6

Reflection

Chishiya

Chishiya had watched with sharp, intelligent eyes as Niragi had stared at his screen in confusion. He doesn't know which one his lie is, he'd thought. But he himself had known. The pain in Niragi's black eyes last night at the pool party had allowed him to peek behind that angry mask. And Chishiya had understood then, that Niragi's past was one littered with pain, trauma, guilt and regret. So he had selected the third statement, the lie. And when Niragi had looked up at him with that tiny hint of hope upon seeing the score, something inside Chishiya's chest had stirred. It felt like the slightest flicker of a flame he'd believed had been snuffed out a long time ago, now sputtered back to life. He'd felt that same sensation only an hour ago when Niragi had pulled him up by his hoodie and threatened him, eyes seeping with raw emotion.

Now Chishiya stared at his own screen as the heat of the spotlight shined upon his silver hair like a halo. He scolded himself for his brief moment of confusion as he'd read his statements. I killed my mother. He hadn't killed her with his own hands of course. But he did truly believe he had failed her, failed to help her out which had caused her untimely death. He had been eleven back then. A teacher had pulled him out of class that day, had told him the news. Chishiya hadn't believed it at first, hadn't wanted to believe it. But when he stood before her cold, pale corpse, her eyes shut, never to open again, never to gaze at him with the love only a mother could feel. That was the day some part of him had died. He'd stopped caring then. Stopped caring about himself, about others, about being alive or not. The world around him had been void of all it's colour and warmth.

Until tonight. And Niragi was the reason for it. Chishiya was still working out why though. Why did Niragi wake something in him he'd believed dead and buried an eternity ago?

I have no will to live. That was his lie. It had to be. Had he played this game the night before it might have been the truth. But not now. Not after today's events. Chishiya directed his eyes towards Niragi, whose outline he could faintly make out through the burning light of judgement.

"Your time is up. Please make your selections now."

Dai to his right closed his eyes as he nervously awaited the result. Chishiya was fairly certain he'd selected the wrong answer.

"Two players have chosen correctly. Two players have chosen wrong."

Chishiya's eye twitched slightly as his collar hit him with a double dose of electric shocks. He looked down at the scoreboard as the spotlight shifted to Asuka, cool air now caressing his skin. Niragi and Asuka had chosen the correct answer, but it wasn't the answer Chishiya had expected.

I killed my mother. That's my lie!?

Dai whimpered as his score dropped to zero. Within a split second Dai's collar sent a lethal pulse through his system. His body spasmed for several seconds before he slumped in his seat, held up by the shackle around his torso. Chishiya felt himself sucked from reality as he stared at his screen in disbelief. He didn't register Dai's death in the slightest. It was as if he'd been teleported to a parallel world, to the same room, except that he was alone, cut off from any human form. As quickly as the sensation overcame him, did it recede, and he was propelled back to reality.

Chishiya's heart hammered inside his chest. He checked his expression, making sure his short moment of derealisation hadn't shown through his usually perfectly controlled, ice cold exterior. It didn't seem like anyone had noticed, all too focused on Dai getting fried beside him. Chishiya scanned the room, focused on his breathing to steady his racing heart.

Kenzo seated beside Niragi now had tears streaming down his cheeks. He was down to two points. Niragi and Asuka were now leading with six points. And Chishiya was back to five points.

The way the game was designed implied only one of them could survive and win. But this was a hearts game. Which meant there was a catch somewhere that could save all or most of their lives. Chishiya just had to figure it out. He didn't want to kill Niragi he realised. He somehow cared. Even if it felt like the faintest breath of emotion in his numb existence, for once in his life he cared. It just had to be at the exact moment his own life was on the line. Fate had a wicked sense of humour sometimes.

Asuka's statements popped up on his screen which brought Chishiya back to reality. He noted her paling beside him just like Niragi had. She couldn't hide her confusion. It was written on her face clear as day. The average person might have mistaken it for anxiety or shame, but Chishiya caught it. He saw everything. Just as he could vaguely see a pattern forming before his inner eye. It was a hearts game so it wasn't about what the other players knew about you. It was about what they believed about themselves, he realised. One statement always was a lie. But to the player on trial that lie was a truth, a belief that resided in their mind like a parasite, like his belief, that he caused his mothers death.

But you did cause it! It's all your fault! All of it! Chishiya fought the urge to wince at his inner voice yelling at him.

Focus on the game. It's all that matters.

With iron determination, Chishiya shoved his emotions aside, giving his calculating and cunning thoughts the floor.

This round won him another point and his score adjusted to six points. Kenzo also won a point raising his score to three. But Niragi answered wrong and Chishiya watched him flinch as the collar shocked him and his score dropped to five points. Asuka received a double shot of electrical shocks and lost two points dropping her down to four.

They each selected the correct answer for Kenzo's turn costing him two points with an end score of one.

The spotlight locked back onto Niragi who had to shield his eyes from the glare again. His two truths and lie popped up on the screen. Chishiya's eyes flicked across the screen as he read them. They were different this round, they were more painful, darker. I tried to commit suicide once but couldn't even do that right. I prefer men but have never told a single soul. My father left us because he was ashamed to have a disappointment for a son.

Niragi sucked in a breath as he stared at his screen. He didn't move a muscle, didn't exhale as he waited. Chishiya could tell Niragi's mind had travelled to a place outside this world. He was staring at his screen but he wasn't seeing it.

I tried to commit suicide once but couldn't even do that right. Had Niragi truly attempted to end his life once? Chishiya supposed it was possible. It must have been a long time ago though. The Niragi he'd come to know wanted to live, to survive, fought for it with claws and teeth and sheer fucking will. He wondered how he'd attempted it. Was there any evidence that marked his body? Chishiya had never seen Niragi wear short sleeves but that could just be pure coincidence. There were so many ways to do it.

I prefer men but have never told a single soul. So he was afraid anyone would ever find out. But why? In our day and age being gay was widely accepted, considered normal. Unless that too had been something used to torment him in the past.

My father left us because he was ashamed to have a disappointment for a son. If Chishiya's theory was correct and the three statements Niragi all believed to be true, then the lie had to be the third statement. It was the only one that Niragi couldn't be sure about. His father could have had a million different reasons to leave. It was a lie he'd been fed and assumed it to be true. That was the statement he selected.

Niragi's gaze remained far away. It wasn't until his collar shocked him that he stirred from his stasis and returned to reality.

Chishiya and Asuka had both selected the correct answer winning them a point each. Kenzo sobbed loudly as his score dropped to zero. His collar zapped him with a lethal amount of electricity. Kenzo's body spasmed violently and his bladder loosed, wetting himself, as the electricity coursed through his system. Seconds later he too sat slumped in his seat.

The current score had Chishiya leading with seven points, followed by Asuka with five and then Niragi with three points.

Then the spotlight focused on him and he was blinded yet again. His two truths and one lie appeared on his screen.

I am afraid to die alone never having known any form of love. I only exist to demonstrate how empty a person can be. I am jealous of other people because they are selfless and I am not.

Chishiya swallowed hard. They were definitely all true.