14

Aversion

Niragi

Chishiya and Niragi had conversed up on the roof of the Beach until the early hours of the morning, before Chishiya had taken his leave. Niragi, on the other hand, had remained lounging in his chair, watching the first rays of the sun peeking past the horizon at dawn. His thoughts had been firing through his mind at a million miles an hour. He'd felt far too awake to even contemplate getting some sleep.

Niragi knew it probably wasn't the best decision to pull an all nighter, but he'd been reluctant to return to the chaos that was his room, it's walls too restricting, reminding him of the loneliness he'd felt all his life.

As the sun slowly rose above the horizon, it's warmth heating Niragi's skin, he closed his eyes, took a deep breath and simply savoured the moment for once, and simply existed. He'd almost forgotten what it was like to enjoy a quiet moment to himself, to enjoy the little things in life like the warmth of the sun, the silence of a world still safely nestled in its dreams.

A grumble soon cut through the silence and forced Niragi to smirk as he gazed down at his own stomach. He couldn't remember the last time he'd actually been hungry in the morning, or had eaten breakfast for that matter. He was usually too hungover, too nauseous to even consider eating anything. That was if he managed to wake up before noon in the first place.

Thankfully, mornings were quiet at the beach. Most members were - just like Niragi usually – sleeping off their hangovers, or simply sleeping in. After all, dusk was when it got serious, when everyone needed to be alert. Just before game time.

And yet, some sorry losers who'd drawn the short straw, were likely gathering in the hotel's kitchens right now, to prepare breakfast for the few members that did rise early. Like some of the militants, who had been ordered to cover the morning shift of patrols.

Good thing I'm second in command, Niragi thought. He'd made sure he never went out patrolling in the mornings, never had any business to attend before lunch. So he could drown himself in spirits the night before and drink away his sorrow.

Niragi's stomach soon growled again, and with a last glance towards the horizon, he pushed himself out of his seat, eager to shovel some food into him. He snatched his gun, resting against the chair and strode towards the elevators, that would take him down to the dining hall.

Niragi didn't have to wait long for the elevator to arrive. With a ding the elevator doors swung open, inviting him inside. He entered, whacked the button to the second level and leaned back against the wall, his gun resting on his shoulder as usual.

When the elevator halted on the fifth level, and the doors swung open, all it took was for him to cock his head with a wicked grin on his lips, to send the group waiting for the elevator, scrambling backwards in fear, away from Niragi and his deadly rifle. Niragi hadn't even intended to scare them away, but his reaction had become such a habit, pure instinct, that he'd already acted before he could so much as think of stopping himself.

Several moments passed before the elevator continued and soon halted again, it's doors swinging open, allowing Niragi to continue on his way. He followed the scent of grilled fish and tamagoyaki – a type of rolled omelettes - , that drifted through the hallway, along with the sound of voices and laughter.

Niragi strode through the double doors to the dining hall and halted, his gaze drifting over the faces of the gathered, now turning towards him. Within a few heartbeats the conversations and laughter died down, leaving nothing but awkward silence behind. All eyes rested on Niragi. The hate and loathing so clearly painted on their pathetic faces, that Niragi recoiled on the inside and instinctively gave into his careless persona, hid behind his mask of cruelty.

You are not weak.

He felt their spiteful stares burning holes through his back, as he casually strolled over to the buffet at the other end of the space.

"Is there a problem?" he cut through the lingering silence as he stopped in front of the food displayed before him, his voice smug.

When no one answered, he let out a soft sigh, cracked his neck and whirled around, his gun now gripped in both hands. "Don't fucking make me repeat myself," Niragi growled, scanning the small crowd, unbridled hostility raging in his black eyes. His darkness now firmly gripped the steering wheel inside his mind, shoving all insecurities aside, locking them away, deep, deep down.

Someone cleared their throat and Niragi's attention shifted to a young man sharing a table with three others. "N...no. There is no problem here. No problem at all," the man mumbled anxiously, avoiding Niragi's gaze.

Niragi let out a mocking snort as he regarded the group surrounding the man. "I don't know who's more pathetic. You, who can't even look me in the eye when you speak, or your friends, who seem to enjoy the company of a worthless piece of shit."

At that moment, Niragi swore he could hear the voice of his mother ringing in his ears, and almost winced at the memory flooding his mind. Look at me when you speak, brat!

He forced the memory aside as he turned back towards the food, set his gun down, helped himself to a plate and started filling it, avoiding the steamed rice at all costs. "Too scared to stand up for yourselves, ha," Niragi sneered at no one in particular. "This country will eat you alive."

When he finished piling up food on his plate he whirled and grabbed his gun with one hand, his gaze scanning the room. "I'd be surprised if any of you survived this place."

Niragi slowly strode over to a free table and set his plate down before continuing in a low growl, "Now, everyone get out. I'd like to eat my breakfast in the company of less imbecilic idiots." He dropped his gun onto the table with a loud clonk and took a seat. Several moments passed in silence.

"Was I not clear?" he threatened, his back turned towards them, when no one moved. He didn't shoot a single glance behind him, as he heard everyone scrambling to leave the dining hall.

Soon silence settled around him. He stared down at the plate before him and merely picked at the food it presented. He'd lost his appetite the moment he'd hidden behind his mask of hate, rage and cruelty.

The reflection in his gun's polished metal showed a face he hardly recognised. I've become what I despise most, he thought bitterly.And boy did he loathe himself for it. Altering everything about himself had changed nothing, he still hated himself, just for different reasons. Life was still as miserable as ever. But he'd played this role for too long now to shed that disguise. The darkness had become a part of him, and he a part of it, a perfect symbiosis. Even if he wanted to drop his cruel act, he wasn't so sure it was even possible anymore. Niragi didn't know who he was beneath his mask, not anymore. Fear of being hurt, being vulnerable ever again, had forced him to develop some form of coping mechanism, a way to protect himself from those willing to harm him. But he'd pushed it too far, let himself fall into a spiral of immorality, he couldn't claw his way out of.

The food on Niragi's plate had grown cold by the time someone tore him from his reverie.

"Hey Niragi! Are you patrolling with us this morning? I thought you don't do mornings?"

Niragi snapped to attention as a militant under his command pulled up a chair beside him, making herself comfortable.

He willed his expression into one of cocky bemusement. No chance of holding himself back from slipping into his diabolical role.

"I don't," Niragi gave back with an air of boredom, just as three other members of the militant corps pulled up some chairs and placed various hot dishes on the table for them to share.

His stomach twisted as a bowl of steamed rice was placed before him. He stared at it in disgust, fighting the urge to bolt to the bathroom and throw up.

"Saiko stop pestering him, you know he's not patrolling with us this morning. Didn't you hear the general when he said the factions have a meeting today? That's why Last Boss..."

"Yes, Katsuo, I get it. Geez," Saiko cut him off in annoyance.

That caught Niragi's attention. He flicked his gaze to the people sharing the table with him and scanned them. "Wait. Meeting? What meeting?" he demanded.

"Um... the executive meeting at eleven?" Saiko replied impudently, before reaching for the bowl of steamed rice.

"And what's the time now?" Niragi asked, fighting against the rising nausea as his black eyes followed the bowl in Saiko's hands.

"Almost Nine thirty," Katsuo offered.

Niragi barely heard what Katsuo said. His attention snapped to the rice now spilling onto Saiko's plate, his stomach twisting. Steamed rice...

"I have to go," Niragi managed to say, before he jumped to his feet, grabbed his gun and rushed out of the restaurant. He ignored the questions thrown after him as he left. He needed to get outside, desperately needed air. Niragi's stomach churned violently, memories of past horrors bubbling up with the smell of steamed rice. There was no way Niragi was going to make it to his room on the ninth floor in time, he realised. But he did manage to hold back until he reached one of the public bathrooms near the dining hall. He stumbled through the main door and barely made it to the first stall before his stomach purged it's contents. His gun loudly clattered to the ground as he gagged, his whole body trembling. When he finally managed to stop, he lowered himself to the ground and sat leaning his back against the wall, closing his eyes.

Niragi took several deep breaths, trying to slow his racing heart, relax his quivering muscles and stop his mind from remembering the past.

Ever since High School, Niragi hadn't been able to consume a single grain of rice. Just the thought of it used to make him throw up, so he avoided it like the plague. Not an easy task in a city like Tokyo, but he'd managed. Over time he'd learned to cope with the smell of it, watching people eating it, preparing it. But today, this morning, it had just been too much. Maybe he was simply exhausted, and his control had slipped because of it.

Pathetic. Weak and pathetic is what you are.

Niragi needed several moments to collect himself and regain control over his shaking limbs. A quarter of an hour later, he finally emerged from the bathroom, rifle resting on his shoulder and made his way to the elevators with haste. Before he knew it the door to his room slammed shut behind him, and in his hand he held a note, someone had slid under his door.

'Executive meeting at eleven today. No games tonight unless your visa runs out. - Hatter'

Great, Niragi thought bitterly. That could only mean one thing.