I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you
August
Hero settles in the back of the cinema; the trailers are already playing on screen. She spies several others scattered about the grand emporium. It being another gorgeous summer's day, most people have chosen to be out in the sunshine rather than sitting in the dark for a lunchtime showing of an action movie that has been out for a few weeks now.
When picking it out, she absently noted it was the kind of film Claudio would have taken her to see. She never enjoyed those much, wincing at the excessive violence and feeling detached from the characters. Now she sits upright, anticipation fizzing through her like lemonade on her tongue.
As the film begins, someone takes the seat next to her. "Have I missed anything?"
"The bad guy has just blown-up an elevator shaft."
John hums, getting comfortable in his seat. For a while, they are distracted by the drama playing out on the screen.
"The lead character looks a bit like you, don't you think?"
"My hair isn't that short."
"He's cute though."
"You're suggesting I should cut my hair?"
She reaches out, threading her fingers in his hair. "Hm, no. I like it this length."
She gives it a tug for emphasis.
"Good," he hums and pulls her into his lap.
As explosions and sirens sound in the background, their lips mash together, hands roving over each other's bodies, rumpling their clothes. Hero had suggested the cinema, inspired by their recent escapade in the community centre car park. Plunged into darkness, except for the flickering light of the film, Hero and John are shadows, unseen, unknown. The rest of the sparse audience have their attention fixed on the screen; no one notices the couple making out in the back.
Hero feels a sinuous thrill as John's hand creeps under her top, spreading across her stomach. She kisses along his throat, they agreed not to leave marks where others could see them but it is a struggle to resist more than a kitten nip. Her heart lurches as his thumb circles the button of her jean shorts, slipping it through the hole and then his fingers are sliding under her waistband, teasing along the lace trim of her underwear. She never did find her panties again that night in the car. John claims he has looked but hasn't found them. She thinks he is lying but doesn't mind.
His fingers dip lower before returning to her waist as gunshots ring out from the screen. Hero has long lost sense of the plot — something about a bus — distracted by the heat of John's tongue and the scratch of his beard. She is startled when he squeezes her side.
"I think it's ending soon."
Hero tumbles back into her seat and hurries to fix her clothes as the credits roll and the lights come up. The pair of them wait in their seats as the rest of the audience trickles from the theatre. They catch each other's eye, appearances noticeably ruffled, and a rush of laughter escapes them.
They don't bother to stagger their exits as they leave the cinema, arms swinging, walking side-by-side along the promenade. Hero is still giggling, a skip in her step, feeling like a teenager again. The thought crosses her mind that this is what it would have been like to date John in school. Her cheeks warm with the indent of dimples.
"Want to get ice cream?"
John slows to consider her. As he opens his mouth to reply, a woman's voice calls, "Hero!"
She spins and sees her former classmate and friend waving to her. "Olivia! Hi!"
She is conscious of John beside her but doesn't wish to draw attention by looking at him.
Olivia crosses to her, pulling her into a hug. "I'm glad I ran into you. How is it I haven't seen you all summer?"
"Um…"
Olivia draws back. "I heard about Claudio dumping you. What an idiot."
"Yes…"
Hero peaks towards John and finds he is gone. She looks around but he has disappeared into the crowd. Her chest compresses.
Something must show on her face because Olivia simpers. "Oh, you poor thing. Let's go to a café and catch-up properly. That is, if you're not busy."
"No…" Hero's shoulders fall, then she inhales and summons a smile. "I'm not busy. That would be lovely."
:-x-:
Hero stretches out on her bed, staring at John's contact in her phone, there are no new messages. She sighs.
She spent a pleasant hour with Olivia, but her thoughts kept returning to John and his sudden departure. She knows she said she wanted them to be a secret but pretending like there is nothing between them is eating at her. His words from that night in the car park keep returning to her — "I'm not your boyfriend."
She doesn't want a boyfriend. She hasn't been single since she was fifteen and she wants to experience that independence, at least to prove to herself that she can. But she also wants John; to be near him, to kiss him, to talk with him, to hold and be held by him. Her brain is fogged with the heat, unable to get him out of her head; it is driving her crazy.
She had gone for a run earlier to distract herself. It helped a little, watching candyfloss clouds float across apricot skies, the silhouettes of birds soaring ahead; it was peaceful. Now her skin is flush from the shower, prickling with the humidity. Her room feels like a sauna, the window cracked to let in a breeze, and she has changed into a cotton vest and pyjama shorts.
Unable to stand it anymore, she types a greeting into her phone. Her thumb hovers over the send button. She breathes in.
H: Hi
It feels lame as soon as she sends it and she flops back against her pillows, burrowing her face into Cedric, her much-loved killer whale plushie from the Marine Aquarium.
Her phone vibrates. She lurches upright, snatching it from where she discarded it.
J: Hey
Hero is both elated and cast into a pit of despair as she grapples with what to say next.
H: Today was fun
Lame. She hangs her head.
J: Yes
J: Feel like picking up where we left off?
The effect is instantaneous, the heat tightens against her like a physical caress.
H: What did you have in mind?
She watches those three dots, breath suspended.
J: What are you wearing?
The air rushes out of her and she is conscious of every press of clothing against her skin. The breeze strokes along her bare legs.
H: Pyjamas, vest and shorts
J: What colour?
H: Pink vest, striped shorts. I've had them for years, they are kind of small and the fabric has worn thin…
She has played this game before with Claudio, but he struggled with descriptions and usually skipped to dick pics.
J: I bet your nipples are nice and perked
H: Yes
J: Touch them
She circles a finger around the pebbled buds.
H: What are you wearing?
J: Same as earlier
H: I don't know how you wear so much black in the middle of summer
J: If my clothes offend you I can take them off
H: Everything?
The pause between his next message is answer enough.
J: Except for my socks
She laughs even as she squeezes her thighs together, picturing him like that, a statue from antiquity in black socks.
J: Are you still touching yourself
H: Oops
J: I thought you'd be better at following instructions. Given what a teacher's pet you were in school.
H: You didn't even know me!
J: Your photo was on the noticeboard for excellent students, didn't they give you an award?
Hero pouts and doesn't look at her shelf where said award sits.
H: This conversation is not very arousing
J: Are you going to be good for me, Hero?
An electric pulse shivers up her spine and she sits up, the sheets bunching between her thighs.
J: I know you can be, tell me you can
Her cheeks burn as she taps out her response.
H: Yes
J: Good girl
J: Now I want you to take your nipples between your fingers and pinch them tight until they are tender
Hero takes a trembling inhale and does as she is told, tweaking her nipples between her thumb and forefinger. The buds swell, straining under her touch; her vest feels coarse against her sensitive skin. She wonders if she can remove it, if that is allowed or she has to ask John's permission? She compromises, pulling her vest down enough to expose her breasts and give her better access.
J: Now I want you to remove your shorts and slide a finger inside yourself
Hero has to adjust her position, but she sinks a finger inside her.
J: Are you wet, baby?
H: Yes
J: I knew you would be, you're always so wet for me
"John…" she gasps aloud.
H: Please
H: Can I add a second finger?
J: Good girl asking permission. Yes, you can.
J: You're aching for it aren't you? I know it's hard, your fingers are so slim and delicate. They can't fill you like I can
Hero whimpers, two fingers inside her now moving fast but it is not the same as with John.
J: Rub your pretty clit the way you like it. Press down hard, now crook your fingers. You must be dripping, I wish I was there to suck you clean
J: Add a third finger, stroke yourself nice and fast. Good girl. I bet you look beautiful, stretched open and desperate to be fucked
Her vision is blurring, she can barely hold her eyes open long enough to read John's words, each line unleashing a fresh spasm of pleasure. She is trembling too much to type, she hopes he understands she is preoccupied and not ignoring him. The messages don't stop, the little vibration sending tingles through her spine.
J: Are you smothering your cries? I know how loud you like to be. Can the whole house hear you? Can the street?
J: Fuck is this driving you insane the way it is me
J: I bet you're begging to come
J: Come, sweetheart
Hero is already teetering on the edge of an orgasm when she reads his words and shudders into bliss. When she opens her eyes again, she sees Cedric has fallen on the floor and is staring at her with a scandalised expression. Hero wipes herself off on the covers and reaches for her phone. She sees there is a message waiting for her.
J: Hero?
H: Thank you
It is a moment before he responds and in the meantime she fixes her clothes.
J: My pleasure. I take it you came?
H: Yes :)
H: Did you?
J: I did
J: You were so good for me. Gold star.
She hides her face; mortification and arousal turning in her stomach like raked coals. Fresh from her orgasm, she feels impulsive.
H: Let's do something different tomorrow, let's go somewhere
J: Somewhere we won't run into anyone who knows us?
Hero chews on a nail, feeling again that nagging sensation of keeping a secret.
J: Can't tomorrow, work, but can do the day after. I know a place we could go
J: I'll pick you up
Hero exhales, a smile growing as her guilt is replaced with excitement.
H: Perfect x
She rescues Cedric from the floor, giving him a hug; a squeal escapes her. She feels like one of those candyfloss clouds spun from sugar, floating away into a rose-tinted sky.
:-x-:
John collects her early morning, the sky already a vivid blue; it is going to be a scorcher. As Hero climbs into the car, she meets his gaze and blushes. On their way out of town they pass a lot of cars heading into Messina Cove, no doubt for a day at the beach. They leave the traffic behind them, driving along the coastal road, the windows rolled down. Hero turns up the radio, singing along. She spies John smiling under his sunglasses, the wind whipping through his hair.
He drives them to a secluded spot thirty-five minutes from town. Hero has been here before on walks. It is not a popular spot because of its distance from civilisation and the trek it takes to get to and from the beach. They walk over the grassy mounds until they reach an incline and then carefully pick their way down to the cove below. The beach is small but beautiful and it is deserted.
They spread out their rug and set down their bags. Hero turns to John, waggling a bottle of suncream, and he responds by stripping out of his clothes. She lathers the lotion across his skin, relishing the excuse to glide her hands over him slowly — freckles and bone, soft and firm. Is this how Michelangelo felt when he sculpted David?
She wants to keep touching him but he stops her. "Your turn."
He squirts suncream into his hand as he gives her that intense look and then his hands are on her. John's touch is sensual; rubbing lotion into her bare skin like it is his divine mission to protect her from melanomas. His palm curls around her neck and down her back, fingers dipping under the ties of her bikini and she is tempted to risk sand in unpleasant places.
He cups her chin, turning her to face him. For a second, he stares at her, wind ruffling her curls, and then he kisses her, as gentle and devouring as the tide on the shore. Hero turns into him fully and they trade kisses, the sun blazing on them, seagulls squawking from the rocks.
Hero sprints into glittering waves, John in pursuit. The two of them go stampeding through the surf, seafoam swirling around their calves. They kick and splash through the salt-waves, laughing as they chase each other in circles. John lifts Hero up and she shrieks her happiness, startling the seabirds in their nests. They tumble into the waves, playing like they do in the pool, but the sea is much vaster and deep. They bob in the water, clinging to each other like a pair of octopi. She clutches his shoulders and kisses salt-drops from his neck, while John holds her tight, as if afraid the current could sweep her from him.
In the water, they are weightless; on land, their limbs become heavy and lethargic. They collapse together on the rug, the sun blanketing them in its heat, wrapped in one another like a good dream. Perhaps if they lie like this long enough, their bones shall merge together.
Eventually they eat; Hero sets out tupperware containing strawberries, chopped veg, and other baked snacks that have the seagulls hopping closer. Afterwards they start on a sandcastle, sculpting walls and turrets. They wander the beach, collecting pebbles and shells to adorn its side. When they are satisfied with their work, they play noughts-and-crosses and hangman in the sand.
The cove shrinks as the tide floods in and Hero and John return to the sea, swimming through sparkling waters, exchanging wet, salty kisses. It has been a perfect day and they wring-out every hour of golden sunlight until the tide is advancing up the beach and they have to gather their things.
Hero gives a little wail as the first of their sandcastle's turrets crumbles and they retreat, clambering up the slope. From above, they watch as the whole beach is swallowed, their footprints washed away as if they were never there.