Asriel felt like he was waking up from a long sleep. He could smell flowers, he could hear the birds that occasionally flitted through the large mouth of the cave, teasing monsters who could not pass through themselves. He must have fallen asleep in the garden. Dad would likely come to check on his flowers soon and scold him for falling asleep here. But something felt off…he felt a sense of dread. Something was missing…no, someone was missing.
What had happened came rushing back to him like a freight train. He eyes snapped open, "Chara? Are you here?"
But there was no answer. No, she couldn't be gone. She had to be here, right? They were together, their very souls joined. She said she wasn't really leaving, and they would always be together. She would never leave him. She said she would protect him. That they would save the monsters together. They still would, if he was still here than she was too!
"Chara?!" he shouted, maybe she was further away or needed woken up.
She couldn't be gone, she couldn't. They were going to free everyone, that's all this was for! But…that's not what happened. He still remembered her rage as she pushed him to kill the humans attacking him. He should've never brought her body near the village, they must've thought he had killed her. If they hadn't attacked she wouldn't have…no, she would have still wanted to kill them. Through their linked souls he was able to glean that they had been mean to Chara, cruel even. And she was fine with killing them to free her family who deserved the surface far more.
"CHARA?!" he shouted at the top of his lungs, tears streaming down his face.
He remembered how the humans gave him no chance to explain. How they continued to attack even as he didn't fight back. They had been so angry, they were cruel. They just continued with their relentless attack. It had hurt so much, they hurt him so much, and Chara could feel it all as well. Maybe Chara was right… well, he couldn't say about all humans, but those humans at least didn't deserve to live. He should have fought back, he didn't even try to protect Chara. He let her be beaten along with him. And now…she was gone. Maybe she had left? Maybe he had failed so much that she had gone away, disappointed in him?
"I'm sorry…Chara…you were right. Please, come back," he whimpered.
She was right to be angry at him…because of him… They had…oh stars, they were… The final memory flooded back as he rapidly looked around. He had felt himself turning to dust. They were dead! He had killed Chara with his stupidity and unwillingness to fight. Chara had warned him that he needed to kill or else they would both be killed. And he hadn't listened. But he was still here…somehow? He scrambled to get up, maybe Chara was back too, maybe he could still find her, or her soul or something.
But as he tried to move his arms and legs…he realized he couldn't. They weren't there. How was that possible? Maybe he just couldn't feel or use them. He looked to where his right arm should be, and saw nothing. He looked for his left arm, for his legs, and saw only dirt and the flowers around him. His neck bent far beyond what should be possible as he looked further down, trying to see more of himself. He saw nothing but a stem. He screamed.
When he calmed enough to think again, he tried to move but found he couldn't no matter how hard he tried because he was rooted to the ground and any way he would've moved before wasn't possible. He then spent hours crying and screaming and yelling for his parents or someone, anyone to come help him. Nobody came. And why should they? This was his fault, this was all his fault. He should be dead. Chara was dead because of his weakness. He didn't do what she needed him to and now he was alone. He shouldn't be afraid, he was still so weak, so emotional. It's what got him in this mess to begin with, so why couldn't he stop crying?
She always said he was a crybaby, but…now he would never hear her say that again. The thought brought a fresh rush of waterworks. All for her, only for her and the fact that he would never see her again. It wouldn't be right not to cry for Chara. She was his sister, his best friend. He was the reason she was gone.
Asriel wasn't sure how much time passed. Only that eventually, he heard footsteps, the sound breaking him out of his own little world of grief. Someone had finally come, he should be glad, but what would they think of seeing him like this? He wriggled in the dirt, attempting to move around to see. But it was a moot point, as a familiar presence made their way around to get a better look at him.
Asriel started, he might have jumped in shock if he could, but as it was he simply jerked weakly. He really shouldn't have reacted that way, it wasn't surprising that Dad would come out to check on the garden. And this was what he wanted, right? But he really didn't want to be seen by him like this. He was a crying, weak, pathetic mess. He'd gotten Chara killed, and now he was this…thing. The tears stopped flowing, replaced by wide-eyed staring. Asgore spoke with such concern as he asked what was wrong. But though Asriel recognized the tone, he couldn't feel it in his soul. This added to Asriel's anxieties.
But still, even though he was scared of telling the truth, his Dad deserved to know, right? Maybe he could even help… So the prince told him who he was and what had happened on the surface. He left out Chara's plan, taking the blame himself because it was the least he could do. He could at least protect her legacy, even though he was too weak to protect her. As he spoke, he tried his best to keep his emotions in check, he wouldn't be able to get a word out otherwise. It was easier than he expected to lock them away, perhaps he had become drained of them after feeling so much at once.
No shock showed on the king's face as Asriel told him what had happened. Other emotions, like grief and anger flashed across his features, but they seemed resigned and buried rather than fresh. Asriel picked up on this, he wasn't sure what it meant, but it couldn't be anything good.
When Asriel was done his dad wrapped his arms around his stem and cradled the flower to himself. He told him that everything would be alright from now on. That he would love him and take care of him. They would figure this out together. His own tears were flowing now, though the child's had long dried up. He tried to soak in the warmth Asgore was surely putting out, the comfort. He couldn't. Sensing emotions directed toward him from his parents had always been second nature to him, now it seemed impossible. He tried to focus on his own emotions instead, but any sort of happiness or calm wasn't one of them, not even relief. In fact, he didn't feel much at all as he was held by Asgore…
He couldn't even feel grateful…or sorry for him. That's when he realized he had felt plenty sorry for Chara, but he hadn't felt any sort of sympathy for Asgore. He should, since the king was hearing about the deaths of his children and now had to make due with his son as a flower. All he could feel for the one putting forward the effort to love him anyway was confusion, unease and the fear that he would leave him alone again. Perhaps he had used up his feelings on Chara, but then why did he still feel just as strongly when he thought about her even now?
He could think on his feelings later, for now he just wanted some sense of normalcy. The first step was getting out of this awful garden. He never wanted to be in this place ever again. But first, he needed to figure out a way to leave. Asgore could help achieve that goal, at least. He dug the flower up and put him in a pot. It was embarrassing and a bit restricting. In fact, Asriel felt scared being in the pot, so isolated. Not like he could move anyway…or could he? It was worth a shot to try sometime.
For now, he let his dad dote on him and pretended to be normal.
\
It had been two weeks. He had thought that his emotional numbness was due to Chara's death, and maybe it was. But he found that he was unable to connect with his dad. He was still unable to take in any of his emotions. He was still unable to feel sorry for him or happy for him, nothing. He wasn't even able to feel anything for the people who came by with various matters needing the king's attention.
A cave-in had happened in a remote part of Waterfall. Several monsters were dead or injured. Asgore had quickly removed Asriel from the situation after someone had burst in and relayed the news without prompting. No doubt the king thought his sensitive son would be affected deeply by this and was too innocent to hear any more. Never mind that he'd seen his own sister kill herself and had been beaten to death what seemed less than a week ago. He only felt annoyance at Asgore's overprotectiveness and aggravation that he couldn't feel the way he figured he should. He should feel empathy for them, he should feel sad and grief-stricken. Part of him wished he could help, but only to prove that he could. That he didn't have to be treated like a baby. Maybe if he hadn't been so sheltered, none of this would've happened in the first place and he would still be able to feel the way he would've before.
It was disheartening. Perhaps he should give it more time…or maybe, he just needed to get away from here. There was a small glimmer of hope that maybe if he got further away from where the tragedy occurred, further away from his old life, he could feel again. He doubted it. After all, he felt emptiness where his soul should be. He didn't want to bring it out and see for himself, even though he knew…he knew from that day he woke up, nothing would be there. And he hated it. He hated feeling so empty all the time, he hated not being able to feel the way he once did. He hated not being able to connect when he so desperately wanted to. He hated being around his father, reminded of what he had lost.
The first week, he noticed the little things. Asgore continued to look at him with a long repressed grief and like it was a wonder he was there. A desperation that spoke of thinking he would never see him again. Which, to be fair, Asriel had died, him coming back in any form was not expected. But that's how he started wondering just how long it had been. He hadn't seen any of his dust in the garden, nor any scraps of the clothes he and Chara's combined form had worn to the surface. His mom was nowhere around, and his father never answered his questions as to why. And he never talked about Chara, no-one ever did, he would shy away if Asriel brought her up, which angered him.
As he began to practice moving around on his own, experimenting with different methods, he also began to snoop around. He spied on his dad the best he could, and overheard members of the royal guard giving reports that no humans had been spotted. Suspicious. He snooped around in his bedroom, finding a journal he couldn't figure out how to read with just leaves and vines instead of hands. He missed the dexterity of his paws, but maybe he could figure out how in the future? After all, there were other monsters who didn't have paws or hands that figured out how to. He continued his exploration into the basement which he had once asked to go down, with his father deflecting away from it. The clear nervousness he showed when Asriel had asked had peaked his interest.
So, he decided that somehow he would get down those stairs. He turned his leaves into different, longer vines like he'd been working on. It seemed he still had some magic, just plant magic. How idiotic. It was somewhat useful, he supposed. He hadn't even begun to experiment with all the things he could do with it yet. For now, he turned what he had learned before into something practical. He eyed the vines, and then eyed the wall. He could push off the wall with the vines, if he did it carefully he might be able to avoid falling down the stairs. But the stairs could barely be considered such, there wasn't enough room for his pot to sit comfortably on one without tipping over. How did Asgore ever get down here with his large feet? Idiot.
Since the stairs were a testament to idiocy that would kill almost anyone, Flowey decided his best bet was to anchor himself to the wall somehow and float above them. He had summoned multiple vines at once before, so it shouldn't be too hard to work out a system that would work. And with some planning, and some early not-too-risky testing with some blunders he would never admit to, he managed to make one. He would summon two vines to hook into the wall, and two more vines to push himself forward and brace himself against the wall. Each time he went forward far enough to need to, he would brace at his new spot and unhook from his old one, hooking into a new crack at his new spot, he would repeat the process for the other side, and continue onward. He was careful at first, but grew more confident the more he progressed.
By the time he reached the bottom of the stairs, he was practically swinging along. There was a certain thrill about defying gravity, along with defying his father's wish for him to stay out of this room. He was finally going to find out what he had been hiding, all because he had figured out a way to get down here despite the odds. He realized he was feeling a sense of accomplishment, even though it was much dimmer than it used to be…and he had almost forgotten because since when had he had a reason to feel this way?
He reached the bottom of the stairs and turned his head at one of those impossible angles he was still getting used to being able to utilize. His braces slipped from the wall in shock at what he was seeing. And too late he realized he hadn't slipped in the anchoring stem on the right side. He swung to the left in a daze, pot smashing against the floor. But he didn't care about any of that. All he could see was coffins. Seven child-sized coffins.
Monsters didn't use coffins, why would they when their dead turn into dust? But he saw a picture of one in a book he found at the dump once, and Chara had explained it to him. How ironic that he would use this knowledge now. Why would there be seven coffins his father was hiding in the basement, unless there were seven humans who… No, maybe he was jumping to conclusions. That was impossible. He dragged himself over to the first one using his vines, and used them to prop himself up too, despite the pain he was feeling. He was sure some pot shards had embedded themselves in him, he didn't care. He hadn't imagined it in the split second he'd seen it. A picture of what Chara's soul looked like. How had Asgore known? Had the soul come out when him and Chara…
He looked beneath picture of the soul, to see a name. Chara. This was where…she was…here? He had to…he had to be sure. Maybe he could fix her somehow. Bring her back. After all, he was back. Maybe if he had her body he could do something, anything. He had to have her back. Something within him tugged in a way he didn't think was possible anymore as the tears came. He couldn't lose her, she couldn't be gone. She was right here, he would get her back. Before he even realized he had, he had used the other two vines to lift the lid…and…there was nothing. She wasn't here. This was her coffin, designed for her. Where would she be if she wasn't here?! The coffin lid slammed shut as Asriel sank to the floor. His breath came out in short gasps even though he was sure flowers didn't need to breathe. Magic and something else was rushing through him, something he remembered feeling pulsing in Chara's soul. Chara's soul, which was gone, just like her body. But she couldn't be gone! She had to be here somewhere!
He turned to look at the rest of the room, the other coffins. Maybe she was actually in one of them? Maybe they had made another coffin and moved her? That wasn't part of the human burial traditions he knew of. But maybe Asgore had made a new tradition and they had made the other coffins for her, not someone else, because who else would they be for? He steeled himself, and continued forward. He squeezed through the tight space between the foot of the coffin and the wall, his petals brushing as he went by.
He checked the engraving first, the image looked like Chara's soul, but orange. There was no name. He opened it to peak inside, and gaped at the body that was wrapped in some sort of bandages. Various conflicting scents hit him and made him feel nauseous. It was hard to tell much about the human lying in there, but the body shape and size didn't look like Chara. Once again, the lid slammed shut, and he rushed to the next coffin. He needed to confirm or discredit his suspicions, and there was only one way to do that. He looked at each engraving before verifying that yes, there was a body in here. They couldn't all be Chara. So there were other human children. Who were all dead. And they were all in his father's basement.
He had overheard reports about humans, with his father looking so grim, and so relieved when it was reported there were none. What had the humans done that caused him to look that way? These were all children just like Chara. Had they attempted to do the same thing and also failed? Or…no, that was stupid. Not all of them would've been as much of a wimp as him. And why would Asgore try and hide it from him, then? He looked guilty, even. Guilty. The pieces began to click into place. Why had Chara and him gone to the surface in the first place? To get human souls. Why risk going to the surface and being attacked when you could just use the souls of the ones who fell down instead?
For a moment, Asriel was impressed. He didn't think the old geezer had it in him to hurt anyone. He supposed that's why he was king, and alive, while Asriel was dead and never would be. It just so happened that they were all children. Just like Chara had been. They were probably running away from that awful village, just like Chara had been. And suddenly, he felt something rushing hot through him. Anger, the feeling felt strong and natural. What a hypocrite, what a liar. Pretending like he wanted peace, pretending like he cared about Chara. How could he stay here, with someone who had killed 6 Charas? He hated him. He hated his father.
And he was standing right in front of him, looking panicked and concerned. Since when was he standing right there? "You killed them, didn't you?" the venom came through in his voice, even though it came out in barely more than a whisper.
Asgore stiffened, and yet his voice came out even, gentle, but the forced kind as it cracked slightly, "I'm sorry you found out this way. I promise, I would've told you eventually…it's just…"
"I don't care! Telling me doesn't change the fact that you killed them!" Asriel screeched, he felt his face change, contorting with rage into something that made Asgore's eyes widen, "Would you have killed Chara for her soul too, if she hadn't beat you to it?!" Too late, he realized he had contradicted what he told the king before. But if the truth would hurt him, then it would be worth it.
"What are you talking about?" Asgore's voice cracked as the question came out. Whether from simple fear at his outburst, anger at the accusation, or because he knew exactly what Asriel was speaking of, the prince didn't know. And he didn't care. He kept going.
Asriel's voice was still filled with venom, but it had dropped back down in volume, he was no longer acting out of a burst of rage, but cold, calculating, hatred, "You think she just so happened to eat the same thing that made you so sick? She knew what it did, how could she forget? She blamed herself for getting you so sick, just like she blamed herself for everything. And you never saw it. You never noticed the signs. Instead, you just kept calling her the hope of monsterkind, calling us that hope. You put so much pressure on the both of us, so why were you surprised when we cracked under it? She felt so guilty for everything her kind had done that she killed herself to make up for it. You killed her by not noticing. You killed the both of us when you put such weight on our shoulders."
With every word, the pain in the king's eyes grew, as did their size. He flinched at every accusation. He was shaking. He opened his mouth but no words came out. He looked broken, defeated, but he wasn't broken enough for what he did. Asriel felt the same satisfaction at seeing how his words wounded him that he felt when he solved a way to get down the stairs.
Asriel observed every minute change in his expression, eyes glinting with realization that he seemed nervous, he seemed guilty, and not as surprised as he should've been. He was probably just shocked at his sweet son who could do no wrong saying this to him. It was an idiotic assumption, that he was just the same as he always was after he and Chara died. And he reveled in smashing it to pieces, "And I think you know it. Instead of facing it, you blamed the humans like the coward you were. And then you killed children, children who were just like Chara! If you blamed the humans you should've killed the ones responsible instead of random kids. Went to the surface and wiped that village off the map." Asriel noted the horror in his eyes at that statement, and knew then and there he could never do what had to be done, anyway, "But you were too scared and you knew. You knew it wasn't just their fault. You knew that you were supposed to look out for us and you failed so if you killed them you might as well kill yourself too. You clung to the idea that you were providing hope for your people with every soul collected even though you have no idea what to do when you get the last of them. I'm not sure you ever wanted the barrier to be broken, because you don't have the guts to go to war. Which means Chara died for nothing. And you killed 6 kids after her for nothing."
The words hung in the air. Nothing broke the silence other than Asgore's shaky breaths. After a few moments, Asriel debated continuing his assault. Those words he had just spoken deserved time to sink in, but after that, maybe. Asgore hadn't said anything yet. He hadn't attempted to explain himself, nor had he apologized or begged for understanding or forgiveness. Perhaps he thought it wouldn't make a difference. He was right.
Then, the king broke the silence, "I know…what I did was horrible, awful… inexcusable. I understand why you feel the way you do… Perhaps you would like some time alone…to think, and…to not be around me." His eyes glistened with unshed tears.
Asriel considered continuing to lash out, but…he was right. The excitement of tearing down the individual in front of him had faded. All he wanted right now was to not have to look at the one he had once considered his father. Now, he saw him for what he was. "Yeah," he agreed, his tone more despondent than harsh, he was done tearing him down, for now. If only so he could get out of his presence, and out of this vile room.
"I will go fetch another pot," he said, eying the shards on the floor. His eyes widened again, "Are you… hurt?" The fool had just realized that possibility, apparently.
"I'm fine!" Asriel snapped, "If you really cared you would've noticed sooner."
That last remark had Asgore nearly scurrying out of the room. And Asriel would be left here, alone. Maybe for only a little bit…but he would be here, with nothing else to think about but the bodies and what they meant…
"Wait!" called the flower as a thought occurred to him.
Asgore paused and glanced at him.
"Can I just…be alone in the garden for a little while?" he asked, hiding any hints of his true intentions. He didn't keep the bitterness out of his tone completely, but toned it down some, letting more of the melancholy seep through.
Asgore looked shocked once more, though Asriel doubted his eyes could get any wider at this point. He was so easy to read. "If that is what you wish."
It was what he wished alright. Because he had just thought of a plan that might solve everything.
After trial and error, Asriel had discovered the best system for movement. It turned out he could expand his root system and then pop into the earth to pop back out at another location connected to his roots. It was weird, he still couldn't figure out exactly how it worked, but it was useful. He used the fact that he traveled below ground to keep out of sight. He hadn't had anyone recognize him as the king's wayward son yet. That was the good news.
\
It had been days. He was exhausted and frustrated. His magic seemed to be running low, so apparently he needed to eat after all. It wasn't like he felt hungry, particularly, just he found his magic running out faster and faster, sometimes it felt like he had drained every last drop. It seemed to replenish slightly over time if he wasn't doing anything, but only in certain spots. And it took a while, a long while, to do so, which was time he didn't have. Which was a problem, as he was using more magic now just to get around then he had at any point in the castle. He'd searched every corner of the underground by now, and he still couldn't find any trace of mom.
And that's when he found it. A door at the very end of Snowdin that had the royal emblem of the Delta Rune engraved above it. If memory served him right, he knew what was beyond it. The idiotically named Home, the place he knew he had once lived even though he barely had any memories of that time now. He had come back here at some point, when it had seemed novel and he wanted to explore. And that's when he found Chara. It felt…wrong to come back here now without her. But, it was a place he hadn't checked. How could he have forgotten? But his trepidation soon gave way to excitement, mom could be here!
He attempted to open the door with his vines, but it wouldn't budge. Well, he wouldn't let that stop him. Popping in and out of the earth was routine by now, so he simply slipped beneath and searched for a way to come out the other side. It wasn't that hard. He discovered a room that was pitch dark other than some light near what seemed to be the middle, illuminating the small patch of grass he emerged from. He looked up to see if he could spot the source of the light, and saw it was beaming down far above, from a sliver of blue against the ceiling of what he now guessed was probably a cave. Wait, that was the sky, wasn't it? It was another place in Home from which the sky was visible that he had found Chara. And the last time he had seen the sky, it was on that ill-fated journey to the surface. He never noticed it anywhere else in the underground. But from here, there was a sliver of it visible. A small piece of what he and Chara had died trying to get for the rest of monsterkind. A small piece of what they now would never have thanks to him.
His mood soured, but he refocused on the task at hand. It really was hard to see in here. On instinct, he tried to create some flame to illuminate his way. Like the weakling he was, he'd only been able to create small balls of fire before, but still, it would be better than nothing. To his shock, some little round things manifested in the air instead. Not expecting them, they vanished just as quickly as they'd formed. Intrigued, he formed several more.
He examined the closest one to him, it seemed pellet-like in shape. But…the way it looked, and having been around plants his entire life, there wasn't much mistaking it. They were seeds. Of course. All his magic was crappy plant magic now. They were larger than seeds though, and he wondered what exactly he could do with them? Would they do damage like a normal magic attack? Could he control them? It just sat there, hovering in the air.
He focused on what he wanted it to do. He wanted it to move. He wanted it to just…move forward. He stared at it, concentrating very hard. Nothing happened. Why did his magic have to be so lame? Well, not all of it was lame, but still, why did this part have to be? Why couldn't he have something cool, like lasers, or swords, or bullets? Now that he thought about it, the seeds were bullet shaped. Maybe he just had to think of them as such. He wanted them to zip forward at lightning speed like he'd read bullets could do.
And then, they did. The seeds, no, the bullets, they were his magic so he would call them what he wanted, zipped on by in a straight line. He could feel the moment they impacted the walls of the cave. It wasn't painful, but it was a weird feeling. It felt like losing a part of him. And not all of them gave him this feedback. Some were still perfectly fine. He could feel them there, and if he followed that feeling, he could find them and figure out why they hadn't exploded upon impact like the others.
He stretched a vine out toward one of them, out into the darkness until he could not see it anymore. It met with a cold yet smooth surface before it found the bullet sitting there. It must've run out of momentum at some point. He felt around for the other bullets as well, and found one embedded in dirt. Perfect. He ducked back under the earth, and emerged out the patch of dirt he had found, to find himself in a vaguely familiar, long, dimly lit, purple hallway. He eyed the cracks in the walls, his ticket to traveling through so much stone. And he prepared himself for a trip down memory lane. Hopefully, mom would be here.
She was. He found her in their old house in what was left of the city of Home, or, what she now called The Ruins. It seemed her and Asgore had similar naming abilities, which is to say none at all. No wonder his name was just an idiotic mish-mash of both of theirs'. Anyway, this was where she was hiding. And he meant that literally. It's not like he could really blame her, he had wanted to leave the second he found out what Asgore did. He figured it was much the same with her. So they were both here, hiding from him.
Chara was also here. Or at least, this was where her body had gone. Mom had taken it with her when she left. And while Asriel was initially a bit peeved, the more he thought about it the more he respected that decision. After all, why should she remain with Asgore in that dusty basement with all the other humans who were nothing more to him then the souls he could collect from them? Here, she could be laid to rest properly like she deserved. She was buried in the very same spot she landed forever ago. A whole lifetime away. Perhaps it was many lifetimes, he would have to figure that out later.
For now, he let his mom dote on him. He hung out with her, trying his best to feel cared for. To connect. To love her. It wasn't his fault if he felt awkward when she hugged him, unable to feel that same warmth he felt before. It wasn't his fault if he found snails boring as hell. It wasn't his fault if he was angered by her rarely bringing up Chara. It wasn't his fault he didn't feel much of anything when they talked about old times, other than annoyance that she kept Chara out of those stories.
At least she encouraged him to try new things. Or, rather, relearn old things he used to do before he became a flower. She insisted he do school work. Some of it was interesting, for a while, but soon he grew bored of it. And he didn't see the point. It wasn't like he was going to go to school hiding away here in The Ruins. And he didn't want to either. He wondered if he would even ever grow up like other kids. He knew how boss monsters worked. Toriel and Asgore clearly hadn't aged in however long he'd been gone. With him…here again, would they? Or, given what he suspected, would they all stay the same age, including him? In that case, school was clearly a waste of time, he decided.
He still did it to keep Toriel from getting on his case. But he didn't try very hard at it. Instead, he continued to master his new appendages. When Toriel was appalled by his table manners, he would simply bring his face to the food and eat somewhat like an animal, he used his vines to master using a fork. Even if he still ate the easier way when she wasn't looking. When he saw she had kept some of his old drawings, he figured out how to draw using his vines. It took a while to master, but it was worth it, since he got that sense of accomplishment he craved. Toriel was delighted and impressed. He was able to feel some pride, but no affection. She then decided if he could draw, then he could write as well, and he immediately regretted all his life decisions.
He continued to master moving around as a flower. Though disappearing under the ground never ceased to freak Toriel out. She didn't strongly react often, but that made it more amusing when he managed to get a reaction out of her. Still, he didn't get the sense of accomplishment he'd got from tormenting Asgore when he tried it on her. So he figured there wasn't much point, and avoided making her upset when he could. Besides, if he got her really upset she would ground him and not do anything with him. Boring.
Often, they visited the grave together. It was a solemn and serious occasion, and yet, Toriel never shed a tear. Perhaps she had cried them all dry long ago. The first time Asriel went, he was surprised to see the Golden Flowers growing on the grave. It was fitting, he supposed, almost like he was keeping her company. But he hadn't been. And now he could, so he did. He came to the grave every day, with or without Toriel.
When alone, he would speak to Chara aloud. When with Toriel, he would talk to her in his head like he did when they were combined. He figured that wherever she was now, she could hear him either way. He would talk about old times with her, and actually feel something, he would tell her about how the underground had changed, he would talk about his day. Sometimes, when he was alone, he would cry. He didn't want Toriel to see him cry. But Chara knew he was a crybaby, and someone had to cry for her, even if her parents had long ago given up on it.
It was clear that Toriel visited the grave for more than just talking to Chara. And Asriel was observant enough to know the reason. His old room had been well maintained even before he moved in, like Toriel had been expecting someone to need it. There was a box of kids' shoes in many different styles and sizes, along with clothes of the same manner. Though he had lived here when he was young, the clothes were mostly too big for when he would've been that small. And like his parents, he hadn't worn shoes. Chara didn't come along until they moved to New Home, so that didn't explain it either. The only explanation was that Toriel had been taking in the other human kids that fell down here.
He heard her crying sometimes, though she would always stuff her emotions down when he showed up. He knew the tears were not for Chara, at least he assumed so. Although, maybe the reason she never cried at her grave was the same reason he didn't around her. They were both grieving, but they refused to do it together. Asriel didn't think he was capable of it, anyway. Still, it would make sense if the tears for Chara had run dry long ago, and these were tears for the others. Sometimes, he heard her say names in her sleep, names that likely belonged to them.
The other humans. She had taken them in, she cared for them, she cried for them. Like she was their mom. And maybe she was. Maybe she had replaced Chara. That now familiar anger flared up again. But he redirected it. No, she had simply been trying to protect those kids. An idiotic but admirable attempt. And the one she had to protect them from was her former mate. He killed those kids, and so he was the one who made his mother cry. Though her crying didn't make Asriel sad, or make him feel any sort of sympathetic connection, it sure made him mad. It made him want to go back to the castle and tear Asgore down further.
He stayed with his mother for 2 months. He found himself barely able to feel anything regarding her, and unable to feel anything at all for the other members of The Ruins. Just like when he stayed in the castle. He found himself at Chara's grave more and more. He could feel there. He could be around his best friend, the only one who mattered. And he found that simply by being there for a while, his magic reserves refilled. Still, it wasn't enough. She never responded. No matter how much he told himself otherwise, she wasn't there. She never would be again. And it was his fault. Being sad all the time sucked worse than feeling nothing at all.
He wanted to see her again, to hear her again. Maybe, if he went where she was, he could find her again. And he knew what it took to get there. It shouldn't be hard, after all, he had done it before. He didn't want to be here in this world where everything had gone wrong. Everything was wrong, it would never be right again, and it was his fault. He couldn't fix it just by being there. He was the one who had broken it, after all. And now he was broken too. He hated not being able to feel like he used to. He hated not being able to love anyone other than the one who was gone. So maybe, he should be gone too.
So, he made a new plan. That night, he left his bed and headed to Hotlands. He figured the lava was the way to go. There would be no stopping his death once he jumped off into it. That way, he couldn't wimp out. Sure, there might've been another, less painful way to get the same result. But both Chara's deaths had been painful, so why should his be any less?
Looking at the lava bubbling below, he steeled himself. He couldn't help the weak bursts of fear shooting through him, despite his resolve. It was fine, he would see Chara again, or at least…it would all be over. All the pain, all the sadness, all the anger. Looking at the world and knowing his pathetic decisions caused it to be the twisted way it is. Being broken, unable to feel, a shell of what he once was. Being a stupid flower. Unable to feel loved, unable to give love in return. There was nothing left for him here. But maybe, if he found Chara, he could find whatever's left of his soul. Or at least, he would be with her, which was enough on its own. And to find her, he had to follow in her footsteps.
He had already withdrawn his roots to the point they barely clung to the ground. With a shaky breath, he used his vines to push against the dirt, causing him to lift higher, up out of the ground the rest of the way. He then used those vines to shove off the ground. And he was falling, falling, falling. The pain hit and he opened his mouth to scream, but he couldn't. His senses were overwhelmed with the searing pain. And he was still falling, slower now, drifting, as his life was sapped from him.
Despite the pain, he couldn't help but be glad that it would all be over soon. The pain was part of the plan, and it now seemed far away. Soon, he would see Chara. But…what if he didn't? What if all this was for nothing? Without a soul, would he be able to go wherever Chara was? What happens to a soulless being when they die? He wasn't sure he wanted to find out. What if Chara was still here somewhere, like he was, and he was leaving her behind? He didn't want this to be the end. He didn't want there to be nothing left for him, and no-one left for Chara. I don't want to die! I still have a reason to be here!
But he already felt the world fading into nothingness. It was too late, even as he summoned his magic, hoping to do something, anything. Pulsing heat surged inside as the world faded to black. It was the feeling of Chara's soul again, much stronger than when he had felt it inside her. It was overwhelming, but also comforting in a strange way. It was intoxicating. And he wondered if this was what dying truly felt like, because he had never felt more alive.
\
"Oh my god, I'm…so sorry…" Alphys now understood why his expression looked like her own earlier. He had attempted the very same thing she had. And yet, she wasn't sure if sharing that now would even help. But somehow, he was still here after throwing himself into a lake of lava, "H-how did you…?"
"I didn't. It's how I got my first LOVE," he seemed despondent, staring at the ground.
"W-what?" Alphys ventured. She couldn't be hearing him correctly, right? He couldn't have died, or he wouldn't be here.
"Determination defies death itself, that's what you discovered. But you never found out to what extent. With enough determination, one can simply refuse to die. Even more so, they can rewrite the world around them to undo everything leading up to their death. The true power of it is terrifying. Especially when wielded by a soulless being. Because with enough of it you can rewind the clock, again, and again, and again." Asriel grew quieter yet more fervent with every word. He let out a shaky breath before slowly lifting his head, "And I did."
Alphys froze, staring at those eyes that were pools of never-ending guilt. "H-w-I-uh," she could barely think, let alone speak. She took a few shaky breaths herself before trying to sort her racing thoughts. Flowey, the being she thought she had created from injecting determination, was indeed the dead prince Asriel brought back. That much seemed clear now, the sheer amount of details he knew about the Prince's life, as well as the raw emotions that came through when he told his story proved it for her. However, because of her carelessness he was brought back without a soul, or at least, without a whole one. She wasn't 100% certain that what she had seen didn't technically constitute a soul, even if it wasn't like any she had ever seen. And, he had tried to kill himself. No, according to him he had succeeded. He had succeeded and discovered an even more destructive use for determination. She had created a monster that couldn't die.
He looked at her, afraid yet expectant, and when she remained silent he continued, "So, don't feel sorry for me. I don't deserve it." His eyes went straight to the floor again.
An akward silence settled over the room. Alphys wasn't sure how to feel about all this, other than guilty. So, so, guilty for what she had caused. Because she had, this was her fault. If she hadn't got the idea to inject determination into that flower… And yet, if she hadn't, the prince would've stayed dead. The underground would've stayed trapped. They never could've gotten out without Frisk dying. Tears squeezed out the edges of her eyes before she could stop them. She had created a being capable of time travel and all she could do was think about the horrors that were caused by it, by her.
"I'm sorry…i'msorryi'msorryi'msorryi-" she whispered in a mantra, rocking back and forth.
"I know. But bringing me back was an accident. What I did was on purpose. I chose to do it, not you. So I'm to blame," Asriel interrupted gently, fidgeting as he looked at Alphys, then to Frisk.
Frisk slowly walked over to Alphys and held their hands out, "Hug?"
Alphys stilled and looked at Frisk for a moment, blinking, "Y-yeah."
Frisk hugged Alphys, and she clung to them in return. She still couldn't stop the racing of her head. It kept blaming her for things, so she tried to think of something, anything else, to get it to stop. She tried focusing on the hug, and that made her think of the hug Frisk had given Asriel earlier. 'I understand if you aren't ready', Asriel's words echoed in her head, followed by Frisk's, 'I planned to tell everyone…eventually.' Alphys stiffened in Frisk's hold. In response, they released her from the hug, looking up at her with worried eyes.
Asriel says determination gave him this ability. The determination injected in him was extracted from the human souls. Human souls have it in abundance. Which means humans should be able to naturally use this ability. Ohmygosh that means Frisk can also do this! And they have whichiswhy-
"I'm sorry," the words were whispered, but Frisk's eyes showed such conviction, such guilt, such pain. They did not move from Alphys' face. When Alphys said nothing in response, they continued, "You should never feel guilty for lying to get a friend. Because that's what I did. Not just to you, to everyone."
"H-ho-" Alphys initial shock that Frisk knew almost had her ask, but then, she realized she probably already had the answer to that, "N-nevermind… W-what I d-did was awful. I p-put you in danger. A-and, I g-guess you've heard it b-before b-but…I'm sorry. I sh-should've never done that to you. You m-may have had to lie a-about your ab-abilities…but that isn't the s-same."
"But it is! I lied to everyone by pretending we had never met before! I kept trying and retrying to find the ideal way to befriend everyone. Yeah, I used my powers to survive the underground, but I didn't have to use them just to make friends just because I wanted to. What if they're only friends with me because I already knew how to get on their good side? And…I've done worse things than just that… I didn't mean to, but sometimes things happened…and I took it back, but that doesn't change the fact that it happened. If they all knew…" Frisk trailed off.
It was so similar to the thoughts Alphys had on a daily basis about the amalgamates and all her other failures. Her soul clenched in sympathy as Frisk trailed on. It didn't matter that Frisk had time-warping abilities, they were still her friend. The mention of surviving the underground indicated that Frisk had died at least once, using their powers to come back. Which, considering Frisk was just a child, was absolutely atrocious. They had been through so much on their own, but they wouldn't have to be alone anymore.
"They wouldn't love you any less, Frisk," Asriel was the one who spoke up before Alphys had figured out what to say, "You never wanted to hurt anybody. You never tried to use your powers for bad things. And everyone's free now because you befriended them all. I'm not going to say they won't be upset, because they might be. But they'll forgive you and move on, because they all love you very much. I felt that from their souls, remember?"
"H-he's r-right," Alphys added, "I kn-know what it's like. It m-must've been hard to keep such a big s-secret. I…s-still care about you, Frisk."
This time, it was Alphys who gave Frisk the hug. Frisk's acceptance of it was stiff, their smile wobbly as they began to cry tears into Alphys' shoulder. Now that Alphys knew, she could finally be there for her friend. Like she wished someone had been there for her, even when she refused to tell anyone. Like Frisk had been there for her, even if it wasn't the first time they met. Especially since it wasn't the first time they'd met. Frisk probably… no, almost certainly knew about her lies, and went through the motions anyway to be friends with her. She never thought someone who knew the ugly truth would still want to be her friend. So now, she would return the favor.