CHAPTER 25:
Before & After
The sky was serene and blue, peeking between the rustling leaves of the tree that Trunks and Pan lay beside, on top of the green Courtyard hill.
The empty containers of their picnic food had long been recapsulated. Pan's white water bottle stood at the center of the blanket, the only barrier between them, as they lay facing up on each side of the large blue and white picnic blanket.
After they had finished their small meal, they had begun to cloud watch for a while, until Trunks put his arm up over his eyes to block out the light, and then had gotten quiet. Eventually, his breathing began to steady, and Pan realized that he had fallen asleep.
Pan didn't try to wake him. She knew how exhausted he was after running on little-to-no sleep, and he needed his rest.
She envied his ability to fall asleep just about anywhere. Pan wished she could also drift off into a nap, but despite how fatigued she felt, she couldn't slow her active mind, which was overflowing with thoughts that were tangled in a complex web of emotions as she reflected on everything that had led her and Trunks to this moment… when he could so comfortably fall asleep beside her.
It felt warm, and like home to be so close to him, and to hear him breathe. Each of his breaths kept reminding her of their perilous moment earlier that day when she had almost lost him.
With him safely beside her, it almost felt like everything that had transpired had just been a bad dream. And during that nightmare, she had experienced emotions caught up in the moment.
At the time, she hadn't had the time to process everything she had felt. But even though some time had passed, and her heartbeat had long-since settled… the feelings she felt then, she still felt now. It surprised her that her feelings never went away.
She felt proud of him, and immensely appreciative. And she also recognized how Trunks had come a long way in opening himself to her - enough for her to realize, at this point, that there were many more layers to him that she had never seen, or known about before.
She really thought she had known him well, and that he was easily understood. All of his history and actions were explainable, and most of it was even experienced alongside her own family. For many years in her mind, Trunks was a bit of a flat character - just a gag friend, like a comic book character, beside her uncle, who liked to get in trouble and stir the pot with jokes and pranks that sometimes got him into more trouble than his own good.
He was easy to understand that way. It was easy to label him as bullheaded, with that mindset. And all of his actions since she made her judgment simply validated her viewpoint of him.
But…when Trunks asked her how much she really knew about him, it was a sign that he doubted her understanding of him. Why else would he have asked something like that?
At the time, she had truly thought she knew just about everything there was to know about him except for some minor details… But now, she acknowledged that maybe she had gotten him wrong.
Now that she started to get a glimpse of his true self, she realized just how complex Trunks really was… to the point that she started to wonder if maybe even her own family had gotten him wrong.
She didn't know how to think about him. Within the last day alone, she felt like the story that she was building with Trunks had been tossed into a giant plot twist.
She kept thinking back to his words, about mental images, and how he used to view her before today. At first, she was upset that he'd even dare to bring up how he still saw her as a child… But as Pan watched Trunks breathe softly in his sleep, and the wind rustled his growing bangs, she realized that she also had a younger mental image of him…
…Or rather, she had two younger mental images of him…
Watching his sleeping face, Pan saw both versions of Trunks at once - a Before … and an After.
She wasn't sure what changed him from his "Before" version to his "After" version… but she was determined to rise up to the challenge of figuring him out.
In her Before image of Trunks, many memories of his smiling face all rolled into one, and almost all of them also included her Uncle Goten.
Before whatever changed him, Trunks used to be wild, and fun, and free, and jocular. He used to laugh and play, and never took anything too seriously. He was a superhero and a family friend, often dragging her Uncle Goten into a bunch of capers together.
It was simply common for her family to roll their eyes about Trunks' behavior. They all knew he was a good guy at heart. So when she thought of Trunks from before… she thought of him as a superhero, X-1, playing Comet Crash at her birthday party, and literally crashing into her pizza table and getting covered in food.
In her Before image, Trunks showed that even superheroes could be hilariously defeated by cheese and tomato sauce.
Back then, Trunks was actually funny, and lighthearted. His positivity and lust for adventure were contagious. His eyes were bright and happy, and he was always smiling.
But… then Trunks went away to college. And after that, Pan stopped seeing Trunks smile for a while.
… And then after that… by his final year of college… it was after something. He had changed. It was hard to place a finger on what was different about Trunks, but in his After image, he had grown colder, and more isolated.
It was difficult to see the change happening in real-time. Even though Pan saw Trunks on a fairly weekly basis on Fridays when he took his late lunch break in his own residential Capsule Corporation kitchen, she was still too close to him to be able to step back and notice the change in him for what it was.
His transformation over the years had been so gradual, that Pan never gained any new mental image of him. Even though he had arguably become a totally different person, she still had pictured Trunks as the kind of wild and energetic guy who'd crash into a tower of pizzas and laugh about it.
She had never realized just how dark his world had become. Just from their trip alone, it had taken over half a year, and a forced marriage for him to snap out of his depression and emotional tailspins.
But then… things started getting better, fairly quickly… to the point that she wondered if maybe he never really became a different person. Instead… he might have simply walled himself inside a mental fortress, and had lost himself somewhere in his own mental maze. But… now that he was opening himself up and lowering those walls, maybe he could find his way again.
Even with all of his improvement over the last few days, Pan was a little afraid of accidentally triggering him again. Whatever had driven him into his bitter depression had stemmed from deep-rooted issues that had still never been addressed or solved.
Sure, he was better for now, but whatever those inner demons were, they would mostly likely surface again at some point and continue to haunt him until he actually opened up to Pan about things.
It was clear, even from their hammock experience earlier, that Trunks wanted to tell her things, but got frustrated because he couldn't figure out how.
From that conversation, Pan learned that Trunks wasn't trying to run from his issues; he just didn't know how to combat and overcome them alone.
Pan had thought for a long time that Trunks simply embraced his newfound assholish and isolated nature as his identity, but the closer Pan got to him, the clearer it became that he had been trying on his own, for a long time, to be better. He just didn't have anyone else to help him find the way. It also didn't help him that he was too proud to even reach for help. Sometimes, his Saiyan pride could get in his own way.
She was surprised with herself, that she never connected the dots before that Trunks needed someone by his side in order to shine brightest. No matter what age or action, whether it was to impress a girl, or to do superhero stunts and poses, he always was at his best when he had a partner. That was just a given, when it came to Trunks.
When he did shine, he was a truly great man, just like how he used to be before… And, the more he opened himself to her now, Pan could clearly see that Trunks was, at heart, still truly very much the same X-1 who she used to adore back when she was little.
Trunks never realized just how much he influenced her, back then - that she had also gotten into Clean God and began to idolize his sidekick Top Mop around the time she was seven, because her Uncle Goten used to sneak off with Trunks to do superhero stuff. She wanted to train and become a cool fighter so she could join them as a superhero one day.
At least… that's what inspired her in the beginning… to want to train with Vegeta, so she could also be a superhero, just like her Papa and Mama… and just like X-1 and X-2.
But then, by the time Pan felt like she was powerful enough to hold her own in battle, her favorite superhero duo had quit… for no reason at all…
"-hhhhh-" Trunks inhaled sharply, and exhaled with an extended "-haaaaaaaa-."
He sniffed, and then groaned softly. He then shifted himself on the blanket to turn his head to the left side, facing her. His eyes were still closed, and shaded by his right arm, still lying over his face.
Listening to his shallow breaths, yet sensing he was awake, Pan soft asked under her breath, "Hey Trunks?"
"Mmm," he responded listlessly.
"You awake?" She asked tentatively, knowing the question sounded silly.
"Mmmm," he moaned under his breath lethargically.
Pan hesitated, and then let her curiosity get the best of her, "Can I ask you something?"
She knew that sounded like dumb question, but for some reason, she felt like she needed a precursor, or permission to ask him personal information. She was afraid of asking any question that could trigger him without warning.
"Mm?" He grunted with a heavy sigh, and turned his head to face upward. He made a guttural moan as he pulled his arm down so only his right palm covered his eyes.
Pan suddenly felt uncomfortable.
In her mind, she battled if she really wanted to ask him personal things. She usually waited until he would volunteer information on his own … but…
If he didn't know how to tell some stories, then at least maybe she could help figure out how to ask about them… And if Trunks truly shined his brightest with a partner, then at least Pan could try to help him out of the darkness, in her own way…
From the short time that he had opened up to her, Pan learned that he was most willing to talk when he was tired. Now that he was lying down, Pan hoped that their lower energy level might also help to lower his guard.
Feeling a little hopeful, Pan sat up and pulled her knees to her chest. She hugged them with her arms, and looked up to the sky.
"Why did you…" she started, looking at a cloud, but then felt like she'd rather look at him. Turning her eyes to his resting form, she tried to think of how she wanted to phrase her question, and stalled, "You know…"
"Mmm?" Trunks peeked up at her from under his shaded palm.
"Um," Pan hesitated, and then suddenly realized that even though her intentions had been good, she hadn't actually been prepared for this moment.
What she really wanted to know was a complicated question that she hadn't yet worded in her mind. All of her thoughts came as a hundred questions at once, and she didn't know where to start.
When she thought more about what question she should ask, she felt the words were underwhelming. But, there wasn't any simpler way to ask it - especially since she knew Trunks' answer might be a bit of a mess.
So, she tried to keep the question as simple and open-ended as she could.
"You told me that I make you want to be a hero again," Pan squeezed her legs for stability, and wondered aloud, "But… why did you stop being X-1?"
After her question, silence lingered in the air.
As the uncomfortable pause continued, Pan felt increasingly anxious about what the silence could mean. She didn't want to ruin their relaxed mood; she had simply hoped that their relaxed mood could help drive the conversation…
While Trunks continued to hesitate with his response, Pan worked up the nerves to turn her head and look at Trunks' expression.
As her eyes met his, she saw that he had dropped his hand, and his blue eyes were expressionless.
From the slightly dazed look in his eyes, she could see he was daydreaming again. He always had a "tell" when he was in his own head. He generally tended to stare off and get silent for a while.
Pan always knew he was a bit of a daydreamer. She had always attributed that part of him as one of his aspects of genius, since she assumed he was dreaming of inventions and other nerdy thoughts. But, she had no idea, until today, that he was literally seeing things when he did that.
For some reason, Trunks had seemed embarrassed about that ability, even though the doctor was probably thinking the same thing as Pan - that it kind of sounded like a superpower. Just learning that fact about Trunks, alone, intrigued her, because… she never realized how humble he actually could be.
He never bragged about it. He never tried to use it as leverage for why he was smarter than her, or better than her. And it made her question, all over again, how much she truly knew him.
The only way to truly understand him, though, would be to ask. And, from Pan seeing how the doctor lady was able to draw out answers from him, she felt inspired. She learned that Trunks seemed to respond well to direct questions. So, Pan thought that maybe, if she was also direct with her own questions, he'd be okay…
Maybe that could be "how" he could talk about things. At least, that was her hope…
… But as the silence continued, she began to doubt herself.
Observing his unintentional stare, she realized he was still deeply lost in his thoughts. And from her adventures with him, she had become adept at reading the expression in his eyes, which often revealed the feelings of his inner thoughts.
What she saw in his eyes now, though, gave her pause.
She didn't understand his current expression. Even though she had asked what she thought was a fairly safe question, for some reason, she was fairly sure his eyes were filled with some sort of… fear…
She didn't like that look on him. As Pan considered changing the topic, though, she paused when she saw Trunks stir.
Propping his elbows on the blanket, Trunks pushed himself to sit up. He then mirrored Pan's pose, as he brought his knees to his chest, and hugged them. With his legs held close, he looked to the side, and rocked a little bit. He then reached over to Pan's white water bottle that was between them on the blanket, and picked it up, and began to fiddle with it. Keeping his eyes trained on the bottle, he looked beyond it, pensively.
After a long continued silence, Trunks lowered the bottle to set it down, and then, with his eyes still downcast, he began to stare beyond the blue blanket.
Pan started to feel a little awkward about the lingering pause. The more he seemed to stall, the more she feared she might have asked him a triggering question, and the last thing she wanted to do was start one of his emotional spirals.
Feeling guilty, as if she had asked something unfair, Pan changed her mind about wanting to know right now.
She looked downward as she awkwardly assured him, "Look, you don't have to answer that…"
"No."Trunks still stared beyond the bottle, "Your question is valid…" He then trailed off, looking to the side, "I just…"
Pan watched him with hopeful intrigue.
Trunks sighed and picked up the white water bottle again, scrutinizing it, even though it was clear to Pan that he was not paying much attention to it.
Holding up the water bottle again, Trunks began to distantly speak to it as if it were a Sharkspearean skull, as he thought aloud, "... I just don't know how to tell it."
Pan thought back to what he said earlier that morning, and remarked, "That sounds familiar."
"I know it sounds like a line." Trunks absentmindedly turned the bottle in his hand, and said achingly, "But it's true - I just…" He shifted his jaw a bit and ruminated over his words, "This is just really hard."
Pan wanted to sound supportive as she twiddled her thumbs by her knees, so she tried to be patient. "I get it. Take your time."
Trunks looked at the water bottle another moment, and then his mindfulness returned as he once again set the water bottle down and turned his eyes to Pan.
Looking in her eyes, Trunks let go of his knees, and then gestured down the hill as he suggested, "Do you want to go for a walk?"
Pan frowned, trying to read his expression, "Is it that bad?"
His expression was grim as he adjusted his legs, and stood up. Without answering her, he leaned down toward her, and offered his right hand.
Watching his eyes, Pan took his hand, and with her other hand, grabbed her blue backpack as she stood up.
After she stood facing his chest, he tried to let go of her hand, but she kept a steady grip.
The truth was that she didn't want to let go of his hand. From the fearful expression he had tried to conceal, she saw that what he truly needed was comfort, but she didn't understand why.
When it became clear to Trunks that she wasn't letting go, he didn't challenge her. He simply tapped his boot against a corner of the blanket along a hidden button embedded in the seam. At his touch, the entire picnic setup made a -POP!- sound, and encapsulated into a small capsule mid-air, which Trunks caught with his left hand.
Still holding his right hand with her left, Pan scanned down the hill, and realized she didn't really have any plan.
"Where do you wanna go?" she asked.
Trunks glanced down the hill toward Goku, who had just caught another fish, adding to the growing mound of fish bones beside him. He then looked down the path that led to the opposite side of the Courtyard's hill.
"Let's go this way," Trunks suggested. And then, taking the lead, Trunks began to walk down the hill on the far side, away from Goku, still holding Pan's hand.
Their walk was silent at first, as Trunks was lost in his thoughts. But as they slowly began to descend the hill, the silence was broken by a large rustling in the brush.
Pan stopped when she noticed a spot of brown from behind a bush. Trunks stopped alongside her, looking confused.
"Shh!" Pan pointed to the foliage, "I think there's an animal this way!"
"Oh yeah?" Trunks seemed intrigued, and started to approach the bush, still holding Pan's hand.
As they got closer, the bush rustled, and several leaves fell. Then, they could hear small, soft steps on the grass.
-ptk- -ptk- -ptk-
"What is it?" Pan's heartbeat quickened in anticipation.
As if in answer, a small long-snouted muzzle poked out from the bush.
The animal had short brown fur, two big black eyes, and a pair of long brown and white ears that stuck straight up. It seemed curious as it pawed the bush, tilting its head questioningly at Pan.
Pan gasped with glee, immediately recognizing the creature, "A deer!"
Trunks was startled at the resemblance to how the creature looked on Earth as he repeated, "A deer?!"
The alien fawn bucked its legs with glee and began to prance and buck around in a circle, until it gained so much excitement that it bounded straight toward Pan.
"Wha-!" Pan didn't have time to react, as the terribly cute fawn jumped up to hug her.
Instead of hugging her, though, it immediately rammed its head straight up her shirt, and tried to snack on her bra.
Pan screamed, and flailed back at the sudden assault.
"AAAAAAHHHHH!" She yanked the fawn away with her left hand and desperately clamped her shirt back down with her right. "NOOOO."
Trunks broke out in laughter like the bullheaded oaf that he was. "AAAAHAHAHA!"
The stupid, stupid deer then bucked around in a circle while groaning gutturally and panicking in its own excitement.
It then spun around and hunched over to drop a humongous poo, and then proceeded to buck down the hill, where it then ran behind the building and into the fields beyond.
The whole shenanigan was over almost as quickly as it started.
And then the full scale of Pan's humiliation all hit her at once.
"Waaaaaaaaaaahhh," Pan cried out, realizing once again her terrible luck on dates.
"Ahahahahahaha!" Trunks was guffawing so loudly that he was crying.
"Stoooooop," Pan wailed, clutching her shirt down while tears of embarrassment began to form in her eyes. "I just got molested by a deer."
"Heeheehee" Trunks sniggered with high-pitched whines that indicated how hard it was for him to hold back his laughter, "It was quite fawn-d of you!"
Pan grumbled, "You're not helping."
"I mean, hehehe, what was I supposed to do? Should I have given it the one-two?" Trunks mocked a double-punch to the air, and broke out into a grin, "Teach that mother-bucker a lesson for fawn-dling my deer-est wife?!"
"Oh nooo," Pan groaned, "You're trying to be funny."
"Hahahahahahaha!" Trunks chuckled, "King Kai thinks I'm a funny guy."
Despite her tone, Pan couldn't help but join him in high-pitched giggles at Trunks' awful jokes.
She couldn't help it; the more she was around him, the more his dad-joke sense of humor could be somewhat contagious.
As they both laughed together over the hilarity of what had just transpired, Pan couldn't even feel angry about anything at all. Being able to laugh with Trunks, after everything they had gone through that day, gave her a sense of joy. It was a reminder that he was not only okay, but that he was alive, and living it up. That, and he was in a good mood again. After everything… she realized that was what mattered the most, to her.
After their laughter subsided, Trunks extended his hand to Pan again, as an invitation to continue their walk.
As she took his hand, she felt a little lighter, and even a little happy that they had a shared moment and connection, even if she did get assaulted by a baby deer… But she let that slide, because no matter how she viewed it, she couldn't see how any baby could really hurt anyone.
As they descended to the ground level, the path took them over a bridge and curved alongside one of the long white buildings on the southern side of the hospital compound. As they walked past the hallway's long glass window, Pan nonchalantly glanced inside the hall, and then something caught her eye.
Suddenly surprised, Pan gasped, "Trunks, look!" and pointed through the window into the hall of the building.
Trunks' gaze followed her gesture, and his eyes widened in surprise.
"He's awake!" Trunks exclaimed.
It was the boy… the one with green hair, whom they had rescued from the passenger ship! Pan would have recognized him anywhere.
The boy was in a white wheelchair, being wheeled through the hall and followed by a growing entourage of over a dozen white-clad nurses, of various races.
"Look," Pan marveled, "he's got a whole harem!"
Trunks smiled reminiscently, and looked at Pan. "Who knew? He's a popular kid."
They watched the boy being wheeled around a corner as a much more comfortable silence settled between them.
After the boy was out of sight, Pan reflected on the events from earlier, and remarked aloud, "You know he's alive because of you…"
"Oh stop," Trunks looked a little bashful as he turned to look seriously into her eyes, "You know we wouldn't have gone on that ship, if not for you."
Pan shook her head, feeling fairly confident she knew what kind of hero Trunks aspired to be, "No, if you knew he was there, I know you would've wanted to save him."
Trunks also shook his head in disagreement, which made Pan want to explain her reasoning to him even more.
"You saved him from a horrible fate," Pan remarked, trying to steer the conversation back to their earlier topic, "You were his hero… just like X-1."
"Right… X-1…" Trunks echoed in a distant tone as he once again seemed to gaze past her.
Concerned that he might drift back into his thoughts, Pan suggested lightly, "Do you want to keep walking?"
"Sure." He absentmindedly squeezed her hand in acknowledgment of its presence in his palm, and they started walking together along the path that wound around the building and opened up to a large expanse of onion fields that ran along the lake.
The path split by the water. The left path looped back to the hospital. Pan instead led them down the straight path along the water bank, where they could hear the gentle burbling of the lake rippling against the rocky gray shoreline.
Pan paid attention to how naturally Trunks held her hand. She hadn't thought much about it until he took it again without a thought, as if it were second nature.
His treatment of her, now, was a complete turnaround – like night and day, compared to the start of their trip. She wasn't used to holding hands like this, and she marveled at his grip, which was softer and more tender than she expected from him.
She realized, too, that it wasn't the first time they had held hands. When she was a little girl, he wasn't afraid to put her on his shoulders, and maybe that might explain his comfort with it. Being well-aware of his touch issues, it felt meaningful that Trunks could connect with her like this. It was one less hurdle to overcome, and maybe their shared history was to thank for that.
She was grateful for his hand, and his touch. She continued to see how hard he was trying for her - truly stepping out of his comfort zone to face his inner demons alongside her.
After several minutes of walking along the path by the water's edge, they came to another fork. The left path split off to wind through the onion fields, and looped back to the hospital; and the right path led to a small rocky peninsula with a stone bench at the end that overlooked the lake. It seemed intended for hospital visitors to relax and enjoy some tranquility.
When they reached the fork, Pan gently guided Trunks toward the bench. She liked the idea of a secluded place away from all the hospital bustle and perverted deer, where they could talk freely. Trunks followed her lead without resistance, with his hand still in hers, as his mind seemed elsewhere.
After they sat down, with Pan to Trunks' left, they were both silent for a moment. Pan hesitated to start another topic, knowing how Trunks tended to seize opportunities to change the subject when he felt uncomfortable. She didn't want him to run from this topic, though. This one held a lot of personal significance to her.
Watching the gentle waves ripple back and forth along the shallow rocks, Trunks broke the silence.
"You wanted to talk about X-1," Trunks said in a distant tone as his eyes gazed absently over the lake.
"Yeah?" Pan confirmed, as she focused herself to catch every word.
"I'm sorry I'm taking so long to respond." Trunks continued to look out over the water, "I keep trying to pinpoint the heart of the story, to be able to summarize it, or tell you some kind of takeaway - but it all sounds really confusing in my head. I don't know how to make it less enigmatic, unless I tell you the whole story. And there's a little too much story to tell."
Trunks paused, giving Pan a chance to speak up, or ask a question. Unsure of where he was heading with his explanation, she chose to stay quiet, waiting for him to continue.
Noticing her silence, Trunks glanced at her, then back at the massive lake.
"I don't know how to easily summarize it," Trunks admitted, "and to be honest, I don't think I'm truly ready to give all the details… but there is a reason I stopped being X-1."
Pan held her breath as she felt her inner excitement rise.
"And," Trunks continued, with his eyes fixed on the vast expanse of water, "I know that it's something that I need to tell you. At least…" Trunks turned to face her, meeting her gaze as he spoke in a softer tone, almost to himself, "... it's something my wife should know."
Pan remained silent, with her eyes following his every move, eager for him to continue.
"I guess," he sighed, "if I had to summarize it," Trunks said slowly, voicing his inner thoughts, "I'd say… sometimes, people can be two-faced. They use a facade to get close to you. And when they see a weakness, they take advantage of it. They take you for a ride. And sometimes, they might even take you."
Pan felt confused. His words seemed abstract.
Without any context, Pan was left with more questions than answers. Seeking clarity, she asked, "What do you mean?"
He exhaled, looking a bit somber. "Maybe… I think I need to start from the beginning. Because if I don't, you won't understand any of it."
"Okay…?" Pan said, still unsure of his meaning. He probably sensed her confusion, too.
She wasn't sure what kind of response she had expected from Trunks. She had once asked her Uncle Goten the same question, about why he stopped being X-2, and his anticlimactic shrug had shut down her line of questioning. It always left a big question mark about the subject, but Pan never thought to bring it up. It had been a really long time, and even thinking back to that time felt like she was tapping into some long-forgotten childhood memories.
Trunks took a deep, tension-filled breath, and with an anxious expression that revealed his inner turmoil, he exhaled slowly and loudly, "Haaaaa…"
Pan waited silently, sensing the gravity of the moment.
With his eyes fixed on the watery horizon, Trunks slowly began in a steady, quiet voice, "I've made a lot of mistakes in my life."
Pan scoffed lightly, raising an eyebrow but remaining quiet, urging him to continue.
Trunks, seemingly unfazed, admitted, "I know that sounds funny. I know I still make mistakes…" He turned to look her in the eyes again, "But when I was a teenager, especially, I made a lot of mistakes, thinking they were good ideas at the time." Without breaking his gaze, he continued, "And… I've learned that… sometimes, mistakes that you made a long time ago can come back and haunt you years later."
Pan leaned forward with curiosity shining in her eyes, "Oh?"
"Well…" Trunks shyly turned his eyes away, looking down at the gray rocks at the base of the peninsula. "There was a time, when I first started out as X-1, that I made… a really big mistake. I mean…" He kept his eyes down as he raised his eyebrows and emphasized, "Really big mistake."
Pan felt her excitement swell, as she anticipated a significant story, "Yeah…?"
Trunks raised his head, staring out at the waves as he began to tell his story.
"I was fifteen, almost sixteen… and just so you know, for context, I hadn't even started dating Mai yet. That's how far back we're talking about."
Pan's eyes widened, "Wow, okay…?"
"I just started my sophomore year, and I was on top of the world. I mean, I had just started to break in my new X-1 costume, and I think that was around the time that Goten had just gotten his costume, too."
Pan tried to pinpoint that exact timeline, but truthfully, she didn't know when her Uncle Goten had started to be X-2, since he never officially told her family about it. Her Papa, Gohan had first learned about it from Pan's kidnapping incident when was three years old. She didn't remember much from back then - only that X-1 and X-2 were among the fighters that arrived on the scene support her rescue, and that was the day she began to be their biggest fan. At least… she used to be.
"At the time, everything was really fresh, and new, and adventurous," Trunks continued, reflecting back to his teenage years. "I felt on top of the world, and invincible, and…" he paused, "I guess… naive."
Pan kept her eyes on the side of his face as he looked over the water, "Yeah…?"
"So… one day… Goten and I wanted to spar with our new suits, and we wanted a change of scenery… so we went down to Bird Mountain."
Pan tried to place the name within her limited understanding of Earth's geography, "Where's that?"
"You don't know it?" He sounded surprised. "It's also known as Mt. Toriyama?"
She asked in an embarrassed tone, "Is that the same thing Mt. Toyotaro?"
"No!" Trunks was aghast. "Pan, you need to study your geography!" He extended his arms to emphasize, "Everyone knows Toriyama."
Pan shrugged, "Well, obviously not everyone."
"Yes, everyone!" Trunks waved his arms emphatically as he stressed his point, "Our whole Earth was shaped by Toriyama! It's the biggest extinct volcano on the planet. You really don't know Bird Mountain?!"
Pan shrugged again, "Did it erupt or something?"
"No," Trunks dramatically slapped his hand over his face, "I just told you it's extinct. Like Mt. Fiji!"
Pan was unimpressed with the topic and didn't understand its relevance. "Why…. does the mountain matter?"
"It matters," Trunks emphasized as he brought his hands together to continue gesturing as he spoke, "because the soil on that mountain is very special, with rare volcanic minerals."
"I still don't see where you're going with this."
"Just know that everything that grows there is a very… premium… cultivation."
Pan was unfazed, "… And…?" She failed to see the connection with X-1.
"So…" Trunks exhaled slowly, "the day we went to the mountain to spar, we ended up going a little overboard with our ki blasts."
"Uh-huh," Pan nodded, trying to follow.
"I forget whose ki ball started it, but … " Trunks looked up to the clouds, and propped his gloved index finger under his chin, "... we ended up accidentally starting a wildfire."
Pan gasped, "A wildfire?!" and brought her hands to her mouth in shock.
"Don't worry, nobody got hurt… at least, from that."
Uncertain of what he meant by the last part, Pan said, "That's good…"
"But I'm bringing this up because… there was a much bigger thing that happened that day. And, I guess, this is where the story really begins."
Pan watched him with growing anticipation.
Trunks watched a cloud drift by, releasing a deep -huuufff- that made his cheeks swell. After a moment of breathing and considering his words, he looked out at the reflections of the sun in the water and continued his story.
"That day, on the north side of the mountain… we discovered something…" Trunks looked up and hesitated, "... life changing."
Pan could sense the shift in his energy right away. Before, Trunks had been collected and calm, but now his eyes looked distant, as if he was seeing or reliving something in that moment.
Pan realized that Trunks was about to share something profound, and was immediately intrigued, "Ohhh?"
Trunks spoke slowly, choosing his words carefully, still looking up as if reflecting on a memory, "And then we… took something… that wasn't ours."
Pan's curiosity burst into a rush of excitement as she became entranced by his adventure, "What was it?"
Trunks' eyes shifted back to his hands as he said, "It was very valuable… and we didn't know that it belonged to anyone."
Now fully engrossed, Pan leaned toward him and tilted her head, "How valuable was it?"
Trunks' thoughtful expression shifted to mild disbelief as he raised his brows and said toward his hands, "Let's just say… it was probably one of the biggest thefts of all time."
Pan immediately broke into laughter, "Ahahahhh!" The hyperbole was outlandish. Trunks liked to take credit for things, but even this sounded a bit much.
"Hahahaha!" Pan continued to laugh as she put her hands on her lap, "Not like you're exaggerating or anything."
Trunks looked offended. "I'm not."
"Fine, then," Pan said, and tried to believe that he wasn't pulling her leg about his history. The significance of this story, as being the reason why he gave up being a superhero, seemed almost preposterous. "Tell me," she teased, "what did you steal?"
Trunks hesitated.
She then frowned, as her curiosity was piqued by Trunks' evasive response. "What's the holdup?"
Trunks shifted uncomfortably, as his eyes clouded with a mixture of reluctance and concern. "It's better if you don't know."
Noticing the seriousness of his demeanor, Pan felt a twinge of unease. "Huh? Why not?"
His voice dropped to a somber tone, "Because… there's a bounty associated with it. And I don't want to get you involved."
Pan couldn't help but laugh at the fantastical idea. "What? A bounty?!"
Trunks' face remained stern. "You need to lower your voice."
Realizing the gravity of his tone, Pan's amusement shifted to one of concern. She lowered her voice and leaned in closer, suddenly serious.
"But… even if there is a bounty on you, why would you be afraid of that?" Pan wondered, "It's not like anyone could really take you down. I mean, you know. You're a superhero."
Trunks looked away, his eyes distant. "There are two sides to every coin, Pan. When there are big bounties involved, greed and grandeur tend to attract supervillains."
Pan blinked, and then her eyes widened as the full weight of his words sank in. "Supervillains?" she repeated, her voice barely a whisper.
She had never even considered something like that before. The idea that Planet Earth could have supervillains had never crossed her mind. From all the stories she heard growing up, she assumed most real threats came from outside of Earth. But, now that she thought about it… Trunks brought up a valid point.
The Earth did have its own supervillains, and they were always really sketchy and lustful for power, like the Red Ribbon Army.
"There are other ways to take a superhero down, than direct combat." Trunks continued in a reminiscent tone, gazing out at the water.
Pan began to wonder if these words were all truly coming from personal experience.
"Like what?" Pan wondered aloud.
"Like… poison, or drugs. Or even blackmail. Actually, the list could go on for a while," Trunks said with a slightly cryptic tone. "People can be very creative and methodological about how to capture a bounty. They put a lot of planning into it, and they take a lot of pride in it."
As Trunks continued, Pan felt a tightness in her throat, as if a snake were constricting her air.
Trunks watched his hands on his lap, as he mused. "It's like being hunted by a serial killer."
The moment he put it into that simplified context, Pan felt a wave of visceral fear course through her. Her arms tickled with goosebumps, and all of her hairs raised a bit as she listened in suspense.
"The kinds of villains who go after big bounties are just like that…" Trunks reflected as he continued to absently stare downward, "They will stop at nothing to get to you. They'll fool you. They'll manipulate you and threaten those you love. They'll take you, and they don't care if you're dead or alive."
As Pan silently mulled over his words, layers of nervousness began to weigh on her thoughts, and her mind began to imagine disturbing mental images that faded before she could ruminate on her thoughts. Every time she started to picture why Trunks would say something like this, her mind simply couldn't process it.
It was as if she had a defense mechanism that shielded her from imagining what kind of horrors he must have faced.
And for a moment, she wondered if Trunks had developed his own defense mechanism about it, after all these years. Maybe that was why she never heard this story before. Even her Uncle Goten, who was with him that day, never mentioned it, either.
Pan felt like she was completely caught off guard, even though Trunks had done everything he could to warn her and prepare her for this mental spiral. She could see how knowing more, and diving deeper into the story, might feel a little like being sucked into a whirlpool.
From his tone alone, she could understand the enormity of his fear, even though she didn't know any of the details at all. Or… maybe she did.
From all his hemming and hawing with his story, Pan trusted that Trunks had put a lot of thought into his words. She had a good reason to suspect that some details, or hints to his story, were hidden among the words he chose to share.
As Pan processed his words, Trunks was silent, as if waiting for something. And, as her heartbeat kept pace with the time, she realized that he wanted her to either ask a question, or piece together the puzzle.
Feeling a little pressured by the silence, and feeling emotionally overwhelmed, Pan tried to replay Trunks' words in her mind, but everything seemed to scatter like leaves in the wind.
Without any context or details, she felt she missed a lot of what he was trying to convey.
However, there was one thing that stood out clearly.
From the way Trunks spoke, and from the look in his eyes, Pan knew that the memory of the bounty hunter instilled fear in him. And, by the way that he talked about bounty hunters like serial killers, there must be a story behind Trunks being taken dead or alive.
The more she thought about it, the more she realized that Trunks was right - it didn't really matter what Trunks stole.
The story was about the hunt that came after it.
... After…
Pan gasped and her eyes widened as she connected the dots.
Feeling like she might have hit the nail on the head, but fearing his reaction in case he might freeze up or run away, Pan asked slowly, and tentatively, "Were you… taken?"
Trunks just watched her for what felt like an eternity, and as she faced his hard stare, Pan's heart seemed to pound in slow motion.
After a long hesitation, Trunks simply said, "Yes."
Then, his expression shifted. He became unreadable, as if a barrier had gone up, shielding him from a memory.
Realizing she hit a mark, Pan gently prompted, "What happened?"
Trunks' face turned stern and his eyes grew cold. He took a long time to consider his response before he answered flatly.
"I survived."
Pan wasn't satisfied with that answer. It hinted at much, but revealed nothing at all.
Determined to get more information, Pan pressed on, "Yeah, but… what happened?"
It was clearly the wrong question. The anger in Trunks' eyes indicated she had pushed him too far.
Realizing she needed to salvage the situation, Pan tried to think of a different question instead, but before she would word anything, Trunks spoke first.
"What happened," he said with a cautious tone, "was that I stopped being X-1."
Feeling a little relieved that she hadn't completely lost him behind his mental wall, Pan followed up with another question.
"Yeah, but…" She tried to keep her tone as open-ended as she could, "why?"
"Because it wasn't safe anymore, for anyone."
"But…" Pan pressed, eager for more details, "what happened?"
As soon as the words left her mouth, she knew she had made a mistake. She had circled straight back to the same trigger question.
As if in slow motion, Pan could see Trunks' eyes harden as he brought up all of his walls. Within a moment, his demeanor shifted from neutral, to icy and distant.
"Nothing, after that," Trunks stated with finality as his cold gaze locked on hers. "That's where the story ends."
A wave of disappointment, mixed with slight desperation, washed over Pan. She didn't want to let go of the topic so quickly. It wasn't fair - he hadn't really shared much at all.
"You still didn't tell me the story," Pan protested.
"Yes, I did."
"But…" Pan's voice raised in slight desperation, "Who caught you?"
Trunks frowned at her, "It doesn't matter."
Determined to at least learn the outcome, Pan pressed, "What happened to them?"
Trunks stood up, facing away from her, and his tone was curt. "I'm alive. That's all you need to know."
"Come on Trunks," Pan pleaded as she stood up after him and extended her arms as she spoke, "Don't shut down. I have a gazillion questions."
Trunks began to walk, on his own, down the rocky peninsula to the shoreline, "And I promise you that none of them will have a happy answer."
Pan followed him, "Come on, you can't just tell me that and then totally back out."
"Yes, I can, and I will." He kept walking.
"Come on, Trunks…"
Trunks spun on his heels, flaring in anger as he jetted both of his arms out in a rage, "Pan, what do you expect of me?!" His right arm swung to gesture to the rocky peninsula, glaring daggers, "This is our first date. I answered about X-1. Isn't that enough?"
Pan moaned in guttural anguish, "Uuuggghhhh!" She couldn't let this go. This was too important, and she might never get another chance to hear this story! "At least tell me… how old were you when you got caught?"
"It doesn't matter," he grumbled emphatically, turning to walk down the path again.
"Come on Trunks," Pan followed him again with her arms out pleadingly, "How old were you?"
Trunks growled through gritted teeth as he stormed down the path toward the hospital, "This is stupid."
"This isn't stupid!" Pan quickened her pace to catch up, "I just want to know when it happened."
Trunks stopped again on the path, and spun to her, looking frustrated.
Pan knew that look, but at the same time, she felt like she had to stand up for herself.
Unless he told her, she'd never get stronger. She'd never understand how she could protect him, or make him feel any better. She truly felt, deep down, that she needed to know. And even if it took momentary awkwardness, or a minor fight between them, the information was too important for her to just drop it because she was afraid of hurting his feelings.
His feelings had been hurt long enough, and he clearly wasn't able to heal that wound on his own.
If he wasn't going to talk about it, then she was going to have to draw it out. Pan was willing to fight for any scraps of information he was willing to share. Besides, it wasn't like she was being unreasonable! All she wanted to know was when. And she was not about to back down.
After a few moments of cold and tense silence, it seemed Trunks began to realize that, too.
Although he still looked upset, his icy glower thawed slightly. Pan could tell that he was trying to collect his feelings and manage his anger. He had been doing that a lot these past few days, even though she didn't know what might have changed in how he managed his anger. But, whatever it was seemed to work, because as the tense silence hung between them, Trunks' wild eyes began to look a little more reasonable.
After another moment, he sighed in resignation.
"If I tell you when," Trunks said with a begrudging face, "do you promise to drop it after this?"
"For… now?" Pan clarified, hinting that she intended to talk about this again.
"Forever," Trunks stated firmly.
Pan pouted, realizing she was going to have to pull teeth. But she wasn't afraid to rise up to the challenge. The women in her family always won.
Channeling her inner Grandma Chi Chi into a fierce glare, Pan put her foot down as she emphasized defiantly and absolutely, "For now."
After another few tense moments, Trunks' countenance then relaxed, and shifted into resignation.
Trunks sighed, as he must have realized that this subject was not up for negotiation.
"For now," he confirmed.
Feeling a few sparkles in her gut at her small win, Pan asserted, "Okay, but you gotta be honest with me."
As Trunks' gaze glanced back and forth between her eyes, he took a long breath, and paused. As he exhaled, he said in a low tone, "I was twenty."
"Twenty…?" Pan tried to remember that time in his life, and to do the mental math to compare her own age.
"But… if I'm to be honest …" Trunks said in a slightly irked tone, "I first met her when I was eighteen."
Bingo.
Pan's eyes widened at the massively huge reveal, and echoed in a questioning tone, "Her…?"
Trunks immediately realized that he said too much.
"Yeah, no that's it!" He exclaimed defensively, and turned on his heel to start marching forward again, "That's all you get."
"Aww!" Pan followed him with her arms out again.
"No 'Aww's," Trunks grumbled as he walked, "You promised, Pan."
Pan pouted, as she followed behind his heels, "But I just feel like you still haven't really told me anything."
"I obviously did."
"But you still didn't tell me what you stole…!"
Trunks' tone shot her down as his feet hammered the path's gravel, "It doesn't matter what I stole."
"It obviously was big enough that a bounty hunter came after you years later."
Trunks sneered ahead as he strode, "Some bounties don't expire."
Pan looked down at her feet, in thought, as she walked quickly behind him. She kept thinking about how Trunks had been with her Uncle Goten at the time. She had known her Uncle Goten all of her life. She knew some things about him that he didn't realize she knew - things even her own Papa didn't know, because she often noticed Goten's moving ki signature whenever he'd sneak out as X-2.
But in all her life of knowing her Uncle Goten, she had never heard of a bounty story like this from him, and he never seemed to be hurt at the same scale as Trunks. At least - not like this. Sure, he had his fair share of break-ups among his hundreds of girlfriends, but even all those single-date outings seemed normal enough compared to Trunks' story.
As they walked past onion fields, Pan watched her shadow, and asked curiously, "Does Uncle Goten know this story?"
Trunks didn't respond, as he continued his silent walk.
Feeling her confusion grow, Pan asked "Why have I never heard this story before?"
Trunks' response was sharp and grim, "Because I haven't ever told anyone the story."
"Not even Uncle Goten?" she prodded.
Trunks remained silent, but she could sense his ki running hot, holding back his temper.
Sensing his reluctance, and realizing her current line of questioning wasn't drawing out the truth, Pan decided to approach her question from a different angle, "Does anybody know the story?"
"It doesn't matter," he muttered.
Pan's footsteps crunched over the gravel as she quickened her pace to catch up. She moved next to him, looking up at his face as they walked. "Why are you freezing up about this?"
His expression was flat as he stared ahead, "I don't want to talk about it."
"But why?" Pan gestured to herself, "I'm trying to help."
His tone turned indignant as he kept his eyes on the path ahead, "You would help me by dropping this, and getting back to our date."
Pan pleaded with her arms outstretched again, "But I'm getting to know you."
Trunks scowled and sliced at the air with his hands as he angrily shouted, "This is not what I want you to know about me!"
"But see, it's because it's about you that I want to know!" Pan brought both of her hands over her heart as she emphasized, "I want to know more about you, Trunks."
Trunks stopped walking and yelled, "If you want to know more about me, then…!"
He grabbed at his hair in frustration, and then slid his hands to cover his cheeks. As his hands lowered, his fingers dragged his cheeks downward in a dramatic stretch as he sighed in audible anguish, "Aaaugh!"
Pan stopped as well, and had a slight epiphany as she watched him.
By the way he carried himself, and by the anger he had been battling, Pan recognized this for what it was.
He wasn't trying to actually walk away from her… He was just having one of his temper tantrums.
As it became more clear to her that Trunks was amenable to her questions, and was simply misdirecting his energy, she began to feel a little more empowered.
Now that he had opened up to her, however much he did, Pan was starting to read him better. The more she understood him, the less she feared upsetting him.
She didn't have to worry about losing him. Their relationship was already stronger than that.
Trunks was just up to his normal dramatics, and she just had to be patient with him… like her Grandma Chi Chi, when it came to her patience with Grandpa Goku.
As if he could sense her feelings, Trunks sighed, and as he exhaled, all of his fight seemed to vanish.
"Look, Pan, I'm trying," He said earnestly as he gestured to himself. "I'm going to need some time for this."
"But…" Pan felt a little hopeful, "you will still tell me, then, right? After some time?"
Trunks sighed.
"Maybe tonight after dinner?" Pan suggested hopefully.
Trunks bent his head back and looked up to the sky as he deeply groaned, "Ughhhhhh."
"Okay, too soon - I get it." She waved her arms in a dismissive gesture, then pushed, "Then maybe tomorrow after you sleep on it?"
Trunks looked back to her and shot his right hand out in a swipe. "See, this is why I didn't want to tell you. I knew you'd keep bringing it up."
Pan put her hands on her hips, "I'll keep bringing it up until you answer me."
"Aaaaaaagh," Trunks groaned again toward the sky.
Pan's voice turned chipper as she reassured him, "But don't worry, I'll figure out how you can tell it. I'll get you all comfortable, and you won't be able to resist telling me everything."
Trunks brought his right hand to cover his face, "Let's please drop this subject, okay?"
Pan smiled supportively, fairly certain she would figure out more ways to get Trunks to open up, and couldn't resist as she asked, "One last question?"
"No," Trunks retorted sharply, "You already had it."
"One last, pleeease?"
Trunks sighed, realizing he couldn't win. He started to walk again, grumbling as he reluctantly conceded, "I can't stop you from asking."
Feeling another victory under her belt, Pan bravely asked, "What was her name?"
"Who?"
Pan wanted to roll her eyes at his efforts to play dumb, "The bounty hunter."
"It doesn't matter," Trunks shut the conversation down as he walked.
Pan was persistent, "What was it, pleeeease?"
He groaned, "If I tell you, will you shut up about it?"
"I promise," she said. But she also had a big mental clock in her head with a symbolic countdown until she'd bring it up again.
"You'll really shut up and put this to bed?" Trunks asked skeptically as they walked.
"I pinky swear!" She promised, and held up her right pinky.
"And that'll be it?" Trunks confirmed, "No more questions? For at least…" he looked to the side, thinking, "… a week?"
Pan flung her arms up incredulously, "A week?!"
"One week," he stated resolutely as they walked.
"Fuuuuudge, Trunks!" Pan whined, "You're not really gonna make me wait a whole week for this story, are you?!"
Trunks stopped and looked at her, "Do you pinky swear, or not?"
Pan stopped again and grumbled as she looked down to the gravel, with her pinky still up, "Fine… I pinky swear."
Trunks locked his right pinky with hers, and shook it like a handshake. When he pulled his hand away, he began walking again as they neared the hospital grounds.
"Her name was Van," he said emotionlessly as he stared ahead during in their stroll, "Or at least… that's what she told us at the time."
That name… Pan was sure she had heard it before at some point.
Pan blinked and looked to the side as she tried to jog her memory, "Van…?"
Trunks shot her a threatening glare, as he undoubtedly suspected Pan was immediately about to break her promise about no more questions.
"What?!" She declared defensively, "I was just thinking that the name sounded familiar."
Trunks thought for a moment as he strolled, and then nodded, "Right. You probably heard it a few days ago, on Kikarroo."
"Really?" Pan tried to think back, to try to place where he left his clues, but she couldn't recall the memory.
Trunks' lips turned upward a little bit, and a wistful smile played on his lips as they approached the hospital again.
"Van," he said reminiscently, "is also the name of my car."
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–7/27/24–
A/N: The action starts to pick up again next chapter. If you've made it this far, leave a Fav, Review and/or Follow! I'd love to hear what parts of the story have stood out to you the most so far. There is also a lot to come.