CHAPTER 24:
Confessions
"The Courtyard" was more like a vibrant tree-filled park with a central hill. The lush greenery was flanked by various hospital buildings, and had cascading-waterfall streams that meandered throughout the hill. Wildlife roamed freely among the winding paths. The area felt like a sanctuary that almost made one forget they were at a medical facility.
Despite the serene ambience, Pan marched determinedly up the hill, feeling aghast as her eyes were fixed on her Grandpa Goku, who was fishing by a stream.
"Grandpa, what are you doing?! " Pan yelled, with arms flailing. "You can't fish here!"
Goku appeared to be in a bright mood as he looked up, unbothered. "Yeah I can!" he retorted with a lopsided grin, and held up his pole, "There's a booth with fishing poles n' animal feed n' stuff."
"Don't be a dumbell!" Pan retorted as she slowed her pace, "We literally just learned that this is a vegan planet."
"So what?" Goku shook his pole in defiance, "That doesn't make me vegan!"
Pan sighed, and felt a current of frustration course through her. "Grandpa, I swear, I leave you alone for half an hour, and you're already up to no good."
"Nuh-uh!" Goku grinned, and waved the end of his fishing pole for them to see.
As Pan and Trunks looked upon closer inspection, it became clear that his fishing line oddly ended in a box trap instead of a hook.
Goku gestured toward a nearby wooden booth adorned with Morse-Braille, and a translated sign underneath that said "Catch & Release: Reel Relaxation."
Pan blinked, taken aback, and wondered aloud to herself, "Well whaddaya know…"
Trunks, who had been in a testy mood ever since his check-up, seemed to loosen up a bit now that they were all alone and back together again.
Looking at the sign's name, Trunks chuckled, and turned his head to Pan with bright, mischievous eyes. She could see his joke coming from a mile away.
"Hey Pan," Trunks teased, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards, "do you want to do some reel relaxation, too?"
"Pfft!" Pan rolled her eyes but couldn't hide her smile, as she felt she was finally starting to understand this man. "Honestly? I just want to get out of here."
Trunks' face brightened as a hopeful spark illuminated his eyes.
"Oh yeah?" He paused, and it looked like a hundred unspoken questions passed through his eyes at once.
Pan wasn't sure how to read him. She squinted her eyes a bit, trying to discern what he was trying to ask.
He hesitated, then added, with a slight blush as he looked away, shyly, "Would you like to… maybe… enjoy the gardens a bit?"
Pan wasn't sure what he was talking about. They were already in a garden.
She looked around at the naturescape, feeling confused. "Uh… which part?"
Trunks looked a little irked for some reason, and Pan wasn't sure what he was trying to say.
Instead of answering, though, Trunks seemed to collect his thoughts about something, and made a small cough.
"Sorry, um, what I mean to say is…" He shifted his weight, burying his hands in his pockets as he finally met her gaze, "... Do you want to… maybe…" he hesitated, looking in her confused eyes, "... go on a date?"
"A date?!"
-ZZZT-
The word struck Pan like a bolt of lightning, electrifying the air between them. Her heart skipped a beat as her breath caught in the sudden intensity of the moment.
Date. Date. Date. Date.
It felt as though a current had swept through her, thundering and echoing, and shaking a melange of emotions that swirled in turmoil.
As she tried to process what she felt, and in a moment of wondering if this could be real, her cheeks lit with a warming blush.
She felt a little vulnerable, and weak with her balance. She was suddenly hit with a weird feeling of nausea in her belly that made her feel weirdly uncomfortable, like she was hungry… yet just being here with Trunks, she felt almost filled to the brim.
She didn't understand this feeling. It was all new to her. And somehow, despite all the overflowing time that she spent with Trunks, all she wanted was more time with him. But she never thought of how.
She felt weak and strangely squeamish, and it left her confused.
She never thought, in her wildest dreams, he'd ever want to go on a date with her.
She'd been with him for months by his side. They'd already been alone together lots of times. So… what was a date?
She had gone on a lot of walks with his presence on the trip, so she didn't know why it felt so… personal… to think of just the two of them… alone.
She didn't understand why she never thought about this before. Maybe, because he never really changed. He was still Bullhead, even self-professed earlier that day with his stupid title that he only made because he wanted to tease Pan in his usual passive-aggressive way…
But… somehow… this time, the thought of being alone with him… sounded really… nice.
Pan's heart pounded a bit as she raised her hopes up, wanting it to be real.
She wanted to think that maybe he might be trying to be good to her.
- Ba-Bum - Ba-Bum - Ba-Bum -
Pan's heart was racing, her mind dizzy with the tantalizing possibility that maybe - just maybe - Trunks was actually trying to do something nice for her. And at the time, she was still a little afraid that this might be too good to be true.
Feeling like this might be a special moment dawning between them, but also feeling insecure, half-worrying that this might be a setup for another one of Trunks' pranks, Pan watched as Trunks had continued to look down and away from her, trying to read his expression.
"Uh…" She hoped her burning cheeks weren't too noticeable to anyone as she tucked a bang behind her ear, and asked with a small, hopeful smile, "Like… a date date?"
Trunks brought his eyes back to her, with rosy cheeks, "... Yeah."
They shared a long look, an unspoken answer formed in the silent communication of their eyes.
Then, just as Pan's smile began to blossom, imagining the sparks of romance, she opened her mouth -
-THWAK-
-SMOOOOOCH -
A huge FISH HEAD smacked into Pan's mouth with a wet set of slimy fish lips.
Pan was tackled to the ground as she screamed, "GHAAA!"
A giant fish flopped on top of her in a panic, flipping and smacking Pan's face its tail. -thwip thwip thwip-
"Gh-gh-gh-gh!" Pan flailed, screaming under the fish.
"Oops!" Goku chimed, "Sorry, my bad! -HYAAAA-CHAAA!" Goku grabbed the fish by the tail, and with a -fwooo- he swung it off of her.
-SMACK-
Goku banged the fish's head against the rocks, and tossed it to the ground.
The fish flopped once. The fish flopped twice.
Then, it stilled.
Pan was heaving, with a sopping wet face, "Haaa… haaa… haaa…"
"AAAAHAHAHA!"
Pan looked up to Trunks, still heaving, and was out of patience.
Trunks couldn't help himself and fell over onto the grass. He rolled and laughed, pointing at her, "AAAHAHAHAHA!"
"NO!" Pan stood up and looked herself over, and then realized what a mess she was. She then proceeded to wail in dismay, "Noooooooo!"
"AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Trunks couldn't stop laughing.
Pan groaned as she held her hands out and looked down at herself , "Aaauuugh, I smell like fish, now!"
That only seemed to set Trunks off even more. He had completely lost control of his laughter on the grass, and it infuriated her that Trunks wasn't even trying to hide his Bullhead side.
"How dare you find this funny, Trunks!" Pan stood up and glowered, spreading her stance as she pointed at him rudely, "You're in the dog house!"
"What?! Hahahaha!" Trunks giggled under his breath as he sat up, pretending to be innocent, "What did I do?!"
"You're being a jerk!" Pan's anger flared with injured pride. Everything was so unfair! "I thought you're supposed to guard me or something! Make sure something like that doesn't happen to me!"
Her anger flared further as she felt her injured pride cower within her. And then she felt a wash of emotion that made her feel sick and overwhelmed. Her vision blurred from despair.
She didn't want to show this vulnerable side, but it bubbled up and she couldn't control it. She was just so downtrodden. She was so sad.
Trunks' laughter died down as he seemed to see her expression shift, and then fully sat up, looking confused, "What?"
Pan didn't understand why Trunks didn't see her disappointment.
She knew he had been trying to improve for her, but he was a lost cause if he couldn't understand what made her feel so upset. She had no idea how to even begin to train him to see something like that.
What would it take for him to finally be able to read her?
… Could Trunks really be so dense … that he couldn't understand a girl's appreciation for romance?!
… How was a girl supposed to have a love story when her man didn't know anything that was actually supposed to happen that would lead toward a "happily ever after"?!
Pan's face scrunched, and she felt grumpy, as her eyes filled with tears.
"What?" Trunks repeated, looking dumbfounded, like the clueless oaf he was.
Pan's vision was shrouded by a blanket of despair, as she thought about all of her dates, and how all of them ended awfully.
In the end, nobody ever wanted her. She felt like the butt of every joke… just like Trunks laughing at her!
It was as if the universe always pulled pranks on her, to lead her into thinking she'd have any semblance of love in her life.
Every time, it all turned out to be a joke on her.
She was always destined to just get a fish in her face.
"Of course something like that would happen to me." Pan wailed pitifully. "I n-never have any l-luck when it comes to dates," she tearfully cried.
"What…"
"I c-can't even g-get asked out r-right…" Pan turned away from Trunks as she sobbed in humiliation, not wanting to face him. Pan covered her face with her hands as she cried into them. "I'm s-so embarrassed..."
She heard Trunks stand up. "Pan…"
"BLEEEEGHH," Goku spat out a chunk of fish tail, "GROSS!"
With her face still covered, Pan wiped her eyes, "G-Grandpa, you're not supposed to eat the f-fish… They're o-ornamental…!"
"What are you crying about?" Goku tearfully spat out the meat onto the ground and tossed the fish to the side, "You'd be crying more if you had to taste that."
Pan sobbed as she remembered how the fish assaulted her mouth, "I diiiiiid…"
"Cheer up, Pan," Goku brightened as he grabbed his fishing pole again. "Maybe the next one will taste better!"
"Waaahhh!" Pan just wailed, feeling beside herself with shame and embarrassment.
As Goku sat down and tossed another line into the stream, he asked, "Want to fish with me, Pan? Maybe you'll feel better."
"No." Pan looked down, and wiped her eyes, "I never want another fish in my life."
"Hey," Trunks up to her and half out his right hand, "We can still go for our date, you know."
All of the excitement that Pan had felt before had become dulled by her sense of humiliation. Everything was just going wrong, like every other date she had ever been on.
All Pan really wanted to do was go back to the ship and take a shower and feel bad.
She didn't understand this feeling, but there was something comforting in relishing her sadness. She just felt so… alone. And she wanted to be alone.
"I don't want to go for a walk anymore," Pan sniffed and crossed her arms by her belly, scratching her lower arms, "I don't want to go anywhere. I smell like a fish, now."
"Well…" Trunks took a half-second to think of a clever line, and then grinned with his usual sparkle in his eye, urging her to take his hand, "Good thing I'm a Scorpio, then. It's a water sign."
"What?" Pan was taken aback, and looked at his hand, and then back to Trunks, wondering if this was a joke after all, "Scorpio?" She wiped her face again, and looked up at him with a scrunched nose, "Since when are you into horoscope stuff?"
"I'm not," Trunks' grin widened, as he leaned down to be a bit closer to her, "but maybe we can talk about our signs over a drink?" His eyes sparkled a bit teasingly as he added, "I am slightly dehydrated, you know."
Pan was confused by Trunks' behavior. Was Trunks trying to be funny? What was this weird vibe?
Something about his energy and aura right now seemed completely different to Pan, as if…
Pan gasped, and her eyes widened the size of the lightbulb that went off in her mind.
He was… flirting with her!
She was half aghast as she realized aloud, "Are you being… smooth with me?!"
"Depends," He smiled and cocked his head to the side, with his hand still held out, "Would you like to have our date now?"
Pan didn't know how to respond. Trunks had never asked her on a date before.
All the dots were connecting in her head as she looked to his extended hand, almost as if in a trance.
Date…
He wanted… a date…
Suddenly feeling like this moment was too good to be true, Pan suspiciously looked around for any cameras on them, or any faces behind the trees that could indicate a sudden flash mob.
But seeing none of that, Pan returned her eyes to Trunks, and felt her hope rising again. She felt warmth in her belly, and a joy in her soul. She felt warmth spread through her face as she, one last time, tried to ascertain his truth.
"Are you being for real?" she asked.
Her heart pounded louder and louder as she felt as if music could start playing at any moment.
"Yes," Trunks smiled at her, like divine radiance.
It was like rays of sunlight opened on them, and his eyes, as blue as the sky, were filled with mystery and discovery, and adventure, and everything she wanted at that moment. She could feel her heart leaping as she overflowed with anticipation and hopeful joy.
She reached her hand toward Trunks' hand slowly as she said in a trance-like tone, "Like… a date, date?"
Trunks' smile warmed as he reached out to hold her hand -
Goku looked over, shaking his fishing pole, "What's a date -date?"
As if a glass had shattered, the spell was broken. Pan remembered that Grandpa Goku was watching them.
All of Pan's feelings immediately boiled into irritation as she pulled her hand back in embarrassment.
"GRANDPA!" she huffed, as she spun to Goku, irate, "You SPOILED the MOMENT!"
"What?!" Goku pouted defensively, still clinging to his pole, "What did I do?!"
"Phuff!" Pan huffed, realizing her Grandpa was absolutely clueless about romance. He was even even more of a lost cause than Trunks!
She wanted to be as far from Grandpa Goku as possible. All he was good for was some comic relief, and he was not welcome on her date.
"Come on, Trunks." Pan grumpily grabbed Trunks' extended hand. Trunks made a surprised yelp as Pan began to march the both of them up the hill, pulling Trunks' hand along as she pushed forward on the grass, "We can't get any romance done with Grandpa here."
Pan stormed up the hill, trudging with renewed vigor. Her stubborn pride evaporated all of her doubt and embarrassment away.
As Pan marched forward, still tugging her man, Trunks guffawed a laugh behind her, clearly amused by her behavior, though she had no idea why.
–––––––
At the top of the hill was a lone tree which cast dancing shadows of its leaves on the grass. By the time Pan reached its trunk, she stopped her stride, and looked around proudly.
They had a full view of their surroundings, and the sun which shone brightly in the clear blue sky. A soft breeze rustled through the leaves of nearby trees, among the calm and serene garden pathways.
As Pan walked up to the grassy patch under the tree, she let go of Trunks' hand, and then moved both of her hands to her hips as she declared confidently, "This looks like a good spot."
"It is a good spot," Trunks agreed as he examined the surroundings, and reached into his right pocket.
Pan faltered, realizing that she didn't actually know Trunk's plan. Suddenly dropping some of her bravado, she inquired, "... What is it a good spot for?"
Trunks grinned with one whole side of his face with a lopsided smile as he teased, "I wanted to give you a surprise."
Pan waited, still unsure of Trunks' plan, and wondering again if perhaps he was planning a prank after all, "Okay…?"
Trunks took out his capsule, looking eager and anticipatory. Pan could see from his smug grin that he had been waiting for this moment. She suddenly wasn't sure she wanted to know what this might be. For all she knew, Trunks was about to have a toy snake spring up at her as a prank.
Trunks tossed his capsule to the grass.
Pan tensed and squeezed her eyes closed, ready for a "surprise" to lunge at her.
-POOF-
After nothing attacked her, Pan opened one eye, and then both, as her eyes widened in surprise.
On the grass before her lay a blue and white "CC" logo picnic blanket with on open wicker basket with wrapped sandwiches, and small containers of different fruits, such as green grapes and figs. A long plate of vegetables included sliced carrots and celery with a side bowl of ranch dressing, cubed cheeses, and a variety of olives, and pickled vegetables to snack on.
Pan was astonished and gasped as she brought her hands to her cheeks. She stared down at the smorgasbord in disbelief, "Trunks, did you do all this?"
"Well," Trunks smiled as he gestured with his right hand to the blanket, "Giru might have helped out a little. But… Surprise! I thought it would be nice to have a picnic."
Pan kept her hands on her cheeks as her astonished gaze turned upward to Trunks.
Trunks' hand swept to the side as he continued, "I wanted to take advantage of the blue sky and pretty views. Plus, it's really nice to be outside. I wanted to share this moment with you."
Pan's hands shifted to cover her mouth as her eyes sparkled and misted, "This… is amazing. Nobody's ever done anything like this for me before."
With his hand still outreached, Trunks took her right hand with his and led her onto the blanket, "Well, there's a first time for everything. I wanted to do something special for you. I'm just sorry it couldn't be an even bigger display."
Pan couldn't even register that Trunks was holding her hand. She felt like her whole head was spinning, and wondered again if this might be some kind of joke, or prank. She didn't understand this kindness from him.
She barely registered as he got her to sit down on the blanket. Suddenly, all the food was so much closer to her, and all of it was from Trunks…
"This is perfect…" Pan sniffed, not even understanding why she wanted to cry, when she was so happy. "This is more than anything I could have asked for." She teared up and choked out, "T-This means s-so much to me."
Trunks let go of her hand, reeling back a bit as if he had accidentally hurt her, "Are you crying?"
Pan was unable to hold back as sob as she hitched, "T-this is the n-nicest thing you've ever done for me."
Pan brought both of her hands to her face, using the bottoms of her palms to brush away the tears from her eyes. She felt a little foolish for being so emotional, after being assaulted by a fish, and then getting surprised with a picnic, but she couldn't stop her feelings from flowing. She never could have expected this.
Trunks crossed his legs as he adjusted his seat on the blanket. "Well… I'd like to see it as the first of many things…" He looked down at his hands, that rested on his lap, and began to fiddle with his nails as he admitted a little bashfully, "I wanted to… express to you… how I feel. And I know that I'm bad at expressing my feelings in words."
Pan looked again at all the food in front of them, realizing that all of this was real.
As the significance of his gift and offering dawned on Pan, her lips turned into a soft smile as she sniffed, "This is perfect. Thank you, Trunks."
She reached for a green grape, with growing delight in her eyes.
Trunks watched her with a reserved smile as his cheeks grew a little pink. "I'm glad you like it. I wasn't sure what you wanted, so I kind of included a bit of everything." He looked at the display of food and he started to sound a little more nervous as he spoke, "I also wasn't sure if Goku would be here, so I had Giru prep a lot more than I know we'll eat…"
"Ohhhh, I could eat this," Pan scanned the offerings, and then picked up a fig as she felt her spirits lighten, "This is better than I ever could have wished for."
Trunks looked up for reassurance, slightly timidly, "... You like it?"
Pan stuffed the whole fig in her mouth, "I wub ip."
As Pan chewed, they looked at each other for a lasting moment with gentle smiles of acknowledgement. By the time Pan swallowed, all of her earlier emotions had shifted into pure joy. She beamed at Trunks, and her eyes sparkled.
Trunks took that as his cue to reach for some fruit, and for a long moment of comfortable silence, they ate side by side, looking out to the garden knoll around them. They were the only ones at the top of the hill, and even though many people walked through the hospital wings around them, they felt as if they were sharing the moment alone, with just the two of them in the world.
The atmosphere was relaxed and filled with the sounds of nature. Pan enjoyed the food with a soft smile dancing on the sides of her lips.
After another comfortable moment, Pan reached into the picnic basket and pulled out a sandwich. It had shredded leftover duck meat and a hoisin sauce, and somehow worked really well on soft white bread, as if it were a bao bun.
Munching a little bit, Pan brought the sandwich down and looked at Trunks, feeling thankful, but also feeling shocked, and unsure of what Trunks was really trying to say.
Pan broke the silence as she confessed, "You really surprised me, you know."
"Yeah?" Trunks chewed on a cube of spicy cheese and chuckled a bit, "I wanted to make you happy."
"You did," she said gently, looking at all the food again, "This means a lot to me, Trunks. I didn't think… you felt something like this." She felt a little humbled as she admitted, "You never did, before."
Trunks picked up a napkin and wiped his hands as he looked down thoughtfully, "Well… things change. And I've… changed my mind about something." He looked up to the moons in the sky, and continued a little reminiscently, "... And now that I've changed my mind, I have a new perspective on some things. And… I wanted to tell you something - I mean, what's on my mind."
Pan watched him expectantly, waiting for him to continue. When a moment passed, and it was clear that he was taking his time, she prompted, "Yeah?"
Trunks looked to the side and crumpled the napkin in his hand, forming it into a ball as he said aloud, "After what we went through earlier today, I don't want to wait. For all I know, this could be the last moment we ever get together."
Something about the way he said that bothered her.
"Don't say that," she said pointedly as she corrected him, "This is the first of many moments ahead."
"I know," Trunks looked down, seeming unsure of himself for a moment, "But, just in case everything blows up… I want you to know, now… from my heart…"
There was another lingering silence as Pan watched Trunks in anticipation. A thousand words fluttered through her imagination as she filled in the words for him - and it was everything from good, to bad, to terrible. She didn't know what to expect.
When it was clear that he was stalling again, Pan could barely contain herself. She felt like her heart was pounding out of her chest with all the potential things he could be confessing right now.
She couldn't wait any longer, and she urged him to continue, "What… do you want me to know?"
Trunks looked thoughtful, and a little absent. His eyes looked humbled, and strangely intimidated, as if the words within his mind were daunting, and he was hesitant to say them.
The way that Trunks was looking into Pan's eyes, it seemed like he was looking past her, into a memory that played across his vision. She wasn't sure if he was looking at her, or some idea of her. She was still confused as to how to interpret Trunks' behavior, and the meaning of his "surprise" picnic.
"I don't know where to start," Trunks confessed, and it became clear that he was lost in his thoughts.
Pan wanted to help him, but she could only offer rudimentary advice. With a hopeful tone, Pan suggested, "How about… at the very beginning?"
Trunks looked down, thoughtful, "The very beginning…" He considered another chain of thoughts, "… Okay. I can start there."
Pan felt a flicker of joy, knowing she was able to help him, in whatever little way she could. She looked down at his left hand, which he planted on the blanket as he leaned onto his left side, with his legs still crossed.
Trunks took a breath, and looked at Pan, then back to his lap, before he exhaled.
With another breath, Trunks began.
"Since the start of my life, even as a baby… I have seen incredible things. I've seen more than what most people have ever seen, even gods and demons alike…"
Pan waited with bated breath, hanging on every word.
"I have been in awe before, and I thought those days of being entranced like that were behind me," Trunks mused aloud, "But, I was wrong."
"Oh yeah?"
"Like…" Trunks sat up a bit and extended his legs, looking down at his hands by his thighs as he continued, "I always thought one of the most amazing things that I ever witnessed was when Goku turned Super Saiyan 3."
Pan was surprised. "What? Really? Out of everything?" She blinked, "Just Super Saiyan 3?"
Trunks twitched his eyebrows upward for a moment in silent acknowledgement of her surprise as he shrugged and kept looking down.
"It was… personally significant to me. I had just turned eight at the time, and I had never experienced anything like that."
"Really?" Pan found that hard to believe, immediately thinking about Vegeta.
As if Trunks could read her mind, he added, "Before that, my dad had trained me to sustain myself against a Super Saiyan 2's power… and I never thought there was anything beyond that level. My dad always made it clear what the goal was to defeat."
Pan could only half-register his words as she tried to envision how Vegeta's Super Saiyan 2 form couldn't have also impressed Trunks when he was young. She thought aloud, "Really…"
"But when Goku went Super Saiyan 3…" Trunks went on, "I knew there was so much more than what my dad had. My dad never had that kind of power. I had been trained to fight Super Saiyan 2, and all of it suddenly felt so meaningless."
The word didn't make sense to Pan. "Meaningless…?"
"But…" Trunks looked down as he continued, with a stern look in his eyes that stared beyond the blanket, "When Goku displayed that power, it was also like a shining ray of hope… to know that there was someone out there who could be a hero like that."
Pan sat silently watching Trunks, feeling confused.
"… That he would be able to save me. That there was someone who could finally go up against my dad. And all the heat could be taken off of me, and my dad's obsessive need for me to be more powerful than Gohan."
Pan shook her head, unsure if she was hearing right, "More powerful than Papa? What do you mean?"
What he was saying didn't make any sense at all. Why would Trunks ever want to fight her Papa? And why would Vegeta ever want something like that? Surely, Trunks was mistaken.
She must have looked as confused as she felt. Trunks looked up at her and faltered a little bit, seemingly taken aback. Either that, or he was trying to figure out his next words. Pan wasn't sure just how much to believe.
"Goku used to be dead, Pan," Trunks emphasized, as if she had to be reminded, "He was gone for my entire childhood."
That thought immediately irked Pan, who had just picked up a grape. Holding it up, she sternly also reminded him, "He was gone for my entire childhood, too."
"Then you know what it's like," Trunks looked her pointedly in the eyes, "But it was worse. You grew up without your Grandpa. Goten grew up without a dad. And I…" Trunks paused a moment, as if to consider his words, and then continued slowly, "... I also grew up without a dad."
Pan was taken aback, and turned the grape in her hand, "What are you talking about? Vegeta never left."
Trunks watched her as his expression grew thoughtful and inquisitive.
As his gaze lingered on her, Pan chewed on her grape, but paid no mind to it, as she wondered what Trunks was thinking.
As Pan ate, Trunks opened his mouth as if he had an idea of what to say, and then just as quickly seemed to release the thought. And then, after another moment, he seemed to work up another thought, but the moment he opened his mouth, he shut it again.
It was clear that whatever he was thinking was complicated, and difficult for him to word. Pan gave him his space as she broke eye contact and turned her eyes to their jug of orange juice beside a couple glasses. She poured juice in each cup, as an offer to him.
He brought his knees up and leaned forward. He tucked his left arm under his knees to hold his legs as he picked up the glass of orange juice. And then, for a lasting moment, he just stared at the glass of juice, as if he could discern some kind of image, or memory.
When Trunks spoke, his voice was a little distant as he absently stared into his juice glass, "How much do you really know about me, Pan?"
Pan wasn't sure how to answer that. She was pretty sure she knew everything.
She held up her own glass of orange juice, turning it in her palms as she suddenly lost her confidence. She answered, unsurely, "... A lot?"
Trunks watched his glass as he mused aloud, "Did you know I was born a bastard?"
"Uhh…" Pan put the glass down, suddenly uncomfortable, "I wouldn't put it that way…" She frowned, "Papa told me your parents got married after Majin Buu. But… I figured they were together before that, because of you."
Trunks shook his head, staring at his glass, "I was an accident." He gazed into the orange pulp swirls as he mused, "They never planned me."
Pan wasn't sure where Trunks was going with this, but she was confident in the outcome of everything. "So…? Your dad honored it. He stuck around for you."
Trunks shook his head and put down his glass, staring beyond it on the blanket, "He didn't stick around for me. I don't know what he stayed for. I think…" He continued to stare beyond the blanket, "... On this trip, I've started to believe maybe it was for the food."
"The food?" Pan was confused again.
"... The fact that we eat meat on Earth. Maybe it was to avoid judgment on planets that suspected his true nature…" Trunks began to pick at his nails, even though they were already clean, "At least… my mom was pretty blind to it. She saw only what she wanted to see, and it kept her happy."
Pan wasn't used to seeing Trunks look this way. By the way he was cowering in his posture, he looked small, and insecure.. Something he was thinking about was bringing down his confidence level.
Pan felt lost. "What do you mean?"
Trunks shrugged, "Sometimes I think my mom chose my dad because she imagined he could be more like…" He trailed off, and looked down the hill in the direction of Goku.
Pan was still confused, unable to gain any clarity from his hesitation, "I don't understand."
"I think… my mom thought that Saiyans, by their nature had a soft side. And… truthfully… she was right," Trunks shrugged as he continued, "... But… it took a really long time for my dad to get to that point. And honestly… I think he's still... volatile. There are still some things that I don't think I can ever talk to him about."
This intrigued her.
Seeking some clarity, Pan urged him to explain, "Like… what kinds of things?"
Trunks was silent as he searched for his words. He looked at Pan, looking like he wanted to say something, but then stopped and looked down again, continuing to ponder his response.
When he spoke, he treaded carefully with his words, "When Goku used to be dead … my dad was… different." He looked to the side as he continued, "I think he had lost his meaning for a while, and he tried to live through me. When he trained me, he expected me to overcome my own limits." He then paused again, and spoke slowly, with careful wording, "It was enough to push me to become a Super Saiyan by eight years old."
Pan already knew that story, and picked up an olive, "Yeah, you and Uncle Goten were prodigies in that."
"No, Pan." Trunks corrected and turned his eyes to her with a look of urgency, "It didn't come naturally to me, like it did for Goten."
Pan just watched him as Trunks swallowed, and then continued, "I heard that my Future self became a Super Saiyan when he was a teenager… and that was in a timeline where he needed to become a Super Saiyan at a young age. So… you'd think that with me being the same person, I should have been in my teens, at my earliest . But… in this timeline… I transformed into a Super Saiyan at eight years old…"
Pan just watched him, unsure of where he was trying to go with this.
Trunks waited for a moment, as if he were waiting for Pan to ask some kind of question. Pan wasn't sure what he wanted her to ask.
"I was one year younger than your dad, Gohan was when he first turned Super Saiyan," Trunks added, as if that would help her understand what question he was expecting from her.
Pan didn't know where he was going with his point, so she didn't want to interrupt. It was clear that Trunks was trying to tell her something, and she was just confused and blindsided by this whole topic, and why it seemed to be important to Trunks for some reason.
"My dad was happy about that, by the way," Trunks continued. "By me becoming a Super Saiyan at an age younger than your dad, he felt he'd won a battle, vicariously through me."
Pan was impressed, but also was afraid to say something that could be triggering. Trunks could explode at any time when he got this way.
"That sounds like incredible training…" Pan said carefully "... that you could do that."
"It wasn't incredible, Pan," Trunks asserted as he shifted his position to extend his legs again, "It was really tough." He leaned back on his elbows to gaze at the sky, "After Goku died when I was a baby, my dad said that he trained harder than ever." He paused as his eyes followed a wispy cloud, and said with lowered breath, "What I experienced was like training for war."
Pan extended her feet out, and leaned back to watch the sky for a moment. She sighed and shrugged, "Tough love kinda parent, huh?"
"No," Trunks shook his head slowly and kept his eyes on the cloud, "He felt no love for me or my mom. Before Buu, things were a lot different with him."
Pan watched a white bird glide by in the sky, "But at least he stuck around for you. And he turned out to be a super dad."
"You were born after he became a super dad. There was a whole chapter you don't know - a gap - a…. hole in your understanding. And I'm telling you now - in that hole, I was a young boy who didn't really have a father figure."
Pan must have looked as confused as she felt.
"There was no one I really looked up to," Trunks continued. "I was simply told to look up to my dad, so I did."
Pan watched as Trunks lay back fully, lying down on his side of the picnic blanket as he kept his expressionless gaze on the sky.
"And then there was your dad, Gohan," Trunks reminisced. "Goten always looked up to him so he became a bit of a role model to me, despite my dad... But in terms of power..." Trunks breathed in, lost in his memory, "... until Goku came back, my dad was the most powerful man I ever knew."
Pan followed Trunks' lead and lay back fully to look up at the four moons.
"But truthfully…" Trunks continued, "I think I looked up to my dad because I was told to. My mom saw the best in him, so I tried to see it too. But no matter what his power level, he never left me in awe." He paused, and said slowly, "When he powered up… he only left me in fear."
Pan knew that Vegeta could be intimidating, and tried to imagine what kind of person he used to be before she was born.
"But Goku…" Trunks continued with a brighter tone, "when he turned Super Saiyan 3, and I felt his power, even from a distance… I finally started to see why Gohan had chosen to be a superhero. Because even he had something to be in awe about."
Pan turned her head to look at Trunks, and was surprised to see that his eyes were wet and teary.
Trunks breathed and as he exhaled, he recalled, "That day, I learned that there were good people out there with a power so great that it could shake an entire galaxy."
Pan admittedly had never seen a Super Saiyan 3 before.
If her Grandpa Goku had shown her, she had been too young to remember it. She could only surmise what the form looked like based on stories from her family. But, from how Trunks was describing it, it sounded like an incredible power to experience, and since he was still impressed with it all these years later, it must have been a really formative memory for him.
"That was the first time I ever saw such an incredible power," Trunks reflected back as he spoke toward the sky, "And from that point, I have seen incredible displays of energy. I have witnessed battles of legends. But I never felt the same kind of awe again that I felt that first day I ever met Goku…"
Trunks turned his head to face Pan, and his eyes locked on hers with a sudden intensity as he spoke directly to her, "But… you... What you did back there… I still feel like I'm in shock over it. I don't even know how to explain what I saw."
Pan wasn't even sure how to explain what he saw. Since that moment, she had privately tried to tap into her power, but when she tried to reach for it, it wasn't there. She didn't know what she needed to do in order to find it again.
"For a moment…" Trunks kept his eyes on her, though they seemed a little unfocused, as if he were looking beyond her, "... you had enough power to combust an entire solar system, if not more." He breathed and admitted, "I saw that kind of power from Gohan before, but not like that."
Trunks paused and then turned his head back to the sky as he relived the moment in his memories, "It was as if you had awakened a different level. You had broken through your own limits. Just like Goku, you raised the bar, and I realize there's a whole new world of power at your fingertips, whenever you wish."
Pan kept her eyes on him as she weakly confessed, "I don't know what I did, Trunks."
Trunks closed his eyes and shook his head. "In some ways, that doesn't even matter. Whatever you did do, I'm in awe."
Pan didn't know what to say. She again tried to reach inside herself for that strange power, but it was gone, as if it had never been there. There weren't even ashes inside her mind to try to rekindle; it all felt like a distant dream.
Trunks opened his eyes, and then turned his head to face Pan as his left cheek brushed the blue blanket. "And… I remembered something… something deep in me, that I forgot for a really long time."
Lying there, as both of them looked into each other while lying down, Pan searched his eyes, trying to read his expression, "What?"
His eyes also searched hers as he confessed, "You… inspire me to want to be a hero again."
His words were unexpected. Pan had never worked through any thought, even in her wildest imagination, that Trunks could say something like that to Pan, and to that degree.
She didn't know how to react. Her wide eyes felt blank behind the curtains; she was speechless, and she wasn't sure why her heart was racing as fast as it was.
She flushed, and blushed in a way she had never felt before. She wasn't sure what this was… She had never been… flattered… before.
Pan sat up, suddenly feeling a little shy as pink continued to spread on her cheeks.
Trunks also sat up a bit, leaning on his left arm as he watched her, and elaborated, "You inspire me to want to be better… and to inspire others."
Pan raked her right hand through her bangs, parting her hair through her fingers as she murmured, "Gods… Trunks…"
Trunks fully sat up, and turned so he was seated, but facing her on the blanket. He spoke with his hands as he gestured to her, and then to the sky, "You're amazing, Pan. What you did back there - that was legendary. It left me with a memory of you - an image of you that I can't unsee."
Pan felt strangely timid as she curiously asked, "What memory?"
Trunks looked at his hands and pondered, "You know when you think of someone, you get a mental image in your mind?"
Pan looked up a moment, trying to think of how she'd picture her family members, and their faces, "Uhh… I think so."
"It could be their face, or a memory, or maybe a feeling, but there's something you recall about them first."
Pan looked at Trunks, curious where he was going with this thought, "Yeah?"
Trunks gestured down the hill, "Like with Goku, I think of him as an adult, with the power of Super Saiyan 3."
Pan bit her lips with intrigue as she inquired, "What about for me?"
Trunks continued to look down the hill, staring absently in the direction of Goku as he thought aloud, "That's the thing - I never had that for you, before. Or rather, I did picture you - but as a four year old in the Budokai Tournament."
As a four year old.
Pan suddenly felt herself go rigid inside, as she heard herself react, "What?!"
"When you beat Goten," Trunks continued to reminisce, looking down the hill toward Goku, "I think of how I held up your arm as a champ. Remember that?"
Pan was appalled.
This was her husband! And he looked at her as a four year old!
All of this set-up, all her emotions, everything that she had been feeling, had been swept away and burned at once.
She was suddenly so angry that she couldn't even put it into words. She was beyond anger; it felt almost like a betrayal, that Trunks could so casually think of her as a four year old.
She just couldn't believe it. She didn't even know how to begin to feel all kinds of upset feelings. She just wanted to hurl something at him.
"Are you serious?!" Pan was so enraged deep down, that could barely make out her words over her inner voice that screamed "How dare he!" over and over in her mind, "You think of me as a little kid?!"
Trunks heard the fury in her voice, and looked back at her. His tone was defensive as he tried to clarify, "No - just, I would think of that. That's how I… would recall you."
"So you would think of me as a little girl," Pan stated spitefully as she held in her rage.
"That was before," Trunks clarified, "That was my lasting impression of you - when I felt like I could understand your personality, and who you were. I always thought you were that Pan."
Pan didn't even know where to start with the words she wanted to hurl at Trunks.
She was still so in shock that she wasn't even angry. She was still so torn and hurt, so deeply, that she couldn't even fathom what kind of pain she was supposed to be in right now.
She was confused, and frustrated. And Trunks couldn't see it at all. She didn't know what to do.
"That's not fair." Pan felt a well of emotion stir inside her as she tried to process her feelings, "How would you feel if I only saw you as who you used to be back then?"
"Honestly?" Trunks watched her expression, but seemed to have no remorse. "I prefer the person I used to be. I'd rather you remember who I was back then."
His words made no sense to her. Pan didn't know what to make of his words as she asked, "What do you mean?"
Trunks broke eye contact and looked down to his lap as he half-shrugged, "I've spent a long time trying to forget who I became since then."
Pan frowned, unsure of his meaning. "That's a weird thing to say…
"I think I got lost for a long time," Trunks continued. "I feel I became a corporate puppet, and somewhere along the way, I lost my soul."
Lost his soul…
That also didn't make sense to Pan. She absentmindedly touched her left hand, where her wedding band was always warm to the touch, even under her cropped gloves.
"I don't think you lost your soul, Trunks," Pan said slowly, looking down to her hand, as she felt her earlier anger dissipate "I just think you just lost your way."
She could see from her peripheral vision that Trunks shook his head as he countered, "I lost the people in my life who meant the most to me."
Pan looked up into his eyes and gazed deeply, as she reassured him, "You didn't lose anyone, Trunks. You just haven't reached out for anyone."
Trunks just watched her with an expressionless face, as if he were processing his own words, "I didn't reach out because I pushed people away."
Pan opened her mouth to argue with him… but then realized he told the truth. In a way, she felt a little proud of him for realizing it on his own.
Pan licked her bottom lip as she looked in his eyes and then looked down to his chest, staring beyond it as she acknowledged how Trunks tended to seclude himself, and lashed out whenever she tried to reach for him, "Yeah… you did."
She could see his chest breathe inward and then constrict as Trunks thought for a moment, clearly processing a thought.
"I actually…" Trunks started, "... That brings me to another point that I wanted to discuss." He hesitated, and then spoke with emphasis as he declared, "Actually - it's more of the main point I wanted to talk about."
Pan slowly registered his words, feeling a little confused as to what could be a "main point."
She felt like they had already covered a tremendous amount, even though it had been so little. Trunks rarely ever opened up like this. He had been more chatty than she could ever remember him being before on their trip. He never… surrendered information like this. So… a main point? What could that possibly be?
Pan returned her gaze to his blue eyes as she prompted him to continue, "... Yeah?"
For a moment, both of their eyes were captivated with an intensity that made Pan's heart feel like a taiko drum in her chest.
"Um…" Trunks seemed to come out of a daze as he looked down, and his expression darkened a bit as his eyes began to well, "Um…."
Pan could only watch in questioning confusion, as she saw Trunks' countenance shift, to appear insecure and suddenly vulnerable.
There was unspoken pain in his eyes.
Pan remained still, and silent, recognizing that Trunks needed a moment to gather his words. Whatever he was about to say, it was something that obviously did not come easily to him. So, Pan did her best to wait patiently for him to address an important issue.
Trunks looked down, and then into her eyes, and then down, and back to her gaze again. She could see the rollercoaster in his mind, just from watching his eyes, alone. And the way that they glistened and misted, it was clear that he was trying his best to conceal his emotions.
After another minute, Trunks adjusted his seated posture to cross his legs again. He looked down at his hands on his lap, as if he didn't know what to do with them. He then looked to the side, and exhaled sharply. As he did so, his right leg began to shake lightly with anxiety.
"Um…" Trunks started again, and turned his eyes back to hers, where he locked his gaze with an immense intensity, "... I wanted… to apologize."
The moment he said the word "apologize," he clearly lost his composure, as his eyes teared up.
Pan felt her head spinning, as the word kept repeating in her head.
She said aloud, as it rang over and over across the expanses of her mind, "... Apologize?"
Trunks wiped a tear from his left eye, and appeared surprised by it. And then he sniffled, and his right eye teared up, and he wiped his face again.
"Gods, I'm sorry," Trunks said with a hint of embarrassment, "I didn't think I'd get emotional."
"There's nothing wrong with emotions," Pan said softly. "But…" She was still confused as she gave him the space to continue, "... What are you apologizing for?"
Trunks sniffed and wiped his eyes with his gloves, breaking his gaze to again look down at his lap as he said slowly, and shamefully, "I… I wanted to apologize for how I treated you throughout this trip."
Pan quickly inhaled and held her breath, with wide eyes. The taiko drum in her chest became a whole drum circle.
Her body pulsed with adrenaline and a joyful energy she couldn't explain. She felt… appreciated.
Trunks brought his eyes up to meet hers again, and his expression was filled with remorse. When he spoke, his tone sounded almost pleading, as if begging for her forgiveness.
"I'm… sorry that I hurt your feelings. I know I could have been better about how I handled things emotionally, but…" Trunks breathed, "I also think I was never in a place before you and Goku came along, where I could… really think through my thoughts."
Pan searched his eyes again, and saw only the truth. He meant his words.
"You gave me a lot of time to think alone, so…"
His wet eyes were genuine.
"... I'm fairly secure in my thoughts and feelings right now, and moving forward..."
He meant every word.
"... And… I wanted to tell you where I stand. Where I'm at, with my feelings… for myself… and for you…"
Pan waited in anticipation, suddenly wondering why Trunks put together this whole picnic. Her mind raced as she looked into his eyes, seeing beyond it, and wondering.
She imagined, and created an entire future for them in her mind, as her heart ran a marathon in her chest. As Trunks spoke, Pan hung onto his every word.
"I'm so sorry that it took so long for me to come around." He continued to look in her eyes, "I've been going through some things, and I think you were right - I lost my way. But… with you…" Trunks looked down to her right gloved hand, which was on the blanket.
Without even questioning her, Trunks reached out and took her right hand.
With her hand in his left glove, he looked again at her and wet his lips before continuing, "... With you, I feel like I'm able to come full circle… And now that I'm here, I'm solid." He brought his right hand to join his left as he gently squeezed. "Not a lot of people know me… but when you're in my circle, you're in."
Pan's heart raced with growing elation, realizing what this meant.
He trusted her.
"And… I think I'm ready to start talking about some things. At least, I'm going to try my best… mainly because…" Trunks continued to look down at her hand within his gloves. "I want you to know who I am." He raised his gaze to hers, "And I want you to know that I can be greater than the man you've known." He paused and added, "I know I can be better, and I wanted to tell you… officially… so there's no doubt."
Pan just watched his face as she absentmindedly asked, "Yeah…?"
"And I want it to start with my apology - because I take it all back."
Pan's mind came back to focus for a moment, as she again felt confused, "Take what back?"
"Everything. Everything I ever said to hurt you." Trunks locked with her gaze, "Anything I ever implied to make you feel smaller than you are. Everything I ever assumed about you - because it was all unfair, and all driven by my own sense of…" Trunks hesitated and looked to the side, "... self-hatred."
Pan was still confused. "Self-hatred?"
"It was never anything you did. I mean -" Trunks cocked his head to the side and looked up as he thought, "- yes, you were a stowaway and yes, you threw us off when you joined us on the trip…" He returned his eyes to hers and straightened his posture, "... but you've been an angel the entire time. You've done your best to try to fit in, and stand out, and prove yourself."
Pan just watched him, encompassed by a strange feeling of being seen.
"You've taken all my blows, and you've never really fought back. And all I've done was project blame, and criticism, and anger. And all of it was my problem, and was toward myself, but I unjustly projected it onto you, and I hurt you instead."
Trunks suddenly teared up again, and wiped his eyes. "And it turns out… I was no better than my dad…"
And then, as if saying those words aloud broke every dam within Trunks, he suddenly shook and became overwhelmed. "In many ways… I think I was w-w-worse..."
As Trunks remained seated on the blanket, he folded in on himself. He brought his knees up, and held himself in a seated fetal position, becoming a ball that he wrapped himself into, crying. "You never deserved that pain. I'm so sorry."
And then his shoulders shook, and he cried into his knees, hiding his face - hiding his emotions as if he were trying to shield himself from Pan, and the rest of the world.
Pan was awed, and concerned. She was speechless. All she could do was say his name, "Trunks…"
As he cried, his body trembled. He looked like he was in agony.
Pan was in shock, hearing his sobs, and felt an ache in her heart, as if she could feel his pain and torment inside the depths of her own soul.
He silently cried and sniffed as the wind went by. Pan wasn't sure what to say, so she waited, and ached for him.
After a few minutes, he seemed to calm a bit, and between sniffs, he simply breathed. His exhales seemed strained, as if he was still having a hard time controlling his emotions. After heavy breathing, he held his breath, and then, with one long exhale, he seemed to gather himself.
He lifted his head, and Pan could see his face was puffy and red from his tears. Despite how he looked so discomposed, his vulnerable eyes somehow made him look even more beautiful.
"I'm sorry I embarrassed you at the reception," Trunks sniffed.
Pan felt her heart leap into her throat. She could only hear her pulse in her ears, and was at a loss for words.
Trunks sniffed again, and then looked up with a frown, "I mean… it was really funny, though…" He returned his eyes to hers, "but I'm sorry…" he looked to the side and then half-laughed as he again sobbed "... e-even though it was really funny…"
Pan rolled her eyes with feigned impatience. Despite all of her frustrations about that memory, she almost felt like she could laugh. She mocked resignation as she shook her head and groaned, as she teased, "What am I going to do with you…"
She reached up and untied her orange bandana from her head.
Without any hesitation, Pan brought her bandana down, and offered it to Trunks.
Trunks looked down at the orange fabric she offered, and sniffed, "What's this for?"
"To wipe your face, doofus." Pan pushed it forward to urge him to take it, "You're a blubbering mess."
Trunks chuckled a bit as he sniffed through some tears. "At least I didn't get a fish in my face."
Pan groaned at his awful humor, "Don't test my kindness!"
Trunks laughed under his breath as he gratefully accepted her orange bandana with an impish grin. He brought it to his face, and wiped his cheeks as Pan wondered how she got matched with this man, even though deep down, she had started to see why.
"All kidding aside, though… I'm sorry I expressed doubt in you coming on the trip," Trunks dropped his grin as he folded the cloth and wiped his cheeks again. After he dried his skin, he lowered her bandana to his lap, and then absentmindedly folded it again as he turned it slowly in his hands.
As he was looking at her bandana, Pan could clearly see from his body language that Trunks was being genuine.
It all felt bizarre to her - this was something she wanted for a long time, and now that he was being honest and open, and truly himself with her, she found it ironic that, in the end, she agreed with his earlier sentiment.
She had only been fighting so hard throughout the trip because Trunks had been right in his criticisms about her all along.
"It's okay for you to have not wanted me here," Pan reassured him. "I know I can't go Super Saiyan. I'll never be as strong as you."
Something in her words made Trunks' eyes spark back to life.
"No, you're wrong." Trunks emphasized. His eyes looked desperate as he reached out to the blanket and covered her right hand with his.
He raised her hand and held it tight. He looked at it for a moment, and then seemed to push past some kind of thought as he looked into her eyes.
Trunks urgently pressed his point, in a reverent tone, "You have strengths that I've never seen - and you give me a feeling that I've never had."
He set down the orange bandana by his side, and then sat up straighter so he could take both her hands in his.
"What I'm trying to say is - what I've been trying to say all along is…" Trunks paused and looked deeply in her eyes, "You've blown me away, Pan. You've left me in awe, more than Goku did at Super Saiyan 3. More than anything I've ever felt."
Pan could feel her feeling of anticipation surge again, as felt the gravity of the moment. "Trunks…"
"And…I feel something… very strong for you." He hesitated, "And…" He hesitated again, "...I think it's okay for me to feel it."
Pan's heart felt like it could burst from her chest as a thousand different thoughts raced through her mind.
Was he about to confess to her?
She suddenly realized that she wasn't prepared for his words - she hadn't thought about it. She didn't know what she could possibly say. This was uncharted territory for her. She had never felt this kind of strange anxiety, wanting him to feel whatever this was, but yet dreading if he did feel that. She didn't know what to do.
"Goku told me something similar, just earlier today, and I wanted you to hear it too."
Pan's head was spinning, and wondering. Her gaze shot down to her hand in both of his, and then back to his eyes.
Everything suddenly felt so hot around her. She was a little faint from anticipation and excitement as she hung on his words.
"I'm proud of you," Trunks spoke from his heart as he gazed in her eyes, "But more than that… I'm proud to be married to you."
Pan's eyes widened, "What…"
He squeezed her hand, as his confidence seemed to rise, and said in an awed tone, "You give me pride, in every way." He paused, "And it's a lot of ways. I feel a lot of pride right now.
Pan could feel waves of joy rise within her, as she felt similar pride. She was proud of him, for being able to understand this kind of feeling - to acknowledge that pride could be for the sake of others, too.
"As a friend - no, as a man, that hits hard … right here." Trunks pulled his right hand away to beat his fist at his chest, twice. -thook thook-
"... But it's even deeper than reaching my heart." He continued, "This kind of pride, as a Saiyan…" Trunks looked down at his fist, which he opened to a curled palm. He powered up his ki, and channeled it into his palm to create a small blue glowing light.
Trunks then closed fist around the blue light, as if he had captured it, as he continued "... It makes me feel empowered. I feel like I can do anything, if I'm with you."
Pan knitted her brow upward, in a frown that also spoke to how touched she felt inside.
She was unfamiliar with this feeling. She somehow felt a bit like the bubbles and sea foam that floated on top of his current, as Trunks navigated through his thoughts.
"And I realize… you give me hope." Trunks brought his right hand back to join their clasped hands. "You give me hope that I can overcome anything, even if odds are stacked against me. Because…" His blue eyes pierced hers, looking straight into her soul as he confessed aloud, "I know that you would persist…"
And then Trunks seemed to doubt himself, and did a tight shake of his head as he corrected himself, "No..." He squeezed his eyes, and then reopened them to stare intently into hers, with admiration in his eyes, "... Because I know that you would persevere."
Pan paused, feeling mystified. She marveled at him for a moment - with his puffy, rosy cheeks, and his wet, glistening eyes, and his slightly-tangled hair that blew in the breeze. Now that he looked a little different, she could see what all the other girls saw. He was stunning, gorgeous on the outside, especially when his walls were down, and he was pure hearted and good.
She saw him as beautiful inside and out. She never saw the inside part like this before. He had grown, and he was proving that to her.
His words blanketed her, and the look in his eyes strangely comforted her. She didn't know why, but he was making her feel emotional in ways that surprised her.
As she gazed into his teary face, she could feel her own tears well in the corners of her eyes. She felt like if she said anything, her own dam would break, and she'd lose control of her waterworks.
She felt her chest clench, and she sniffed. Her expression contorted as if she were in pain as she held back her tears.
She didn't know why she was suddenly so sad. She didn't think she was supposed to feel sad.
It was confusing. Sniffling a bit, she pulled her right hand free, keeping her left hand holding his as she wiped her face again.
Trunks squeezed her left hand in his, and the gentle action felt like a wave crashing against her dam. He spoke again, under his breath, in a remorseful tone, "I'm sorry."
She didn't know why he was apologizing now. He probably thought he said something that upset her. But she didn't know why she was crying.
She never expected Trunks to ever apologize to her, for anything. She had never seen him like this ever before. He usually channeled his feelings into a swirling temper. He never allowed himself to look wounded, or pained…
… Except that one time… in the reflection room…
She remembered the taste of the grassy water that came up from her lungs. She remembered how desperate Trunks had looked - like he had been crying. It all seemed like a blurry dream to her…
But the taste from her lungs was real. She had inhaled water. But she had been okay, because he… he…
In that moment, Pan realized that she had her own growing to do.
It was Pan's turn to step up to the plate. After all, if Trunks was willing to apologize… then there was something that she also needed to get off her chest.
Pan looked down, to their hands, as she said in a resigned tone, "I want to apologize for something, too."
Trunks watched her with a confused, and curious expression.
She sniffed, "I've been meaning to, but… there wasn't really a time before. I mean… I don't know."
Trunks just watched her, with a questioning look.
Pan looked up to his eyes, and darted her eyes away before returning them to his gaze, "I meant to… thank you."
Trunks frowned and raised his brows questioningly, "…Thank me?"
"… For… saving my life."
Trunks blinked, and seemed caught off guard. "Where, with that star?" His eyes widened, and he urgently shook his head while keeping his eyes locked on hers, "What I did back there, that paled compared to your pow-"
"-No, I mean-" Pan cut him off and then rolled her eyes quickly in correction of herself, "I'm sorry… I mean… before . In the reflection room …" She watched his eyes with a misty gaze, "...You saved my life."
Trunks watched her as his eyebrows twitched a bit. His silence carried a thousand thoughts from behind his eyes, "..."
Pan watched him, and added, "… In the water…"
His eyes watched hers. "Yeah…"
Her eyes watered, "… You were my hero."
Suddenly, the words hit home, and Pan understood the significance of them, on so many levels, and it made her heart ache.
Trunks smiled reminiscently, and squeezed her hand.
Pan cried silent tears, and brought her left hand to meet this, so they were holding both hands.
She inhaled sharply, with a shaky chest as she weakly admitted, "I w-would've d-drowned if you hadn't s-saved me."
Her breaths hitched again, as she tried to fight back a sob she couldn't understand.
Trunks broke his hands away, and reached behind his neck, as he reassured her with flushed cheeks, "I'm sure you would've been okay…" He hesitated and trailed off, "I mean…"
Pan sniffed and looked determinedly at him, "Y-You know I c-could have died."
Trunks' gaze was soft as his hands worked behind his neck, and he he agreed, "... Yeah."
"But, you saved my life."
Trunks untied his blue bandana, and brought his right hand down with the cloth.
"… I did." Trunks offered her his bandana, "Here."
Pan gratefully took his token of affection, and smiled a bit at the irony that they had exchanged their bandanas to be used as handkerchiefs.
It was laughable. She never never could have imagined this day would come.
She half-sobbed as she laughed, "I feel so silly."
"It's okay."
She rubbed her eyes with his bandana, "I'm sorry I didn't thank you before. I was feeling angry, and emotional, and… and…" She swallowed and hitched a breath again, "I-I thought that if I t-told you what you wanted to hear, you were just going to be mean to me."
"What?" Trunks looked concerned, and a little hurt, "Why would you think that?"
Pan ached at the memory. She felt so bullied and so used. "Because of how you treated me at the reception." She then corrected herself, "No… it was more than that. I wouldn't have jumped like that, into the water, if you hadn't embarrassed me at the reception."
Trunks sighed resignedly, "I embarrassed you because you had forced that kiss on me after our wedding…"
Pan looked down at the blue bandana she scrunched in her hands, "I know. I'm sorry." She brought the cloth back to her eyes to wipe them, "I was angry because you refused to kiss me at the altar…"
Trunks sighed deeply and looked down at his own hands. He picked up Pan's bandana from the blanket and unfolded it in his hands absentmindedly as he said regretfully, "I know… If I could rewind and redo everything, especially knowing what I know now, I would have done it right."
"Well…" Pan looked at all the food they never got around to eating as she mused, "I wish I could have done things right, too." Pan paused for a moment, then elaborated, "Like telling you how I feel about you being my hero. I wanted to thank you. So, um…"
As Pan spoke, she looked in his eyes, and her cheeks brightened to a bashful shade of pink as she blushed "… Thank you … for saving my life."
Trunks reached out and took her hand again. And with a smile that Pan truly believed was filled with gratitude and humility, he said in a reminiscent tone, as if reflecting on his destiny, "And thank you.. for saving mine."
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–A: 7/08/24–
–F: 7/23/24–
A/N: You're all caught up with where I am by July 2024! Please Fav and Follow this story, or leave a Review or to show your support! I love hearing your thoughts!
If you're looking for more to read from this story as I work on the next chapter, I encourage you to check out this story's prequel, Dancing with Strings (available in my profile!)