Legend & Legacy: Book One - Black Star Dragon Ball Saga

by LauraNeatO

Trunks, Pan and Goku all have roles to play among Kai schemes to save the universe, all enabled by a catalytic forced marriage for a Black Star Dragon Ball. In this psychological thriller and love story, what happens when an A.I. learns how to hack the nervous system of the strongest warriors alive? Is love truly stronger than death? And if so, what is the power of a soul? REWRITE.

17. Opening Move

CHAPTER 17:
Opening Move

They both fell at once. The last light of hope winked out after the enemy recognized their weakness. And now they were all in darkness. Everyone was gone.

I was alone. Alone, nowhere, searching. I was running.

I traveled to the source of a new hope. I worked with the people and I traded for deals in pursuit of that hope.

But history has a way of repeating. The enemy had tendrils all around. It spread quickly, and became a race. It was almost hopeless.

I gathered everything I needed. I had time for only one. I made it, and I gained time. The travel was long enough to take a piece of that hope with me. Goku could never finish the rest.

This time, I came as hope. This time, I came to intercept.

I had to kill in order to save. I cannot regret this evil, or it would do no good.

Not one survivor. Only through death would everyone live.

There were screams and tight spaces. There was nowhere for them to run.

I had to do it. All of them. Every man, mother and child. They were all the threat - all the enemy.

I'm sorry. There was no choice. I needed to guarantee its death.

I had to save the world. I had to save this timeline.

I bested his power, but all it took was a scratch - a paper cut, really, and I knew I only had moments left. I fought it off, but I'm now one of them.

I ordered Giru to trap me in the ship and succumb to the flame before I changed my mind.

I had no time left. I had to end it all to save it all. And the enemy also had no escape. The gravity would do the rest.

I can't have any regrets. Let everything burn for the sake of hope.

I tried… to die a hero.

I think… you'd have been… proud… of me…

… Pan…

-._._._-._._._-._._._-._._._-._._._-._._._-

As if lightning struck within her, Pan jolted awake, in a cold sweat.

"Hahh, hahh, hahh," Pan panted heavily.

She was soaked through her orange nightclothes from just her perspiration. Her hair was wet. Her heart was racing. She felt a deep and ominous fear burn its course through her body as she shook from the anxiety and lingering fear that stemmed from her nightmare.

It was like she was watching it all - like a film with subtitles. It was all in front of her - all so vivid. She saw all their faces, and felt all the pain. She watched all of them vanish, one by one, dissipating into waves of light as they each blinked out of existence.

She watched every friend and loved one dissipate away, one by one, like ashes in the wind. Somehow, it felt like their fate was worse than death. Their voices wailed in pain among the fragments. The winds raged and sundered everything, and everyone around her. Her Grandpa Goku reached for her before he vanished away. And then Trunks desperately reached for her, too, before he dissipated as dust.

And then Pan was all alone in the darkness. Her left hand burned, and as her eyes stung in grief.

And then, she opened her eyes, and she was back in her hammock. She stared up at the blank ceiling, which was dimly lit by two blue nightlights on either side of the bunk bed, which cast faint polygonal overlays of both light and shadows.

And then, like most dreams, the images faded. She remembered bits and pieces, but none of it made sense anymore. And all of it left her with an awful, sick feeling in her belly. The dream left her shaken, and unable to close her eyes. Alone in her hammock, she felt alone and vulnerable. Her thumping heart was also racing too fast for her to fall back asleep. Every part of her body felt an ominous foreboding that she could not explain.

With her eyes on the ceiling, she reached out her senses. She was consoled with the presence of both Trunks and her Grandpa Goku, both less than two yards from her. Being so close to them soothed her nerves. They both made her feel safe.

Thinking back to her dream, Pan reminded herself that everyone was okay. Nobody was vanishing into the wind. She was just being paranoid… like Trunks.

Her thoughts wandered to Trunks, an enigmatic puzzle of man whose layers seemed more intricate the closer she got to knowing him.

She smiled a little as she felt a mixture of feelings.

Pan had known Trunks all of her life, and she had thought she had personally gotten to know him fairly well. After all, she had seen him almost every single Friday afternoon for the past seven years when she came to train in the gravity room. She knew all about him from her family's stories, and all the magazines her mom would leave as reading materials in Pan's bathroom.

She had been fairly sure she understood him, and his different personas… but lately, she began to wonder if maybe Trunks was right, when they had spoken in that Kikarroo temple.

Maybe Trunks truly was misunderstood.

All of his actions and reactions in the last few days spoke to a deep undercurrent beneath his surface - a whole side of him that Pan did not know.

And she wasn't sure why, but her intuition told her that there was a story there.

Pan heard Trunks shift in his bed, turned her head to watch his silhouette move in the dim light.

After she watched Trunks settle onto his back, Pan's eyes drifted beyond the dark outlines of Trunks and her Grandpa Goku, to view out the window. Beyond the glass, a sea of moving stars drifted by in the vastness of space. She could see swirling colors of nebulae that spiraled into a white ring of a distant black hole.

They had been in space since the middle of the night on Kikarroo, and now that there was no longer a horizon line, Pan felt her whole biorhythm was off, and she wasn't sure how much she had actually slept.

Unlike Trunks, who had a fancy watch alarm to remind him of the time, Pan's way of gauging time was generally relative, based on all of their routines, and when her Grandpa Goku would wake up to start his regular morning training. He almost always woke up first, and since Pan was a light sleeper, she tended to get up shortly after Goku did, and Trunks was usually the one to sleep in, since he was more of a night owl who liked working in silence while doing regular maintenance on Giru.

Since Goku hadn't woken up to train yet, Pan tried to catch a little more rest, but when she closed her eyes, vivid flashbacks of her frightening dream kept lingering just beyond her vision.

She heard Trunks shift again, and opened her eyes to see he shifted back onto his side, facing her. He rustled a bit under his blanket, seeming to be uncomfortable.

Trunks was usually a heavy side sleeper, and he hardly moved once he got comfortable. All this tossing and turning from him made Pan wonder if maybe he was also having a hard time sleeping.

Feeling a little brave, Pan broke the silence as she whispered in the dark, "Hey Trunks… you awake?"

The shifting stopped, and Trunks let out a long sigh.

In the darkness, Trunks softly breathed an affirmative, "Mmm."

There was a pause as Pan wasn't sure if she should say anything more. She knew the right thing to do would be to just try to sleep, but she kept remembering Trunks' face in her dream vanishing like particles, and scattering into a void. The thought made her ache.

"I had a bad dream," Pan admitted, speaking slightly above a whisper.

There was a pause in the darkness of the room, and Trunks exhaled, "Me too."

Then, there was silence again.

The quietude of the bedroom should have felt normal; they were used to this sleep setup after a long time on their trip. But for some reason, the silence at that moment was deafening. Pan felt uncomfortable, and isolated, and she felt she needed some kind of solace.

She knew she should just let Trunks sleep, but something about the dream continued to weigh on her. It just felt so real, like it was bound to happen, like some kind of prophetic vision. And a strange sense of danger and a looming premonition of doom kept pulling at her heartstrings.

"I can't sleep," Pan said honestly, looking toward the ceiling. She wasn't sure how Trunks would be able to help her, but it felt nice to know she wasn't alone.

Trunks inhaled a long, sleepy breath, and then exhaled in a groggy voice, "Just keep trying. We have a new planet tomorrow."

Feeling slightly disappointed, but unsure why she felt that way, Pan tried to take his advice. She closed her eyes and breathed, and tried to remember good thoughts of her family back home. No matter what she did, though, her body still felt tense. And then she heard Trunks shift again in his bed, and the memory of his face dissipating in the void haunted her vision again.

Pan prided herself in being a warrior, but she was weak against battling mental images. When it came to physical battles, Pan could manage and mask her insecurities by putting up a courageous front. But this was different; this was just her, lying in her hammock and getting in her head. She couldn't put up any feints of bravado.

In the darkness, as she lay vulnerable near sleep, the truth was that all she wanted was comfort. She just… wanted to feel loved. But she also knew that if she asked for it, she'd come across as weak and defenseless. She didn't like this feeling.

Pan began to consider sliding into the bed next to her Grandpa Goku… but then she immediately halted that thought, remembering the two times she did that before.

On the first night of their trip, both Trunks and Pan quickly learned that Goku fought in his sleep. His reactions were consistently triggered by touch.

The first time she slept beside Goku, Pan accidentally brushed his arm and Goku elbowed her in the face, almost breaking her nose.

The second time, Pan had fallen asleep on the bottom bunk by accident, and Goku had flopped down next to her. After Pan accidentally brushed his leg, Goku kicked her so hard in his sleep that he fractured her leg, and she needed a half-senzu bean to recover.

Despite how close Pan and her Grandpa Goku were, he wasn't always the best solution to console her. And due to Trunks' bad attitude on the trip, he had never been an option to soothe her.

But… thinking back to their evening, Pan wasn't sure what to make of Trunks' actions lately.

Pan had been fairly convinced that Trunks was disingenuously going to make light of their wedding and disregard it once they got the Dragon Ball. But… things turned out differently.

Just from helping her with her pad situation, and how he had been so emotional at the idea of her leaving… she could see that Trunks was truly trying to be better for her. He had opened up a bit to her…

It was enough of an effort on his part that she considered that… maybe… she could put in a little more effort to get closer to him.

Pan heard Trunks shift again in his bed. He was again facing her as he lightly breathed. All of his tossing and turning made Pan figure that he was still having a hard time sleeping.

In the darkness, she whispered a little hopefully, "You still awake?"

Trunks shifted his blanket and groaned with mild irritation, "Go to sleep."

Pan shifted uncomfortably, acknowledging his agitated tone, but she felt a little emboldened by the memory of how Trunks was trying to improve for her.

She remembered the night before, when she had slept for a few hours next to Trunks' back, and reminisced about how she had felt comforted beside him. He had slept fairly well next to her too; he hadn't tossed or turned, so maybe it wasn't such a bad thing.

And for a moment, she considered that if Trunks was still awake like this, then maybe Trunks might secretly appreciate some comfort, too.

A part of her felt daring, yet a little hopeful as Pan asked, "Can I sleep next to you?"

Trunks' reaction was instantaneous, "Wh-? No!"

The reaction was so loud and harsh, the word seemed to resonate in the darkness.

Goku stirred in his sleep, but almost immediately fell back into a low snoring rhythm.

Trunks' rejection stung her heart, and Pan felt an immediate pang in her gut. She briefly felt a maelstrom of feelings as she questioned everything she felt about him, wondering if maybe she had been wrong. Now that they were off of Kikarroo, and the wedding was behind him, Trunks was just going to be as bullheaded as ever.

Pan's spirit dropped. The charcoals of courage that she felt warm within her began to smolder with her disappointment. She sighed, and turned in her hammock to face away from Trunks, as if somehow that could shield her as she tried to fall back asleep on her own.

She listened as Trunks' mattress creaked, and his blanket shifted as if he sat up in bed. Pan heard Trunks stammer lightly in the darkness, "I-uh, you, uh, I-uh, mean, uh..."

He was speaking nonsense, in some kind of pursuit for an excuse for his words.

"Uh- uh… gods… uh…" Trunks had trailed off in his blabber awkwardly as he covered his face with his hands.

Pan turned her head to glance at him, but she wasn't interested in whatever he had to say. His actions spoke far louder than whatever his excuse would be. Trunks' fumbled attempts at explanation did little to soothe the ache of his rejection. And from how he covered his face, he didn't even want to look at her.

Pan sighed and shifted to properly turn away from him on the hammock, though she was limited in her movement within the hammock's curve.

Out of courtesy and mindfulness of acknowledging his presence, she flatly said, "It's okay."

It wasn't okay though.

The truth was that she didn't really want to be in the room anymore. There was no chance she'd be going back to sleep, especially now that she'd be thinking about how Trunks was going to keep hurting her feelings, even now.

Trunks spoke again, with a slightly guilty tone, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way."

Pan didn't believe him.

Unable to find a comfortable position, Pan sat up in the hammock, and nonchalantly lied, "No worries."

Tucking her feet under her as she continued to sit up, Pan wasn't sure why she was feeling this level of angst. It was a pipedream to expect Trunks to be better. People didn't just change overnight.

"I meant that the mattress is too small," Trunks continued, with a voice that was louder than a whisper.

It was just an excuse. Pan didn't understand why he kept talking.

No matter what Trunks said, she wouldn't believe it. He could have told her that he was trying to process a nightmare about his own death, and she still wouldn't believe him.

Pan shifted her seated position to face the side of the hammock, toward the bunk bed, to prepare to get out. She just wanted to leave the room.

"Do you want to trade?" Trunks interjected, sounding strangely complacent, "You can take the mattress."

Trunks never offered up his bed before. But even with that odd offer, Pan didn't want to trade. That wasn't why she asked to join him. The whole reason she wanted to be there was to be next to him. But now, Pan didn't even want that anymore.

Pan wanted a connection. She wanted to understand him. She wanted to trust him.

What she wanted was a guy with integrity.

Yet despite all of his riches and smarts and big personality, integrity was the one thing that Bullhead Trunks lacked.

Unlike Trunks' solid and honorable "X-1" superhero persona from his old high school days, this version of Bullhead Trunks was just full of hot air.

He promised to be better, but the answer was not to offer to trade his bed with hers after she asked to sleep next to him. All he was doing was offering a clumsy compromise to soften his rejection of her.

He was clueless about how his words hurt her, and Pan was at the end of her rope.

Pan didn't want his bed. She just wanted to leave the room.

"That's okay," Pan turned down his offer as she swung her legs over the hammock.

"Wait."

Pan steeled herself, and wondered why. She didn't really want to hear his words. She had told herself she wasn't going to listen to him… but his quiet, yet firm tone was spoken with immense intensity.

"Maybe…" his words were slow and considerate, "… I can join you …" his voice cracked a little unsteadily, "… in the hammock?"

Pan was jarred and floored. She had never expected him to suggest coming to her.

Trunks had never been a fan of sleeping in the hammock. From the first night, Trunks always had a complex about "calling dibs" the top bunk, which she and her Grandpa Goku never challenged. He never left that bunk, ever.

But him coming to her hammock to join her… it strangely felt a little bit like a plot twist. She never considered it.

Pan thought about Trunks' suggestion, and then looked down at her hammock. It was really more of a one-person hammock, but she was fairly small for her age. She could make it work… if he was serious about joining her.

Pan wondered what she truly wanted to do. Just moments ago, she had wanted to leave the room, but then Trunks threw a curveball when he suggested joining her in the hammock…

It… it…

The thought flared up in her mind... It was a rare opportunity.

Pan thought that maybe Trunks might open up a bit.

She swallowed, thinking back to the nightmare that had woken her. She kept seeing Trunks' face vanish into a dark void, and the memory of losing him made her feel insecure and lonely.

Despite her complicated history with Trunks, Pan didn't want to lose him.

She didn't know what her dream meant, but it felt like a bad omen, and she kept fearing that Trunks might suddenly be gone soon. Her thoughts also went back to when King Kai said she "might save his life."

She didn't want her nightmare to come true. She didn't want to lose Trunks to the void.

As she considered all of the time that she risked losing with him, she realized she wanted to make the most of her time with him.

After her careful consideration, Pan decided that she did want to lie in the hammock with him. She also felt like her decision was a testament to her resilience. She would be better for Trunks, too.

Trunks' unexpected suggestion to join her in the hammock felt a bit like a turning point - a gesture of vulnerability that hinted at the possibility of bridging the gap between them.

She decided to give him a second chance, to make up for his rejection of her on his bed.

"Sure," Pan decided, and she shifted over a bit on the hammock to give Trunks room to come sit.

–––––––

Trunks grew up with both of his parents having separate residential wings of Capsule Corporation. He always thought it was normal for a married couple to have different bedrooms, so therefore different beds.

He never developed any kind of thought about it. But now that he was considering it, Trunks knew it was popular for married couples to share a bed, too. His thoughts drifted to how his Grandma Panchy shared a bed with his Grandpa Brief for their whole marriage.

Trunks never thought much about what he had wanted to do once he got married. He never really had to. He never invited any of his "girlfriends," if he could even consider them that, to stay overnight.

In his entire life, he never actually shared a bed while he slept, except once almost a decade ago when he was drunk in college, and he didn't count that, especially since that was from before…

From before…

He didn't finish the thought. His emotions became too tangled with a memory that he shut back into a box and shoved into the darkest corner of mind, where it belonged.

Suddenly, though… the memory of the aftereffects started to seep through. Tendrils of paranoia prodded outward from the box of his rejected memory.

He didn't like how the thought of lying next to Pan triggered old emotions that he had cast aside for years.

He began to regret his offer. The hammock began to feel like a very bad idea. He hadn't thought it out. He wasn't sure if he was really ready for that.

He had thought the hammock could be a middle ground, since he wasn't comfortable sharing a mattress. But it wasn't the medium through which he slept that felt triggering. It was… touch…

He didn't know how to lie still for hours with all of the painful shocks to his nerves against his side. Or worse… he might feel them…

He started to feel tingles along his arms, like a thousand pins and needles. It felt dangerously close to the strokes against his skin that haunted him for years.

Leaning forward while still sitting up in bed, Trunks crossed his arms and scratched himself on both sides to soothe his nerves.

He didn't like this. He didn't want to risk fucking everything up. He didn't know how to fit these worries within his ramen bowl. They were deep-rooted and complex, and triggered by many layers, and years of living with… with…

… with everything he tried to forget.

There was no way he'd be able to sleep like this, whether in his own bed, or in the hammock.

He was starting to regret his words as he contemplated his next action.

Trunks didn't want to get out of his bed. He didn't want to go to her hammock. He was afraid she'd notice his aversion… his issues… his fear…

He wasn't ready to explain it to her, yet. Certainly not now.

But…

Breathing to steady his nerves, Trunks kept reminding himself that Pan was safe.

She wouldn't hurt him.

Maybe…

Feeling a little more collected, but still on his guard, Trunks reluctantly shifted to make the bed underneath himself, and then allowed himself to get out of the bed, and slowly fall to the floor, using his ki to help quiet his soft landing.

He saw Pan's silhouette shift in the hammock. Pan shoved the blanket down to make room, and then moved to twist the fabric open, revealing a spot to her left side, in an invitation for him to join her.

He hesitated a moment, and then felt guilty for his behavior.

Trunks knew he needed to push past his insecurities. He could always get out of the hammock. But if he didn't get in, at this point, Pan might take it personally, and it could easily become another miscommunication between them.

She had no idea how hard this was for him. She didn't understand what he was going through. She didn't know about his fears, and all of the triggers that led to them.

She was innocent, and pure-hearted, and Trunks never wanted her to know about his triggers. He was afraid the truth of his past might damage her, for the same reason he always feared hurting Goten.

Lying next to her on a hammock was not the same as on a mattress. There was more forced connection here. There was more closeness. There was more… touch…

This went against all of his grain, and the way this heart was racing made him feel faint. He was woefully unprepared for this moment, and he felt weak, and vulnerable.

But he would do this for her. He had to at least try.

Trunks purposely shoved aside his thoughts as he sat down on the hammock, and shifted into it. The rope creaked under his weight as he adjusted to sit.

-KRRRRK-

The hammock buckled a bit under his weight, which made Pan utter a surprised yelp as she stopped herself from fully rolling into him. The hammock straightened when Trunks swung his legs onto the fabric, and then everything seemed to settle.

As he sat there, feeling the buzz of her body solidly beside him, he felt her heat, and reminded himself again that she was safe. And she wouldn't hurt him.

"Want to share my pillow?" Pan asked innocently, pushing her pillow so that half of it was available for Trunks to lean his head on.

Trunks exhaled, gathering himself. It wasn't so bad when he was sitting up. He wasn't triggered by touch on his legs, which is the only reason why he felt comfortable wearing his go-to khaki shorts. But… if he lay down… then he'd be fully next to her…

He wasn't sure about this.

As Trunks lay down beside her, he began to overthink all of his actions. He remembered what it was like every time, and the overwhelming proximity triggered a cascade of emotions and memories, each igniting the tinderbox of his past.

Trunks's struggle to remain composed, to mask the sparks of his nerves as his panic started to rise and his anxiety began to flare. He tried to control his breathing to battle the riptide that threatened to pull him back from his thinly-veiled surface of composure.

Trying to appear cooperative, Trunks reluctantly lay his head on the edge of Pan's pillow. Trunks could smell the scent of her conditioner, and it was warm from her contact. Being here, sharing her space, and feeling her beside his body made everything seem even more real, and even more intimate.

He felt the thick fabric of the hammock cradle his left side as Pan lay against his entire right side, and the curvature of the hammock pushed her to adjust to lie slightly against his chest.

All of Trunks' attention was on how Pan's body was against his, and all of the contact felt like it was on fire. All of his nerves were jumping, and pointing, and shouting to him that she was touching him…

She was on him…

He was lying completely against her side…

His skin buzzed under his pajamas where she made contact against him. Trunks' heart began to race in his chest, pounding so hard that he wondered why it wasn't rocking the hammock. Pan surely must have felt it, too. It was like a taiko drum beating in the room.

Ba-Bump Ba-Bump Ba-Bump…

Trunks realized that, while lying beside her, especially in the hammock, he couldn't hide his physical reactions to his emotions. She'd be able to sense his tension, and feel his chest constrict with every breath.

Ba-Bump Ba-Bump Ba-Bump Ba-Bump Ba-Bump…

He was faint again. He couldn't control his breathing. His body was erupting. He was so nervous, he felt like he was cracking under his own pressure. He couldn't speak. His ears rang. Everything felt like it was turning white.

"Trunks…?" Pan questioned.

He held his breath, and let it out in ragged bursts as he tried to slow it. The ramen bowl in his mind cracked under the immense and overwhelming pressure in his head.

The alarms sounded in his head. His breathing quickened its pace until his head got light from hyperventilation.

"Trunks?" Pan asked again, and all it did was make it all worse.

He lay wide-eyed and panicked. He regretted this. He shouldn't have done this.

Ba-Bump Ba-Bump Ba-Bump Ba-Bump Ba-Bump…

Nobody slept next to him like this. Not like this. Nobody.

Nobo..

No..

No.

No no no no no no no no.

With a fast-racing heart, Trunks changed his mind.

Nope, he couldn't do this.

He had to leave.

He had to go.

Overwhelmed by the primal urge of what could only be "fight or flight," Trunks' heart raced uncontrollably. The need to flee surged through him as his hands buzzed with the adrenaline-fueled decision to either confront his panic or escape it.

"Pan, um…" Trunks faltered, feeling the weight of his embarrassment as heavy as the decision he faced.

He should never have come to her. She'd never understand why he was panicking like this. He didn't know how to even start explaining it to her.

Caught in this internal struggle, Trunks couldn't find the words to either justify his presence or articulate his need to withdraw. All he knew was that this moment was unsustainable, and Trunks was in hot water.

Attempting to navigate the situation without causing more hurt, Trunks asked tentatively, "... Are you sure you don't just want to take my mattress?"

And then he awaited her answer. It was a good question, right? He was being good, right?

His heart continued its relentless beat, betraying his intense conflict within.

Ba-Bump Ba-Bump Ba-Bump Ba-Bump Ba-Bump…

He felt so ashamed.

The silence in the room lingered and Pan was taking too long to reply.

Trunks lay frustrated, battling his rising panic. He didn't want to get out of the hammock without her acknowledging it, too. So he stayed… but… but…

This anxiety wasn't going to just go away…

When Pan finally broke the silence, her voice sounded distant, and her words were unexpectedly calm.

"Hey Trunks…" Pan mused a little, to the silence, "Do you remember Comet Crash?"

Comet Crash…?

Trunks was confused, "What?"

Pan spoke up to the ceiling, "You know, the game we used to play."

Trunks had no idea what she was talking about, and was momentarily distracted from his anxiety as he tried to understand what Pan was talking about. "What's Comet Crash?"

Pan seemed disappointed, "You don't remember?"

Comet Crash?

Trunks racked his memory. It sounded familiar, but he couldn't remember where he had heard it before.

As he considered the thought, Trunks' mind wandered away from her side, and into the recesses of his thoughts. He didn't notice as his body relaxed as he frowned, staring at the shadows on the ceiling as he tried to recall anything to do with comets with her…

He realized he had seen Pan many times growing up, so it was hard to recall exactly which game she was talking about.

"We played it at my sixth birthday," Pan reminisced, "The 'interceptors,' had to run from the end of the courtyard to the catering table without getting crashed into by any 'comets,' and then you tackled Uncle Goten into the whole pizza section."

"Com'et me Bro!" Goten cackled as he quickly dodged to the right to outmaneuver Trunks, but the wet grass made him slip, leading both him and Trunks to crash spectacularly into the pizza and pasta section of the catering table. Pizzas and pasta sauces erupted and rained down as they comically cracked the entire table in half on their way down.

Trunks burst out into laughter at the memory. "AAAHAHAHA!"

He didn't mean to laugh that loud. The memory came from nowhere, but it was sudden and striking, and hilarious.

Goku shifted in bed, and sniffed a bit with a yawn.

"You remember that," Trunks chuckled and beamed at the memory, watching the ceiling.

Goku sat up, and said with a groggy voice, "Member what?"

"Oh, Goku," Trunks again was distracted by the thought of accidentally waking him, and looked over to the bed, where Goku was eye-level with him on the hammock, "Sorry, I was too loud."

Goku yawned and scratched his head, "You guys both on the hammock?"

Trunks suddenly felt self-conscious about getting caught. "Uh-"

"-Yeah," Pan interjected.

Trunks swallowed, unsure of what the right next move would be.

"Okay," Goku closed his eyes and lay back down. The second his head hit the pillow, he instantly started to snore.

It was unclear if Goku had actually been sleep-talking the entire time.

It was comical how Goku had fallen back asleep so quickly.

"Te-heh!" Pan let out a steady giggle that she failed to hold back. "Te-hehehehehe!"

"Hehehe!" Trunks was so nervous that it manifested as his own giggle, "Hehehehe!"

They both laughed for a minute, "Hehehehahahaha!"

As they laughed, Trunks kept recalling that time they played Comet Crash at Pan's sixth birthday party. That was so long ago… before he even went to college. He must have been how old? Eighteen?

He was amazed that she remembered back then. His whole life was so different. It was from a time before he even broke up with Mai.

Pan was six, so when was that? Age 786? Her birthday was May 22nd, so it was the day after his high school graduation.

It was literally the day before…

Before…

Trunks was remembering all kinds of things from that weekend, now…

… Mai… his mom…

… Goten…

As Trunks reminisced about that late spring, which was also the start of his summer break after high school, he didn't realize that his body eased its tension. His mind had wandered away from the sparks of their physical contact, and the burning sensation quelled and calmed. With his mind elsewhere, his body felt comfortable and warm. He forgot he had even wanted to get out of the hammock.

Instead, Trunks' mind wandered to nostalgic memories… of the good days. Those were the days when Trunks was still young, and innocent, and pure-hearted, and good.

He could barely remember the person he used to be.

"When you think of me…" Trunks wondered aloud, "... is that what you think of? The Comet Crash game?"

"Yeah," Pan spoke to the ceiling, "And stuff like going to Super World with our families when I was baby, and, like… Oh yeah, our trip to W. Deenyland!"

Trunks' lips rose into a reminiscent smile as he remembered W. Deenyland. He remembered the Holiday Break trip to North Mercka that he took Goten, Bra and Pan on when he was twenty-one. That was in the window of his final year of college, before he graduated early.

Trunks stared at the ceiling in the darkness, trying to recall those memories. He recalled a few rides, but everything was a little foggy. He half-laughed as he remembered, "I think I was drunk that whole trip."

"What, really?" Pan turned her head to look at Trunks, "I had no idea. You guys were totally normal the whole time."

He sensed her eyes from his peripheral vision, but he kept staring up as he chuckled, "Yeah.. no, I was definitely drunk the whole time." He grinned, "We snuck a flask and a bunch of whiskey capsules into the park. We were so bad."

Trunks felt Pan harrumph as she turned her head back to the ceiling.

"Well..." Pan half-joked, "At least you handle your alcohol better than me."

"Hehehehe," Trunks chuckled again at their new inside joke, recalling the notorious blue "happy cappuccinos" at their wedding.

Pan quietly laughed as she shifted her body under the blanket.

Trunks sensed her movement against him, which brought his attention to laser-focus on their connected sides again.

But… it was… placid.

There weren't any sparks. There wasn't any pain, or numbness, or itchiness.

For some reason, his body wasn't reacting to her anymore.

He always reacted. It didn't matter how long he was with someone, his mind was always on the contact… But for some reason, there was a calmness in his body that he didn't expect.

The only people who ever bypassed his touching flinch were Goten, Bra, and…

And…

Trunks' eyes widened.

… Pan.

Trunks suddenly shot up in the hammock, in realization of the memory. The sudden momentum knocked Pan back from his chest. Pan made a shrieking squeak as she rolled to the edge of the fabric, and accidentally threw the whole hammock off-balance as she almost flew out.

Pan quickly pulsed her ki to prevent her fall. Her energy thrust her back against Trunks and rocketed the entire hammock backward, which then started to rock.

-CREAK… CREAK… CREAK-

The hammock rope made tight twisting sounds as they rocked back and forth in a lulling and pacifying swing.

In the undulating motions of the hammock, Trunks noted her presence beside him, and continued to be awed at how his body had not reacted to her touch.

It dawned on him that all of his anxiety before, about lying next to her, and fearing the flinch, had all been in his head.

If he just… relaxed with her… and trusted in her… maybe things could be okay.

Things could be okay… because Pan was safe. She was real. She cared for him.

As the hammock continued its soft rocking movements, Trunks eased his tension, and lay back down in the hammock, staring up at the ceiling, appreciating Pan's warmth next to him.

He noted how Pan pulled the blanket to better cover both of them, and then rested her hand to Trunks' side, pinned between their bodies.

It was a rare and oddly comforting feeling to have her next to him. Trunks hadn't been able to relax to this kind of feeling in almost ten years. He couldn't really remember the last time.

When was the last time he felt so comfortable beside someone like this?

Oh yeah - it was…

-KRRK-

A memory struck him like lightning as the image manifested in his mind. His body convulsed at the thought, and it made Pan tense next to him.

Trunks didn't mean for his body to suddenly go rigid, but the memory triggered thoughts of associated memories. And those memories brought a wave of other memories and feelings and-

Danger.

His alarm bells rang. He had to clamp everything down.

He boxed those memories away years ago. He would not relive it. It never happened, anyway.

He did a good enough job moving on from it, and he could easily treat that time like it never happened.

As long as nobody knew, then it never happened. For eight years, it never happened. It didn't need to be remembered.

It was never real, so it never happened.

It didn't happen. It didn't happen. It didn't happen.

He couldn't lose his composure like this; not while he was lying with Pan. She'd sense all of his nervous energy.

Trunks panicked.

She could feel his pulse. She knew… and she might find out. And then Goku might find out. No. No. No. No. Never. NEVER.

"What's wrong?" Pan whispered into his side, "Why are you getting upset?"

Trunks didn't want to lie to her, but he also wanted to avoid spilling the details of his unwelcome thoughts. He purposely pushed them aside.

Ramen bowl. Ramen bowl. He put them in a bowl, and he but them in a box, and then he shoved it in an oven, and he burned it all. All of it.

He couldn't let Pan know how he felt, because then she'd start asking questions… And then the questions would lead to lies. He didn't want to lie. Not this time around. He learned that lesson long ago.

But he couldn't tell her. He didn't know how. This wasn't the time. He… he…

His mind felt like it was short-circuiting. He wanted to be truthful, but he was also a master of leaning into his well-practiced skill of deflection.

He had to tell her something. He wasn't going to lie. No lies.

Trunks leaned into vagueness and obscurity. Open-ended answers could be molded and shaped. He said slowly, as he deflected, "Sometimes I think of things in the dark. Just memories, that's all."

He purposely leaned into the topic of "memories." Trunks was good at leading the topic, so he could control the conversation.

He had this conversation many times before. Pan's response would be to ask him about the memories. All of the girls he ever flinched with would ask him about them, and he had a whole roster of excuses.

Memories were safe, because as long as there was even a little truth to it, nobody could prove them wrong. He could say just about anything, and it would excuse his flinch.

But Pan asked why he was getting upset, not about his flinch. A safe go-to could be about when his father died during the Day of Majin Buu. Who knows… maybe it'd work to his advantage to make his dad seem like he was a good guy all along. That'd be nice, for Pan to believe that.

He often had a recurring memory of the moment Vegeta hugged him - the first show of love that Trunks ever felt from his dad, and probably the most impactful, since it was the act and memory that made Trunks forgive Vegeta for everything he had done to him as a child.

The pause lingered as Trunks waited for Pan's inevitable question. He was prepared with his response.

But Pan never asked the question.

Instead, Pan chose silence.

Several beats went by as they just breathed, and listened to Goku's soft snores.

As a long silent rest hung in the air, Trunks began to feel a little confused. He began to wonder if Pan was actually trying to fall asleep, instead of continuing their conversation.

Her breaths had remained calm and rhythmic. There was an ease to her ki, with the exception of her arm, that still retained its ki charge to hold Trunks in place. He was becoming more and more aware of how Pan had actually trapped him. He preferred to not make a scene of it, since he knew he could overpower her easily. He thought perhaps she had been using her own arm as reassurance that he wouldn't run off so that she also could relax.

He could feel her breaths quicken ever so slightly as she formed her thought. Trunks knew she was going to speak before she did. And he was still ready to talk about his dad.

The words that came out of Pan's mouth were not what Trunks was expecting.

"Hey Trunks?" Pan's palm tensed to grip at Trunks' side as she asked, with a brave tone, "Can you be honest with me?"

Trunks wondered if she had picked up his intention to deflect the topic. His stomach clenched a bit as he bit his lip. She wanted him to be direct.

He owed her that, right? This was his wife, right?

Trunks swallowed and clenched his fists, fearing her question before he could even make his promise.

"Yeah," Trunks said in a haunted tone, feeling a pool of anxiety within him rise like a tide.

Pan looked at him in the darkness, "Were you ever… hurt?"

Were you ever hurt?

Trunks tensed and awkwardly stated, "What…"

Pan clarified, as if Trunks hadn't heard her before, "Were you ever hurt before?"

The words rang in his ears as he considered her words, and somehow still had the image of his father in his head.

He could hear his heart like the pounding of his father's fists.

He remembered how he couldn't breathe.

There was so much pain, and guilt.

He could hear the words. They haunted him, and pulled him down, submerging him in a deep, dark place.

The words told him that no matter how hard he tried, he'd never be wanted. He'd never be loved.

He wanted to prove the words wrong… He wanted to be loved.

Sometimes those thoughts crept into his head when his ex-girlfriend made him doubt himself, despite all of his efforts. No matter what he did, and despite all of his efforts to woo her into liking him, he was always left to wonder why she never was attracted to him.

He believed his father for a very long time. After all, his father wasn't a liar. His words were always true… at least, to an innocent, pure hearted child… back when he was pure hearted.

Were you ever hurt before?

Trunks decided that he didn't want to talk about his dad. Vegeta was not a safe topic to discuss.

Pan knew his dad. She saw him weekly back on Earth. Her view of him would be in jeopardy. He had changed since those days, so Pan didn't need to know. Nobody needed to know.

Only one other person knew, and it almost killed him to find out.

… Goten…

Were you ever hurt before?

-ZZT-

"Are you in pain?"

"Y-Yes, I don't know w-what to do. It h-hurts so much."

-ZZT-

The hands held him down as the bed creaked back and forth.

He tried to cry for them to stop, but he couldn't breathe.

-ZZT-

No. This wasn't a safe question.

Trunks needed a safe story, and quickly… something that was light-hearted and easy for Pan to digest, but also was significant to his life.

As Trunks tried to quickly rack his memory of examples of hurt, the floodgates opened, and he was overwhelmed with unwanted, painful memories.

The truth was that Trunks had been hurt all of his life. There wasn't an easy beginning or ending to it. He had gone through tremendous emotional and mental pain for years.

Were you ever hurt before?

Trunks decided to state a noncommital answer. It was vague, so he could reshape the conversation as needed, based on Pan's responses.

"Sure." The answer was simple enough.

Pan seemed skeptical, especially after Trunks had taken so long to reply so curtly. "Sure what?"

"I'm almost twenty-eight," Trunks shrugged, looking up. "I've had all kinds of things hurt me in my life."

Pan seemed to think for a moment, and then followed up with a clarifying question, "What was your worst hurt?"

What was your worst hurt?

Trunks pedantically grumbled, "That's not even proper grammar."

Pan huffed, "You know what I mean."

He did know what she meant, but he didn't want to talk about this subject. This was not a hammock-swing conversation for the middle of the night. Pan didn't realize how deep his demons went.

He decided to play it safe. She wanted a big example of the worst kind of pain, and he had one readily available.

Trunks felt he was clever with his answer, "I died once, on the Day of Majin Buu."

Instead of being satiated, Pan immediately groaned. Pan didn't even skip a beat as she then harshly whispered, "That's not what I mean, and you know it."

Trunks was going to rebut her with an excuse to stay on the topic of Majin Buu, since he felt it could be a good segue into how his father suicided in his attempt to kill Majin Buu. That also was a painful memory for Trunks… but Pan knew that story. Or at least, enough of it.

"How badly were you hurt?" Pan repeated her question, as she doubled down, moving her arm over his belly.

Trunks was both awed and appalled by her brazen approach. She truly wasted no time to aim straight for his jugular.

Trunks became sharply aware of how her hand was over his hip, holding him down. It was his central point to sit up if he wanted to leave the hammock, he was pinned. He started to realize now why Pan placed her hand there. It was no mere accident. Pan had intended to hold him in place for this inquisition.

Trunks didn't like this topic. It already upset him, but knowing how he was pinned began to seriously rub him the wrong way.

Feeling like he was being targeted, Trunks began to feel uncomfortable and defensive.

"I didn't come to the hammock to talk about traumatic memories." His words were terse as he reminded her, "I came to help you sleep."

Trunks felt a mental barrier erect within himself, to shield his vulnerabilities.

"Then why did you reject me when I wanted to come to your bed?"

Trunks was getting a little angry. He didn't like this at all.

"I told you why," Trunks deflected, and then tried to move his hip so he could adjust to sit up. But then he realized Pan's arm was across his waist, over his central point of gravity, and he was being held down. He did not like that, either.

Pan's voice carried with a more stern tone as she repeated the same goddamn question, "Were you ever hurt?"

Trunks could feel his temper rise like a cresting tsunami wave. The anger within him was quick and instinctive, triggered by years of defense mechanisms, "Fuck you."

Pan gasped.

Trunks gasped.

"Oh." Pan withdrew her hand almost immediately to cover her mouth in shock.

"Uh-" Trunks was in shock that he even said that.

Trunks immediately regretted his words. His eyes darted to Goku, who didn't react, but Trunks acknowledged that he deserved a serious slap for saying that to Pan.

Trunks had promised Pan he'd be better. But he kept falling behind in his progress.

He didn't know how to get there. What he was doing was obviously not the right answer. But… he didn't know what else to do.

Why the fuck did Pan ask him about pain? It was literally what triggered him the most.

Unless… she asked him knowing it would trigger him.

Maybe all of this was a test, for Trunks to realize how far he still needed to go in order to be better for her. And he was doing a pretty shitty job at it.

"I'm sorry," Trunks turned to face her, "I didn't mean that at all."

"It's okay," Pan said, facing away from him, and doing her best to reduce how much she touched him on his side, "You can leave now."

Trunks didn't move. He felt a wave of guilt crash into his walls as he repeated, "I'm sorry."

Pan sighed, "You can go."

Trunks didn't want to leave. Not like this. He stressed again, "I'm sorry."

"Stop," Pan shut him down, "Just go."

"No," Trunks said, "I haven't apologized yet."

She huffed as if he had been sardonic, and replied, "You obviously have."

"No, I mean…" Trunks hesitated, not knowing the right words to say.

Pan's tone was a little spiteful, "Are you going to start talking about rollercoasters now?"

Trunks sighed.

Her tone turned bitter, "You never talk about your real feelings."

Trunks bit his bottom lip.

Pan sighed, and said in a low, defeated tone, "I just don't know how to get you to open up."

Trunks swallowed, "Talking about my pain isn't going to help anyone."

"Normally I'd agree…" Pan still faced away from him as spoke distantly, "... But I think there's a story there."

Trunks paused, considering her words. "You want to hear my story?"

"There's a story there," Pan said determinedly, and seemed to work up a little more confidence, "I know it."

Trunks felt an exasperated swell of uncertainty within him. He had no clear answer for her as he tried to navigate his memories of his past. Everything there felt like stormy waters. Diving into that kind of tempest felt dangerous to him. He was genuinely afraid of letting her into his world. Pan had no idea about the depths of his pain.

"I've been hurt a lot in my life," Trunks answered truthfully, "more than you'd know." And then in the same breath, he continued, "And I promise to tell you the, uh, story … when I, uh…" he swallowed, "... when I figure out how."

Pan breathed beside him, still facing away from him while processing his words.

After a moment, Pan spoke toward the wall as she questioned for clarity, "You only need to figure out how to tell me?"

"Well, uh…" Trunks considered the question for a moment, and felt safe replying, "Sure."

Pan turned her head and shifted her body to face Trunks again. He was still facing her, so their faces were inches apart, still sharing the same pillow.

Trunks felt self-conscious about how close they were, but he didn't feel any sparks or tingles where her body touched his side. He decided that this was okay; if he wasn't getting triggered, then he didn't want to move. This was fine.

He still couldn't look in her eyes, though, as he thought of what to say to her. He felt remorse for cursing at her for such a petty reason as her trying to get to know him. Of course she'd want to know him. Of course he held so much back from her.

"It's not easy to remember some things," Trunks looked down, away from Pan as he spoke slowly and clearly, "I relive old emotions, and… I'm pretty fucked up, Pan," Trunks admitted honestly, with a defeated tone, "I'm really fucked up."

Trunks could sense her eyes trying to search his, and the intensity of her stare brought his gaze back to her eyes.

She asked, into his eyes, "Why?"

It was a simple question, and all it did was make Trunks' head spin.

Turning his head away from her to look at the ceiling again, Trunks didn't know how to respond. All of his painful memories had been cataloged and hidden in a maze within his mind. It was hard to piece together any kind of example for her. He wasn't sure what painful memories fucked him up the most. And he wasn't sure what was safe to admit aloud.

He thought of his aggressive father when he was younger. Danger.

He thought of his nosey mother. Fuck her, danger.

He thought of his lies with Goten. Danger…

He thought about his emotional torment at nineteen-

Danger, danger…

He thought of how he was betrayed by- and the cliffs- and… and…

DANGER.

Shit. Shit. Shit, he was thinking of it, and he distracted himself. He needed to change the direction of his thoughts. He was truly honest with Pan when he said that he had no idea how to tell her. He didn't even know how to properly remember it all. It was all shoved far away from his thoughts, for so many years.

Pan wanted to know why he was fucked up, and Trunks was sure that there must have been a true source of it all.

How did he become the mess that he was?

Was it from a series of actions and events in his life? Or was there a deeper root cause?

When did it all begin?

He couldn't blame his father. No matter how Trunks was treated, he had always been soothed and comforted and appreciated by Goten. If he never had Goten in his life, then maybe Trunks would have been worse-off… but he couldn't say that he was "fucked up" before… Before what…?

Trunks felt a fathomless weight of unspoken pain churn within him. He didn't like this feeling. He was afraid to remember certain memories because they unlocked all the chains that dragged him into a whirlpool of torment and grief, and he didn't know how to pull himself out from it.

He wasn't in any kind of place to talk about the events that happened. And Trunks always had a hard time wording his feelings. It felt a little like a catch-22, in that he couldn't discuss the memories because the feelings blockaded his thoughts, but he also couldn't express his feelings because he blocked away the memories.

He needed to ease his mind. His heart was racing again, and this rollercoaster had to reach its stop. He didn't want to leave the hammock. He needed to be smarter about how he acted around Pan.

Conscious of how Pan was still patiently lying to his side, and watching him, Trunks breathed and gathered his thoughts with the ramen bowl. He had to pay attention to the whole situation, so that he could stay collected.

Trunks thought it would be too risky at this point to reveal events from his past. He wasn't prepared to talk about that. But… maybe there was something behind the concept of feelings. Even now, Trunks had been so caught up in his own thoughts that he never asked Pan any questions about herself.

Trunks learned the hard way that Pan got upset when Trunks failed to consider her feelings. Maybe Trunks needed to actually go through his round of remorse about the wedding in order for him to learn to stop and think about her.

It was clear that his "lack of empathy" was a trigger for Pan. He'd try to be more empathetic for her… at least, when he remembered to be more mindful of her feelings.

Maybe, by Pan asking Trunks about his painful memories and feelings, Pan actually wanted Trunks to ask, or be more conscious about hers…

Trunks never grew up with anyone asking about his feelings. Literally zero people ever asked him how he ever felt, ever. He could not think of one single time in his entire life.

Because he never once had to consider feelings, he didn't even think that feelings were something that were discussed between people outside of movies, TV shows, and therapy sessions.

He never reached an emotional point with any girl in which they expressed any feelings beyond attraction. Any time a girl started to get emotional with him, or wanted to open up to him, Trunks ran.

He mainly tried to run away from his own emotions, which almost always were never good. In fact… Trunks might even go so far as to blame his emotions for being the root cause of "why" he was so fucked up.

He felt he finally had a true answer for her. It encapsulated almost everything in one sentence.

"I think you hit the nail on the head," Trunks admitted slowly, with deliberation. "I have a hard time with empathy."

Pan continued to watch him from his side, "Yeah?"

Trunks felt her eyes on him, but his admission made him feel a little vulnerable, and the close proximity was also too much for him to turn to face her, so he kept looking up.

"And it's gotten me into a lot of trouble," Trunks confessed. "And it's made it hard for me to relate to people, and to make real connections."

"Yeah?" Pan's tone invited him to continue.

"And so I've had a hard time opening up," Trunks continued, "And so all of my feelings that I set aside … they don't have anywhere to leave. I don't give them any kind of vent. And um…" He breathed, "sometimes when I lose control of my emotions, I have outbursts. And… every single time, I only add to my issues. I keep making the pain worse. It's just been one big cycle I can't escape from."

Pan lay in silence, processing his words.

Trunks also lay for a while, trying to picture who he used to be back when he played "Comet Crash" with Goten, Bra and Pan at her sixth birthday party. He remembered the old jacket that he had gotten that day. He kept picturing himself as an immature teenager who felt on top of the world. Back then, he used to grade things on a scale of power levels and entertainment levels, and when it came to emotions, it all boiled down to temper levels.

He then pictured himself at Capsule Corporation, sitting in on corporate meetings, negotiating deals with executives, and overseeing all stages of his company's supply chain. He was The Man who stood above men. He wasn't allowed to be a person. He could only be an idea, and a promise to the company. His personal feelings were inefficient and irrelevant, just like they had always been growing up. His parents had trained him that way, expecting that from before he was even born.

"It's funny," Trunks said with a slightly amused tone as he reminisced about his past, "I know you've seen me be emotional a lot on this trip, but it's ironic." He made a half-grin to the ceiling, "Most people don't see me as emotional at all."

"What?" Pan seemed surprised, "Even with all of your meltdowns?"

"I don't have those at work," Trunks spoke to the ceiling. "I've spent a long time treating feelings as inefficiencies. They get in the way of work, and so I've set all that aside. I've… become a bit of a robot. I honestly… don't even know anymore how to sort through my feelings. I don't think I ever knew in the first place. Feelings weren't something that were discussed in my house."

Pan inhaled slowly as Trunks sensed her eyes widen in his peripheral vision. It seemed Trunks' words had enlightened her about an idea, and Pan was connecting dots in her head to figure out certain patterns.

There was a lingering silence, as Pan considered his words and deliberated her response. Trunks was in no rush to move the conversation forward, so he patiently waited and tried not to think too much.

And then Pan asked a very logical question - something Trunks initially thought was prepared for, yet as he heard her question, he completely forgot his canned response.

"Have you ever gone to therapy?" Pan asked.

Trunks ruminated, trying to consider what actually counted as therapy. She probably didn't want to hear about his dragonweed pow-wows, when he and Goten, and sometimes Marron, would escape from their parents during their regular pool parties, to sneak a joint of dragonweed before going into the entertainment room to listen to music and talk about games and Clean God.

Thinking about Clean God, Trunks felt a knock on his mental door, which pulled him back to Pan's question.

He decided to be honest, since he couldn't recall any other answer he had prepared.

"I tried therapy once," Trunks admitted, as he remembered a heavy man's face, with a balding head and large nose which held up large, round black glasses, "In my second year of college."

"What did you go for?"

Her words were innocent, but intrusive. And before he could develop any other thought, Trunks suddenly remembered why he had been assigned a therapist.

He was not prepared to tell this to Pan. There was zero chance. Nope.

Trunks didn't want to lie, so he remained vague about the details, and tried to downplay it a bit to sound less interesting, "Some concerns in college. I didn't go back because he later told my mom everything I said, including a copy of his session notes."

He said that statement calmly and casually, because it was true, and it always happened. It was normalized in his life. That's how information worked with him. If he said something, his mother would find out. That was how his world worked. That was simply his life.

The way that Pan tensed next to him was the only way he'd have been alerted to his words sounding strange.

"Why… did he talk to your mom?" Pan's voice was tentative, almost searching.

Trunks sighed, "Everyone talks to her. She knows how to pull strings and she has a lot of money for bribes. She manipulates truth, and even her own persona to make people trust her and the money."

"But… isn't that… illegal?"

Pan's innocence and pure-heartedness made Trunks' own heart ache. She had no idea how the real world worked, and he missed his own obviousness. There was so much less to grieve back then, about the horrors of human nature and greed.

"I'm her son, and people tell her about me because she convinces them that because I'm her son, it's fine for her to also know. The family card gets played heavily, and people tend to talk more when they realize they're facing a titan of industry. She has a way of intimidating people. It's… not much different than being questioned by a mob boss."

"But… what about confidentiality?"

"My mom always finds out everything." Trunks rubbed his tired eyes with both of his hands, "And she doesn't give a fuck how she has to do it. She's stooped pretty low in my life. She even paid someone to date me for three years, so she could monitor me."

"Wait…" Pan heard his last sentence, and faltered, "What?!"

Pan was aghast, and her body tensed against him.

Trunks continued talking, mainly because Pan prompted him to feel comfortable elaborating on the story.

"There was a time when I tried to keep information from her, but she still found out anyway," Trunks admitted, and then because he was a roll, he stupidly confessed, "Except for one thing."

And then Trunks regretted saying that.

Uh oh… The exception had slipped.

Shit.

He knew her question was coming, and he had to deflect it. He wasn't ready to talk about that "one thing"... especially since it was more along the lines… of two things…

Pan's question emerged. "What thin-"

Trunks was prepared to cut her off quickly, "-How about you?"

Trunks had to change the subject before she had a chance to learn more details. He didn't want to explain the exception to her. It was Goten's business, and Goten's father was just feet away.

This was neither the time nor place to confess his complicated relationship with Goten.

"How about you?" He dodged again as he repeated his question, "I have a lot of painful memories, but you never told me about what made you hurt. Have you ever been hurt?"

Pan's demeanor shifted, and her mood seemed to drop. "Um…" She hesitated, and there was a long pause as she contemplated her words, "Um…"

When Pan spoke, her words surprised Trunks, who was used to facing her combative side. Instead, her tone was slightly meek, and avoidant.

"Maybe we should talk about it a different time…"

Trunks heard her words, and could not possibly have agreed more. He heard an invitation to end the conversation. Ending the conversation meant he didn't have to talk about his past or his feelings anymore.

Maybe he could get away without sharing any damaging details after all. He felt empowered by her suggestion, and all he wanted was to end his emotional rollercoaster ride.

The topic could end right here. It was over.

Trunks was happy to oblige.

"Okay," Trunks' tone lightened as he felt a weight lift off his shoulders, "We'll talk about it later. Goodnight."

And then, as quickly as he shut down their talk, he shifted to lie angled away from Pan, and closed his eyes.

The ending of that conversation came so easily that Trunks had a hard time believing it. But, just as all things must pass, that moment was over, and Trunks survived.

Now, if Trunks just focused on his breathing, he might be able to catch some last-minute rest before Goku woke up to start the day.

Trunks was fairly good at partitioning his thoughts when he wanted to shove everything aside and reset. If he didn't use the box method, he could use the ramen bowl method. In general, it was not too hard for him to fall asleep.

He inhaled and exhaled in a slow rhythm, trying to ease his heart. He focused on his ki, lowering it so that his body temperature could be lulled out of consciousness.

The palpable silence lasted about five minutes. Trunks was hardly nodding off, but at least he had stabilized his heartbeat by the time Pan spoke up again, breaking the silence.

"When you jerked away at the wedding."

The words cut into the darkness.

Trunks had to recall the words in order to process the words. It pulled Trunks back from whatever rest he was trying to get as he instinctively asked, "What?"

"When you said to not touch you," Pan spoke again to the darkness, and he felt her body still tense against his.

Trunks sighed, remembering that moment. He'd hoped she'd have forgiven and forgotten that. The more he looked back on it, the more he realized just how awful he had been to her.

"I have no idea how you ever thought that was normal," Pan started.

Trunks shook his head and objected, "I didn't think it was normal…"

Pan continued, "I don't understand what made you someone who could stoop so low to hurt me like that. And then you kept hurting me the whole time."

"Pan…" Trunks turned his head and body to face hers, and they were once again inches apart. He tried to fight the queasy feeling of being so close, but he wanted her to know his real feelings, and Trunks always had a hard time communicating emotions with words.

Their noses were practically touching. He could feel the wind of her breath on his chin.

Trunks swallowed, "Um…"

Pan watched him, waiting, mere inches away. They were just so close.

Trunks hesitated, feeling his nerves acting up. It triggered his body to erupt in itching sparks where his side touched hers.

He needed to get the words out. He needed to do this. He was tired of apologizing, but he was genuinely regretful of how he had acted. He knew he should have been better to her. At the time he was just… not ready.

Trunks looked her in the eyes, "I'm so sorry." His eyes searched hers, "There's no excuse for what I did."

"Yes there is," Pan stressed, "Nobody just jumps and screams at the altar for their wife to not touch them. All I did was touch your arm, when you should have kissed me. I didn't do anything wrong."

"I know," Trunks sighed…

… But then he remembered what Pan did to him after their ceremony, forcing a kiss on him.

That kiss was what made him spiteful enough to embarrass her at their wedding reception. But… all of it had started from a chain reaction.

Trunks preferred to view that horrible kiss as water under the bridge, and a symptom of her reaction to his bad attitude. Both of them had objectified each other as punishment, that night, and Trunks knew he was the one who had started the chain of that fight.

He couldn't blame her, especially when he thought back to how he had treated her for the last seven months.

"Something happened to you, didn't it?"

Pan seemed sure of herself, when she suggested it. Trunks recognized that Pan was trying every way possible to get him to talk.

Trunks was able to see through her question. This was just another re-wording of her question that asked if he was "ever hurt." She was still digging for information.

Trunks hesitated with his answer, afraid to open a new can of worms. His mind kept dancing back to the thought that this was Persistent Pan…

Trunks realized that Pan wasn't going to go to sleep until he told her an actual story.

He felt uneasy at the thought of opening up, but his recent recollection of how he had been so unfair to her at their wedding made him more conscientious of his personal promise to be better to her.

This was his wife. She was young, but only for a few more years. He had been paired with her at the youngest age in space that she could possibly be - on literally the day she came of age.

Trunks was given the most time with her that anyone could ever have with their mate. She might be young, but he had waited almost twenty-eight years for her. He wasn't going to fuck this up.

He would be good to her.

There was at least one story he could share, despite how it hurt to remember it. But it was safe enough, and thematic to their conversation.

Trunks started, "I have a story for you."

This piqued Pan's interest, and she smiled to finally have her way, as she urged him onward, "Oh yeah? Is it a big secret?"

Trunks considered her question for a moment. He thought that even though most people didn't know it, it also wasn't really a secret. Trunks had simply been the last person to find out the truth about it.

It was a safe enough story to share. At least… for tonight. And the more Trunks thought of it, the more he realized how much it touched upon his origins of how everything got so "fucked up" for him.

Trunks started, with a nod to their most recent topic, "You know how my mom bought the information from that therapist?"

"Yeah," Pan nodded, and then turned her head to look back to the ceiling as Trunks spoke.

"Well… I started to tell you… She did something similar, before that." Trunks looked at the ceiling, and felt a well of old angry emotions well up a bit, "She did something… really cruel to me."

Pan hesitated, as it became clear that she wasn't sure if she wanted to hear something so vile, "What did she do?"

"You know my mom," Trunks licked his dry lips, feeling nervous.

He wasn't sure where to start with the story. There was so much history to unpack, he didn't know how to summarize it all.

Trunks felt he needed to set up the story a bit, first, so that Pan could understand where his mom had been coming from with the decision she had made that hurt him. "She's really selfish. And she also lacks empathy. She's never once asked me about my feelings. I don't think she really cares."

Pan repeated, with a little more urgency, "What did your mom do?"

Goku stirred with light breaths, but neither of them paid any attention.

"Um," Trunks wondered how to best tell the story. "Well…"

The story spanned over multiple years, and no matter what he said, he knew he'd miss nuances. As Trunks tried to explain the set-up, he wished he were a better storyteller.

"I dated a girl for a long time in high school," Trunks began, "I… had a crush on her for years, since I was a little kid…. and um… my mom knew it."

Pan seemed to perk up with his confession. Her voice was genuinely interested, "Who did you have a crush on?"

Trunks shrugged in the hammock, remembering the ghost of someone he thought he knew, and now only served to numb his feelings, "Her name was Mai."

Pan perked up more, "I know Mai!"

Trunks frowned as he watched the ceiling, and tried to piece together his memories, "How do you know Mai?"

"Duh," Pan nudged her shoulder against his to make her point, "I remember you used to date her."

"Huh…?" Trunks looked over to her face.

"You brought her all my birthday parties," Pan reminisced, "And she worked at Capsule Corp, right? Wasn't she also the one that found out about the Black Star Dragon Balls?"

"Uh…" Trunks' eyes widened, as he never realized just how much Pan knew.

"Didn't you say she sold that information to Emperor Pilaf?" Pan questioned, "Isn't that how they got to wish Grandpa into being a kid again?"

All of that information was correct. Trunks was notably impressed with how Pan somehow remembered all of that, and also knew Mai.

It was a fairly strange feeling to know that his wife remembered his first girlfriend. It also highlighted to Trunks that their age difference was not as drastic as he had thought it would be.

Pan remembered his life… from … before all the shit went down.

The more he thought about it, the more floored he felt. The realization made Trunks feel like Pan had somehow been a bigger part of his life, and more integrated into it than he had ever realized.

First, he'd been able to touch her without the flinch… and now, she remembered people.

"Yeah," Pan thought aloud, "You and Uncle Goten and her would hang out a lot."

Trunks thought back to Mai, and how Goten was extremely integrated into Trunks' life at that time. Those were good days with Goten. He missed those days with him. But… Trunks was also very certain that he did not miss Mai. He also associated Mai with a different memory, that happened a few years later, that he didn't want to remember.

Thinking of Mai brought back feelings of insecurity.

His memories made him question everything that he thought had been real in his life.

Trunks exhaled, "It was complicated with her."

Pan waited a moment, and followed up with a quiet, "… Yeah?"

Trunks sighed again, "Yeah."

There was a lingering silence that followed, in which Trunks realized that his words were not satisfactory. There was more meat to the story, which he knew Pan wanted to know.

Trunks felt vulnerable and weak to confess the truth. But Pan this evening wanted to know how he was "hurt" in the past. And Mai…

Mai had hurt him more than anything in the world.

Trunks' eyes stung as he confessed slowly, and achingly, "She broke my heart."

There was silence, but Pan's left hand brushed against Trunks' right hand, and it triggered tingles that flared, and calmed.

His hand tensed, but then relaxed.

He felt Pan's fingers wrap around his hand to give his palm a reassuring squeeze.

Trunks was only half-mindful of Pan's hand as he kept thinking back to his emotions at the time he broke up with Mai… when he had fully learned about her betrayal.

"I don't… think I ever really recovered from that relationship," Trunks honestly confessed as he felt his eyes grow teary. "I never got my bearings straight again."

There was an emotional silence as Pan hesitated with her words, clearly fighting an internal battle. Trunks saw the silhouette of Pan's face in the darkness open and close her mouth, as if she kept re-thinking the next thing to say.

After a minute, Pan breathed in, and asked tentatively, "Did you… love her?"

Trunks remembered himself asking Mai that same question, in which Mai dodged her feelings for him. She never loved him.

"I don't know what I felt for her," Trunks mused dejectedly, "But none of it was real, anyway."

Pan turned her head to look at Trunks, and squeezed her hand against his again, "What do you mean?"

Trunks inhaled slowly, and exhaled. "I told you. She spied on me for my mom. She was paid to date me, for three years."

Pan inhaled sharply, "… But wait… In three years… she never… loved you?"

Trunks didn't like to remember this. "No."

"But… did she kiss you?" Pan pressed, clearly distraught, "She at least kissed you, right?"

"Hah…" Trunks felt a well of spite inside him, "Three times on the cheek, and all of them without even as much as a smile."

Pan seemed confused now, "Why… did you stay with her?"

"I told you… my mom paid people… so that she could control me." Trunks searched the ceiling with rapid, wet eyes. "She paid Mai too, to not just be loyal to her, but to reject all of my advances in a way to keep me hanging on. She purposely led me to think that maybe if I tried harder, or did something different next time, then maybe she'd be more interested in me."

"What…" Pan's tone betrayed how she ached for him.

"I thought… if I gave up… then I'd be a failure." Trunks breathed with eyes unfocused beyond the ceiling, remembering his father's old words, and how much Trunks wanted to prove him wrong. "I thought… maybe if I kept trying, she'd learn to love me."

Pan sounded pained, "Trunks…"

"And now I look back on it, and realize how much of a fool I was. I should have known better, but I didn't understand what my mom was really like, back then. I was… innocent… and gullible."

Pan considered his words in silence.

"My mom was there when I first asked Mai out," Trunks continued as he recalled, "I didn't think about it at the time. Mai rejected me. But then, after that weekend, when I headed to school, she suddenly decided to join me in school, and out of nowhere, she was okay with dating me." He breathed, "I thought she had changed her mind because she wanted to be with me."

Trunks could hear Pan's frown as her dejected voice slowly asked, "How old were you?"

He looked at her, acknowledging Pan's ability to relate.

"I was your age, actually. Um…"

Trunks paused as he considered that this story might hit Pan harder than he anticipated, because she'd be able to directly relate to it. He continued, admitting, "I was um… fifteen, almost sixteen. I just started my sophomore year, and um… Well… she had graduated high school thirty-six years before that."

Pan jolted a bit in the hammock, "Wait, what?! Thirty-six years?"

"Yeah…" Trunks mused.

Pan's eyes were wide, "She was that old?!"

"Yeah. Kind of a red flag, I know. I was stupid." Trunks mused a bit, with a half-smile, mostly out of disbelief with himself, "You know how Goku accidentally got turned into a kid again? Well… that wasn't the first time she accidentally made that kind of wish."

"What do you mean…?"

"I guess… long story short, the Emperor Pilaf gang accidentally wished themselves to be children when they wanted to wish for eternal youth. I was a kid at the time - um… I think twelve. And I mean, I don't know…" Trunks sighed, "She had a whole career under her belt, but because she looked young, I confused her for being young."

Pan knotted her brow as she tried to understand, "But… she was young…"

"Yeah… but imagine your Grandpa Goku going back to school just because he looked young. Do you think Goku, in his current form, is actually twelve? Or do you still see him as your grandpa?"

Trunks knew the question was rhetorical. It was clear that Pan always viewed him as an adult.

Pan shifted a bit uncomfortably as a silent response to the question.

Trunks didn't bother to wait for a reply, since he had intended for the question to just be a thought starter. Trunks sighed as he castigated himself in his mind, continuing, "Despite all the red flags, I never once questioned why she'd want to repeat high school all over again."

"Yeah…" Pan's voice was distant as she considered Trunks' words, and then her tone lightened as she said in jest, "You can't even get me to go to high school the first time."

"HAH!" Trunks half-laughed, considering the irony of who he married. "You know, I'd die before I went back, too. High school classes sucked."

They both chuckled together, "Hehehehehe…"

When Trunks calmed, he continued his thought where he left off. He felt like there was still more to say.

"And… I don't know…" Trunks braced himself, "I always liked Mai, and my mom knew it… So when I asked her out, my mom saw an opportunity to take advantage of my crush." Trunks paused for a moment in thought before he finished his story, "And Mai got a big paycheck every week for keeping me innocent and pure."

Pan thought about his words for a moment. "But…" She thought more, and continued, "... didn't you suspect something was wrong? Without real kisses? You said you dated her for three years?"

Trunks shrugged, "Yeah, I suspected something. But I kept thinking something was wrong with me."

Pan's hand squeezed his again, "And you never talked to her about it?"

"I'm terrible with that kind of stuff." Trunks sighed. "I didn't know how to talk about it. When you're that close to it, it feels like it's something personal. I mean…" He tried to think of his words, "I did whatever I could for her. I paid for so many dates, and did all kinds of fun things, but she was …"

Trunks trailed off, and breathed, but made himself continue, "She kept making me think that I just needed to try harder. I was never good enough. And I didn't want to walk away from that… knowing I was never able to win her heart, even a little bit." Trunks breathed, "Because if i did that, then it would mean…"

Trunks thought back to his father's words, again.

Trunks had wanted so much to prove them wrong. He had done everything he could to be good, hoping that someone could maybe love him. If Mai had loved him, then it could have proven his dad wrong… that Trunks was worthy of love…

Pan's voice started to break, as if she had tears in her eyes. "Trunks… Do you think maybe deep down, you may have won her heart, and she just didn't tell you?"

Trunks turned his head to look into her eyes with his own tears, "No."

Trunks sighed and looked back up to the ceiling, "All of the feelings that I thought I had were just head-fakes." He shrugged with a downcast frown, "None of it was ever real."

Pan's voice was pained, "That's so awful, Trunks. I'm so sorry."

Trunks didn't know what to say to that. He knew Pan had nothing to do with any of it, and he felt a little guilty that he was putting her through this pain as he remembered the story that made him lose his trust with his mom… The story… that started his downfall.

Trunks teared up, remembering that time. He missed his innocence and pure heart. It went away so quickly after that.

Pan breathed, and asked slowly, "How did you find out?"

Trunks tried to think back on his memories and word them as euphemistically as he could, so as to not reveal anything inappropriate to Pan.

Trunks spoke slowly, watching his words, "After I graduated. I… wanted to get more serious with her…"

Pan responded, "Yeah?"

"And even that fell short." Trunks wiped his cheeks with his right hand as he stared absently beyond the blank ceiling, "And then my mom told me the truth, and, uh… yeah… "

Pan tensed up, intrigued, "What did you do?"

"Well, what do you think I did? I broke up with her, on the phone. I was so disgusted, I never even wanted to see her face again."

"Wow…" Pan processed his words in silence, and quietly questioned, "How old were you again, when you broke up?"

Trunks thought for a moment to make sure he had the timeline straight. "Eighteen…" He confirmed, "Eighteen and a half. And then after that, shit just got worse for me."

"After you broke up?"

"Yeah. I mean…" Trunks remembered his emotional state, "I had a really bad rebound."

"What happened?"

-BOOOOOOM-

Like a bomb went off in his mind, Trunks was suddenly very awake as his memories rammed into a giant mental wall.

What…

He felt triggered. He wasn't ready for this.

No…

His heartbeat increased. His breathing became ragged.

Ba-Bump Ba-Bump Ba-Bump…

This was bad. This was bad. This was bad.

He tried to breathe, but everything started escalating and swirling in the darkness faster than his heartbeat. His body couldn't keep up. His mind couldn't keep up. There were so many images, and flashes.

All the hurt …

All the betrayal…

He was a monster.

Ba-Bump Ba-Bump Ba-Bump…

Monster…

Ba-Bump Ba-Bump Ba-Bump Ba-Bump Ba-Bump…

Monster…

Ba-Bump Ba-Bump Ba-Bump Ba-Bump Ba-Bump Ba-Bump Ba-Bump…

Shit. He couldn't break out of it. Everything was spiraling.

Ba-Bump Ba-Bump Ba-Bump Ba-Bump Ba-Bump…

Goten…

He needed Goten. He needed Goten. He needed Goten.

He had wanted to fix it all. He thought he had the time to make it better. He needed him. He was so sorry.

He was so sorry.

So sorry.

So sorry.

"What's wrong?" Pan could feel Trunks' tension and rapid pulse.

"Um…" Trunks hitched as his body began to tremble, from a light stir to a heavy quake.

So sorry.

"I… um… uh…" Trunks jerked his hand away from Pan's, suddenly unwilling to touch anyone. He didn't want to be touched. He didn't want to be here.

"What happened?" Pan sat up in the hammock, to look down at Trunks.

Ba-Bump Ba-Bump Ba-Bump Ba-Bump Ba-Bump…

Trunks felt awkward. He felt sick. He felt nauseated. He felt tormented. He felt icy. He felt too hot. "Um… listen… I, uh…"

Pan looked down at him questioningly.

Trunks smacked his lips, and breathed. He couldn't stay here. He had to leave.

He said with all certainty, "I gotta go."

Ba-Bump Ba-Bump Ba-Bump Ba-Bump Ba-Bump…

Pan frowned, "What?"

Ba-Bump Ba-Bump Ba-Bump Ba-Bump Ba-Bump…

"Yeah, no, uh, I gotta GO." Trunks sat up, and pushed the blanket back, determined. "Yeah, I gotta go."

"Where are you going?" Pan tried to take Trunks' hand again.

Trunks slapped her hand away and pulled his hand back.

Pan gasped, hurt by his rejection, but Trunks didn't care. He had to go. He had to remove himself from this.

He had to go. He had to go. He had to go.

"Stop," Pan tried to reach for his hand again, but Trunks swung around on the hammock about to hop down.

Ba-Bump Ba-Bump Ba-Bump Ba-Bump Ba-Bump…

He couldn't think over his racing heart. His body felt heated, and his mind was foggy and swirling and aching with pressure like steam that boiled and swelled in his head.

"Um… -hahhh- Um… - hahhh- " Trunks tried to not hyperventilate, but everything felt like it was spinning.

Trunks struggled to excuse himself, and all of his words fell short. He had to get out of there. He needed to say something.

"I'm actually not tired," Trunks lied, "I-I'm going to go check on Giru, and see how the uh-uh…" Trunks tried to remember what the excuse would be, "... how the uh, n-navigational calibration is going."

"What?" Pan seemed surprised.

Trunks stood, and the hammock swung behind him as Pan adjusted to being alone in it again. He repeated as his brain short-circuited, "I gotta go."

"Wait…" Pan seemed taken aback.

Trunks straightened his nightclothes, "Listen…" He turned to face her as she sat up in the hammock, "I said my painful memory, and you said yours. We're even."

"But…" Pan looked like she disagreed.

"Try to get some sleep, Pan. We have a long day ahead."

"But…" Pan seemed confused.

Trunks started to walk away, but Pan grabbed his hand.

The way she grabbed him was a sudden movement that flared in his body, and Trunks flinched with a sharp inhalation, and jerked away.

"AH!" Trunks yanked himself back, wide-eyed and panicked. He looked sharply at her, half in surprise, and half in frustration. He could feel his temper threatening to flare again.

"Thank you…" Pan whispered, "... for talking to me."

Trunks breathed hard, trying to explore her eyes in the darkness, searching for judgment, or challenge, or some kind of patronizing look. But all he saw was a face that was concerned, with tight lips and wet eyes.

Trunks could see… Pan was genuine. Pan was real.

"Maybe we can talk again…" Pan sounded hopeful as she crossed her arms across the bottom of her chest.

Trunks continued to deeply search her eyes, and as his breaths steadied again, he found comfort in her genuine concern. "Yeah…"

Pan seemed hopeful and suggested, "And then maybe then, you'll tell me about your real hurt?"

Trunks paused, unsure of what she meant. He didn't want to assume anything. She had already been full of surprises tonight.

"The real hurt?" Trunks questioned, wondering what she might be referring to this time.

"You know," Pan bit her lip, "The thing that started your touch issue."

Fuck…

Trunks knew he owed her an explanation. He had already promised it to her, and it wouldn't be long until he had to come clean. He looked down to the floor, and then to her eyes again. "Yeah…"

"It's from another painful memory, right?"

Trunks thought Pan was impressively intuitive. What she didn't know, though, was that there were two painful memories, both equally as bad.

Trunks couldn't tell her about the second memory. But… then again, telling her about the first one … felt like a conflict of interest. Nothing good could come from telling her about either of those memories.

Trunks hesitated, watching her. But then, his eyes shifted over to Goku, who was sleeping but no longer snoring. Now that Trunks was finally paying attention to him, he realized it was very possible that Goku was actually awake.

There was zero chance that Trunks was about to confess anything in front of Goku. Not about this.

It was already tough enough that Goten knew. It almost killed Goten to know that.

Goku was a different story entirely. If he decided to take action… there was no way Trunks could stop him. Even with a twelve year old body, this young Goku actually had the power and prowess to beat Vegeta up for what happened. And since Trunks knew how different his father was these days, Vegeta might even accept Goku's blows as guilty retribution.

Or worse… if Goku started a fight Vegeta over this, this late in the game, it could even reverse all of his dad's progress. Goku wouldn't think of that; he wouldn't care. Goku just loved to fight and often found any excuse that he could to stretch his power level.

Trunks didn't want to start anything at this point. He just wished he could bury the past and never address it.

Then again, he knew Pan deserved to know.

But, on the other hand… Pan worked out with his father every single week. It would change how she saw him. Trunks didn't want to change how she saw his father. Pan always knew of him as a good man.

"Trunks…?" Pan's voice asked in the dark. It reminded Trunks that she was still there.

She was there. And so was Goku.

And Trunks was still there, too.

He had to leave. He had to remove himself from this situation.

"I gotta go," Trunks repeated without explanation, and turned his head to the dark closet, where his white iridescent bathrobe was easily viewable with the nightlights.

He grabbed the robe from its hanger and flung it on, over his pajamas. In the same motion, Trunks slipped out the bedroom door, and closed it behind him with a small -click-.

Then, it was silent again in the dark room as the stars continued to drift by the window.

Pan felt like she was in a state of shock. All of the reveals from Trunks tonight were more than she could process. Her heart was heavy for him, and her eyes wide at all the injustices that Trunks had to live through. She had no idea how deeply he had been hurt.

No wonder he had no concept of how to be a good boyfriend. He was never rewarded for any of his efforts, and of course he'd give up trying. No wonder he didn't kiss her at the altar… Mai had normalized Trunks' idea of not having any kisses in a relationship.

Pan wanted to cry for him. She couldn't believe how damaged he was, starting so young. She couldn't understand how Bulma could have done something like that to Trunks… to not only approve of him dating a fifty-something year old woman, but to trap and trick him into staying in it. It was so manipulative, it was borderline evil.

Trunks was right… it was cruelty. No wonder he had a tendency to be cruel. It had been done to him first.

Goku was the one to break the awkward silence as he pouted, "Aw man, that story was just getting good!"

Pan flushed, flooded with emotions as she felt embarrassed for both her and Trunks. "Oh no… you heard all that?!"

"Uh, yeah." Goku sat up, looking confused, "You guys were yelling all night."

"We weren't yelling," Pan blushed. "We were opening up."

"Yeah, but he never even got to the big part," Goku pouted.

"What big part?" Pan frowned.

"I dunno, but it sounded like he was holding back. I'd have to touch him to see it." Goku kicked back his bedsheets, "But you were next to him. Why didn't you just read his thoughts?"

"What do you mean?" Pan paused, "You can do that?"

"What, you can't?" Goku seemed surprised.

Pan shook her head in disbelief, "Grandpa, since when could you do that?"

"Uhhh," Goku scratched his head, "I dunno, I guess ever since I trained with King Kai," Goku yawned and rubbed his face to wake up, "I think since Vegeta first showed up? No wait, it was Namek! I think I first did that with Krillin. When was that? A few years ago?"

"A few years?!" Pan was appalled. "Grandpa, that was when Papa was still a kid. Your sense of time sucks!"

"No it doesn't!" Goku pushed the covers back and hopped out of bed.

He was dressed, wearing his maize and blue gi from the night before. He put his hands on his hips and confidently declared, "I got up just in time to do my morning training."

"Nooooo," Pan moaned and fell back into her hammock with a -thwap-, realizing time was up. Sleep time was over. She resigned herself to the unfortunate truth that she was just going to be tired today.

She accidentally stayed up all night talking to Trunks.

But… Pan thought, at least they were in the same boat together. And no matter how Pan looked at it, she had no regrets about staying up with him. She had a rare opportunity for Trunks to finally start opening up with her. He was as stubborn as a mule, but … at least there was progress.

As Pan heard Goku leave the room, she lay in her hammock looking up at the ceiling, and caught herself reminiscing about what it was like to lie next to Trunks.

Pan felt like she grew a little closer with Trunks that evening. At least now, Pan had a little more understanding about what went on under Trunks' hood. He told her a deeply painful memory, and even just that story alone made Pan realize just how tangled and warped Trunks' life was.

And she knew it was just the tip of the iceberg. Even her Grandpa Goku could sense it. Plus, Trunks still hadn't told her about the touch issue.

Pan especially wanted to know more about the "rebound" that drove Trunks into a panic attack that made him run away just now. Pan could barely understand what just happened. Trunks had been perfectly fine, and calm, and things were really good between them, and then BAM, Trunks got triggered, and then it was like all the progress went away.

It was clear that Pan's theory was correct - something happened. In Goku's words, there was still a "big part" that Trunks was holding back.

Whatever the "big part" was had been trapping Trunks into some kind of emotional loop for a long time. He'd start to remember it, and then re-experience it, and then get emotional, and shut down before he even said any words about it.

Whatever the story was, Trunks was obviously unable to tell it at this point, but Pan had picked up on some very key words from earlier that night… something that stuck with her.

It wasn't that Trunks didn't want to tell it.

It was that Trunks didn't know how to tell it.

At this point, Pan was fairly convinced that Trunks was putting in his best efforts to open up to her, and it was something he was clearly unused to doing. He had left Pan adrift in the wake of his departure, to contemplate his hasty excuse to leave.

His excuse was just a thin veneer over the internal tempest that Pan had begun to truly see. She used to think that all of this was over her Uncle Goten… but there was a storm there. A "big part" of an intricate web of pain and secrets that Trunks had only just begun to unravel.

However, despite how the night's revelations had been painful, Trunks' honesty offered Pan a glimmer of hope, that growing understanding and empathy might still be able to bridge the vast expanse of space that was still somehow between them.

For the first time in a long time, Pan felt Trunks was finally opening a door to a deeper connection - something she was determined to explore, despite the uncertainties that lay ahead, and whatever "big parts" were left for him to reveal.

As she lay back in her hammock, staring up at the ceiling and remembering his warmth next to her, Pan considered that the journey that they were on was not just a trip through the stars; it was also a journey to navigate the webs of their hearts, not unlike how their wedding gowns were all knotted and tied through a common red thread.

Lying there, looking up, Pan remembered her dream, in which all of her loved ones disappeared into a void of darkness.

And then she remembered how King Kai had told them that Pan might be able to save Trunks this time around.

There was so much for her to unravel, that she didn't know where to start. But, she did know something for certain.

Trunks was trying to be better for her. She could see how he struggled to be good and fair. And she could also see that he had the seeds of a man with integrity.

As long as Trunks kept fighting for her, Pan would keep fighting for him.

She wouldn't let him just dissipate or vanish to the wind.

Pan was resolved to be his beacon in the darkness, like a lighthouse to guide him home from a tempestuous sea.

–––––––

–––––––

–A: 4/4/24–

–F: 7/23/24–