rhythm.

"You don't have to testify," she says to his back. "They don't need you anymore."

Turning to meet her eyes, Harvey observes the smug look on her face. Instead of feeling relieved, suspicion creeps up his spine.

"Cameron made a deal?"

"He made a deal." Jessica picks up a glass and pours a drink of her own. "To sell you out." Leaning back on the counter she sips thoughtfully before continuing. "But I made my own deal. He'll be stepping down. Spending some quality time with his family."

"How exactly did you manage that?" The moment the words leave his lips he braces for an answer he knows he won't like.

"Not your concern."

"Bullshit, it's not my concern."

He knows the answer. Whether she admits to it or not, there's only one person who could possibly have the kind of leverage Jessica would have needed to pull this off.

He may have asked for Donna's advice, but he sure as shit didn't invite her to meddle in his personal business.

"Relax, Harvey," Jessica uses the tone she reserves for his tantrums. "What's done is done."

"Goddamnit." Harvey feels his temper burning a hole behind his eyes. "You went to Donna with this? I told you to leave it alone! I had it under control!"

"First of all, don't you raise your voice with me." There's that tone again. "And second, you don't have shit under control. Donna came to me. She came to me because she cares about you, and she's not going to stand by and watch you piss away everything you've worked for!"

"You know what?" Harvey slams his glass down and nearly shatters it. "When I want the two of you colluding behind my back and making my decisions for me, you'll be the first to know!"

Grabbing his jacket from the chair, Harvey storms past Jessica toward the door.

"Where are you going?"

"Not your concern." He throws her words back at her and slams the door behind him.

.

Harvey raps his knuckles on the door hard enough to break the skin. An hour ago he was ready to admit that Donna had been right about Cameron, but to go behind his back and work with Jessica? Like the two of them had to handle him? Fuck that. He bangs louder. This whole situation makes him feel like he isn't in control. And he needs to be in control.

When the door swings open Donna's eyes are wide and full of annoyance.

"Are you trying to wake up the entire floor?"

"What did you give Jessica?" He ignores the rhetorical question and pushes his way past her and into the apartment.

"What does it—"

"Don't answer my question with a question, Donna!" His voice booms and he thinks absently that the whole floor is certainly up now.

"Proof. I gave her proof!" Donna's chin is firm and held high. "I could see you weren't going to turn him in, and I wasn't going to stand by and watch while he dragged you under!"

"It was my business, Donna. My decision!" They are basically nose to nose now and neither seems to be backing down. "Just because I asked for your advice, it doesn't give you the right to meddle where you don't belong." He knows his words are harsh. Unfair, even. But he can't seem to stop them from rolling off his tongue. "You need to know your place, Donna." There is venom in his tone and it stings them both.

If he thought his words were sharp, the steely glare she's giving him now, cuts straight to the bone. But the anger shifts and her eyes fill with tears. It nearly brings him to his knees.

"Oh I know my place, Harvey." Her eyes bore into his and the tears threaten but don't fall. "I'm to stand by and be at your beck and call. Speak when spoken to. Blindly follow your lead." Leaning in even closer her tone changes to something dark and dangerous. "Don't get too…close."

A warmth spreads through his entire body as his fingers twitch and blood flows south. Gulping down the lump in his throat his reply comes out as a hoarse whisper. "That's not what I meant."

"I think it's exactly what you meant." Donna breaks the undeniable pull between them by turning away from him and walking to the living room.

Flustered, and regaining his breath, Harvey follows after her.

"This is about Cameron Dennis. This is about you meddling where you—"

"Bullshit, Harvey! This is about us! This is about you opening a door and asking me in, just to panic and push me back out again!"

Scoffing, Harvey mutters, "I don't. What do you…I'm not…"

"Do you have any idea how much that night together meant to me? What it stirred inside of me?"

Harvey feels the blood drain from his face. He reaches behind him for something to lean on. How did this conversation go from Cameron to…this?

"I don't know how that has anything to do with—"

"It has everything to do with it, Harvey!" She cuts him off a second time. "We were done. I was done. I walked away back then because I couldn't stand by and watch this man I'd come to care about and respect throw his life away for that scumbag in a cheap suit."

Harvey leans heavily against the couch. His eyes cast to the floor because he can't see to look at her.

"But then you knocked on my door." Her voice softens just a tad. "You walked away from him. You… you came to me."

Her words bring a rush of memories, and his vision blurs along with his thoughts.

"Donna." It's all he can manage but he does look up and meet her eyes.

"That night," she continues, "in my apartment, you let me in. We let each other in." She looks away from him and her eyes fill again. "There were no walls between us, no line we had to toe, there was just you and me." A tear falls and she swipes it away quickly. "I thought it meant something."

Harvey can hardly breathe, much less speak. It's been years since he's let memories of that incredible night breach his thoughts. He'd worked tirelessly at burying them deep, deep down.

"You're the one who made the rule, Donna." He pushes off the couch and straightens his spine. His voice is low. His tone, bitter. He hadn't known he'd say those words until they echoed in the stale air between them, but he's glad he did. He's wanted to remind her of that fact on more than one occasion.

In a flash, the sadness in her eyes turns hot. She takes two long strides toward him and stops just short. "I made that rule to protect myself, you idiot! You broke my fucking heart, Harvey." The crack in her voice betrays her.

Air. There's no air. He can't move. Breathe. Think. The pain in his chest is compounded by his straining lungs.

"Just go." Donna shakes her head in exasperation. "Please, just go."

She turns to walk away and his hand darts out to grab her wrist. The room is spinning and only she can brace him.

"It did mean something." It's a whisper. The bitterness is gone. "That night."

When Donna turns his breath hitches in his throat. The lump that forms makes it nearly impossible to speak but he swallows it down.

"It meant…everything." The corner of his jaw dimples as he bites back all the emotions he's buried for years. "Then at breakfast, you…" He's never even admitted to himself what he's confessing now to Donna. "Your rule. You didn't want me. Not in the way I wanted you." He breaks eye contact briefly before saying what he truly believed. "I…wasn't worthy."

Donna bites her bottom lip as another tear slips out and down her cheek. Turning to face him head on, she takes a shaky breath.

"Not worthy? Oh, Harvey." Reaching for his face she runs her thumb across his hardened jaw. "When you called. Asked me to breakfast. I thought…" Her lips pull into a tight line as she blinks back the threat of more tears. "I thought you wanted me. In your life. In your bed. Not your office."

Harvey nods in understanding. The pieces of this complex puzzle, slowly falling into place. "I wanted both. I wanted it all." His shrug and weak smile show a vulnerability he rarely exposes.

Donna shakes her head. A soft sigh escapes her lips as she drops her hands and looks away. "I gave you a choice, Harvey. You chose work and shattered my heart into a million pieces."

"No." His answer is curt and it brings her eyes back to his. He takes both of her hands before elaborating. "I chose you. You in my life. Every day. I couldn't bear the thought of losing you. Of messing things up as I inevitably would have. I wanted you, Donna. But I was terrified. I chose the path that kept you in my life."

Something passes over Donna's eyes that he can quite identify. Understanding? Regret?

"You should go, Harvey." Once again she turns to walk away.

"No."

Donna freezes but doesn't look back. The silence between them hangs heavy. Harvey knows his next move could change everything between them, and he considers his words carefully before finally ending the silence.

"I should stay."

Now she turns. Slowly. Tentatively. Her face is flush and her breathing is short and shallow. When her eyes find his they are full of questions. Anticipation.

"Why?" Her head tilts just slightly to the right.

"You know why."

Harvey's strides are long and purposeful. Before Donna can respond, his lips are on hers. His strong hands reach around her slender frame and grip her ass tightly before pulling her into his stiffening groin. The moan that grumbles from his throat is primal and it feels more honest and true than any words he could muster.

His tongue slides between her lips and she whimpers into his open mouth. The sound of it nearly drives him mad as his hand moves to the back of her neck and he plunges his tongue deeper. Backing her against the wall, his control snaps. How had he waited so long? How had he resisted what was so clearly meant to be his?

Donna's head falls back as she feels nearly weightless in his arms. Exposing the soft skin of her neck is an invitation he can't refuse and he drags his tongue from collarbone to earlobe before sampling her with nibbles and bites.

The need coursing through his veins is like a toxin released from a dangerous drug. In seconds it has completely consumed him, every thought, every breath, every one of his senses screams Donna, Donna, Donna.

He can feel her body responding to him. The way she leans into the pressure of his touch. The way her skin heats under his fingertips as she opens herself more and more. Pleading for him to take every part of her.

Neither dares to speak as words would be a waste of breath and energy. Their bodies move in perfect unison, speaking a language of desire and lust finally freed after being caged for far too long.

Harvey's hands are everywhere now. Her breasts. Her hips. Her ass. But it's not enough. Not even close. He wants to look at her, to study her body as he tears off the damn nightgown serving as a barrier between them. But that would mean removing his tongue from her mouth which he can't quite bring himself to do.

Instead his eager hands slip under the silky garment and slide it upward exposing her naked skin to his touch. No panties. God help him. Spreading his fingers wide so his palm lays flat on her ass, he runs it in slow, small circles, caressing her as he takes in the perfect shape he's often admired from behind.

Dizzy with the sense of drowning in her, he pulls back, just enough to rest his forehead on hers while the both gasp for much needed air. He should say something. Anything.

"Harvey…" Donna gasps.

It's one word. One she's said a million times over the years. But not like this. Never like this.

Their eyes connect and every fear, every insecurity, every doubt he ever had about what they were meant to be, vanishes.

Harvey slides his arms around her thighs and lifts her. Wrapping her legs tightly around him, Donna keeps her eyes locked on his as he begins pulsing his hips forward and grinding into her.

He'd intended to carry her to the bedroom. To undress her slowly and take in every inch of her naked body with painstaking precision. But his painful erection pressed against her wet core and the sultry look of her hooded eyes warns him that neither of them can withstand the hundred foot journey.

With nimble fingers he releases his throbbing cock from his slacks and places his tip just at her entrance. Holding her there, pinned against the wall, he glides himself upward, through her folds and across her clit. She's so wet and swollen his eyes roll back from the want and desire threatening to tear him in two.

"Harvey," she moans for a second time. And he breaks.

The thrust is aggressive, possessive, and utterly perfect. Donna cries out in ecstasy flooding Harvey with memories of the past and the thousands of times he's fantasized about this very moment.

Had he forgotten how she fit him like a glove? Had he actually blocked out the euphoria of her core wrapped around him as he slid in and out of her.

His mind goes blank as he pumps into her. Each thrust deeper than the last. Donna moans his name repeatedly, begging for more as she pulls the nightgown over her head and frees her supple breasts for the taking.

It's too much. And not enough. He fills his mouth with her as he continues gliding in and out. In and out. He's close now. Too close. He doesn't want it to end. Replacing his mouth with a possessive hand, he lifts his eyes to hers.

His breath is ragged now. Short, labored gasps.

"Donna." It's the only word he's spoken since giving in to this need. Since letting go. It's the only one he needs. Her eyes bore into him and he can see it so clearly now. The need. The want. The love.

With one final thrust, eyes locked on one another, they both shatter.

.

They lie wrapped in the sheets with only the light of the moon peeking through the drapes.

There is so much to say. Apologies. Explanations. Questions and long awaited answers. But not tonight. Not now. This moment is perfect and the silence wraps around them like a blanket.